Walaikumussalam and thank you everybody for the pray and the wishes. I didnt even think that I would get a good response. Anyway Alhamdullilah the ceremony went smoothly
Since I already made a promised to help the upcoming Muallaf, I shall share my experience. Just bear with me if it is too long - I had to re-edit and re-read in order not to miss any important details. I really hope by sharing my stories this would open the heart of the non Muslim and EVEN the Muslims themselves. Coming from a non Muslim family, the understanding of Islam could be very different. That's why it's best to keep our heart open.
Au'dhu Billahi Min ash-Shaitan Ar-Rajeem, Bismillah Hir Rahman Nir Rahman Nir Rahim
PART 1 - How Islam entered my life.[/B]
f3nd1 is my nickname, of which is an acronym of the name Effendi. This name was chosen after a very famous Indonesian artist, Affandi. (See here for more info). After some research, I found out that this is actually a very meaningful name.
Taken from Wikipedia
Effendi or Efendi (Arabic: أفندي Afandī; Persian: آفندی ) is a nobility title meaning a lord or master.
Effendi was also considered a man of high education or social standing in an eastern (Mediterranean or Arab) country. It was a title of Turkish origin, analogous to Esquire, and junior to Bey in Egypt during the period of Muhammad Ali dynasty
Effendi is still used as an honorific in Egypt and Turkey, and is the source of the word أفندم؟ effendim?, Turkish: efendim, a particularly polite way of saying "Pardon me?".
In Bosnia and Herzegovina "Effendi" refers to Muslim clerics. in Bosnia "Efendija"
I am an Indonesian Chinese, living in Singapore for the past 15 years. Although I come from a Buddhist family, since young I have been exposed to Islam.(as you know that Indonesia is a muslim country). My old house was located near mosque, so to hear takhbir is a norm for me. I used to hate hearing the night takhbir before Ramadhan. It was so loud till I could not sleep. Personally I feel that's the thing that I missed most about Indonesia, the echo sound of takhbir which you can only find it in a Muslim countries.
I also remembered when I was young each time the TV played the Ramadhan night Takhbir(Allahu Akhbar Allahu Akbar la ila haila...) my tears will drop for some reason. Strangely the sound of takhbir really moves my heart despite not knowing the meaning. And of course coming from a non Muslim family when the TV played the Adzan, my family would off the TV. In short I have been living in a Muslim country and unfortunately with the wrong impression of Islam: Islam as terrorist and Islam as a cover up mask (politicians, religious head, etc.. are just using Islam's name for their own benefit - munafik). It has never came across in my mind to even had a glimpse to know about Islam. But only with His will ( Wala haula wala quata illa billa) I am a Muallaf now :)
But how Islam really came to my life was because of my ex Muslim girlfriend (4.5 years ago). She was the one that introduced me to Islam. We wanted to be together so much but she said I have to be a Muslim. I explained to her, that's not the case, in Indonesia there are many inter-religious married. A Muslim married to Christian and vice versa.
That relationship went for 2.5 years, we were naughty and still wanted to enjoy life. We drank alcohol, went pubs etc... until accidentally she got pregnant. Not wanting to have a baby we decided to have an abortion while the baby was still 3 months old. Ironically we call him Iman or "Faith". Since that moment we felt that we should get back to the right path and really seek for forgiveness. I still remembered telling her: " No matter what had happened Iman will still with us and always with us". That sentence was actually meant for my unborn baby and our faith to Him.
The first ayat that I learned was 'Ayat Al-Kursi'. She taught me because the rented room that I stayed was haunted and I used to get many disturbances. At first I didn't want to because I felt that I still do not want to convert, but after reading the meaning (and the fact that the haunted house was getting bad to worst) I was so in love with Ayat Al-Kursi's meaning. At that time I only learned and remembered the meaning but not the Arabic one. Only after a few months then I started to learn Al-Fateha... that again I learned because I felt in love with the meaning but not the Arabic one. To me Quran was just a poem.
The real test from Him came to me 5 months before we broke out. I had a new job, my salary was so low, I had tremendous stress with my work, her parents kept on forcing to convert and marry her, my family didn't like her, my family refused to understand me for many reasons (they are the typical old Chinese mindset) and ended up I went to a depression. I am a loner and sensitive person, I don't normally share my stories with other people and that deepen my depression. Everyday after work I would go home and just sat alone for many hours doing nothing and prayed to God. Since young I have always believe that there is only one God. I was from a Catholic school and mixed around with the Christians friends. Ever there was one time I wanted to be a Hindu because I was so amazed with their culture. I was so crazy with the idolization of an elephant god and decided to have a tattoo of it behind my back. Born from Buddhist family that practice Taoism religion. All of these religions only confused me;there were too many gods. There are fortune god, prosperity god, idolization of an honoured man/woman etc and prayed to all of them for help. Sometime if it doesn't work we would say:"Nay, maybe this god doesn't like me" or "I guess I don't have this connection with this god that my wish has not come true". It might sound funny but imagine if you were fed that way since young - you would do the same. My understanding of God, religion and human was totally mixed out. Despite the confusion I believe and found out that all these religions actually pray to the Almighty God (Allah that is what we call in Islam). With that I called myself a free thinker - I believe all religions but to me God is only one.
Back to the depression: Each day I would pray to Him and only, to have a proper place for me to pray, to have a proper way of praying and gave myself up due to my depression.
He answered! How?? Here's the story: My ex girlfriend went missing for 2 weeks and I found out she was with another person and marrying him!! (The details i shall not reveal but it was because of 'zina' and my parent caught us). I felt my life was gone! I went home (a new rented house) and decided to hang and kill myself. The depression and His test was too great... Seriously at that time I really has lost all hopes though really not wanting to kill myself because of my family I still go ahead with the committing suicide. ** this part I cant really remember** What I remembered, I felt from the string and in tears a saw a flash of light and my heart was telling me "There is still hope!!" Out of sudden my motivation to live was back! I took my dad Buddhist holy water and cleaned my head with it and bath. I decided at that very moment that I will perform a pray in Islam way (due to desperation) and to really surrender and seek forgiveness from Him. And I sholat (with the guidance of my friend's book 'How to sholat') for the very first time...
-- to be continued--