Problems in marriage

[kam]

Salam all,

My husband and I have been married for eights years. We separted for two years a year ago. We got back together because we both started practising our religion properly. I am a convert to Islam. I'm on my deen my eman is strong at the moment. We have three childen together and I get on well with my husbands family and he gets along well with mine.

Recently he told me that he doesn't love me but I wouldn't discribe myself and as unattractive( im in the process of lossing the excess weight). I have asked him what I or we can do to improve our marriage and hes says he doesn't know.

I do feel quite upset about the situation as his is talking about divorce but says hes not sure what he wants. I'm not sure where to go from here.

Any advice welcome. Thanks

[Insaanah]

:sl: sister,

I'm not that good at advice giving I'm afraid :(

But...first thing is to find out why he doesn't love you. Has he said it's because of your appearance, or is it something else, or will he just not tell you?

I guess you'd need to know the cause of the lack of his love before you could tackle it.

[Rabi'ya]

:sl:

sis, again im not necessarily the best person to give advice. the only thing I would say is, firstly, you BOTH need to pray istikhara, sincerely to get some guidance from Allah. and secondly, have you considered Muslim marriage counselling?what about speaking to someone with regards to the matter?

sorry i can only advise u a little

[kam]

He says he doesn't know. He doesn't seem to know what he wants or what will make him happy.

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[Khalisah]

Wa alaykumSalam sister.
The fact that you are able to ask him, what he wants you to do, is a great step on your part mashaAllah! I cannot imagine how much you must hurting, I pray that Allah makes this time easy for you.
Give him a little time, to think about what he wants from you, talk to him/ remind him about why he loved you the first time round. Talk about your feelings for him. If you are both starting to practice the deen together- spend time praying together, studying/reading together that will bring you both closer to Allah, and InshaAllah closer to each other. Allah has blessed you both with beautiful children- You should both focus together to bring them up as little Muslims/Mulimahs, and do what is best for them...whatever that my be.
I hope it works out for you, I wish I could help in some way, InshaAllah you will both works this out!
xxx

[kam]

I suggested counselling and he wasn't keen on it. Then he spoke to the Iman who suggested it so now that something that he wants to do. Im actually studying to be a counsellor at the moment. Perosnally I don't see how it will help.

[kam]

Thank you all for your replys. Im finding it hard to find islamic counselling for us. If anyone knows of any counselling services in South London please let me know.

[Rabi'ya]

:sl:

giving advise from an Islamic point of view can help put other things into perspective. Also, he may be able to explain things to someone kinda impartial. islamic counselling is very much differnt from tradtitional British/US counselling. and even these differ too :)

but the first and foremost thing i wud advise is istikhara. The imam or sheikh can realyl help u in the situation inshallah

[Rabi'ya]

does this help at all? http://www.eastlondonmosque.org.uk/?...nselling&cat=1

[Insaanah]

You have my complete sympathy sister,

I wander whether he would tell his family or of they could find out what the problem is. But maybe like you said he just doesn't know, but thats not fair on you. It seems like you need to speak to someone as I don't think it's fair of him to do this if he doesn't know why or won't tell you why. Would the imaam in a local mosque be able to help? Other than that I would agree with sis Rabiyah's advice.

I'm hoping that tomorrow morning inshaAllah more people will see this and respond, and may be able to advise you better than I have.

May Allah help you ease all your difficulties. Ameen.

EDIT- and sis Khalisa's advice. Maashallah you all wrote loads of responses in the time it took me to write this one response!

[kam]

does this help at all? http://www.eastlondonmosque.org.uk/?...nselling&cat=1

Thank you for that information sister but East London is too far for us to travel.

[Rabi'ya]

sis im sure there are plenty of places not too far from you. do u mind me asking which area of South London you live in?

[Insaanah]

What about Tooting Islamic Centre - Sheikh Suleiman Ghani, Imam there might be able to help or suggest help?

[kam]

:sl:

giving advise from an Islamic point of view can help put other things into perspective. Also, he may be able to explain things to someone kinda impartial. islamic counselling is very much differnt from tradtitional British/US counselling. and even these differ too :)

but the first and foremost thing i wud advise is istikhara. The imam or sheikh can realyl help u in the situation inshallah

I will do the above pray I just need to find some more information on how to do it. At the moment I feel very confused I really don't know what is expected of me. I'm on mu deen my eman is stronger than its ever been. I feel like the things that he wants from me are superfcial(sp). Also when we got back togther his eman was stronger than mine, now it is weak. Im concerned because his actions are causing me to lose respect for him.

