Please Help ME.I am confused!

[AnonymousPoster]

salaam Alaykum

I am very scared and I feel like I might make the biggest mistake in my life in a few months..I have been seeing a guy for the past year and we are madly in love most of the time...he met my parents..i met his and we decided to get married this upcoming year..But we also constantly fight about everything..we never agree on anything when we r arguing..our personalities are just sooo opposite at times and when we r not arguing he is the most amazing, the sweetest, funniest and the most loving person ever. he did admit he has anger and trust issues but wants to work on it with my help..he works alot and that stresses him out so he calls me everytime and expects me to make him feel better and be sweet and answer the phone everytime..otherwise he accuses me of not caring about him and loving him and he always accuses me of wanting to be with someone else! He breaks up with me and says I broke his heart and later cries and tells me to forgive him coz he didn't mean anything he said and he doesn't even remember what we fought about..He tells me he doesn't trust me at all then later appologizes and tells me not to listen to anything he says when he is mad coz he is not himself! He is too clingy and sensitive to every little word I say...He expects me to be perfect and sweet everytime like I am his wife already.I truly know he loves me more than anything else and he always puts me first in his life and that puts alot of pressure on me, he has alot of issues when he gets mad or feels uncared for...Being with him is ALOT OF pressure and burden and I don't know if he would change...I love him more than anything else but just don't want soo much pressure, ressentment and jealousy in my life..Part of me is so deeply in love with him and wants to marry him and the other part is just sooo terrified and confused. Please help...

[Muslim Woman]

:wa:

salaam Alaykum

...Being with him is ALOT OF pressure and burden ...

Take ur time , offer Istekhara salat and then take the decision.

[Ummu Sufyaan]

wa alaykum us-Salaam.
pray istikhara sis. dont lead him on. if you're not meant to be together, then end it asap so that you can both move on asap.
p.s if you do break up, since you are so madly in love with one another, just stay away from each other and dont let shaytaan entice you into further sinning. just end it and make utmost effort to stay away from each other and move on :)

[cat eyes]

you must explain in detail how he treats you when you two fight so we can advise you on the right path inshaAllah to prevent you from making the biggest mistake and being trapped with this person. When he fights dose he abuse you? Use vulgar language? You said that he has anger and jealousy issues. Sister you need to think twice okay. This is no joke. Anger is a disease that so many people just cannot control and can possibly get worse once he marries you. Its always the same. Hes sweetning you up now because he sounds possesive and these people always change after marriage. There behaviour gets worse the jealousy gets more intense and leads to extreme anger because once he marries you your his property thats it! Just forget about love! Fighting with ur fiance is not love ok sister please try to put this in your head and keep on saying that to yourself! This is far from love. You already stated that both of yous have totally different personalities. The two of yous might not be compatiable at all. Please dont be niave. Pray istikhara and dont speak with him or SEE HIM until you have it answered!

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[AnonymousPoster]

you must explain in detail how he treats you when you two fight so we can advise you on the right path inshaAllah to prevent you from making the biggest mistake and being trapped with this person. When he fights dose he abuse you? Use vulgar language?

well most of the time he gets mad about me not being there for him as much as he is there for me...like I don't care for him as much as he does or I don't show it often like maybe not answering his calls sometimes or not talking to him in a sweet way!:heated: Sometimes he gets mad coz I stay late studying at the campus library..he says he is worried about my safety but I know for sure he is suspicious of me and thinks I maybe hooking up with other guys SubhanaALlah..he did accuse me of that alot of times:heated: he just never seems to trust me...WHen he is mad he makes all these false accusations about me and how I destroyed his life when all he wanted to do was love me and marry me..he doesn't use any other bad words but just acts all hurt and betrayed. It is just sickening...I always feel guilty when I shouldn't and that kills me..

