to marry or not to marry...

[dovelove]

How many of us would marry a brother or sister that was religious, who had a physical disability which could affect them on a regular basis and may continue throughout their life?

Please give a reasoning behind the yes or no vote.

[dovelove]

No one knows whats round the corner, they could be cured tomo or I could be disabled tomo, I get what Allah wills and its a done deal ;)

[IbnAbdulHakim]

if shes amazing why not


if shes bad in religion of course not




the disability has nothing to do with out, deen/personality - thats all that matters

[Cabdullahi]

the range my scope will cover is most people, those disabled are also included i call them ''the potentials ''
i am no prince rather more like a quasimodo
however impious people are outside my scope

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[zakirs]

It depends on the person bro, if she is a brilliant person and has qualities i look for .. why not ? disability is just a inconvenience, it can be dealt with..

if shes a cow of course not

not funny :|

[HopeFul]

I dont know, I am not strong enough to have made that move, espeically if the disability affected the daily life.

I think it would mean more responsibility, unless I had a good communication with the person and they were religious, in that case, I may have married a disabled person regardlessof he above.

[BlissfullyJaded]

:sl:

*Thread Moved*

Depends on what the disability is and where I am in life, whether I could handle that or not. Easy to say yes, but reality proves different.

[Ummu Sufyaan]

:sl:

How many of us would marry a brother or sister that was religious, who had a physical disability which could affect them on a regular basis and may continue throughout their life?

Please give a reasoning behind the yes or no vote.

depends what kinds of disability it is tbh. also it depends how much i felt i was able to bear with it, as people with some disabilities need 24/7 care, which may be a little too much for me to handle. so, for both our sakes, i may not go ahead with it.

[Humbler_359]

:sl:

What would you say minor disability that someone who wear hearing aid? This person is only hearing loss, but religious, good personality, and responsible. I am myself hearing loss when I was fell down accidently at age 5.

It is due to some people discriminate hearing loss disability and afraid of married. Indeed, it is not big issues, and they need to understand clear misconception.

[Laila01x]

I would marry someone disabled as this does not bother me..I would look after him and care for him...my aunty is disabled she is still human,...we dont know whats round the corner...and what could happen to us.

Allah Knows Best!

[nebula]

I wouldn't mind marrying a disabled sister but id have to think about it if it was a type of disability where id have to care for like 24/7... i dont think anyone would like to be married out of pity

[Caller الداعي]

ye i think it depends on the disability if they cant fulfil the other persons rights then it would difficult.

[Khayal]

:sl: If I were not married than.....

Well it depends, what type of disability he has, I had a proposal from a brother who was a Doctor and was slightly limp, and at that time I thought, it could have happened to anyone any time to anybody, so I was OK, with that proposal, but my family didn't accept that proposal..
So, our fate is all dependent of what Allaah SWT has already written, if you marry a healthy person what's the garunteed he/she will be healthy their whole life, or even i f you will be healthy your whole life.

So for me, I will perform Istekhara and will go with it ( obviously not too bad disabled...May Allaah SWT forgive me..)

:wa:

[The Ruler]

No.

I've wondered if I must give my reasons, but decided against it.

[aadil77]

If I was a sis and that brother had a disability which prevented him from providing for the family, then definate no

If it was a disabled sis, then still no, because if you yourself alhamdulillah have no disability then you will struggle for happiness with someone who is who isnt on your level, if you understand what I mean. And if there isnt happiness theres money involved, you will still have problems

[Ansariyah]

right now alhamdulilah Allah gave us everything we need, but imagine wat if god forbid we get into an accident, loose legs, hands, n Allah took it all. Or soemthing else happens, wud we want someone to love us, be wit us, marry us? We all know the answer...

Talk is Cheap!

[convert]

it depends

[Cabdullahi]

No.