[kam]

sis im sure there are plenty of places not too far from you. do u mind me asking which area of South London you live in?

I was going to private message you but it won't let me. Im in South East london.

[kam]

What about Tooting Islamic Centre - Sheikh Suleiman Ghani, Imam there might be able to help or suggest help?

Yes I know the islamic Centre I will suggest to my husband. Thnak you.

[kam]

I have to go to bed now as I have college in the morning. I really do appreciate all your replys. I will check the forums tomorrow inshAllah.

[Insaanah]

Sis,

I've gotta go now. InshaAllah I'll be praying for you. If you're near Tooting then Sh. Suleiman Ghani might be a good person to try as above. There is a duaa for istakhara which you read after two raka'ah nafls.

http://www.makedua.com/display_dua.php?sectionid=26

Can you read arabic? otherwise I'll try and find a transliteration tomorrow InshaAllah.

:sl:

[Hussein radi]

My guess is your husband is no longer sexually attracted to you.

[Sameera]

Salams Sister,

How about you, how do you feel about your husband? Do you love him? It may be that he thinks you don't show him enough love and therefore he is reacting, or he may be depressed about some issues which he hasn't spoken to you about. It could also be he has weak iman like you say. How about talking to him? But first you must be cheerful, happy and look and feel your best.

There are a Muslim couple who do counseling one of them is a converts and live not too far from you. In fact you don't need to go there you can have telephone counseling with them and they may even offer you online counseling:

His name is Stephen Maynard (aka Br Abdullah), tel no is: 01582 411 900 / 01582 411 600. The address is 178 Biscot Road, Luton, Beds LU3 1AX

Abdullah Maynard at email: stephenmay@mac.com

His wife's name is Sister Shabnam, her e-mail is sabnumd@yahoo.com

It's worth phoning them and having at least one or two sessions. They also offer Islamic counselling courses.

You see sister, shaytan often brings negative thoughts into the marital relationship to ruin it. I don't think there is anything wrong with either of you, except that may be your husband wants more love and attention from you. It seems like he is going through a rough phase of depression. It may also be that he's been talking to people who have given him negative influences. If his iman is strong then why shouldn't he love whereas he did before? If he doesn't know then may be he does still loves you and neds reminders how to expressit and feel the warmth. You both need to find time to spend time together, relaxing, doing hobbies you both enjoy, meeting families together or having a break somewhere alone and start strengthening your marriage bond. Let him know how you feel about him saying this and ask him what's his opinion about marriage and about trust and how should two people work in a marriage to make the marriage more successful? Sometimes men play up, but you should not take it too seriously and treat it as his bad mood or bad phase which needs to be remedied and never allow the illness to re-occur, by keeping him in fit condition - make him run after you and make your lives more exiting and fun amicable way and never forget to give him love and support that he needs.

Masha Allah I think it's really wonderful you are doing a counseling course. I hope and pray Allah swt makes you successful and keeps you both happy.

Keep your faith strong and always pray to Him.

Wasalam

[kam]

Sis,

I've gotta go now. InshaAllah I'll be praying for you. If you're near Tooting then Sh. Suleiman Ghani might be a good person to try as above. There is a duaa for istakhara which you read after two raka'ah nafls.

http://www.makedua.com/display_dua.php?sectionid=26

Can you read arabic? otherwise I'll try and find a transliteration tomorrow InshaAllah.

:sl:

Thank you sister but I don't speak arabic.

