what is wrong if...?

[Ummu Sufyaan]

:sl:
from shiekh ul-Islam rahimahullah

Shaikh-ul-Islâm Ibn Taymiyyah says:

When a man’s heart becomes attached to a woman, even though she is lawful for him, his heart will be her captive. She controls him and manipulates him as she wills. In appearance he is her lord because he is her husband or her possessor. However, in reality, he is her captive and is possessed by her especially when she knows his need and his passion for her. Then she will control him in the same way in which a conquering, aggressive master controls an overpowered slave who cannot escape from his master. Even worse than this is the captivity of the heart; this is more severe than the captivity of the body, and enslavement of the heart is much more severe than the enslavement of the body. Verily, whoever’s body is subdued, enslaved and captivated will not care so long as his heart is reassured and is serene. In this way, it is possible for him to escape.
In the other case though, when the heart, which dominates the body; is subdued, enslaved and enthralled by love for other than Allâh, then, this is indeed mere humiliation and captivity. It is the humiliating Ubûdiyyah (enslavement) that has subdued the heart.

if the above is something unintentional on her part (as the result of relationships between people happens unconsciously/unknowingly), what is wrong if what was described happens? why is it such a bad thing? if it's outside marriage, it's understandable, but why is it such a bad thing otherwise? and why is it so important for him to escape :hiding: and why isn't it that if it happens the other way around, it isn't criticized? imsad

and no chauvinistic replies please...

[S_87]

good question :?

[Ali_008]

:sl:
Sis, even if its unintentional, it still is bad. When a woman knows that how much she matters to a man and how she controls him, she has to respect that. It can be possible that a woman is in control of a man. Both ways, the weak party should not be manipulated.

When a man loves a woman, he pays all his attention and thoughts to her and that also affects his worship. This way he starts traveling to darkness. Loving Allah affects a man's life and his dealing with people changes and he gets closer to Allah. Its basically where the most of a person's attention is towards.

I've read this before. It carries the same simple principle that no matter what you do, keep Allah (Subhaanahu Wa Taala) in your mind always.

Most of our mistakes are unintentional, aren't they?

When a person starts loving someone other Allah then he ought to fall because human love is so demanding that only Allah's mercy can suffice it. Love also builds the feeling of possessiveness in a person which can cause madness in humans. Possessiveness is hardly there in pure spiritual love. In human love, man starts to think special of his own self because there is a "someone" who makes him feel that way. In spiritual love, a man starts to think special of everyone because they are all special to his beloved.

You love a human because either they love you and give you more attention than others or you find something very adorable in that person and just for that virtue you want that entire man/woman. Either way its wrong because you neither deserve that attention nor your beloved is perfect. Its our hollowness or incompleteness that makes us so unworthy and the one who loves something unworthy is also the same.

:w:

[Muhaba]

It is true that his heart will be her captive, but that is perfectly normal and there is nothing wrong with it. He is not humiliated & she is not a sinner. Why look at it that way?

Of course there should be limits to these things and a person shouldn't blindly do whatever their beloved wants without thinking whether it is haraam or halal but if a person loves someone and wants to please him/her, that is perfectly natural.

Even the Prophet (SAW) swore not to eat honey to please some of his wives and Allah(SWT) simply told him to break the swear and that He was Oft-forgiving & Merciful. See Surah Al-Tahrim. Allah didn't reprimand him or the wives about this, because it is a perfectly natural thing.

Just my thoughts. May Allah forgive me if I wrote something wrong.

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[Rebel]

Eh? What about the Prophet's love for his wives?

he pays all his attention and thoughts to her and that also affects his worship.

I don't see how it would?

[ژاله]

Eh? What about the Prophet's love for his wives?



I don't see how it would?

like he would prefer being with her rather than go to masjid and pray, for instance.:hmm:

[Snowflake]

With all due respect to Ibn Taymiyyah, may Allah be pleased with him, if a man's heart is so absorbed in a woman that it affects his worship of Allah, then it is the man's heart that is diseased and needs remedying and it does not mean every woman will manipulate his weakness by her will. And anyway, both traits describe peole who are weak in their deen to begin with. :hmm:

[limitless]

:sl:
from shiekh ul-Islam rahimahullah



if the above is something unintentional on her part (as the result of relationships between people happens unconsciously/unknowingly), what is wrong if what was described happens? why is it such a bad thing? if it's outside marriage, it's understandable, but why is it such a bad thing otherwise? and why is it so important for him to escape :hiding: and why isn't it that if it happens the other way around, it isn't criticized? imsad

and no chauvinistic replies please...

