The Marriage Thread

[Getoffmyback]

how much are you planning to spend on your wedding?;D


Edit by Rashad: Important Note! Excuse my intrusion upon your post, Getoffmyback. Just wanted to make a quick announcement lol. This thread is for anything related to marriage. I will personally strictly moderate this thread to ensure that nothing un-Halaal is being discussed. Keep jokes the minimum and restrict them to the gender appropriate sections. Depending on the results of this thread, we MAY open a MARRIAGE FORUM! *drumroll* ... or shall I say *duff-roll* ?

[CosmicPathos]

$500? Nothing more. Excluding the mahr.

[Getoffmyback]

$500? Nothing more. Excluding the mahr.

u gonna need a verry good sister then.

[CosmicPathos]

u gonna need a verry good sister then.

lol i know. Also good in-laws who are not cultural minded with love for Hindu traditions. I can avoid that though if I can get a non-desi wife :p. And I do deserve that ;D may Allah make it easy for all unmarried religious brothers and sisters who have a desire. A brother was worried that he need to collect up $50,000 if he wants to be married and I was just in shock.

Hey there! Looks like you're enjoying the discussion, but you're not signed up for an account.

When you create an account, you can participate in the discussions and share your thoughts. You also get notifications, here and via email, whenever new posts are made. And you can like posts and make new friends.
Sign Up

[Life_Is_Short]

£100? :ermm:

[Getoffmyback]

£100? :ermm:

What ! You never attended a wedding . The sheikh costs more than 100 Quid

[جوري]

weddings are so overrated and I suspect if you ask some sister separately they'll tell you that the wedding is more for the family and friends than the bride..
my sister showed up two hours late to her own wedding because she was working that day.. my brother didn't have a wedding at all.. and I personally don't like the idea of feeding a bunch of gawkers for what is supposed to be a special day for two..
The ideas of weddings appalls me were it not for the remote religious factor associated with them I'd think that having the contract in front of the needed witnesses should be all there is.. I give you the assurance that if women are asked, they'd prefer the money go toward a nice honeymoon or something in the house than a 4-6 hour gathering..

of course I am not familiar with all cultures here .. I was surprised enough to learn that indian/paki brides have to live with their in laws.. in such a case I can understand their desire for a large wedding, for what else is there to look forward to :haha: I am being mean but anyhow surveying the women that I know the majority if not in totality none care for large ceremonies..

spend it on a nice ring and a honeymoon and be good to your women..

:w:

[Italianguy]

Well...my wedding was huge. But keep in mind It was an Italian and Indian wedding. I had 170 family members and friends (Italian side) my wife had 440 family memebers and friends (Indian side) the wedding lasted 3 days. We had guests come in from Italy and India.....we couldn't just do a 6 hour wedding.

The wedding party had 26 people. 13 brides mades and 13 groomesmen. We had 4 flower girls and 2 ring bearers, 10 ushers.

The actuall wedding took two hours (ceremony) We had an organist, two violinists and some one playing a harp....I know ,the harp was a little weird, i thought it was weird too.:hmm:

The Mehndi, wich took place the night before took 6 hours, the reception....2.5 days....:exhausted My wife changed into 14 diffrerent saris and i changed into 5 different Sherwani's.

We had 7 diferent entertainers, and my wife and I put on a boolywood type show for her family;D

Mehndi=$ 5,880.00

Ceremony= $ 10,290.00

Reception (Includes all clothing, her sari's ect.ect everythng)= $29,112.20

Rings= $ 28,000.00 (in a security box at bank) She wears a smal one for day to day stuff.

Total= $ 73,282.20 ( good thing her dad is a doctor;D)

Being married to the most beautiful and awesome woman in the world.= PRICELESS:D


Honey moon= Havent taken one yet! We are supposed to go to India for 3 weeks, then Italy for 3 weeks.....When, we don't know?imsad

[Malaikah]

$500? Nothing more. Excluding the mahr.

Unless you have a tiny family, that will hardly cover the cost of the food.:phew

[Beardo]

Interesting question.

Minimal as possible for the extravagances. But otherwise, I want to invite everyone I know.

