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AnonymousPoster
12-01-2009, 10:53 PM
aslaam alaykum, hmm I was jus wondering, how do you go about protecting your children from the constant lewdness that they're exposed to, due to the fact they live in the west, for example bad T.V programmes, advertisement boards with half nude people, indecently dressed women everywhere they look, women walking round dressed indecently.

It seems that it's becoming harder and harder to protect your children from being sexualised by the constant bombardment of lewd material.

as a result alot of men are growing up with perverted sexual fantisies and it makes life alot harder for them when they look for a wife.

I remember reading that men in the strict middle east countries where the majority of women are covered up and there's no lewdness in the society are very easily pleased due to the fact they haven't been exposed to naked women in bad clothing everywhere they look.

As a result they find it easier to get married because almost every women looks attractive to them and excites them.

where as men in the west, due to the fact they're constantly bombard with images of indecently dressed women find it alot harder to find a wife and it takes alot more for them to get excited.

How do we protect our children from being sexualised by the west??
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AnonymousPoster
12-02-2009, 04:31 PM
bump:::::::BUMP
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Rabi'ya
12-02-2009, 04:38 PM
:sl:

As a mother I find this topic of great concern. In the west we must only do what is within our limits. without leaving the country altogether it is impossible to completely seclude yourself. We have no TV. and Internet is strictly guarded, My husband and I use very little internet and limit the sites we use. our child is only allowed to look at things with us there and read books that we have vetted first. It might seem harsh but it is important.

Children need to be proected at all times and it is a parents responsibility to do this.

as a result alot of men are growing up with perverted sexual fantisies and it makes life alot harder for them when they look for a wife.
sorry but i disagree with this statement. it really depends on the person and the upbringing they have had.
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AnonymousPoster
12-02-2009, 04:58 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Rabi'ya
:sl:

As a mother I find this topic of great concern. In the west we must only do what is within our limits. without leaving the country altogether it is impossible to completely seclude yourself. We have no TV. and Internet is strictly guarded, My husband and I use very little internet and limit the sites we use. our child is only allowed to look at things with us there and read books that we have vetted first. It might seem harsh but it is important.

Children need to be proected at all times and it is a parents responsibility to do this.



sorry but i disagree with this statement. it really depends on the person and the upbringing they have had.
I agree sister, but many times the parents don't do as you are doing. If the child is given a good upbringing and prevented from watching haraam tv channels and is sent to an islamic school were free mixing doesn't exist then there's alot less chance of them becoming seduced by the society.

Just today at 4 I came home and the T.V happened to be on and there was such a disgusting advert showing intimate scenes between man and women and it was only 4 PM!!! when all the children be watching T.V after school.
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alcurad
12-02-2009, 05:12 PM
there is no real difference between what's happening in 'the west' and the rest of the world, attitudes to sexuality are more relaxed, so banning doesn't work, prevention does, in short: raise them well.
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RashKhan
12-02-2009, 09:01 PM
:sl:
It is a very big problem for the youth. Sending kids to a diverse schools will mean they will come across lewd behaviour by others. I think parents should make sure that they know their childs friends and what they get up to when they meet up. They must make sure they guide them throughh their young years. Inshaalah they grow up to be respectable brothers and sisters.

one practical thing parents should do is install content blocking software on their computer to make sure you cant access obscene images. just a thought
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cat eyes
12-02-2009, 09:28 PM
:sl: that sky t.v is the worst as soon as 9pm comes around they start showing this program about porn +o( i mean the stuff on it is really perverted you just have to change the channel straight away :exhausted the images just stick in your head and it would certainly have an effect on anyone young or old:hmm: i know one muslim family they don't even have a t.v i suppose its much better for your mental health
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cat eyes
12-02-2009, 09:37 PM
:sl:but i think we have to remember not every muslim in the west are all that bad some families raise there sons really good like they even are so good they have the brothers sisters covered inside of the home even it would be pretty unfair to say all muslim men in the west are sex hungry cos there is thousands of good muslim men going around doing dawah and mashaAllah they look so modest they don't give one look to the westrn girl.. it makes me so emotional
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Rabi'ya
12-02-2009, 10:12 PM
:sl:

There are many simple things which we can do to protect our chidren. It is vital not to alienate them from society in general as at some point in their lives they will have to function outside of any "reality" we create for them in their younger years. Finding the balance between good and bad within society is of utmost importance and this is the most difficult thing.