It is bad thing because you are using his feelings. Its like blackmail basically. This happens quiet often in marriages, where the women uses these tactics against her husband. It is wrong and not islamically correct. You are deceiving the husband, taking his genuine feelings for granted.

With all due respect to Ibn Taymiyyah, may Allah be pleased with him, if a man's heart is so absorbed in a woman that it affects his worship of Allah, then it is the man's heart that is diseased and needs remedying and it does not mean every woman will manipulate his weakness by her will. And anyway, both traits describe peole who are weak in their deen to begin with. :hmm:

With all due to respect to him and you sis, I may add my opinion to what you said. What if the wife asked the husband not to worship Allah swt so much..and spend more time with her? More money on her? And etc? That also happens in reality, what then? What if she threatens him that she will leave the children? What about then? This has happened in my family relative. Its an abusive relationship, and the wife is the problem. The husband is just basically trying to please both, Allah swt and the wife.

[Muslim Woman]

:sl:

I don't see how it would?

Last year , a woman was proudly telling me how she prevented her husband from going to mosque for offering Tarabi . I was shocked . I told her she has no right to do that . She insisted that it's ok as she has a baby and if her husband spends much time at mosque , they will be deprived from his company .

I requested her to allow her husband to spend time at mosque in the blessed Ramadan . After that , if she thinks he must stay at home more , he can cut off his other schedule but he must go to mosque specially in Ramadan. Fortunately Allah softened her heart and she gave him permission to go to mosque.

I guess , the article means something like that ??:hmm:

[nebula]

i think it can be bad if the wife is very controlling and bossy, especially if the husband deeply loves his wife, coz then if shes a bad women she might take advantage of her husband make him do all types of stuff imsad

[cat eyes]

totally did not like how he described the woman like she is some type of a beast... Allah created the woman and he created love if that is something bad for the man then i don't see the logic in this..

of course there is those women who stop there men from worshiping Allah swt because they are controlling but there is men who do the same thing also..

in this he is describing that every female is like this and no mention of the male.

or mabe i just misunderstood what he has said but i think it did not come across very good at all. the only thing that only ever melts my heart is when the prophet mohammad pbuh speaks about love between man and his wife

[Humbler_359]

I would like to mention here, I have seen honestly, (I am not speaking generally for women or men, don't misunderstand). During my college times, long times ago my friend's wife(baptist christian people) was kind of bossy, order, prepare, and telling what to do. You know, a big single comfortable sofa, she sat all the times. Her husband came back from work, very tired and came to sit on the small cheap chair. Huh?

Her husband was cleaning the dishes, she came to help him a little bit and then returned back to sofa in chatting with us. :exhausted Honestly again, I have seen in the West, thousands men who followed women's steps in both pre-martial relationships or marriages.

I am sure, some of Muslim couples are same thing which is unacceptable.

[PIE]Each man and each woman have a different role models (to take care in different ways, not men follow women's command, not women follow men's command) in which our Creator created us. Equal.[/PIE]

[Snowflake]

With all due to respect to him and you sis, I may add my opinion to what you said. What if the wife asked the husband not to worship Allah swt so much..and spend more time with her? More money on her? And etc? That also happens in reality, what then? What if she threatens him that she will leave the children? What about then? This has happened in my family relative. Its an abusive relationship, and the wife is the problem. The husband is just basically trying to please both, Allah swt and the wife.

And to you bro. I highlighted the words 'so much' as that can suggest extremeness in worship to th extent that the rights of the wife and children and being neglected. Allah does not like us to be extreme even in worship brother. If this is what is happening, then the husband has to give rights where they are due.

If he is mindful of his duties of providing for the wife what she is entitled to islamically, then she is wrong on her part to demand he spends more money on her.

As for the time given to family, The Prophet, sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, used to divide his time so that those around him were given their due rights.

