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pridefulmuslim
02-01-2009, 09:09 AM
i am a 17 yr old male and have a female first cousin that is a few months younger than me. she is good looking and she is just a very close friend and we joke around with each other a lot. we have no feelings for each other.

the problem is that the elders in my family think that we are getting too close
and like each other. now they are trying to seperate us and keep us away from each other. they even told me that i cant joke around with her, i dont know how this is possible because i joke with every person i talk to, thats just the type of person i am. the jokes are not dirty either, they are clean and jokes that anyone can laugh to. the funny thing is that a lot of ppl in the family think i am attracted to her just because she looks good, but truthfully shes a cousin and a good friend. y would i want to marry someone in the family when i can marry someone beautiful that is not related to me?

in my family a lot of my 1st cousins married another cousin, and personally i dont think its right.i know the prophet(pbuh) married one of his family members, but i cant do that because i grew up in a different culture & it just doesnt seem right to me......but the elders dont understand this about me....

how can i hang out with my cousin without getting in trouble?? i cant just stop talkin to her, shes too close of a friend!

P.S. - we are close because she is the only cousin my age that lives in my city 5 minutes away from me, i knew her my whole life!
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IbnAbdulHakim
02-01-2009, 12:28 PM
^ if you have no feelings for her just leave her alone
even if you dont have feelings for her, she might develop them for you!!
its not exactly a huge sacrifice bro


its islamically wrong to joke about with her so much anyway
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HelpAbdulHameed
02-01-2009, 03:55 PM
As-Salamu Alaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh

The first thing you should understand that she is not haram for you to get married to her. Which means you can not be playful with each other unless your married.

Allah says : English Interpretation of Qur'an Surah An-Noor

"Tell the believing men to lower their gaze and be modest. That is purer for them. Lo! Allah is aware of what they do."

Allah talks about Woman's position in the Quran in regards to this issue
Allah says : English Interpretation of Qur'an Surah An-Noor

"And say to the faithful women to lower their gazes, and to guard their private parts, and not to display their beauty except what is apparent of it, and to extend their headcoverings (khimars) to cover their bosoms (jaybs), and not to display their beauty except to their husbands, or their fathers, or their husband's fathers, or their sons, or their husband's sons, or their brothers, or their brothers' sons, or their sisters' sons, or their womenfolk, or what their right hands rule (slaves), or the followers from the men who do not feel sexual desire, or the small children to whom the nakedness of women is not apparent, and not to strike their feet (on the ground) so as to make known what they hide of their adornments. And turn in repentance to Allah together, O you the faithful, in order that you are successful "

So fear Allah, and do not be playful unless you get married. There are restrictions on how much you can interact.

As-Salamu Alaykum
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pridefulmuslim
02-03-2009, 10:14 PM
lol we r not playful.....i think ur gettin it all wrong, they r not flirty jokes....they are the kind of jokes that i can do with my parents, aunts, uncles, etc.....they are jokes that i can say to anyone.....do u get it??

i have a lot of female cousins 35+ yrs, how come the elders dont care if i joke with them but they care that im jokin with the 17 yr old cousin.......

and mashallah i have a humorous family and everyone jokes with each other, my guy cousins (they are pretty old) joke around with my mom (who is their nah-mehram cuz she is not from this side of the family).....y is it wrong for me to joke around with the younger female cousin????

and another thing, a lot of the times i joke its not even with her, its with someone else and a lot of ppl laugh, she happens to be one of them. and then the elders get mad.....is that wrong?? this is basically saying that i cant be myself in front of my family and i dont think thats possible.....
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Pk_#2
02-03-2009, 10:19 PM
Originally Posted by pridefulmuslim
lol we r not playful.....i think ur gettin it all wrong, they r not flirty jokes....they are the kind of jokes that i can do with my parents, aunts, uncles, etc.....they are jokes that i can say to anyone.....do u get it??

i have a lot of female cousins 35+ yrs, how come the elders dont care if i joke with them but they care that im jokin with the 17 yr old cousin.......

and mashallah i have a humorous family and everyone jokes with each other, my guy cousins (they are pretty old) joke around with my mom (who is their nah-mehram cuz she is not from this side of the family).....y is it wrong for me to joke around with the younger female cousin????

and another thing, a lot of the times i joke its not even with her, its with someone else and a lot of ppl laugh, she happens to be one of them. and then the elders get mad.....is that wrong?? this is basically saying that i cant be myself in front of my family and i dont think thats possible.....
:rollseyes

If she laughs and you're not speaking with her then why are your rents mad?

- Don't start a conversation with her

or

- play with her

- or sit next to her (And God forbid ON HER!!)


Just because your uncle jokes with your mother, does NOT make it alright, the whole world can become alcoholic, but would that make alcohol halal? Nuh uh akhi,

& get married! :statisfie [then you can joke with your wife]
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AhlaamBella
02-03-2009, 10:21 PM
Just because your family are doing one thing, doesn't mean it entitles you to do the same.
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alcurad
02-03-2009, 10:44 PM
Originally Posted by Pk_#2
:rollseyes

& get married! :statisfie [then you can joke with your wife]
not to mention tickle her if she doesn't laugh).

anyway, would you be happy with someone 'joking' with say your own wife the way you 'joke' with you cousin,,
hopefully now that you're a bit older you do realize the implications of that?
Islam doesn't forbid normal interaction if there is no sexual element involved, thus the rules for males & females who are non-mahram not-married only to speak in public etc.
now you don't have feelings, maybe later you will, nothing wrong with developing feelings, but that is the reasoning your 'elders' are using, can't say it's not true either.
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pridefulmuslim
02-03-2009, 10:48 PM
yea u guys r right...............lol i think im just mad cuz my family has a bunch of hypocrites
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Pk_#2
02-03-2009, 10:53 PM
Originally Posted by pridefulmuslim
yea u guys r right...............lol i think im just mad cuz my family has a bunch of hypocrites
That's a big word, avoid it, please.
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IbnAbdulHakim
02-03-2009, 10:55 PM
Originally Posted by pridefulmuslim
yea u guys r right...............lol i think im just mad cuz my family has a bunch of hypocrites
and yet they might be much much better then you :p !


they did after all prevent you from something unlawful islamically, and you looked into it (mashAllah you nice kid you :p) and realised its correct afta All, mashAllah they jus protected you :)
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pridefulmuslim
02-03-2009, 10:55 PM
Originally Posted by alcurad
not to mention tickle her if she doesn't laugh).

anyway, would you be happy with someone 'joking' with say your own wife the way you 'joke' with you cousin,,
no i wouldnt mind......thats what im tryna say, they are jokes u can do with anybody............and its public speaking with her, we dont ever get alone.....i dont think i want to get alone with her, shes my cousin!!
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God-is-great
02-27-2009, 05:30 PM
It doesn’t matter if she’s just your cousin
Islamicly, you’re not her mahrum, which means that you can marry her (not saying you want to, mind you)
The point is, you shouldn’t be joking around with her like that.
Your relatives were right to get mad and trying to stop you
You never know what your cousin’s intentions are. She might develop feelings for you.
And then what?
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