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glo
05-01-2009, 01:22 PM
I wanted to ask a question about a situation I found myself in the other day.

We have a halal supermarket not far from us, where we quite frequently shop - especially items such as spices, pulses, chillies etc.

The other evening I had gone for a few items and was waiting at the till.
There was only one person in front of me, a young man with a trolley full of shopping and a tiny baby in a buggy, which he had had to 'park' in the aisle next to me because there wasn't enough space for buggy and shopping trolley.

While he was loading the shopping and paying the baby started to cry. (You know the little cry babies which are only a few weeks old make - like a kitten meowing. Ahhh ... :))

I thought to myself 'How is this guy going to push the full trolley and the baby buggy out of this shop?'
So I waited for him to pay and then asked him "How far is your car? Do you want me to help you with the buggy?"

He looked at me a little puzzled for a moment, as if tempted by my offer, but not sure whether he should take me up on it or not. He went as far as replying "Would you mind?" ... but then very quickly the man behind the counter got another male member if staff the help the customer take baby and shopping to his car.

I left it at that, just glad that the young father had some help ... but I couldn't quite help feeling that my offering help had caused a slightly embarrassing situation.
Perhaps because I, a woman alone, had approached a man?
Perhaps because I had been willing to walk to the car with him (which, incidentally, was just outside the shop)?
Perhaps because the shop staff thought they should have offered help before another customer did?

I really don't know ...

I told my husband about this, and he just said "Surely offering help is always a good thing - even if it may challenge other cultures or opinions."

What do you think?
Was what I did Islamically wrong?
Should I not have offered to help?

Looking forward to your replies.

Peace :)
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yusuf18
05-01-2009, 01:25 PM
Originally Posted by glo
I wanted to ask a question about a situation I found myself in the other day.

We have a halal supermarket not far from us, where we quite frequently shop - especially items such as spices, pulses, chillies etc.

The other evening I had gone for a few items and was waiting at the till.
There was only one person in front of me, a young man with a trolley full of shopping and a tiny baby in a buggy, which he had had to 'park' in the aisle next to me because there wasn't enough space for buggy and shopping trolley.

While he was loading the shopping and paying the baby started to cry. (You know the little cry babies which are only a few weeks old make - like a kitten meowing. Ahhh ... :))

I thought to myself 'How is this guy going to push the full trolley and the baby buggy out of this shop?'
So I waited for him to pay and then asked him "How far is your car? Do you want me to help you with the buggy?"

He looked at me a little puzzled for a moment, as if tempted by my offer, but not sure whether he should take me up on it or not. He went as far as replying "Would you mind?" ... but then very quickly the man behind the counter got another male member if staff the help the customer take baby and shopping to his car.

I left it at that, just glad that the young father had some help ... but I couldn't quite help feeling that my offering help had caused a slightly embarrassing situation.
Perhaps because I, a woman alone, had approached a man?
Perhaps because I had been willing to walk to the car with him (which, incidentally, was just outside the shop)?
Perhaps because the shop staff thought they should have offered help before another customer did?

I really don't know ...

I told my husband about this, and he just said "Surely offering help is always a good thing - even if it may challenge other cultures or opinions."

What do you think?
Was what I did Islamically wrong?
Should I not have offered to help?

Looking forward to your replies.

Peace :)
ofcourse sisters need hayah
Reply

Ummu Sufyaan
05-01-2009, 01:25 PM
@thread starter, maybe he was just in a bad mood.
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Soulja Girl
05-01-2009, 01:29 PM
:sl:

It's a good fiing you offered to help sis! :D

The dude was probz jus embarrassed or liike Na7lah said, in a bad mood. :><:

:w:
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doorster
05-01-2009, 01:39 PM
Originally Posted by yusuf18
ofcourse sisters need hayah
why are you so obsessed with this word hayah? what is your real/actual problem?
Originally Posted by glo
I told my husband about this, and he just said "Surely offering help is always a good thing - even if it may challenge other cultures or opinions."
Originally Posted by glo
Was what I did Islamically wrong?
before replying may I ask what makes you think it is against Islam to offer help to someone in obvious need?
Reply

Gator
05-01-2009, 01:44 PM
Glo,
I don't have an islamic answer, but I would not read to much into as this could happen anywhere.

Its just good manners on the establishment's part to provide help in that situation and I see it all the time.

Thanks.
Reply

glo
05-01-2009, 01:46 PM
Originally Posted by Na7lah
^maybe he was just in a bad mood.
Oh no, nobody was in a bad mood or openly cross with me - but I was still left feeling that something had gone wrong ... :-[
Reply

glo
05-01-2009, 01:54 PM
Originally Posted by doorster
why are you so obsessed with this word hayah? what is your real/actual problem?
What is hayah?


before replying may I ask what makes you think it is against Islam to offer help to someone in obvious need?
I didn't think it was against Islam to offer help at all.
But the awkwardness I experienced made me wonder whether under those circumstances it may have been better not to.