[cat eyes]

:sl:
This seems to be a growing problem and it seems to always happen with those muslims who come to european countries and marry reverts when they have there kids then they leave! its happening to 2 or 3 couples around my area one of the sisters whom i know who i worked with said it was simply because he has got his residence and made his money and now hes causing further problems for her. he married another woman from his country he sponserd another woman to come to the country.

then married her. she believed that he already had this planned long before leaving her so sister your not alone. somebody mentioned do istikhara i think thats a good idea now you need the guidance of Allah i do not know why this happened and i don't know why it happens but ive always believed that if a man tells his wife he no longer loves her and he dose not know what he wants it means that there could be something else hes not telling you. something else which is getting in the way of him fully committing to you forever. sister you cannot make somebody love you just remember.

counseling is not suddenly going to change what he feels in his heart. its very sad to hear as divorce as such a bad effect on children. I do not want to fill your head with negative thoughts however what you should do also is cry to Allah and ask him to reveal to you what is the problem why he suddenly feels this way because i strongly believe there is one thing getting in the way and Allah knows best. i hope it works out for the best inshaAllah
:wa:

[kam]

Salams Sister,

How about you, how do you feel about your husband? Do you love him? It may be that he thinks you don't show him enough love and therefore he is reacting, or he may be depressed about some issues which he hasn't spoken to you about. It could also be he has weak iman like you say. How about talking to him? But first you must be cheerful, happy and look and feel your best.

There are a Muslim couple who do counseling one of them is a converts and live not too far from you. In fact you don't need to go there you can have telephone counseling with them and they may even offer you online counseling:

His name is Stephen Maynard (aka Br Abdullah), tel no is: 01582 411 900 / 01582 411 600. The address is 178 Biscot Road, Luton, Beds LU3 1AX

Abdullah Maynard at email: stephenmay@mac.com

His wife's name is Sister Shabnam, her e-mail is sabnumd@yahoo.com

It's worth phoning them and having at least one or two sessions. They also offer Islamic counselling courses.

You see sister, shaytan often brings negative thoughts into the marital relationship to ruin it. I don't think there is anything wrong with either of you, except that may be your husband wants more love and attention from you. It seems like he is going through a rough phase of depression. It may also be that he's been talking to people who have given him negative influences. If his iman is strong then why shouldn't he love whereas he did before? If he doesn't know then may be he does still loves you and neds reminders how to expressit and feel the warmth. You both need to find time to spend time together, relaxing, doing hobbies you both enjoy, meeting families together or having a break somewhere alone and start strengthening your marriage bond. Let him know how you feel about him saying this and ask him what's his opinion about marriage and about trust and how should two people work in a marriage to make the marriage more successful? Sometimes men play up, but you should not take it too seriously and treat it as his bad mood or bad phase which needs to be remedied and never allow the illness to re-occur, by keeping him in fit condition - make him run after you and make your lives more exiting and fun amicable way and never forget to give him love and support that he needs.

Masha Allah I think it's really wonderful you are doing a counseling course. I hope and pray Allah swt makes you successful and keeps you both happy.

Keep your faith strong and always pray to Him.

Wasalam

Salams Sister,

Everything that you have mentioned seems correct to me and its exactly what I believe. I have mixed feelings about the situation becauuse we have separted before when we were not practising because of similar reasons. This worries me a lot. InshaAllah it will just take some time for us to sort things out.

I dont feel too comfortable talking about this on open forum. So I'm going to leave it at this. I'm wondering if It would be okay to exchange emails over this forum if some of the sisters wouldn't mind and if it's okay with the moderators??

Kam

[cat eyes]

:sl:
Sister your right your not mean't to be telling other folks of your marriage problems but we are only human and its always feels good to know you have support. depression can be caused for a number of reasons like somebody just do not suddenly get depression :) something has to trigger these feelings off! so as i said ask Allah to reveal to you what the problem is and i will inshaAllah remember you in my dua tonight.

[Sameera]

^ Salams,

The sahabas went to the prophet for every issue including sexual problems, menstruation, ghusl etc. You should read some of the sahih hadiths, there should be no feeling of embarrassment in discussing such issues, it is part of seeking knowledge, or to receive counseling for serious problems and for the purpose of reconciliation through two arbiters for each (Quran 3:35). This is neither the same as going around divulging secrets of marital life for the pure sadistic enjoyment of it, nor backbiting.

“Say (unto them, O Muhammad): Are those who know equal with those who know not? But only men of understanding will pay heed.” (Az-Zumar: 9)

`A’ishah, the wife of the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, made this clear: "Blessed are the women of the Ansar (the citizens of Madinah). Shyness did not stand in their way seeking knowledge about their religion." (Reported by The Group save at-Tirmizi).

“Sex education means informing a young man and woman about how to satisfy sexual desires innate in them according to the laws established by Almighty Allah."