You guys mentioned 100 pounds etc, but to feed a meal per person here in America, MINIMUM is $11 a head. Room rent is an additional cost.

I don't want centerpieces and what have you. I just want an occasion which is comfortable with food, tables, and chairs for all. Nobody shall be left out, and especially, no "Mr & Mrs" business. What's fair for one is fair for all.

Realistically speaking, it'll probably be a few thousand dollars.

And it being a once in a lifetime experience (for the most of us), I don't want any regrets from my beautiful/smart/intelligent/pious/all-rounded, good, all praiseworthy traits... future wife (insha'Allah), my family, or anyone to have any regrets. :D

[Beardo]

I'm not sure if this is allowed to be posted according to IB rules and regulations, but here's my observations of the topic of marriage in this day and age.

It's definitely a hot topic. Marriage Seminars attract a lot of people. You'll notice on IB alone how thriving those threads regarding marriage are.

Yet, people take it lightly.

I may be a bit young, but that shouldn't mean I shouldn't talk about marriage.

Like my teacher was asking me my plan of my life. So I mentioned a few goals I have in mind, and then I mentioned "And then I also want to get married." That's when my teacher and the students around started laughing. I mean, really, it's something that should be kept in mind. You don't want to be stepping into the wrong path.

At any rate, I also think it's important to get married young. Not too young. You should have a degree or some financial and educational background first. Whether you admit it or not, marriage may pull you down.

My teacher, Mufti Ridwan Ahmed, said that marriage is like an anchor. ... And a child is another anchor.

So yeah. That's all I got to say.

[Italianguy]

Unless you have a tiny family, that will hardly cover the cost of the food.:phew

That won't even cover the table cloths....for the food to sit on;D

But if he can pull it off, he will be the next great weding planner:D

[Beardo]

You have to think realistically. It's impressive to see so many people on here who understand the value of a simple wedding though. But 100 pounds, $500... Won't cut it lol. Good luck finding a spouse with that budget. ;D ...Wait. I take that back. That sounded like an old unkil joke.

Speaking of weddings... My friend told me his neighbor had a wedding... They spent like $350,000.

I Was like. WHAT?! Give me that money in cash and I could live years off of it. :hmm:

[Italianguy]

You have to think realistically. It's impressive to see so many people on here who understand the value of a simple wedding though. But 100 pounds, $500... Won't cut it lol. Good luck finding a spouse with that budget. ;D ...Wait. I take that back. That sounded like an old unkil joke.

Speaking of weddings... My friend told me his neighbor had a wedding... They spent like $350,000.

I Was like. WHAT?! Give me that money in cash and I could live years off of it. :hmm:

$350,000.00 !!!!!!!!!!! I thought mine was expensive at just over $73,000.00......their cake probably cost that much;D

[CosmicPathos]

The nikah ceremony should not cost much. You basically contact the masjid imam and ask him to arrange for you a time at which he can read the nikah. You invite friends and close family to nikah. It should not cost that much.

Waleema, you invite friends to your favorite restaurant and you can be done under $500 with good food. Buffet plans

lol.

@ skye: Regarding paki/indian brides living with parents, yes, its sort of a culture and the tradition is called Rukhsati. Of course I disagree with all these traditions as they have been borrowed from India.

I discussed this out with my mom. She does not care if her sons' wives live with her or not but she expects her sons to live with her and her husband. And that is the right thing to do. They looked after me 24/7 when I was a weakling. I have to look after them when they are old.

[Beardo]

The nikah ceremony should not cost much. You basically contact the masjid imam and ask him to arrange for you a time at which he can read the nikah. You invite friends and close family to nikah. It should not cost that much.

Waleema, you invite friends to your favorite restaurant and you can be done under $500 with good food. Buffet plans

lol.

The Nikkah ceremony could be within $100. Just make some goody bags with your family and done.

Waleemah... $500? That's not realistic, unless you're inviting like 50 people, that's without the room. You'll be having your waleemah in a public setting...

I personally want my Waleemah in a community center or some decent area. Women in one room, men in one room. Have it organized, fun, Halaal, and so forth.

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

:sl:

Point of the thread is....

