The Traditional wedding of the Lakotah Sioux is simple:
In the old days, marriages were usually arranged by the parents in both Sioux and Cherokee society, and the formal request for a bride was made by presenting gifts (the bride price - usually food, blankets, and fine clothing, and later horses) to the bride's parents, who made the decision to accept or reject the marriage proposal for the girl.
Most marriages were arranged this way, although there were a few romantic marriages instigated by the young people.
Sioux Courtship and Wedding Customs
In Sioux culture it was usually the fathers who negotiated the marriage, looking for like minded political alliances, or a social tie that would strengthen the stature of the bride's family in the community, or an acomplished hunter or warrior who would be an asset in providing for and protecting the whole extended family.
While Sioux fathers took the lead and had the final say in such matters, mothers did the steering, and heavily influenced the stance taken by the fathers. Often the father would consider the wishes of a favored daughter, but this wasn't always the case.
If gifts were accepted and the father approved, the girl would have no say in the matter, even if she was opposed to the marriage.
Sioux girls were taught that chastity before marriage was such a virtue, that even an implied loss of it would prevent them from being worthy of praying to the Great Spirit. This was so ingrained into their culture and belief system that they would not even look directly at a member of the opposite sex that was not a family member, and they were given few opportunities to be alone with potential suitors. A good Sioux daughter would never let herself get into such a predicament.
Sioux girls usually married shortly after having their pueberty rites, which were held when they reached mensus, but males were expected to participate in at least one or more successful war parties or horse raids to prove their valor and courage before they were considered worthy of a wife, so the average Sioux groom was usually quite a bit older, sometimes by as much as 20 years or more.
Older women might also be aquired as wives when a spouse was killed. The brother of the deceased was expected to marry his brother's widow. Occasionally, a divorced person would remarry, but this was rare because it wasn't socially acceptable. Divorce was accepted, but divorced people were expected to remain single for the rest of their lives. Those who did remarry were often ostracized from their band.
Because there were more women than men due to casualties of war and hunting accidents, most Sioux men had two or more wives. Often a man married sisters. This family tie helped to keep bickering and jealousy among the wives to a minimum. A man could have as many wives as he could afford to care for, and more wives meant less work for the women.
Today, a Sioux Wedding Prayer would probably be included in the ceremony, but in the old days, a Sioux wedding was very informal. Once a son announced his intention to seek a bride, his mother would begin making a new elk skin lodge and gathering materials for the interior furnishings needed for daily living. The new lodge wouldn't be set up right away, but would probably be erected the next time the village moved their camp.
When a new lodge went up, the whole village knew a marriage proposal would soon be coming and watched to see at whose lodge the bride gifts would be left. The typical price for a bride was 1-4 horses and various goods, but if the gifts weren't immediately accepted, the hopeful suitor might add more horses and other gifts as the day progressed.
On very rare occasions up to forty horses were offered, and there have been a handful of recorded bride prices of over 100 horses. If the bride gifts weren't accepted by the end of the day, the suitor would come to collect them, losing much face in the process.
If the proposal was accepted, the bride and her father would come out to inspect the gifts, then lead the horses off to join their herds and distribute the other gifts among relatives and tribal members in need.
Sioux Marriage Ceremony
The next morning arrangements were made for the usual marriage festival which consisted of feasting and the performance of a dance in which only the women took part. In this dance the women and children form a large circle in the center of which four or five drummers are beating the drum while others are cooking and dishing out soup and meat to the persons composing the circle. These, as soon as they had partaken of food, joined the dancers within the circle and danced until they were weary and then fell back to the circle and in a sitting posture rested and ate again.
This dance continued during the entire day. As late afternoon approached, the betrothed couple, accompanied by a number of their friends, visited their new abode and made an inspection of the premises and visited until the master of ceremonies appeared on the scene and announced that the hour of proclaiming their marriage had arrived.
Next, four warriors spread a large blanket, with each one taking hold of a corner and holding it high in the air. The wedding couple stepped under it while the remainder of the party formed a line in the rear. The medicine man took the lead then gave the order to march.
The four warriors, each holding a corner of the blanket with one hand and a spear in the other, marched through the village, while the master of ceremony, arrayed in paint and feathers and holding a green ash wand that he used as a baton, loudly proclaimed the nuptial knot and sounded the praises of the happy pair.
The ceremony was not concluded until near sundown, the progress of the march being continually interrupted by the proffered congratulations of friends.
After the pageant had ended, the couple separated, but, when night began to spread over the village, the groom went to his new home and kindled a fire. Shortly afterwards his closest friends began to assemble, and, as darkness fell, a small procession composed entirely of women approached the lodge singing and bearing torches. These were the personal friends and relatives of the bride and they were carrying her in a blanket supported by six women.
When they came to the lodge, the flap of the door having been thrown back for the occasion, they entered and deposited their burden at the feet of her husband, who, in playful imitation of "counting coup" [pronounced "coo"] on an enemy, struck her with the ramrod of his rifle exclaiming "You are mine."
This ended the ceremony, and the wife at once began her household duties by preparing supper for their mutual friends, who remained and spent the evening with them.