Islam Online: Sexual Education

Also see:

Backbiting & Psychotherapy

Ws

[kamran javed]

marrege is best or bad in our life

[Sameera]

Kam you can e-mail me anytime. It's not my real name so don't worry. None of us know each other here, you can also send me a PM or, continue posting here.

Ws

[kam]

[QUOTE=cat eyes;1248154]:sl:
This seems to be a growing problem and it seems to always happen with those muslims who come to european countries and marry reverts when they have there kids then they leave! its happening to 2 or 3 couples around my area one of the sisters whom i know who i worked with said it was simply because he has got his residence and made his money and now hes causing further problems for her. he married another woman from his country he sponserd another woman to come to the country.

then married her. she believed that he already had this planned long before leaving her so sister your not alone. somebody mentioned do istikhara i think thats a good idea now you need the guidance of Allah i do not know why this happened and i don't know why it happens but ive always believed that if a man tells his wife he no longer loves her and he dose not know what he wants it means that there could be something else hes not telling you. something else which is getting in the way of him fully committing to you forever. sister you cannot make somebody love you just remember.

counseling is not suddenly going to change what he feels in his heart. its very sad to hear as divorce as such a bad effect on children. I do not want to fill your head with negative thoughts however what you should do also is cry to Allah and ask him to reveal to you what is the problem why he suddenly feels this way because i strongly believe there is one thing getting in the way and Allah knows best. i hope it works out for the best inshaAllah
Im not sure how this relates to my situation both myself and my husband are british we have been married for 8 years. Im not trying to make him love me. Im trying o see if the situation can be resloved as we have children. As the Iman said if all muslims decided to get divorced because they have fallen out of love with each other no one would be married..
Ss

[Sameera]

Im not sure how this relates to my situation both myself and my husband are british we have been married for 8 years. Im not trying to make him love me. Im trying o see if the situation can be resloved as we have children. As the Iman said if all muslims decided to get divorced because they have fallen out of love with each other no one would be married..
Ss

Salams,

Kam, you are right. It is really good to see masha Allah you are thinking positively and intending to resolve these issues.

I really do think he loves you, especially since you have spent time and have children together. Sometimes the marriage goes a bit stale when there is too much work, responsibilities, no rest, or too mush stress/distress then a habit and a pattern grows. Suddenly one partner feels that something is not right and pushes the blame on a loveless marriage when it isn't. It's just the trials of modern day living that need to be resolved; boredom, lack of initiative, lack of motivation and depression are all part and parcel of the new world game. The West do not try to help families to success, but hinder any pathway leading to it.

It is our inner jihad, striving that will make us succeed and no marriage is successful without both spouses sacrifice. What is needed is more love, forgiveness and effort on both sides. It's about building a good relationship in a marriage and from there love will grow.

I'd advise sister go for counseling insha Allah, it will help you both tremendously. Br Abdullah and his wife Shabnam both do marital counseling.

(Also note that, modern day contraceptives, change a females hormones, can have an adverse affect on a relationship, causing various problems and discomfort, allergies, etc during intimacy).

Ws

[CuteStuff]

You need to maintain the spark in the marriage - How about going away together just you two and see how that goes?

[CuteStuff]

but falling out of love - doesnt mean you should divorce - feelings come and go - thats just life.

[Insaanah]

Asalaamu alaikum sister,

The transliterationto the istikhaara duaa is:

Allaahumma innee astakheeruka bi ilmika wa-astaqdiruka biqudratika wa-as'aluka min fadhlika al-adheem. Fa innaka taqdiru walaa aqdiru, wa ta'lamu walaa a'lamu wa anta allaamul ghuyoob. Allaahumma in kunta ta'lamu anna haadhal-amr* khayrun lee fee deenee wa-ma'aashee wa-aaqibati amree, fa'qdirhulee wa-yassirhu lee thumma baarik lee feeh. Wa in-kunta ta'lamu anna haadhal amr* sharrun lee fee deenee wa-ma'aashee was-'aaqibati amree, fasrif'hu annee wasrifnee 'anhu. Waqdir liyal khayra haythu kaana thumma ardhinee bih.

When you get to "haadhal amr", you can not only think of your problem, but mention it too (in your own language if you want).

I've taken the transliteration from the below link but simplified it and made a few spelling corrections to it, so use this one rather than the one in the link.