I've wondered if I must give my reasons, but decided against it.

queen grimhilde's ego is on song today

[S_87]

Allah knows what my answer would be in like 10 years or something but atm- no

[KiWi]

i dont know..i guess it depends on a lot of things
Allahu a3lam

[ژاله]

right now alhamdulilah Allah gave us everything we need, but imagine wat if god forbid we get into an accident, loose legs, hands, n Allah took it all. Or soemthing else happens, wud we want someone to love us, be wit us, marry us? We all know the answer...

Talk is Cheap!

well said yanoorah!

[The Ruler]

queen grimhilde's ego is on song today

And I don't see how that relates to my post. But thank you for letting me know?

[Snowflake]

:sl:

Well, when I was younger I was actually seeking a brother with physical disabilities. I really wanted to make a difference to someone's life and prove to them that being disabled doesn't mean they don't deserve to be loved etc. I never found one :(

But that was then. Now my answer would be 'no'. (Unless it was someone I'd already planned to marry and something happened to him.)

[Tony]

Anyone who is married has married someone with abilities and non abilities, the question is really Do you veiw people with a disability as your equals ? Now with this in mind reconsider your responses and see if you answer the same. A very good thread and I am impressed by the answers, May Allah releive the suffering to people and families affected by disabilities, Ameen

[dovelove]

:hmm: over 300 veiws and under 30 post / votes... :embarrass

@ Tony

Reconsidered and me thinks of course they are my equals, we are all equal as humans the only thing one has over another is piety. Obviously other factors would need to be taken into consideration such as good character, religiousness, compatible personalities and attractiveness, but these do not rule out someone in a wheelchair, with a limp, or with cruthes or artifical limbs, cos we are meant to go for the religious ones anyways, and everything else is a bonus. Yes I guess being married to disabled mite be hard to cope with sometimes or always, but inshAllah there will be plenty reward each day, patience and caring for the sick.

Imagine one day the healthy people turn sick and the sick people turn healthy.. we never know whats the round the corner and something may seem hard but there be alot of blessing in it, so I would trust in Allah, cos Allah knows best

@ the Ruler and the other 300 and odd that no post or vote but view :hiding:

Hey why dont you use anonymous poster so we can see what you all really think?

[GuestFellow]

Ah well if she is a good Muslim...then that is all that really matters to me.

[Mr.President]

if shes amazing why not


if shes bad in religion of course not




the disability has nothing to do with out, deen/personality - thats all that matters

I with u agree bro !!!

[InToTheRain]

:salam:

I voted yes, if her Attitude towards Islam and her personality makes up for it why not?

It's a really broad question in the first place, results probably be same if you asked "would you marry non-disabled person with bad breath?" ?

[Woodrow]

As I am considered to be be 100% disabled I am very pleased that my wife and deceased wives were willing to marry a disabled person. When I was first injured and lost the use of my arms and legs for about a year I gained some insight into what it is meant to be disabled. As I was forced to spend a length of time as an observer of life and not as an active participant I became aware that all humans are disabled in one form or another. Everybody has physical and/or mental disabilities. The problem is not the disability, but how the individual lives with it.

A person aware of his/her disabilities can often achieve much more then those who mistakenly believe they have no disability. It is a severe disability for a person to believe he/she is not disabled.

[Hayaa]

A person aware of his/her disabilities can often achieve much more then those who mistakenly believe they have no disability. It is a severe disability for a person to believe he/she is not disabled.

SubhanAllah, beautifully said. I've read several articles and watched videos of people with severe handicaps who have made so much out of their lives and even strive to positively influence others. Why is it that when they can be so optimistic despite being born with disabilities, we (myself, mostly) are so ungrateful and impatient?

[cat eyes]

i would marry a disabled person if he looked like colin farrel or johnny depp like he'd have to be good looking thats being honest now

[Ayesha_Hanif]

persnality has alwaysed mattered to e and if i knew the man and he was a good muslim and a good person then why not. and tick the right boxes for me. then i would but am already married. and if my hubby was disabale before we got married and i knew him like he is now then i would have still married him.