Daily Routine of Prophet Mohammed (excerpt)

On the authority of Ali (kaw), Tirmizi has recorded that the Prophet had carefully apportioned his time according to the demands on him for offering worship to Allah in and his personal matters. After the early morning prayers he would remain sitting in the mosque reciting praises of Allah till the sun rose and more people collected. He would then preach to them. After the sermons were over, he would talk genially with the people, enquire about their welfare and even exchange jokes with them. Taxes and revenues were also disrtibuted at this time (Sahih Muslim, Tirmizi, Sunan Tirmizi).

He would then offer chaste prayers and go home and get busy with household work. (Bukhari, Muslim, Tirmizi).

He would again return to the mosque for the mid-day and afternoon prayers, listen to the problems of the people and give solace and guidance to them. After the afternoon prayers, he would visit each of his wives and, after the evening prayers, his wives would collect at one place and he would have his dinner. (Sahih Muslim,).

If the husband is giving a reasonable amount of time to his wife and she is still complaining, then really is it a matter of ignorance and she be should helped to understand/learn the life of the Prophet (saw) and hopefully learn that even when the Prophet came to spending time with his wives, it was not by abandoning other duties and it wasn't excessive amounts of time (as it stated in the hadiths above).

However, if the wife is neglectful in her religious duties, and the husband is unable to correct her, then the answer from Ibn Tamiyah himself, is that divorce then becomes obligatory for the husband (and vice versa). (A Summary of Islamic Jurisprudence: Vol 2. Divorce: Page 428)

InshaAllah this is not the case here I hope?

:wa:

[IbnAbdulHakim]

i see it this way



if your hearts enslaved by your wife (may Allah protect me from this Ameen) - theres a chance you'll respond to her before Allaah/Prophet (sallallahi alaihi wasallaam)


thats the only problem i find

Assalamu Alaikum

[nebula]

totally did not like how he described the woman like she is some type of a beast... Allah created the woman and he created love if that is something bad for the man then i don't see the logic in this..

Sis i don't think you understand the logic of what he wrote to be honest, Shaikh-ul-Islâm Ibn Taymiyyah was a major scholar rahimahullah, i dont think he described the women as a beast u got it wrong man....

[cat eyes]

Sis i don't think you understand the logic of what he wrote to be honest, Shaikh-ul-Islâm Ibn Taymiyyah was a major scholar rahimahullah, i dont think he described the women as a beast u got it wrong man....

yeah mabe i did get it wrong as i have said in my post i might be misunderstanding this totally but it did come across to me like the womans only intention is she wants to pull the heart out from her husband and walk all over it and squash it..until shes satisfied.:raging: i just have this vision in my head then of the woman laughing in a evil way while shes doing it:heated: then if some brothers are thinking the way i am after reading that.. i wonder would they even get married at all?:statisfie

[AhmadibnNasroon]

Assalamu 3laykum,

Many times we read something from the ulemma and we take it out of context. Keep in mind Shaykh al Islaam ibn Taymiyya was never married. He was a zaahid, a mujtahid mutlaq and a mujaahid. May Allah bestow his mercy upon him.

As for his statement concerning this topic then we need to have husnul dhan and understand ibn Taymiyya's reasoning.

Shaykh al Islaam's statement can apply to anything, not just the love of a woman, it can also apply to the love of one's children, wealth, job, etc. All things which are halal but yet can take you away from the remembrance of Allah.

A classical example is the story of Aatikah bint Zayd al Adaweeyah radiallaahu anha


Full Name: ‘Aatikah bint Zayd ibn ‘Amr ibn Nufayl al Qurasheeyah al ‘Adaweeyah.

Mothers Name: Umm Kareez bint ‘Abdullaah ibn ‘Ammaar ibn Maalik al Hadrameeyyah.

She is ‘Umar ibn al Khataab’s cousin and Zayd ibn Yazeed’s sister.

She was amongst those who migrated to Madeenah.



She was extremely beautiful. ‘Abdullaah ibn Abu Bakr as Sideeq married her, he loved her so much that she overwhelmed him, he was occupied with her to the point that he did not participate in any of the battles, so his father ordered him to divorce her saying: ‘She has occupied you from the battles so divorce her.