Will you share your thoughts now? :)

Peace
Reply

glo
05-01-2009, 01:56 PM
Originally Posted by Gator
Glo,
I don't have an islamic answer, but I would not read to much into as this could happen anywhere.

Its just good manners on the establishment's part to provide help in that situation and I see it all the time.

Thanks.
That's very much what my husband said, Gator.

I guess I try to make a conscious effort not to offend - so if I know this kind of thing is not appropriate in the Muslim community, then I will try to bear that in mind in future.
Reply

doorster
05-01-2009, 02:17 PM
Originally Posted by glo
What is hayah?
http://www.google.com/dictionary?source=translation&hl=en&q=%D8%AD%D9%8A %D8%A7%D8%A1&langpair=ar|en


Peace
Reply

nebula
05-01-2009, 02:27 PM
Hello glo, i think you did the right thing, you cared for the cute baby so you offered to help i dont see anything wrong with that. :thumbs_up You had a good intention thats all that matters, dont worry bout the reaction you got from the shop clerk.
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Yanal
05-01-2009, 02:28 PM
Bismillah hair ramaan nar raheem
Sister you did the best thing you could but he took it as a wrong message. Since you told us he had a newly born baby which means he does not have a lot of information on his wife and vice versa,he might think if I talk to her or let her help me that might be fitnah and from his view and an audiences view that was the right thing but as a non muslim Glo you did the right thing but to bad he thought of it as something else.

Next time just stay quiet till you understand the full concept of what is going on,for instance if this happens you should ask for help: a person has a trolley and a stroller ,he is stuck and isn't asking the staff,then you should ask and 95% he will accept because first he will want to help the baby get away from the uncomfortable place. InshAllah you will get ajr for doing soon.
Walakum Asalam Warakmatulah Wabarkatuh
Islamic bro.
Reply

S_87
05-01-2009, 02:51 PM
its probably not you personally :) its the fact that they didnt help first knowing he may have needed help, a matter of 'izzat' or honour/respect
Reply

aamirsaab
05-01-2009, 04:25 PM
:sl:
Glo you did the right thing -offering help is always a good act. The guy was probably just in shock that someone offered to help him that's all. You're just reading too much into the situation (something I am guilty of too, mind you :D).
Reply

crayon
05-01-2009, 05:23 PM
^Yeah I agree, I don't see anything wrong with what you did, it was a an act of kindness mashaAllah.:)
And like sis amani said, it's probably nothing personal that the man didn't take you up on your offer, especially since there was the choice for a man to help him. If there hadn't been anyone else perhaps he would have been very grateful for your help.
Reply

جوري
05-01-2009, 08:12 PM
I'd have just thought you a baby snatcher, whether a man or a woman I'd not accept help from someone offering help where a baby is involved no matter how well meaning or normal looking!

all the best
Reply

Snowflake
05-01-2009, 08:24 PM
IMO, the man was probably surprised at your offer to help and perhaps embarrassed as he wasn't sure whether to accept or not. However it was generous and right of you to offer.
Reply

Muezzin
05-01-2009, 08:32 PM
Originally Posted by glo
What do you think?
Was what I did Islamically wrong?
Should I not have offered to help?

Looking forward to your replies.

Peace :)
The father was probably just feeling awkward because (unfortunately) nobody really asks anybody else if they need help of this sort, so when someone offers it, people don't know how to react.

The shop staff member probably acted awkwardly because from the shop's POV, if anyone should be helping the customer, it is a member of staff, rather than another customer.

Offering help was fine and kind and what more people should do generally.

Originally Posted by Gossamer Skye
I'd have just thought you a baby snatcher, whether a man or a woman I'd not accept help from someone offering help where a baby is involved no matter how well meaning or normal looking!
Ah. Good point.
Reply

glo
05-02-2009, 07:13 AM
Originally Posted by Gossamer skye
I'd have just thought you a baby snatcher, whether a man or a woman I'd not accept help from someone offering help where a baby is involved no matter how well meaning or normal looking!

all the best
That problem could have been solved by me pushing the shopping trolley, and he taking the baby in the buggy.

(Unless I was a shopping snatcher, of course ... but I would have been hard pushed to make a run with that heavy trolley! :D)
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glo
05-02-2009, 07:20 AM
Originally Posted by Muezzin
The father was probably just feeling awkward because (unfortunately) nobody really asks anybody else if they need help of this sort, so when someone offers it, people don't know how to react.
To be honest, when he hesitated and asked "Would you mind?" I wondered whether he wanted to take up the offer of help, but was hesitating because he was in a Muslim environment.
Do you know what I mean? I wondered whether, if we had been at the local Tesco instead he would have said yes without hesitation.
(Of course, I don't know that, and there is much assumption here on my part. It was just a feeling I had ...)

