Originally Posted by Scents of Jannah
Wa alaykum assalam sis. JazakAllah khair for the nice post.
Actually, I already do all that in prayer, I go slow, I think about what I'm saying, and I feel as if I'm standing in front of Allah. Prayer is the only time I actually feel close to Him, and I feel good, but I get thoughts in my head during prayer too sometimes, thoughts like, problems going on in life, family, schoolwork, So thats something else I'm working on, being more focused in prayer. I will keep trying harder, thanks again, may Allah bless N reward you.
I am feeling alittle better today, but it still gets to me, that my Iman is weak, and sometimes I think, I'm not a full Muslim, because, there's other Muslims, especially converts who do alot more than me, I pray, but I sometimes don't do the Sunnah prayers, I can't fast due to health reasons (but I want to try), I don't even know how to do some prayers, like Tahajjud, which I wish I could do, and of course I don't wear Hijab fully, I do when I'm not near my mom, she just oppresses me when it comes to it, she don't want me to speak to her about hijab, she says she don't want me wearing it around her, because people would stare, and because she's not use to it, eventhough I'm the one wearing it. So me not being able to do all this, I sometimes get feelings that Allah doesnt love me as much as He does other Muslims who do more than me.
Also the environment I am living in, my family, they smoke, drink, curse, yell, argue, I am always around this, and I can't move or anything untill I finish school, which I haven't even started yet, will this year inshaAllah. Its alot for me, but I pray Allah gets me through it, and helps every Muslim going through alot too.