salam alaikum
how are u sisters and brothers.i was a little ill but ALHAMDULLIAH i am doing fine
According to
www.helpguide.org
Successful conflict resolution depends on your ability to:
* Manage stress while remaining alert and calm. By staying calm, you can accurately read and interpret verbal and nonverbal communication.
* Control your emotions and behavior. When you’re in control of your emotions, you can communicate your needs without threatening, frightening, or punishing others.
* Pay attention to the feelings being expressed as well as the spoken words of others.
* Be aware of and respectful of differences. By avoiding disrespectful words and actions, you can resolve the problem faster.
Healthy and unhealthy ways of managing and resolving conflict
Conflict triggers strong emotions and can lead to hurt feelings, disappointment, and discomfort. When handled in an unhealthy manner, it can cause irreparable rifts, resentments, and break-ups. But when conflict is resolved in a healthy way, it increases our understanding of one another, builds trust, and strengthens our relationship bonds.
Unhealthy responses to conflict are characterized by:
* An inability to recognize and respond to matters of great importance to the other person
* Explosive, angry, hurtful, and resentful reactions
* The withdrawal of love, resulting in rejection, isolation, shaming, and fear of abandonment
* The expectation of bad outcomes
* The fear and avoidance of conflict
Healthy responses to conflict are characterized by:
* The capacity to recognize and respond to important matters
* A readiness to forgive and forget
* The ability to seek compromise and avoid punishing
* A belief that resolution can support the interests and needs of both parties
Four key conflict resolution skills
The ability to successfully manage and resolve conflict depends on four key skills. Together, these four skills form a fifth skill that is greater than the sum of its parts: the ability to take conflict in stride and resolve differences in ways that build trust and confidence.
Conflict resolution skill 1: Quickly relieve stress
Quickly relieve stressThe capacity to remain relaxed and focused in tense situations is a vital aspect of conflict resolution. If you don’t know how to stay centered and in control of yourself, you may become emotionally overwhelmed in challenging situations. The best way to rapidly and reliably relieve stress is through the senses: sight, sound, touch, taste, and smell. But each person responds differently to sensory input, so you need to find things that are soothing to you.
See How to Manage Stress: Tips to Quickly Relieve Stress in the Moment.
Conflict resolution skill 2: Recognize and manage your emotions.
Recognize and manage your emotions.Emotional awareness is the key to understanding yourself and others. If you don’t know how you feel or why you feel that way, you won’t be able to communicate effectively or smooth over disagreements. Although knowing your own feelings may seem simple, many people ignore or try to sedate strong emotions like anger, sadness, and fear. But your ability to handle conflict depends on being connected to these feelings. If you’re afraid of strong emotions or if you insist on finding solutions that are strictly rational, your ability to face and resolve differences will be impaired.
See Emotional Awareness: Managing and Dealing with Emotions and Feelings
Conflict resolution skill 3: Improve your nonverbal communication skills
Improve your nonverbal communication skillsThe most important information exchanged during conflicts and arguments is often communicated nonverbally. Nonverbal communication includes eye contact, facial expression, tone of voice, posture, touch, and gestures. When you’re in the middle of a conflict, paying close attention to the other person’s nonverbal signals may help you figure out what the other person is really saying, respond in a way that builds trust, and get to the root of the problem. Simply nonverbal signals such as a calm tone of voice, a reassuring touch, or a concerned facial expression can go a long way toward defusing a heated exchange.
See Nonverbal Communication Skills: The Power of Body Language and Nonverbal Cues
Conflict resolution skill 4: Use humor and play to deal with challenges
You can avoid many confrontations and resolve arguments and disagreements by communicating in a playful or humorous way. Humor can help you say things that might otherwise be difficult to express without creating a flap. However, it’s important that you laugh with the other person, not at them. When humor and play are used to reduce tension and anger, reframe problems, and put the situation into perspective, the conflict can actually become an opportunity for greater connection and intimacy.
See Playful Communication Skills: Using Laughter and Play in Relationships
Tips for managing and resolving conflict
Managing and resolving conflict requires emotional maturity, self-control, and empathy. It can be tricky, frustrating, and even frightening. You can ensure that the process is as positive as possible by sticking to the following conflict resolution guidelines:
* Make the relationship your priority. Maintaining and strengthening the relationship, rather than “winning” the argument, should always be your first priority. Be respectful of the other person and his or her viewpoint.
* Focus on the present. If you’re holding on to old hurts and resentments, your ability to see the reality of the current situation will be impaired. Rather than looking to the past and assigning blame, focus on what you can do in the here-and-now to solve the problem.
* Pick your battles. Conflicts can be draining, so it’s important to consider whether the issue is really worthy of your time and energy. Maybe you don't want to surrender a parking space if you’ve been circling for 15 minutes. But if there are dozens of spots, arguing over a single space isn’t worth it.
* Be willing to forgive. Resolving conflict is impossible if you’re unwilling or unable to forgive. Resolution lies in releasing the urge to punish, which can never compensate for our losses and only adds to our injury by further depleting and draining our lives.
* Know when to let something go. If you can’t come to an agreement, agree to disagree. It takes two people to keep an argument going. If a conflict is going nowhere, you can choose to disengage and move on.