Practical steps are:-
Have no TV (We use only iplayer/youtube, sis catseyes, thats 2 muslim families you know now who have no TV) and make sure your kids are supervised at ALL time 100%. that way you can be sure of what they are watching.

Encourage your kids to read good books. As a Muslim mother my daughter will come in and read her arabic alphabet book already starting with "bismillah raheem" (cute) and shes not 3 yet. We also read stories and sing before bed and read books at other times throughout the day

Kids need to socialise so take them to playgroup/clubs from a young age.

Encourage trips to places like the library from a young age. TV, internet and radio have very bad influences, if we can try to limit these as mucha s possible and encourage the child to make good choices for themselves from a young age, then surely this is more beneficial.

We cannot avoid all the bad stuff all the time but bringing the child up in a controlled environment from a young age can aid them into making the right decisions for themselves.
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Ummu Sufyaan
12-03-2009, 08:06 AM
:sl:
1. as early as possible, discipline and breed in them fear of Allah and hope for his reward so that if they are tempted, then they know what to stay away from and for whom. several ways to do this is make sure you, as their parents, you are practicing as well. this means no "its haram to have a bf/gf" talk and yet you yourselves watch romance based movies/shows. this sends out the wrong messages. another way to breed in them taqwa, is to tell them the stories of the anbiyaah (especially yusuf aleyhi salaam), restrict from them internet, tv, phone excess, take them to masaajid/classes regularly. im not saying completely forbid them from it, but (depending what age they are), put the computer/phone somewhere in near sight/monitor them, not locked away with these tools in seclusion :$

2. make sure they hang out with the right crows

4. make sure they get taught about human nature etc, through the proper way and in a modest fashion. in the west they'll get taught, "do whatever you want, as long as she doesn't fall pregnant." of course this method is ridiculous, as it teaches the child no Islamic responsibility whatsoever so this is where your responsibility comes in. i,e teach them these things, only in an Islamically acceptable manner...and this takes me to my next point...

5. make sure, you as the parents, aren't shy to talk about this stuff so that your kids can come up to you and speak to you, and not their friends who may lead them astray.

6. educate them about the dangers of following the desires and what can be done to curb this, eg marriage.

7. everyone is going to be attracted to someone in one point of their lives or another, so it is essential to teach them that it isnt anything to be ashamed of, rather what is the shame is to follow your desires in a way that displeases Allah. so if they come home and tell you and about a boy/girl they may like etc listen to them respectfully, and dont scold for it, but instead say something like "it'll be pleasing to allah if you lowered your gaze, etc"<---this is why you need to breed and discipline in them the fear and love of Allah asap, so that they know who allah is and why they are leaving off the sin. sometimes though it may be essential to use a sterner tone...depends on the kid, and situation. so in other words, be kind but firm.

8. trust them. once you have disciplined in them the fear of Allah and told them the dangerous of following the desire, trust them and dont "spy" on them and make them feel restricted and suffocated. sure, you are their parents, and they are under your authority, etc but let them know that they can trust their parents and that their parents think good of them.

9. teach your daughters the importance of the hijaab. teach them in such a way, that they love it, and that they know that it wards off immoral men from using them for their own desires as well as warding of those whowant to attract cash though women by using them as advertising products :heated: it is also important to teach your sons respect for women and make them realize that although a woman may not be dressed so modestly, it doesn't mean that she likes to be looked at.


