The beginning
:: Your money has not reached us. Your condolences have not been heard. Your humanitarian aids are of no use now. ::
It was the 20th of March 2003, I recall this day well because it was the day I had memorised the Qur'aan. It was a joyous day. I had been working hard to reach that level, to know every ayah of the Qur'aan by heart and it was at the age of 13 that I had the pleasure of tasting the sweetness of hifdh.
The war began. It was too soon for me to truly understand what was happening and till this day I do not quite know anything. The little I do know is a mixture of dream and reality, a blur of sheer confusion. Not a fit state for any one but during war, you do not have time to dwell on your psychological state. You pray that insanity does not drive you to destruction and so far I can say I'm sane, All praise due to Allaah.
Forgive me for my thoughts are scattered and it is taking me a while for me to collect them in an orderly fashion. I need you to truly understand the state my people are in. I want you to feel pain until you feel no more, to hear the bullets being fired from miles away. Understand that this is not a plea for sympathy, no; it is a taste of reality which I think many of you may lack.
I had 2 brother and 2 sisters, of whom all are dead. As for my mother and father, then you have guessed right, they too lie 6ft below. I roam these streets every day alone, in hope to find a companion, someone to talk to for if I continue talking to myself any longer I shall become insane, truly insane. But till this day, 5 years later I still seek a friend but perhaps it is not meant to be. I do not know.
It was only a short period after the war that a group of American soldiers had welcomed themselves into our home and killed my family. Did they leave me out of pity? No. Surely it could not be anything but the worst form of torture. Death would have been an easy escape. A well deserved break after all that had happened but they spared me and only God knows their intention and I try not to condemn them to hell every time I remember.
Since the death of my family, I have kept hidden, whether it was in abandoned places or under rubbles. I soon learnt that the troops did not look in places that were isolated. It was not worth stalking one individual when they could fire at 20 individuals and say that they were 'provoked.'