"It's OK to talk about marriage."

Correct? lol

Indeed it is! Whether I'm right or not :hmm: Yeaa but I dunno why people think it's so darn funny when one mentions it or in my case by my MOM saying..."shameful." :mmokay:

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

I don't know :S But it should be as simple as POSSIBLE lol inshaAllah...:D

500 bucks will barely cover....lol.

[Vito]

I don't plan on spending much or even having a party to be honest. I'd rather use that money we would of spent, on a trip for the two of us for a week or two. If anything, I'd rather just have a family get together and have dinner or something at my place. Keep it old fashion. I'll make sure that is the first thing I mention to her so that way I don't waste any of her time. Either she will stay or she will go :p

[CosmicPathos]

The Nikkah ceremony could be within $100. Just make some goody bags with your family and done.

Waleemah... $500? That's not realistic, unless you're inviting like 50 people, that's without the room. You'll be having your waleemah in a public setting...

I personally want my Waleemah in a community center or some decent area. Women in one room, men in one room. Have it organized, fun, Halaal, and so forth.

of course then it will cost more than just $500. More fun needs more money.

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

Yea its true...keep it simple yea. All that money people spend in one day, you could give to the couple to get a good start on their life :/ Plus more barakah...and I think that's more important than a lavished wedding..

[SweetCherryPie]

My 1st and 2nd brothers' weddings were huge. Most of the guests were my parents' friends. Lol.

My 3rd brother's wedding, it was done at the National Mosque - akad nikah and after that, buffet style was served to the guests which consist of family, a few relatives and close friends. Over all I think, there were about 50 of us. Both the bride and groom did not want a huge wedding. I think they spent less than 5k.

I told my father, since my mother is no longer here - I want a small wedding. Preferably something like my 3rd brother's wedding. Simple and personal. I'd rather use the money for honeymoon!

I was never the type that planned my wedding at the age of 12! I have friends that did that and just recently, one of them actually had a HUGE garden wedding at a prestige location here in KL. She was very happy! :D

[Beardo]

That's actually a good thought. Having a wedding at a scenic garden or something.

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

^^Like u see in movies? lol

[Tilmeez]

I know it won't be wise telling you that some time back we had a complete section something like "Marriage in Islam".

I wonder your thread will meet the same fate as of that section, which will be fair. :X

[tango92]

fam, i had my life planned out since i was 8. and thats including

where my wife will be from
how many kids i'll have
when i'll get married
what job i would be doing

how times have changed....

[Getoffmyback]

Well...my wedding was huge. But keep in mind It was an Italian and Indian wedding. I had 170 family members and friends (Italian side) my wife had 440 family memebers and friends (Indian side) the wedding lasted 3 days. We had guests come in from Italy and India.....we couldn't just do a 6 hour wedding.

The wedding party had 26 people. 13 brides mades and 13 groomesmen. We had 4 flower girls and 2 ring bearers, 10 ushers.

The actuall wedding took two hours (ceremony) We had an organist, two violinists and some one playing a harp....I know ,the harp was a little weird, i thought it was weird too.:hmm:

The Mehndi, wich took place the night before took 6 hours, the reception....2.5 days....:exhausted My wife changed into 14 diffrerent saris and i changed into 5 different Sherwani's.

We had 7 diferent entertainers, and my wife and I put on a boolywood type show for her family;D

Mehndi=$ 5,880.00

Ceremony= $ 10,290.00

Reception (Includes all clothing, her sari's ect.ect everythng)= $29,112.20

Rings= $ 28,000.00 (in a security box at bank) She wears a smal one for day to day stuff.

Total= $ 73,282.20 ( good thing her dad is a doctor;D)

Being married to the most beautiful and awesome woman in the world.= PRICELESS:D


Honey moon= Havent taken one yet! We are supposed to go to India for 3 weeks, then Italy for 3 weeks.....When, we don't know?imsad

Man your still counting even the cents :) thats not a good sign :d

[heavenlyspot]

:sl:

[QUOTE=Rashad;1291899]

marriage is like an anchor. ... And a child is another anchor.

