format_quote Originally Posted by
Pure Imaan
Assalamualailkum brothers and sisters
Wow, its good to be back...I haven't posted in ages...errrmm, I need help broz and sisz, I found out that this girl I know has been raped :-( and I really WANT TO HELP HER, she cuts herself and doesn't eat properly and isn't doing very well also she is only 12 years of age, and she is a non-muslim and I am very worried about her, astugfuriallah, and the person that committed this awful and atrocious act was done by a muslim, what is this world coming to, sooo scary...I know a little of what to say, if you guys have any advice please post here so I can try my upmost to help her and move on inshallah....pray for her brothers and sisters....jazakhallah, may Allah (swt) reward you for your good intentions, ameen
Selam aleykum
Difficult question, there is no "one-line" advice to give here. At best we could give you some advice as to what the best approach would be. Some things that come to mind:
1. Making it clear that she isn't to blame.
It's not her fault, tell her that over and over. Cutting oneself can sometimes be a sign of subconscious self-hate or guilt. I allowed it, I didn't say no enough, I provoked it, and so on. The hard part is she'll probably admit that indeed it's not her fault, but nevertheless still think that subconsciously. So the trick is to help her realize that her subconsciousness is wrong, which is easier said then done. If you confront the person directly with this, it might bring denial, and even distrust.
2. Temporally solution
Learning to cope/deal with a trauma is a long difficult road. Some people spend their whole lives trying to do just that. So rather then just focusing on the cause of self injury, it would be nice to also help the person find another way to deal with emotions. See cutting oneself can often be a result of not knowing how to deal with emotions. The pain of the cut draws away attention from the problem at hand. So help learning how to deal with emotions.
3. Listening
Often just talking about problems is already a huge step forward. People who want to help don't always know how. don't worry yourself with questions like. what do I have to reply on this, or what should I say there. Simply listening is already a big help, you don't necessarily have to add your opinion afterwards.
4. Get help.
If you feel that thing are becoming problematic, that the person needs professional help. Convince her to seek help with people who are better at that then you. Of course that doesn't mean you have to betray her trust and go tell what you know behind her back. Nowadays there are many options. Seeking help doesn't have to be a teacher or parent. There are many options, from self-help books, internet forums, support phone lines, and so on...
5. Not allowing victimization.
A victim can be victim on many levels. Not only directly when abused; but in a sense she is still a victim because her actions and feelings are still determined by his actions. Help her understand she has the power to stop this, show her that she should stop allowing her abuser to determine her future.
6. As for the perpetrator being a Muslim, I wouldn't focus to much on that. It's probable that she has some aversion towards Muslim, just as some rape victims have aversions towards men. It's an understandable reaction and it's not wise to try and change from the start on. I think most people as they deal with their trauma and learn to cope with it will automatically start to see that this generalization is wrong. So unless this generalization becomes problematic, I wouldn't put to much focus on it.
I hope any of this helps, but like I said there is no uniform solution. Each person is unique and each trauma is specific.