Why Is Getting Married Made So Hard?WHY????

[Sizzlerjimer]

asalam u alikum wa rehatulahi wa berkathu

i hope when you read this your in best of your health INSALLAH

Unfortunately i have come up with another thread regarding marriage.:exhausted

You have to have a good degree and a good job in order to get married. The girl or the guy has to be from the same race or in some cultures the same cast.Most of all the wedding ceremony i mean O M G the mehndi(henna), the wedding day and then the walima. All these haram things people dancing,free mixing and showing of the wealth, what is that?where is that in islam??All of these reasons are making guys and girls go towards haram things.We all have needs and desiers and if one doesnt fulfil them in the halal way then BAM satan comes in and say ''you know what allow the marriage you need to do this and to do that'' you know what i mean?

Where do we go now?What we do then?If our parents donot understand what are we supposed to do?I am sure i am speaking for many of the brothers and sisters out there.

There are other problems too practiciing brothers cant find practicing sister and vice versa.

lets take my example yes

i am 23yrs old i have a degree in business management(ASIAN YAAR:D) and i want to get married because i want to be away from the fitna.Dont get me wrong its not like i am desperate to get married but i will be lying if i say that i donot want to get married asap.First some of my elders tell me wait till your 27 because that is the perfect age to get married and when my parents start looking for a girl they apparently cannot seem to find a practicing muslimah i mean HELLO living in a muslim country and cannot find one what is that all about.Lets take western countries yes, practicing sisters here donot ask you anything about the deen first question is What Is Ur VISA STATUS.WHERE is that in islam??I agree that people from back home donot have the best of reputation but are all of them after your passport?I dont wana pledge my allegiance to the queen.ONE UMMAH right??Why is it so hard to fulfil the sunnah of our beloved PROPHET SAW


I have put forward my example just to give an idea of what i am trying to say.I hope every one understands it.INSALLAH

Jazak ALLAH

[Beardo]

:threadapp

[noorseeker]

brother its more the culture clash, bro i dont see why you would get rejected, you dont seem a freshie to me, your very educated

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

:sl:

A lot of us can relate bro and believe me I don't have a solution for you. If I had one for myself I'd be married lol. But yea it's insanely annoying O.o

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[GuestFellow]

asalam u alikum

I don't think I will ever get married. Looking at the other marriages, so many of them end up in divorce.

So yeah it sounds frustrating.

[Eric H]

Greetings and peace be with you OxygenHacker;

Getting Married might seem hard, but staying married is even harder. I have been married 24 years today as it happens, and I feel you have to try harder the longer you are married. I think that is why so many marraiges fail, we think marraige is the answer to many of our problems.

Things will happen in God's time.

In the spirit of praying for that inner peace that surpasses all understanding

Eric

[Sahabiyaat]

Happy Anniversary Eric :D

Jab ladkha larkhi raazi......toh kiya kare ga kazi :D

actually if the girl and boy are happy then no ones happy....i think u need to trick everyone and act unhappy ...hah that should do it. ;D

[Sizzlerjimer]

Happy Anniversary Eric :D

Jab ladkha larkhi raazi......toh kiya kare ga kazi :D

actually if the girl and boy are happy then no ones happy....i think u need to trick everyone and act unhappy ...hah that should do it. ;D

asalam u alikum wa rehamtulahi wa berkathu

thank you all very much for your input

sister sahabiyaat yahan per larki hee nahin hai larka tuu raazi betha hai :embarrass

brother nightstar you are a star lol thank you very much for your very kind comment but apparently Practicing Muslim + Educated + Good Job = YES YES
BUTT when you add Practicing Muslim + Educated + Good Job + Green Passport = NO NO NO NO

sister LOH are you facing the same problems as i am aww i am sure ALLAH has got a very good husband just in line waiting for you. INSALLAH.

brother guestfellow donot be like that marriage is half our deen and also its a sunnah.

if the marriage is based on islamic values then trust me it will not end in divorce also rememeber arguements is a part and parcel of any marriage so dnt be scared of marriage.

Greetings and peace be with you too Eric H

wohaaaa Eric you have done well havent you but its your 24th wedding anniversary today and your here blogging lol :hiding: i hope you will have many many more.Marriage is not an answer but what i am saying is that there are so many temptations and trials and satan is our biggest enemy so islam has told us the best way to solve this, when one is of age and has means to marry he or she should get married.Our families unfortunately have forgot that golden principle and what you have now is indispicable.

another golden rule of marriage Its not what you can take from a marriage its what you can give it.

Other question is these days especially in asian culture there is haram things happening in a marriage for example dance free mixing mehndi(henna), can anyone plz tell me how the marriage was done in the early days of islam?i know nikkah was in the mosque and big walima but people dnt expect that these days and if some one says we are going to have a simple wedding people down upon you.I HAVE had this talk trust meeee.

Jazak ALLAH

[transition?]

:sl:

Akhi, Br. Yasir Birjas has lectures on Marriage. Check his website Practimate.com. Also, there's halfourdeen.com by Baba Ali. it's newly launched, but it's on hod because of so many users.

lol. your thread reminded me of this. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ZzAEFx42dc

Also
"..... And whoever fears Allah- Allah will provide for him a means of deliverance." 65:2


InshaAllah everything will go well in the end
If you are relying on Allah (swt), why despair ? He is Sustainer of the Universe.
What the ayat above tells us it that if we keep with our duties and fear Allah, He will provide his believers with a way, a window or door. Although we may not see the door opening, Allah (swt) Knows best and All.

[Ali_008]

:sl:
The haraam celebration part of today's marriages is scary for me too. Does someone have a solution to it?:(
:w:

[Sizzlerjimer]

asalam u alikum wa rehamtulahi wa berkathu

sister transition i cannot stop laughing here the jingle is very very funny may ALLAH bless you for making me laugh.

i know about practimate but you have to pay for it so i was thinking will it really work.

offcourse ALLAH is greatest the greatest sustainer ALLAH O AKBAR.i am assuming people here know about baba ali and ummah films aka reminders ryt??


Jazak ALLAH

[AntiKarateKid]

Yea it is freaking hard for some of us. Especially when you see modest looking brothers with really attractive sisters and you can't help but (sigh).

But marriage is half our religion. Though I'm not gonna lower my standards, even if it is difficult.

[safiya0631]

asalamualaikum

having a small wedding and not inviting certain people is not common at all now. more people are spending money on having a luxury wedding and mehndi party where der is all haraam thngs happining. when people say they want a small wedding and dnt invite certain relatives they start talking dat they where not invited etc and look dwn upon the family. They dnt realise dat in our prophets days dey had nikah in the masjid and den a big walima.

[thetruth2009]

Assalam aleykoum,


I give you my example :

I want to get married with girl which is not Arabic but muslim ( convert about 8 years ago) she did not convert because she love me because Allah SWT guide her Alhamdouliallah.

My parents and my sisters and my brother are against me, they do not want me to marry that girld I love so much and here to be my wife.

The situation is very hard for nearly two years I am thinking what I am suppose to do, I will never abandoned here.

