Love Dillemma

[ayn22]

Salamoalaykum, I am a muslim convert. For the past 4 years alhamdullah, I have been learning Islam and struggling as a new muslim. At work there is a muslim gentleman who I have become particularly fond of, my modesty and shyness causes me to not even look at him more than what is necessary during work and to just as seldom speak to him. Yet, in these past weeks I have known him I have fell deeply in love with him, I found out his attends an Islamic university overseas and has memorized the entire Quran. His manners are immaculate. I love him so much and wish to pursue a relationship, however, it must be purely Islamic. I am afraid that my shyness and extreme modesty has made him think that I do not like him. After we greet eachother I do all that is possible to either turn my back and avoid him because of my shyness. How can I send him the right message without it being 1) haram and 2) culturally wrong (he is egyptian) or 3) strange.

[Tony]

Alhamdulillah, I dont know the answer but may Allah guide to the right outcome, Ameen.

[alcurad]

ok, given my great knowledge and experience in matters of the heart-yeah right? right.-i'll give you three options, each if you follow will lead to a different outcome, all will help, ok ready?

1. talk to him.

2. talk to him.

3. there is no third, Simply go & talk to him.

yes, you're maybe shy and are having butterflies in the stomach, but given his bachelor status-he is unmarried, yes?- he won't be unhappy at all, he will in fact welcome it and feel flattered, believe me, egyptian or not he will-no offense to anyone,this is how the sentence formed-, as this is beyond culture.
of course you shouldn't ask for his hand right away-i can only imagine what will happen-you need to have something to talk about, something to share, to initiate the-marriage-talk. meaning, you have to exchange at least several conversations to let him feel it's ok to talk.

you need to know him a bit better, not just as a guy you work with, people put on their best manners when at work and so on, he seems nice from what you convey, but you still need to find out more about each other.

there always that great wall between strangers, but once you begin talking things will become easier. be yourself, and don't rush it, but don't wait for too long either.

can you talk to someone you know about this? a friend/relative who has more experience, one who can give support/suggestions? that would help lot too.

[glo]

I am confused.
I thought it wasn't permitted for a Muslims woman to speak privately with a man she is not directly related to.
Should ayn22 ask somebody else to be present?

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[Muslimlearner]

I am confused.
I thought it wasn't permitted for a Muslims woman to speak privately with a man she is not directly related to.
Should ayn22 ask somebody else to be present?

Of course,there is no flirts or just talks without wali or mahram :hiding:

The egyptians are open ppl(for bad or good),in their country most of the marriages are arranged,they do engagements,so they can get to know each other with a MAHRAM beside for a year or more.

I don't know what is the best in this case,may be close female friend can ask her husband to talk to him about her and a future marrige..

And is not a bad think the women to propose:Maimune (r.a.) propose to the Prophet (SAS) and a slave convey the message (if I am not wrong)

[convert]

1. love does not exist. this is infatuation. recognize this.

2. learn your deen well, especially fiqh of marriage and rights & responsibilities between husband and wife

3. lower your gaze

[ayn22]

salamoalaykum,

i understand my first post portrayed me as girl just infatuated with a boy. however, i am not just infatuated. he is an extremely responsible person who has a high position in our company and who is an extremely devoted Muslim, mashallah, alhamdulilah.

I am slightly confused here because of the many different responses. I must say that my heart tells me to speak with him. I understand that other people must be present... we are in work with other people around us, so does that still merit this type of interaction as khalwa, as us being alone?

Unfortunately, I do not know of anyone who could arrange anything between the two of us. Please keep posting. the support helps...

thanks
jazakallahukhair

[Muslimlearner]

:wa:

Do you understand sister,that this *love* can get you in the wrong path?

Did you hear the story for shaytaan and the monk?
shaytaan says:

1-st:just see,look at him/her
2.go and talk form a distance just for a min.
3.go closer and talk for a min.
4.go closer and talk for longer
5.go closer and talk all night
6.go closer,talk and tuch
7.talk and kiss
8.....
9.....

This is a trial for you sister, pray and fast and seek guidense.

[ayn22]

salamoalaykum, thank you sister, you are right. but then, how can i do this islamically? any advice?

[أبو سليمان عمر]

Asalamu Alaykum Alhumdulillah for the beauty of islam and for shairah it pervents fitnahs like this from happening if followed so with saying this

Third: Free intermixing between men and women is a serious sin. His Eminence Mufti Muhammad ibn Ibrahim (may Allah have mercy on him) issued the following fatwa in this regard. Free intermixing between men and women may take place in any of the following three cases: First: Permissible intermixing between men and women unmarriageable to each other. Second: Prohibited intermixing between men and women marriageable to each other. Third: Free intermixing between men and women unmarriageable to them in coeducational institutions, shops, offices, hospitals, parties and the like. A person may think that such intermixing does not lead the two sexes getting sexually aroused. Further elaboration of this case may be generally and thoroughly presented: - Generally speaking, the inclinations of the two sexes towards each other is an inbred characteristic of their human nature. Thus, if such intermixing occurs, the evil consequence of illicit sexual relations

( Part No : 2, Page No: 82)

may take place, for man is naturally prone to desires and pleasures. Moreover, the devil prompts human souls to commit acts of obscene and indecency to fall prey to lustful desires. - Thoroughly speaking, the Shri'ah is built upon the objectives' means. Since women are known to be the natural partners with whom men can gratify their sexual desires, the Islamic Shari`ah has blocked all avenues inviting men and women to violate the rules of legal propriety. This can be manifestly proven through the following proofs of the Book and the Sunnah: As to the textual proofs of the Qur'an, six proofs may be cited in support of this opinion: First: Allah (may He be Exalted) says, Surah Yusuf, 12: 23 And she, in whose house he was sought to seduce him (to do an evil act), and she closed the doors and said: “Come on, O you.” He said: “I seek refuge in Allâh (or Allâh forbid)! Truly, he (your husband) is my master! He made my living in a great comfort! (So I will never betray him). Verily, the Zâlimûn (wrong and evil-doers) will never be successful.” This signifies that when the wife of the Great (i.e. vizier) was alone with prophet Yusuf (Joseph (peace be upon him)), she declared her desire to have sexual relations with him. But it was Allah's mercy that saved Yusuf from yielding to her desire. Allah (Exalted be He) says:Surah Yusuf, 12: 34 So his Lord answered his invocation, and turned away from him their plot. Verily, He is the All-Hearer, the All-Knower. Thus, if men and women are given the freedom of intermixing with each other, they will do their best to win the hearts of each other in an unlawful way.

