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seeker-of-light
10-13-2008, 10:36 PM
hello before i became interested in islam i had many male friends actually i had more male friends than female friends. they now talk to me everyday still, even when i try to be more "cool" towards them. since islam discourages male/female relationships outside of marriage i dont know what to do or how to nicely tell them that i cant just "hang out" with them like i used to. i dont want to hurt anyones feelings at all. is there anyway i can do this?
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جوري
10-13-2008, 10:48 PM
You can speak to them without stepping bounds.
The way you speak with the brothers here on the forum..

Allah knows best

:w:
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F0z14
10-13-2008, 11:04 PM
Salaam sis, i know how ur feeling, im struggling with the same situation myself. i had so many guy friends who i was really good friends with and hung out with alot. i dnt knw how to distance myself from them, like sometimes i forget how haraam it is and i need to remind myself constantly
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Abdul Fattah
10-13-2008, 11:06 PM
Originally Posted by seeker-of-light
hello before i became interested in islam i had many male friends actually i had more male friends than female friends. they now talk to me everyday still, even when i try to be more "cool" towards them. since islam discourages male/female relationships outside of marriage i dont know what to do or how to nicely tell them that i cant just "hang out" with them like i used to. i dont want to hurt anyones feelings at all. is there anyway i can do this?
Selam aleykum
I know from experience this is very hard, I had some female friends before I converted and I found it very challenging to to let them go without hurting their feelings.

A few suggestions:
I don't know how far you are in your religion, how long since you converted, and how many rules you started following already. But you'll find that many rules have a practical upshot. Of course each rule should be followed for the right intention, for the purpose of seeking Allah (subhana wa t'ala) his pleasure. But abiding by some rules, for example not shaking hands or having any physical contact with the opposite sex immediately creates a barrier between people. It stops people in their momentum makes them aware of the fact that according to your religion you should keep a certain distance. Another example, for me wearing a beard reminded people of the fact that I reverted. I guess for woman the hijab would have the same effect and help remind old friends that you have changed, and that in affect your relationship with them has changed to. so basically the more rules you'll start to follow, the easier everything will become. The more you'll avoid things that are haram, the easier following Islam will become. For example, if one of the shared activities with this person was something haram, (like going out clubbing and drinking) then as soon as you start avoiding that you'll automatically see each other less and eventually loose contact as well.
Also Rather then waiting for the conversation to come up, possibly putting you in a disposition, it might be preferable to bring this up a.s.a.p. on your terms. That way you could introduce things a lot less hurtful way.

May Allah subhana wa t'ala make it easy for you
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barney
10-13-2008, 11:17 PM
From what I have read and talked about with the muslims here, it has to be the following.
Speak with them when neccessery.
Not in a trivial or familiar way. No Joking or familiar talking.
Avert the gaze down when in their presence.
If possible then have a third party who is mahram present.
Ensure dress is appropriate.
If they are Kuffar, Be aware of anything that would imitate their ways and avoid it.

That's my understanding. As a kuffar its probably totally wrong, but thats what I've picked up.
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The Khan
10-13-2008, 11:35 PM
:sl:

I am going through the same dilema. A Hindu girl, my best friend, convinced me to return to Islam. As far as she was concerned, I needed religion back in my life, any religion, and she discouraged me from atheism. Now, I am having difficulty in being friends with her.

This is what I do:

Make sure that I am in public when I meet her, or with either her elder sister, brother or parents.

Do not meet her if she is dressed inappropriately (she's a local actress and video jockey).

Of course, she's more like a sister to me than my own sister.
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جوري
10-14-2008, 02:05 AM




:lol: I just couldn't resist and didn't know where else to stick this, if I didn't love my avatar so much, that would be my avy..
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alcurad
10-14-2008, 03:23 AM
^hmm, I guess we all need our fun...:)

and brother seeker-of-light, take it slowly,having a normal relationship is not forbidden.
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------
10-14-2008, 12:04 PM
:salamext:

^ Exactly. I think a relationship between a girl and a guy, within the limits is alright. But then again others would disagree.
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seeker-of-light
10-18-2008, 10:54 PM
Originally Posted by alcurad
^hmm, I guess we all need our fun...:)

and brother seeker-of-light, take it slowly,having a normal relationship is not forbidden.
oh i am a sister hehe and umm i just want to do allah's will whatever that may be^^
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