reverts

[yusuf18]

i have noticed that loads of revert sisters once they have converted they are made to to fit in the muslim community yes they are welcomed when they revert but after they left alone is it better for brothers to marry reverts instead of their own ?

[nadia85]

i have noticed that loads of revert sisters once they have converted they are made to to fit in the muslim community yes they are welcomed when they revert but after they left alone is it better for brothers to marry reverts instead of their own ?

If the sister is a true strong beliver where ever she is or who ever she is with it wouldnt change her i think

[Dawud_uk]

:sl:

i think sisters make more effort to see that those new to the deen, either to practicing it or reverts are made to fit in and apply more social pressure to make this happen than brothers do.

and yes many reverts, brothers as well as sisters are left alone once they've been fitted for their new jubbah /jilbarb, toppee / hijab, it is like the community thinks once the external is taken care off they can leave job done not realising there is whole set of jahil things below the surface in thoughts, beliefs and actions and that making someone a strong believer needs more effort.

however i dont see how this would make a revert sister a better or worst marriage prospect, in the west many sisters new to practicing face the same problems revert sisters face so if you wish to marry to help a sister practice more then dont confine yourself to reverts only.

:sl:

[Pomak]

Reverts need to be left alone to figure out what type of Islam they intend to follow. Also there is the whole issue that some excuses for a man, justify various things with the "Islam says so" excuse, when in fact it has nothing to do with Islam.

Hey there! Looks like you're enjoying the discussion, but you're not signed up for an account.

When you create an account, you can participate in the discussions and share your thoughts. You also get notifications, here and via email, whenever new posts are made. And you can like posts and make new friends.
Sign Up

[UmmSqueakster]

Reverts need to be left alone to figure out what type of Islam they intend to follow. Also there is the whole issue that some excuses for a man, justify various things with the "Islam says so" excuse, when in fact it has nothing to do with Islam.

I concur, although I'd say it's more of allowing them a chance to develop their deen and find out how they approach the religion, rather than what type of islam they follow (I'm not a big fan of dividing into groups).

I married 3 years after I converted, and looking back, I'd think even now that was too soon. I've developed my religion and decided to follow the shafi'i madhab, and often am in opposition with my ibn hazm loving husband. We still love each other to death, but it's hard when spouses disagree on things religiously.

[islamlover_girl]

i have noticed that loads of revert sisters once they have converted they are made to to fit in the muslim community yes they are welcomed when they revert but after they left alone is it better for brothers to marry reverts instead of their own ?

I think there is no diffrence between the reverts and the women who were born as a muslim.
Person who is looking for a wife have to look for her religion , character and (qobol), no matter if she is a revert or born as a muslim.

[Muhajabah]

Salaam aleikum

I might becoming unpopular here now, but I have my own thoughts about this. And I know these things because I actually have experience in life. I am 33 years old and I have been single, married, divorced and re-married, so I tried it all.

I would be VERY VERY sceptical to a brother who insisted on marrying a revert only, if he is born muslim. Why, you might ask. The truth is... I could never know if he wanted me for visa, as a trophy-wife to bring home to his homeland, or just past-time while living in foreign land. I have seen so so many hearts of sisters being broken by men who just used them, because honestly, reverts are an easy target.

[GreyKode]

^My apologies to you sister for what you might have experienced from muslim men, may ALLAH strengthen your Imaan and bless you.

[GreyKode]

But no god-fearing true muslim would act in such a selfish and opportunist way.

[Muhajabah]

Salaam aleikum

I have not had those experiences myself, Alhamdulillah, could have happened, but I declined all offers from men who did not have permanent residence in my country, when I was divorced.

But I work with womens issues in the masjid, and I have my own forum for muslim women in my local language, and I am active online on several women-only forums, and I seen so so many tragic stories!

Yes, they are not God-fearing muslims, but they love to portray themselves as such.

