Zina and repentance

[Farhanaust]

Assalaam alaikum

I discovered by finding a photograph and then reading her chat messages that my (Muslim) wife recently had an affair with a non believer. She now knows that I know this and is overseas at the moment, due to return this week. We have a 5 year old son.

My wife must find her own way to repentance (Surat An Nur, ayat 5).

As her husband I feel I should now divorce her, but as a compassionate Muslim I feel I should help her find repentance.

If a spouse commits zina, and shows (genuine) repentance, should his/her partner try to keep the marriage and family together? Or should divorce be the only option every time? Thank you.

Farhan

[Triumphant]

In my honest opinion ahki, once a woman does this especially with a non believer? she is not going to change.

[Malaikah]

Brother no one here can make the decision for you. If you can find it within yourself to forgive then that's great, especially if she has repented sincerely. If you can both put it behind you and move on, then that's always better than divorce.

At the end of the day, it is your choice to make.

[syilla]

:salamext:

akhee...you know your wife better than the rest of us :). You're the best person to decide.

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[Farhanaust]

Thank you brothers for your advice. She, and her mother, know the serious sin she has committed and the risk they now face of this becoming known in their community overseas. If (and only if) she shows remorse and genuinely repents I have the patience, for the sake of our family, to help her. However, if she shows no sign of this, she (and her family) must live with the consequences.

[nebula]

:salamext:

akhee...you know your wife better than the rest of us :). You're the best person to decide.

This is true ^

Bro give her a chance everyone makes mistakes no one is perfect, if she really feels remorse and you see a change in her then forgive coz Allah will forgive if she repents sincerly so theres no reason that you shouldnt either.

[Zahida]

:sl: Brother it was very sad to read your post. I have been through the same situation, forgave my husband and took him back for the sake of my children. He was sorry to start off with but then did it again and again and...................again.

I commend you on your thoughts but it will be very difficult for you to see her with the same eyes, and if she has any shame she will not be able to look at you, having been in this scenario myself everytime we had an arguement afterwards the affairs came into them. I wish it were simple. But once the damage is done it is very hard for things to be the same.

You have to make this decision for yourself, as you know the whole story and we only know what you have told us. Like the brother above said pray istikhaara and InshaAllah Allah will guide you to do the right thing. Ameen.:w:

[TabTabiun]

Islamically the person that commits adultery is to be stoned to death,no exceptions just like the one that commits fornication if they were a virgin they are to be flogged, no exceptions.

[TrueStranger]

Islamically the person that commits adultery is to be stoned to death,no exceptions just like the one that commits fornication if they were a virgin they are to be flogged, no exceptions.

That is only if there are four witnesses.

[BlackMamba]

^Ya exactly 4 eye witnesses. Very hard to come by

[Triumphant]

Why do you think Allah swt want's us to stone the adultress? It's because he knows that they're never going to change and they're only going to hurt good brothers like you. She's and evil and infected woman indeed ehki. May allah swt have mercy on her. You should divorce her ehki and look for true muslimah who fears allah swt.

[TabTabiun]

Why do you think Allah swt want's us to stone the adultress? It's because he knows that they're never going to change and they're only going to hurt good brothers like you. She's and evil and infected woman indeed ehki. May allah swt have mercy on her. You should divorce her ehki and look for true muslimah who fears allah swt.

It doesn't mean that she is evil it just means that at that particular phase in her life she was weak, you should never call another Muslim a name, because if it is not true it returns to the one that said it, the act she commited was evil but Al-Hamduillah she is our sister in Islam and we shouldn't look down on her.

[youngsister]

:sl:

Seriously I have noticed something..

From reading certain topics that were made in the advice section when a sister complains that her husband cheated most i mean 80% of the replies will say that she should forgive him and be patient.

Yet when the sister is the one who commited this horrible sin well just check some replies.

Just a through.

Anyways brother I be honest with you if my husband cheated i would divorce him, I do admire the fact that you are willing to forgive her and May Allah swt forgive her.

Pray Istakarah brother and try to see if she really wants to repent or whether she scared that people will know..

[Ansariyah]

Wat has the world come to?

[Argamemnon]

In my honest opinion ahki, once a woman does this especially with a non believer? she is not going to change.

It doesn't matter whether a man does this or a woman. It's equally disgusting. I would immediately divorce her.

[noorseeker]

:sl:

Seriously I have noticed something..

From reading certain topics that were made in the advice section when a sister complains that her husband cheated most i mean 80% of the replies will say that she should forgive him and be patient.

Yet when the sister is the one who commited this horrible sin well just check some replies.

Just a through.

Anyways brother I be honest with you if my husband cheated i would divorce him, I do admire the fact that you are willing to forgive her and May Allah swt forgive her.