Here's the link I got it from:

http://www.turntoislam.com/forum/showthread.php?p=1352

May Allah help you and ease your problems. Ameen.

:sl:

[cat eyes]

:sl:
I did not say that it relates to your problem i am saying that your not Alone there is other women like you who went through the same thing. her husband told her the same thing then left as he was not willing to sort out. it seems to be very common nowadays as somebody else said in the thread it was because hes not sexually attracted to you that is not the case with everybody anyway all the best
:wa:

[Sameera]

It's easy to fall back in love, when there is mutual understanding, forgiveness and self acceptance.

[buddy1]

sounds like we need woodrow on this case?! sis i had this problem that started around this time last year? different circumstances, but i was married, im non muslim, he's muslim, 3 kids, one at the time was a few months old, he decided that because he was in the army a was possibly being deployed that it was ok to up and leave, i was at a loss, didnt know what to do...... my advise.... 1 year (almost) later, let him do what he thinks is right, you may not (almost definiately not) think its right but everything happens for a reason, you should sit down, speak to him, explain you are worried for yours and your familys welfare, let him explain what it is he plans to do, my husband left me and my babies behind and i have recently found out from a third party he is about to father someone else child, and my goodness its so hard doing it on your own, but your will eventually realise that it may well benefit you in the long run. i certainly not setting this in stone by saying that your better off without, but as i said nearly a year on im a different person, he has nothing to do with us anymore which upsets me because he is missing our children growing up but im stronger than ever and everything my children are is down to me. i have coped so well and i am a brilliant mum, and its down to what happened.

try your best to work things out, but dont think you have failed if it doesnt work, look at it as the second option. beleive me, you will see it however it turns out to be the better option either way!

Woodrow needs to release his knowledge on here now, he knows toooooo much!

good luck, im praying for you xx

[kam]

Salams All,

Thank you all for your support and replies. InshaAllah things will work out positively for my family.

[glo]

Salam all,

My husband and I have been married for eights years. We separted for two years a year ago. We got back together because we both started practising our religion properly. I am a convert to Islam. I'm on my deen my eman is strong at the moment. We have three childen together and I get on well with my husbands family and he gets along well with mine.

Recently he told me that he doesn't love me but I wouldn't discribe myself and as unattractive( im in the process of lossing the excess weight). I have asked him what I or we can do to improve our marriage and hes says he doesn't know.

I do feel quite upset about the situation as his is talking about divorce but says hes not sure what he wants. I'm not sure where to go from here.

Any advice welcome. Thanks

Welcome to the forum, Kam. :)

I am trying to piece your history together.
You have been married for 8 years and have converted to Islam a year ago.

Can I ask if you married a Muslim and then converted to Islam, or whether you married a non-Muslim and you both converted to Islam?

[Sameera]

^ Salams, the above question is irrelevant, we have to respect her privacy and not dig into the past as to the circumstances about her/or her husbands belief before or after marriage, in order to prevent room for malicious recrimination by anyone.

[Sameera]

Salams All,

Thank you all for your support and replies. InshaAllah things will work out positively for my family.

Insha Allah they will :)

Ws

[YusufNoor]

Salam all,

My husband and I have been married for eights years. We separted for two years a year ago. We got back together because we both started practising our religion properly. I am a convert to Islam. I'm on my deen my eman is strong at the moment. We have three childen together and I get on well with my husbands family and he gets along well with mine.

Recently he told me that he doesn't love me but I wouldn't discribe myself and as unattractive( im in the process of lossing the excess weight). I have asked him what I or we can do to improve our marriage and hes says he doesn't know.

I do feel quite upset about the situation as his is talking about divorce but says hes not sure what he wants. I'm not sure where to go from here.

Any advice welcome. Thanks

:sl:

to quote tina turner, "what's love got to do with it?"

love Allah, love His Messenger and don't sweat the small stuff.

you have 3 kids, Alhumdulillah. they may end up being the brightest scholars in the Din this century. focus on them.

dogging a man about "counseling" can be a bad thing. he already needs an attitude adjustment.

consider this from another point of view:

you got married, had kids. Shaytan got you to split up.

Allah brought you together again when you started practicing your Din.

Shaytan is not happy on either account! he will try to aim you back at the hellfire. May Allah protect you!

tell your husband, Brother, just love me for the sake of Allah. i don't ask any more than that. let's focus on something MORE important, Our Din. we need to learn it so we can teach our children."