In the Quran it never said its forbiden to marry a non arabic muslim, I told that to my parents but they do not understand, I do not think that is islam ??

My mother always bring me the Hadith that the heaven is under the foot of the mother, I agree but I never misrepsect my father or my mother they have to respect my decision no ????


I am living a hard situation, I have a flat and everuything, but I do not know I do not want to be in trouble with my parents ???

My future wife told me if its hard for you we can stop here and she will understand and its god choice, I said no we have to show to my parents they get the wrong islam, I mean its not islam its about tradition.


I will ask you to pray for me, thanking you in advance.


Assalam aleykoum sisters and brothers.

[Bittersteel]

okay,what are Muslim women really like now?What are they drawn to mostly?
You know Oxygen Hacker,they all think the Muslim men are bad evil morons and that's how the media portrays them too.The media should shed some light on Muslim men's issues.

[Clover]

Well, the idea is to get married once, at least here, and that be the last time. Not always like that, but that's the general idea, and my only fear is not finding that one. I think I have, but I don't put all my hopes into it. Always keep some in reserve. I want to be married before I'm 28, but no one knows what the future holds.

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

Assalam aleykoum,


I give you my example :

I want to get married with girl which is not Arabic but muslim ( convert about 8 years ago) she did not convert because she love me because Allah SWT guide her Alhamdouliallah.

My parents and my sisters and my brother are against me, they do not want me to marry that girld I love so much and here to be my wife.

The situation is very hard for nearly two years I am thinking what I am suppose to do, I will never abandoned here.

In the Quran it never said its forbiden to marry a non arabic muslim, I told that to my parents but they do not understand, I do not think that is islam ??

My mother always bring me the Hadith that the heaven is under the foot of the mother, I agree but I never misrepsect my father or my mother they have to respect my decision no ????


I am living a hard situation, I have a flat and everuything, but I do not know I do not want to be in trouble with my parents ???

My future wife told me if its hard for you we can stop here and she will understand and its god choice, I said no we have to show to my parents they get the wrong islam, I mean its not islam its about tradition.


I will ask you to pray for me, thanking you in advance.


Assalam aleykoum sisters and brothers.

That just sounds like emotional blackmail. Yes we have to respect our parents but it's against islam to reject someone due to race. You should explain that to your mom. Show her the hadith about an arab and non arab, black or white not being superior to each other except in taqwa. Also theres a verse in the Quraan about Allah(swt) making us into different tribes and nations so that we can get to know each other. A parents approval is important but they cant reject someone for the wrong reasons i.e. race/nationality. There could be several reasons with them not accpeting. First is that they think maybe there will be a culture/communication barrier or they may think their people are better, in which the second case is definitely wrong.

May Allah make it easy for u brother, ameen.

:sl:

[thetruth2009]

That just sounds like emotional blackmail. Yes we have to respect our parents but it's against islam to reject someone due to race. You should explain that to your mom. Show her the hadith about an arab and non arab, black or white not being superior to each other except in taqwa. Also theres a verse in the Quraan about Allah(swt) making us into different tribes and nations so that we can get to know each other. A parents approval is important but they cant reject someone for the wrong reasons i.e. race/nationality. There could be several reasons with them not accpeting. First is that they think maybe there will be a culture/communication barrier or they may think their people are better, in which the second case is definitely wrong.

May Allah make it easy for u brother, ameen.

:sl:

Assalam aleykoum Sister, I am not calling you brother :statisfie

Amine, Amen, thank you very much for your support, I appreciate.

I forget my girlfriend is black its harder, imsad


God bless you all.

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

Girlfriend/boyfriend relationships are haraam brother. Maybe you mean something else?

[AlbanianMuslim]

Speaking for myself, i dont think a guy HAS to have a degree or wealth or even great looks to be someone id marry....the #1 thing that i wish i could find, is a good muslim who wants to live a life without haram.

[thetruth2009]

Girlfriend/boyfriend relationships are haraam brother. Maybe you mean something else?

Assalam aleykoum my sister,


I mean to see her with parents and sisters, with people, is not allowed ?

Is it Haram to love somebody before getting married ???


Thank you for your reply.


Assalam aleykoum, I ask god to forgive us and to guide us Insha'Allah, Amine.

[M..x]

:sl: Wr Wb...
Bro Your thread made me LAUGH OUT LOUD.. For several reasons aktally, tha first being tha manner in which you wrote it and tha patheticness of tha Pakistani community..
Its hard to change tha wurld and tha whole community so I guess you have to start within your own family.. It probably will take much effort trying to convince our family that these practices [Esp Mehndi ERUGH] are out of Islam and I guess the root cause of this is jahiliyah. Buh if we try convincing our families ad friends that this is out of Islam & get rid of such things, then maybe just maybe we'll find a common ground or something of tha sort with tha rest of tha community... Buh it'll take time cause stuff like this is like been prakticed for a very long time. May Allah give us hidayaah...
I guess for tha rest of tha questions you asked, tha answer is because of tha current situation tha Ummah is in & all tha fitnah around us, its hard to seperate tha fake ones from tha genuine ones and tbh I cant stand tha faut of getting married myself, it scares me, especially wit a freshy whu is just looking for a visa. [InshAllah that doesnt happen to eny of us]. Buh I guess as I said, its guna be up to you to explain tha situation to your family and help them udnerstand your perspective.. & in effect help them differinciate between culture and religon. Keep trying till you get there I guess... Good Luck!
P.S, Eric H I totally agree!! & Congratulations!!
Peace & W/Salaam Wr Wb

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

Assalam aleykoum my sister,


I mean to see her with parents and sisters, with people, is not allowed ?

Is it Haram to love somebody before getting married ???


Thank you for your reply.


Assalam aleykoum, I ask god to forgive us and to guide us Insha'Allah, Amine.

With her mahram around is ok...but girlfriend is the wrong term :/ That means different.

[- IqRa -]

Lol... just lol.

[Sizzlerjimer]

asalam u alikum wa rehamtulahi wa berkathu

i started this thread and i donot even say anything:embarrass:hiding: SUBHAN ALLAH i am overwhelmed by all the responses keep them coming

now let me reply all of u one by one,bare with me plz brothers and sisters

brother antikaratekid first why do you look at sisters who are married or who are not married :hmm::hmm:???bu ti know what you mean lol

sister safiya ur saying all that was in my mind but can you not invite all these relatives to the big walima you can coz its a BIG walima hena?Doing mehndi(henna)without dancing and all satanic things is it ok??what if the gals are just playing the duff not the dholak i mean tha duff u know what i mean?u knw how asian mehndi goes guy sits down and he is force fedddddd like sooooooooooo much sweets its wkd:embarrass but if its not allowed i wont do it(not that i have found the girl lol)need to be ready initttttt lol

brother aziz muslim women are drawn to the THREE C'S CAR,CASH,CREDIT CARD.these are non practicing sisters.these are materialistic people which you will find in abundance in muslim society these days but ALHMADULIALLAH there still are practicing sisters and insALLAH both me&u will find one same goes with the sisters insALLAH u single sisters will find the practicing brother who is just not in to looks and beauty.