Offering help was fine and kind and what more people should do generally.
Thank you.

I think most people will appreciate somebody's offer of help and know that it was made with good intentions - even if it does cause a moment of awkwardness or break cultural taboos.

Perhaps the worst thing we can do is stop offering to help each other and look out for each other, for fear of upsetting or offending somebody ...

Peace
Reply

Grofica
05-02-2009, 01:22 PM
I agree... i think what you did was sweet.

Perhaps he looked at your in shock because you dont see people with a genuine want to help anymore. usually people just stare at people stuggling but never offer a hand. I really dont think it has to do with islam at all...

I think more people should offer to help i know it sounds old fashioned but if we all helped our "neighboors" more then the world would be a much better place...
Reply

جوري
05-02-2009, 03:06 PM
Originally Posted by glo
That problem could have been solved by me pushing the shopping trolley, and he taking the baby in the buggy.

(Unless I was a shopping snatcher, of course ... but I would have been hard pushed to make a run with that heavy trolley! :D)
Indeed, except people can't predict what it is you are after?
Too many amber alerts make hospitals put alarm bracelets on babies and most people suspicious of perfectly well intending good Samaritans!
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Grofica
05-02-2009, 03:27 PM
Indeed, except people can't predict what it is you are after?
Too many amber alerts make hospitals put alarm bracelets on babies and most people suspicious of perfectly well intending good Samaritans!
ohhhhhhh Gossamer Sky has another great point i didnt think of...
Reply

glo
05-02-2009, 03:48 PM
Originally Posted by Gossamer skye
Indeed, except people can't predict what it is you are after?
Too many amber alerts make hospitals put alarm bracelets on babies and most people suspicious of perfectly well intending good Samaritans!
Yes, isn't it sad how as a society we have become more and more suspicious of strangers? imsad

Perhaps it's exactly that which puts people off helping others ...

Do people think those tendencies of distrust in our society can be reversed?
And if so, how?

Peace
Reply

Grofica
05-02-2009, 03:53 PM
I am for stronger punishment of crimals... (look at places that have steep penelties.... they have almost no crime rate and tons of people)

and also if everyone everywhere did at least one nice thing every day... it would change...
Reply

جوري
05-02-2009, 04:04 PM
Originally Posted by glo
Yes, isn't it sad how as a society we have become more and more suspicious of strangers? imsad

Perhaps it's exactly that which puts people off helping others ...

Do people think those tendencies of distrust in our society can be reversed?
And if so, how?

Peace
I think there is evil since the beginning of time.. brother against brother from Cain and Able..To deny that evil exists is just plain naïveté
There is nothing to reverse this, whenever I went to see any of my niece's and nephews in the hospital, they were kept away from me, even against their parents wishes.. I remember especially with my niece, my brother in law stating he'd bring her to me, and he wasn't allowed to take her out of the newborn nursery... they don't care that he is a doctor or that I am.. it is the rules and they are made to protect children...

surely you remember amongst many others little Megan Kanka

who was raped and murdered and dumped in the garbage by her neighbor, and believe it or not law makers reversed the death penalty in his case so that he is alive eating, drinking from the tax payers dollars, while I shudder to think of this little girl's horrifying last hours...

offering help is good and nice (as well you should always offer).. but what you fear isn't a cultural taboo as you conceive, I have been in that guy's situation and it is a balancing act not to be rude but I certainly wouldn't accept help from a perfect stranger when I have a new born or a child at hand!

at the airport alone with heavy luggage I can and have accepted help from any gender or age, with a child in the supermarket from a single woman not accompanied by children or husband, I'd be supremely suspicious ...

all the best
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Yanal
05-02-2009, 04:08 PM
Bismillaj Hair Rahmaan Nara Heem
I did not know about that sister. May Allah never put any human being through suffering like that,Ameen.
Walakum Asalam Warakmatulah Wabarkatuh.
Reply

malayloveislam
05-02-2009, 05:37 PM
I notice that certain Muslims from certain regions do not accept help from different genders. As for me if I am really in need and there is no one there to help except a person of different gender I'll just accept, or kindly refusing by giving reasons.

We South East Asian people are kind of respecting others feeling and will try our best not to humiliate people who offers something, even if we refuse it, we will refuse it in metaphors. That is the matter of culture, you might have to be sensitive with different cultural aspects of different people. Nothing wrong in helping others, that is the sign of humanity and a good attitude. Keep on the good attitude!
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