If you can do things to be more pleasing to your husband, that is good BUT is is better to do it for yourself. if he is unmindful of the things you do, it might just upset you. just be the best that you can be. focus on your Din.

and if he divorces you, just try to find another husband. it's not the end of the world.

:wa:

[cat eyes]

[QUOTE=YusufNoor;tell your husband, Brother, just love me for the sake of Allah. i don't ask any more than that. let's focus on something MORE important, Our Din. we need to learn it so we can teach our children."

If you can do things to be more pleasing to your husband, that is good BUT is is better to do it for yourself. if he is unmindful of the things you do, it might just upset you. just be the best that you can be. focus on your Din.

and if he divorces you, just try to find another husband. it's not the end of the world.

[/QUOTE]
MashaAllah best Advice ive seen so far. Be mindful of your deen and concentrate on ur kids! We go through this dunya forgetting what matters!!. Id also like 2 add that from my experience in life... All the upz and downs i had 2 go through that its always best to mentally prepare yourself for the worst so that if it dose come to divorce its not going to hurt as much! Your going to be stronger but at the same time having hope that it wont end that way but in your mind prepare yourself if worst comes to worst. And do you know sister when we go through hard timez we really see this world for what it really is and the people in it! Allah tests people so that you come closer to him and you will never look back because you will be happier and at peace.

[kam]

Welcome to the forum, Kam. :)

I am trying to piece your history together.
You have been married for 8 years and have converted to Islam a year ago.

Can I ask if you married a Muslim and then converted to Islam, or whether you married a non-Muslim and you both converted to Islam?

I married a non practising muslim. I converted to Islam when we were not together and he started practising when we were separted. At this point we were not talking much and didn't know that we were both on our deen. Then some how we were brought back together. Then after awhile my eman began to get weak and so did his. Now I'm on my deen and my eman is stronger. Even those this is happening I still feel so strong. Ahumduliah I'm still being and good mother and wife. And I am closer to Allah than I have ever been.

[Insaanah]

I married a non practising muslim. I converted to Islam when we were not together and he started practising when we were separted. At this point we were not talking much and didn't know that we were both on our deen. Then some how we were brought back together. Then after awhile my eman began to get weak and so did his. Now I'm on my deen and my eman is stronger. Even those this is happening I still feel so strong. Ahumduliah I'm still being and good mother and wife. And I am closer to Allah than I have ever been.

Assalaamu alaikum sister :)

Alhamdulillah it's good to hear that your deen and imaan is strong. That's the main thing. Whilst no one knows what will happen in this situation, and we all hope for the best for you, a strong deen and imaan will carry you through it inshaAllah.

Am remembering you in my duaas sister.

:sl:

[kam]

Assalaamu alaikum sister :)

Alhamdulillah it's good to hear that your deen and imaan is strong. That's the main thing. Whilst no one knows what will happen in this situation, and we all hope for the best for you, a strong deen and imaan will carry you through it inshaAllah.

Am remembering you in my duaas sister.

:sl:

Thank you its much appreciated

[Insaanah]

May Allah bless you sister.

If you need any other support/advice or just want to share something or get it off your chest, or want to ask more about this situation, or you want to let us know how you get on, or anything else, please do so. We're all here for you in our small, humble ways. :statisfie

May Allah help you sister. Ameen.

:sl:

[glo]

I married a non practising muslim. I converted to Islam when we were not together and he started practising when we were separted. At this point we were not talking much and didn't know that we were both on our deen. Then some how we were brought back together. Then after awhile my eman began to get weak and so did his. Now I'm on my deen and my eman is stronger. Even those this is happening I still feel so strong. Ahumduliah I'm still being and good mother and wife. And I am closer to Allah than I have ever been.

Thank you for your reply.

The reason I was asking was that I was wondering whether you had marital problems before, and whether you converting to Islam was a way of trying to heal those first rifts.
Clearly that's not the case ...

Do you think you reasons for separation before were similar to your problems now (i.e. your husband not 'feeling in love')
Or is it different this time?

I hope and pray that you will find happiness in your marriage and that you rekindle a good partnership with your husband.
May God keep you and your family safe.

[kam]

Thank you for your reply.

