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markislam
12-14-2009, 01:56 PM
I have been so much stressed thinking of my life.

as all of you know i am a new revert. i have been praying about my marriage since some days.

So finally my wife asked me yesterday what do you think our future is going to be.

I asked this two questions again to her. Can i teach my daughter about Islam.

She said no, i asked 100% she said yes yes , then i asked 200% she said yes.

then i asked her if we have kids can i raise them muslims, she said you know the answer already, i asked which is you wont allow me, she said yes.

Then i said then we cant be together.

Honesly we are already separated we dont sleep on the same bed and it has been more than 6 months now.

I told her i want more kids she asked me why, i said iam the only muslim and want to raise a muslim family.

I told i am still praying about our future and what needs to be done.

It is just a matter of time.

any suggestions for me or tips ?

If we get divorced this would be the first divorce in my family. dont know how i am going to face them.

please do make duas for me .

and please dont try to judge me here
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S_87
12-14-2009, 04:55 PM
:sl:

One thing brother:

I asked this two questions again to her. Can i teach my daughter about Islam.

She said no, i asked 100% she said yes yes , then i asked 200% she said yes.
your daughter is yours just as much as your wifes. she has no right telling you you cant atleast teach your child about islam. is she going to consult you on everything she teaches your daughter?

InshaAllah it will all work out and be easy for you
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جوري
12-14-2009, 04:59 PM
get some legal counseling and beware of spite.. in other words if you are going to do things, do it in a discreet manner so she doesn't turn things against you in a court of law where you really might not be able to see your kids..

I don't know much about the law, so I am not sure who gets awarded custody, but you owe your child to teach her about Islam and not have your reputation marred by this woman simply because she doesn't like your new religion..

This isn't about your parents, it is about you.. you are the one who goes home to this woman not your family so I don't see why you should have difficulty facing them? everyone should be afforded the opportunity at a second chance..

:wa:
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Donia
12-14-2009, 04:59 PM
Originally Posted by markislam

If we get divorced this would be the first divorce in my family. dont know how i am going to face them.
Salaamu alaikum.
Don't worry so much about what other people think. I understand that may be difficult especially when it is your own family. I think you are on the right track as far as you wanting to do what is best for you Islamically. I cannot tell you whether to divorce your wife or to stay with her. That is your decision alone. Keep praying about it. Just based on what you have told us, it doesn't seem like your wife is willing to embrace Islam anytime soon. Think about what you can live with and what you can't. I know this is a difficult situation but remember that after every trial, there is ease.
I hope that helped some, insha'Allah.
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Hamza Asadullah
12-14-2009, 05:08 PM
Originally Posted by markislam
I have been so much stressed thinking of my life.

as all of you know i am a new revert. i have been praying about my marriage since some days.

So finally my wife asked me yesterday what do you think our future is going to be.

I asked this two questions again to her. Can i teach my daughter about Islam.

She said no, i asked 100% she said yes yes , then i asked 200% she said yes.

then i asked her if we have kids can i raise them muslims, she said you know the answer already, i asked which is you wont allow me, she said yes.

Then i said then we cant be together.

Honesly we are already separated we dont sleep on the same bed and it has been more than 6 months now.

I told her i want more kids she asked me why, i said iam the only muslim and want to raise a muslim family.

I told i am still praying about our future and what needs to be done.

It is just a matter of time.

any suggestions for me or tips ?

If we get divorced this would be the first divorce in my family. dont know how i am going to face them.

please do make duas for me .

and please dont try to judge me here
Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb, my brother i understand that this is a difficult issue but it is a test fr you so bare with it with patience and perseverance and continue to teach your children as much as you can about Islam regardless of whether your wife likes it or not.

Your daughters have a right to be told the truth and to learn about the right path. Also pray to Allah that your daughters hearts and inclined towards Islam. I would advise you also get advice off learned and experienced scholars so that they may advise you the best course of action to take.

