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Uthman
05-21-2009, 10:33 AM
From MuslimMatters:

Author: Sadaf Farooqi

Recently, the global Muslim blogosphere went on the usual defensive, as news of a “Muslim” media professional beheading his wife in a murderous rage did the rounds of all major news websites. Once more, allegations of Islam being a religion of barbarians and terrorists were allayed and refuted by Muslims, at times successfully, but at other times, perhaps a bit in vain.

We must realize that deducing the doctrine of a religion by looking at random contemporary examples is a mistake in itself. We must go back to its original teachings in order to get the real picture of what it entails for its adherents. The true role-model of Islam can only be presented by Prophet Muhammad [صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم], the paragon of Muslim character, conduct and virtue. Allah says about him in the Quran:

“You have indeed in the Messenger of Allah a beautiful example (of conduct) for anyone whose hope is in Allah and the final Day, and remembers Allah much.” [33:21]

The simple reason for Prophet Muhammad’s [صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم] success in every sphere of life was his dexterity at human relationships. Perhaps the most volatile and delicate human relationship is that between a husband and wife - the only relationship between a man and woman based on sexual attraction, companionship and love, that is allowed and recommended in Islam. The reason why so many similar relationships between men and women outside marriage break up so often, is that primarily, it’s partakers do not understand it’s intricacies and requirements pertaining to human behavior.

gender symbols 300x245 -

Prophet Muhammad [صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم] understood women. He knew that women are created physically beautiful and attractive, but also possess volatile, easily-aroused emotions, resulting in natural behavioral shortcomings, which their husbands will just have to learn to take in stride throughout their lives. He knew that patience, a wise selection of words, and restraint from losing his temper, are mandatory qualities for a husband to possess, in order to enable him to effectively deal with his wife’s intermittent bouts of irrational thinking and emotional instability.

I once heard someone remark, “When I was a single young man, the prospect of having multiple wives was fair-seeming, for obvious reasons; a few years after marrying my wife, however, I now wonder just how the Prophet Muhammad could have possibly handled up to nine wives at one time, when I can sometimes not handle even one!”

Perhaps no narration displays the Prophet’s expertise at handling his wives’ outbursts as well as the hadith below does:

Narrated Anas Bin Malik: “While the Prophet was in the house of one of his wives, one of the mothers of the believers sent a meal in a dish. The wife at whose house the Prophet was, struck the hand of the servant, causing the dish to fall and break. The Prophet gathered the broken pieces of the dish and then started collecting on them the food which had been in the dish and said, “Your mother felt jealous.” Then he detained the servant till a (sound) dish was brought from the wife at whose house he was. He gave the sound dish to the wife whose dish had been broken, and kept the broken one at the house where it had been broken.”
(Notice how the narrator has abstained from mentioning the names of the Mothers of Believers in order to cover their faults/shortcomings!)
[Sahih Al-Bukhari, Volume 7, Book 62, Number 152]

Picture this scenario happening in an average house: a woman breaking another’s crockery piece (and we all know how passionately women feel about their crockery pieces! Even their own child is scolded for accidentally breaking a cherished utensil.), laden with food the latter had freshly cooked, in an envious rage; this is in fact, a scene depicted often in modern soaps to spice up the plot! How would you expect an average husband witnessing such an action to react? - Probably by also losing his temper and screaming angrily, “What have you done? Are you out of your mind?!”

The wise steps that Prophet Muhammad [صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم] took, however, to satiate his wife’s envy and to prevent the situation from turning into a domestic battle, are detailed below:

  • He refrained from rebuking her or shouting at her before others. This would have undoubtedly humiliated her. Instead, he calmly offered a simple explanation for her behavior to onlookers (i.e. his companions, including the narrator): “Your mother felt jealous.” Note how he referred to her with a respectful title before the assembled group. With this simple statement, he gave her leeway for being a human being - and a woman, at that - who got affected by her innate human emotions.


  • He physically remedied the situation by cleaning up the mess himself. This indicates his humility and greatness of character. He could have asked her, or one of his younger companions, to clean up - the narrator is Anas Bin Malik, who was much younger than the Prophet and dedicated for his service, yet the latter did not ask him to do the cleaning-up. He didnot ask his wife to do it either - knowing her angry state and not wanting to humiliate her by making her clean up before an audience - he humbly did the job himself. What a great model for every man! A husband cleaning up a dish broken by his wife, without even being asked!