brother truth may ALLAH make it easy for you AMEEN but make sure u dnt fall in to the trap of the biggest deciver the cursed the biggest enemy satan.

albanian sister are you sure you want that because there are so many guys out there who are just looking for the same thing as in a girl who is not looking for money but marrys for the sake of ALLAH SWT.May ALLAH help you in finding what your looking for.

sister muslim gyal our parents will not understand no matter how hard you try there last sentence is MUNDA SADAY FRIQAY TU BAHAR CHALA GAYA means our son has left our madhanb or firqa u know wat i mean?
as far as visa is concerned what i say to ppl is i dnt want ur visa or ur red passport i dnt wat ALLAH to save the queen why should i pledge my allegiance to the queen this is my view even before i became practicing ALHAMDULILALLAH.visa or passport for uk or any westeren countries never had an attraction for me but i know what you mean i have friends who have married for passport and if i wanted to i wud have married 2yrs ago and wud have had a indefinite visa nw and wud av had a red passport w8ing in line again do uknw wat i mean but again there is so much fitna and bad ppl around that every one has been given the good old cliche of passport kay liyay shaadi ker raha hai.i hope u understand urdu.

TIA sister r u laffing at me???imsadimsad


who av i left ermmm oh sister LOH what do i say to you??

:exhausted:exhausted


Jazak ALLAH

[zakirs]

best of luck bro , try to make your parents understand. take help of some *knowledgable* elders .

[zakirs]

also never stop giving support to sister bro .. i think converted people deserve the most respect than any of us .

[Sizzlerjimer]

asalam u alikum wa rehamtulahi wa berkathu

i started this thread and i donot even say anything SUBHAN ALLAH i am overwhelmed by all the responses keep them coming

now let me reply all of u one by one,bare with me plz brothers and sisters

brother antikaratekid first why do you look at sisters who are married or who are not married ???bu ti know what you mean lol

sister safiya ur saying all that was in my mind but can you not invite all these relatives to the big walima you can coz its a BIG walima hena?Doing mehndi(henna)without dancing and all satanic things is it ok??what if the gals are just playing the duff not the dholak i mean tha duff u know what i mean?u knw how asian mehndi goes guy sits down and he is force fedddddd like sooooooooooo much sweets its wkd but if its not allowed i wont do it(not that i have found the girl lol)need to be ready initttttt lol

brother aziz muslim women are drawn to the THREE C'S CAR,CASH,CREDIT CARD.these are non practicing sisters.these are materialistic people which you will find in abundance in muslim society these days but ALHMADULIALLAH there still are practicing sisters and insALLAH both me&u will find one same goes with the sisters insALLAH u single sisters will find the practicing brother who is just not in to looks and beauty.

brother truth may ALLAH make it easy for you AMEEN but make sure u dnt fall in to the trap of the biggest deciver the cursed the biggest enemy satan.

albanian sister are you sure you want that because there are so many guys out there who are just looking for the same thing as in a girl who is not looking for money but marrys for the sake of ALLAH SWT.May ALLAH help you in finding what your looking for.

sister muslim gyal our parents will not understand no matter how hard you try there last sentence is MUNDA SADAY FRIQAY TU BAHAR CHALA GAYA means our son has left our madhanb or firqa u know wat i mean?
as far as visa is concerned what i say to ppl is i dnt want ur visa or ur red passport i dnt wat ALLAH to save the queen why should i pledge my allegiance to the queen this is my view even before i became practicing ALHAMDULILALLAH.visa or passport for uk or any westeren countries never had an attraction for me but i know what you mean i have friends who have married for passport and if i wanted to i wud have married 2yrs ago and wud have had a indefinite visa nw and wud av had a red passport w8ing in line again do uknw wat i mean but again there is so much fitna and bad ppl around that every one has been given the good old cliche of passport kay liyay shaadi ker raha hai.i hope u understand urdu.

TIA sister r u laffing at me???

Jazak ALLAH

[Muslimlearner]

Ua aleykum salam ua rahmatullahi ua barakatu!

Wait,wait brother OxygenHacker !!!

If your familly want kufr rituals:say no,explain to them and finally make hijrah if they reject!I know ppl in Pk. are so much into hindu stuff (insha-Alla khair!)
How come muslims do such ****what green card,what dancing ?! :heated:

and you know brother: you have to feed your dream bride;you have to memorise whitout mistakes your duties as a muslim husband(and practise it :D) you don't have to make false oaths to her,you have to look good,as all of us(!):it is a sunna to be slim and strong,clean,clean,clean....and everything else ;D You don't only get form her-you must give too!
Are you ready for this?

I see here in Egypt,muslims start to wed islamic way: they give some food to the ppl in the local mosque,no party,no dress,no pics,no musik,no show up.It is so nice way:simple and don't waste money.

[Sizzlerjimer]

Ua aleykum salam ua rahmatullahi ua barakatu!

Wait,wait brother OxygenHacker !!!

If your familly want kufr rituals:say no,explain to them and finally make hijrah if they reject!I know ppl in Pk. are so much into hindu stuff (insha-Alla khair!)
How come muslims do such ****what green card,what dancing ?! :heated:

and you know brother: you have to feed your dream bride;you have to memorise whitout mistakes your duties as a muslim husband(and practise it :D) you don't have to make false oaths to her,you have to look good,as all of us(!):it is a sunna to be slim and strong,clean,clean,clean....and everything else ;D You don't only get form her-you must give too!
Are you ready for this?

I see here in Egypt,muslims start to wed islamic way: they give some food to the ppl in the local mosque,no party,no dress,no pics,no musik,no show up.It is so nice way:simple and don't waste money.

asalam u alikum wa rehamtulahi wa berkathu

sister i know my duties and insALLAH i will fulfil my duties. I will provide the financial stability insALLAH and i do look gd and i will insALLAH.I am toned and hygenic. I Know marriage is not about what you can get from it is what you can give to it.yes i am ready for it are you sister?

I wana do the islamic way and insALLAH i will.

Jazak ALLAHU Khayrun

[qarasz]

Assalamu allikum....

first of all why u worried........ a muslim...should leave his fate in Allah.

if he fixed one for u....ofcrse u will get a spouse decided by him &
Dont worry...keep ur patience & await for the day.

all those rejecting with reason..is experience & fate Of Allah.

say Allhamdullilah.....wait....its All from him.