Fair fighting: Ground rules
Remain calm. Try not to overreact to difficult situations. By remaining calm it will be more likely that others will consider your viewpoint.
Express feelings in words, not actions. Telling someone directly and honestly how you feel can be a very powerful form of communication. If you start to feel so angry or upset that you feel you may lose control, take a "time out" and do something to help yourself feel steadier.
Be specific about what is bothering you. Vague complaints are hard to work on.
Deal with only one issue at a time. Don't introduce other topics until each is fully discussed. This avoids the "kitchen sink" effect where people throw in all their complaints while not allowing anything to be resolved.
No "hitting below the belt." Attacking areas of personal sensitivity creates an atmosphere of distrust, anger, and vulnerability.
Avoid accusations. Accusations will cause others to defend themselves. Instead, talk about how someone's actions made you feel
Don't generalize. Avoid words like "never" or "always." Such generalizations are usually inaccurate and will heighten tensions.
Avoid "make believe." Exaggerating or inventing a complaint - or your feelings about it - will prevent the real issues from surfacing. Stick with the facts and your honest feelings.
Don't stockpile. Storing up lots of grievances and hurt feelings over time is counterproductive. It's almost impossible to deal with numerous old problems for which interpretations may differ. Try to deal with problems as they arise.
Avoid clamming up. When one person becomes silent and stops responding to the other, frustration and anger can result. Positive results can only be attained with two-way communication.
Source: The Counseling & Mental Health Center at The University of Texas at Austin
Managing and resolving conflict by learning how to listen
When people are upset, the words they use rarely convey the issues and needs at the heart of the problem. When we listen for what is felt as well as said, we connect more deeply to our own needs and emotions, and to those of other people. Listening in this way also strengthens us, informs us, and makes it easier for others to hear us.
Tips for being a better listener:
* Listen to the reasons the other person gives for being upset.
* Make sure you understand what the other person is telling you—from his or her point of view.
* Repeat the other person’s words, and ask if you have understood correctly.
* Ask if anything remains unspoken, giving the person time to think before answering.
* Resist the temptation to interject your own point of view until the other person has said everything he or she wants to say and feels that you have listened to and understood his or her message.
When listening to the other person's point of view, the following responses are often helpful:
Encourage the other person to share his or her issues as fully as possible.
* "I want to understand what has upset you."
* "I want to know what you are really hoping for."
Clarify the real issues, rather than making assumptions. Ask questions that allow you to gain this information, and which let the other person know you are trying to understand.
* "Can you say more about that?"
* "Is that the way it usually happens?"
Restate what you have heard, so you are both able to see what has been understood so far - it may be that the other person will then realize that additional information is needed.
* "It sounds like you weren't expecting that to happen."
Reflect feelings - be as clear as possible.
* "I can imagine how upsetting that must have been."
Validate the concerns of the other person, even if a solution is elusive at this time. Expressing appreciation can be a very powerful message if it is conveyed with integrity and respect.
* "I really appreciate that we are talking about this issue."
* "I am glad we are trying to figure this out."
do not forget to pray to ALLAH, doing good deeds and meeting people with a smile face.
Laughter is good for your health
* Laughter relaxes the whole body. A good, hearty laugh relieves physical tension and stress, leaving your muscles relaxed for up to 45 minutes after.
* Laughter boosts the immune system. Laughter decreases stress hormones and increases immune cells and infection-fighting antibodies, thus improving your resistance to disease.
* Laughter triggers the release of endorphins, the body’s natural feel-good chemicals. Endorphins promote an overall sense of well-being and can even temporarily relieve pain.
* Laughter protects the heart. Laughter improves the function of blood vessels and increases blood flow, which can help protect you against a heart attack and other cardiovascular problems.
The Benefits of Laughter
Physical Health Benefits:
* Boosts immunity
* Lowers stress hormones
* Decreases pain
* Relaxes your muscles
* Prevents heart disease
Mental Health Benefits:
* Adds joy and zest to life
* Eases anxiety and fear
* Relieves stress
* Improves mood
* Enhances resilience
Social Benefits:
* Strengthens relationships
* Attracts others to us
* Enhances teamwork
* Helps defuse conflict
* Promotes group bonding
Laughter and humor help you stay emotionally healthy
Laughter makes you feel good. And the good feeling that you get when you laugh remains with you even after the laughter subsides. Humor helps you keep a positive, optimistic outlook through difficult situations, disappointments, and loss.
More than just a respite from sadness and pain, laughter gives you the courage and strength to find new sources of meaning and hope. Even in the most difficult of times, a laugh–or even simply a smile–can go a long way toward making you feel better. And laughter really is contagious—just hearing laughter primes your brain and readies you to smile and join in on the fun.
The link between laughter and mental health
The link between laughter and mental health
* Laughter dissolves distressing emotions. You can’t feel anxious, angry, or sad when you’re laughing.
* Laughter helps you relax and recharge. It reduces stress and increases energy, enabling you to stay focused and accomplish more.
* Humor shifts perspective, allowing you to see situations in a more realistic, less threatening light. A humorous perspective creates psychological distance, which can help you avoid feeling overwhelmed.
Source: University of Wisconsin, Madison