Dilemma Dilemma!!

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chacha_jalebi

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as salaam ma alaykoom

eloo

thought i should start a discussion how about it eh!! btw this has nothin to do with me just a thought :D

im sure people have a ideal future partner, but they never end up attracting/finding them kind of people!! and they end up attractingfindin the people who are complete opposite!!

what should do you doo in such a situation ... ?

do you just give up hope and "compromise" and marry any old joe, or keep the faith and keep waitin ...
 
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you gotta know someone properly to find out if they're ideal or not


you cant really know someone till after marriage.


so marry the one easy to marry whos pious and of good character - ie you find her attractive




and then just kick back and relax :D
 
AssalamuAlaykum

As life goes on (*yawn*) you'll find that your 'ideal' keeps changing. There's a difference between what we want and what we can get. A differenct between our 'ideal' and the people that are actually out there.

Dont settle for second best but dont have such high expectations that you grow old and lonely in the process.

WassalamuAlaykum
 
just a note:

the word dilemma is not a negative term..a dilemma is when you have a chioce between two things..which may be equally positive.

eg) i have an apple which i love..and a banana which i love. my dilemma is which one i eat first..

now..

ideal partner? doesnt exist. love grows.

i think the key is to not be too picky..and when u see or get an offer, or are suggested someone who seems ok and foundatioanlly stable, take a few opportunities to get to know them a lil better in the halal way..

after u get married, the lil things will shine..and you will fall in love, and grow according to that person..so they will automatically become ur ideal..

also..i think an ideal partner is one who draws u closer to Allah with every moment spent together.

peace.

good luck to all of us.
 
awww fanx for advice lol i didnt know what to name the title so dilemma dilemmaa

basically like a friend is gettin married and the person he is getin married to he is jus marryin for the sake of marriage, get mee? like their isnt any knowin or anythin like how the person is? practisin or not?, andd it just got my mind working :D

allah hu alim,
 
chacha_jalebi said:
awww fanx for advice lol i didnt know what to name the title so dilemma dilemmaa

basically like a friend is gettin married and the person he is getin married to he is jus marryin for the sake of marriage, get mee? like their isnt any knowin or anythin like how the person is? practisin or not?, andd it just got my mind working :D

allah hu alim,
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your frend mite be doing the best thing for himself..people are very differnt..if he sees his situation fit, then khayr..

as for you bro...dno how old u are but all i can say is:

dont start thinking about marriage...it will come..it will start working on ur mind itself..there is no need for u to start it urself and get into a lot of waste...
 
chacha_jalebi said:
awww fanx for advice lol i didnt know what to name the title so dilemma dilemmaa

basically like a friend is gettin married and the person he is getin married to he is jus marryin for the sake of marriage, get mee? like their isnt any knowin or anythin like how the person is? practisin or not?, andd it just got my mind working :D

allah hu alim,
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AssalamuAlaykum

You know, bare people do that. Some end up regretting it ...some dont.

I think the main thing to look for is Imaan. If that person has a good level of Imaan then they'll keep in mind that nobody and nothing is perfect save Allah (swt), that love grows over time and he/she will know enough to give their partner their rights and to treat one another with respect, even though they may not appear 100% compatible at first.

Wallahu A'lam

WassalamuAlaykum
 
yeeaah sister, jazakhallah for the advice

me always beliefs jump the bridge when it comes!

marriage is one of them thins ive never really cared about bout, when the right person comes along woo hoo :D

erm thread has just died now :mmokay: lol
 
...54M4K4H... said:
AssalamuAlaykum

You know, bare people do that. Some end up regretting it ...some dont.

I think the main thing to look for is Imaan. If that person has a good level of Imaan then they'll keep in mind that nobody and nothing is perfect save Allah (swt), that love grows over time and he/she will know enough to give their partner their rights and to treat one another with respect, even though they may not appear 100% compatible at first.

Wallahu A'lam

WassalamuAlaykum
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ya thats what i meant by ideal, but many people like they get agitated of waitin for the person with the imaan or whatever else they lookin for, and any old proposal comes they will say yes, and just leave it to Allah (Swt) to work it, and like you said some times it work and sometimes it dont! may alll marriages work :D ameen
 
chacha_jalebi said:
ya thats what i meant by ideal, but many people like they get agitated of waitin, any old proposal comes they will say yes, and just leave it to Allah (Swt) to work it, and like you said some times it work and sometimes it dont! may alll marriages work :D ameen
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AssalamuAlaykum

Thumma Ameen.