[Woodrow]

A sad fact of life many young people do not believe

salaam Alaykum

I am very scared and I feel like I might make the biggest mistake in my life in a few months..I have been seeing a guy for the past year and we are madly in love most of the time...he met my parents..i met his and we decided to get married this upcoming year..But we also constantly fight about everything..we never agree on anything when we r arguing..our personalities are just sooo opposite at times and when we r not arguing he is the most amazing, the sweetest, funniest and the most loving person ever. he did admit he has anger and trust issues but wants to work on it with my help..he works alot and that stresses him out so he calls me everytime and expects me to make him feel better and be sweet and answer the phone everytime..otherwise he accuses me of not caring about him and loving him and he always accuses me of wanting to be with someone else! He breaks up with me and says I broke his heart and later cries and tells me to forgive him coz he didn't mean anything he said and he doesn't even remember what we fought about..He tells me he doesn't trust me at all then later appologizes and tells me not to listen to anything he says when he is mad coz he is not himself! He is too clingy and sensitive to every little word I say...He expects me to be perfect and sweet everytime like I am his wife already.I truly know he loves me more than anything else and he always puts me first in his life and that puts alot of pressure on me, he has alot of issues when he gets mad or feels uncared for...Being with him is ALOT OF pressure and burden and I don't know if he would change...I love him more than anything else but just don't want soo much pressure, ressentment and jealousy in my life..Part of me is so deeply in love with him and wants to marry him and the other part is just sooo terrified and confused. Please help...

Stop and think, if he did change, he would no longer be the person you now believe you love. If you feel he needs to change, then the reality is:

What ever it is you feel now, is not love.

[MUNIRAH]

I agree with everyone else

[AnonymousPoster]

A sad fact of life many young people do not believe





Stop and think, if he did change, he would no longer be the person you now believe you love. If you feel he needs to change, then the reality is:

What ever it is you feel now, is not love.

Well we get along most of the time but we still do fight and get over it because most of the fights are just stupid mostly over nothing...the truth is his behavior was not that big of a deal to me in the first 8months and I felt like we just had soo much love to overcome it and we did everytime...except this last fight we had I feel like it all of the sudden brought all the fights we ever had to my attention and for the first time I am questioning whether I want to be with him or not.I never doubted my love for him before. I know he loves me..I really do but I also feel like he needs help/therapy. He had a tough life where his own family picked on him and ex-girlfriends cheated on him..well that is what he tell me anyway..he tells me he has a hard time trusting people because of his life experiences..part of me thinks prayers and therapy can eliminate that part of him so only his loving part can shine! I really do love this guy

[AnonymousPoster]

I did post a more detailed version of this post 3days ago but I just can't seem to find it...I hope the info I added is helpful enough for you guys to give me some more advice...JazakalaAllah khayr for all that already replied to my post...I am hoping for more thanks
salaaaam

[LEGAL-EAGLE]

I would say - communicate the issue to him.

Ask him whether this is the way 2 people can maintain a long term relationship.

That although you care about him it is necesary for both of you to review the situation / relationship as it stands and take steps to overcomming these petty arguments.

Its often a good idea to take baby steps towards a greater goal / objective.

Try to find the root of the problems.

He already admitted he has a problem trusting people from past experience.

He needs to work on this as a starting point and to question whether it is a sound premise / assumption to have about all people / the person he intends to marry.

If he is a reasonable individual he will understand that it is something you'll both have to work on hard.

If he can undertsand that then you'll be on your way to overcomming this hurdle.

If he cant appreciate your point then you would definitly need to ask yourself / each other whether marriage is a viable option in the circumstances.

I hope that helps.

[AnonymousPoster]

I would say - communicate the issue to him.

Ask him whether this is the way 2 people can maintain a long term relationship.

That although you care about him it is necesary for both of you to review the situation / relationship as it stands and take steps to overcomming these petty arguments.

Its often a good idea to take baby steps towards a greater goal / objective.

Try to find the root of the problems.

He already admitted he has a problem trusting people from past experience.

He needs to work on this as a starting point and to question whether it is a sound premise / assumption to have about all people / the person he intends to marry.

If he is a reasonable individual he will understand that it is something you'll both have to work on hard.

If he can undertsand that then you'll be on your way to overcomming this hurdle.

If he cant appreciate your point then you would definitly need to ask yourself / each other whether marriage is a viable option in the circumstances.

I hope that helps.