Islamic Wedding
(
WEDDING OF FAATIMAH (RADHIYALLAAHU ANHA)
Faatimah (Radhiallaahu Anha) is the youngest daughter of our beloved Prophet (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam). Out of all the children, he was the most beloved to him. He said, 'The Queen of the ladies in Jannat is Faatimah.' He also said, 'Faatimah is part of my body. Whoever grieves her, grieves me.'
When Faatimah (Radhiallaahu Anha) reached the age of fifteen, proposals for her marriage began to come from high and responsible families. But the Prophet (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) remained irresponsive.
Ali (Radhiallaahu Anhu), who was 21 at the time, says: It occurred to me that I should go and make a formal proposal, but then I thought, 'How could this be accomplished, for I possess nothing.' At last, encouraged by the Prophet's kindness, I went to him and expressed my intention to marry Faatima (Radhiyallaahu Anha). The Prophet (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) was extremely pleased and asked, 'Ali! Do you possess anything to give her in Mahr?' I replied, 'Apart from a horse and an armour I possess nothing.'
The Prophet (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) said, 'A soldier must, of course, have his horse. Go and sell away your armour.'
So, Ali (Radhiallaahu Anhu) went and sold his armour to Uthmaan (Radhiallaahu Anhu) for 480 Dirham and presented it to Rasulullah (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam). Bilaal (Radhiallaahu Anhu) was ordered by the Prophet (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) to bring some perfume and a few other things and Anas (Radhiallaahu Anhu) was sent to call Abu Bakr, Uthmaan, Talhah, Zubayr with some companions from the Ansaar (Radhiallaahu Anhum).
When these men arrived and had taken their seats, the Prophet (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) recited the Khutbah (sermon) of Nikaah and gave Faatimah (Radhiallaahu Anha) in marriage to Ali (Radhiallaahu Anhu). He announced, 'Bear you all witness that I have given my daughter Faatimah in marriage to Ali for 400 Mithqaal of silver and Ali has accepted.' He then raised his head and made Dua saying, 'O Allah, create love and harmony between these two. Bless them and bestow upon them good children.' after the Nikaah, dates were distributed.
When the time came for Faatimah (Radhiallaahu Anha) to go to Ali's (Radhiallaahu Anhu) house, she was sent without any clamour, hue and cry accompanied Umm Ayman (Radhiallaahu Anhu). After the Aaisha Salaat, the Prophet (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) went to their house, took permission and entered. He asked for a basin of water, put his blessed hands into it and sprinkled it on both Ali (Radhiallaahu Anhu) and Faatimah (Radhiallaahu Anha) and made Dua for them.
The sovereign of both worlds gave his beloved daughter a silver bracelet, two Yemeni sheets, four mattresses, one blanket, one pillow, one cup, one hand-grinding mill, one bedstead, a small water skin and a leather pitcher.
In this simple fashion, the wedding of the daughter of the leader of the worlds was solemnised. In following this Sunnah method, a wedding becomes very simple and easy to fulfill.
SOME METHODS DERIVED FROM THE ABOVEMENTIONED MARRIAGE
1. The many customs as regards engagement are contrary to the Sunnah. In fact, many are against the Shariah and are regarded sins. A verbal proposal and answer is sufficient.

2. To unnecessarily delay Nikah of both the boy and the girl after having reached the age of marriage is incorrect.

3. There is nothing wrong in inviting one's close associates for the occasion of Nikah. However, no special pains should be taken in gathering the people from far off places.

4. It is appropriate that the bridegroom be a few years older than the bride.

5. If the father of the girl is an Aalim or pious and capable of performing Nikah, then he should himself solemnise the marriage.

6. It is better to give the Mahr Faatimi and one should endeavour to do so. But if one does not have the means then there is nothing wrong in giving less.

7. It is totally un-Islamic for those, who do not possess the means, to incur debts in order to have grandiose weddings.

8. It is fallacy to think that one's respect will be lost if one does not hold an extravagant wedding and invite many people. What is our respect compared to that of Rasulullah (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam)?

9. The present day practice of the intermingling of sexes is an act of sin and totally against Shariah.

10. There is nothing such as engagement parties and Medhi parties in Islam.

11. Great care must be taken as regards to Salaat on occasions of marriage by all - the bride, the bridegroom and all the participants.

12. It is un-Islamic to display the bride on stage.

13. The unnecessary expenses incurred by the bride's family in holding a feast has no basis in Shariah.

14. For the engaged couple to meet at a public gathering where the boy holds the girl's hand and slips a ring on her finger is a violation of the Qur'anic law of Hijaab.

15. It is un-Islamic for the engaged couple to meet each other and also go out together.

16. Three things should be borne in mind when giving one's daughter gifts and presents at the time of Nikah:

Presents should be given within one's means (it is not permissible to take loans, on interest for such presents);
To give necessary items;
A show should not be made of whatever is given.

17. It is Sunnat for the bridegroom's family to make Walimah.
Note: In Walimah, whatever is easily available should be fed to the people and care should be taken that the is no extravagance, show and that no debts are incurred in the process.
18. To delay Nikah after the engagement is un-Islamic.
SOME CUSTOMS
In aping Western methods sheepishly, Muslims have adopted many customs which are un-Islamic and frowned upon.
Some examples are:
* Displaying the bride on stage;

* Inviting guests for the wedding from far off places;

* Receiving guests in the hall;

* The bride's people incurring unnecessary expenses by holding a feast which has no basis in Shariah. We should remember that Walimah is the feast arranged by the bridegroom after the marriage is consummated.

* It is contrary to Sunnah (and the practice of some non-Muslim tribes in India) to wish, hope for or demand presents and gifts for the bridegroom, from the bride's people. We should always remember that our Nabi (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) did not give Ali (Radhiallaahu Anhu) anything except Dua.
Moulana M. Saleem Dhorat
Islamic Dawa Academy, England

[Lamees]

asslamo 3alaykom wa ra7matullah
well, the main problem about marriage is that girls and boys don't search for the righteous persons..
girls are looking for a man who is wealthy wealthy, handsome and wealthy..
and men r lookin for a girl who is beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful and beautiful
(at least here in the arab world)..
for example last semester an old woman came to my faculty "Engineering" and sat in the "musallah" were we pray "killing two birds with one stone" :D and started to choose the most beautiful ones and talk to them..that seemed like buying tomato!!
no matter what her character or personality was
she believed that the most important thing in her son's wife -after the good salary- was the degree of her "WHITNESS"!!

[AnonymousPoster]

asalam u alikum wa rehatulahi wa berkathu

i hope when you read this your in best of your health INSALLAH

Unfortunately i have come up with another thread regarding marriage.:exhausted

You have to have a good degree and a good job in order to get married. The girl or the guy has to be from the same race or in some cultures the same cast.Most of all the wedding ceremony i mean O M G the mehndi(henna), the wedding day and then the walima. All these haram things people dancing,free mixing and showing of the wealth, what is that?where is that in islam??All of these reasons are making guys and girls go towards haram things.We all have needs and desiers and if one doesnt fulfil them in the halal way then BAM satan comes in and say ''you know what allow the marriage you need to do this and to do that'' you know what i mean?

Where do we go now?What we do then?If our parents donot understand what are we supposed to do?I am sure i am speaking for many of the brothers and sisters out there.