10. lastly as much as you breed in the the deeni aspect, it is essential to be moderate. this means, if you take them to lectures, then let them do "dunya stuff" as well. so take them for a swim/holidays, etc... also being moderate, means do not make it sound like human nature is something alien and rude, etc but teach them that there are appropriate channels to go through as i said previously.
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Ummu Sufyaan
12-18-2009, 06:41 AM
:sl:
something sort of related:
http://islamqa.com/en/ref/103526/lying%20to%20parents
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AlbanianMuslim
12-18-2009, 01:24 PM
As much as you, parents, may try to shield your children eventually they will be exposed to it.

The key, in my opinion, is to do what my parents did, lecture us and discuss with us why it is wrong to get involved or watch those things and what the alternatives are.
If you dont tell your child WHY, he or she wont understand the reasoning behind you shielding them from it all. You must teach them to stay away from it, because one day your child is going to go out into the big scary world and mommy and daddy wont be there to cover his eyes.
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جوري
12-18-2009, 01:39 PM
one statement "extracurricular activities'' & an excellent school--TV especially shouldn't be a part of your child's life for more than an hour maximum anyway.. their day should be sliced to be as useful as possible and in all honesty starting with the right school is the first step...

My sr. was told by a guy who works in her hospital that his son got in with gangs and was with bad people all the time and he was losing him, no control whatsoever, (he isn't a Muslim) but had great concern still, he took him out of his public school and put him in a decent school and he said his entire attitude has changed.. his outlook has changed, his grades have changed and I believe he is now a sophomore in an excellent university.. it is really all about how to productively use ones time..

and if a non-Muslim can do this for the mere incentive of not having his kid dead at 18 by a bad gang, then there should be even more of an incentive for Muslims who should really be model citizens!

and Allah swt knows best

:wa:
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desert winds
12-18-2009, 07:03 PM
asslam alaikum-
heres the thing- what are our children learning? lets start with nursery- so in nursery children sit and sing nursery rhymes- but has anyone wandered what these rhymes actually means? (i posted this on another forum and will givve you 2 examples)

Goosey Goosey Gander where shall I wander,u pstairs, downstairs and in my lady's chamber,where I met an old man who wouldn't say his prayers,
I took him by the left leg and threw him down the stairs.


prostitution- goosey goosey
gander-stare
the man in her chamber- the sinner who sleeps with her.
who wouldnt say his prayers- wasnt rightoues- throw the adultere down the stairs-


3 blind mice 3 blind mice- see how they run- see how they run- they all run after the farmers wife, who cut off thier tails with a carving knife did you ever see such a thing in your life as the 3 blind mice

3 blind men- how where they blind? not their sights-they were not righteous
they ran after a women- sexual meanings- dont need explaining
she cut off thier tails- what is the mans tail????


so these are the basics-
now lets look at their toys- they have dolls of both genders, the male dolls have the organs of a man- the goverment says this is to wipe out the steroetype-
the very tc they watch has sexual images in them- look at adverts? such rubbish adverts- look at the ads of their toys- bratz- **** dolls! barbie based on a german *****!
how are these prtrayed? they dont wear innocent clothes- their clothes are of grown women and children play with these? so to be honest- there is little we can do except teach them islam and pray Allahswt guides them...
my child is 5- i try very hard to protect her- some of the things she says..... Ya rab- help our kids!
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جوري
12-18-2009, 08:24 PM
children don't understand sexual connotation in literature at a young age, because they are concrete thinkers.. when they grow up and become of a certain age, you can actually have a direct hand in what they learn by being more involved with their school work and other activities in general .. you'll grow closer to them and at the same time not be caught off guard.. eventually everyone will know the same things, but by then they'll have the appropriate decorous perspective of it!


and Allah swt knows best

:wa:
Reply

Beardo
12-18-2009, 08:38 PM
In regards to the TV, I wanted to touch upon this subject..,

First off, I have no TV so my opinion is not bias.

Having no TV is a plus, but that doesn't mean you're not safe. The Internet is zillion times worse. My friend Atif Khan says that "Revolution is not to be televised. It is to be YouTubed." The Internet gives you access to anything and everything.