So ‘Abdullaah said:

“They say divorce her and bring in her place,
someone who would make my me long to dream.
Indeed my separation from Ahl al Bayt,
is due to excessively being with someone magnificent.





His father insisted until he divorced her. One day his father passed by him and heard him reciting:


‘I shall never forget you as long as the sun keeps rising,
and as long as the moonlight covers the confined pigeons.
My heart turns to you every day and every night,
with the hidden affairs that souls are attached to.
I have never seen the likes of me divorce the likes of her,
nor have I seen the likes of her divorced without fault.
She has beautiful manners, is of sound judgment and nobility,
she is beautiful, shy and truthful.’




So his father softened his stance and permitted him to take her back. He said to her:


‘Indeed I divorced you without a doubt,
I resorted to an affair that had to come to pass.
Likewise is Allaah’s decree, it comes and goes,
upon the people with unity and separation.
My heart continues to be perturbed due to our separation,
but is at ease for what Allaah has brought close.
It gives you the tidings that I find no displeasure in it,
and indeed all good traits have been gathered and perfected in you.
That indeed you have a face that Allaah has beautified,
and a face that is beautified by Allaah cannot bear any flaws.’




‘Abdullaah then participated in the battle of Taa-if with the Messenger of Allaah - صلى الله عليه وسلم – and was struck with a spear and later died in Madeenah, ‘Aatikah recited mourning him:


‘I suffered the loss of the best of people after their Messenger,
and Abu Bakr, he was not neglectful.
So I took a pledge upon myself, that my sorrow for him,
shall not detach itself from me, nor the dust from my skin.
For who has seen the likes of such a young man,
who was more energized, heated up and patient in battle.
when the spear head entered him he took it,
to death, until the spear became red.’




‘Umar ibn al Khataab then married her and had a Waleemah where he invited a group of people including ‘Alee ibn Abee Taalib who said:

‘O leader of the believers, let me speak to ‘Aatikah.’
‘Umar responded: ‘You may do so.’

So he stood beside the door and said to her: ‘Where is your saying:


‘So I took a pledge upon myself, that my sorrow for him,
shall not detach itself from me, nor the dust from my skin. ‘




So she started crying and ‘Umar said to him: ‘What caused you to do that O Abul Hasan, all women do this.’
He responded: ‘Allaah said:

O you who believe! Why do you say that which you do not do? Most hateful it is with Allaah that you say that which you do not do. [As Saff: 2-3]


She always used to attend the prayers in congregation, and she made it a condition upon ‘Umar to let her do so. When ‘Umar was murdered she recited in mourning:


‘The abundant tears in my eyes and my crying,
are not sufficient for the Imaam.
Tell the people of distress and misery to die,
death has given him to drink from the cup of nations.’




Az Zubayr ibn ‘Awaam then married her with the same condition that she be allowed to pray in congregation
.

She used to go to the Masjid at night and he used to dislike that, she was a woman of excellent mannerisms, when she prepared herself to go the Masjid he would say:

‘By Allaah you are going out while I dislike that.’

So she would say: ‘You may disallow me and I will stay.’

He would respond: ‘How could I do that when you stipulated that I don’t prohibit you from praying in the Masjid.’

So she left one night to the prayer and he left after her, he overtook her and waited for her in a dark place on her way to the Masjid. When she passed by he touched her body, she returned home practicing Tasbeeh and stopped going out after that. He said to her: ‘How come you do not go to the Masjid anymore?’

She responded: ‘O Abu ‘Abdullaah, the people have become corrupt.’

He said: ‘It was me who did that.’

She responded: ‘Aren’t other people able to do what you have done?’

She never went out again until he was killed [in the battle of al Jamal], she also mourned him and recited a poem.

‘Alee ibn Abee Taalib then proposed to her. She sent to him saying: ‘I will refrain O cousin of the Messenger - صلى الله عليه و سلم – for fear that you will be killed.’

It was also said that ‘Amru ibn al ‘Aas and Muhammad ibn Abu Bakr also proposed to her but she refused.
Al Hasan ibn ‘Alee then married her and passed away while she was still alive, he was the last of her husbands and Allaah knows best.