There are other problems too practiciing brothers cant find practicing sister and vice versa.

lets take my example yes

i am 23yrs old i have a degree in business management(ASIAN YAAR:D) and i want to get married because i want to be away from the fitna.Dont get me wrong its not like i am desperate to get married but i will be lying if i say that i donot want to get married asap.First some of my elders tell me wait till your 27 because that is the perfect age to get married and when my parents start looking for a girl they apparently cannot seem to find a practicing muslimah i mean HELLO living in a muslim country and cannot find one what is that all about.Lets take western countries yes, practicing sisters here donot ask you anything about the deen first question is What Is Ur VISA STATUS.WHERE is that in islam??I agree that people from back home donot have the best of reputation but are all of them after your passport?I dont wana pledge my allegiance to the queen.ONE UMMAH right??Why is it so hard to fulfil the sunnah of our beloved PROPHET SAW


I have put forward my example just to give an idea of what i am trying to say.I hope every one understands it.INSALLAH

Jazak ALLAH

Do you know bro..... fitna is the way of life nowadays. You might as well commit sin consistently, you'll proabbly get more nhappiness that way. Not even joking. You will, because sinners are happier than people who pray1

[Tony]

Do you know bro..... fitna is the way of life nowadays. You might as well commit sin consistently, you'll proabbly get more nhappiness that way. Not even joking. You will, because sinners are happier than people who pray1

STOP NOW, WHAT YOUR DOING IS WRONG. iF YOU WANT HELP OR TO TALK PM ME, BUT YOU HAVE TO STOP THIS NOW ITS NOT FAIR ON OTHER MUSLIMS

[celina]

Brother leave your problems with Allah inshAllah you will find a practicising wife. There are certain nafls you can read when finding a partner, I will find out for you and let you know. I was once married to a man who had education and wealth but I had no happines, so money and wordly education is not everything. For me a guy to have a good understanding of deen, at least read his 5 prayers and good character is enough forget the money and education as long as he respects. Brother I will pray for you.

Brother Tony I agree with you.

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

Do you know bro..... fitna is the way of life nowadays. You might as well commit sin consistently, you'll proabbly get more nhappiness that way. Not even joking. You will, because sinners are happier than people who pray1

:sl:

No offense but are you trying to lead your fellow Muslim down the path of destruction? Assuming you're a Muslim and I hope that you yourself are not doing that InshaAllah..

And for the record, sinners are not happy. That happiness is temporary as compared to the life of righteousness...the only way you'd be going is down the drain, literally. It's when your heart has hardened and your eyes and hearts are sealed, that you may have no regret...that just means that shaytaan is getting the best of you...astaghfirullah.


I suggest you make sincere du'a to Allah and seek His mercy..because it's endless.


:w:

[AnonymousPoster]

Brother leave your problems with Allah inshAllah you will find a practicising wife. There are certain nafls you can read when finding a partner, I will find out for you and let you know. I was once married to a man who had education and wealth but I had no happines, so money and wordly education is not everything. For me a guy to have a good understanding of deen, at least read his 5 prayers and good character is enough forget the money and education as long as he respects. Brother I will pray for you.

Brother Tony I agree with you.

Could you please share those nafl namaaz details?? Jazakallah.

[celina]

Could you please share those nafl namaaz details?? Jazakallah.

They are nafl Hajet I read them after Isha namaaz, their is also a dua which is also called dua e hajet I read it once after namaaz. These are neccessairly for a good spouse but any dua you have in your heart. Hope this helps you, they have alhomdoliAllah helped me..praise to be Allah.

[Abdu-l-Majeed]

asslamo 3alaykom wa ra7matullah
well, the main problem about marriage is that girls and boys don't search for the righteous persons..
girls are looking for a man who is wealthy wealthy, handsome and wealthy..
and men r lookin for a girl who is beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful and beautiful
(at least here in the arab world)..

Wa alaykumus-Salam wa rahmatullah!

So true, ukhtee. And at least here (Bosnia) the problems seems to be a lot the same. Some people don't realize it's not wrong looking for a good looking "hubby" or "wifey" but this deen comes first, and it's better in dunya and akhirah as well.

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

Not all do that. People like myself are more concerned about deen...

[convert]

Not all do that. People like myself are more concerned about deen...

want to tell me where such sisters are hiding?

[S_87]

THREE C'S CAR,CASH,CREDIT CARD

two of those Cs i dont like and im female :?

Cars are a male thing too btw...

[Abdu-l-Majeed]

Not all do that. People like myself are more concerned about deen...

That's true, my mistake in the post, I'm sorry...

[- IqRa -]

Just rely on Allaah, leave it up to Allaah, everything will happen for the best.

[noorseeker]

I know its written for us to get married, but do we just sit at home waiting for something to happen,or wait for proposal to come, as is a lot of sisters case.

Or is it like a job, where you habe to get off your behind and find it.

[celina]

Not all do that. People like myself are more concerned about deen...

Me too sister I am concerned about deen and good character which should come along with the deen.

Brother Convert I hope you don't get offended but why don't you try to find a practising sis as a future wife through this forum Im sure there are many good Muslim sisters who may want to get married. I am sure every one wants to marry a good Muslim , marriage is the sunnah of the prophet (peace and blessings be upon them)

[noorseeker]

Another thought , when inshallah we get a spouse, will we thank Allah swt for giving us a spouse, will we put the same effort in Asking Allah swt , the tears the lonliness, the pining in every dua. as we will in thanking Allah swt.

The ayat when allah swt rescues you from the storm comes to mind

[convert]

I know its written for us to get married, but do we just sit at home waiting for something to happen,or wait for proposal to come, as is a lot of sisters case.

Or is it like a job, where you habe to get off your behind and find it.

I'm expecting overtime pay.

Me too sister I am concerned about deen and good character which should come along with the deen.

Brother Convert I hope you don't get offended but why don't you try to find a practising sis as a future wife through this forum Im sure there are many good Muslim sisters who may want to get married. I hope no one gets married, marriage is the sunnah of the prophet (peace and blessings be upon them)

Well, there are a lot of unknowns here. Such as:

- how will I find out about the sister?
- how will the sister find out about me?
- who will make sure thinks are done islamically (i.e. through a wali and not just chit-chat)?

[noorseeker]

Me too sister I am concerned about deen and good character which should come along with the deen.

Brother Convert I hope you don't get offended but why don't you try to find a practising sis as a future wife through this forum Im sure there are many good Muslim sisters who may want to get married. I hope no one gets married, marriage is the sunnah of the prophet (peace and blessings be upon them)

Thats the thing , we are not allowed or theres is no way for us to find a spouse on this forum,

Thats brings the question, can you feel attracted to a person on a forum through their posts that they write.

[S_87]

^^you could ask through a brother or sister you think is 'trustworthy' enough to help in a respectable manner :?

[celina]

Thats the thing , we are not allowed or theres is no way for us to find a spouse on this forum,

Thats brings the question, can you feel attracted to a person on a forum through their posts that they write.

Aslam brother,

Very good question, as most good practising muslim girls look for deen and good manners etc, then thats all that matters. As long as shaitaanee talk and them kind of conversations don't take place then it should be ok. Im not sure if its not allowed I don't want to get in any trouble. I think people can get attracted through posts once again its about how they talk about deen personally thats what matters to me.

[celina]

^^you could ask through a brother or sister you think is 'trustworthy' enough to help in a respectable manner :?

Yes a third should always be involved.

[celina]

I agree brother convert, but if you do it in the right way i.e private message just ask general stuff and then do istikhara, I hope I don't get in trouble about this. Things can be done islamically if a third person is involved a trustworthy person who maybe can exchange information for you.