I know one sister, she was told that because she had a child from before, born outside wedlock (before she came to islam), she had no right to Mahr... I mean, come on... When we told her she does, her "fiance" became so angry, making takfeer on all converts, saying we are not real muslims in the eyes of Allah, only Arabs are, bla bla bla...

And he is NOT unique.

[جوري]

Salaam aleikum

I might becoming unpopular here now, but I have my own thoughts about this. And I know these things because I actually have experience in life. I am 33 years old and I have been single, married, divorced and re-married, so I tried it all.

I would be VERY VERY sceptical to a brother who insisted on marrying a revert only, if he is born muslim. Why, you might ask. The truth is... I could never know if he wanted me for visa, as a trophy-wife to bring home to his homeland, or just past-time while living in foreign land. I have seen so so many hearts of sisters being broken by men who just used them, because honestly, reverts are an easy target.

wa3lykoum aslaam wr wb
dear sister
trust me it isn't just reverts that unscrupulous men prey on, two examples of friends of mine was a pediatrician whose mother after the death of the father kept pushing her to get married (she had people asking in mosques) like her daughter was some sort of goods for sale (astghfor Allah) and one man posed himself as a doctor (in fact he was a taxi driver) there is nothing wrong with his vocation except that he deceived her from the start about everything which I'll not get into on this forum, another one also married the daughter of a prominent doctor, she herself was a computer engineer while he worked at a gas station, upon marrying her he decided to stay at home whole she fostered his habits, he cheated on her while she was five months pregnant..

I hope insha'Allah these people get what is coming to them one day.. they abuse Islam and they abuse women.
I am not sure who to blame in some of these cases, pushy parents or impatience on one's current state.. whatever the case, I suggest people not engage in marriage until they are absolutely sure about the other party's intentions, vocation and religiosity and character but so many folks feign being religious when they are if you'll forgive the term nothing but schmucks..

:w:

[kwolney01]

Reverts need to be left alone to figure out what type of Islam they intend to follow. Also there is the whole issue that some excuses for a man, justify various things with the "Islam says so" excuse, when in fact it has nothing to do with Islam.

I don't agree. Why leave a revert alone? And what do you mean what "type" of Islam to follow? Is Islam slowly becoming full of sects? When you start labeling Islam with different types you start picking and choosing what you want to practice and what you don't want to. It's not up to us to determine what parts of the religion we want to follow and what not to. Allah knows best and we should follow his commands not tailor them to our desires.

I am an American revert myself and I think Muslims should reach out to recent reverts for help and guidance. I think too many reverts feel left out or missed place after they revert because a lot of Muslims just stick to themselves and their own people. I'm not saying all Muslims are like this I'm just saying a lot of Muslims may feel more comfortable just sticking to themselves.

Marriage should not be based on a persons race. I realize that a lot of older Muslim parents pressure their children to marry within their race but this is not Islamic. You should marry someone because they have a strong iman not because of their race.

[islamlover_girl]

Marriage should not be based on a persons race. I realize that a lot of older Muslim parents pressure their children to marry within their race but this is not Islamic. You should marry someone because they have a strong iman not because of their race.

Very much agree with u sister.

[salamfromrom]

"her "fiance" became so angry, making takfeer on all converts, saying we are not real muslims in the eyes of Allah"

FACT: The 1st generation of muslims (Khadijah, Abu Bakr, Umar Khattab, Uthman etc etc etc) were ALL REVERTS

ENOUGH SAID!

Salam a leikum :-)

[salamfromrom]

Salam

and another thing: Every human being is born as a muslim, it is the parents/society who influence the child to believe in a certain way, but if Allah(swt) guides him/her then no one can lead him/her astray. Even being born into a muslim family does not necessarily mean that Allah(swt) will guide the person and establish real islamic faith in his heart.

salam a leikum

[islamlover_girl]

A revert is a person who suffered a lot to be a muslim and to keep his Islam ,the more the person suffers for his religen the more thawab from Allah he will gain in shaa Allah.
I think reverts are lucky coz they have the chance to gain more and more thawab in shaa Allah :statisfie:statisfie

[Pomak]

I don't agree. Why leave a revert alone? And what do you mean what "type" of Islam to follow? Is Islam slowly becoming full of sects? When you start labeling Islam with different types you start picking and choosing what you want to practice and what you don't want to. It's not up to us to determine what parts of the religion we want to follow and what not to. Allah knows best and we should follow his commands not tailor them to our desires.