Compiled from:

Ar Riyaad an Nadirah
Usud al Ghaabah and
Al Isaabah fee Tamyeez as Shahaabah.

So we need to understand in some cases, a man can become overwhelmed by his love for his wife whereas he should be overwhelmed by his love for Allah as our purpose here in this dunya is to worship Him.

And Allah knows best

[nebula]

this could happen to the wife aswell that she loves her husband to much and he could take advantage of this and stop her from praying wearing hijab etc, ive heard about it and it happens...

[Ali_008]

Assalamu 3laykum,

A classical example is the story of Aatikah bint Zayd al Adaweeyah radiallaahu anha

[B]
Full Name: ‘Aatikah bint Zayd ibn ‘Amr ibn Nufayl al Qurasheeyah al ‘Adaweeyah.

Mothers Name: Umm Kareez bint ‘Abdullaah ibn ‘Ammaar ibn Maalik al Hadrameeyyah.

She is ‘Umar ibn al Khataab’s cousin and Zayd ibn Yazeed’s sister.

....

SubhanAllah. Jazakallah khair for this post brother

For a man to become a slave to a woman, the woman doesn't have to be a tyrant. The example given above proves that.

Its the heart's attachment to somebody that leads to all the hoopla. Extremism has to be avoided, even more in love.

[Salahudeen]

This is where the term "she's got him under the fum" comes from I think lool

[abdullah_001]

That's right. I wear the pants in THIS family! lol

[Ummu Sufyaan]

:sl:
for all those who said that it is wrong becuase she can manipulate and use him :rolleyes:, please reread the opening post (and sure, as if it doesn't happen the other way around ^o), consciously as well :exhausted)

if the above is something unintentional on her part (as the result of relationships between people happens unconsciously/unknowingly),

and yes, if this love for her prevents him from the worship of Allah, namely obligatory acts of worship, of course this will be problematic and unadvisable, but that wasn't the intent of this thread to begin with.

i wanted to know why its so wrong for his heart to be captivated by her that he becomes her servant, as i said unknowingly and unintentionally as the result of a relationship between two people occurs unknowingly...i think even studies show this, i.e that in a relationship (not necessarily marital/between the opposite gender) one will "automatically" become subservient to the other.

on the side: even if it was knowingly and intentionally withOUT the using and manipulating why is that still wrong i.e why is it so wrong for his heart to be captivated by her :?

[nebula]

seems like a deep question best ask a scholar

[abdullah_001]

on the side: even if it was knowingly and intentionally withOUT the using and manipulating why is that still wrong i.e why is it so wrong for his heart to be captivated by her :?

:wa:

Sis, I don't remember the exact source and don't take my word for it but love in its extremity leads to obsession which turns into enslavement like the original poster said.

The reason (at least what I think) it would be bad for anyone to be this captivated by someone else is because this extremity in love turns into worship, hence why you call the person in such a state enslaved in the first place.

In my opinion there's is nothing wrong in being captivated (but not to such extreme extent) by the spouse etc. as long as the person is not depriving others of their rights for the sake of their loved one. And we must also remember that all our duties that are made compulsory on us are Allah's right over us. Allah (swt) knows best.

[Al-Zaara]

Selam aleykum sister,

Interesting question, I have no answers to give. I also wanted to say, it fascinates me, 'cause it sounded so unrealistic, I have yet to hear or see that kind of love.

Where is the quoted text from?

[Najm]

:sl:

and no chauvinistic replies please...

AsSalamOAlaikum WaRehmatuAllah WaBarkatuhu

What does that mean? :embarrass

FiAmaaniAllah

[Ummu Sufyaan]

:sl:
@al-zaara, your reply inspired me to do some further research :embarrass

Hmm, reading the rest of the article (which I should have done to begin with :-[), I think he means what I quoted in the first post as an example of being captivated by something to the extent that it distracts you from Allah. ibn Taymiyyah uses the husband/wife scenario just as an example as the husband is in authority over his wife, not to make it sound that women are evil (which we aren’t), but to demonstrate that despite being the master -any master if we read further- where one would/should be the one to subjugate the people, they instead have subjugated you due to your love, etc for them which apparently is so intense it has distracted you from Allah hence you really are the one enslaved despite you in reality being the master.

