my sister has a boyfreind!

[anonymous]

my sister told be she was looking for a potential spouse at university and my mum is the one who put her up to it. so i allowed her.
now ive found a chat log on msn of her talking to a boy, she tells him all kinds of thngs like i love you, i want you in my bed with me, my sharukh.

i felt so sick when i read these things. +o( im her younger brother by 1 year i need to stop her before she commits zina or something. she has always helped me during difficult times...

i really need help, im at a loss for what to do. if i tell my parents my dad will flip and this is game over for my sister, he might throw her out of the house or something :heated:- im from pakistan but living in the uk currently. i havent confronted her yet.

do you think i should go beat this guy up? what should i tell my sister? if she doesnt stop seeing this guy then should i tell my parents or should i cover her sins?

[Ummu Sufyaan]

:sl:
before you do anything you need to weigh out what is more risky and how to avoid her being in danger either way i.e have her kicked out of home and committing zina are both no go zones so sit and think and analyze things out properly first.


if it will stop her committing these sins, talk to your parents. would they really kick her out or is it a threat? if they really would, then dont speak to them unless you can convince them to leave her at home (you can go about his by telling them the dangers of being out of home).

you should confront her and maybe get someone to talk to her. you need to guide her back and try to get her to hand out with the right crowds.

i would want to beat that guy up if it were me, but it would be wrong of me to advise that.

i would try to find a suitable brother for her (good character, deen etc...someone she likes) as a potential and tell her that he has come to propose...maybe she will change her mind then.

my sister told be she was looking for a potential spouse at university and my mum is the one who put her up to it. so i allowed her.

you should have checked back with your mum.

[Rafeeq]

It is nice advice Sis Umm e Shaheed.

I think you should confront her and convince her to keep the boundries.

Better let her bring him home to meet your parents with their permission and educate her being a true friend of her that what your parents will decide will be best for her.

[GuestFellow]

do you think i should go beat this guy up? what should i tell my sister? if she doesnt stop seeing this guy then should i tell my parents or should i cover her sins?

:sl:

No don't beat him up, what on Earth that is going to achieve?

You need to kindly tell your sister that what she is doing is haraam and not acceptable. Explain to her the consequences.

I would avoid telling your parents, it might make things worse. The safest thing you can do is teach her what she is doing is going against Islam. Allah will not forgive her easily if she commits this horrific sin...

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[MT2]

Why not tell your mother about it as she's the one who "put her up to it". Perhaps she would be able to stop her as well.

[Mr.President]

1st of all ask allah !!!!
pray istikhaarah


1st tell ur sis that this is bad and not allowed in islam !
2nd if she avoids u and din listen to u then tell ur mom !

[Raaina]

First of all,

Do these chat logs actually say she's met up with this guy? Or do they just say "I wish... and I want...". Also, if this is something your mother put her up to, then she obviously think's she isn't doing anything wrong.

Don't beat the guy up, that solves nothing, that just end's up with you in trouble and possibly a criminal record. I know you care for your sister, but that is completely the wrong way to go about things.

I suggest you approach your sister about this, but before you do, you need to think carefully what you are going to say and how to say it and then perhaps tell her if she doesn't stop what she is doing then you will inform your parents.

You've read her chat logs and invaded her privacy and as her younger brother, she probably won't be to happy about that, even if you were only trying to protect her.

May Allah make it easy for you and help you decide the best action to take.

[noorseeker]

When i read the title i was like is that it

See unfortuanately nowadays its the norm, so im sure no one on this forum will be like shocked.

[cat eyes]

:sl:

be gentle with her. shes young! my brothers were always putting there foot in my buisness and came down hard on me but that just made me rebel more against them

[seeker-of-light]

"i want you in bed with me???" what a strange thing to say!!!=s
has she actually met this guy? or is it just some internet relationship? either way, this type of things can turn really bad, so i would talk to her about it. be gentle with her about it, but let her know that you are concerned as her brother and that you want whats best for her.

[CosmicPathos]

First of all,

Do these chat logs actually say she's met up with this guy? Or do they just say "I wish... and I want...". Also, if this is something your mother put her up to, then she obviously think's she isn't doing anything wrong.

Don't beat the guy up, that solves nothing, that just end's up with you in trouble and possibly a criminal record. I know you care for your sister, but that is completely the wrong way to go about things.

