Muslim man shaking womens hands - how do I avoid it?

[AnonymousPoster]

Right,

I am a muslim man, and work in an enviroment where I am constantly meeting new people, both men and women. And obviously I have to shake their hands and greet them and often they extend me their hands.

Which I am now really really worried about because by chance I found a post where someone said: (not this site)

"Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h.) said: “ If one of you were to be stabbed in the head with an iron needle, it would be better for him than touching a woman whom he is not permitted to touch”. And the Prophet (p.b.u.h.) also said: “ Whoever touches the hand of woman, who is not permissible for him, he would be handed a burning coal the day of resurrection”. "

What can I do if it were just the same women I could maybe sit her down and tell them and give them the islamic reasoning(which I entirely agree with), buts its new people all the time.

I cant not shake their hands and come across rude, can I?????

Thank you

[- IqRa -]

Brother just tell them that my religion does not allow me to shake hands with the opposite sex.

Simple. I have said that and it has worked for me many times, in fact they even respect me because I say that.

[ardianto]

Where are you living brother ?.
Except shaking hands, is there another style of greeting that you can use ?.

I'm living in Southeast Asia, and when I meet a woman I never shake her hand but I use a traditional style greeting without touching her hand.

[AnonymousPoster]

Even when I first meet someone?

It could be a little awkward, that all me colleagues shake a group of peoples hands but when it comes to me and greeting the opposite sex, I say sorry I cant? (I dont mind trying lol)

It is a non muslims environment I work in, could that not appear a little sexiest to non-muslims? Even after I explained why, the may see it as oppressive. How do you recommend I explain it (like exact word-for-word of what I would say please)

and then if I did explain it that could get a little embarrassing for the persons, whom i did shake hands with.

I just want to re-say that I completely agree with this islamically, but I dont want to portray myself in a way that gives my religion a negative appearance.

thanks

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[GuestFellow]

I just say hello or good morning/afternoon to avoid shaking hands with them. It works all the time.

[bamboozled]

I just say hello or good morning/afternoon to avoid shaking hands with them. It works all the time.

Thats what I do when I can, but what when they extend their hand to shake.

[ardianto]

I just say hello or good morning/afternoon to avoid shaking hands with them. It works all the time.

Good Idea. :thumbs_up

[AnonymousPoster]

Good Idea. :thumbs_up

Yea, thats actually perfect lol. Never really thought of that:p.

I shall give it a go lol lol

[kulsumfatima]

Good Idea. :thumbs_up

ya it worked thanxxxxx

[Layla454]

You can do several things:

- You can put your hands behind your back and give a nod of the head to acknowledge them.
- You can put your hand on your heart which is common in the Middle East.
- You can just explain to them the reasons why you can't shake hands of the opposite sex. Whatever you do, don't say "its because you're a woman" because they will get the wrong idea and deem you to be anti-female.

[Ansariyah]

just tell them nicely with a big bling smile 'sorry I don't shake hands'. Surprisingly 100% of the Non-Muslim men I come across show understanding/respect for this. Many will even ask me be4 hand 'u don't shake hands do u' wen I answer no they say that they don't mind.

It's all about ur attitude/energy u portray.

[aadil77]

This is what I do, just look em in the eyes and pretend you can't see their hands or carry stuff in both hands so you don't have any free hands to shake brapp! brapp!

sometimes I just ignore em straight and leave them hanging, then they can work it out, bruv if you have a beard it might make them think about it themselves

[Thinker]

In western culture, the handshake means so many positive things and refusal to shake that extended hand brings many negative connotations. Like it or not that is fact, it is right at the top in terms of importance as part of that culture. You are deluding yourself if you think that it will not be badly received. Another part of that culture is being polite and not making someone feel uncomfortable and that’s when people will tell you that “they understand” and “it’s perfectly alright;” they don’t understand and they will perceive you as culturally incompatible with them. That’s just the way people are, it would be the same in a Muslims country if someone did something which was similarly contra culture.

[GuestFellow]

Thats what I do when I can, but what when they extend their hand to shake.

lol idk... :/

Though with girls, I tend to be at distant from them. If I have to work with a girl, I tend to avoid to having close contact with them. They don't notice it at all.

