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SweetCherryPie
01-15-2010, 06:18 AM
:sl:

I'm interested to know everyone's opinion on adoption.

Is it something that you would do? Or wouldn't, if so - why?

Is it appropriate to discuss with your fiance/fiancee regarding this matter? Or do you wait until the solemnisation and THEN discuss about it?

Any input is appreciated :)

Thank you!
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S_87
01-15-2010, 03:34 PM
:w:

if its something you definitely plan on doing then maybe the subject should be touched lightly before marriage just to see what his thoughts are on the subject. but if he is hesitant.

dont know if i would do it, would like to though a little later in life
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Muslim Woman
01-15-2010, 03:47 PM
:wa:

format_quote Originally Posted by SweetCherryPie
:sl:

Or wouldn't, if so - why?
because if we adopt a girl , my husband will be her non- muharim and if we adopt a boy , he will be my non- muharim . When the adopted kid will reach his/her puberty , we won't be allowed to stay alone in private. It will create problem .

I want to sponson orphans but don't want to adopt them .



Is it appropriate to discuss with your fiance/fiancee regarding this matter?
if u are serious about it , then yes , u should discuss it before marriage . But why u want to adopt ?
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Insaanah
01-15-2010, 04:42 PM
:sl:

Please see this link on the difference between adoption and sponsoring an orphan:

http://www.islam-qa.com/en/ref/5201/adoption

In adoption, you give the child the surname of your husband (forbidden) and you give them a share in inheritance (forbidden) and they become like the real brothers and sisters of your children (forbidden).

In sponsoring, you bring them up properly, spend on them etc, but don't do any of the above. So they retain their own surname (fathers name), don't have a share in your inheritance and are non-mahrams for your real children.

Allah knows best.

:sl:
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SweetCherryPie
01-15-2010, 05:42 PM
I think it's important to have this sort of discussion before tying the knot as to avoid any misunderstanding.

As for the non-muhrim matter - I never quite thought of that! This really opened my eyes. So yes, there is that and also, the forbidden matters as what Insane Insaan has posted.

The reason I brought this up in discussion is because at times, I wonder what if I can't conceive or my fiance is unable to? What then? Can man actually want to be with a woman who is unable to conceive?

I brought this up with my fiance and he said he can't think of that right now and added that he wants his own baby ...
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syilla
01-16-2010, 03:25 PM
salams ukhtee...

If you don't mind telling me...why you're thinking that not able to conceive? If there is a no problem...i would advise you not to think negatively because even a woman who 10 years did not conceive but she did conceive after that. So it is better to be optimistic :)
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S<Chowdhury
01-16-2010, 04:32 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by SweetCherryPie
:sl:

I'm interested to know everyone's opinion on adoption.

Is it something that you would do? Or wouldn't, if so - why?

Is it appropriate to discuss with your fiance/fiancee regarding this matter? Or do you wait until the solemnisation and THEN discuss about it?

Any input is appreciated :)

Thank you!
Looking at the replies i haven't seen any brothers comment so I'd like to be the first LOL;D, firstly adoption is something I'd personally love to do but then again I love kids and i personally hate feeling that a child feels neglected or unloved. A personal perspective i remind you not a religious, but i wouldn't understand why God would punish you for taking in a child who maybe was left by its father or mother or lost them and give them happiness and make them feel loved again, but i guess thats me being old fashioned lol. In terms of what Insane Insaan i never really thought of that hmmm but i rather think of it as a good thing when adopting, its more of a blessing than a curse i would think.

In terms of s it appropriate to discuss with your fiance/fiancee regarding this matter? Or do you wait until the solemnisation and THEN discuss about it?

We Males hate surprises like that, you should definitely discuss the issue before you enter marriage.
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Hamza Asadullah
01-16-2010, 04:52 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by S<Chowdhury
Looking at the replies i haven't seen any brothers comment so I'd like to be the first LOL;D, firstly adoption is something I'd personally love to do but then again I love kids and i personally hate feeling that a child feels neglected or unloved. A personal perspective i remind you not a religious, but i wouldn't understand why God would punish you for taking in a child who maybe was left by its father or mother or lost them and give them happiness and make them feel loved again, but i guess thats me being old fashioned lol. In terms of what Insane Insaan i never really thought of that hmmm but i rather think of it as a good thing when adopting, its more of a blessing than a curse i would think.

In terms of s it appropriate to discuss with your fiance/fiancee regarding this matter? Or do you wait until the solemnisation and THEN discuss about it?

We Males hate surprises like that, you should definitely discuss the issue before you enter marriage.
:sl:

Here is the Islamic perspective of adopting a child:

In the name of Allah, the Compassionate, the Merciful

Adopting a child, bringing it up, seeing to its education and training and being kind and good towards him/her is very virtuous and a commendable act. If the child is an orphan and has no support, then the reward is much more.

In a Hadith recorded by Imam al-Bukhari in his Sahih, the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) said: “I and the guardian of the orphan will be in Paradise like this”, and the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) joined his index finger with his middle finger. Meaning that the one who looks after the orphan will be very close to the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) in Paradise.

This is an extremely neglected Sunnah of our beloved Prophet (Allah bless him & give him peace) and we should definitely encourage ourselves and others towards this direction.