I suggest you approach your sister about this, but before you do, you need to think carefully what you are going to say and how to say it and then perhaps tell her if she doesn't stop what she is doing then you will inform your parents.

You've read her chat logs and invaded her privacy and as her younger brother, she probably won't be to happy about that, even if you were only trying to protect her.

May Allah make it easy for you and help you decide the best action to take.

So, the US government can invade someone's privacy by tapping their calls just for the sake of greater good and then it is not called "privacy invasion?" Allhamdulillah, the brother was able to find out a sequence of potential sins through this and he, you and his sister should be grateful that Allah (swt) allowed him to find this out before it could get too late in the form of Zina.... and then maybe a baby .... just imagine the worst case scenario.

To the brother: Don't beat up this guy but discuss this out with your sister. Even if you are younger than her, you are a man and your sister must be able to handle what you have to say. Don't come across as a "softy gullible cute lil bro" to her just because you are younger than her. I am saying that because some sisters are skilled at luring their younger brothers into silence and also acceptance of their sinful actions.

[Alpha Dude]

:sl:

do you think i should go beat this guy up? what should i tell my sister? if she doesnt stop seeing this guy then should i tell my parents or should i cover her sins?

I can understand the urge to beat the guy up, but then you have to think, it's not all his fault. Your sister is mature (baaligh) and she made her own decisions. I don't believe the guy forced her into behaving in this way. So it's 'unfair' to beat the guy up for your sister's actions. Maybe if he harrassed her or something, it would be a different story, but this is as much your sister's doing as the guys.

If you did beat him, she is most likely to just rebel against you all. Sadly, that's the way things go.

Keep in mind, it would be really embarrassing for her and you too, if you confronted her saying you saw her say xyz/dodgy stuff.

She might believe she is in love and any sort of attack from you will send her straight into his arms.

I think the best strategy is to accept that 'the harm has already been done' and that you can't make things go back to her being without him, so if you were to confront her, maybe you could try and resolve the situation by bringing up the topic of marriage. Find out about the guy and ask her why he didn't approach her parents for her hand. If she doesn't give a satisfactory answer, let her know that such behaviour is not honourable and a serious person would have done such a thing. If he does have a somewhat 'understandable' reason, then try your best to persuade him to ask her hand properly and if you think he is a good enough guy, give him your support.

^ IF after you have such a conversation she doesn't behave reasonably with you/accept what you say, then tell (not threaten) her simply something like: "sis, look, this is a very serious issue and I really care about you. This is something so big that I can't keep to myself. I really hope for your akhira's sake, that you are serious about marriage and not fooling about. If you can't show me that you are serious by talking about marriage, then I'm afraid this secret is too big a secret for me to keep and I feel it is my duty to tell mum about it".

If that doesn't persuade her, then go ahead and tell your mum cos she was the one who suggested it in the first place.

Do you know who this guy his yourself, btw?

[cat eyes]

good post brother Alpha if you punish her by beating the guy it will make her fall further in to this guys arms cos she will feel pity and lovers always find secret places to meet. if you approach this in the wrong way it will have serious consequences

[CosmicPathos]

good post brother Alpha if you punish her by beating the guy it will make her fall further in to this guys arms cos she will feel pity and lovers always find secret places to meet. if you approach this in the wrong way it will have serious consequences

True said. If you approach it wrongly, I fear it would become the classic Hindi movie scene, in all seriousness, where the lovers are deluded to the extent that they start believing that the whole world is jealous of their love.

[Rasema2]

:sl:
Take a cable from her computer and hide it. If she asks you for it tell her that you will tell your father if she ...
Uh please people,"it will be embarrassing" huhhh I would beat her up! Your father isn't that strict. If he was, your sister would be afraid to say the bed stuff. What kind of guy is she after seriously???

So just let it be, no, it is your responsability to stop the evil or you are apart of that evil.

I don't understand people these days!!!

:raging::raging::raging::raging::raging:
OMG!!! "SHE WILL RUN TO HIS ARMS'. DON'T LET HER. LOCK HER UP!!

"sHE WILL RUN TO HIS ARMS" Will she not anyways?

[Alpha Dude]

:wa:

:sl:
Take a cable from her computer and hide it. If she asks you for it tell her that you will tell your father if she ...
Uh please people,"it will be embarrassing" huhhh I would beat her up! Your father isn't that strict. If he was, your sister would be afraid to say the bed stuff. What kind of guy is she after seriously???