Good Idea. :thumbs_up

Thanks :P

[muslimah1234]

salaam. whenever this happens to me, but the other way round with a guy i just simply say 'sorry i don't shake hands' and they usually understand and apologise for putting out there hand! lol and if they ask why, just give them an honest answer, it'l make them more aware next time. although no1 has asked me why theyre usually (actually all the time) very understanding. after all to greet someone you dont have to make unncessary physical contact. im in a profession wich requires a lot of contact with people from al walks of life and they usually hold out there hand to be greeted so its no big deal telling them how it is.......hope that helps :)

[abu_musab461]

i went to view a property today and didnt expect a mushrik sikh woman to turn up, anyway she extended her hand and i just thought is she muslim? she should know we dont shake hands.

So i said "Sorry i'm muslim i dont shake hands with women"

She was like "Oh. Ok."

But we carried on as though nothing happened.

Then the muslim guy (has a beard) who is the land lord of the property, walks up and shakes hands with the woman!!

I'm left thinking, there's me trying to give dawah by example and this silly person ruins it all.

What impression of islam must she have been left with?

[The_Prince]

just tell them u have a rare skin disease which effects others if they touch you. :) muahaaahahahahahahah

[Najm]

just tell them u have a rare skin disease which effects others if they touch you. :) muahaaahahahahahahah

AsSalamOAlaikum WaRehmatuAllah WaBarkatuhu

Today at work i said to them....
"my neighbour has swine flu and my colleague is being tested"

Make Dua for them.


FiAmaaniAllah

[Fardosa]

Yeah I think you should just simple clarify it to them and tell them straight forwardly that you can't shake hands with the opposite gender. This happened to my dad once when he came to college for parents evening and my teacher extended her hand and my dad was like:'' I don't want to be perceived as being rude person but I can't shake hands''. And she was like totally fine with it. I hope it helps Insha'Allah.
Salaam alaikum..

[Najm]

AsSalamOAlaikum WaRehmatuAllah WaBarkatuhu

Alhamdulilah!! Good pratical advices.

Its an issue that needs to be dealt with

Just be honest. Keep it short and simple. No need to give a lecture.....

FiAmaaniAllah

[aadil77]

Sister, it is not really a minor issue.

The Prophet (sallallahoo alaihe wassalam) has said: "It is better for the one of you to be pierced by a steel pin in his head than to touch the hand of a strange woman".

I think she meant its straight forward to practice and doesn't need much discussing

[piXie]

Minor issue, 2 pages of advice on a minor issue, subhanAllah.

It starts with a look
n a minor hand shake
an innocent smile
Causing marriages to break.

Can be maaaajor consequences. :hmm:

P.S. With all due respect Mr Thinker.. think about that. It shouldn't bring negative connotations or bad feelings if people are educated about the wisdom's and reasons for it. We do not wish to offend people or make them feel uncomfortable, but for us, preserving the marriage is right at the top in terms of importance as part of society. Not the hand shake. Islam prohibits a man and woman to have a relationship outside of marriage (boyfriends etc), and when Islam prohibits something, it prohibits all ways leading to it. That is why Islam does not even allow looking at a member of the opposite gender, let alone shaking their hand, smiling, joking etc. I'm sure I don't have to explain in depth because you've been on LI long and must know and understand already. But for those who don't have the knowledge or understanding of Islam, feel free to explain to them and educate them about the reasons behind why we don't shake hands. I am sure if they are intelligent and educated individuals, and think over it sincerely, and look at society today, they would understand and appreciate the wisdoms.

Regards,

[Abdul Fattah]

Selam aleykum
Out of my personal experience, I found that it's not so much what you say, but the way you handle it.

Example 1:
if a person extends their hand, and you explain to them that you don't shake hands, and explain why, no matter what you say, allot of people will still be offended. It's like somehow the atmosphere is broken, and the apologetic attitude will sort of get the worst out of people. Most woman feel like I'm condescending, and many think that the rule is because woman are impure or something like that. Even if you explain it, it is almost as if the shock of being denied a handshake disables them from hearing your explanation. In like 90% of the times that I handled it like this, people were still angry with me despite of my explanation.