OOH SubhaAllah thanks soo much..you are the first person yet to actually give me hope in this...99% of the people I asked just said people don't change and it only gets worst when you marry them..it is nice to know there is still something I can work with..something I could fix..Thanks so much

[Muslim Woman]

:sl:

... ex-girlfriends cheated on him..

How many girl friends he had ?? :hmm: All of them were bad but only he is good ?

Sis , take your time to think more about your marriage . I hope ,there is no such hurry in getting married . Also , before marriage , don't spend time with him in private .

[cat eyes]

:sl:



How many girl friends he had ?? :hmm: All of them were bad but only he is good ?

Sis , take your time to think more about your marriage . I hope ,there is no such hurry in getting married . Also , before marriage , don't spend time with him in private .

agree. this might be a clear sign that this guy is not right for at all

[Woodrow]

:sl:



How many girl friends he had ?? :hmm: All of them were bad but only he is good ?

Sis , take your time to think more about your marriage . I hope ,there is no such hurry in getting married . Also , before marriage , don't spend time with him in private .

Good post

It is vital the relationship be kept halal. The second a couple meets privately, Shaytan will join in as a third party.

[cat eyes]

Well we get along most of the time but we still do fight and get over it because most of the fights are just stupid mostly over nothing...the truth is his behavior was not that big of a deal to me in the first 8months and I felt like we just had soo much love to overcome it and we did everytime...except this last fight we had I feel like it all of the sudden brought all the fights we ever had to my attention and for the first time I am questioning whether I want to be with him or not.I never doubted my love for him before. I know he loves me..I really do but I also feel like he needs help/therapy. He had a tough life where his own family picked on him and ex-girlfriends cheated on him..well that is what he tell me anyway..he tells me he has a hard time trusting people because of his life experiences..part of me thinks prayers and therapy can eliminate that part of him so only his loving part can shine! I really do love this guy

but his behaviour sounds to possessive sister really it dose not sound loving and caring to me. if he loved you he would TRUST YOU and not make you feel bad. if you love a person you want to make them happy. you avoid fighting as much as possibly do not be so blinded by love that you think a person of this character can change. if you marry this guy he will make you feel worthless after a while. he will dominate you i guarantee you that and then you will come back to this forum again and you will say do you know what everyone here was right i should have listened to them but by then you will have so much low self esteem because thats how these mentally obsessed crazed men work they take your self worth away from you so you will not leave them because he will dominate you.

[IbnAbdulHakim]

you sound just like someone im very familiar with





my advice is marry him - WHILST avoiding all contact beforehand and both of you should start following every ruling of islam



let me know how it works out

im curious now


Assalamu Alaikum

[InToTheRain]

:sl:

There is a cohesive substance called "Marriage" which bonds relationships and provides a foundation under which the relationship will grow and allows one to stay committed during troubled times.

I have seen it many times were two couples get together before marriage, and because they are not married they are very insecure because either of them can walk out when the **** hits the fan. This leads to mind games and such which can break a person.

Sister I think it would be best for you to get married ASAP or agree in some way to not see each other till your married so it's all Halal and there will be Baraqah in the relationship Insha'Allah

And we all know Allah knows Best
:wa:

[Al Ansari]

assalaamu 'alaikum sister,

In my opinion, I feel that the guy has a sense of gheerah. That is a good thing, but it has to be balanced. Also, it is a huge sin to accuse a chaste woman of zina as he should know. He should not generalize everyone by judging them to other people he has met.

If everyone he met seems to be bad to him, then it may be something in him that is wrong. Allaah knows best.

I would pray the istikharah and seek istisharah as well. You need to think rationally. Try and I stress 'try' to keep your emotions away from your decision.

My advice to you is that people CAN change, but they have to do it for Allaah. If he does it for you, then the moment you make him angry all that goes out the window. He must do it for Allaah. I also advise you to sit and talk to him seriously. Tell him what bothers you. Ask him why he feels the way he feels. You both have to compromise.

I do agree that jealousy and anger is a bad coombination if not channelled correctly for the sake of Allaah. I had a similar issue. I recommend him taking anger management, being around brothers whom he would naturally pick up some of their good akhlaaq.