So just let it be, no, it is your responsability to stop the evil or you are apart of that evil.

I don't understand people these days!!!

You're thinking far too simplistic. There is no hikmah behind what you say. You don't have to show force in order to stop the evil, especially in cases like this. There are other ways to resolve this.

:raging::raging::raging::raging::raging:
OMG!!! "SHE WILL RUN TO HIS ARMS'. DON'T LET HER. LOCK HER UP!!

"sHE WILL RUN TO HIS ARMS" Will she not anyways?

Ever heard of a metaphor?

[anonymous]

:sl:
jzk allah khair for all your reponses guys.

i didnt invade her privacy, she saved a chat log on our new computer and i stumbled on it.

I decided i wont go and pummel the guy. (wouldnt want her falling further for him):exhausted im sure he is not serious about marriage even though he says he is (hes a 2nd yr in uni). and ive convinced myself hes just saying what she wants to hear.
first ill try and get her to leave him, if not, then im going to ask my sister to bring him home, or at least talk to my mum about him. if this relationship doesnt become halal then shell have to learn the consequences the hard way.imsad

may Allah make me succesful in my endevour.

[Asiyah3]

May Allah (SWT) always guide you, your sister and your whole family

[harrus]

omg what is this going on ? its terrible, you should confront her and then say dont go out with this dude again and i ban you because ill show my mum and dad the chats

[pokemon]

my sister told be she was looking for a potential spouse at university and my mum is the one who put her up to it. so i allowed her.
now ive found a chat log on msn of her talking to a boy, she tells him all kinds of thngs like i love you, i want you in my bed with me, my sharukh.

i felt so sick when i read these things. +o( im her younger brother by 1 year i need to stop her before she commits zina or something. she has always helped me during difficult times...

i really need help, im at a loss for what to do. if i tell my parents my dad will flip and this is game over for my sister, he might throw her out of the house or something :heated:- im from pakistan but living in the uk currently. i havent confronted her yet.

do you think i should go beat this guy up? what should i tell my sister? if she doesnt stop seeing this guy then should i tell my parents or should i cover her sins?

Asaalaam aliekum
Sorry bro to hear what yr sis is doing MashAllah may u get your rewards from Allah swt for having the concern about your sister ,i think the best way is to make istikarah first on this matter and find out which is the best course to take ,i think daddy needs to know as it hes responsibilty to know as hes right as well to these kind of secrets are not nice,warn your sis about wht shes doing is so totally out of order if she doesnt listen thn daddy needs to b told this is for her own good as well as your en family but make istikarah for Allahs guidence on how to way foward ,All the best Allah bless

[Grofica]

ok i cant say how your sister a lot of people when you tell them NOT to do something that was always the first thing to do on the checklist. if she has not met internet guy yet then find someone good for her and introduce them in the proper way... maybe she will loose intrest... if you choose to talk to her i wouldnt be confrontational. be sensitive about the subject.

[anonymous]

subhanallah, with Allah swt help she left him. when i went to talk to her she was very guilty and it turns out she had started to end the relationship .

anyway she was still going to see him now and then for "work" but alhamdulillah i convinced her not to. she is now going to break ties with him altogether. (and i didnt have to get into a fist fight!)

thx for you great advice guys and duas. may Allah make you sucesful in facing the trials of this dunya. Ameen

[Alpha Dude]

Alhamdulilah.

Don't assume that she will be able to get all thoughts of him out of her head instantly. Shaytan is there and with stuff like this, he will play with her mind. After a few days, weeks or months, it is not unlikely that she might break and want to know how he is doing etc. If they know each other in real life, it is going to be doubly hard for her, given that she will see him around often (I guess).

In light of that, don't leave her alone or wipe your hands with the issue. It is not completely over. Persist in being supportive of your sister and let her know that she must be strong if the shaytan strikes. Try and guide her into being a better muslim always, inshaAllah that will act as a barrier and make her feel guilty enough to stay away for good.

[zakirs]

Few things first

1) explain to her kindly before you complain to her parents.only if she refuses then do so
2) Never at this point look down upon her as if she is a lesser muslim than you.She just made some mistakes. Be kind to her.

3) SPYING is also not allowed in islam.


:sl: