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AnonymousPoster
12-12-2009, 05:27 PM
:sl:if you are sitting with a group of women and suddenly they begin to back bite and gossip about others how should you approach the situation? i know you should say something but i am easily angered when i witness stuff like this so if they are all talking together and i am in between them should i say it to all of them?

or say it to the person who started it? because we all get easily influenced by others and some women cannot help themselves. how did the prophet mohammad saw deal with stuff like this?

i know that getting angry might not work but if i let them know i am on there case and watching them they will not be so quick to talk about anyone else. i know sometimes soft speech dose not work sometimes with people with low IQ. It just goes in one ear and out the other. id really appreciate your help in dealing with this that is happening everytime this group sit together. jazakAllah
:wa:
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Hamza Asadullah
12-13-2009, 05:30 PM
Originally Posted by AnonymousGender
:sl:if you are sitting with a group of women and suddenly they begin to back bite and gossip about others how should you approach the situation? i know you should say something but i am easily angered when i witness stuff like this so if they are all talking together and i am in between them should i say it to all of them?

or say it to the person who started it? because we all get easily influenced by others and some women cannot help themselves. how did the prophet mohammad saw deal with stuff like this?

i know that getting angry might not work but if i let them know i am on there case and watching them they will not be so quick to talk about anyone else. i know sometimes soft speech dose not work sometimes with people with low IQ. It just goes in one ear and out the other. id really appreciate your help in dealing with this that is happening everytime this group sit together. jazakAllah
:wa:
Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb

Backbiting & Slander - an Islamic perspective

And why did you not, when you heard it, say? "It is not right of us to speak of this: Glory to Allah, this is a most serious slander" (Quran 24:16)

A commentary on one of the most destructive of major sins

Islam is a religion of peace, love and compassion. Lies, suspicion, back biting, slander and gossip are totally alien to Islam. In fact they are considered amongst the most destructive of major sins. This is so because these sins sow enmity and discord among the Muslim Ummah and lead to its destruction. They cause hostilities between people of the same household, and between neighbors, friends and relatives.

Islam demands that our relationship with mankind should be one of sincerity and responsibility. It should be one where we have respect for the honor, reputation and privacy of others. Islam teaches us that we are not only held accountable for our own attitudes and actions but also for anything else over which we have control or influence over, in our society or the world around us.

Verses: Let's see what the Quran states about backbiting and slander - This is the Book, in it is guidance sure, without doubt, to those who fear Allah. (2:2)

Allah has forbidden the believers from backbiting

O you who believe! Avoid much suspicion, in deeds some suspicions are sins. And spy not neither backbite one another. Would one of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother? You would hate it (so hate backbiting). And fear Allah, verily, Allah is the one who accepts repentance, Most Merciful. (49: 12)

When we reflect deeply over this assimilation it should be enough to keep us away from backbiting!

Do not treat the issue of Backbiting & Slander with indifference because it is a great sin

Behold, you received it on your tongues, and said out of your mouths things which you had no knowledge; and you thought it to be a light matter, while it was most serious in the sight of Allah (24: 15)

Many of us back bite and gossip without thinking. We think it is minor matter, however Allah reminds us to be careful and even though we think we are doing something little it is in fact very big in the sight of Allah!

Allah teaches us to speak out against Slander and try to put a stop to it

And why did you not, when you heard it, say? "It is not right of us to speak of this: Glory to Allah, this is a most serious slander" (24:16)

Many people are so busy spreading the slander they hear that they do not even stop to think if it is true or not.

Shaitan (Satan) wants us to use our tongue to create conflict and hatred

Say to My servants that they should only say those things that are best, for Satan does sow dissensions among them, for Satan is to man an avowed enemy. (17:53)

Are we falling into Shaitan's (Satan's) trap? We can all analyze ourselves.