I will tell you that if you really want to marry this guy then you will do everything that you can to make the right decision, avoid the haraam, and leave the decision to Allaah. Remember HE, Allaah, knows what is BEST for you.

fi amaan Allaah

[AnonymousPoster]

by then you will have so much low self esteem because thats how these mentally obsessed crazed men work they take your self worth away from you so you will not leave them because he will dominate you.

SubhanaAllah sis I am kind of starting to feel that way already...for some reason I kept blaming myself for everything in the beginning...I even got to a point where I doubted myself and thought I was the bad person not him and he was doing all he could to make the relationship work...he is just sooo convincing and he knows how to act really hurt and disappointed..he cries too! But now he admitted he is the one who is messing everything up so he told me to take charge and decide how everything is gonna go in the relationship..

[AnonymousPoster]

assalaamu 'alaikum sister,

In my opinion, I feel that the guy has a sense of gheerah.

slama..
brother what exactly do you mean by "gheerah"? grief? remorse?? I am not all that good with Arabic..thanks so much for your advice bro

[AnonymousPoster]

salaam Alaykum

I am very scared and I feel like I might make the biggest mistake in my life in a few months..I have been seeing a guy for the past year and we are madly in love most of the time...he met my parents..i met his and we decided to get married this upcoming year..But we also constantly fight about everything..we never agree on anything when we r arguing..our personalities are just sooo opposite at times and when we r not arguing he is the most amazing, the sweetest, funniest and the most loving person ever. he did admit he has anger and trust issues but wants to work on it with my help..he works alot and that stresses him out so he calls me everytime and expects me to make him feel better and be sweet and answer the phone everytime..otherwise he accuses me of not caring about him and loving him and he always accuses me of wanting to be with someone else! He breaks up with me and says I broke his heart and later cries and tells me to forgive him coz he didn't mean anything he said and he doesn't even remember what we fought about..He tells me he doesn't trust me at all then later appologizes and tells me not to listen to anything he says when he is mad coz he is not himself! He is too clingy and sensitive to every little word I say...He expects me to be perfect and sweet everytime like I am his wife already.I truly know he loves me more than anything else and he always puts me first in his life and that puts alot of pressure on me, he has alot of issues when he gets mad or feels uncared for...Being with him is ALOT OF pressure and burden and I don't know if he would change...I love him more than anything else but just don't want soo much pressure, ressentment and jealousy in my life..Part of me is so deeply in love with him and wants to marry him and the other part is just sooo terrified and confused. Please help...

slaama
brothers and sisters please give me more advice on this issue. Inshaallh it will be really helpful.imsad

[Ummu Sufyaan]

:sl:
^try emotionally detaching yourself from the situation and look at it as if a friend of yours were in your shoes and you were advising them. what would you do? how would you advise them? what are the pros and cons?
weigh up everything from a logical point of view (put your emotions to the side for a second becuase they will hamper your judgment)

do you think he is going to change? if you do marry him, can you handle it? fast forward 5, 10 years from now and see what your life will be like if you do/do not marry him :)

[random]

I don't know if this will help, but.... my husband was like that. and as some have said it did get worse. He is overly jealous, he accuses me of cheating on him constantly. He gets angry and uses alot of vulgar language. Your description in the begining was like I was reading my own life. Now that we are married, it's easier to hold on, and harder to let go. I've made a commitment to him. I'm starting to wonder if I made a mistake, but marrige is sacred, it's not so easy to end it, even if it hurts. I'm afraid that since I commited to this, his actions don't justify a divorce, and I'm so afraid of angering Allah, because I did marry him. Divorce isn't some trifling matter ya know?

When he gets mad, and yells, it hurts sooooo much. I usually and up crying even when I try really hard not to. It seems like that what he wants though, because if I try to be strong, he just keeps at it, saying worse and worse things until I can't hold out. But, since it happens a lot (every couple of weeks give or take... sometimes every couple of days) he doesn't care if I cry. He gets mad that I'm crying, saying that I'm using that to hurt him. He plays mind games, telling me that he's ok with me doing something, but when i give in and do it (like visiting my parents for the weekend) he explodes at me, and tells me I'm evil, and other names that just wouldn't be nice to put here. He twists everything around, telling me how I'm hurting him, how I'm stressing him out, and how I must not love him very much. He freaks out on me if I don't answer the phone, (usually because i don't hear it, because he has me trained to be terrified of not answering it) but he can go out with his friends (drinking :( and dancing) and not answer the phone, and calls me controling when I tell him that if he expects me to always answer, he should do the same.