The reason I was asking was that I was wondering whether you had marital problems before, and whether you converting to Islam was a way of trying to heal those first rifts.
Clearly that's not the case ...

Do you think you reasons for separation before were similar to your problems now (i.e. your husband not 'feeling in love')
Or is it different this time?

I hope and pray that you will find happiness in your marriage and that you rekindle a good partnership with your husband.
May God keep you and your family safe.

Yes the reasons are similar. But before it was like he had a breakdown. He was very out of control. It was him who said that he did still love me and that he wanted to get back together. His eman is not as stong as it was when we got back together. We get on okay at home. We talk about other stuff and watch films together. Th only thing that has changed about me is that my eman is now stronger and that I have put on a couple of stones lol. My hairs has been a bit of a mess. That should be sorted by tomorrow. I have to admitt that I have let myself go a bit.

[glo]

^
I hope your husband will notice and appreciate the effort you are making. :statisfie

I'm sure you'll find enough ladies here who can give you advice on how to impress your husband. :)

[Sameera]

:sl:

Can you remember when things started slipping between you two, was it unavoidable or did something trigger it off?

Would you feel better if you stopped eating foods which are making you put on weight? Would you like to lose weight?

Here's some excerpts from an article which I read today:

True love, love for the sake of Allah, burns like a flame in a woman’s heart, gives ineffable delight and is truly lovely for the woman. It is an intense feeling that also has a powerful effect on the man. It is an enormous pleasure...

A person is loved for the sake of Allah. They are loved as a manifestation of Allah, and there is a great and profound delight in that. It is a force that never ends. Allah has bestowed such a depth on almost all women. In other words, if a woman is given this, meaning passion, love, depth and loyalty, she will turn into an unbelievable entity. That woman will disappear, to be replaced by a superhuman entity. All that beauty, depth and passion in her soul begin coming to the surface....

It will treat her, and her hormones will work fine, and her body will return to normal. Her brain will resume functioning normally. Her skin will improve, her eyes will be brighter and her speech will improve. It will affect her hair. She will become a totally different person. The reason why most women lose their beauty and fade is psychological. Lack of true love inflicts terrible damage on a woman...

Loving for Allah’s approval is something totally different. It is a most profound pleasure. There is a special force in people for this. A feeling rather like a sixth sense...

A woman grows old, for instance, gives birth and loses her figure. It is immoral to then send her back to her parents. Of course, she has given birth and undergone that pain for Allah’s approval, in other words, she has trusted in him. She knew her body would be spoiled. She made a sacrifice. So it would be very wrong to treat her like that. One’s love for such a woman will actually increase. One will have even more affection, compassion and love for her, because she has assumed that form alongside one. She has ended up like that for Allah’s sake. It is therefore no reason to go off her. But such things are quite possible among people with a facile perspective...

But Allah gives believers a small foretaste of paradise in order for them to recognize it. It is a blessing bestowed so they can understand the intensity of the delight they will experience in Paradise. The whole thing can only be fully experienced in Paradise. But a believer has the power to experience it, according to the depth of his faith, in other words to approach the state he will know in Paradise. And that will be most intense and delightful. So he will never think of divorce. Neither will he think of throwing the woman out because she has grown old. Neither will he think of severing relations because her money has come to an end. She will always be loved, no matter what. She may catch a cold or flu or become really ill. Sick people can find themselves in very dire straits. But he will treat her with love, affection and compassion. And he will be with her forever in Paradise....

There is also a very intense love in believers. People are sometimes unable to fathom the wisdom in this...These people are experiencing their sixth sense...

The Concept of Marriage

[cat eyes]

:sl:people do not fall out of love because there partner has let themselves go a bit if that is the case then it was never love in the first place. What type of love is that where you have to keep on slapping on the make up all the time and do your hair and dress in uncomfortable clothes around the home is that love sisters? I don't think so. I think people lost the meaning of love! All a person needs 2do is keep themselves clean and tidy and modest if a man dose not accept u the way you are, its not love. Of course theres nothing wröng making urself up for ur hobby every married couple dose it but that is not the reason y people fall out of love if u do not do it all the time! It goes way more deeper then that.

[kam]

:sl:

Can you remember when things started slipping between you two, was it unavoidable or did something trigger it off?

Would you feel better if you stopped eating foods which are making you put on weight? Would you like to lose weight?

