why do mother-in-law and daughter-in-law fight?

[ahmed_indian]

:sl:,

i am unmarried, so i m not talking about myself.

1. not all our sisters are like that

2. i understand its not easy to adjust with everyone.

But....
why many of them fight? we, men, like that our daughter love her husband and wife love her mother.

but why as a wife she dont want that her husband love his mother and as a mother that her son dont love his wife.

they make the poor man a sandvich between them. As he loves his mother and wife and cant leave any of them.

why dont they stop quarelling for the sake of their son/husband whom they love too? why mother forget that she was a young wife and why wife forget that she will be an old mother someday?

its so much in india/pakistan (i dont know about other places). i really feel pity for those men.

PS: not all sisters are bad and not all brothers are good. i love all good bro's and sis' for the sake of Allah.

[ardianto]

its so much in india/pakistan (i dont know about other places). i really feel pity for those men.

Not only in India/Pakistan but in everywhere. This is an universal problem.

Mother always thinking she can treats her son better than her daughter-in-law. And wife always thinking she can treat her husband better than her mother-in-law.
Another problem is financial. Wife want her husband give her all of his income but the husband sometime or maybe often want to give money to his mother.

But this is an opinion from son/husband side. We need clarification from sisters.

[7oor El 3ayn]

Personally, I have no respect for a man who will neglect his mother to make his wife happy...I think he can make both of them happy if he is fair and justice to them both and treat them the way they are to be treated. But sadly, these days, you find men who will neglect either their mother or their wife...and sometimes..BOTH

a pious wife will be understanding and supportive of her husband and should encourage him to give to his mother from his wealth...but he shouldnt give to the point that he leaves nothing for himself and his wife and kids.

Mother-in-laws need to back off a little and give her son and his wife space and freedom to live their lives. she should not be all in their business all the time. But most of the time, they are in their lives to the point that it causes problems between the son and his wife.

and the funny thing that I really dont understand is this: a mother-in-law will get in their business all the time, invade their space, and causing problems, etc...FORGETTING that they too had/have a mother-in-law that did the same to them and how much they hated it when she interfered in their lives...so why does she want to do the same to her son and his wife? the answer: We may never know!

[Ummu Sufyaan]

:sl:
becuase he is a pillar for both of them in many ways,

but why as a wife she dont want that her husband love his mother and as a mother that her son dont love his wife.

maybe jealousy...

they make the poor man a sandvich between them.

why doesnt he prevent argument, and just get up and make his own sandwich :rollseyes

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[ghengis]

its called love :)

[jameelash]

salam,late answer iam always late.as for inlaws problem it is universalproblem.both party can be blamed equally.first of all we must keep it mind and that d.i.l and a adaughter cannot be equal .except in rare cases.if one ACCEPT THE FACT in laws will be more cautious in dealing with eachother.once i was approaced by a girl complaining of her m,i,lthe complain was ml teased her in front of some relatives her getting up late and her imperfaction in the works.that was the starting.i was thinking wat if this had been said to her own daughter?.the daughter perhaps would have retorted or knowing her mother,s nature would have ignored.and the subject is closed.
. sameway if di.l is doing something and seeing her, m.i.l may give her some errants and dil who is busy says i,ll do it later or something like that.thatmay be enough for the ml to fume over.but if it had been her daughter she may give her agood scolding or take it lightly and the subject is closed. sometime it is utter jealousy.her son is henpecked or mums child.
totally to say mil and dil should be very cautious wen speakiing to each other and should think twice b4 chatting. once both r are accustomed to each other the gap will be less.just imaine how we treat a plant wen we shift it to another mud.we see it get all the protection till the plant is accustomedto new muds.same way m.i.l should give all the time to dil
to get adujsted to the new household.and youngmothers always see their daughters r given a good training from their younger age sothat they will be good mother and a daughter.not a d .i.l.and m.i.l should be careful and treat her daughters and d.i.l equally atleast wen giving gifts and so.

[Ummu Sufyaan]

:sl:
*bump...
can i just know, from a brothers perspective, why a mother in law would feel threatened by her daughter in law :?

i dont mean to sound rude and offensive, im just trying to figure something out.

[Muhaba]

i am unmarried, so i m not talking about myself.

1. not all our sisters are like that

2. i understand its not easy to adjust with everyone.

But....
why many of them fight? we, men, like that our daughter love her husband and wife love her mother.

Not all men are like that. There are those who won't let the wife talk to her relatives, those who can't tolerate it that the wife is close to her relatives, those who don't like it that the wife meet other women. These type want all of the wife's attention. In some of these cases, the problem may lie with the man (unfounded jealousy, insecurity) & in some the problem may be with the woman (she may not be giving enough attention to her husband, her house etc.)

but why as a wife she dont want that her husband love his mother and as a mother that her son dont love his wife.

I don't understand these types of ppl either. They want to control the man and have him all to themselves or what? Maybe they don't know the islamic rights of the other. For example the wife might not know/respect the rights of the mother and the mother/sister doesn't respect the rights of the wife. If each respected each other's rights and cared for each other as if they were real mother/daughter, it would be much easier.