He also (like you described) will later say he is sorry, that I sholdn't listen to what he says when he's mad, because he doesn't mean it, in fact he insists that he doesn't even remember what he says when he's mad. He says he doesn't mean it, yet he says it again whenever he gets angry.

It is very stressful, i can't sleep, I can barley eat, and I keep hoping that things will get better, but now I'm afraid I'm deluding myself. I wish I knew what to do.

But, as for you, maybe my experiance can help. To push the point that it probably will get worse, only Allah knows. Everyone is different (ability to change)

but if it's already stressing you out big time, I can tell you now, that for me anyways, Marraige didn't make things better, it got worse, and is getting worse as we go (we've been married 3 years now) My husband has major trust and anger issues, and it doesn't get any easier to deal with.

As you say, when he's on, he's wonderful! but for me.... that wonderful time is few and fair between.

I've tried talking to him, and I think we've touched on all the issues at one point or other. he tries, it usually lasts a few days, but... then he gets angry again, at me, saying that I'm making it so hard forhim. He is sick of trying to make me feel good, that its my turn to focus on him (like I haven't been doing that the whole time??!?!) and that its time for him to focus on himself. I quote '"Its my life, and I'm going to focus on me now"

I don't want to dash your hopes or anything, I just thought that maybe my experiance would help you. I love my husband very much, and I've been fighting for us for a long time. but its a very difficult battle to fight alone. I always thought he loved me but it's harder and harder to see that now.... I think maybe he knows how much I love him, (even after all the things he calls me and accuses me of) because he knows he can say this to me again and again and I won't let go. In a way its partyly my fault, because I let it go on without doing what I should have.

I hope this helps.... I hope he can change, and you can be happy together. Insha'Allah

[syilla]

^^^may Allah give u strength and courage and may Allah grant you happiness in this world and hereafter :)

[Italianguy]

Sooooooo whats the problem here? ......sounds like a normal marriage;D.

OH WAIT!!! Your not married? How did it get this far anyway?

If your not married there's no problem, he is NOT your responsability nor are you his.....again,...not married.:hmm:

Stop stressing out, why involve yourself with such agrivation?

Everybody is going to jump me for this reply but.......THEY ARE NOT MARRIED!

[AnonymousPoster]

I don't know if this will help, but.... my husband was like that. and as some have said it did get worse. He is overly jealous, he accuses me of cheating on him constantly. He gets angry and uses alot of vulgar language. Your description in the begining was like I was reading my own life. Now that we are married, it's easier to hold on, and harder to let go. I've made a commitment to him. I'm starting to wonder if I made a mistake, but marrige is sacred, it's not so easy to end it, even if it hurts. I'm afraid that since I commited to this, his actions don't justify a divorce, and I'm so afraid of angering Allah, because I did marry him. Divorce isn't some trifling matter ya know?

When he gets mad, and yells, it hurts sooooo much. I usually and up crying even when I try really hard not to. It seems like that what he wants though, because if I try to be strong, he just keeps at it, saying worse and worse things until I can't hold out. But, since it happens a lot (every couple of weeks give or take... sometimes every couple of days) he doesn't care if I cry. He gets mad that I'm crying, saying that I'm using that to hurt him. He plays mind games, telling me that he's ok with me doing something, but when i give in and do it (like visiting my parents for the weekend) he explodes at me, and tells me I'm evil, and other names that just wouldn't be nice to put here. He twists everything around, telling me how I'm hurting him, how I'm stressing him out, and how I must not love him very much. He freaks out on me if I don't answer the phone, (usually because i don't hear it, because he has me trained to be terrified of not answering it) but he can go out with his friends (drinking :( and dancing) and not answer the phone, and calls me controling when I tell him that if he expects me to always answer, he should do the same.