May Allah guide your daughters to the right path and implement Islam into their lives and keep them away from the the wrong path. Ameen
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sur
12-14-2009, 05:40 PM
Mark, I might sound rough.... sorry about that in advance..

Divorce her..... Quran says "Do NOT marry "Mushrikaat",".... I am presuming ur wife is trinitarian christian.... So she believes in Jesus as god & in holy spirit as god ..... that's shirk....... muslims are NOT allowed to marry/stay married to MUSHRIKs......


Women population is on the rise in the world. Women are desperate for serious/everlasting marriage....... You'd find many many non-mushrik ladies for you, InshALLAH.
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cat eyes
12-14-2009, 05:50 PM
:sl: it might be that when she realises you know longer want to stay married to her then she might be willing to learn islam who knows. Ask Allah to open up her heart and guide her. never stop making duaa for her because duaa is so powerful in times like this when you really need help and also if you are really contemplating divorce then you should really seek advice from a scholar
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sur
12-14-2009, 06:00 PM
Prophet Ibraheem told Ismail to divorce his 1st wife coz she was un-thankful of ALLAH.(Sahih Bukhari:4:55:583)

Prophet Muhammad told sahabi to divorce his wife when it there was something against law between them...

After the verses of Quran were revealed, Umar divorced 2 of his wives coz they were infidels. (Sahih Bukhari:3:50:891)
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cat eyes
12-14-2009, 06:14 PM
:sl: i don't think Allah will not be in agreement to divorce for that woman or man who did not receive the message properly and i think that might be the case with brother mark he is a revert he dose not have that much knowledge to give dawah to his wife. every prophet who were married would have clearly given them the message of islam before divorcing them and divorcing them would have been on the grounds that they rejected the holy Qur'an that was revealed to the prophet mohammad saw.
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Argamemnon
12-14-2009, 06:24 PM
I'm sorry to hear that. I'm afraid divorce is the only option, if you can't teach your children about Islam. I don't see any other solution.
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markislam
12-14-2009, 06:38 PM
i gave her dawah so many times she rejected it :(
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Hamza Asadullah
12-14-2009, 11:52 PM
Originally Posted by markislam
i gave her dawah so many times she rejected it :(
Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb, don't worry my brother remember we are only informers we can't guide anyone. Continue to give her dawah in a beautiful manner using wisdom and tact and that is all you can possibly do. Also make sincere dua that Allah changes her heart so that she can be inclined to come towards Islam.

Remember these things are not an overnight process. Just because you found Islam you cannot expect it upon her just like that. It takes time and it is entirely upto Allah whether she will recieve guidance or not.

But you should have FULL hope, trust, faith and reliance in Allah and get as close to him as you can because he loves us 70 times more than a baby loves her child and that kind of love is unimaginable. This is a test for you so bare with it with patience and Allah is with those who are patient. The reward for patience is Jannah!

Again i reiterate what i said in my last post to you for you to ask a few knowledgable and experienced scholars as to what your next steps should be for they are the best people to advise you as what exactley you should do next.
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IslamicRevival
12-15-2009, 01:13 AM
Very awkward and difficult situation you are in brother.

Read the below (In Red), A powerful message from our creator, Our Master Allah SWT

Surah Al Baqara

Alif. Lam. Mim. (1) This is the Scripture whereof there is no doubt, a guidance unto those who ward off (evil). (2) Who believe in the Unseen, and establish worship, and spend of that We have bestowed upon them; (3) And who believe in that which is revealed unto thee (Muhammad) and that which was revealed before thee, and are certain of the Hereafter. (4) These depend on guidance from their Lord. These are the successful.

(5) As for the Disbelievers, Whether thou warn them or thou warn them not it is all one for them; they believe not. (6) Allah hath sealed their hearing and their hearts, and on their eyes there is a covering. Theirs will be an awful doom.

I think this answers all your questions... You did your bit...but she still disbelieves...

