How Do I Toughen Up, I'm Too Emotional

[AnonymousPoster]

Salaam. Any advice on how to toughen up mentally? I do not know why but whenever i think or talk to someone i feel emotional. I have a sinking feeling inside of me and feel as if everyone is against me when they are not. Its very hard to describe it.

I do not know whats going on in my head because at this moment in time i cannot handle anything. I always get these thoughts in my head of when i was in my younger days when i was subjected to violence.

I don't know how to find a cure to this problem as i feel my past experience has ultimately led to my downfall. Its only now, i am starting to feel the pain emotionally and its killing me.

Some days i feel good and some days i feel rubbish. It comes to a point here i cant face anyone. I dunno what on earth is going on :(

Can these kind of experience really come back to haunt a person? O Allah SWT please help me :(

[index123]

There is nothing wrong with being emotional it shows you are a nice person. I'm as hard as a rock I don't feel for nothing not even myself anymore, I would be happy if I was an emotional person. I know a way to get rid of it, I have tried and tested it, its also an established scientific fact but it has high health risks... I would suggest you keep your emotional-ness its a blessing. As for those experiences they will pass like the breeze, don't worry about it you just a sensitive person, and they have had a bad effect on your mind.

[mathematician]

salamu 'alaykum,
2 things will make toughen you up.
(1) Experiences. No worries about this. Allah will give you many experiences to make you grow strong.
(2) Age. The older you get the tougher you will be insha'Allah.

[celina]

Experience defineltly and strong imaan,

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[Mysterious Uk]

Salaam.
I do not know whats going on in my head because at this moment in time i cannot handle anything. I always get these thoughts in my head of when i was in my younger days when i was subjected to violence.

I don't know how to find a cure to this problem as i feel my past experience has ultimately led to my downfall.

Have you talked to anyone about this? If you havn't gotten over it then maybe talk to someone about it, as it could be the root problem.

[AnonymousPoster]

Have you talked to anyone about this? If you havn't gotten over it then maybe talk to someone about it, as it could be the root problem.

Salaam, Thank you all for the replies. Much appreciated

Mysterious UK, No i haven't talked to anyone and you are probably right, It may be the root cause.

If i see someone treating someone else badly, I know i can relate to it and know exactly what the individual is going through hence i feel emotional. Such incidents brings back old memories and the worst thing is...those closest to me made me feel like this. That hurts the most.

One thing i take from my experience is, I will never treat anyone the same way i was treated regardless of what minor wrongdoing they may have done...

[Muhaba]

you may need to see a psychologist or counselor for this as this is related to your past bad experience. If it weren't related to the past, you could've overcome it by getting into the situation that causes it, like talking to other ppl. Slowly that would help you overcome it and you'd get used to the situation.

You can still try it. go on and meet others and talk about some topic. Don't get upset when you get emotional, just try this over and over again. think of it as an exercise. If you improve, that's fine. But if not, then go see a psychologist who will help you deal with your past problems.

Also, before getting into a conversation, do lots of zikr which will help you remain calm.

[Mysterious Uk]

Salaam, Thank you all for the replies. Much appreciated

Mysterious UK, No i haven't talked to anyone and you are probably right, It may be the root cause.

If i see someone treating someone else badly, I know i can relate to it and know exactly what the individual is going through hence i feel emotional. Such incidents brings back old memories and the worst thing is...those closest to me made me feel like this. That hurts the most.

One thing i take from my experience is, I will never treat anyone the same way i was treated regardless of what minor wrongdoing they may have done...

I know what you're going through, and i don't think those feelings will ever go away, you can't forget the bad things that happen to you and if you see violence it is bound to trigger bad memories.

Either way, it is good to deal with what ever happened in the past so you can get some closure and move on.

Take care.

[Faye]

I am too hard most of the time. I'd like to be more emotional.

You could think of your emotional sensitivity as a gift. You would not always be hurting people's feelings by being too dumb or callus to sympathize with them.

If you think you have a serious problem than you might consider talking to a psychologist.

[GuestFellow]

Assalamu Alikum

There is nothing wrong with being emotional. If this is getting involved in your daily activities, then I would seek help. Every bad experience I have, I try to find something good that occurs out of it. If you can deal with these experiences, then you do actually become quite a strong individual who can cope with many daily activities which many others would not be able to do so because they have not been exposed to these harmful/upsetting experiences.

I wouldn't worry too much. Try to relax. I see life very simplistically at times and it helps me to relax.

See a counsellor or a GP if you are unable to cope with daily activities. They will be able to help you. As long as you try to use these experiences to your advantage, then you will feel better.

[Eric H]

Greetings and peace be with you AnonymousGender; I am so sorry to hear about your suffering.

I know a lady who was abused by her father when she was a child, and she still has almost daily nightmares about the abuse thirty years after. Justice will never happen for her, and she becomes very angry with people around her, because she cannot get justice.

In a way her father still controls her mind, even though she has not seen him for thirty years, but still he controls her thoughts at night.

If i see someone treating someone else badly, I know i can relate to it

In order to help yourself, you have to help other people, and that will help you to heal. Do some voluntary work for Victim Support, or some other similar charity. I know some remarkable people who have suffered greatly in their life, and they find some kind of peace by helping others.

Trust in God, you are a very special person, and God does not want to see you suffer.