With all due respect to Ibn Taymiyyah, may Allah be pleased with him, if a man's heart is so absorbed in a woman that it affects his worship of Allah, then it is the man's heart that is diseased and needs remedying and it does not mean every woman will manipulate his weakness by her will.

I think that’s what his jist was.

In the other case though, when the heart, which dominates the body; is subdued, enslaved and enthralled by love for other than Allâh, then, this is indeed mere humiliation and captivity. It is the humiliating Ubûdiyyah (enslavement) that has subdued the heart.

I think the “manipulates and uses” that is mentioned was misunderstood (by me, first and foremost) and what was meant that she does this unintentionally/unknowingly but rather it is the result of his immense love for her, hence he is manipulated and used due to his sick heart as he is distracted from Allah. This explanation is better understood when weighed up in the context of the article where other similar examples are given

Anyway, im not sure that im making any sense, but inshallah when you read the rest of the article, it’ll make a lot more sense.

Obsession of the Heart


Shaikh-ul-Islâm Ibn Taymiyyah says:

When a man’s heart becomes attached to a woman, even though she is lawful for him, his heart will be her captive. She controls him and manipulates him as she wills. In appearance he is her lord because he is her husband or her possessor. However, in reality, he is her captive and is possessed by her especially when she knows his need and his passion for her. Then she will control him in the same way in which a conquering, aggressive master controls an overpowered slave who cannot escape from his master. Even worse than this is the captivity of the heart; this is more severe than the captivity of the body, and enslavement of the heart is much more severe than the enslavement of the body. Verily, whoever’s body is subdued, enslaved and captivated will not care so long as his heart is reassured and is serene. In this way, it is possible for him to escape.
In the other case though, when the heart, which dominates the body; is subdued, enslaved and enthralled by love for other than Allâh, then, this is indeed mere humiliation and captivity. It is the humiliating Ubûdiyyah (enslavement) that has subdued the heart.

The Ubûdiyyah of the heart and its captivity form the basis on which good reward or bad punishment will be incurred. If a Muslim is captivated by a kâfir or is enslaved by a profligate and given no rights, it will not harm him so long as he can fulfil his duties to Allâh Azzawajall. Whoever is lawfully subdued and fulfils the rights of Allâh Azzawajall and the rights of his master will be rewarded twice. Even if he is forced to pronounce Kufr (disbelief), pronouncing it with his tongue but keeping Îmân (conviction, faith) in his heart, the utterance will not harm him. But the one whose heart is subdued and becomes an ‘abd (slave) for other than Allâh will be harmed by that even if he is a king. Freedom is the freedom of the heart and al-Ubûdiyyah (enslavement) is the Ubûdiyyah of the heart. Similarly, well-being is the well-being of the soul. The Messenger of Allâh (sallallahu-alaihi-wasallam) said: “Well being is not how much wealth you have; but it is the well-being of the soul.”

This, by Allâh, is the case when a lawful image has enslaved one’s heart. But whoever’s heart is enslaved by an unlawful image will earn a torment more severe than any known torment.

These people who are obsessed by images are of the most severely punished and the least rewarded. For if one is obsessed by an image and his heart remains attached to it and subdued by it, he will be surrounded by so many kinds of evils and corruption that they cannot be counted but by the Lord of al-Ibâd (the servants) even if he were safe from committing the greatest Fâhishah (obscenity i.e. az-Zina - fornication). Continuous attachment of the heart[1] without committing al-Fâhisha is more harmful for him than it is for the person who commits a sin and repents of it. Since, after true repentance the attachment and affection vanishes from his heart.[2] These people are likened to drunk people or the insane. It has been said:

“They said you were driven insane by that which you have a passion for. I replied to them that passion causes more harm than insanity”

As for this passion, the one who is obsessed by it will never awake until the end of time. However, the insane only exhibit their madness during certain periods.

Of the greatest causes of this affliction is the heart’s turning away from Allâh for when the heart senses the taste of worshipping Allâh and sincerity towards Him, nothing will be more tasty to it than that; and nothing will be more delightful and enjoyable than that. A human being will not leave a lover except to replace him with another lover more beloved to him than the former, or he can leave a lover fearing some harm. Verily, the heart will turn from a corrupt love to a righteous love, or from fear of imparting harm.