QUOTE]

That's quite some advice!! Being young and not yet married myself, the best advice I can give you while thinking of marriage is not to let people discourage you in any way.

... I'm not saying that your Mufti gave you poor advice :-) Surely he's correct.

But similarly to the students & teacher in your class - sometimes you're going to come across people who will only speak opposite to what you want to hear.

Marriage is a responsible choice and young Muslim brothers and sisters who choose this over promiscuity, I believe, will have Allah's blessings InshAllah.

:wa:

[Banu_Hashim]

Maan... you just reminded me subhaanAllah... I need to get married!!!

Oh but the trials to getting married! The proper channels? How to go about finding the person? Factors to take into consideration? Pleasing parents? etc. etc.

By the way Rashad I want answers to all of these inshaAllah :P, (Just Kidding).

[aadil77]

The nikah ceremony should not cost much. You basically contact the masjid imam and ask him to arrange for you a time at which he can read the nikah. You invite friends and close family to nikah. It should not cost that much.

Waleema, you invite friends to your favorite restaurant and you can be done under $500 with good food. Buffet plans
.

I don't get how waleema works, isn't it for both sides of the family mainly?

Nikah is just signing of the contract aint it? So its not much of an occasion for the family, you will need a dinner or something for them as well

And how do you know who to invite? You have friends, family, then your well wishers around the community. Should the whole family of each person you invite be allowed to come? I don't know how it would work cause If you know the families of your mates should you invite them?

End result is you would be looking at a couple thousand to not leave anyone out and have it in a decent place with enough space, plus mahr and everything. Its hard to have it any simpler than that without offending others.

[SweetCherryPie]

Is it safe to say that in certain countries, the society (be it parents, relatives, friends et al) expects one to be married by the age of 25 - be it man or woman? Or is that still too young?

I was told that most men in the Middle East are married by the age of 25. Over here, if a 25 year old man said he would like to get married ... he better expect someone to say he's being silly!

For me, as long as the man and woman are able to take care of one another, matured enough and is financially stable then by all means, do get married. The most important thing is NOT to get married for the wrong reasons.

That said, if marriage is on your list ... who cares what others think, you know?

[aadil77]

^Its tough bruv, I'm gonna start with getting some income coming in. You can tell your mum to start looking for you, just specify what you're looking for. You can also ask around the masjid, speak to an imam.

[SweetCherryPie]

That's actually a good thought. Having a wedding at a scenic garden or something.

A garden wedding is nice, really. Just be sure it's not done on a rainy season!

Come to think of it, if I planned to get married with a garden theme - mine would be the colour of white and lilac!

(Oooh I can just picture it now! :D)

[Getoffmyback]

What about this (marriage list) . Its So common here in leb . On the invitation card there will be a note says "if you desire to send a gift please go to this bank ..... "

You'll go to the bank to put money under their names and No one puts less than a 100.

Thats what happened when i attended my cousin's wedding . The cost was 12k . They invited 140 person . Lets say 40 out of them put a gift.So thats 4k . Some people puts 500 some put even more . So in the end the couple will be paying maybe 2k for their wedding . Its a good way.

[SweetCherryPie]

What about this (marriage list) . Its So common here in leb . On the invitation card there will be a note says "if you desire to send a gift please go to this bank ..... "

You'll go to the bank to put money under their names and No one puts less than a 100.

Thats what happened when i attended my cousin's wedding . The cost was 12k . They invited 140 person . Lets say 40 out of them put a gift.So thats 4k . Some people puts 500 some put even more . So in the end the couple will be paying maybe 2k for their wedding . Its a good way.

We don't have that over here. Usually, people just come with gifts such as home appliances and money which they give there and then to the host (usually our parents/siblings).

I haven't told my future husband but I was thinking of putting on our cards that for those who want to bring us gifts, to send money instead to our preferred charity organisation.

My brother and wife collected a lot of sandwich makers, toasters and blenders! Lol. I wouldn't want that to happen!

[Danah]

Weddings here are literally crazy, people are competing on whose wedding is better!! that is a pure craziness!! May Allah save us
My brother's wedding was not super fancy though but it was good. The marriage costs 36,000 $ (including the mahar and the money paid for preparing the groom which is always in thousands).
Keep in mind that the wedding halls for both men and women were offered freely for citizens here.