Here's some excerpts from an article which I read today:

True love, love for the sake of Allah, burns like a flame in a woman’s heart, gives ineffable delight and is truly lovely for the woman. It is an intense feeling that also has a powerful effect on the man. It is an enormous pleasure...

A person is loved for the sake of Allah. They are loved as a manifestation of Allah, and there is a great and profound delight in that. It is a force that never ends. Allah has bestowed such a depth on almost all women. In other words, if a woman is given this, meaning passion, love, depth and loyalty, she will turn into an unbelievable entity. That woman will disappear, to be replaced by a superhuman entity. All that beauty, depth and passion in her soul begin coming to the surface....

It will treat her, and her hormones will work fine, and her body will return to normal. Her brain will resume functioning normally. Her skin will improve, her eyes will be brighter and her speech will improve. It will affect her hair. She will become a totally different person. The reason why most women lose their beauty and fade is psychological. Lack of true love inflicts terrible damage on a woman...

Loving for Allah’s approval is something totally different. It is a most profound pleasure. There is a special force in people for this. A feeling rather like a sixth sense...

A woman grows old, for instance, gives birth and loses her figure. It is immoral to then send her back to her parents. Of course, she has given birth and undergone that pain for Allah’s approval, in other words, she has trusted in him. She knew her body would be spoiled. She made a sacrifice. So it would be very wrong to treat her like that. One’s love for such a woman will actually increase. One will have even more affection, compassion and love for her, because she has assumed that form alongside one. She has ended up like that for Allah’s sake. It is therefore no reason to go off her. But such things are quite possible among people with a facile perspective...

But Allah gives believers a small foretaste of paradise in order for them to recognize it. It is a blessing bestowed so they can understand the intensity of the delight they will experience in Paradise. The whole thing can only be fully experienced in Paradise. But a believer has the power to experience it, according to the depth of his faith, in other words to approach the state he will know in Paradise. And that will be most intense and delightful. So he will never think of divorce. Neither will he think of throwing the woman out because she has grown old. Neither will he think of severing relations because her money has come to an end. She will always be loved, no matter what. She may catch a cold or flu or become really ill. Sick people can find themselves in very dire straits. But he will treat her with love, affection and compassion. And he will be with her forever in Paradise....

There is also a very intense love in believers. People are sometimes unable to fathom the wisdom in this...These people are experiencing their sixth sense...

The Concept of Marriage

That was really nice to read, where did you get in from?

[trueconscious]

Click on the text 'The Concept of Marriage', it will link you to the article

[kam]

Salam All, Hope you all had a nice Eid. Just to give you guys a update. Got my hair done lol and my husband didnt say a thing. Nothing has really changed. I don't see what more I can do. So I have just been getting on with day to day life.

[Insaanah]

Salam All, Hope you all had a nice Eid. Just to give you guys a update. Got my hair done lol and my husband didnt say a thing. Nothing has really changed. I don't see what more I can do. So I have just been getting on with day to day life.

Wa alaikum assalaam sis,

Belated Eid Mubarak to you as well and hope your Eid was as nice as it could be.

If your husband didn't notice, do you think it would be worth drawing his attention to it yourself, by saying something like, "Hey look, I got my hair done, do you like it? Do you prefer it this way, or how it was before?"

Or something to that effect? And then see what his reaction is (if there is one).

Pray that Allah does what's best for you. I'll remember you in my du'aas too.

Assalaamu alaikum.

[kam]

Salam,
It looks like we are getting divorced. I really don't know where to go from here. I have been in this situation so many times with him. I think I'm ready to move on.

[Aisha20]

I m not a good advicer, Sis. But u r in my dua's... May Allah give u patience and problems can be solved soon.

[kam]

I m not a good advicer, Sis. But u r in my dua's... May Allah give u patience and problems can be solved soon.

Thank you sis I appreciate it.

[Insaanah]

Assalaamu alaikum sis Kam,

I am truly sorry to hear that. imsad

However maybe Allah has decreed that that is best for you and your future.

May Allah make things easy for you, solve your problems, straighten your path and keep you steadfast on the deen, and reward you for your patience and the gracious manner you've dealt with all this. Ameen

Let us know if we can help you with anything. Remebering you in my du'aas inshaAllah.

Assalaamu alaikum wa rahmatullah