Allâh Ta‘âla said concerning Yûsuf:
“Thus (did We order) that We might turn away from him evil and al-Fahshâh (illegal sexual intercourse)”[3]

Thus, Allâh turns away from His ‘abd (servant) that which could be evil for him from the inclination towards images and the attachment to them. He also turns al-Fahshâh (the blatant sin) away from him when he is sincere to Allâh. Hence, before he tastes the sweetness of al-Ubûdiyyah (Enslavement) to Allâh and sincerity for Him, he will be forced by his soul to follow it’s own passion. Bu t once he obtains the taste of sincerity and becomes strong in his heart, then h is passion will submit to Him (Allâh) without any effort. Allâh Ta‘âla said:

“Verily, As-Salât (the prayer) prevents the committing of Al-Fahshâh (the obscene, blatant sin) and al-Munkar (the evil) and the Remembrance of Allâh is the greatest.”[4]

Indeed, in As-Salât (the prayer) there is repulsion of harmful things, i.e. Al-Fahshâh (the obscene blatant sin) and Al-Munkar (the evil conduct) and there is attainment of a beloved thing, the remembrance of Allâh. The attainment of this beloved thing is greater than the repulsion of the harmful things. Verily, the remembrance of Allâh is, by itself, a worship of Allâh; and the heart’s worship of Allâh is sought for itself, whereas the repulsion of evil from the heart is sought for other than itself. Instead, it is needed for something else. The heart has been created loving the truth, seeking it and striving for it; but w hen the will of evil confronts it, then the heart demands the repulsion of the evil will because the latter spoils the heart as a plantation is spoiled with weeds. That is why Allâh Ta‘âla said:

“Indeed he succeeds who sanctifies it (his own soul) and indeed he fails who corrupts it (his own soul).”[5]

And He, Azzawajall, said:

“Indeed he shall achieve success who sanctifies himself and brings to mind the name of Allâh and performs salât (prayer).”[6]

And He, Azzawajall, said:
“Tell the believing men to lower their gaze and to protect their private parts from sin. That is more sanctifying for them…”[7]

And He, Azzawajall, said:
“And had it not been for the grace of Allâh and His mercy upon you, not one of you would ever have been sanctified.”[8]

Thus Allâh Ta‘âla made the lowering of the gaze and the protection of the sexual organs from Az-Zina (fornication) as the strongest sanctification of the soul.

He also showed that avoiding blatant sins is a part of the sanctification of the soul. The sanctification of the soul comprises keeping away from all evils including blatant sins, injustice, shirk (associating partners with Allâh Azzawajall) and lying.

The same is true for one who is seeking leadership and dominion on earth. His heart is a slave to those who help him with his aim although he, in appearance, is their leader and the obeyed one among them. In reality he has hope in them and fears them. He would offer them wealth and countries, and would overlook what they have wrongly committed so that they would obey and help him with his aims. In appearance he is an obeyed leader while in fact he is their obedient slave.

The fact of the matter is that both of them manifest worship for each other and both of them have gone away from the actual worship of Allâh. Moreover, if their mutual help is for an unjust dominion on earth, then they are on the level of those who mutually help each other to commit al-Fâhishah (the blatant sins) or to cut off the way. Hence, each one of them, who originally was a slave and obsessed by his passion, becomes subdued by the other.

The same is the case of the one who strives for wealth; this wealth can obsess and subdue him. However, wealth is of two types: one type is that for which al-‘Abd (the servant) has a need, such as food, drink, shelter and marital life. This type should be asked for from Allah and should be sought for His pleasure. Thus, this wealth, which a person uses for his needs, is of the same level as his donkey which he rides, or his mat, on which he sits. Furthermore, it should be regarded on the same level as a water closet in which he satisfies his need without becoming subdued or dismayed by it. Allâh Ta‘âla said:

“Irritable (discontented) when evil touches him and niggardly when good touches him.”[9]