My father is planning to do yet a better wedding party for my other brother this Summer, so more costs will be coming.

[Getoffmyback]

No one really pays maher or rarely they do it here in leb in big numbers its always something like 1 golden coin or one dates fruit . But they sign the "met2akhar" or the amount of money agreed on in case of divorce its noting less than 20k . And it depends.

i'm talking about the middle class or maybe below.

[Alpha Dude]

If I had my way, it would be very simple and nothing expensive, but being realistic, I think 2-3k is a decent amount. I really don't like the extravagent ones.

On the issue of mahr, I can't believe guys even choose to marry girls who ask for 10s of thousands. Strange.

[YusufNoor]

$500? Nothing more. Excluding the mahr.

:sl:

i actually agree with this. no joking.

we are going to be held responsible for what we do with our money, why waste it? forget the jahillya and the assabiyya. why act like the kufar? i mean $73,000 for a wedding? it's NOT the Islamic way at all!

if you go back and look at the Seerah, you will see that 1 lamb was sufficient for the walima. there was also an occasion where the Prophet, Peace be upon him, just told folks there is a wedding, bring some food!

we should emulate Rasoolullah and not the kuffar. i heard a nice lecture by Mufti Ismail Menk where he was trying to discourage this biddah we have established on weddings. one suggestion was to just have the nikkah and walima at the Masjid. nice and simple. if you have big families and you don't want to invite some but not all, don't invite anyone! just send them notices for the nikkah and ask them to make dua for you. if you want to splurge a bit, have the walima at an orphanage! they should appreciate a good feast!

the party only costs 36,000 $

wtf??? you could have distributed THOUSANDS of Qur'ans, fed some orphans for a year, donated a library for a Masjid or 2 or 3,or paid for some poor children to attend the Madrassah!

let's compete for Akhira and not the dunya!

may Allah guide us all!

On the issue of mahr, I can't believe guys even choose to marry girls who ask for 10s of thousands. Strange.

sisters are allowed to ask for whatever they want. AND we are allowed to make a decision based upon what they say! we are looking for mothers to raise our children, not taking part in some kind of lottery.

:wa:

[Danah]

wtf??? you could have distributed THOUSANDS of Qur'ans, fed some orphans for a year, donated a library for a Masjid or 2 or 3,or paid for some poor children to attend the Madrassah!

I know!! costs are crazily expensive here, what to do brother?
beside we know so many people, and its hard to left any without invitation...so its not that easy.

I saw somewhere in this thread the number $350,000, you didn't comment on that brother Yusef!

[YusufNoor]

I know!! costs are crazily expensive here, what to do brother?

fear Allah and not your fellow countrymen.

beside we know so many people, and its hard to left any without invitation...so its not that easy.

sure it is: just send them notices for the nikkah and ask them to make dua for you! set trends when they involve returning to the Qur'an and the Sunnah. if it displease mankind, so what?

I saw somewhere in this thread the number $350,000, you didn't comment on that brother Yusef!

:sl:

i wasn't singling you out, per se. i was just using the number. i missed the $350,000!! THAT is WORSE than stupid or ignorant, but i bet it pleased Shaytan! [once you start a replay, it wasn't in what was left to view in the thread. but seriuosly someone put $350,000? a third of a million dollars on a wedding? ONE wedding? SubhanAllah!]


authu Billahi mina-shaytan ir rajim,

Iyyaka na'budu wa Iyyaka nesta'een

all else is worshiping shaytan.

:wa:

[Danah]

^Send them a note? I wish this can work! but seriously, societies and cultures are differ from place to another.
Inviting around 500 person! do you think this will cost nothing?

[Banu_Hashim]

That is true brother, maybe I'm afraid of my mother saying.. "what?!... what do you need to get married for!? Finish your degree!!" But inshaAllah when I pass this year (make du'aa) I'll ask her to start to start looking and keeping people in mind, inshaAllah.

BarakAllahu Feek.

[Beardo]

Maan... you just reminded me subhaanAllah... I need to get married!!!