Pray Istakarah brother and try to see if she really wants to repent or whether she scared that people will know..

That is so true, even im thinking because the women done it seems worse.

Because its usually the guy that chaets,.


Anyway brother i respect your compassion

[Argamemnon]

Why do you think Allah swt want's us to stone the adultress? It's because he knows that they're never going to change and they're only going to hurt good brothers like you. She's and evil and infected woman indeed ehki. May allah swt have mercy on her. You should divorce her ehki and look for true muslimah who fears allah swt.

She is no more "evil" than all the men out there who commit zina.

[Ansariyah]

She is no more "evil" than all the men out there who commit zina.

u make sense.

Wrong Is wrong
Evil is Evil..

Gender got nothing to wit it.

[Argamemnon]

u make sense.

Wrong Is wrong
Evil is Evil..

Gender got nothing to wit it.

In reality most Muslim men are hypocrites in this respect.

[ziyad786]

:sl:
This crime is so serious that according to shariah laws zina whilst a person is married is punishable by death....

the fact that she did zina with a non muslim makes it even greater if it is actually possibly to do a greater sin.

I think you want to hold onto things before they fall apart, but honestly my brother i think you should try find another wife whom you want to live forever with....dont be stuck with someone whom you will always suspect or soothing....


OK be a good muslim and forgive her so that Allah forgives your sin but i dont belive you continuing with this "marriage" is a good idea...

i pray Allah helps you an rewards your patience

[Baji-Ji]

Only Allah knows who he will forgive and who he will not forgive.

[Farhanaust]

Assalaamu alaikum

Shukran jazeelan to all the brothers and sisters who replied to my original posting, it was wonderful to receive the support and advice. With your help I sought guidance and advice from alquran and found many ayat to help me understand the meaning of sabr, or 'patience' in English. A website with helpful guidance and links here:
http://islam.about.com/od/prayer/a/patience.htm

Then I sought to understand the real meaning of thaubah, or 'repentance' in English. I read Surah 9 over and over.

I offered my wife understanding, patience and tried to help her understand what she had done, respectfully and with genuine care. Her answer? 'Everybody does it'.

I cannot help her any more, she must find her own way. She left, of her own accord, about a month ago.

I found Surah 55 Arrahman to be helpful in my struggles to understand what has happened.

'Which then, of the favours of your Lord will you deny?

Thank you again, brothers and sisters.

[nebula]

Asalaamalaykum bro, im sorry to hear that she left... you even forgave her and she left... akhi may Allah give you paitence bro, this might be your test from Allah swt, keep your trust in Allah bro, He is the best of planners. As Allah swt said in the Quran that the believers will be tested just as those who were tested before us.

[Zahida]

:sl: I am really so brother, it is very hard being on your own, i know this is not what you want to hear but maybe it is for the best. When i seperated from my husband i wrote down positive and negative things about him. I found more negative rather than positive. This helped me come to terms and face reality and helped me realise that i was holding onto something which was not good for me.................

Maybe you could take time and do the same, at the end of the day i feel she will regret her decision, and come back to you. InshaAllah if that is what you want..............

At the moment brother please take this time and use it as a reflection of your marraige and relationship. After what she has put you through is she really worth putting yourself through trauma.... (forgive me as i do not know her), and continue your life as you would...........

Another way to overcome the pain, hurt and rejection is to constantly remind yourself that maybe Allah has removed something from you which is not good for you.......... Ameen I wish you the Best...............:):w:

[burdenofbeing]

I'm sorry to say but, good riddance.

[BlackMamba]

wow what a (5 letter word that I'll get my post removed for typing)

[gladTidings]

Maybe you deserve something better....inshAllah. I pray Allah swt makes it easy for you. Ameen

[thinktank]

Her answer? 'Everybody does it'.

Subahan'Allah i would find this hard to digest if this was said to me. In our (western) society unfortunately Adultery and Fornication has become the norm, if you don't practice it and remain chaste you are seen as the abnormal, Wallah ul Musta'an

[Zahida]

:sl: I am so sorry i am not defending what this lady has done having been a victim myself, maybe she feels guilty and couldn't face what she had done so decided to walk.........................who knows????:D:w:

[Zebunissa]

Sorry to hear about your situation brother. At the end of the day its your decision.

But I do believe once the trust has gone there is not much left of a relationship. You can forgive someone once and give them the benefit of the doubt that they will change but as they have betrayed our trust before, sometimes we can't help wondering 'What are they upto now?' and 'What if they do it again'.

Put your faith in Allah, maybe this was a test for you or Allah has something better in store for you. :)

[MO783]

sorry to here this, may Allah help you