I am an American revert myself and I think Muslims should reach out to recent reverts for help and guidance. I think too many reverts feel left out or missed place after they revert because a lot of Muslims just stick to themselves and their own people. I'm not saying all Muslims are like this I'm just saying a lot of Muslims may feel more comfortable just sticking to themselves.

Marriage should not be based on a persons race. I realize that a lot of older Muslim parents pressure their children to marry within their race but this is not Islamic. You should marry someone because they have a strong iman not because of their race.

This post will most likely be deleted, but you asked so i'll explain my reasons.

Converts should be left alone, particularly for marriage, because there is Islam but there are many attitudes and takes of Islam. There are muslims who have a habit of forgetting the classical motto. "believe that your right with the possibility of being wrong".

And by left alone i don't mean socially, rather not trying to push 50,000,000 books worth of stuff into his or her brain in the 1st day after shahada.

[kwolney01]

This post will most likely be deleted, but you asked so i'll explain my reasons.

Converts should be left alone, particularly for marriage, because there is Islam but there are many attitudes and takes of Islam. There are muslims who have a habit of forgetting the classical motto. "believe that your right with the possibility of being wrong".

And by left alone i don't mean socially, rather not trying to push 50,000,000 books worth of stuff into his or her brain in the 1st day after shahada.

Okay, brother. I agree about not pushing books and knowledge on them right away they need time to adjust and take everything in. This would only make them more confused. I'm a convert and sometimes when I hear many different takes on one issue I get confused. So I get your point brother.

Thanks for responding.

Salam

[Muhajabah]

FACT: The 1st generation of muslims (Khadijah, Abu Bakr, Umar Khattab, Uthman etc etc etc) were ALL REVERTS

ENOUGH SAID!

Salam a leikum :-)

We all tried to tell her that, but her fiance, a born muslim, ofcourse knew better :shade:

[convert]

This post will most likely be deleted, but you asked so i'll explain my reasons.

Converts should be left alone, particularly for marriage, because there is Islam but there are many attitudes and takes of Islam. There are muslims who have a habit of forgetting the classical motto. "believe that your right with the possibility of being wrong".

And by left alone i don't mean socially, rather not trying to push 50,000,000 books worth of stuff into his or her brain in the 1st day after shahada.

I got bored and was reading through threads. Astaughfirullah brother, if it was possible to disagree with you by more than 100% then I would. It is attitudes like this that make it so tough for converts.

You say not socially but thats what it turns into. Involve converts in everything you do, especially events at the masjid to let them learn their deen.

[Pomak]

I got bored and was reading through threads. Astaughfirullah brother, if it was possible to disagree with you by more than 100% then I would. It is attitudes like this that make it so tough for converts.

You say not socially but thats what it turns into. Involve converts in everything you do, especially events at the masjid to let them learn their deen.

Actually i am a convert. And i didn't need someone at the masjid talking to me about Ibn Taimiya the day after i converted. Or Habashis trying to "save me".

Basically i have nothing against helping them to learn the deen. As in the basics(as long as the basics are explained in light of 4 madhabs), but things like the moonsighting wars and 8 vs 20 rakats should be explained down the line by a scholar.

[kwolney01]

I think only converts can truly answer this since they have experience. It's hard changing your whole entire life. I'm a convert and it took me forever just to finally let everyone in my life know I was a Muslim. It's truly hard and it's even more hard when people are pushing things at you. I know people are just looking out for us, but from our side we need time to search and learn ourselves. Of course we need help along the way but not someone telling us what we should and should not do. It's great when someone converts to Islam and we should be there for the person when they need us. I think just letting them know they have someone to go to with anything will be the best for them.