[convert]

Lets put it this way: all the above has to be in place and the sister has to be reasonably close to me. I just do not see it as a viable option.

[Abdu-l-Majeed]

I know its written for us to get married, but do we just sit at home waiting for something to happen,or wait for proposal to come, as is a lot of sisters case.

Or is it like a job, where you habe to get off your behind and find it.

Actually, it's more usual that a brother proposes to a sister. :-)

[celina]

Brother Convert I understand what you mean, I only said because you once mentioned that you have no one to help you and family and community. Personally I think you can get to know a person as long as there is no haraam talk etc. If things progress you can meet up but not alone meaning you can bring a trustworthy person with you and she can bring a family member. Brother you have to start somewhere I am just trying to help you.

[convert]

i appreciate it, i just dont think it would work for me

[Grofica]

The girl or the guy has to be from the same race or in some cultures the same cast.

This is not really true... My husband and I are not that same race nor sam culture... we were not even born of the same contentient... I know many people in inter-racial and international marriages...

Most of all the wedding ceremony i mean O M G the mehndi(henna), the wedding day and then the walima. All these haram things people dancing,free mixing and showing of the wealth, what is that?where is that in islam??All of these reasons are making guys and girls go towards haram things.We all have needs and desiers and if one doesnt fulfil them in the halal way then BAM satan comes in and say ''you know what allow the marriage you need to do this and to do that'' you know what i mean?

Not really... I mean it depends on what you want to do for the wedding. and how "modern" you want it to be... I mean my hubby and I had only very close family there and 2-3 friends. then the Magistrate (of course) and a translator. it was very informal and held at my favorite restaurant... So there was not really any mixing... everyone there was married except for 1 friend who lived next door for my hubby's entire life... (which might as well be family)

There are other problems too practiciing brothers cant find practicing sister and vice versa.

just depends on where your looking...

lets take my example yes

i am 23yrs old i have a degree in business management(ASIAN YAAR:D) and i want to get married because i want to be away from the fitna.Dont get me wrong its not like i am desperate to get married but i will be lying if i say that i donot want to get married asap.First some of my elders tell me wait till your 27 because that is the perfect age to get married and when my parents start looking for a girl they apparently cannot seem to find a practicing muslimah i mean HELLO living in a muslim country and cannot find one what is that all about.Lets take western countries yes, practicing sisters here donot ask you anything about the deen first question is What Is Ur VISA STATUS.WHERE is that in islam??I agree that people from back home donot have the best of reputation but are all of them after your passport?I dont wana pledge my allegiance to the queen.ONE UMMAH right??Why is it so hard to fulfil the sunnah of our beloved PROPHET SAW

There is an old saying.... if you look for love you wont find it... Your 23!!! And i know you want to get married but study, find a hobby, do something you like and you will find someone who is more like you... Its not something i advertise but i married young and it was a horrid mistake... In sooooo many ways... I regret it with every fiber of my being... but then one day i met my darling soul mate... and that was it... i am not saying its easy but trust me... after meeting my husband i know it would have been worth the wait. he is my whole world... why settle for someone to call wife... when you can wait to find your soul mate... trust me there is a huge difference. :statisfie

[Ar-RaYYan]

I know its written for us to get married, but do we just sit at home waiting for something to happen,or wait for proposal to come, as is a lot of sisters case.

Or is it like a job, where you habe to get off your behind and find it.

I think the latter option is more effective and much quicker for both genders

[celina]

i appreciate it, i just dont think it would work for me

All the best anyway, pray you find someone righteous.

[touba]

Assalamou alaikoum ,

Brother convert you are still young find a job first and when you are ready there are millions muslim girls worldwide to get marry with and there are so many muslim marriage websites so dont worry and allah give you the best inshallah.

your sister in islam,

btissam

[convert]

Assalamou alaikoum ,

Brother convert you are still young find a job first and when you are ready there are millions muslim girls worldwide to get marry with and there are so many muslim marriage websites so dont worry and allah give you the best inshallah.

your sister in islam,

btissam

I have graduated university, have a very well-paying job, am probably 5-10 years older than most of you, and have plenty of money saved up to start a family. I'm not too keen on the online thing though.

[touba]

I have graduated university, have a very well-paying job, am probably 5-10 years older than most of you, and have plenty of money saved up to start a family. I'm not too keen on the online thing though.

Pm me and i can help you inshallah

[celina]

Aslam in response to brother convert.

I really pray that you find a good spouse, my mum has helped many people get married some whom just have approached her, she does it out of swaab and deen work. Maybe you have someone like this in the community. If you need help let me know.

[3isha]

good discussion,
Nowadays, it is must easier to do haraam (girl friend, boy friend, fitnah etc) than to do something halaal (getting married).:'(
Guys are expected to get married at about 26+, but i think its better if they marry at about 19, lol

May Allah save us from all kinds of fitnah and fulfil our desires in the best, pleasing way possible.

[celina]

good discussion,
Nowadays, it is must easier to do haraam (girl friend, boy friend, fitnah etc) than to do something halaal (getting married).:'(
Guys are expected to get married at about 26+, but i think its better if they marry at about 19, lol

May Allah save us from all kinds of fitnah and fulfil our desires in the best, pleasing way possible.

Totally agree, marriage stops you from a lot of haraam things, marriage is also half of a person's imaan, this just emphasises on the significance of marriage.

[convert]

Aslam in response to brother convert.

I really pray that you find a good spouse, my mum has helped many people get married some whom just have approached her, she does it out of swaab and deen work. Maybe you have someone like this in the community. If you need help let me know.

wa alaikum as-salaam

no, i know of no such person in my community. i tried asking around about 4-5 months ago but was told in no uncertain terms that nobody would marry their daughter off to a white convert here. kinda ticked me off actually.

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

^^SubhanAllah brother, that's horrible. People are so lame...:/

[convert]

meh, i'll live.

[celina]

wa alaikum as-salaam

no, i know of no such person in my community. i tried asking around about 4-5 months ago but was told in no uncertain terms that nobody would marry their daughter off to a white convert here. kinda ticked me off actually.

Brother that is so sad, if you live in the UK then I could help you because I might know some practising muslim sisters who are willing to marry someone like yourself.

[convert]

nope, not in the uk.

[celina]

nope, not in the uk.

Brother you are out of options really unless you move areas or that if a awarness campaign is carried out in the place where you live, where people are educated about issues like this . My sisters best friend is married to a covert they have had a happy marriage mashAllah. Allah will help you InshAllah.

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

You live in the US brother, I suppose? There are plenty of revert sisters here too...have you tried finding a revert sister? I know of some revert sisters myself.