Shoot, with your IP adresses alone, I could find your exact neighborhood, house price range, etc. With your phone number, I can find your salary, house adress, and etc.

And Internet these says... It's a bad, bad world. "Bad" being an understatement.
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Hamza Asadullah
12-19-2009, 07:58 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by AnonymousGender
aslaam alaykum, hmm I was jus wondering, how do you go about protecting your children from the constant lewdness that they're exposed to, due to the fact they live in the west, for example bad T.V programmes, advertisement boards with half nude people, indecently dressed women everywhere they look, women walking round dressed indecently.

It seems that it's becoming harder and harder to protect your children from being sexualised by the constant bombardment of lewd material.

as a result alot of men are growing up with perverted sexual fantisies and it makes life alot harder for them when they look for a wife.

I remember reading that men in the strict middle east countries where the majority of women are covered up and there's no lewdness in the society are very easily pleased due to the fact they haven't been exposed to naked women in bad clothing everywhere they look.

As a result they find it easier to get married because almost every women looks attractive to them and excites them.

where as men in the west, due to the fact they're constantly bombard with images of indecently dressed women find it alot harder to find a wife and it takes alot more for them to get excited.

How do we protect our children from being sexualised by the west??
Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb, it is upto the parents to instill in the children proper Islamic morals and values from a very early age. They should be praised for doing good actions and told off for doing bad so that they don't repeat such acts again. They should also be warned of the consequances for doing wrong actions and that wrong action should be avoided at all cost so that they keep away from wrong and sin.

They should be taught about the fundamentals of Islam at the very beginning so they say Salah as their obligation and they should be taught proper Islamic adab and manners so that they start implementing them at an early age.

Whatever the child is taught early on will reflect how the child will turn out and develop over the years. So bringing the child up instilling in the child these values and morals will cause the child to grow up having these very values, norms and beliefs but if they were never taught it properly then they will not have implemented it properly. If the child is taught good action early then the child be be less likely to be influenced by western influence and culture.

The child should also be tuaght only to keep good friends that do good actions because having the wrong friends are one of the big factors the youth go astray so they should be encouraged only to keep good friends and they should be encouraged to go to the Masjid as much as possible.

The child should also be taken to hifdh classes from an early age because the younger a child is the more easier the child will find it memorizing the Qur'an and learning about Islam. So encourage them to learn as much as possible the younger they are.

Television should not even be included in ones home for ery obvious reasons but if it is included then the channels watched should be restricted and passwords set so as to control what the children watch. Even early in the day there are prgograms on which contain intimacy between male and female and even gay relations. So it is important if one has television in ones home to control what their child watches. Instead one should set ones channels to the Islamic channels that are available on Sky as they can be beneficial.

One should also teach ones child from the beginning that Music is forbidden so that they do not even approach it. The fear of Allah should be instilled into the child at the very beginning so that they refrain from even going near sin becuase Almighty Allah would get angry at them for disobeying his commands. This way the child would not want to approach sin.

The child should be taught that pleasing Allah would give the child good in this world and the next and also the child should be taught patience so that the child can persevere and be patient through any trial the child may go through it their life. The child should be taught about Jannah and that it will be the ultimate abode for all of us if we obey the commands of Allah and do not diobey him. This way the child has motivation and an incentive.

The child should be reminded constantly that death is a reality and that death can come at any second so the child would feel a sense of urgency that they should not waste anytime in doing good actions in order to please Allah and prepare for death. Make the child aware that this is just a stop over on a journey and that the journey may end at any second.
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Hamza Asadullah
12-19-2009, 08:06 PM
12 Tips For Parents:
Talking To Your Kids About Sex


You've just found out your son or daughter is getting sex education at public school and you want to give them the Islamic perspective on it.

Or your kids have started asking the “where do babies come from” question.

But you just can't get over your tongue-tying embarrassment. Imagine! If your father or mother, back in Cairo or Karachi, heard of this they'd be stunned and question your parenting skills!

