Help me with this awful predicament I'm in.

[Melancholy]

My mother and I have never had a good relationship. I wish that we were closer and got along well. She calls me name such as fat, ***** and ugly, i'm already insecure she's always making me feel bad about myself. What should I do? It's getting to the point where I'm depressed and contemplating leaving. I have a couple of years until Uni and I can't wait that long. What should I do to reconcile this relationship?imsad

[Muhaba]

Talk to her, like ask her why she's calling you such names. Maybe show her the following verse from Surah Al-Hujurat, where Allah instructs the muslims not to call each other by offensive names:

O you who believe! Let not a group scoff at another group, it may be that the latter are better than the former; nor let (some) women scoff at other women, it may be that the latter are better than the former, nor defame one another, nor insult one another by nicknames. How bad is it, to insult one's brother after having Faith [i.e. to call your Muslim brother (a faithful believer) as: "O sinner", or "O wicked", etc.]. And whosoever does not repent, then such are indeed Zalimun (wrong-doers, etc.).

(49:11)

If that doesn't work, then ask an someone else (a relative, a close friend of your mother's) to intervene. Also read Surah Al Falaq, Surah Al-Nas, etc over yourself and your mom as well as blow it into food and drinks and have your mom eat/drink it (but don't tell her that you've done that). It may be that someone has done black magic or evil eye on you. Do lots of dua' as well. May Allah help you.

[cat eyes]

My mother and I have never had a good relationship. I wish that we were closer and got along well. She calls me name such as fat, ***** and ugly, i'm already insecure she's always making me feel bad about myself. What should I do? It's getting to the point where I'm depressed and contemplating leaving. I have a couple of years until Uni and I can't wait that long. What should I do to reconcile this relationship?imsad

Cheer up honey buni i am sure your mums just messing around and dose not mean to be insensitive. its not allowed but i think you should tell her nicely thats its effecting you deeply. some people are actually like that by nature but when somebody treats them like that so they cant take it.. ive seen it! so mabe your mum never met her match before. if she would have done so she would know it hurts like hell!

but i will agree with the sister above and inshallaah it will work out for the best!:)

[Rasema]

:sl:
Be patient. Me and my mother dispute and I thaught because I defended Islam in a bitter way Allah was on my side when in reality Allah is with those who are patient.

One thing I know is that it's not you. She is probably having someother problems and is taking them out on you. I know how you feel and ,allhamdulillah, you have a way out.


"Our Lord! Thou createdst not this in vain. Glory be to Thee! Preserve us from the doom of Fire. (191) Our Lord! Whom Thou causest to enter the Fire: him indeed Thou hast confounded"



Read this: Even if she was completely and publicly non-muslim, you obey her in whatever it is that is not disobeying God in obligations. Rasema you are on an Islamic forum asking a citizenship question, the only thing here that we can give you with a bit of knowledge is remind you of Islamic principals, and the highest of them is to obey your mother in whatever it is that she says if it is not disobeying God, and there is nothing in the citizenship that is disobeying God. The other stuff she's saying about leaving Islam practice right now and all that you don't have to obey (as long as it is obligatory, parents have the right to tell you not to pray nawafel or to not go on voluntary umra, or to not study specialized material) as long as you treat them kindly about it. Otherwise their obedience even if it was in silly Dunya matters as you think of, is part of obeying God.

Sheikh Haywa Bin Shorayh used to be in his Islamic lecturing class where he was teaching hundreds of students (what better deed to be doing for God and the afterlife) when his mother would call on him: "Haywa, get up and feed the chickens!!" And his response would be to comply without question or delay. If you spend your life praying only the required prayers without nawafel, fasting ramadan without extras, and just do your mother's requests and trying to please her to the best of your abilities, you would have spent your life better than the bowing prostating masses and would meet God having earned more good deeds on your scale than those who fasted the days and read quran all through the night (if they didn't do as you did that is, but most of such people are pious and completely devoted to their parents too). So if you are seeking Islam, this IS ISLAM, and it's an obligation you may not ignore simply because you disagree with what she requests or because you don't like her motivation Worldly superficial motivation, because you are not obeying her out of understanding her logic anyway, you're obeying her because it's the highest most righteous deed a person can do in Islam. People were turned away from Jihad and muslims went to defend against the advancing hordes of infidels outnumbered because of men asked to stay behind and take care of and please their old parents. That's how high this is.

As for the oath and all that stuff, remember that Ibrahim -pbuh- when he learned that the king of the city he was entering with his wife was getting married women's husbands killed, he lied at the gate and said she was his sister. Like many here said they wouldn't ask that army question in the first place.

Did I mention what a big deal it is to obey your mother even if you don't like it and how much you'll be rewarded for it in Islam?!




have never heard a single scholar ever asked about ANYTHING that a mother asked a person to do, and the scholar said anything other than "Do it immediately without delay!" That included leaving a beloved suitor, or marrying a specific woman, or staying away from a feud, or not going even on Umra (but not the obligatory haj, otherwise it is disobedience to God and you should go in spite)! Sheikh Shenqeetee has explained it in a profound lecture that brought him to tears when he remembered his dead mother, that with Parental Pleasure, every portal of mercy and providence is opened for you that whatever you do in life is blessed just because you're pleasing your mother.

He told of a young man who came to him once asking him that his mother is insisting that he marries this unattractive skinny girl that wasn't even a good muslim, and he yearned for his cousin who was both beautiful and devout muslim, and the sheikh told him to obey his mother. WHen the man argued that the prophet asked men to seek the one with better religion ("Woman is married for four: either beauty, or social class, or money, or religion. Win the one with the religion your hands will be blessed."), the Sheikh answered that it was mustahabb, not obligatory, and that obeying the mother is obligatory. The man revised the Shiekh over a whole month and the Sheikh maintained his position and told him to keep coming till he's dead if he wants to keep wasting his time, there will be no angle to tackle this.

The man married the woman his mother wanted, and he visited the Sheikh two years later, kissed his hand, and told him that the woman he married was the kindest he could ever imagine, and with marital life she brightened up and took care of herself and gained beauty, and most importantly turned out to be from an unreligious home but was hungry for learning, and learned from him and books and became the most pious he could imagine. As for the cousin he liked, low and behold she went through circumstances that made her depressed and nasty in treatment, and in rejection she dropped her religious obligations and was hardly ever praying anymore.

You don't know where's the good, and God will arrange it for you because you have obeyed him in one of the highest commandments he enjoined upon us as muslims: pleasing and obeying our parents. Because your mother has asked you to do this, and insists you do, and it is not a disobedience to God, you HAVE TO do it if you don't want to be commiting a sin of displeasing your mother, which is a huge one.

Barak Allahu feekee sister
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