( Part No : 2, Page No: 83)

Second: Allah orders men and women to lower their gaze. Allah (may He be Exalted) says:Surah Al-Nur, 24: 30 Say the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts). That is purer for them. Verily, Allâh is Well-Acquainted with what they do... Surah Al-Nur, 24: 31 And say the believing women to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things)... These two Qur'anic verses signify that Allah orders the believing men and women to lower their gaze. The imperative mode expressed by the verb 'say' in the two verses entails the obligation that both men and women shall lower their gaze. Allah further explains that lowering the gaze is purer for them. Only an accidental glance is allowed. Al-Hakim narrated in his A-Mustadrakon the authority of `Ali (may Allah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (may peace be upon him) said to him: O `Ali, do not let a second look follow the first. The first look is allowed to you but not the second. Al-Hakim said, 'It is a Sahih (authentic) Hadith in conformity with the conditions of Muslim and both Al-Bukhari and Muslim did not record it.' In his commentary entitled at-Talkhis, Al-Dhahabi affirmed Al-Hakim judgment. Many other Hadiths are narrated to the same effect. Allah commands us to lower the gaze, for looking at foreign women is an act of Zina (adultery). According to the report of Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him), the Prophet (peace be upon him) said: The Zina (adultery) of the eye is the (lustful) look, the Zina of the ears is the listening (to voluptuous talk), the Zina of the tongue is

( Part No : 2, Page No: 84)

(the licentious) speech, the Zina of the hand is the (lustful) grip, the Zina of the feet is the walking (to the place where one intends to commit Zina)
read it in full here question number 3

Any how it has happened so my advice is to have someone that is mahram talk to him and u do not talk to him and u dont not give him signs and since this Job does have free mixing leave it for The sake of Allah we shouldnt forget who Al razaq is you have some people who will tell u to talk to him tell him we cant forget we are muslims and we have a way of life and we should try or best to live it as it should so anything that is forbidding we should leave it no matter what.

P.S THE mistake has happened and u allowed but the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There is nothing like marriage for two who love one another.” Narrated by Ibn Majaah (1847) and classed as saheeh by al-Buwaysiri and by al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah (624). but now again there is a way inshallah u understand u are not to talk to him or anyother thing as that and should leave ur job but as for him and what u should do tell a girl friend of urs who has a brother to tell him to ask ur wali for marrige or have ur marham talk to him there is no other way this should happen as far as i know
Allah knows best and may Allah help u to do what is right

[أبو سليمان عمر]

:wa:

Do you understand sister,that this *love* can get you in the wrong path?

Did you hear the story for shaytaan and the monk?
shaytaan says:

1-st:just see,look at him/her
2.go and talk form a distance just for a min.
3.go closer and talk for a min.
4.go closer and talk for longer
5.go closer and talk all night
6.go closer,talk and tuch
7.talk and kiss
8.....
9.....

This is a trial for you sister, pray and fast and seek guidense.

Baarak Allah feeki sis great advice the shaytaan will try in was to make it so u see it ok and islamic when it is clear that a women and man shouldnt talk or sit or even look at eachother. Iblis makes haram look halal so beware of iblis

[abdullah_001]

:sl:

Sis, simple solution! Just send a messenger (like a sister or a friend) to speak on your behalf. You won't have to compromise your shyness and you won't be doing anything wrong. And if the brother agrees then arrange to meet with the parents. Don't forget to pray isthikhara though.

Edit: Yes, I wanted to say parents/elders too but since the sis is a convert it hought perhaps her family might not agree hence why i said sister/friend. If possible though sis, a marriage proposal through your elders is a perfect solution like the brother below me has said.

:wa:

[peaceandlove]

Salamoalaykum, I am a muslim convert. For the past 4 years alhamdullah, I have been learning Islam and struggling as a new muslim. At work there is a muslim gentleman who I have become particularly fond of, my modesty and shyness causes me to not even look at him more than what is necessary during work and to just as seldom speak to him. Yet, in these past weeks I have known him I have fell deeply in love with him, I found out his attends an Islamic university overseas and has memorized the entire Quran. His manners are immaculate. I love him so much and wish to pursue a relationship, however, it must be purely Islamic. I am afraid that my shyness and extreme modesty has made him think that I do not like him. After we greet eachother I do all that is possible to either turn my back and avoid him because of my shyness. How can I send him the right message without it being 1) haram and 2) culturally wrong (he is egyptian) or 3) strange.

:sl: sister

Well , i can advise you to send a marriage proposal through your parents/elders/uncle etc . I think there must be some one elder who can convey your message to that man more wisely.:statisfie

[Muslimlearner]

salamoalaykum,

Unfortunately, I do not know of anyone who could arrange anything between the two of us. Please keep posting. the support helps...

A problem for almost all new muslims..

[أبو سليمان عمر]

In order for the marriage contract to be valid, there must be a wali (guardian) for the woman, but it is not permissible for a kaafir to act as the wali of a Muslim woman, and there is no difference of scholarly opinion on this point.

Ibn Qudaamah said:

As for a kaafir, he cannot be the wali of a Muslim woman under any circumstances, according to the consensus of the scholars, including Maalik, al-Shaafa’i, Abu ‘Ubayd and as-haab al-ra’y. Ibn al-Mundhir said: There is consensus on this point among all those from whom we acquired knowledge.
so if ur father brother uncle so on are not muslims then the next to be ur wali will be
the Muslim qaadi (judge) or mufti or Shaykh of an Islamic centre or imam of a mosque.
so ask them if your father uncle so on are muslim and they dont agree then there is nothing u can do for there is no marrige with out a wali's say and if u really want to and they are muslim u try to convince them in a good manner and if that dont work u have somone else speak to then such as ur brother uncle the Muslim qaadi (judge) or mufti or Shaykh of an Islamic centre or imam of a mosque.

