Depressed!! what have i done?

Hello and Salam to all.

Please help me; I'm at the point of self destruction imsad:'(

I'd like to start off with how my life from an early age has been so depressing and I don't see it getting any better, I was born and brought up as a Muslim and always have Allah in my heart but what have I and my family done to deserve a life of such hardship while I see other Muslim youth who are doing wrong stuff but seem to have everything in life yet I have nothing.

My Mum who has brought up three sons including me and one daughter all by herself from an early age as my father used to drink alcohol and beat my mum in front of us which has left me with memories which I will carry for the rest of my life. However I do not regret what has happened because I feel it has made me a better person. I feel Allah has given some punishment for my father bad deeds by making him disabled after suffering a major stroke 5 years ago. I look up to my mum because she went through a lot while we was growing up, she was burnt alive by a bunch of racist white boys and girls while waiting for a bus in London and she also suffered from breast cancer but with Allah's help she came through it.

My family has never had much money and we barely survive, which caused me to go astray and do bad things. Some boys saw I was weak and they took advantage of me and now I’m suffering as they have left me. I sit in my room all day crying, listening to the Quran for hope but I don't see it helping me. You are asking what the boys have done to me. They knew I was poor, and saw they could make money on me and now I'm left with a debt which would make you shiver. I have harmed myself buy getting a knife and cutting my right arm, the pain was too much to handle inside; I wanted to feel the real pain.

I can't go to sleep and I do read the Quran in English (as I can't read Arabic) to help and it does work but I don't know what more to do apart from making a dua to Allah for help. This depression has been going on for two years now and I can't cope anymore, I need help, I want to talk to someone about it but I can't that’s why I kindly ask all the brothers and sister to make a dua for the suffering for me and my family to end, I'm in tears as I right because I don't see the ray of hope which could get me out the mess.

Bruder,

because I don't see the ray of hope

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Leave that pessimistic attitude, now! It will do you no good I can assure you. You must remember that Allah [swt] is always there for us, and to him you must ask for help and guidance. As you have described it seems that you are going through an extremely tough time, and this may seem harsh for me to say but: you need to try and move on: forget about the terrible ordeal that happened to your mother, forget about cutting your right arm and forget about the boys that have now left you. You must mentally strengthen yourself for the journey ahead and tell yourself "This is a time for me to move on! Let me put this misery behind me and start anew!".

More optimism and the will to move on will do the trick I think .

Keep us updated, bro'.

Little one. Your post made me cry............I pray that Allah helps you to resolve your problems and replaces them with ease and happiness. Ameen.

You are doing just fine, continue to read the Quran just the way you are as long as your heart is clean and your intentions pure language is not a barrier between you and Allah. Ok.

You have to be strong. As you tell us your mother has been through enough already. Please little one don't add to her pain, harming yourself is harming your mother. You respect her too much to do anything silly, right.

Allah will help you, you have to put your trust in Him and Him alone. Bhai Talha has given you some strong advice, please heed to it . You know there is nothing that you can't do if you put your mind to it. InshaAllah you will come through this.

Seek help from your doctor, even helplines are available. If you feel comfortable then speak to your imaam. We are all here to help you.InshaAllah.

After every hardship there is ease................... Ameen.:thankyou:

Pray Salaat, Quran and make dua, Inshallah Allahs help will come, got to have paitence.

If you have a hard time talking to people about it, continue to post here and let it all out. We will always be listening. Reading the Qua ran and making du'a is great. You have to do like what Ali said and just let everything go and start new. Find a way to get yourself motivated to want to get a job and help the family out (if possible). Think about not only Gaza, but all over the world to the people who are less fortunate without families or homes or money. Take this time to make the most out of what you have as things will get better ameen!

Continue to keep us posted.

As-Salaamu Alaikum
I can't find the Du'a book but if you have the fortress of the Muslim you can look in the table of contents for the du'a of I think it is calamity.

Dear Brother

Sometimes Allah tests his creation to see how we react.
Sometimes Shaitain shows us that being "Bad" has its benefits, so you stray from Islam.

The situation you unfortunately find yourself in is a challenge on your Eeman. How strong is your love of Allah? How strong a Muslim are you?
Remember the hardships you suffer in the path of Allah will be rewarded in the hereafter.

Be Strong my friend.
May Allah guide you, look after you and your family and ease the burden upon you all.
My prayers are for you tonight.