May Allah SWT guide and help us all. Ameen
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markislam
12-15-2009, 02:08 AM
that was a nice verse

(5) As for the Disbelievers, Whether thou warn them or thou warn them not it is all one for them; they believe not. (6) Allah hath sealed their hearing and their hearts, and on their eyes there is a covering. Theirs will be an awful doom.





Originally Posted by Troubled Soul
Very awkward and difficult situation you are in brother.

Read the below (In Red), A powerful message from our creator, Our Master Allah SWT

Surah Al Baqara

Alif. Lam. Mim. (1) This is the Scripture whereof there is no doubt, a guidance unto those who ward off (evil). (2) Who believe in the Unseen, and establish worship, and spend of that We have bestowed upon them; (3) And who believe in that which is revealed unto thee (Muhammad) and that which was revealed before thee, and are certain of the Hereafter. (4) These depend on guidance from their Lord. These are the successful.

(5) As for the Disbelievers, Whether thou warn them or thou warn them not it is all one for them; they believe not. (6) Allah hath sealed their hearing and their hearts, and on their eyes there is a covering. Theirs will be an awful doom.

I think this answers all your questions... You did your bit...but she still disbelieves...

May Allah SWT guide and help us all. Ameen
Reply

Humbler_359
12-15-2009, 02:29 AM
:sl:

Let me warning you, i know about LAW custody. My question is IF SHE CAN'T STILL ALLOW YOU TO SEE YOUR OWN DAUGHTER. Go ahead to get lawyer to make case. Don't wait and wasting time. This show you care about your daughter in the eye of judge.

If you are waiting longer than this, you are going to lose custody of your child but only visitation rights. Your wife will receive full custody if you don't act quickly.

Your daughter is your property, your life and your baby. No one can't tell you what to do.


LEGAL LAW says, "you have NO RIGHT to take away child from father or mother. It is child's interest to see both of them." Make it JOINT CUSTODY, not sole custody of your wife only.

It will not discussed about religion things or blaming each other for whatever reasons.

Hope this help.
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markislam
12-15-2009, 03:02 AM
thanks it helps a lot
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faizacadday
12-15-2009, 03:19 AM
(here's a dua you can say )When in distress or difficulty or sorrow
4. Abu Bakrah reported that the Prophet, peace be upon him, said, “The supplications of distress are, ‘Allahumma rahmataka arju, fala takilni ila nafsi tarfata ‘ain, wa aslah li sha’ni kullahu, la ilaha illa anta (O Allah, I hope for Your mercy, so give me not over to my self even for as little as wink of an eye, and set right all my affairs, there is no god but You).”
Source: Abu Daw’ud
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Donia
12-15-2009, 04:09 AM
I agree that you should have patience and put your trust in Allah.

You have said that you have already given your wife dawah many times. That is a good thing. I'm sorry she doesn't seem receptive. It is good to have hope, brother but there comes you also have to be realistic and accept that maybe this is how she is going to be. Allah guides whom he wills and Allah knows best.
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Rafeeq
12-15-2009, 06:21 AM
Be patient. I am affraid, divorce is the only option left. Divorce is not some thing bad, it was committed by prophets and Sahaba. Consult lawyer and file a case of custody of your daughter.

Pray Allah to give your wife ability to come to the right path. Our prayers are with you.
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desert winds
12-16-2009, 04:42 PM
asslam alaikum-
im sorry to hear this- i am sorry that your spouse has become unable to understand you- you have said nor done nothing wrong-
it is only right that a muslim father teaches Islam to his kids- perhaps your wife is influneced too much by the media and is assuming you are becomeing a extremist etc-
it is true the mother must be respected (i am thinking about a hadeeth where a man asked who should i respect the most and prophet repilied mother) this does not mean that a father HAS LESS OF A SAY- the wife must be the backbone- a form of comfort while the husband is the leader!

speak to her with kind words brother- women have soft hearts and we can sacrifice much for our men-
tell her you love her and you love your child too- hold her hand be gentle with her- treat her with kindness and make sure your voice is soft-open your heart to her inshallah her heart will melt with your kind words and she will give you some sort of way.

