View Full Version : Have lost Hope

06-19-2009, 10:54 AM
I am a 24 yr old Muslim girl who studied vey hard and sacrificed a lot to become a software engineer. For 2 and a half years, I put in a lot of hard work in my company.I was then asked to go to USA with a team for 6 months, which also consisted of a female colleague who I had known for 2 years and was good friends with.
A little before this opportunity came up I got a proposal in which case the guy's family said they would not accept a girl who had gone onsite for a project.Things did not work out there and that was over.

I now really wanted to go to USA and learn and work on this project, but my parents were worried about my safety and issues faced while getting married as a result of which they forbade me from going.

I had to say no and felt really bad. I pray my namaaz regularly even in the office. I wanted to grow professionally and learn and be financially independant. I wanted to put my education to use and see a new country.But I had to give it all up. I now don't feel like working anymore or taking interest in my work or even getting married for that matter.

I feel Allah was unjust in taking the fruits of my labour away from me.

I pary even now but not with all my heart.

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06-19-2009, 11:06 AM
When Allah gave you the ability to get this far, did you thank him? Now that humans are taking away your chances to do what you want, you are saying Allah is unjust. SubhanAllah. If anyone is to blame it is your parents. First they let you go this far in your chosen field of study then hinder you in progressing. The most you can do is try to persuade your father/brother/uncle to accompany you to the US. But please don't blame Allah for humans' faults.

06-19-2009, 11:28 AM
sorry to say this but it was to an extent your own fault, you agreed to the ridiculous request of not doing what you wanted and had sacrificed so much to do,,

your safety is indeed important, but is that really a good reason for not going? were you say, going to a war zone? the middle of the jungle? north pole??
if it was for the proposal, i don't think you need me to tell you that there are many who will accept you and propose/marry etc, it's not like this one is the only one there is ever going to be, you never know what's around the next corner,, i mean you did so much work already, you probably understand where there is a will there is way, you can find a decent man, it can't be-and isn't that hard.

you lack motivation now-understandable, but this is not a religious problem per se, give yourself some time to think about your life, the things that made you yourself today and so on, then make your choice.

- IqRa -
06-19-2009, 11:43 AM
I know all of this will seem like mere words that mean nothing, but they are not.

I think you're forgetting that Allah tests us in ways that HE chooses. Our goal is to adopt patience and realise that Allah puts us through what is best for us.
Although that is hard sometimes, we NEED to do that. We don't realise why Allah does what He does, until later on in life. Or, we might not realise it at all in this life, but realise it in the Aakhirah.

Bottom Line: Everyone has their own tests through their own ways, and only if you choose to look at it positively will you be able to view it like that.

A highly successful business is in UK. He needs to go to USA to sign a contract that will acquire him millions of pounds and he will never have to work again. But what happens? He misses the flight. He is really depressed and upset and angry with Allah (astagfirullah), but then he turns the TV on, and finds out that the plane has crashed and all people that were aboard that plane have died. His hearts starts beating really fast - Allah saved his life, so what if he didn't get that contract? There are many other contracts but at least his life was saved. So he thanks Allah and asks for forgiveness.


How can you even think that? SubhanAllah...

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06-19-2009, 01:38 PM
ur parents forbade u from going, well have u done everything u cudve done to persuade them? Or did u just say ok. Well either way, wat matters is that u did all of this by choice, it seems to me like ur a good daughter who respects her parents wishes. So be happy wit ur choices, u made them, don't go on blaming Allah! AstaqfuruAllah.

06-19-2009, 02:07 PM
salam sister, you know out of everyone/everything out there, Allah knows more than all how to please us. So it would be wise to think positively of Him and completely forget the word "blame" when it comes to thinking of Him.
The other brothers and sisters have given you great advice, may Allah reward them.
But please do not think negatively of Allah.........if there is ANYONE or anybody or anything out there that knows best on how to please you it is Allah.