In the spirit of praying for an inner peace that surpasses all understanding

Eric

[transition?]

:sl:

Why did this happen to you? Why do you feel like that? Where you do find strength?

Sensitivity is usually an indication you have a soft heart. I advise you to discuss with other (preferably Muslims) people, to help support you but also turn to Allah (swt) for help and strength.
Everything has a purpose. Every heart has a hardship. Is there any soul that isn't burdened by hardship? Difficulties keep our hearts soft. Soft hearts are filled with faith, lack pride, recognize their own weakness and Allah (swt) Greatness and seek Help from Allah (swt), what is worship but turning to your Lord in times of difficulty and happiness?

Volume 7, Book 70, Number 545:
Narrated Abu Sa'id Al-Khudri and Abu Huraira:

The Prophet said, "No fatigue, nor disease, nor sorrow, nor sadness, nor hurt, nor distress befalls a Muslim, even if it were the prick he receives from a thorn, but that Allah expiates some of his sins for that."


Narrated Abu Huraira:

Allah's Apostle said, "If Allah wants to do good to somebody, He afflicts him with trials."

You don't have a weak heart, you have a soft heart. The difference is only that the soft hearts turns to Allah (swt) for Help. We Seek Refuge in Allah (swt). We are weak, only slaves of Allah (swt).

Oh akhi/ukthi, something has happened to everybody. But our difficulties only Prepare us.

Prophet Yusuf (als) was put in years of fitna day after day with the temptations of his master's wife during his time as a slave. Allah (swt) Prepared him, even though it was slavery, He put Yusuf (als) in the house of the Aziz (kinda like the Prime minister and Treasurer). What did Yusuf (als) become eventually? an official of the government. Allah (swt) is the Best Planner. Not only was Allah (swt) Preparing Yusuf (als) through an indirect education, but He tested Yusuf (als) with fitna of his master's wife who tried to seduce him. Year after year, Yusuf (als) lived around fitna.
When the wife of the Aziz tried to seduce Yusuf (als) what did Yusuf (als) say? >>> "I seek refuge in Allah." Why? Because he recognized his own weakness and the Greatness of Allah (swt) in such a time of temptation and difficulty.

In his story, Allah (swt) gives Yusuf not only worldly wisdom but faith. With Islam, Allah (swt) allows us to succeed in the this life on Earth and in the Hereafter. We are invited to Islam, to turn to Allah (swt). So Glorify him in Prayer. Hayah as Salah , come to prayer! Hayah al Falah, come to Success! So Praise and Turn to Allah (swt), Sustainer of the Universe, the Best Helper and the Best Planner. He is the Almighty, so ask to Him in your du'as. Oh Allah, increase me in faith, Oh Allah increase me in strength, Oh Allah, increase in me knowledge.

[MMohammed]

Being Emotional is a great thing.And for toughening up, you have to keep a solid faith and ask Allah for removing fear in your heart and talk with everyone gently.Be attentive and Gentle.Ask Allah and you will be.
JazakAllah.

[Khalil_Allah]

there should be a good balance between being tough and being soft (or emotional). You don't want to be an egg either (tough on outside but goo on inside). It sounds to me like you are, in fact, too soft, and this is not a good thing.

This incident you mentioned may very well be the source of your issue. Like all things from the past, we must learn to take what is best from them and leave the pain behind. It is easier said than done, however, and it may require you to sit down and work through the problem with someone who can help you work through the pain.

A lot of times you've got to just find forgiveness within you for someone who wronged you in the past. You've got to find some way to come up with an excuse for that person. Bring that person back in your mind as a human who made a mistake. Forgive that person in your heart.

Then all you have to do is keep positive and let go of the pain of the past. Maybe you are walking around with all of this pain and anger in your heart and it prevents you from dealing normally with others. When someone is critical of you or fails to meet your expectations, it rocks your soul in a way that is hard to comprehend, maybe.

When you let everything go and forgive those who wronged you, only then you can look forward with a new, positive outlook. Allah swt didn't give you anything that you can't handle. And if you overcome this challenging test with the best of intentions and manners, then inshaAllah you can become the person you want to be.

I speak to myself too, because I still carry some pains and frustrations from those who have wronged me in the past, and it affects my relationships sometimes. May Allah ease our pains and make us just with everyone and everyone just with us.

[Adil_Islam]

Be a Lion in the Street and a Cat in the House!!!

[Tony]

op, go get some counselling, if it is something surfacing better to deal with it than bury it untill later when it is bigger and out of control. May Allah guide you, Ameen

[AnonymousPoster]

Thank you for the advice brothers and sisters. May Allah SWT help us all

[MMohammed]

Aameen.

[Sister_22013]

Asalamualaikum

I know EXACTLY how you feel, I got a little choked up reading this. I'm too emotional too, sometimes I can't talk about certain subjects with people because I feel like crying, do you feel this way?

Can you talk about it to family or something? Trust me, letting someone else know really helps. Other than that, just make dua.

A soft heart is good, but I think I know what you are talking about, and this overemotionalness is just overkill.

Are you worried about all the different responsibilities that lie ahead and you don't want them? I advise that you don't spend so much time alone on computer (if you do this), go talk to family members, help out with housework, hang out with friends, interact otherwise being all alone will make it worse.