REmeber Allahswt has said he will test us in our wives, children, wealth health- so be strong,
please dont be Sad, i know it easy to say,im sorry
leave it All in the hands of Allahswt pray to him and make dua- when you wish to make dua prostrate as you do in salah- you are very close to Allahswt in this position-
the other thing i can suggest is istikhara salah- the reason i say this is because 3 years ago my marrage became unbearable but i loved my duaghters father and didnt have the courage to leave him- his addiction for haram was great! one day i did my istkhara and i called this shiekh and he gave me a dua to read- i continued istikhara for somedays then 1 day i awaoke and i went to the masjid and applied for khula(divorce form wife) my heart did not become sad anymore- it was like Allahswt had made me hard like a stone-
the point is whateve is yours will come ur way thorough istikhara.

also brother are you in uk? i have the number of a masjid and when i ineed help i often call this sheikh who used to work in the shariah council for advice-he is expert in the quran and gives duas form the quran.

dont feel alone- all of us are facing many problems-
Asslam alaikum and i hope this message brings you some form of peace in your heart. i will do a dua for you and hope Allahswt melts the heart of your wife and you msut do it too it will be best for your daughter.
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desert winds
12-16-2009, 05:05 PM
if the marrage has broken down and you are not able to see your daughter then ofcourse as mentioned before get a good solicitor- im not sure about custody since family courts favour the mother in this aspect unless she is a addict abusive etc- it aslo depends on the age of your daughter- if she is too young i.e under 5 i think the caffcass will not speak with the daughter but if she is over this age cafcass will definatley speak with your daughter and see how she feels-

cafcass are like social workers who deal with families who have disputes in court.
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markislam
12-16-2009, 09:23 PM
thanks sister for your encouraging words.

i have been doing ishtikara since 4 days and my heart is leaning towards divorce now.

i am from united states
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Hamza Asadullah
12-16-2009, 11:15 PM
Originally Posted by markislam
thanks sister for your encouraging words.

i have been doing ishtikara since 4 days and my heart is leaning towards divorce now.

i am from united states
Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb, have you spoken to any knowledgable and experienced scholars about your issues and the next steps that you should take?
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Caller الداعي
12-16-2009, 11:22 PM
may Allah make it easy for ya and give u the best result for ur aakhira and dunya
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cat eyes
12-16-2009, 11:50 PM
Originally Posted by markislam
thanks sister for your encouraging words.

i have been doing ishtikara since 4 days and my heart is leaning towards divorce now.

i am from united states
ya but you should not take advice from anybody. a scholar would be better for this situation. they know about whats acceptable in islam and what is not acceptable and tell you what way to go about your situation as they would deal will loads of cases like yours. divorce is halal theres no doubt about that but it should be last option taken if all else fails.
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desert winds
12-18-2009, 02:05 PM
asslam alaikum- i suppose if your in US it wouldnt be worth calling this particular masjid i turn to- perhaps there is one close by to yourself? sometimes i know its hard- we dont want the people at our own masjids to know whats going on in our persoanl lives- maybe you should find one you dont attend but at the same time you know they are part of shariah council- i dont know if you have that in U.S.

if your heart is going towards divorce then it means this is not the women for you- she is somewhere else. therefore this marrage had to come to an end- but also there was a purpose for this- maybe you had to learn something from her vice versa- Rab knows-
but the purpose is now fulfilled.

dont think hat this is the end- this si the begginging- the search for a better companion- maybe the one whom you are to spend ytour whole life with here on the duniya! so keep smiling and dont be sad-
asslam alaikum
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markislam
12-19-2009, 11:39 AM
Thanks for the encouraging words sister desert winds

yes we did learn a lot from each other during our marriage together.
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