Example 2:
However, if instead of explaining and being apologetic about it, you just put your hands behind your back, and smile and nod and say hi in a very social and warm way. And act as if you don't even notice their extended hand, then either they will let it slip by and lower their hand, or ask why you don't shake hand and be open minded to what you have to say. In fact rather then being angry with you, most people even feel bad and apologise saying something like: "sorry I didn't know that". And in like 90% of the times that I used this method, I got such a response.

[Ummu Sufyaan]

I cant not shake their hands and come across rude, can I?????

the way i look at it: they should respect your decision. its your hand, you choose who gets to shake it.

i think body language is important as well. don't look too willing to give your hand out for example, as someone else mentioned, distract them with speech?

also, i guess it could be used as a dawah oppurtunity. if they see that you don't shake hands, then it may stir in them a curiosity to ask more about Islam.

In western culture, the handshake means so many positive things and refusal to shake that extended hand brings many negative connotations.

with all due respect, i do think you are unnecessarily exaggerating in saying it brings many negative connotations. if someone doesn't want to extend their hand out, then whose to force them.

Like it or not that is fact, it is right at the top in terms of importance as part of that culture.

culture is cool, but it shouldn't be put first to religion.

Another part of that culture is being polite and not making someone feel uncomfortable and that’s when people will tell you that “they understand” and “it’s perfectly alright;” they don’t understand and they will perceive you as culturally incompatible with them.

whose fault is that? if one sees it as disrespectful, they are not being any better by not respecting our way of life either.

[- IqRa -]

Sister, it is not really a minor issue.

The Prophet (sallallahoo alaihe wassalam) has said: "It is better for the one of you to be pierced by a steel pin in his head than to touch the hand of a strange woman".

to be honest i dont think its a minor issue :thumbs_up

It starts with a look
n a minor hand shake
an innocent smile
Causing marriages to break.

Can be maaaajor consequences. :hmm:

P.S. With all due respect Mr Thinker.. think about that. It shouldn't bring negative connotations or bad feelings if people are educated about the wisdom's and reasons for it. We do not wish to offend people or make them feel uncomfortable, but for us, preserving the marriage is right at the top in terms of importance as part of society. Not the hand shake. Islam prohibits a man and woman to have a relationship outside of marriage (boyfriends etc), and when Islam prohibits something, it prohibits all ways leading to it. That is why Islam does not even allow looking at a member of the opposite gender, let alone shaking their hand, smiling, joking etc. I'm sure I don't have to explain in depth because you've been on LI long and must know and understand already. But for those who don't have the knowledge or understanding of Islam, feel free to explain to them and educate them about the reasons behind why we don't shake hands. I am sure if they are intelligent and educated individuals, and think over it sincerely, and look at society today, they would understand and appreciate the wisdoms.

Regards,

sigh

...

I think she meant its straight forward to practice and doesn't need much discussing

<_<

[piXie]

Whilst I am merely a student of Islam I am an expert in the cultural practices and beliefs of the indigenous population of the UK and I can assure you that their polite response to your explanation for not shaking hands simply means they are being polite, it does not mean they ‘understand’ and it does mean that they find it acceptable. It’s not a matter of education, I am educated and I know more about Islam than most none Muslims and I don’t understand this practice. You take the text in this verse literally as touching hand meaning literally touching a hand but you take other text in other verses not literally. And outside all of that I can't believe that shaking hands would offend God. It's extremism i.e. an extremely pious interpretation of Islamic text and will be viewed as such and those practcing it will be viewed as extremists. I am sorry but that's the way it is in the real (western) world and before you all jump all over me, I am just the messenger.
Last but not least, this is nothing personal.