  • He executed justice, and arranged for compensation, by asking his wife to replace her co-wife’s broken utensil as well as its contents. That is, despite his patience and forgiveness for her angry outburst, he made her compensate the wife who had been unduly wronged for an action that was very praiseworthy in itself: preparing and sending them a meal.

Read the rest of the article here.
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Uthman
05-21-2009, 03:54 PM
Originally Posted by Osman
Prophet Muhammad [صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم] understood women. He knew that women are created physically beautiful and attractive, but also possess volatile, easily-aroused emotions, resulting in natural behavioral shortcomings, which their husbands will just have to learn to take in stride throughout their lives.
Maybe this bit is a little harsh? :X
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Zico
05-22-2009, 08:02 AM
Originally Posted by Osman
Maybe this bit is a little harsh? :X
Haha my thoughts exactly, who knows maybe he had a bad relationship with his wife? he then turns to sexism? :p
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Uthman
05-22-2009, 11:20 AM
Originally Posted by Zico
Haha my thoughts exactly, who knows maybe he had a bad relationship with his wife? he then turns to sexism? :p
Inshaa'Allah I hope the sisters don't find it offensive! Maybe they will even agree with it... :D
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glo
05-22-2009, 11:25 AM
Originally Posted by Osman
Prophet Muhammad [صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم] understood women. He knew that women are created physically beautiful and attractive, but also possess volatile, easily-aroused emotions, resulting in natural behavioral shortcomings, which their husbands will just have to learn to take in stride throughout their lives.
Originally Posted by Osman
Maybe this bit is a little harsh? :X
It's certainly a gross generalisation.
All women are beautiful but volatile and emotionally unstable?? :uuh: Really now! :mmokay:

Don't make me mad!!
:giggling:
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Mujahidah4Allah
05-22-2009, 11:27 AM
yes, makes it sound like we have a fit 24/7 about anything and everything...

wa/salam
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Uthman
05-22-2009, 11:31 AM
I agree that it is an over-generalisation and should have been worded differently. However, I hope that all husbands can still learn from the perfect example of Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him).
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glo
05-22-2009, 11:35 AM
Originally Posted by Osman
I agree that it is an over-generalisation and should have been worded differently. However, I hope that all husbands can still learn from the perfect example of Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him).
It is always good to have a positive role model to take courage from and work towards. :)
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Cabdullahi
05-22-2009, 11:35 AM
Originally Posted by glo
It's certainly a gross generalisation.
All women are beautiful but volatile and emotionally unstable?? :uuh: Really now! :mmokay:

Don't make me mad!!
:giggling:




^ It is what it is

Man 1 says to Man 2 = what did you do today?
Man 2 = i saw that man in the supermarket i went and punched him in the nose and that was it!


Woman 1 says to Woman 2 = what did you do today?
Woman 2 = well i was not feeling well,i had a chat with my mother and we had an argument then i took it out on my husband afterwards i went to town to eat eclairs to comfort myself i also saw a nice skirt in newlook so i bought it,i proceeded to go home to see the sink half full with dishes i went upstairs and i just weeped.:cry:

hate,love,happiness and jealousy a rainbow of emotions*

*women
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S_87
05-22-2009, 11:51 AM
Originally Posted by Osman
Maybe this bit is a little harsh? :X
actually not so harsh if taken at face value. Every woman should know that at certain times even a hair out of place can make her mad/sad/frustrated/weepy. We possess such emotions but it doesnt mean/nor is the article saying that a hissy fit is thrown every 5 minutes of a womans life.

And of course, men have shortcomings that women take into stride :)
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Faizal_Rakhangi
05-22-2009, 02:39 PM
A lot to learn from a beautiful worded and scripted article, was it Yasir Qadhi?

Alhamdulillaah, so much to learn from the Prophet's seerah, the key sentence in the whole article "The simple reason for Prophet Muhammad’s [صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم] success in every sphere of life was his dexterity at human relationships" brings out Master Key of the Prophet SAWS dawah and success.

From a wordly angle, these dextirity (I like the use of the phrase) it is indeed a major contributor to a person's success in every profession he might undertake.

I notice interestingly (If the English permit me to use this word), that Brothers who chose to reply to this post, have taken it in lighter vein, no harm in that, except that, the genesis of the article was A very serious act by a Educated Muslim Brother.

May Allaah reward the writer of this article and May Allaah may it easier for us to learn and implement the "learnings" from the 3 incidents above. Aameen
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Faizal_Rakhangi
05-22-2009, 02:43 PM
The author is Sadaf Farooqi, Alhamdulillaah s/he weilds a pen of knowledge.
Reply

Uthman
05-22-2009, 07:36 PM
I completely agree with you akhee.