[convert]

You live in the US brother, I suppose? There are plenty of revert sisters here too...have you tried finding a revert sister? I know of some revert sisters myself.

yeah. the problem here is that while i know some families in the community, i am really not a part of the community. its mostly just chitchat in the masjid and nothing really outside of that. basically, i dont know anybody who could introduce me to any sisters or anything. do you understand me?

i dont know too many muslims my age (mid to late 20s) as there is a large gap in attendance in my masjid. basically there are 2 or 3 teenagers, me, and uncles 40+ who go to the masjid. i know a couple guys from before i became muslim but they dont live in the same town as i do and i dont get to see them that often

[celina]

yeah. the problem here is that while i know some families in the community, i am really not a part of the community. its mostly just chitchat in the masjid and nothing really outside of that. basically, i dont know anybody who could introduce me to any sisters or anything. do you understand me?

i dont know too many muslims my age (mid to late 20s) as there is a large gap in attendance in my masjid. basically there are 2 or 3 teenagers, me, and uncles 40+ who go to the masjid. i know a couple guys from before i became muslim but they dont live in the same town as i do and i dont get to see them that often

Maybe you could give a speech at the local mosque, talk about the sunnah of marriage and then maybe ask the imaam if he could talk to someone Im sure the local imaam will help you.

[convert]

Maybe you could give a speech at the local mosque, talk about the sunnah of marriage and then maybe ask the imaam if he could talk to someone Im sure the local imaam will help you.

i kinda have too much pride to do something like that but thanks for the suggestion

[aadil77]

Bruv nothin to do with pride in talkin to the imam, plenty of people do it when looking for spouses, here in uk some masjids have imams running matrimonial services.

InshAllah you will find a good spouse, maybe a white convert sister?

btw where do you live?

[celina]

i kinda have too much pride to do something like that but thanks for the suggestion

Brother don't get offended but seems to me that you are set in your own ways, in this day and age no one is going to come and give their daughters hand to you with out you making a any attempts. Don't let your pride get in the way, I have noticed however that there are lot of muslim brothers who have a lot of pride but it really gets them no where.

My cousin is 24 and really wants to get married he wants a girl to propose to him, second she has to be extremely good looking, certain age, heigh, colour and a perfect personality I have told him to lower his standards and look for good character.This just shows that the more picky we are the more we got to worry,( this is not directed to you ) but at the same time searching for a life partner isnt easy. Leave it to Allah he will make a way for you.

[celina]

Bruv nothin to do with pride in talkin to the imam, plenty of people do it when looking for spouses, here in uk some masjids have imams running matrimonial services.

InshAllah you will find a good spouse, maybe a white convert sister?

btw where do you live?

Glad you said that brother!

[convert]

Bruv nothin to do with pride in talkin to the imam, plenty of people do it when looking for spouses, here in uk some masjids have imams running matrimonial services.

InshAllah you will find a good spouse, maybe a white convert sister?

btw where do you live?

its not about talking to the imam. like i said, i tried that route 4-5 months ago and was rebuffed. i do not know about those matrimonial services either. i mean, i want to get married but i also want to do in islamically and those things don't seem even the slightest but islamic. besides, my masjid doesnt do anything like that.

i live in the us

like i stated earlier, i do not know any convert sisters or any sisters really for that matter. i dont feel comfortable approaching someone in hijab on the street and saying "do you want to marry me?"

Brother don't get offended but seems to me that you are set in your own ways, in this day and age no one is going to come and give their daughters hand to you with out you making a any attempts. Don't let your pride get in the way, I have noticed however that there are lot of muslim brothers who have a lot of pride but it really gets them no where.

My cousin is 24 and really wants to get married he wants a girl to propose to him, second she has to be extremely good looking, certain age, heigh, colour and a perfect personality I have told him to lower his standards and look for good character.This just shows that the more picky we are the more we got to worry,( this is not directed to you ) but at the same time searching for a life partner isnt easy. Leave it to Allah he will make a way for you.

i dont take offense. i dont see how i am set in my ways though. i dont know anybody to "make an attempt" with and when i try i get told that white guys aren't good enough to marry their daughters.

the thing is, im not overly picky. i have no choice but to have tawakkul but i cant sit here and say that its not frustrating to the point of madness either.

[celina]

Brother I can't help but feel sorry for you, people are ignorant, can't believe they don't do things like that in the US. In comparison the UK is a lot better loads of marriages (done in islamically) take place here. It must be frustrating, don't worry something will happen InshAllah..

[aadil77]

matrimonial services as in the masjid not online, whats so unislamic about that?, but do keep asking imams because they will have personal contacts and will be able to ask around for you, they should also understand your situation and the islamic perspective, probably the most islamic way for anyone.

[convert]

this thread was a bad idea. as-salaamu alaikum.:heated:

[Ansariyah]

wa alaikum as-salaam

no, i know of no such person in my community. i tried asking around about 4-5 months ago but was told in no uncertain terms that nobody would marry their daughter off to a white convert here. kinda ticked me off actually.

From wat ive seen white revert bros go quicker off the shelves than oreos. They seem to be in high demand.

u need to expand ur horizon?

Why do u only want a convert?

cause I heard born'muslims want converts, converts want born'muslims. This is quite new.

[convert]

From wat ive seen white revert bros go quicker off the shelves than oreos. They seem to be in high demand.

u need to expand ur horizon?

Why do u only want a convert?

cause I heard born'muslims want converts, converts want born'muslims. This is quite new.

from what ive seen, white convert brothers dont get married at all, with the rare exception of 2 brothers i know.i dont only want a convert or only want someone born into a muslim family. my preference is someone from a muslim family because it would help make me a part of the community but that is really just a side issue and not something i would base a proposal on.

like i said. its frustrating and the more i talk to people outside my area, it seems its just my area that is backwards. i cant move so i dont know what to do besides just have tawakkul and be frustrated.

[Ansariyah]

from what ive seen, white convert brothers dont get married at all, with the rare exception of 2 brothers i know.i dont only want a convert or only want someone born into a muslim family. my preference is someone from a muslim family because it would help make me a part of the community but that is really just a side issue and not something i would base a proposal on.

like i said. its frustrating and the more i talk to people outside my area, it seems its just my area that is backwards. i cant move so i dont know what to do besides just have tawakkul and be frustrated.

are u from a small town? Do u go to talks, Islamic lectures in other bigger cities?

I think the more out'going u are, *Islamic lectures, frequent mosque attender, the bigger ur friends circle is the more likely u are to meet someone. I think sometimes converts isolate themselves, which can be hard for them, but once they come out to the open everyone wants 1. MashaAllah.

Stay positive, I wudnt be surprised if there is one sista who feels the way u do n resides near u.

[convert]

are u from a small town? Do u go to talks, Islamic lectures in other bigger cities?

I think the more out'going u are, *Islamic lectures, frequent mosque attender, the bigger ur friends circle is the more likely u are to meet someone. I think sometimes converts isolate themselves, which can be hard for them, but once they come out to the open everyone wants 1. MashaAllah.

Stay positive, I wudnt be surprised if there is one sista who feels the way u do n resides near u.

no, im not from a small town. im from one of the bigger cities in the us. i attend all salawat in the masjid except for dhuhr at work. i attend everything i hear of in the area as well. people from other communities (45+ minutes away) seem to know me just as well, if not better than my masjid.

converts do get very isolated. some of it is their fault but a lot of it is muslims just not opening up. i mean, i can be friendly and outgoing until the cows come home but when people dont really talk back, what can you do?

and yes, i wish i had more muslim friends but when nobody wants to invite me to anything or have a conversation other than "assalaamu alaikum, kayfa halek, alhamdulillah" what can i do?

frustration to no end. some people wouldnt realize it until theyve lived it which is why its so hard to get the point across to others what its like.