[Ali_008]

:sl:
Sister, if you seriously want to marry this person then firstly perform Istikhara. The second step will depend on the results. If you feel you should go forward with this marriage then I'll give you an example and InshAllah that will give you an Islamic approach for this thing. Have all of us forgotten Hadhrat Khadija (RadhiAllahu Anha) and her marriage to Rasoolullah :saws:. When she was impressed by his character, she went straight ahead and asked him for marriage. And all these things lowering the gaze and not talking at all, they exist when there's no possibility of marriage and you just talk and stare at that person casually. Looking at a woman and talking to her is permissible between people who want to engaged in a wedlock. Of course, you guys can't be alone. So take your father or mother with you to talk to him. As you're a revert and it could be possible that your parents might be against it, you can go talk to him with a Muslim friend of yours or may be even your friend's parents. I've even read that it is permissible for a man to see a woman with her head uncovered before marriage, it is permissible not compulsory (before somebody gets offended).

EDIT : ^^ Bro Umar's post makes things more clear.

:w:

[convert]

i would advise the sister to first learn her deen. white convert women are a prized catch for a lot of brothers; many will jump to marry you and make it seem like they are mashaAllah to do so only they turn into thalimoon when married.

educate yourself islamically then marriage will come, inshaAllah. lower your gaze in the meanwhile.

it is true about not knowing anyone to speak on your behalf for arrangement of things though

[Muslim Woman]

:sl:

How can I send him the right message without it being 1) haram and 2) culturally wrong (he is egyptian) or 3) strange.

First offer Isthekhara prayer . If u see or feel something positive , then u can ask your family members , cousins, friends , neighbour , colleagues about it . They can ask that person . If he agrees then he can send marriage proposal to your parents or on behalf of you , one can talk to his parents.

You may also ask your local Imam .

To my knowledge , it's allowed for any Muslim to send marriage proposal to any man directly but u must be careful not to be alone with him .


Keep praying ; so that Allah bless you with a pious life partner , Ameen.

[أبو سليمان عمر]

:sl:
Sister, if you seriously want to marry this person then firstly perform Istikhara. The second step will depend on the results. If you feel you should go forward with this marriage then I'll give you an example and InshAllah that will give you an Islamic approach for this thing. Have all of us forgotten Hadhrat Khadija (RadhiAllahu Anha) and her marriage to Rasoolullah :saws:. When she was impressed by his character, she went straight ahead and asked him for marriage. And all these things lowering the gaze and not talking at all, they exist when there's no possibility of marriage and you just talk and stare at that person casually. Looking at a woman and talking to her is permissible between people who want to engaged in a wedlock. Of course, you guys can't be alone. So take your father or mother with you to talk to him. As you're a revert and it could be possible that your parents might be against it, you can go talk to him with a Muslim friend of yours or may be even your friend's parents. I've even read that it is permissible for a man to see a woman with her head uncovered before marriage, it is permissible not compulsory (before somebody gets offended).

EDIT : ^^ Bro Umar's post makes things more clear.

:w:

yes it is permissable to look at her hair and there is fatwas on this if anyone wants as for talking to him again u cant be alone and u shouldnt stare to hard Marham must be there a friend akhi is not marham as for Hadijah asking well akhi remeber he didnt get the revelation till after they were married

[abdullah_001]

:sl:
Sister, if you seriously want to marry this person then firstly perform Istikhara. The second step will depend on the results. If you feel you should go forward with this marriage then I'll give you an example and InshAllah that will give you an Islamic approach for this thing. Have all of us forgotten Hadhrat Khadija (RadhiAllahu Anha) and her marriage to Rasoolullah :saws:. When she was impressed by his character, she went straight ahead and asked him for marriage. And all these things lowering the gaze and not talking at all, they exist when there's no possibility of marriage and you just talk and stare at that person casually. Looking at a woman and talking to her is permissible between people who want to engaged in a wedlock. Of course, you guys can't be alone. So take your father or mother with you to talk to him. As you're a revert and it could be possible that your parents might be against it, you can go talk to him with a Muslim friend of yours or may be even your friend's parents. I've even read that it is permissible for a man to see a woman with her head uncovered before marriage, it is permissible not compulsory (before somebody gets offended).

EDIT : ^^ Bro Umar's post makes things more clear.

:w:

:sl:

Um, brother, forgive me for saying this but Khadija (ra) didn't directly approach the Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam). She (ra) sent her friend Nafisa bint munia and the whole incident was actually very awesome. She steers the entire situation into making the Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) propose to Khadija (ra) even though her goal was to ask the Prophets(sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) hand in marriage to Khadija (ra).

http://maniacmuslim.com/forums/index...st-love-story/

[Ali_008]

:sl:

Um, brother, forgive me for saying this but Khadija (ra) didn't directly approach the Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam). She (ra) sent her friend Nafisa bint munia and the whole incident was actually very awesome. She steers the entire situation into making the Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) propose to Khadija (ra) even though her goal was to ask the Prophets(sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) hand in marriage to Khadija (ra).

http://maniacmuslim.com/forums/index...st-love-story/

hmm, I didn't know that, thanks for the info anyway. :thumbs_up:thumbs_up:thumbs_up Jazakallah Khair

[glo]

white convert women are a prized catch for a lot of brothers; many will jump to marry you and make it seem like they are mashaAllah to do so only they turn into thalimoon when married.

Not wishing to take this thread off topic, can you explain what you mean by 'turn into thalimoon'?
Thanks.

[Snowflake]

Salamoalaykum, I am a muslim convert. For the past 4 years alhamdullah, I have been learning Islam and struggling as a new muslim. At work there is a muslim gentleman who I have become particularly fond of, my modesty and shyness causes me to not even look at him more than what is necessary during work and to just as seldom speak to him. Yet, in these past weeks I have known him I have fell deeply in love with him, I found out his attends an Islamic university overseas and has memorized the entire Quran. His manners are immaculate. I love him so much and wish to pursue a relationship, however, it must be purely Islamic. I am afraid that my shyness and extreme modesty has made him think that I do not like him. After we greet eachother I do all that is possible to either turn my back and avoid him because of my shyness. How can I send him the right message without it being 1) haram and 2) culturally wrong (he is egyptian) or 3) strange.

assalamu alaykum,

MashaAllah sis. Ignore anyone who says love doesn't exist. The Prophet (saw) himself said, that the bst thing for two people who love each other is marriage. And if you aren't going to love someone who is strong in his deen who else are you going to love? :D So, make dua to Allah to bless it for you if he is good for you and turn you away from it, if he is bad for you. :)

salamoalaykum,

i understand my first post portrayed me as girl just infatuated with a boy. however, i am not just infatuated. he is an extremely responsible person who has a high position in our company and who is an extremely devoted Muslim, mashallah, alhamdulilah.