06-19-2009, 06:01 PM
It is not possible for my father to accompany me as he handles a buisness and my brother is studying. Would I be a bad muslim if I did go and stay with a female colleague for 6 months away from home to learn?

06-19-2009, 06:16 PM
Would I be a bad muslim if I did go and stay with a female colleague for 6 months away from home to learn?
No, but you would have sinned for disobeying your parents in something that is permissible for them to ask had you gone in spite of their forbiddence.

Feeling disappointed is one thing, the statement you said though that you think or feel that God was UNJUST is HUUUUGE! We give riddles to young students and one I like is "what is it that God may not do?" to which almost always they exclaim that God can and may do anything, to which I smile and teach them that God may not be unjust as he forbade it upon himself "O my slaves, I have forbidden injustice and oppression upon myself, so do not make it amongst you..." holy speech (Hadith Qudsy), Sahih

You don't know where the good is, and the good can be in the mere situation that you were set to meet someone so special to become your husband your career would pale in comparison, or that God actually wanted you to get out of that career because there is better endeavours in store for you that would be better for you in this life and in the afterlife. It could be better for you just for challenging your metal and patience and later reward you with a bigger opportunity or reward you for it in paradise. You don't know and shouldn't EVER think God is unjust.

God grant you patience. In my opinion nothing happened. I lost a business and my entire savings of more than a quarter of a million dollars for no fault of my own, and I became stronger for it and bounced back in a new business that I wouldn't have considered otherswise, that makes LESS money, but affords me ssooooooooo much more time to spend with my family and studying for my advanced Islamic degree and working on myself. Think about it from that angle.

06-28-2009, 12:14 PM
Please pray for me that Allah gives me sabr and another opportunity to go as well as a happy marriage.
Jazakallah for all the great advice.

06-28-2009, 01:28 PM
I agree with the statements above and that example given by T.I.A. Allah knows best and there is a reason for everything. We all have problems, Allah tests us to see if we have iman and sabr, we need to trust Allah inshallah.

Allah could make your life easy and make things go they way you want but no this life is a test, maybe he is saving it for the after life for u inshallah. Many things come in the way such as parents etc but we cant do anything and it is not Allah (swt) that is taking away the fruits of your labour.

Anyway sis pray and make dua and inshallah u feel that Allah does things for the best and we should not question it

07-10-2009, 04:23 AM
It was'nt really wrong of me to want to go right?

Caller الداعي
07-10-2009, 08:05 AM
salam mashaala ur steadfastness on prayers is v good may allah acccept them and all ur good deeds as well as ours ameen.
i think 1 of the main points we need to remeber is as a muslim our lives have been submitted to allah our creatr and the main part of submission is to follow watever allah wants from us and be pleased with watever comes our way knwng that itsall from the Almighty himself .
As a muslim we will always be tested in diff. Ways and forms but we must nt forget our purpose in life.
And finally we must always ask ourselvs at ever point and opportunity in life is this right according to islam.
May Allah give us the ability to practice deen the proper way and to be of the ones who submit themselvs to Him. Ameen

- IqRa -
07-10-2009, 08:05 AM
No it wasn't sister, but sometimes we have to accept some things aren't meant to be. It's for the best.

07-13-2009, 01:49 PM
ukhtee...there are so much opportunity out there in this corporate world...especially if you work really hard. There's no point in giving up :)

07-14-2009, 06:21 AM
Jazaakallah for the sound advice and support and for taking out the time to reply to my post. My prayers have been answered yet again (Allah really loves us more than our parents). I have got another opportunity to go, this time for 3 months :) !! Mashallah I am so happy. Still I am doing my istikhara namaaz and if it is good for me inshallah I will go. I am asking Allahtaala now that if there is some kind of harm for me from going then take the opportunity away, else if it is good for this life and the hereafter then let me go.
Also may Allah keep my parents happy with my decision.Aameen.

07-14-2009, 06:23 AM
Sister TIA your posts on : He does respond, definitely and Etiquette and Adaab of Du'a
are really inspiring and are eye openers. Jazakallah for the posts.

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