I think as long as you ask Allah (swt) to give you that which is Khayr for you, and you feel as though you are making the right decision then one should go for it insha'Allah. And after that everything else is just down to Qadr.

If you dont find your 'ideal'....you might just realise that what you did get was better for you. I'm not saying settle for less but sometimes we gotta appreciate that we dont always get what we want and that its the smaller things in life that count.

WassalamuAlaykum

P.S Oh Rabbi, I've turned into a serious Fish :skeleton:
 
but i always feel if you dont find someone who fits your criteria, you should to a extent compromise, but compromise a bit lol, like not compromise that if they are a clubber you start clubbin with them! i believes matches are made in heaven! lets jus settle it at that :D
 
chacha_jalebi said:
but i always feel if you dont find someone who fits your criteria, you should to a extent compromise, but compromise a bit lol, like not compromise that if they are a clubber you start clubbin with them! i believes matches are made in heaven! lets jus settle it at that :D
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AssalamuAlaykum

Yeah thats what I mean, like dont compromise where there's no need to and to the extremes i.e. your clubbing example. But course you gotta compromise, life is all about give and take. And again, with marriage, you wont know the person and 100% about them since you wont have interacted with them as much. But as the hadeeth goes, If there's one thing you dont like about your spouse there's loadsa other things you'll find sweet.

WassalamuAlaykum
 
its one of them thins that you cant really talk about till your actually involved i.e married!!

btw what possessed you to such a name sister :muddlehea what it meaan or say
 
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chacha_jalebi said:
its one of them thins that you cant really talk about till your actually involved i.e married!!

btw what possessed you to such a name sister :muddlehea what it meaan or say
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AssalamuAlaykum

Yup, its ok to have an ideal but obsessing over something that hasnt actually happened yet is insane. Marriage is such a bond that can be filled with love and barakah even though the two are complete opposites. All it takes is a lil Sabr and Taqwa Bi'ithnillah.


well i am like reeeal weird and i like reaall weird stuff
 
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chacha_jalebi said:
im sure people have a ideal future partner, but they never end up attracting/finding them kind of people!! and they end up attractingfindin the people who are complete opposite!!
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Depends what the opposite is! If you want someone who has a strong faith and end up liking someone with very weak faith, that ain't good.
But if it's something like, you think someone very generous would appeal to you but someone very funny ends up to attract you, that's not bad.

You said it yourself, to an extent you gotta compromise. And as sister JolieFleur said, your 'ideal' keeps changing. InshaAllah, always try to pray Istikharah in important matters like these, just to be sure. :thumbs_up

chacha_jalebi said:
btw what possessed you to such a name sister :muddlehea what it meaan or say
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French. "Pretty flower".
 
Assalamu Alaykum Brothers and Sisters,

First of all, ideal, compatible etc are all relative terms. So in reality, you will not ge to truly know the person till after marriage. It seems to me that after marriage, both men and women relax and drop their guard and start doing thing they would never do before marriage. So knowing someone prior to marriage is not key to a successful long lasting marriage. However, I agree with "Jolie Fleur", this is not something to jump into with blindfolds. There has to be a starting base and that has the be the level of Iman. I hope you find his helpful.

Your Brother in Islam
 
How do you know the person?
It all falls down by luck doesn't it? Psh, its like time to get maried, to this wierd person u do not kno a single bit, and then if your lucky after two years you might feel something for em eh? ANd if your not lucky you will sit there , holding a rose, plucking each petal and saying "I suck at life, i dont suck at life, i suck at life...."
lol

sorry i never posibl to get positive thinkin :(
 
Mukafi7 said:
It seems to me that after marriage, both men and women relax and drop their guard and start doing thing they would never do before marriage.

Your Brother in Islam
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Wa'alaykum salam Akhee

I think the above point is an important one also. I mean, you cant fully know the person before marriage. The best you can do is ask the family members, relatives and close friends of that person...But even then, nothing is guaranteed.

Soo...dont be picky waiting for an 'ideal'...go with what you're happy with and what you think will bring about happiness and a successful marriage. Ask Allah (swt) to help and guide you. Its a life-changing decision and I can understand people being picky. But only the members who are married will be able to tell us how love increases after marriage and how any faults seem insignificant. Lol although I'm not married I think its probably true :-[

May Allah bless us all in successful and happy unions. Ameen

WassalamuAlaykum
 
there should be a bit of feelins before marriage, like when your introduced through someone there should be that feelin of kaa ching :D or some sort of attraction and then if you decide to get married, them feelins should inshallah keep increasin till the day you both die:D

or is that just too fantasy world lol
 

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