I am slightly confused here because of the many different responses. I must say that my heart tells me to speak with him. I understand that other people must be present... we are in work with other people around us, so does that still merit this type of interaction as khalwa, as us being alone?

Unfortunately, I do not know of anyone who could arrange anything between the two of us. Please keep posting. the support helps...

thanks
jazakallahukhair

You didn't come across some infatuated at all. If you really don't know anyone, you can always approach sisters and ask them or you can speak the imaam at your local mosque.

:sl:

Sis, simple solution! Just send a messenger (like a sister or a friend) to speak on your behalf. You won't have to compromise your shyness and you won't be doing anything wrong. And if the brother agrees then arrange to meet with the parents. Don't forget to pray isthikhara though.

Edit: Yes, I wanted to say parents/elders too but since the sis is a convert it hought perhaps her family might not agree hence why i said sister/friend. If possible though sis, a marriage proposal through your elders is a perfect solution like the brother below me has said.

:wa:

This is the best advice given. You should def go with this one inshaAllah :)


Btw, if I can help somehow, please ask! :statisfie

[glo]

white convert women are a prized catch for a lot of brothers; many will jump to marry you and make it seem like they are mashaAllah to do so only they turn into thalimoon when married.

thalimoon = oppressors.

Forgive me, convert, but that is quite a generalisation you are making there!!

Many Muslim men see white convert women as prized catches and jump to marry them, only to turn into oppressors once married?

Can you give evidence for making such a claim?
Or might you want to reconsider that statement?

[Snowflake]

^Glo, what convert said, does hold some truth, but what he didn't make clear is that those men are not practicing muslims in the first place. :hmm:

[convert]

Forgive me, convert, but that is quite a generalisation you are making there!!

Many Muslim men see white convert women as prized catches and jump to marry them, only to turn into oppressors once married?

Can you give evidence for making such a claim?
Or might you want to reconsider that statement?

I have seen many such cases and have read about many many more. This is why I tell all convert sisters I see to learn their deen beforehand to try to avoid this problem.

[glo]

Thank you, convert. I hope I didn't sound too accusing.

It just seemed strange to hear such a statement from a Muslim brother. It is more something I would expect a non-Muslim to say ...

Salaam :)

[convert]

i suppose i should think the best of my brothers but, well, ive seen too much of this

[cat eyes]

sis i can feel you, im extremely shy also so much that people think i am being rudeimsad but im far from it but i can chat with sisters easily at work an stuf but not with brothers so easily but they chat with me to much and i just stay quite i don't give them eyes contact at all :embarrass

anyway why don't you ask for his number or email address:p tell him you would like to get to know him more through that

[cat eyes]

btw if you are a convert i would suggest you concentrate on your deen first before falling in love..

when we are in love we don't think straight and we forget Allah for this person thats why its haram to fall in love before marriage because fornication happens etc and everything of this nature happens.. (he might be this type of guy)

you have to know the persons character before you go rushing ahead.. you have to find out that is he looking to get married and settle down and things like this before you go and get all soft for this guy..

but must girls fall into that trap especially convert muslims. it dosent mean that if a guy is born muslim and it dose everything a muslim dose don't mean that he is guided and his heart is in the right place.. he might have bad intentions towards every girl and ive heard countless stories so be careful thats all i will say and fear ALLAH

[Grofica]

but from her despcription of the gentleman it seems he (COULD) be a better influence on her. I mean he goes to college, he is responsible, he has not approched her in an inappropriate way (from what we know) he has lot of knowledge on the Koran...

Could she have a close friend to chaperone a coffee in a public place? I mean there is nothing less sexual / romantic then a coffee and if chaperoned then her modesty would still be ensured...

[Snowflake]

anyway why don't you ask for his number or email address:p tell him you would like to get to know him more through that

I wouldn't recommend that. A better option is to ask another female to intervene inshaAllah/

=cat eyes;1202899]btw if you are a convert i would suggest you concentrate on your deen first before falling in love..

when we are in love we don't think straight and we forget Allah for this person thats why its haram to fall in love before marriage because fornication happens etc and everything of this nature happens.. (he might be this type of guy)

Umm... love isn't haram and if the above happens then it isn't love anyway, only lust. By what the sister said, her feelings seem to be more than just a case of physical attraction to me.

it dosent mean that if a guy is born muslim and it dose everything a muslim dose don't mean that he is guided and his heart is in the right place..

That's true in general.

[جوري]

Haven't read everything here, but I say take the bull by the horn and tell him.. the outcome should dictate your next move.. and hopefully insha'Allah it will be in your favor..

lots of people out there have no walis or elders to intervene on their behalf and not every marriage is arranged.. people speak of how difficult it is to get married or find a suitable partner here is a brother whose character you actually trust and know.. how lucky that you have found someone you actually have feelings for..
there is no sin in feelings, there is however sin in acting on it in a non-halal way.. so make this relationship halal... and the only way to do that, it to tell him, that you are interested in marriage and wonder if he reciprocates your desire for it as well...

and Allah swt knows best

:w:

[Grofica]

Haven't read everything here, but I say take the bull by the horn and tell him.. the outcome should dictate your next move.. and hopefully insha'Allah it will be in your favor..

lots of people out there have no walis or elders to intervene on their behalf and not every marriage is arranged.. people speak of how difficult it is to get married or find a suitable partner here is a brother whose character you actually trust and know.. how lucky that you have found someone you actually have feelings for..
there is no sin in feelings, there is however sin in acting on it in a non-halal way.. so make this relationship halal... and the only way to do that, it to tell him, that you are interested in marriage and wonder if he reciprocates your desire for it as well...

and Allah swt knows best

:w:

:statisfie BIG THUMBS UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:statisfie

[cat eyes]

I wouldn't recommend that. A better option is to ask another female to intervene inshaAllah/



Umm... love isn't haram and if the above happens then it isn't love anyway, only lust. By what the sister said, her feelings seem to be more than just a case of physical attraction to me.