Oh but the trials to getting married! The proper channels? How to go about finding the person? Factors to take into consideration? Pleasing parents? etc. etc.

By the way Rashad I want answers to all of these inshaAllah :P, (Just Kidding).

If you're getting married, than so am I. We're the same age, and what's fair for one is fair for all.

How to find the right person? ...Parents? :X Though, that could be an odd channel though for some. It'll limit your choice one of your uncle's daughters.

Not the case in my scenario, though.

Factors of consideration...

Well, all I have to say to that one is... You're thinking more deeply than I am lol. I just wanted to brush in this subject. Otherwise, I got at least 5 years to go. ;D

[Beardo]

If I had my way, it would be very simple and nothing expensive, but being realistic, I think 2-3k is a decent amount. I really don't like the extravagent ones.

On the issue of mahr, I can't believe guys even choose to marry girls who ask for 10s of thousands. Strange.

$2-$3k sounds much more realistic.

Yeah, seriously, bout the dowry. But what is a decent amount nowadays? :X

[noorseeker]

i need a wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiffffffffffffffffeeeeeeeeeeeeeyy yyyyyyyyy

oh sorry , was i thinking out loud lol

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

Parents make it so hard :( :mmokay:

[Banu_Hashim]

I've been thinking about this lately, and maybe it's distracting me too much! If I see a sister for example or know of someone and I think maybe for whatever reason we might be compatible, how would I pursue that? :/

Should I just leave the whole thing to my parents...?

[Italianguy]

Man your still counting even the cents :) thats not a good sign :d

LOL, it's written down;D I don't count the cents.....i didn't pay for it;D

[Italianguy]

$2-$3k sounds much more realistic.

Yeah, seriously, bout the dowry. But what is a decent amount nowadays? :X

Depends on what the father demands.

[Getoffmyback]

قل للمليحة بالخمار الأسود ماذا فعلت ب ناسك متعبد.

Well thats what i would look for in a woman . A poet once told me to look for almali7a:) he told me that its not the beauty its her energy and he described her as the fire starter or the dynamo:)

[Italianguy]

:sl:

i actually agree with this. no joking.

we are going to be held responsible for what we do with our money, why waste it? forget the jahillya and the assabiyya. why act like the kufar? i mean $73,000 for a wedding? it's NOT the Islamic way at all!

if you go back and look at the Seerah, you will see that 1 lamb was sufficient for the walima. there was also an occasion where the Prophet, Peace be upon him, just told folks there is a wedding, bring some food!

we should emulate Rasoolullah and not the kuffar. i heard a nice lecture by Mufti Ismail Menk where he was trying to discourage this biddah we have established on weddings. one suggestion was to just have the nikkah and walima at the Masjid. nice and simple. if you have big families and you don't want to invite some but not all, don't invite anyone! just send them notices for the nikkah and ask them to make dua for you. if you want to splurge a bit, have the walima at an orphanage! they should appreciate a good feast!




wtf??? you could have distributed THOUSANDS of Qur'ans, fed some orphans for a year, donated a library for a Masjid or 2 or 3,or paid for some poor children to attend the Madrassah!

let's compete for Akhira and not the dunya!

may Allah guide us all!



sisters are allowed to ask for whatever they want. AND we are allowed to make a decision based upon what they say! we are looking for mothers to raise our children, not taking part in some kind of lottery.

:wa:

I am not a Mulsim so why would I have an Islamic wedding? I had a kifir wedding remember;D

You complain and condem any one spending more than you would. What gives YOU the right???

How do you know what we can and can't afford? I am sure that for every dollar that was spent $2 went to a charity! If we and or he (Another kifir !!!) can afford that wedding he can surely afford to donate 5 times that amount to the church.

If one is stupid enough to spend insane amounts of money on a wedding they can't afford or takes away from tithing, than i totally agree with you. But DO NOT condem me because i (we)can afford it!

God be with you.

[Italianguy]

^Send them a note? I wish this can work! but seriously, societies and cultures are differ from place to another.
Inviting around 500 person! do you think this will cost nothing?

I know really! He doesn't get it.

