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AnonymousPoster
06-19-2009, 11:48 PM
:sl:

This is about my sister. She met someone on the internet, told me she fell in love with this person. She said the guy converted to islam, wants to marry her etc.

At first she told me he is only a few yrs older than her. Later she found out that he is actually a lot older....like close to 20 yrs older. She was hurt and cried. I thought well... that would be the end of that.

But she still decides to stick with him because "she loves him too much". So she decides to meet him secretly in person, by herself, no mahram no anything. I wanted to go with her, she refused, she leaves the house when no ones home to see the man.

I caught them two alone together once and what I saw disgusted me. I told the man not to come near my sister. He obviously did not listen and continues to see her secretly.

I feel so guilty, I should have told my parents sooner. I feel like her life is ruined because of me. I had no idea it would go this far. I'm so **** naive to think my sister wouldn't do anything stupid. But she's gone out of control and I don't know what to do. The man knows where we live, has my sister's mind in control, who knows she might even run away...

I'm afraid if I tell my parents, they will go crazy and start a huge fight and god knows what. I tried to reason with my sister, she tells me "its my life, you have no right to tell me what to do"

Should she marry this man? We don't know much about him except he lied to my sis about his age....so he could be lying about other things right? like whether he's really a muslim? Plus there's the 20 yrs age difference....I doubt my parents would accept this.

Any thoughts, advice on this situation? How do I deal with my sister, or do I just tell my parents everything? I dont think my sis plans to tell them at all....which I dont get why since she's so serious about this man....I told her I'd tell them instead, she threatens me saying she'll run away if I do, and that I should "stop caring".

I think she's lost her mind and am afraid for her.

:w:
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Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн
06-20-2009, 12:29 AM
:sl:

SubhanAllah sis I'm so sorry for you :( Is she practising? Sis, is it really worth not telling your parents and let your sister go too far? Allah forbid that something happen to her. Maybe you should try and explain to her about the consequences of her actions. She might hide it from the world but she cannot hide it from Allah and the fact that he lied to her from the start. I guess tell her things to make her realize her mistake, something to let her comtemplate on.

Honestly, I dont know what is the best step to take but for the sake of your sis and falling into further sin, you should possibly tell your parents. Is she really going to run away from the people who have always been there for her and nurtured her for someone she doesn't even know and even lied to her? How can she imagine being something who lied to her in the beginning and make her doings that are haraam? She should know her relationship started off haraam and not in the way that would please Allah. Maybe you should put these concerns across to her, but very gently inshaAllah.

I hope I was some help to you sis. May Allah keep your sister safe from harm and guide her heart and mind, Ameen. :wub:

:w:
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Ummu Sufyaan
06-20-2009, 08:34 AM
wa alaykum us-Salaam
Originally Posted by AnonymousGender
:sl:

But she still decides to stick with him because "she loves him too much". So she decides to meet him secretly in person, by herself, no mahram no anything. I wanted to go with her, she refused, she leaves the house when no ones home to see the man.
isn't your dad around? an uncle? are you her older brother? you need to get a man involved--->men fear men and so do women...

be careful about the way you go about it, cos if you confront her, she could back lash and just run to him, which is what you want to avoid...

I caught them two alone together once and what I saw disgusted me. I told the man not to come near my sister. He obviously did not listen and continues to see her secretly.
have you given dawah to her? tried telling her how islamically wrong it is? have you told her of the stories of "love" that have turned nasty...even to then extent of Zina :(

I'm afraid if I tell my parents, they will go crazy and start a huge fight and god knows what. I tried to reason with my sister, she tells me "its my life, you have no right to tell me what to do"
tell your parents anyway, especially if you feel that would stop her...that and the fact they might be angry with you if you didnt...

Should she marry this man? We don't know much about him except he lied to my sis about his age....so he could be lying about other things right? like whether he's really a muslim? Plus there's the 20 yrs age difference....I doubt my parents would accept this.
NO! he sounds sleezy and dishonest...does she know how this guy really is? if he lied about his age, what else has he lied about? ask her how much she really knows about him? has she done background checks?

Any thoughts, advice on this situation?
How do I deal with my sister, or do I just tell my parents everything? I dont think my sis plans to tell them at all....which I dont get why since she's so serious about this man....I told her I'd tell them instead, she threatens me saying she'll run away if I do, and that I should "stop caring".
maybe try getting the police involved...maybe your parents can stop him from coming around or something through them....?


Really, may this be a lesson to all sisters, especially teens. It hurts reading or hearing about a sister being taken advantage of. Guard yourselves well, don't "fall in love" too easily. Some guys can be incredibly sleazy and can make a girl fall in love with them through words and romantic crap SO easily. Making a woman feel a certain way with such devices is child's play. Don't fall victim to such things. Girl is all in love and the guy's just having fun passing the time till the next girl hits his sights.
Ditto!!! :thumbs_up
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ahmed_indian
06-28-2009, 02:14 PM
tell her about Allah and enjoyments in His paradise and pain in hell.

let her heart melt.

may Allah help you
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Muhaba
06-28-2009, 05:42 PM
Tell your parents. If the guy was serious about marriage he'd have proposed properly. he can hurt your sister. she might end up doing zina and that will ruin her whole life not to mention it's a big sin. so tell your parents at once. Let them solve the problem. if something bad happens to your sister, you will blame yourself for the rest of your life.

PS. you & she are lucky she already hasn't been hurt, raped, murdered. meeting unknown people through the internet is dangerous .
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