He also (like you described) will later say he is sorry, that I sholdn't listen to what he says when he's mad, because he doesn't mean it, in fact he insists that he doesn't even remember what he says when he's mad. He says he doesn't mean it, yet he says it again whenever he gets angry.

It is very stressful, i can't sleep, I can barley eat, and I keep hoping that things will get better, but now I'm afraid I'm deluding myself. I wish I knew what to do.

But, as for you, maybe my experiance can help. To push the point that it probably will get worse, only Allah knows. Everyone is different (ability to change)

but if it's already stressing you out big time, I can tell you now, that for me anyways, Marraige didn't make things better, it got worse, and is getting worse as we go (we've been married 3 years now) My husband has major trust and anger issues, and it doesn't get any easier to deal with.

As you say, when he's on, he's wonderful! but for me.... that wonderful time is few and fair between.

I've tried talking to him, and I think we've touched on all the issues at one point or other. he tries, it usually lasts a few days, but... then he gets angry again, at me, saying that I'm making it so hard forhim. He is sick of trying to make me feel good, that its my turn to focus on him (like I haven't been doing that the whole time??!?!) and that its time for him to focus on himself. I quote '"Its my life, and I'm going to focus on me now"

I don't want to dash your hopes or anything, I just thought that maybe my experiance would help you. I love my husband very much, and I've been fighting for us for a long time. but its a very difficult battle to fight alone. I always thought he loved me but it's harder and harder to see that now.... I think maybe he knows how much I love him, (even after all the things he calls me and accuses me of) because he knows he can say this to me again and again and I won't let go. In a way its partyly my fault, because I let it go on without doing what I should have.

I hope this helps.... I hope he can change, and you can be happy together. Insha'Allah

Oh Subhanaaalah this really made me cry.:cry::cry:I don't want him to be like that when I marry him...this is really getting scarier...I prayed istakharah soo many times but I just never got a clear answer.

[AnonymousPoster]

I don't know if this will help, but.... my husband was like that. and as some have said it did get worse. He is overly jealous, he accuses me of cheating on him constantly. He gets angry and uses alot of vulgar language. Your description in the begining was like I was reading my own life. Now that we are married, it's easier to hold on, and harder to let go. I've made a commitment to him. I'm starting to wonder if I made a mistake, but marrige is sacred, it's not so easy to end it, even if it hurts. I'm afraid that since I commited to this, his actions don't justify a divorce, and I'm so afraid of angering Allah, because I did marry him. Divorce isn't some trifling matter ya know?

When he gets mad, and yells, it hurts sooooo much. I usually and up crying even when I try really hard not to. It seems like that what he wants though, because if I try to be strong, he just keeps at it, saying worse and worse things until I can't hold out. But, since it happens a lot (every couple of weeks give or take... sometimes every couple of days) he doesn't care if I cry. He gets mad that I'm crying, saying that I'm using that to hurt him. He plays mind games, telling me that he's ok with me doing something, but when i give in and do it (like visiting my parents for the weekend) he explodes at me, and tells me I'm evil, and other names that just wouldn't be nice to put here. He twists everything around, telling me how I'm hurting him, how I'm stressing him out, and how I must not love him very much. He freaks out on me if I don't answer the phone, (usually because i don't hear it, because he has me trained to be terrified of not answering it) but he can go out with his friends (drinking :( and dancing) and not answer the phone, and calls me controling when I tell him that if he expects me to always answer, he should do the same.

He also (like you described) will later say he is sorry, that I sholdn't listen to what he says when he's mad, because he doesn't mean it, in fact he insists that he doesn't even remember what he says when he's mad. He says he doesn't mean it, yet he says it again whenever he gets angry.

It is very stressful, i can't sleep, I can barley eat, and I keep hoping that things will get better, but now I'm afraid I'm deluding myself. I wish I knew what to do.

But, as for you, maybe my experiance can help. To push the point that it probably will get worse, only Allah knows. Everyone is different (ability to change)

but if it's already stressing you out big time, I can tell you now, that for me anyways, Marraige didn't make things better, it got worse, and is getting worse as we go (we've been married 3 years now) My husband has major trust and anger issues, and it doesn't get any easier to deal with.