[Italianguy]

What about this (marriage list) . Its So common here in leb . On the invitation card there will be a note says "if you desire to send a gift please go to this bank ..... "

You'll go to the bank to put money under their names and No one puts less than a 100.

Thats what happened when i attended my cousin's wedding . The cost was 12k . They invited 140 person . Lets say 40 out of them put a gift.So thats 4k . Some people puts 500 some put even more . So in the end the couple will be paying maybe 2k for their wedding . Its a good way.

We recieved $34,000.00 in cash and checks as gifts from both sides of the family combined.....plus a couple toasters:hmm:

[SweetCherryPie]

I am not a Mulsim so why would I have an Islamic wedding? I had a kifir wedding remember;D

You complain and condem any one spending more than you would. What gives YOU the right???

How do you know what we can and can't afford? I am sure that for every dollar that was spent $2 went to a charity! If we and or he (Another kifir !!!) can afford that wedding he can surely afford to donate 5 times that amount to the church.

If one is stupid enough to spend insane amounts of money on a wedding they can't afford or takes away from tithing, than i totally agree with you. But DO NOT condem me because i (we)can afford it!

God be with you.

Totally agree with you here. If anyone can afford to have an extravagant wedding, so be it. To each his own.

[Alpha Dude]

$2-$3k sounds much more realistic.

Yeah, seriously, bout the dowry. But what is a decent amount nowadays? :X

I would say £1000 is decent. However, sisters will undoubtedly have a different perspective. :exhausted

Saying that, I do understand that women might need something (financial) to fall back on if the marriage didn't work out and she's worried she'd be left on her own. So to an extent, I do understand the motive behind big amounts. However, around £5000 is more than enough. Any more than that then she's kinda being a gold digger.

What I don't get is how guys who are poor slave their butts off just so they can afford extortionate amounts of mahr (10k upwards) and extravagant weddings of equal if not higher cost.

It's one thing doing it when you're rich (in which case you'd actually be stingy to go cheap), but entirely different when you're not well off to begin with and struggle to come up with the money. Such money could be spent on more worthwile things, like doing the house up or something.

[Italianguy]

I would say £1000 is decent. However, sisters will undoubtedly have a different perspective. :exhausted

Saying that, I do understand that women might need something (financial) to fall back on if the marriage didn't work out and she's worried she'd be left on her own. So to an extent, I do understand the motive behind big amounts. However, around £5000 is more than enough. Any more than that then she's kinda being a gold digger.

What I don't get is how guys who are poor slave their butts off just so they can afford extortionate amounts of mahr (10k upwards) and extravagant weddings of equal if not higher cost.

It's one thing doing it when you're rich (in which case you'd actually be stingy to go cheap), but entirely different when you're not well off to begin with and struggle to come up with the money. Such money could be spent on more worthwile things, like doing the house up or something.

Does the father f the bride pay for the wedding in an Islamic wedding? Mine did, but i am not Muslim. I don't understand why anyone would send there selves to the poor house by spending money they can't afford. I have a friend who charged $38,000.00 on his credit card for his wedding, ....what a moron, he will never pay that off!:heated:

[abrar_]

As salaamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakaatuh,

Hmm it is rightly said ' Make Marriage easy so that Zina becomes difficult' but its the other way round these days...and the major barrier is the communication gap between parents and children and the culture...

I some how managed to tell my parents that i wanna get married ...i started like day by day clothes are becoming shorter and tighter and its very difficult... my mom responded be like Prophet Yusuf(AS) i know we should try our best to be like the Prophets and the pious people... and I respect her advice... but different people have different level of iman... and its kinda difficult these days...

May Allaah (The Perfect) make things easy for us... and bless us with spouses and childrens who are apple of our eyes :) Ameen !

[Danah]

:sl:

i wasn't singling you out, per se. i was just using the number. i missed the $350,000!! THAT is WORSE than stupid or ignorant, but i bet it pleased Shaytan! [once you start a replay, it wasn't in what was left to view in the thread. but seriuosly someone put $350,000? a third of a million dollars on a wedding? ONE wedding? SubhanAllah!]


authu Billahi mina-shaytan ir rajim,

Iyyaka na'budu wa Iyyaka nesta'een

all else is worshiping shaytan.