I think one cause of the problem is that in India/Pakistan the daughter-in-law has to live in the same house with her in-laws and isn't allowed her own house or even her own area of the house (bedroom, living room, kitchenette, bathroom, even separate entrance). All they get is a bedroom so they have to face each other all the time and the in-laws don't see the daughter-in-law & son as a separate family who have their own rights, wishes, desires. The daughter-in-law also wants her own life and doesn't want the in-laws interfering with her life (which is her right) and when she doesn't get her wishes, then she causes problems for the in-laws.

This problem is minimum in Arabs because Arab women get their own house from the start. It may be also that Arabs know and respect the islamic rights of the wife.

A lot of time sisters-in-law (wives of brothers) can't get along with each other but it seems the reason is also the same as above, since they all live in the same house. When given separate houses and independence, they tend to get along with each other better because they aren't threatened by the others.

I think the solution is to recognize each others' rights and respect them.
[/quote]

they make the poor man a sandvich between them. As he loves his mother and wife and cant leave any of them.

why dont they stop quarelling for the sake of their son/husband whom they love too? why mother forget that she was a young wife and why wife forget that she will be an old mother someday?

its so much in india/pakistan (i dont know about other places). i really feel pity for those men.

PS: not all sisters are bad and not all brothers are good. i love all good bro's and sis' for the sake of Allah.

[ieshia]

Is this really a serious problem? I thought it's really just something that is in Indian soap operas that my mother watches. I know it happens but i didn't know it was really so bad to discuss the topic cause i assumed the indian soap operas really just exaggerate the whole thing(not to mention they're pointless with no intellect).

Either way, the husband should comfort his wife the most when it comes to these things happening in a house where the whole family lives in the same house. Just because the girl has to leave her house and family and give up a lot of who she is and what she used to do, and adjust to the life style of some new people, so i'm sure it's already uncomfortable for her and not feeling welcomed by your mother in law surely makes the situation worse.

[Intisar]

why doesnt he prevent argument, and just get up and make his own sandwich :rollseyes

Lol sis I think he meant ''sandwiched'' between them.

Anyway in my own personal experience, sometimes as a daughter in law you can feel as if you're never good enough according to your mother in law. Sometimes they baby their sons way too much. But maybe that's just me. :hiding:

[Ismeel]

:sl:
No matter how \"perfect\" the couple (of mother in law and daughter in law) is they will still argue regardless. Indeed the Son does become the lettuce between the two dough bread but this is life. Be optimistic,follow the Quran and be a good Muslim,and inshallah everyone with this problem will overcome it.

[ieshia]

:sl:
No matter how \"perfect\" the couple (of mother in law and daughter in law) is they will still argue regardless. Indeed the Son does become the lettuce between the two dough bread but this is life. Be optimistic,follow the Quran and be a good Muslim,and inshallah everyone with this problem will overcome it.

I know of mother and daughter in laws who don't argue at all and love each other. If the girls husband offends her in the way, sometimes they take it on with their mother to punish their son for it and guide them the right way on treating and dealing with women.

I know of mother and daughter in law who do get in occasional arguments but they feel as if they're biologically related, and even mother and daughters get in arguments. Heck i know me and my mother don't agree on a lot but we still love each other dearly and get over any argument we have with in seconds after.

I guess both have to be very forgiving of each other and realize no one is perfect. My mom forgives me for every mistake i have ever made and still loves me the same if not more every day. Some people have an unhealthy relationships with their own parents and don't learn to forgive each other, so that type of behavior also ruins in law relationships. Especially because there are more expectations when it comes to in-laws.

[tigerkhan]

the basic human nature behind this social problem is " no one wants sharing"....................... i mean the boys love, care, money, time and everything bcm shared by his marriage btw his mother and wife and both dont want this, so mostly they quarrel.

[Human_Being]

i think its like some mother in laws are overprotectice of her son so she imposes restrictions on sons wife and doesnt let her see her husband freely or contradicts daughter in law so she seems more in control cos she doesn't want son to live a life of his own and wants to treat him as still her baby

but sometimes it mite b the other way daughter in law gets jealous of mum cos mum is still his mum and still has rights over her son and daughter might not like that but she just has to suck it up and get over it cos jealousy is bad

[ashabanu05]

Salam Everyone,
The universal truth is that 'A women is a enemy of a women'...The same happens in a case of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.As per my view,the problem lies with both.Mother-in-law fears that whether her son will move out of her and doesnt care for her anymore like before.But the truth is that the men have started to balance both,so obviously the time spent with his mother reduces.Some men just to show of their new wife as he is everything to his family,he dominates parents in front of her which hurts them.
Similarily,some daughter-in-law treats her in-laws as some guest who sits and enjoys her husband's earnings.Wife thinks to cook herself and take care of her husband on her own w/o anyone's interruption which makes mother-in-law angry towards her thinking she is taking her son away of her.
Daughter-in-laws : "Always think!your husband wouldnt come without his mother,wouldnt grown up without her,his earnings are all because that his mother spended al his husband's earnings"
Mother-in-laws :"Always think!you wer also a daugther-in-law once upon a time and even u expected ur mother-in-law to treat you well,then why dont you show the same to ur daughter-in-law???she has left her home thinking you as her mother,so why dont you treat her as ur daugther?

[piXie]

They both have their own place and position. Its silly to fight. :hmm:

[qurantour.com]

Not An easy Problem To Solve