Here are some tips that can help you talk to your kids about the “s” word.

Tip #1: Start Early

Ideally sex education is not provided to kids in a reactionary fashion. Rather, it's given from the beginning in an indirect manner.

This means the child has to have a strong sense of identity and an understanding of what his or her values are.

“Parents are going to have sit down and explain their values to their own children. And this needs to start young, before the society influences them,” says Marilyn Morris, a Christian, who is president and founder of Aim for Success. The organization promotes abstinence from sex through speeches and presentations to students in grades six to 12. The group is one of the largest providers of abstinence education in the United States.

She says it is also important to explain to kids why you hold those values. For example, why do you not approve of sex outside of marriage, whether this is for religious and/or health reasons.

Tip #2: Give the child age-appropriate sex education

Starting to teach different topics at the right age is also important.

For example, a boy of eight may notice his mom does not pray some time during the month and may ask why. At this point, it can simply be said this is a time when Allah has excused women from praying. At the age of 12 or 13, a parent can introduce the topic of menstruation, and by that point, he will be able to make the connection.

Another way topics of a sexual nature can be introduced is while the child is reading the Quran. When the child reads verses about sexual intercourse, menstruation, or homosexuality, for example, this can be explained in a matter-of-fact manner.

Sex can also be discussed in the context of cleanliness in Islam at a certain age. For example, by the age of six or seven, a child must know how to clean him or herself after using the toilet.

After this at about eleven or twelve, the issue of Ghusl can be raised and when it is necessary (i.e. after sexual intercourse, after menstruation, etc).

As well, parents should sit with their children individually, not all together to explain various age-appropriate topics related to sex.

Some of the topics to talk about include modesty, decency, conduct and behavior .

But these should not be presented as just a bunch of rules to be followed. Rather the wisdom behind, for example, the Islamic dress code and lowering the gaze for both sexes should be explained.

Tip #3: Parents should build a good relationship with their kids

Proper sex education can only be given if the correct messages are being sent explicitly and implicitly by parents.

There has to be openness, not a rigid and dogmatic atmosphere at home.

“I'm talking about a loving relationship at home between the parents,” says Khadija Haffajee an Islamic activist and a retired school teacher from the Ottawa-Carleton region of Canada. She has spent about 30 years working in the public school system. “That there's love between the parents, there's affection. They [the kids] can see this, how they talk to each other, the respect that's there.”

Tip #4: Be an example

This goes hand in hand with being a role model, which is the best way to teach and transmit values to children.

That means not only should children be exposed to a healthy male-female relationship when they see their parents. It also means parents do not engage in activities which undermine their views on sexuality.

For instance, “being careful themselves about what they watch on T.V. or what movies they go to see, “ is crucial says Morris “because that ‘s a bad influence on us at any age. And if our children see us doing it why shouldn't they as well?”

This also means setting an example in other aspects of life by following the same rules you expect your kids to follow. For example, if you're running late, call children and let them know, show them the same courtesy you expect from them, explains Morris.

Tip #5: Meet with others who share your values

It is necessary for children to not just see the embodiment of Islamic values at home. They must also experience this in contacts with other Muslim children and families, says Haffajee.

They must see that family life the Islamic way is not just something their own family practices, but it's something others do as well.

This makes it more “normal” for the child, who in public school may have friends or acquaintances with homosexual parents (two mommies or two daddies), parents who are having sex outside of marriage (mom's boyfriend, dad's girlfriend) or other types of unacceptable relationships.

Tip #6: Get involved with your children's school

Depending on a parent's schedule, this can mean different things. Most of the time, public schools encourage parents' active participation through channels like Parent and Teachers' Associations (PTAs) or as elected school board members.

Haffajee explains that more and more schools will be decentralized and will have more power at the PTA level, for instance. Another forum for involvement is running in school board elections. School boards run all the schools in one district.

But if this is too much of a commitment for you as a parent, at least be in contact with your child's teacher, and let her/him know not just about problems, but good things he or she is doing for your child as well.