However, it should always be kept in mind that according to Shariah, the lineage of the adopted child does not become established with the adoptive parents. Adoption of a child has no legal effect in Shariah. The child should not be attributed except to the natural parents, and not to those who have adopted him/her.

This is a fundamental principle and ruling laid down by the Holy Qura’n. The people in the days of ignorance (Jahiliyya) used to treat an adopted child as the real one in all aspects. The Qura’n condemned this practice with the following verse:

“And He (Allah) did not make your adopted sons your sons. That is only your speech by your mouths. And Allah guides you to the right path. Call them by (the names of) their (real) fathers. It is more just in the sight of Allah”. (Surah al-Ahzab,v:4, 5)

The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) adopted the Companion Zaid ibn Haritha (Allah be pleased with him) and the other companions (Allah be pleased with them) initially referred to him as “Zaid ibn Muhammad.” When the abovementioned verse of the Qura’n was revealed, they reverted to calling him “Zaid ibn Haritha.”

In view of this important principle of Shariah, the following points need to be taken in to consideration:

1) Legal adoption is not permissible. This means that one cannot change the lineage of an adopted child and substitute the names of his real parents with adoptive parents. The child should always be attributed to the real parents so that it becomes common knowledge amongst the people who the real parents are.

2) If the adoptive mother breastfeeds the adopted child, then it becomes their foster child. In this case the child will be similar to the real children with regards to the Nikah and Hijab rules, i.e. the child can not marry the foster parent, neither any of the foster parent’s children. However with regards to inheritance, it will not inherit from the family.

3) If the adoptive mother does not breastfeed the adopted child, then the relationship of fosterage will not be established and the child will be classed as other children with regards to Nikah and Hijab. An adopted child can marry it’s adoptive parents and their children. Also if a male child is adopted by a woman, she will observe Hijab from him after he reaches the age of puberty and visa versa. The adopted child will also (after puberty) observe Hijab with the adoptive parent’s children.

4) An adopted child will not inherit from his adoptive parents and to regard an adopted child as a real child in the matter of inheritance is incorrect. However, it should be remembered that although the child cannot inherit from the adoptive parents, it is permissible, rather advisable to make a bequest in its favor in ones life time. This will for the child can be made up to one third of ones wealth, provided the child is not already included in the list of inheritors.

5) It is necessary to allow the adopted child to meet it’s real parents. Preventing him/her from meeting them and creating any obstacles will be considered as oppression.

6) Good behavior and conduct should be displayed towards the adopted children, especially if they are orphans. If a person cannot look after the adopted child in a proper manner, then he should not adopt, otherwise he will earn punishment rather than reward.

7) The wealth of the adopted child who has not yet reached puberty, should be kept safe. If there is a need to spend the money on the child then one can utilize the child’s money upon him. However it should be spent with extreme care and there should be no extravagance. Loans cannot be taken from the child’s money, nor can it be given in charity.


And only Allah knows best

Sheikh Muhammad ibn Adam al-Kawthari

Daru lIfta, Leicester
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Muslim Woman
01-16-2010, 05:13 PM
:sl:

format_quote Originally Posted by SweetCherryPie
I wonder what if I can't conceive or my fiance is unable to?

Why u are thinking this ...u are not even married yet . Do u have any sickness where there is a risk that u can't have ur own baby ?

What then? Can man actually want to be with a woman who is unable to conceive?
when there is love and understanding between wife and husband and incidently they can't have baby , yes , in all cases they don't get divorced just because of this issue.

Before marriage , if a man knows that a woman is sick and can't have baby , then I don't know. Brothers can answer to this question better. May be , in that case , a sis can considered to marry a man with kids.
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جوري
01-16-2010, 08:40 PM
I think if I don't get married, I'll probably adopt/sponsor a baby girl.. she'll keep her name but I'd treat her like she were my own...

I have so much love to give and I know there are lots of children out there who would love and need a stable home...

:w:
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S<Chowdhury
01-16-2010, 08:45 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Muslim Woman
:sl: Before marriage , if a man knows that a woman is sick and can't have baby , then I don't know. Brothers can answer to this question better. May be , in that case , a sis can considered to marry a man with kids.
It all depends on the person really doesn't it?

To be honest in many cultures having a child is a rite of passage for a Man, not being able to conceive sort of hurts his pride, such as not having a "boy" can also in some cultures. But also as you grow older i guess there would be a sort of emptiness in your life and maybe the love between the both of you is not enough to fill that gap. It also depends on the family as well, some families would really discourage a man marrying a women who is unable to conceive.

But then if this person truly loves you then i see no reason why not to marry...... and well there are always other options such as adoption, or IVF treatment i think is permissible ?
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CosmicPathos
01-16-2010, 08:57 PM
I personally would not adopt a child from the fear of not meeting the needs of an orphan. The fears are real. It is a huge responsibility and I do not want to be responsible for creating flaws in a kid just because I felt I can support him and then it turns out that the lack of genetic relationship with him/her overcomes my general love for him/her and creates problems.
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SweetCherryPie
01-19-2010, 07:27 PM
Hello everyone, thank you so much for your replies. I have been away and busy with organising my aunt's visit among other things! I really appreciate all the feedback and will respond to them as soon as I am done with my tasks!

Thank you once again!
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