[Ansariyah]

no, im not from a small town. im from one of the bigger cities in the us. i attend all salawat in the masjid except for dhuhr at work. i attend everything i hear of in the area as well. people from other communities (45+ minutes away) seem to know me just as well, if not better than my masjid.

converts do get very isolated. some of it is their fault but a lot of it is muslims just not opening up. i mean, i can be friendly and outgoing until the cows come home but when people dont really talk back, what can you do?

and yes, i wish i had more muslim friends but when nobody wants to invite me to anything or have a conversation other than "assalaamu alaikum, kayfa halek, alhamdulillah" what can i do?

frustration to no end. some people wouldnt realize it until theyve lived it which is why its so hard to get the point across to others what its like.

It looks to me as tho ur in a up'tight community there.

I think its important that u find bros close to ur age, as its easier to talk to someone u can relate to. Nowadays most of us have become dunya'chasers that we don't even want to carry out a normal convo wit our muslim bros/sis'as. Some people jst come to the mosque to pray, then off chasin dunya. Everyone is busy busy! 'asalamalaikum followed up wit bye.

I think u are some'wat shy am I right? Most shy people wait for someone to come up to them. There's nothing wrong wit being shy, but looking friendly is important. Rasululah (saw) was a peoples person, he would voice his opinion, be gentle, be strong, kind. Help people. Sometimes we need to speak, if we dont speak people will not see us lol. Through speaking, we get to know each other. I know some of the stuff im saying is so random, but they're important as well.:hiding:

In our mosque we have a muslima youth programe. Every now n then we discuss issues, among those issues is spotting the shy muslim who sits at the corner, going up to her, engage in talks wit her. Smile, try to introduce urself. These are matters which are fundemental issues that are often neglected. We are working on it Alhamdulilah.

I think bros shud do something like that as well, as it helps.

Some mosques run many programs, from islamic education, to sports, youth programs. Even hadeeth/Quraan sessions after prayers.

nuff of my ramblingz, my apologies if i'm of no help.

[celina]

this thread was a bad idea. as-salaamu alaikum.:heated:

I don't think this thread is a bad idea, infact it might help other people to. Here in the UK reverts/converts are quite popular amongst the muslim community, they are very devoted to Islam and a lot of muslims see them as an insipiration. Next week im going to attend a talk where one of the guest speakers is a revert and im tagging along my teenage brother who is not so practising, so that he might learn and InshAllah become a better muslim. Brother people are just trying to help you and maybe through this others might be helped ameen..:statisfie

[convert]

It looks to me as tho ur in a up'tight community there.

I think its important that u find bros close to ur age, as its easier to talk to someone u can relate to. Nowadays most of us have become dunya'chasers that we don't even want to carry out a normal convo wit our muslim bros/sis'as. Some people jst come to the mosque to pray, then off chasin dunya. Everyone is busy busy! 'asalamalaikum followed up wit bye.

I think u are some'wat shy am I right? Most shy people wait for someone to come up to them. There's nothing wrong wit being shy, but looking friendly is important. Rasululah (saw) was a peoples person, he would voice his opinion, be gentle, be strong, kind. Help people. Sometimes we need to speak, if we dont speak people will not see us lol. Through speaking, we get to know each other. I know some of the stuff im saying is so random, but they're important as well.:hiding:

In our mosque we have a muslima youth programe. Every now n then we discuss issues, among those issues is spotting the shy muslim who sits at the corner, going up to her, engage in talks wit her. Smile, try to introduce urself. These are matters which are fundemental issues that are often neglected. We are working on it Alhamdulilah.

I think bros shud do something like that as well, as it helps.

Some mosques run many programs, from islamic education, to sports, youth programs. Even hadeeth/Quraan sessions after prayers.

nuff of my ramblingz, my apologies if i'm of no help.

to some extent i am shy but i can and do try to speak with people. i will call brothers on the weekends when i am free but it seems nobody ever has time for me so i usually just spend my time in the gym, reading, or at an event somewhere.

there are no such programs in my masjid. i am very dissatisfied with my masjid to be honest. an instance: when i first became muslim, my masjid had a program to "teach people to read Quran"; it was tajweed but they didn't say that. i thought "hey maybe they can help me learn to read Arabic." i asked one of the speakers if there was a prerequisite and i was rather rudely shot down in front of all the brothers and basically belittled because i couldn't read it. i stopped going to the masjid other than jumaa for like 6 months because of that but i snapped out of it and have been steady in attendance for 2 years now.

i appreciate everyones' suggestions. it helps for me to vent sometimes but it can also lead to greater frustrations on my part because i just focus on it like the whole world is against me when i know that isn't the case and there are brothers that care for me in the community. its just lonely at times and the islamic process of trying to get married is embarrassing and humiliating to me and that doesn't help me.

[nebula]

^ mashallah thats a good youth program your mosque has.

Getting married is hard in this day and age, harder then it should be, do Dua to Allah, thats the best we can do and have sabr!

But our spouses won't fall from the sky lol :cry: we gotta work abit.

[celina]

^ mashallah thats a good youth program your mosque has.

Getting married is hard in this day and age, harder then it should be, do Dua to Allah, thats the best we can do and have sabr!

But our spouses won't fall from the sky lol :cry: we gotta work abit.

Thats what I mean:statisfie

[Ansariyah]

[QUOTE=convert;1197418]

to some extent i am shy but i can and do try to speak with people. i will call brothers on the weekends when i am free but it seems nobody ever has time for me so i usually just spend my time in the gym, reading, or at an event somewhere.

MashaAllah, don't give up. Make new friends as well, as the ones u got now seem to be busy most of the time.

there are no such programs in my masjid. i am very dissatisfied with my masjid to be honest. an instance: when i first became muslim, my masjid had a program to "teach people to read Quran"; it was tajweed but they didn't say that. i thought "hey maybe they can help me learn to read Arabic." i asked one of the speakers if there was a prerequisite and i was rather rudely shot down in front of all the brothers and basically belittled because i couldn't read it. i stopped going to the masjid other than jumaa for like 6 months because of that but i snapped out of it and have been steady in attendance for 2 years now.

That's so wrong! Where's the adaab? SubhanaAllah but u remained patient Allah will reward u for that. People like that shudnt be leaders of mosques..imsad

i appreciate everyones' suggestions. it helps for me to vent sometimes but it can also lead to greater frustrations on my part because i just focus on it like the whole world is against me when i know that isn't the case and there are brothers that care for me in the community. its just lonely at times and the islamic process of trying to get married is embarrassing and humiliating to me and that doesn't help me.

The whole world isnt against u bro. Allah guided u towards this beautiful deen, which is perfect. But sadly the muslims aren't. Everything goes according to qadr, wateva Allah has ordained will happen. Allah has blessed u so much, stay grateful & Plenty of duas. inshaAllah.