That's true in general.

so your basically telling the convert muslim that to lust after a guy is okay.. like to only think of such things is allowed but not to act on them

what person only lusts but don't touch, i never heard of such people..

shaytaan is out to get us caught in his trap so be careful

[أبو سليمان عمر]

Haven't read everything here, but I say take the bull by the horn and tell him.. the outcome should dictate your next move.. and hopefully insha'Allah it will be in your favor..

lots of people out there have no walis or elders to intervene on their behalf and not every marriage is arranged.. people speak of how difficult it is to get married or find a suitable partner here is a brother whose character you actually trust and know.. how lucky that you have found someone you actually have feelings for..
there is no sin in feelings, there is however sin in acting on it in a non-halal way.. so make this relationship halal... and the only way to do that, it to tell him, that you are interested in marriage and wonder if he reciprocates your desire for it as well...

and Allah swt knows best

:w:

no love is not a sin but how love got there can be a sin Again we have shairah to prevent fitnah like this and when advices a brother or sister we should advice them with what is islamic no matter what if he is a great guy still no matter what she is not to talk to him Alone and there has to be a mahram there and again no matter what there is no marrige if there is no wali so with saying this to go up and tell him is out of the question for they will be aloone and there wont be a mahram Unless she can have one present go for it
Baarak Allah feeki

Ps WHAT i mean how it got there for exapmle school where there is mixed and a brother or sister look and dont lower gaze or they talk or joke without a mahram etc this is a sin which lead to that love if there wasnt mix there wouldnt be this problem and that is why islam DOESNT allow freemixing

[cat eyes]

lower your gaze and guard your modesty

i think you need to read the hadiths about what prophet mohammad pbuh says about those girl with the lustful eyes

Allah forgive us!! we should be careful what we tell a convert scents of jannah

[Grofica]

so your basically telling the convert muslim that to lust after a guy is okay.. like to only think of such things is allowed but not to act on them

what person only lusts but don't touch, i never heard of such people..

shaytaan is out to get us caught in his trap so be careful

Forgive me sister but i dont think thats how most of the people in here ment it... i think a few people are saying that if haram things happen then its NOT love...

Love is NOT wanting a physical relationship with someone. It's a feeling that you have FOR the person because of who they are. Our husband (or wife) should be our best friend and we should love them for that. We love many people in our lives, brothers sisters mothers fathers friends and it doesnt have anything to do with lust.

Everyone is lucky to find such a person they connect with on that level.

Granted it would be best to have someone act on her behalf but if she doesnt have that... then what is she supposed to do... not everyone has a supportive family.

Love is a pure thing... and I would like to hope this guy she is talking about is a good standing person... i agree to warn her but i dont think we should judge him... I know its very human but we dont even know him.

[أبو سليمان عمر]

I would like to hope this guy she is talking about is a good standing person... i agree to warn her but i dont think we should judge him... I know its very human but we dont even know him.

that is the funny thing is we dont know him but are warning how can we warn agasint someone we dont know for all we know he might be better then all of us here that wasnt her question to begin with and as for us warning about someone we dont know is not right but her question was very clear and u are write we are not to judge him

[cat eyes]

Forgive me sister but i dont think thats how most of the people in here ment it... i think a few people are saying that if haram things happen then its NOT love...

Love is NOT wanting a physical relationship with someone. It's a feeling that you have FOR the person because of who they are. Our husband (or wife) should be our best friend and we should love them for that. We love many people in our lives, brothers sisters mothers fathers friends and it doesnt have anything to do with lust.

Everyone is lucky to find such a person they connect with on that level.

Granted it would be best to have someone act on her behalf but if she doesnt have that... then what is she supposed to do... not everyone has a supportive family.

Love is a pure thing... and I would like to hope this guy she is talking about is a good standing person... i agree to warn her but i dont think we should judge him... I know its very human but we dont even know him.

she hasnt connected with the guy because she has just mentioned that she is shy btw these posts are not coming across so good from the sisters at all. love is HARAM ACT depending on how that love got there in the first place. if he is flirting with her, hes more then likely a bad egg

[جوري]

Love is not an 'act' to be classified as haram.. love is a feeling.. are you punished for feelings? sadness, joy, anger? it all depends on what you do with that feeling..

Al-Khansaa’ bint Khidaam complained to the Prophet that her father wanted her to marry someone she didn’t want, saying “I do not wish to accept what my father has arranged.” The Prophet said, “Then this marriage is invalid, go and marry whomever you wish.” Al-Khansaa’ said, “I have actually accepted what my father has arranged, but I wanted women to know that fathers have no right in their daughter’s matters” (i.e. they have no right to force a marriage on them). (Fath Al-Barî Ibn Hajr, Sunan Ibn Mâjah)

Marry whom you like.. that is all I have to say on the matter

:w:

[Grofica]

she hasnt connected with the guy because she has just mentioned that she is shy btw these posts are not coming across so good from the sisters at all. love is HARAM ACT depending on how that love got there in the first place. if he is flirting with her, hes more then likely a bad egg

I connected with my husband the second i saw him, it was like lightening... he said hi to me and i loved him...

Ok maybe connect was the wrong word but spark, lightening whatever. you took that too literal. most of the sisters answers have been encouraging. Im not sure if we are reading them the same way. :exhausted

[أبو سليمان عمر]

Love is not an 'act' to be classified as haram.. love is a feeling.. are you punished for feelings? sadness, joy, anger? it all depends on what you do with that feeling..

the feeling it self is not haram now on somthing things the feelings make u do somthing Haram and other times this feeling comes from doing somthing haram

Al-Khansaa’ bint Khidaam complained to the Prophet that her father wanted her to marry someone she didn’t want, saying “I do not wish to accept what my father has arranged.” The Prophet said, “Then this marriage is invalid, go and marry whomever you wish.” Al-Khansaa’ said, “I have actually accepted what my father has arranged, but I wanted women to know that fathers have no right in their daughter’s matters” (i.e. they have no right to force a marriage on them). (Fath Al-Barî Ibn Hajr, Sunan Ibn Mâjah)

indeed Baarak Allah feeki the wali cant force her to marry anyone she has to agree but she cant marry anyone if the wali doesnt agree so both have to agree

Marry whom you like.. that is all I have to say on the matter

:w:

Yes great advice sis may Allah reward u sis Ameen Marry whom u like ayn but do it right and islamic and the answer to that is in the thread Baarak Allah feeki ayn islam is perfect and its ruling are great for our benifit even if we fail to understand so stick to the sunnah and have someone talk to him or get a mahram and talk to him ur self other wise dont do anything with out a mahram and another advice is to leave this work that has u free mixing Allah is Al razaq

[جوري]

7058 views Can a Muslim woman ask a Muslim man to...?