Please understand that this is nothing personal. I admire and appreciate the British people for their polite and good character, and not showing if they are offended. This is a great quality in a person and it continues to impress me. Living in a Multi Cultural society, we all must try to understand and respect the differences between each others beliefs, culture, and practices. If we (and I mean the Muslims too) cannot be a society where we can be respectful and understand each others beliefs, if we cannot be a society were we are open minded and open hearted, then we have achieved nothing. Thank you for giving me some insight into how you feel about it and the other non Muslims, and for helping me understand that the handshake is seen as a very important cultural practice. I respect that and I respect your culture. But we are being put in very difficult position because we believe to shake hands with a member of the opposite gender is totally not allowed in our religion. We take our religion very seriously, just as you take your culture very seriously. If we make this into a big issue, it will be putting us all in a very difficult situation and position. We have to come to an understanding and agreement. Infact, to us, religion takes precedence over culture. We can modify our culture, but we cannot disobey the Creator. Please tolerate us and understand. We are not meaning to offend anyone here. For which you and the non Muslim community are already admired and respected for.

As a Muslim woman, I cannot shake the hand of another man to whom I am not related. My religion does not allow me - with aany non mahram man. I love my religion and I love my Creator and believe that obeying my Creator takes precedence over everything in my life. It is absolutely nothing personal. I am sorry if you and the British community for whom you speak feel that I am extreme for not shaking my hand. Our apologies if we have caused you any offense or hurt.

Yours Sincerely,
A Muslim Sister

[Abdul Fattah]

Hi thinker,
I forgot about this when I made my first few posts in this thread, but now I remember
This is the Islamic advice section. Muslism come here to solicit Islamic advice, comparative religion and debate is not to be tolerated here under any circumstances, please keep that in mind when posting in this section.

[anonymous]

Iv found this post very interesting and understand the confusion but Im unsure of which view point is correct as both make sense.

What should I do ?

[AlexJ90]

This isnt really a rational way of thinking about this topic in my opinion. I see no problem with greeting and saying hello to a female and shaking her hand ( WITHOUT NO INTENTION ON THE MIND ).

If there was an intention on the mind of the man, while shaking the womans hand i see this as wrong. However if the man is innocent with no delibrate intentions on his mind and body, then i see no wrong in greeting another worker.

Are you telling me you have to marry a woman, in order to SHAKE her hand without NO intentions at all, but to say hello and carry on working?.

This is all my opinion by the way.

Thank you all.

[Layla454]

I see no problem with greeting and saying hello to a female and shaking her hand ( WITHOUT NO INTENTION ON THE MIND ).

YOU see no problem with it, but Islam does. As a Muslim you need to obey the commands and not do things according to your whims

[Abdul Fattah]

Selam aleykum
Can moderators pls close this thread?
This thread was made for somebody who wanted advice on how to avoid shaking hands with people of the opposite gender. It wasn't supposed to be a debate format. If you guys want to shake womans hand based on your interpretation, then by all means do so, but stop trying to convince everyone else of your viewpoint.

If there is doubt over an issue, then the best thing is always to avoid such issues. So if people avoid shaking hands because we believe this is not allowed, or if people avoid it because we know there is doubt over the issue, then that is a good thing. Even if you don't believe this is forbidden in Islam, you should still realise that it is safer, better to avoid it, and you certainly shouldn't advice people against it! Especially since there is no harm in this.

I mean really, who are you trying to convince, them or yourself?

[3isha]

just smile and touch ure heart, that way they know ure not putting it forward to shake it, it can work trust me

[3isha]

This isnt really a rational way of thinking about this topic in my opinion. I see no problem with greeting and saying hello to a female and shaking her hand ( WITHOUT NO INTENTION ON THE MIND ).

If there was an intention on the mind of the man, while shaking the womans hand i see this as wrong. However if the man is innocent with no delibrate intentions on his mind and body, then i see no wrong in greeting another worker.

Are you telling me you have to marry a woman, in order to SHAKE her hand without NO intentions at all, but to say hello and carry on working?.

This is all my opinion by the way.

Thank you all.

so you would giver her a hug as well then if your mind is clear with no wrong intentions.. :?? how does that work brother
And as far as it goes things do'nt actually work the way we opine but the way we have been guided with, (Qur'an and sunnah) so u have to look at all interprations before making up an opinion.