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cool_jannah
07-01-2009, 05:59 AM
:sl:

I have a question that has been bothering me for a while. I should probably ask my Shaykh, but let me see what you guys think about it.

As far as my understanding, there shouldn't be any conditions for us to be close to Allah (subhanahu wa ta'ala). He is our Rabb and our goal in life is to acknowledge His Oneness and have Tawakkul in Him.
But what if I make du'aa for something that (in my mind) will help me get closer to Allah and somehow becomes a condition (although I don't want it to be). The issue here is that I am battling within myself trying to analyze the situation of my heart. The thing that I want is not completely under my control, but I can't stop thinking about it. SubhanAllah.

I want Jannah, but I know there is struggle involved. I need to put my act together and establish Tahajjud in my life, memorize the beautiful Qur'an, fight my nafs to do things that are harder for me to do to have a close connection with Allah (subhanahui wa ta'ala) and RasoolAllah (sallallahu 'alayhi wa sallam).

Also, I am unable to decide if I am after Deen or Duniya. Ok, let me spell it out in case is anyone is wondering. It has to do with Nikah.
Is it a bad thing that I want a physically attractive spouse so that I don't look at any other non-mahaarim and be like..."Oh man I wish..."
I guess its a test, but I want my affair with my Deen to be straight and my heart to be pure of anything wrong.
I do realize that it is hard to find pious, religious, sweet, good looking Niqabis, but all I want is closeness to Allah (subhanahu wa ta'ala) and a girl that would wake me up for Tahajjud. SubhanAllah. I am almost at a point where I think getting what I am looking for is like getting Jannah in duniya. Which is of course not possible. Its close, but not like getting Jannah (thats what I was told by one of my friends who recently got married :)). Its not all that hunky-dory I guess.

Alhamdulillah, I am not losing my mind (yet :)), but just wanted to throw some thoughts at you guys. Its just so hard to find a pious, deeni, attractive girl that truly loves the Deen of Allah. (Thats where I am at right now) and I want my khushu' back in my Salah. So all I do is make du'aas and have sabr.
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moujahid
07-01-2009, 02:34 PM
Originally Posted by cool_jannah
:sl:

So all I do is make du'aas and have sabr.
:sl:

You got it bro. Thats all you need. I know its kinda hard specially if you don't want to compromise her piety nor looks. Trust me thats the case with all "religious" guys and you are not the only one.

But think about it this way - What if you don't find one? Do you still need a reason to get close to Allah? I guess not. But I do understand the whole aspect of a pretty Nikabi wife who would encourage you and keep reminding you of your goals in life - "To get to Jannah".
You don't find a lot of those these days. I don't know whats wrong with the sisters! They are all running after the "rich & famous" guys I guess. Seriously...how can girls like guys that don't have beards? eeww...:)
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Ali_008
07-11-2009, 02:57 AM
:sl:
Brother, you've posted a very good question. Though your question is only related to marriage but a lot of people including me have similar doubts in other areas of life.

According to a hadeeth, a woman is considered for marriage under four criteria and one of them is Physical Beauty but the same hadeeth ends with asking us to marry those who are religiously committed.

I know it is difficult to find a girl whose beautiful from both inside and outside but brother if you're getting distracted by the woman walking on the street then don't you know, that beauty is fake. Those woman spends hours in front of the mirror just trying various creams, lotions and all kinds of cosmetics to look good. So don't get misled by seeing them. Make dua to Allah to grant you a wife who is a coolness to your eyes in every sense and of course dua also requires efforts from our side as well to come true. Tell your problem to your Shaykh and your Parents, InshAllah they'll find the ideal girl for you.

Your basic question was about close to Allah (Azza Wa Jal), well I think thats something which is both in and beyond your control. You can do as many deeds as you want to draw near to Allah but remember that its the intention that matters more than the action. And so sometimes you get confused about what exactly your intention is but anyway you have to carry on. I had asked a Hafiz once that I get really confused about what my actual intentions and even think of not doing the deed, I was about to do so he said to me that its just shaytaan and he gave me a good example. He said, "Just because you "think", you're showing off, will you not offer Salaah and spend that time doing something less important". So the actions are yours to be done and its Allah who accepts them and rewards you for having done it. If you feel that tranquility, that peace of mind and that harmony inside of you then I can only say that its a "good sign."

In a Hadeeth Qudsi , The Prophet (S.A.W.) said:” Allah (S.W.T.) said:’ My servant draws not near to Me with any thing more loved by Me than the religious duties I have enjoined upon him, and My servant continues to draw near to Me with supererogatory works so that I shall love him. When I love him I am his hearing with which he hears, his seeing, with which he sees his hand with which he strikes and his foot with which he walks. Were he to ask [something] of Me, I would surely give it to him, and were he to ask Me for refuge, I would surely grant him it.” [Bukhari]

Our job is to just give our best and the result lies with Allah alone. Make lots and lots and lots and lots of Dua.
:w:
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mathematician
07-11-2009, 08:23 PM
salamu 'alaykum brother,
First you need to come to terms with reality. You will only truly know this once you experience it, hence the old saying "experience is the mother of wisdom".
Brother, the reality is no matter how beautiful a wife you get in this world then very soon your heart will find other women more beautiful than your wife. By beautiful I mean attractive. This is what every married man on this earth faces.

I am not saying it's not ok to wanting a beautiful wife, but you should be cautious my brother and be realistic. The saying "lower your expectations and you will not be disappointed" is key here.
Remember that Hoor al 'ayn are very beautiful and will continue to remain beautiful to one's eyes forever. Therefore, to get such a big treasure there has to be some pain felt in this world.
Being married to a beautiful woman will probably do you some good in the short run, maybe first few months or maybe even a year. But then your heart will find other women beautiful just like you used to be single. This is something we have to live with, unfortunately.
But in the end, we have to at least be pleased that Allah permitted intercourse between married people at least.
Thank you for asking.
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