Can a Muslim woman ask a Muslim man to marry her? Does the Hadeeth also refer to a woman asking a man?
The Prophet (p.b.u.h.) said: "If there comes to you one whose religious commitment and attitude please you, then marry (your female relative who is under your care) to him, for if you do not do that, there will be tribulation on earth and much corruption." (al-Tirmidhi and classed as Saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Sunan al-Tirmidhi, 1084).

Answer:

Praise be to Allah.

We are happy to congratulate you on choosing the path of the Prophets and of the wise, which is Tawheed, the belief in Allah alone, and the testimony that Muhammad (p.b.u.h.) is His Messenger.

With regard to the idea of a Muslim woman offering herself in marriage to a righteous man, that does not contradict the idea of modesty, so long as he is trustworthy with regard to his religious commitment and moral attitude. It was narrated that Thaabit al Banaani said: "I was with Anas ibn Maalik and a daughter of his was with him. He said: 'A woman came to the Messenger of Allah (p.b.u.h.) and offered herself in marriage to him. She said: ‘O Messenger of Allah, do you want to marry me?' The daughter of Anas said: 'How little was her modesty. How shameless, how shameless!' Anas said: 'She was better than you; she had a liking for the Prophet (p.b.u.h.) so she offered herself in marriage to him.'" (al-Bukhaari 4828)

Imam al-Bukhaari included this Hadeeth in a chapter which he entitled: "A woman offering herself in marriage to a righteous man."

Al-Hafiz ibn Hajar said: "Ibn al-Munayyir said in al-Haashiyah: 'One of the subtle points of al-Bukhaari’s knowledge is that he from the specific story of the woman who offered herself in marriage to the Prophet (p.b.u.h.) he derived a general principle; he understood that it is permissible for any woman to offer herself in marriage to a righteous man whose righteousness she admires, and if he likes her he may marry her subject to the conditions of marriage being fulfilled.'"

These two Ahaadeeth – the Hadeeth of Sahl and the Hadeeth of Anas, both of which mention the woman who offered herself in marriage to the Prophet (p.b.u.h.) – indicate that it is permissible for a woman to offer herself in marriage to a man, and to let him know that she has a liking for him, and there is nothing wrong with her doing so. And the one to whom a woman offers herself in marriage has the choice of either accepting or refusing, but he does not have to express his refusal outright, rather it is sufficient for him to remain silent. (Fath al-Baari, 9/175)

Al-‘Ayni said: "The words of Anas to his daughter: 'She is better than you' indicate that it is permissible for a woman to offer herself in marriage to a righteous man, and to tell him of her liking for him because of his righteousness and virtue, or because of his knowledge and honor, or for some characteristic of religious commitment, and that there is no shame on her if she does that, rather that is a sign of her virtue. The daughter of Anas (may Allah be pleased with him) looked at the externals and she did not understand this properly until Anas said: 'She is better than you.' As for the woman who offers herself in marriage to a man for some worldly purpose, this is something that is abhorrent in the extreme." (Umdat al-Qaari’ Sharh Saheeh al-Bukhaari, 20/1130)

But it is better for a woman to inform her wali (guardian) of her desire to marry a righteous man who is trustworthy with regard to his religious commitment and his moral attitude, without telling the man bluntly. This may be understood from what one of the two women did, when she said to her father – concerning Moosa (peace be upon him): “And said one of them (the two women): ‘O my father! Hire him! Verily, the best of men for you to hire is the strong, the trustworthy’”
(al-Qasas 28:26)

al-Qurtubi said: "With regard to the words of Allah: He said: ‘I intend to wed one of these two daughters of mine to you, on condition that you serve me for eight years…'"

(al-Qasas 28:27)

Here the father offered his daughter in marriage to the man. This is an established custom whereby the righteous man of Madyan offered his daughter in marriage to a righteous man of the Children of Israel, ‘Umar ibn al-Khattaab offered his daughter Hafsah in marriage to Abu Bakr and Uthmaan, and the woman who offered herself in marriage offered herself to the Prophet (p.b.u.h.). So it is good for a man to offer his female relative who is under his care in marriage, and for a woman to offer herself in marriage to a righteous man, following the example of the righteous salaf. Ibn Umar said: "When Hafsah became single (due to her husband's death), Umar said to Uthmaan: 'If you wish, I will marry Hafsah Bint Umar to you.'" (al-Bukhaari, 4005, Tafseer al-Qurtubi, 13/271)

But it should be noted that most of what happens nowadays, when a woman likes a particular man, is the result of Haraam causes, such as a careless attitude on her part whereby she talks to him and sits with him. A person who has evil motives may take advantage of such an offer to achieve some of his aims. So we must beware of this and protect our honor from anything that may besmirch it.

And Allah knows best.

By: Shaikh Salih Bin Fawzan
Source: 63.175.194.25/



http://www.islamicfinder.org/article...9&lang=english

[جوري]

the feeling it self is not haram n

I am not ignoring your post, we posted at the same time..
khyer insha'Allah..
I hope the sheikh's fatwa:
http://www.islamicboard.com/new-musl...ml#post1203044

will act as a surrogate on our behalf to help her reach the right decision insha'Allah

:w:

_______________________

Ramadan kareem everyone

[أبو سليمان عمر]

ok Asalamu alaykum
I personal think what needs to be said has been said and if it is not clear sis what u must do ask a truthworthy scholar there have emails numbers etc to contact them
Ps when a person ask about an islamic matter we shouldnt use or experiences or thoughts and our opinion we have quran and sunnah to advices us so inshallah when a question is asked about islam and haram halal thing we go to the source and speak on it and what it says nothing more saying it is ok for her to talk to him is wrong unless u say with a mahram to say take the number and or email to better know him is wrong and we shouldnt say this. to say anything other then have a marham there when u talk to him or have someone else talk to him to propose to u if he is intrested to ur wali is wrong. I advice u not for anything else but for the sake of Allah to find a diff job where there isnt free mixing and also do what is right concerning this matter
May Allah grant us success! and make our hearts firm in islam and make our eman strong