The other type of wealth is that which al-‘Abd (the servant) does not need for his necessities. He should not attach his heart to this type of wealth. For if he does attach his heart to it, he becomes subdued by it. Furthermore, he might begin relying upon other than Allâh. Then, nothing of the actual worship which is due to Allâh nor of the true reliance upon Allâh will remain with him. Instead, he will be pursuing a branch of worship of other than Allah and a branch of reliance upon other than Allâh. This person is the most deserving of the saying of the Messenger of Allâh (sallallâhu-alaihi-wasallam): “May the worshipper of ad-Dirham be wretched. May the worshipper of ad-Dinâr be wretched. May the worshipper of velvet cloth be wretched. May the worshipper of silk cloth be wretched.”[10]

This person is indeed a slave of these objects. For if he asks Allâh for these objects and if Allâh grants him what he has requested, then he is please d. But if Allâh denies him what he has asked for, he is upset. However, the true ‘abd (servant) of Allâh is the one who is pleased with what Allâh and his Messenger love and hates what is hated by Allâh and his Messenger and will make allegiance with the Awliyâ Allâh (those near to Allâh) and take for enemies the enemies of Allâh.
This is the person who has completed his Imân (faith, conviction) as narrated in the hadîth: “Whoever loves for Allâh, hates for Allâh, and gives for Allâh and denies for Allâh has indeed completed Imân.”[11] and he said: “The most strong of al-Imân’s (Faith’s) ties is loving for the sake of Allâh and hating for the sake of Allâh.”[12]

Notes:

[1] That is when the person is not mindful of Allâh and not even striving to remove it (the image) from his own soul so that his Ubûdiyyah becomes purely sincerely for his Lord. Thus in this case it cannot be considered an absolute evil and, hence, it cannot be more harmful than that which was mentioned about the other case. (Al-Albânî).
[2] That is because the continuous attachment of the heart to the image, according to the above detail, must force the person to disobey the Sharî‘ah even in an aspect which is not directly related to the greatest Fâhisha (blatant sin) such as neglecting some of his own personal obligations or those of whom he supports. (Al-Albânî).
[3] Sûrah Yûsuf 12:24
[4] Sûrah Ankabut 29:45
[5] Sûrah Shams 91:10
[6] Sûrah Alâ 87:14-15
[7] Sûrah Nûr 24:30
[8] Sûrah Nûr 24:21
[9] Sûrah Ma’ârij 70:20-21
[10] Reported by [Bukhârî & Ibn Mâjah] from Abû Hurairah.
[11] Reported by [Abû Dâwûd] and it has good isnâd (chain of narration).
[12] Reported by [Ahmad & at-Tabarânî] and it is Hasan.

Extract from the thesis of Shaikhul Islam Ibn Taymiyyah (rha) known as 'Al-Ubûdiyyah'

Where is the quoted text from?

it was taken from Extract from the thesis of Shaikhul Islam Ibn Taymiyyah (rha) known as 'Al-Ubûdiyyah'

[GuestFellow]

:sl:
from shiekh ul-Islam rahimahullah


if the above is something unintentional on her part (as the result of relationships between people happens unconsciously/unknowingly), what is wrong if what was described happens? why is it such a bad thing? if it's outside marriage, it's understandable, but why is it such a bad thing otherwise? and why is it so important for him to escape :hiding:

and no chauvinistic replies please...

It sounds like a warning for husbands to be aware if your being manipulated or controlled by your wife to the extent where it is affecting your religious practices. That is the impression I got.

and why isn't it that if it happens the other way around, it isn't criticized? imsad

Probably due to culture.

AsSalamOAlaikum WaRehmatuAllah WaBarkatuhu

What does that mean? :embarrass

FiAmaaniAllah

Chauvinistic means somebody with sense of superiority: somebody with an excessive or prejudiced loyalty to a particular gender, group, or cause.

[S_87]

Selam aleykum sister,

Interesting question, I have no answers to give. I also wanted to say, it fascinates me, 'cause it sounded so unrealistic, I have yet to hear or see that kind of love.

Where is the quoted text from?

well tbh it doesnt have to be the 'puppy eyed when looking at wife' type of thing. For instance theres many stories/jokes you can hear of in my community which basically leads to saying, if you want a man to do something, dont tell him. tell his wife! and youll get it done. of course this is not in every case and with every situation but you get the general meaning :p