some questions...

[Ummu Sufyaan]

:sl:
why is it that i always see articles about the qualities to look for in a wife. why isnt there an emphasis on finding a good husband, despite the hadiths? (or maybe thy haven't been rendered into English yet?). when i was reading this book about raising children a few weeks back, it made mention of the qualities a man should choose, but it didn't mention the qualities a woman should choose in a man, which confused me as i thought it was both their job and responsibility to raise the kids? this takes me to my next point and that is: islamically speaking, whose responsibility is it to raise the child? the mother or the father, or both?


no chauvinistic (or feministic) replies, please

and about marrying someone who is attractive. how important is it, islamically speaking? i mean i know imam Ahmad rahimahullah said something about it, but im wondering how serious it really is or is there this over-rated hype about it and everyone is forgetting that your marriage will be ok if you dont marry someone good looking :$...because isnt there a saying that was said which goes along the lines like marry your daughter off to a pious man becuase if he doesn't like her he will still treat her well (sorry my memory is sketchy :embarrass) but why would you marry someone you dont like to begin with? that tells me that maybe looks aren't the be all and end all and maybe people are just exaggerating it to an extent, maybe?

is the naseesha given regarding this subject in relation to men more them women, or does that not matter?
i hope someone can shed some light on this issue...

[convert]

only shallow people marry for looks. trust me: looks fade quickly if the person is a pain to deal with.

[Ansariyah]

:sl:
why is it that i always see articles about the qualities to look for in a wife. why isnt there an emphasis on finding a good husband, despite the hadiths? (or maybe thy haven't been rendered into English yet?).

:wa:

Theres the 'Ideal Muslim husband' & Ideal Muslimah book..Ive read once online.

when i was reading this book about raising children a few weeks back, it made mention of the qualities a man should choose, but it didn't mention the qualities a woman should choose in a man, which confused me as i thought it was both their job and responsibility to raise the kids?

Whoever wrote that book probably wrote it having only men in mind.:hmm:

Not to worry sis, there are plenty of nice books out there written for both. Just take a stroll down ur nearest islamic book store, last I was there were so manyyy!

this takes me to my next point and that is: islamically speaking, whose responsibility is it to raise the child? the mother or the father, or both?

Obviously both, but I wud imagine the mother will spend most time wit the kids thus its important that she has good qualities that she can instill in her children inshaAllah.

no chauvinistic (or feministic) replies, please

how am I doing so far? lol:embarrass

and about marrying someone who is attractive. how important is it, islamically speaking? i mean i know imam Ahmad rahimahullah said something about it, but im wondering how serious it really is or is there this over-rated hype about it and everyone is forgetting that your marriage will be ok if you dont marry someone good looking :$.

I think its very important to marry someone ur attracted to which means they must be good looking (in ur eyes atleast). Imagine trying to be around someone u found off putting, or simply whom u do not click wit. How will u even want to be close to them or share personal things?

This doesnt mean that we shud only judge people according to looks only, theres the heart, the mind, the character all those other important factors that make a person whole. But good looks on their own dont mean anything...

..because isnt there a saying that was said which goes along the lines like marry your daughter off to a pious man becuase if he doesn't like her he will still treat her well (sorry my memory is sketchy :embarrass) but why would you marry someone you dont like to begin with? that tells me that maybe looks aren't the be all and end all and maybe people are just exaggerating it to an extent, maybe?

That hadeeth I heard, but not the ''if he doesnt like her he will treat her well'' part.

is the naseesha given regarding this subject in relation to men more them women, or does that not matter?
i hope someone can shed some light on this issue...

The naseeha shud be for both, we are talking about marriage here which is a union of 2 people, not 1.

[Muhaba]

:sl:
why is it that i always see articles about the qualities to look for in a wife. why isnt there an emphasis on finding a good husband, despite the hadiths? (or maybe thy haven't been rendered into English yet?). when i was reading this book about raising children a few weeks back, it made mention of the qualities a man should choose, but it didn't mention the qualities a woman should choose in a man, which confused me as i thought it was both their job and responsibility to raise the kids? this takes me to my next point and that is: islamically speaking, whose responsibility is it to raise the child? the mother or the father, or both?

is it because most books written by men?

no chauvinistic (or feministic) replies, please

and about marrying someone who is attractive. how important is it, islamically speaking? i mean i know imam Ahmad rahimahullah said something about it, but im wondering how serious it really is or is there this over-rated hype about it and everyone is forgetting that your marriage will be ok if you dont marry someone good looking :$...because isnt there a saying that was said which goes along the lines like marry your daughter off to a pious man becuase if he doesn't like her he will still treat her well (sorry my memory is sketchy :embarrass) but why would you marry someone you dont like to begin with? that tells me that maybe looks aren't the be all and end all and maybe people are just exaggerating it to an extent, maybe?

I think it would mean that one should choose pious spouses because it is expected that they would treat the spouse well while an unrighteous spouse will not because he/she won't be restrained by Allah's orders. he/she will do as he/she likes. just my own thoughts.

is the naseesha given regarding this subject in relation to men more them women, or does that not matter?
i hope someone can shed some light on this issue...

i think it's even more important for women to get good husbands than for men to get good wives because men can affect women's lives more, force them to do haram things, beat & torture them because of their physical strength and it's more difficult for women to get divorce then for men. Men can easily divorce their wives in the house. they don't have to go to court or anything. additionally women's lives will be much harder after divorce especially if they have children. It's even harder for women to remarry after divorce while divorced men can remarry rather easily. So it's very important to stress that women marry righteous men with good qualities.

Of course men should also marry righteous women but because men have physical strength and the power to divorce women easily and they can marry a second wife even in the presence of the first, so they don't have as many problems as women.

Even Allah has given special consideration to women due to their physical weakness. For example muslim women aren't allowed to marry non-muslim men and women who convert to islam, their marriage is annulled simply by their conversion if their husband doesn't convert as well. Also women who migrated couldn;t be sent back to the kaafirs.

10. O you who believe! When believing women come to you as emigrants, examine them, Allah knows best as to their Faith, then if you ascertain that they are true believers, send them not back to the disbelievers, they are not lawful (wives) for the disbelievers nor are the disbelievers lawful (husbands) for them. But give the disbelievers that (amount of money) which they have spent [as their Mahr] to them. And there will be no sin on you to marry them if you have paid their Mahr to them. Likewise hold not the disbelieving women as wives, and ask for (the return of) that which you have spent (as Mahr) and let them (the disbelievers, etc.) ask back for that which they have spent. That is the Judgement of Allah. He judges between you. And Allah is All-Knowing, All-Wise. (60:10)