[convert]

There were no classes at my masjid, no way for me to learn anything there (but there are fundraisers like clockwork every 3 months). I had to go online and/or teach myself. If someone would have just stepped up to the plate at the masjid and helped me, I wouldn't have been in that mess.

New muslim classes should be mandatory at every masjid, no exceptions.

[Dawud_uk]

There were no classes at my masjid, no way for me to learn anything there (but there are fundraisers like clockwork every 3 months). I had to go online and/or teach myself. If someone would have just stepped up to the plate at the masjid and helped me, I wouldn't have been in that mess.

New muslim classes should be mandatory at every masjid, no exceptions.

:sl:

from past experience when new muslim classes have been setup then they are often better attended by newly practicing muslims, not just reverts as they are often in a simular situation and need simular help to reverts.

so yes every masjid should do something like this, but there are a lot of things every masjid should do and most of them do none or very few of them so lets just get working on them one at a time.

easiest way of doing this is doing it or arranging it yourself, 'rizwan's first rule' whoever proposes the idea takes a lead in doing it.

:sl:

[convert]

been there, tried that. too much politics involved to get it started.

[Dawud_uk]

been there, tried that. too much politics involved to get it started.

:sl:

from what you have said your local masjid doesnt seem to be very good so really that leaves you two choices,

1. move to an area with a better masjid
2. change it

the first is actually easier than the 2nd, but the 2nd has much more reward even if you dont succeed, still your reward is with Allah.

:sl:

[muslim soul]

Aslam alaykum
I also am a revert and can remeber in my early days , i took my shahada and before i knew it i had people asking me are u married , i felt so much presure as i was alone and no family near me , i wanted to learn about islam , not get married , i wanted to meet new sisters, and when i looked around me i found no one subanallah those were very lonley and sad days and test from Allah , i reached a point i wanted to be alone than sit with people just for the sake of it , and started to learn myself about how to pray and stuff then finally i found a muslim women help line who introducd me to otehr muslim who wanted to know about me and help me as a muslima
so yes new sister do need alot of support and help , i crossed so many sisters like myself and the community sadley have let them down , or as some one pointed out they sister becomes so confused with all the groups which are around these days , i went through that at one point , i got mixed up with muslims who were only preaching jihad jihad and was starting to get astray with it all but alahmduillah Allah swt took me away from that and showed me its not correct , so plz look after your brother and sister in islam they need u ,

the visa part well was also taken in by that one but wasnt muslim at the time , now i would never marry my daughter or son to some one in with visa problems due to my own scars i guess , and from eperince not the best basic for marrige

hope i dont affend any one with my words not my niya to do that
walaykum aslam ur sister in islam

[yusuf18]

Aslam alaykum
I also am a revert and can remeber in my early days , i took my shahada and before i knew it i had people asking me are u married , i felt so much presure as i was alone and no family near me , i wanted to learn about islam , not get married , i wanted to meet new sisters, and when i looked around me i found no one subanallah those were very lonley and sad days and test from Allah , i reached a point i wanted to be alone than sit with people just for the sake of it , and started to learn myself about how to pray and stuff then finally i found a muslim women help line who introducd me to otehr muslim who wanted to know about me and help me as a muslima
so yes new sister do need alot of support and help , i crossed so many sisters like myself and the community sadley have let them down , or as some one pointed out they sister becomes so confused with all the groups which are around these days , i went through that at one point , i got mixed up with muslims who were only preaching jihad jihad and was starting to get astray with it all but alahmduillah Allah swt took me away from that and showed me its not correct , so plz look after your brother and sister in islam they need u ,

the visa part well was also taken in by that one but wasnt muslim at the time , now i would never marry my daughter or son to some one in with visa problems due to my own scars i guess , and from eperince not the best basic for marrige

hope i dont affend any one with my words not my niya to do that
walaykum aslam ur sister in islam

thats what i mean the muslims must do more to help reverts