may Allah protect our youth. beautiful reminder.
it extremely saddens me when i hear stories like this. *not being judgmental or anything* but the worst thing is you look at the family, and you cant help but think "can you really blame these youth." Muslim families need to get the family dynamics sorted! Islam is become a culture for so many people. you wear the hijab, grow your beard because this is what you see others in your family doing. heck for some, they dont even have this luxury...they dont care about the deen, they dont care that their kids go astray in a god-less environment..."when you are in Rome, do like the Romans" that's the way they think =(...and yet they are so oblivious to the consequences. unfortunately in this environment, you tend to not really grasp the concept of Islam and its teachings because you haven't really studied it...as i said its just a culture...theres nothing really rooted in you to keep up with islam other than what they see others doing...so when a temptation like this comes a long or you move from an Islamic (read: Muslim) culture, chances are you arent going to adhere to your culture...its like those people who were born and raised in an Islamic country, but when they come to the west, you see them changing their names, etc. why? because they haven't really grasped the concepts of Islam. that's one issue...another issue is that no one really listens to their kids. of course i dont mean any disrespect for our parents, but some people who raise their kids, seem have this mentality that no matter what, their kids will listen to them because this is how they
were raised...in other words, old habits die hard...no-one takes into consideration that it takes a whole society to raise a child. back home you can do whatever you want, because everyone thinks and acts the same. if you shout at your kids for getting out of line, the kid will think this is ok because everyone shouts at their kids...back home, the parents shout at their kids, the kid goes to his friend complain, his friend tells him "yep, what you done was way off" in a society where you have other options and the majority of people dont obey or listen to their parents...there is no guess for whats bound to happen. a lot of parents are innocent, they think that since they were so good mannered, innocent and naive, then their child is going to grow up the same, even in a god-less society! people really need to communicate with their kids, seriously :hmm:
and lets not forget the one-sided beyond words sexist rubbish that seems to exist in a lot of our cultures. women/girls dont get listened or cared for properly, end of story! boys can have girlfriends, but sisters cant have boyfriends...im in no way saying that premarital relationships are cool and are to be encouraged, not at all. but when people see that they aren't being listened to, and even worse coming off second best to their own siblings...well i'll just say, its a disaster in the making.
since i haven't yapped on enough i have one other thing to add, brothers and sisters, please pick out your friends carefully. its ok to talk about marriage and all, but do realize that there are boundaries i.e anything *even with the intention of marriage* out of the bounds of what Allah and his rasool sallalahu aleyhi wa sallam told you to stay away from, they aren't kidding, stay away from it. it is there for a reason. <---something else families need to teach their kids: know which people you should be around and befriend. just because you are teenagers at college, doesn't mean you are mature and grown up-i hate to break it to you, but you are far from it. you are like infants, only of a different kind. when you befriend people, you pretty much all have the same mindset...birds of a feather flock together...so if you're sitting there yapping about about what you yap on about, you're not really going to know where you are going wrong or what you should avoid... the blind lead the blind so this also all needs to be taught beforehand =(
p.s please forgive me if i've said anything out of line.
and I have read of the story of that very young lady on this forum, it is devastating .. problem is when a person has their surge of teenage emotions, they don't know how to distinguish between physiological reactions and hormones naturally occurring in their body to prepare them for future events vs. 'love' so they often don't heed the advice and sadly they think that no one understands them because no one else felt this way.. but there is a reason that Allah swt mentions and repeatedly in the Quran whether or not we can restrain ourselves from our lowly desires and Chanel them into proper avenues..
The real problem isn't in having feelings or growing.. it is how our society handles it with shame and rebuke instead of understanding and communication. And I find that sad.. my own parents were so strict that every attempt I had made to have a 'life' was so futile.. and the end result was extreme isolation (which I don't agree with at all) .. what I did from that was Chanel all my frustrations and anger toward studying and bouts upon bouts of anxiety which I never fully recovered from..
I hope a better system that enables folks to have better communication with their family, and spiritual leaders is set up so that one doesn't swerve between extremes but establishes a pious righteous life with a good balance and a hopeful outcome..
that too :thumbs_up