”We have to build these links, not feel it's them and us,” adds Haffajee.

Volunteering and helping at the school is also an option. This differs in each school. Some may have a lunchroom program with parents as monitors, for instance, which requires only a few hours a week.

Regular participation in such school organizations and activities gives you a voice as a parent to express your views about what's going on in the school system as it affects your child, as well as others' children.

It is important to add that this involvement should not come only when the school has done something you, as a parent, feel has violated your child's needs as a Muslim, or when you want something specifically for your child (i.e. time off for Eid, Juma, etc.).

By participating at the long-term level, your voice is more likely to be heard because you're involved in making the school better generally, not just for your child's interest only.

When it comes time for sex education, you can band together with other parents, Muslim and non-Muslim, who share the same views on the topic, and it is more likely you will be listened to.

“There are a lot of non-Muslim parents who are concerned about these issues and feel as if there is no control,” notes Haffajee.

Tip #7: Know the sex education territory

“There should be talk about what kind of information they're getting, preadolescent education,” says Haffajee.

Launching a three hour tirade against the evils of public school sex education will do little good in helping your son or daughter see what's wrong with it. This is why it is necessary to find out what is included in the sex education curriculum.

“They should find out exactly what the school is teaching, to the point of even sitting with the person doing the education and finding out about the values of that person,” says Morris. “This is a very important issue”

Tip #8: Know the Islamic perspective on sex

There is more to sex education than telling your son or daughter “don't do it until you get married”.

Topics like menstruation, sexual changes in adolescents, Islamic purity after various types of uncleanliness associated with sex also have to be discussed.

If you're not sure, get some help from a knowledgeable Muslim or Imam, as well as a guide for parents (see the review for the book Miracle Of Life.

Be capable of providing exact references from the Quran, Sunnah and valid Islamic authorities on relevant topics (i.e. birth control, boy/girl relationships, etc.).

On the same note, if in the course of your conversation your child asks you something and you are not sure about whether it really is Islamic or not, CHECK IT OUT. Assuming that a cultural practice relating to sex or boy/girl relationships is automatically Islamic is a mistake.

Tip #9: Tell your kids you're available to talk to them about sex

This is necessary, especially if sex has been a taboo subject in the household for so long.

“Parents [should] say to their children “I want to be your primary source of information about sex,” says Morris.

This makes it clear that while your child may be getting information about sex from other sources like television, the movies, school and friends, you are the “authoritative source”.

This is done best when discussed at a younger age, rather than waiting for the teen years when rebelliousness usually kicks in and kids are less likely to listen to parents.

Tip #10: Express your nervousness

It will be hard to talk about sex for many parents. But they should not hide this from their kids.

Morris recommends parents say, “If I sound nervous or uncomfortable just bear with me,” in the course of their conversation.

This stresses the seriousness of the topic and the importance of what you want to say. The fact that this is so difficult for you, yet you are going forward with it emphasizes your child's need to listen.

Tip #11: Withdraw your child from sex education but tell them why

There are public schools where sex education is an option, and a child can be exempted from it.

Haffajee says there are parents, Muslim and non-Muslim who have decided to choose this instead of having their kids sit through public school sex education.

But if you do decide to do this, she advises it is important to clearly explain to your child why this is being done, and to ensure that s/he is being provided with Islamic sex education in the home.

Otherwise, your child may see it as being excluded from an activity with his or her friends.

Tip #12: Get help from others

If you feel extremely uncomfortable talking to your kids about it, enlist the help of a knowledgeable and open Imam or community member who is of the same gender as your child, to explain the details and provide the guidance.

Other people can be Islamic weekend school teachers, a Muslim social worker, or a trusted family member like an aunt, uncle or cousin.

Source:http://www.soundvision.com/Info/educ...sex/12tips.asp

Heres another link for a very beneficial article:

Golden Principles of Raising Children
by Imam Abu Hamid Muhammad Al-Ghazali


http://www.jannah.org/morearticles/11.html
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