[cat eyes]

persnality has alwaysed mattered to e and if i knew the man and he was a good muslim and a good person then why not. and tick the right boxes for me. then i would but am already married. and if my hubby was disabale before we got married and i knew him like he is now then i would have still married him.

yes i 100percent agree with you that you can fall in love with a persons heart once you get to know them:cry: your post was so sweet:cry:

[Raphael]

A person aware of his/her disabilities can often achieve much more then those who mistakenly believe they have no disability. It is a severe disability for a person to believe he/she is not disabled.

That blew me away!

[Woodrow]

That blew me away!

It is a fact, virtually every person has at least one disability. The most handicapped people I know are not even aware they are disabled. Once a person becomes aware of his disabilities, he can keep them from being a handicap keeping him from achieving his full potential.

Years ago when I worked as a Vocational Rehabilitation Counselor. I soon discovered that many severally disabled people are not handicapped and live full productive lives. I also learned that a physical disability, or emotional disability or both can be found in any person who is thoroughly evaluated.

Many states do prefer to hire people with recognized disabilities as Vocational Rehabilitation Counselors. Louisiana was one of them. We were Assigned case loads and worked with people we had similar disabilities as. For example all of the Counselors for blind people were blind. although I only worked as a VR Counselor during the interim periods I did not have any research projects I managed to get in about 5 years of work experience and became quite adept at identifying disabilities in people even when they were not aware of them. I have yet to met a person, I can not identify at least one disability the person has, even if they are unaware of it. The only person who would not have any disabilities would be the perfect person, I do not believe such a person exists in today's world.

[zakirs]

I do not believe such a person exists in today's world.

yes exaclty , 1500 years ago though such a blessed man walked on this earth. (peace be upon him)

[Musaafirah]

Don't know.
When I get a proposal I take into account all their merits and shortfalls.
But, yeah, as mentioned, it's easy saying yes on the forum. But if it's a disability which severely restricts their movements then, I don't know.

[catalzzy]

:sl:

i could marry a disabled person, since i was infected by the virus when i was in my mother's womb and i became deaf. Alhumdiliah, its great tho... cos its easy to sleep in noisy places but when it comes to thinking that, as if i would marry a hearing person, she would have gotten herself worried tht i could have a deaf children because of his deafness. so, in my opinion, Allah Taala can create anything so therefore, if 2 deaf couples have a hearing child. so yeah, i think people nowdays are discrimiating and judging by their outer side and forgetting what Allah can possibly create anything. :)

[Woodrow]

:sl:

i could marry a disabled person, since i was infected by the virus when i was in my mother's womb and i became deaf. Alhumdiliah, its great tho... cos its easy to sleep in noisy places but when it comes to thinking that, as if i would marry a hearing person, she would have gotten herself worried tht i could have a deaf children because of his deafness. so, in my opinion, Allah Taala can create anything so therefore, if 2 deaf couples have a hearing child. so yeah, i think people nowdays are discrimiating and judging by their outer side and forgetting what Allah can possibly create anything. :)

Although my hearing has now been restored. When I lost my hearing I saw it as a blessing. I often feel more disabled since it has been restored. Deafness when appreciated can be a great gift.

[mammyluty]

for those who say no marrying a dissabled it culd b a test from Allah that u marry a normal human n then later in life he or she gets runned down by a car whch ends up in a wheel chair!r u going to divorce the wife or ask the husband to divorce u!?

[- IqRa -]

To be completely honest, I wouldn't as I don't think I would be able to handle them. I guess I'm shallow but that is my opinion.

[dovelove]

for those who would not marry a disabled due to whatever reasons, how would you feel if subhanAllah u had a disabled child? Or again what would you do if ur hubby/wifey did buk up in an acident and ended up unable to walk, had to have major surgery to save their life, organs, limps removed, blind, deaf, took up with post traumatic stress disorder, panic attacks, anxiety etc?

obviously not many of us know how we would ultimately react act in the given situation but im just trying to get a feel on where do disabled people fit into the scale of muslim behaviour, so I not asking what you should do but what would you do or think you would do?