Hadiths: Let's see what Prophet Muhammad (Pbuh) said about Backbiting in the hadiths. Allah states in the Quran - You have indeed in the Messenger of Allah (Pbuh) an excellent pattern of conduct. (33:21)

The definition of Backbiting & Slander

Prophet Muhammad (Pbuh) said :"Do you know what backbiting is?" They said, "Allah and His Messenger know best." He then said, "It is to say something about your brother that he would dislike." Someone asked him, "But what if what I say is true?" The Messenger of Allah (Pbuh) said, "If what you say about him is true, you are backbiting him, but if it is not true then you have slandered him." (Muslim)

We should guard our tongue from sins and use our limbs in acts of obedience

Prophet Muhammad(Pbuh) said: "Who protects his tongue from unlawful utterances and his private parts from illegal sexual intercourse, I shall guarantee him entrance into Paradise." (Bukhari and Muslim)

The definition of the best muslim

"I asked the Messenger of Allah (Pbuh) : Who is the best Muslim? The Messenger of Allah(Pbuh) replied, "He is the one from whom Muslims are safe from the evil of his tongue and hands." (Muslim)

Deriding people in their presence by making negative facial expressions or by hand gestures while they are unaware is also a form of backbiting.

We need to beware of the slipping of our tongues

"When man wakes up in the morning each day, all parts of the body warn the tongue saying, ‘Fear Allah as regards us for we are at your mercy; if you are upright, we will be upright and if you are crooked, we become crooked.’" (At-Tirmidhee)

Summary

Backbiting and slander is so widespread that it has become the topic of people’s meetings and an avenue for expressing their anger, misgivings and jealousy. Those who indulge in backbiting are oblivious of the fact that they are only harming themselves. This is because of the fact that on the Day of Resurrection both the wrongdoer and the wronged will stand before Allah, Who is the Just Judge, Allah will then give this wronged person from the good deeds of the person who wronged him in accordance with his wrong by backbiting.

Some situations allow us to inform others of what someone has done. It is allowed for us to inform the authorities when someone does injustice to us or others. It is allowed for us to inform someone who can help a perpetrator from committing further vice. It is also permissible for us to tell whoever seeks our advice on a person for business dealings or marriage. In this case it is not allowed for us to hide what we know about the person so that the enquirer will not be deceived. All these types of speaking about others are lawful.

Islam teaches us that if people are being ridiculed or backbited in our presence, we should defend their honor. If we neglect this, we shall deprive ourselves of ever needed help and mercy from Allah - If a man's Muslim brother is slandered in his presence, and he is capable of defending him and does so, Allah will defend him in this world and in the next. But if he fails to defend him, Allah will destroy him in this world and the next. (Baghawi). What will we do the next time we are tempted to backbite or hear slander in our presence? Right now the choice is ours!

We ask Allah the Most High, the All Powerful, to teach us that which will benefit us, and to benefit us by that which we learn. May Allah grant blessings and peace to our Prophet Muhammad(Pbuh) and his family and companions.

So my sister it is clear from this that it is our duty to warn others of the dangers of backbiting and also wanr them to stop if they are undulging in backbiting especially if it is being done infront of us for we will be sinful if we ignore it and do not do anything about it. But we should be gentle, respectful and use wisdom and tact remembering the story of the man who urinated at the masjid and Rasulallah (Pbuh) did not shout at him but used wisdom and tact and was gentle and he accepted Islam. So let us be the best towards others so that they may see the truew beautry of Islam and gentleness goes further than harsheness.

and Allah knows best
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Uthman
12-13-2009, 05:34 PM
Also check out this thread. :)
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AnonymousPoster
12-13-2009, 06:30 PM
jazakAllah brothers great advice i just want to learn the tactic of approaching people like this. dirty looks also happens from one sister to another like they are trying to make the other person know they don't like them. i know harshness is not good so if i let them know in a kind way because i should't be harsh and me knowing that they could possibly get there punishments on the day of judgement makes me feel a little better too basically how i found out that it was going on is because my friend also sits with this group only she never opened her mouth to stop them from backbiting i also see these women every week i don't want to be around evil and i want to stop it
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