Is English not your first language? If not, Mashaa'Allah your English is very good :)
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Uthman
05-22-2009, 08:39 PM
Originally Posted by Alpha Dude
Generalisation or not, Osman, it's the truth. :mmokay:
If you say so :D

I was just concerned that it could have been worded more wisely so as not to offend the sisters.
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piXie
05-22-2009, 08:47 PM
The author of this article is a sis. :smile:
Reply

Faith.
05-22-2009, 08:50 PM
:sl:
I wasn't offended at all. I think it was a great post.:thumbs_up
Yeah women can get very emotional. It's nateral for us to. Controlling it is what really matters.:smile:
Very benifical. Jazakallah for sharing
:w:
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Uthman
05-22-2009, 08:50 PM
Originally Posted by piXie
The author of this article is a sis. :smile:
Oh...
Reply

Uthman
05-25-2009, 10:13 AM
Mega brawl going on in the comments section of the article. Check it out - I'm learning lots from it.
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Faizal_Rakhangi
05-26-2009, 03:43 PM
Brother Osman wrote

"Is English not your first language? If not, Mashaa'Allah your English is very good "

Jazak Allaah Brother, Mother tongue is a Indian Language Konkani (my command is about below poverty line) and Urdu (again very weak) is what we speak most of the time. English was my medium of Education and yes I like English and most of my Islamic reading is in English therefore probably you felt my english is good.

Jazak Allaah for the appreaciation. To be honest you deserve to be appreciated for putting up such a beautiful post.

So Jazak Allaah khair to you Brother.
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Uthman
05-26-2009, 03:57 PM
JazakAllah Khayr. All I did was copy and paste - all credit should go to the author!

I actually recently found out that you're not allowed to reproduce entire articles from that website (muslimmatters.org) so I've edited my post to show only half of the article and then linked back to the original source. I recommend that you visit the website and set up an RSS feed to your browser because the articles are always really beneficial and I want all my brothers and sisters to benefit from them Inshaa'Allah. :)
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Intisar
05-27-2009, 05:43 PM
Originally Posted by Mujahidah4Allah
yes, makes it sound like we have a fit 24/7 about anything and everything...

wa/salam
Yeah, sometimes we are just easily irritated. ;D
Reply

Najm
05-27-2009, 06:15 PM
Originally Posted by Uthmān
The wise steps that Prophet Muhammad [صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم] took, however, to satiate his wife’s envy and to prevent the situation from turning into a domestic battle, are detailed below:

  • He refrained from rebuking her or shouting at her before others. This would have undoubtedly humiliated her. Instead, he calmly offered a simple explanation for her behavior to onlookers (i.e. his companions, including the narrator): “Your mother felt jealous.” Note how he referred to her with a respectful title before the assembled group. With this simple statement, he gave her leeway for being a human being - and a woman, at that - who got affected by her innate human emotions.


  • He physically remedied the situation by cleaning up the mess himself. This indicates his humility and greatness of character. He could have asked her, or one of his younger companions, to clean up - the narrator is Anas Bin Malik, who was much younger than the Prophet and dedicated for his service, yet the latter did not ask him to do the cleaning-up. He didnot ask his wife to do it either - knowing her angry state and not wanting to humiliate her by making her clean up before an audience - he humbly did the job himself. What a great model for every man! A husband cleaning up a dish broken by his wife, without even being asked!


  • He executed justice, and arranged for compensation, by asking his wife to replace her co-wife’s broken utensil as well as its contents. That is, despite his patience and forgiveness for her angry outburst, he made her compensate the wife who had been unduly wronged for an action that was very praiseworthy in itself: preparing and sending them a meal.

AsSalamOAlaikum WaRehmatuAllah WaBarkatuhu

SubhaanAllah!! My role model (SalAllahu Alayhi WaSalam)!!!:statisfie:statisfie:statisfie

FiAmaaniAllah
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BlissfullyJaded
05-27-2009, 06:22 PM
:sl:

I think the comments were exaggerated... And it made women look rather irrational. :p Besides, I duno why they were insulted? If they took as an insult, and then notice that the author is talking about the Sahabiyah (Radiallahu Anhum), did they process it as an insult on the Sahabiyah?! Seriously... :exhausted

Anyhoo, I liked the article. :thumbs_up
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