And what goes through your mind when you see or meet a disabled muslim, do you question them what happened, do you pity them, do they disgust you, do you tell them things will be ok, do you try to be sensitive towards them?

im not really nosey just interested and concerned.

Fe aman Allah u and urs
peacelove

[S_87]

And what goes through your mind when you see or meet a disabled muslim, do you question them what happened, do you pity them, do they disgust you, do you tell them things will be ok, do you try to be sensitive towards them?

i have a couple of people in my family that are noticeably disabled, one so severely they are a vegetable, everytime i see her i feel like crying because she has sooooooooooooo much patience subhanAllah-literally a vegetable, cant do nothing.
another is a cousins daughter, she likes to be treated normal and she is. i do feel for her when her bones are hurting etc but dont think her disability is something to be ashamed of.
other minor stuff like crooked arm/limp etc i dont see that as a 'disability' as such.

i did say no to the original question after reading some posts/it really depends what is considered a 'disability' SubhanAllah.

[cat eyes]

:sl:ive seen many attractive people in wheelchairs :statisfie

[Who Am I?]

:sl:

One of my best friends has cerebral palsy and walks with a cane. To be honest, I don't even see it most of the time. I have said something about going bowling or something like that he has to remind me that he can't because of his condition.

So no, I would have no problem marrying anyone with a disability.

[Futuwwa]

I would. If there is true love, such things can be overcome.

Now here's another similar question: Could you marry someone with a sexually transmittable disease? Let's say that it is one which is nonlethal and which doesn't prevent enjoying sex, but causes considerable pain during your daily life.

[joyous fairy]

Assalam alaykum.

It would depend on the disability, because if it was a serious one where say he couldnt walk/move and needed 24 hr care then I'd find it difficult to look after him on my own. But obviously I'd look at all the other qualities in that person before making the final decision.

I'd have to consider both our rights. What if we werent able to fulfill each others' rights and it led to a miserable marriage? What if at first I'm like 'I dont mind looking after you, I'd sacrifice my own life to look after you etc' and then after living with him for a few months, found it too difficult, or found the responsibility too much? And he felt like he was a burden on me? And then we both became depressed? And then it leads to a breakdown of the marriage leaving us both in a bad, sad situation?

[Alpha Dude]

Before marriage, if given that option, I'd be tempted to decline (although depending on the severity of the disability). I think most people would.

It's easy to sacrifice certain rights in the initial stages but shaytan will attack you left right and centre and make the marriage (which in itself is already a difficult endevour) that much more harder. So it's a question of being practical and logical.

[taz...]

the fact of the matter is, someone who is perfect physically could be a complete idiot. so, i think deen matters ALOT, and if you have enough iman to look past the physical, then yes, its possible.
But you have to have the means to do that.
easier said than done.

[syed1]

I said no only because the question cannot be asked in a simple yes or not format as there are many things one would take into consideration when making such a decision...

if the person happens to be someone I knew, and loved before they fell into a disabled state then I would most likely say yes and stay with that person but if it was a complete stranger who I had not known and was asked to marry, I would definitely say no...

[marwen]

This could happen to any one of us anytime : car accident, disease, etc. We could be disabled and looking for someone to love us and care about us. Not choosing someone because he is disabled is really..harsh, if we put ourselves in his shoes.
Who really knows what could happen in the future ?
Taking care of a disabled partner may seem difficult. But if we have enough love for him/her and we are devoting our life and our deeds for Allah's sake it will become easy and enjoyable. The joy we feel when we give all we have to others for the sake of Allah. We all heard beautiful stories of such couples, especially among muslims.
Don't know what life will bring, but, could not put "No"

[sis muslimah]

It depends on what type of disability, if the brother isnt able to provide then no and if he is abe to then it depends on his personality and if he is practising