[أبو سليمان عمر]

I am not ignoring your post, we posted at the same time..
khyer insha'Allah..
I hope the sheikh's fatwa:
http://www.islamicboard.com/new-musl...ml#post1203044

will act as a surrogate on our behalf to help her reach the right decision insha'Allah

:w:

Jazaki Allahu Khayr for the fatwa may Allah reward you Ameen

_______________________

Ramadan kareem everyone[/QUOTE]

[جوري]

That is precisely why I got a scholarly fatwa to the same question.. four pages of opinions are bound to cause confusion and a rift amongst members..
also not everyone knows of every last detail about the situation that the sister must assess for herself whether on the availability of walis...

we shouldn't impose guilt on others or make a difficult situation more difficult by casting doubts on either of their characters or their intentions...


khyer insha'Allah

:w:

[جوري]

Jazaki Allahu Khayr for the fatwa may Allah reward you Ameen

_______________________

Ramadan kareem everyone

[/QUOTE]


Baraka Allah feek..

:w:

[أبو سليمان عمر]

This is always the best way to give advice daleel right after it as u have done sis inshallah
And about the wali there is no marrige without a wali as far as i know that is what the prophet said and if family cant be wali then a muslim judge shaykh or imam must act as wali

[جوري]

^^ indeed.. I am under the impression that she has no wali, in which case she can appoint an imam on her behalf insha'Allah

I will be happy for them both insha'Allah, if all goes well

:w:

[أبو سليمان عمر]

sis for some reason the source isnt working do u know the source of this fatwa

[جوري]

:sl:

islamicfinder.org

try to refresh the page.. it worked fine, I just tried it...

:w:

[جوري]

the sheikh Shaikh Salih Bin Fawzan is part of this council...

http://www.saudiembassy.net/latest_n...s02140909.aspx

:w:

[أبو سليمان عمر]

no sis i know who Sheikh Salih bin Fawzan bin Alfawzan is he is a great scholar but i mean where is the fatwa from what book of his i looked for it and i found the same fatwa but it isnt by fawzan the person who posted it on that link put fowzans name on it and this is very very wrong the fatwa isnt by him i had a felling it wasnt from him but didnt say anything till i looked it up. this fatwa is by those who run islamqa NOT FROM Shaykh fawzan http://www.islam-qa.com/en/ref/20916...ighteous%20man u can see it for ur self so as for that link u posted if u can email them to fix it that would be nice

[جوري]

the link isn't islamqa it is islamicfinder.org
I don't have a book by him, I searched the islamic websites I frequent mainly islamonline and islamicfinder.. either way I can't accuse anyone of plagiarism as I have no clue whether or not it was plagiarized in his name the link you included has no name as far as I can see.. possible it fell on my blind spot as I have a migraine..

but if it is of concern to you, then please bring the matter to the attention of the appropriate authorities.. as I am not quite sure I understand what you perceive to be the problem?

:w:

[أبو سليمان عمر]

yea sis the one u gave me is on islamfinder the say it is from fowzan and it isnt it is a fatwa by those who run islamqa he copied it and put fawzans name
so just to let u know it is not by fawzan
but reagarding this issue


The first question of Fatwa no. 6400

Q 1: is it permissible for a woman to propose to a good Muslim brother, when she sees that he is Multazim (a practicing Muslim), as did Lady Khadijah bint Khuwaylid (may Allah be pleased with her)? If Islam permits this, would it not undermine the woman’s dignity afterwards? What are the conditions that it is obligatory for a woman to observe if she admires a Muslim brother’s morals, Islam, and committed adherence to Allah’s Book and the Sunnah (whatever is reported from the Prophet) of His Messenger Muhammad (peace be upon him)?

A: If the matter is as mentioned, it is permissible for her to offer herself in marriage to this man or his like, and there is nothing wrong with this, as this was done by Khadijah (may Allah be pleased with her) and the woman mentioned in Surah Al-Ahzab who gave herself in marriage. This was also done by ‘Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) when he offered his daughter Hafsah in marriage to Abu Bakr and then to ‘Uthman (may Allah be pleased with both of them).

( Part No : 18, Page No: 49)

May Allah grant us success! May peace and blessings be upon our Prophet Muhammad, his family, and Companions!

Permanent Committee for Scholarly Research and Ifta’

Member Abdullah ibn Qa`ud
Member Abdullah ibn Ghudayyan
Deputy Chairman Abdul-Razzaq `Afify `

The Chairman Abdul-`Aziz ibn `Abdullah ibn Baz

http://www.alifta.com/Fatawa/FatawaC...eNo=1&BookID=7

السؤال الأول من الفتوى رقم ( 6400 )

س1: هل يصح أن تتقدم الفتاة لطلب يد (للزواج) من أخ كريم في الله؟ لما تجد فيه من صفات المسلم الملتزم، كما فعلت السيدة خديجة بنت خويلد رضي الله عنها؟ وإذا كان الإسلام يبيح هذا هل هذا لا يكون فيه إهدار لكرامة الفتاة بعد ذلك؟ أو ما هي الشروط التي يجب أن تفعلها الفتاة إذا أعجبت بأخ في الله، حيث أعجبها فيه أخلاقه وإسلامه والتزامه بكتاب الله وسنة رسوله محمد صلى الله عليه وسلم؟.

ج1: إذا كان الأمر كما ذكر شرع لها أن تعرض نفسها على ذلك الرجل أو نحوه، ولا حرج في ذلك فقد فعلته خديجة رضي الله عنها وفعلته الواهبة المذكورة في سورة الأحزاب، وفعله عمر رضي الله عنه بعرضه ابنته حفصة على أبي بكر ثم على عثمان رضي الله عنهما.

( Part No : 18, Page No: 49)

وبالله التوفيق، وصلى الله على نبينا محمد وآله وصحبه وسلم.

اللجنة الدائمة للبحوث العلمية والإفتاء
Source

[جوري]

I have no way to verify that.. possible your link just plagiarized the first one or copied with permission without giving credit .. the only way to find that out is to write the sheikh himself, and I don't have enough interest in doing so, since he amended or whomever wrote it amended the articles with properly cited ahadiths.. nonetheless, you are free to do so and let us know the outcome insha'Allah..