As you say, when he's on, he's wonderful! but for me.... that wonderful time is few and fair between.

I've tried talking to him, and I think we've touched on all the issues at one point or other. he tries, it usually lasts a few days, but... then he gets angry again, at me, saying that I'm making it so hard forhim. He is sick of trying to make me feel good, that its my turn to focus on him (like I haven't been doing that the whole time??!?!) and that its time for him to focus on himself. I quote '"Its my life, and I'm going to focus on me now"

I don't want to dash your hopes or anything, I just thought that maybe my experiance would help you. I love my husband very much, and I've been fighting for us for a long time. but its a very difficult battle to fight alone. I always thought he loved me but it's harder and harder to see that now.... I think maybe he knows how much I love him, (even after all the things he calls me and accuses me of) because he knows he can say this to me again and again and I won't let go. In a way its partyly my fault, because I let it go on without doing what I should have.

I hope this helps.... I hope he can change, and you can be happy together. Insha'Allah

Sister I pray and hope Allah will ease your pain very soon inshallah i will remember you in my prayers. you have been through so much and still strong. Allah will make everything easy for you please keep praying to him.

[AnonymousPoster]

Thank you for you words and your prayers.

Insh'Allah, I will be able to stay strong. With all of that, I will try to keep Islam formost in my mind. That if I do everything I should, Insha'Allah, I will be rewarded. Regardless of how I am treated, the most important thing to focus on is Allah and Islam.

[Donia]

Oh Subhanaaalah this really made me cry.:cry::cry:I don't want him to be like that when I marry him...this is really getting scarier...I prayed istakharah soo many times but I just never got a clear answer.

Asalaamu alaikum sis.

I truly feel for you.
Are you sure you haven't gotten a clear answer... or maybe just not the answer you were hoping for?:hmm:

[Hamza Asadullah]

Sister I pray and hope Allah will ease your pain very soon inshallah i will remember you in my prayers. you have been through so much and still strong. Allah will make everything easy for you please keep praying to him.

Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb, my sister your illegitamate relationship with this man is a major sin and Allah does not bless such relationships. You cannot do isthikhara on that which is haraam.

You should fear Allah and leave such a haraam relationship immediatley. If you die any second now then how will you explain yourself to Allah? Allah will not accept any excuses because you knew what was right and what is wrong but you chose to have the rellationship anyway. So this must end immediatley!

My sister countless people have had failed marriages because of marrying partners they knew they had issues with but married them anyway because they were in "love".

Any married person in here will tell you although love is essential in a mariage it is NOT enough to keep a marriage going. After a while of living with him you will realise what i mean.

Marriage is a team effort and if one member of the team refuses to participate then the team will collapse.

If your personalities are clashing now then what will happen when you spend EVERYDAY and NIGHT with him for years on end?

You know deep in your heart you cannot spend your whole life with a person like that but you can't get yourself to leave him. It is upto you if you want to ruin your life and become a divorcee.

Sister save yourself the pain, torture and mental scarring.Your not married to him right now this is an illegitamate relationship and it is devoid of any blessings from Allah and Allah is revealing him to you so that you can ralsie what you will have to go through.

Sister random's story should be enough for you to realise that some peole are just not right in the head and we all have seen it sister as i have myself.

This guy is obviously obsessed with having control and let me tell you something sister the people who have trust issues and act the way this guy is acting they are the ones that cheat! I hope Allah reveals the truth to you!

Don't take what i say lightly! It is your life and all i can do is advise you best i can and i would seriously advise you to move on with your life without him but if you decide to continue then you will have to pay the consequances and you will surely regret it because time does'nt come back and mental scarring takes so long to go away and imagine what you will have to deal with when you have a terrible marriage which leads to a divorce!

Allah is watching you and you should not continue this haraam relationship any longer. Look at how unhappy you are do you think Allah will give you blessings whilst your committing haraam?

Sister don't let shaythan fool you any longer! You will never find happiness in such a relationship so do what is best for you and save yourself further pain and agony and leave such a forbidden relationship before it gets any worse!

May Allah save you from this man and reveal the truth to you! Ameen