:w:

[أبو سليمان عمر]

ukhtii Barak Allah feeki islamicfinder website doesnt write fatwas islamqa does and there fatwas are from them or other scholars and when they uses other scholars they mention book page and who it is never have they not and they wont as for the books of fowzan i have looked in the ones i have and the one my friends have and we couldnt find it any where so the fatwa isnt by fowzan let me show u somthing look at this http://islamqa.com/en/ref/91142/nasheed it is off topic but to show u when islamqa uses scholars what they do pls look at link

[جوري]

:sl:

I don't see a name for this fatwa either.. either way, I really don't see a problem, the fatwa seems sound and amended with cited ahadiths no matter who wrote it.. but there is really little I can do about the matter... either way if you are upset that, they have used the sheikh's name in error I'd recommend you write them or him directly. It isn't something that I have personally found out or claim to understand the importance of or convinced of its consequence.. thus it isn't my battle to fight.. the fatwa isn't deviant to the teachings of Islam which should go with man's nature and fitrah.

and I find it on the lowest common denominator better than passing opinions on this thread which might send a new convert into confusion and actually controvert the purpose we are trying to achieve ...

khyer insha'Allah..

:w:

[أبو سليمان عمر]

Baarak Allah feeki indeed

[جوري]

Baarak Allah feeki indeed

Jazaka Allah khyran
I have no doubt you know what you are talking about.. perhaps a grievous offense was carried out against the sheikh by writing something in his name that he didn't write.. but I like to give Muslims the benefit of the doubt.. perhaps it an honest mistake.. either way the fatwa itself seems sound without the scholar's seal of approval.. and there are many other good scholars out there..

:w:

[abu_musab461]

true

[Muslim Woman]

:sl:

How can I send him the right message

Sis , have u decided to offer Isthekhara Salat ? If u don't know how to do it , let us know. InshaAllah we will post :)

[Snowflake]

so your basically telling the convert muslim that to lust after a guy is okay.. like to only think of such things is allowed but not to act on them

what person only lusts but don't touch, i never heard of such people..

shaytaan is out to get us caught in his trap so be careful

subhanAllah! You've totally miscontrued what I said. I don't even know what to say to that... :uuh:

[abu_musab461]

ouch

[ayn22]

salamoalaykum guys, i have been following your posts closing and taking them all in. wow alhamdulilah each response helps me in its own way! its so great to have such a supportive community...

well bad news.. today i was informed that he was 'engaged', after feeling rather disappointed, I realized that maybe this is false. I am not sure if this was the wisest decision, but I told another girl at work of my fondness for the polite gentleman toay. She told me I was in bad luck because he was engaged... yet, the gentleman does not wear any ring. But alhamdullah if he has found someone special may Allah bless them in this life in the next life.

Still, however, I am not sure of the legitimacy of this claim. I think I will make istikhara prayer tonight, inshallah, and may Allah guide me.

Thanks so much for your support guys, I really intend to keep everything halal and inshAllah I will be guided and increased in faith.

Jazakallahukhair
Ramadan kareem, Salam

[syilla]

:salamext:

awww... not to worry ukhtee InshaAllah you'll find a better person. You'll always be in my duas :)

p/s: good guy is always taken. Well...first come first serve...huhuhu

[AntiKarateKid]

salamoalaykum guys, i have been following your posts closing and taking them all in. wow alhamdulilah each response helps me in its own way! its so great to have such a supportive community...

well bad news.. today i was informed that he was 'engaged', after feeling rather disappointed, I realized that maybe this is false. I am not sure if this was the wisest decision, but I told another girl at work of my fondness for the polite gentleman toay. She told me I was in bad luck because he was engaged... yet, the gentleman does not wear any ring. But alhamdullah if he has found someone special may Allah bless them in this life in the next life.

Still, however, I am not sure of the legitimacy of this claim. I think I will make istikhara prayer tonight, inshallah, and may Allah guide me.

Thanks so much for your support guys, I really intend to keep everything halal and inshAllah I will be guided and increased in faith.

Jazakallahukhair
Ramadan kareem, Salam

Tell me about it. I tried to approach a very nice Muslim girl who turns out... just had her nikkah.... lol. Yea I was deeply dissapointed, then angry, then remembered that everything happens for a reason. I prayed to Allah to grant me a good wife and I am sure He has heard me and is doing things His way.

Don't worry. Every time you think they are the perfect one then a couple months later or next year, a better one comes along. :D

(though that last one was VERY pretty :nervous:)

[happynur]

i can't help you but i will make dua may Allah helps you get the one you love :)

[Snowflake]

salamoalaykum guys, i have been following your posts closing and taking them all in. wow alhamdulilah each response helps me in its own way! its so great to have such a supportive community...

well bad news.. today i was informed that he was 'engaged', after feeling rather disappointed, I realized that maybe this is false. I am not sure if this was the wisest decision, but I told another girl at work of my fondness for the polite gentleman toay. She told me I was in bad luck because he was engaged... yet, the gentleman does not wear any ring. But alhamdullah if he has found someone special may Allah bless them in this life in the next life.

Still, however, I am not sure of the legitimacy of this claim. I think I will make istikhara prayer tonight, inshallah, and may Allah guide me.

Thanks so much for your support guys, I really intend to keep everything halal and inshAllah I will be guided and increased in faith.

Jazakallahukhair
Ramadan kareem, Salam

MashaAllah sis, I pray Allah increases you in knowledge, imaan and goodness. Ameen.

Muslims needn't wear engagement rings etc. So the absence of one doesn't mean anything. You should have asked the girl if she knows for sure or just assumes he is engaged. It's better to be sure. Why not confide in someone you can rely on and ask them to tell him that someone (no names mentioned) is interested in him and wants to know if he is spoken for? :)

Tell me about it. I tried to approach a very nice Muslim girl who turns out... just had her nikkah.... lol. Yea I was deeply dissapointed, then angry, then remembered that everything happens for a reason. I prayed to Allah to grant me a good wife and I am sure He has heard me and is doing things His way.

Don't worry. Every time you think they are the perfect one then a couple months later or next year, a better one comes along. :D

(though that last one was VERY pretty :nervous:)

lol aw (funny the way you put it)

May Allah replace the 'one that got away' with something better. Ameen :D