:wa:

Sorry for the wrong info earlier on. I just doubled check the costs thingy by asking and it was not only for the party but for the mahar and all the bride needs and stuff.
That makes a little bit more sense now I guess.

[Alpha Dude]

oes the father f the bride pay for the wedding in an Islamic wedding? Mine did, but i am not Muslim.

I'm not really sure who has to pay. I think it depends on the culture. :><:

I don't understand why anyone would send there selves to the poor house by spending money they can't afford. I have a friend who charged $38,000.00 on his credit card for his wedding, ....what a moron, he will never pay that off!:heated:

Exactly. It's just a waste. If you're rich and have that kind of money in the first place, then it's understandable but if you're borrowing and begging for the expense, that's just dumb and shortsighted.

[Danah]

but if you're borrowing and begging for the expense, that's just dumb and shortsighted.

I know some people borrow from the bank huge amount of money for extravagant wedding parties and end up living a poor life to pay debts for few years later.

Imagine you have your kids already and you are still paying your debt for your marriage with their mom!!! that is a clear stupidity!

[YusufNoor]

I am not a Mulsim so why would I have an Islamic wedding? I had a kifir wedding remember;D

as usual, you think every post in this forum needs you input. i don't know why.

You complain and condem any one spending more than you would. What gives YOU the right???

i'm pointing out that one should follow the Qur'an and the sunnah. this is what a Muslim should do. as a kaffir, you seem to have no idea what i am talking about. you really do seem to waste your time here.

How do you know what we can and can't afford? I am sure that for every dollar that was spent $2 went to a charity! If we and or he (Another kifir !!!) can afford that wedding he can surely afford to donate 5 times that amount to the church.

If one is stupid enough to spend insane amounts of money on a wedding they can't afford or takes away from tithing, than i totally agree with you. But DO NOT condem me because i (we)can afford it!

God be with you.

Peace be upon those who follow the guidance,

i'm not condemning you, nor the sister. i was using the amounts that you posted to comment on.

as Muslims it is our duty to follow the Qur'an and the Sunnah, not some ignorant kuffars, not some ignorant "culture" nor any other excuse one might have. as you can see in this thread, the simple idea of following the Qur'an and the Sunnah in this thread appears to stupefy some Muslims. they cannot comprehend how they would deal with their family if they did. this needs to be changed.

I know really! He doesn't get it.

it's not my goal to learn to do things not in accordance with the Qur'an and the Sunnah, nor to try to impress people who "pretend" to be "friends" with Muslims.

i am satisfied with taking advice from scholars like the Mufti of Zimbabwe, Ismail Menk, among others. i will follow his advice, when it follows the Qur'an and the Sunnah, and i will recommend to others to do likewise. i would consider that to be a successful way of life.

:wa:

[Ibn Abi Ahmed]

I'm not sure if this is allowed to be posted according to IB rules and regulations, but here's my observations of the topic of marriage in this day and age.

It's definitely a hot topic. Marriage Seminars attract a lot of people. You'll notice on IB alone how thriving those threads regarding marriage are.

Yet, people take it lightly.

I may be a bit young, but that shouldn't mean I shouldn't talk about marriage.

Like my teacher was asking me my plan of my life. So I mentioned a few goals I have in mind, and then I mentioned "And then I also want to get married." That's when my teacher and the students around started laughing. I mean, really, it's something that should be kept in mind. You don't want to be stepping into the wrong path.

At any rate, I also think it's important to get married young. Not too young. You should have a degree or some financial and educational background first. Whether you admit it or not, marriage may pull you down.

My teacher, Mufti Ridwan Ahmed, said that marriage is like an anchor. ... And a child is another anchor.

So yeah. That's all I got to say.

Don't worry Rashad, I got your back on this thread man :shade:

Man bro, you remind me of myself when I start to have the guts to talk about marriage with my friends. :p I too had to justify to myself that I was right in thinking about it :D

But I completely agree with you - you should most definitely keep marriage in mind.

I know it won't be wise telling you that some time back we had a complete section something like "Marriage in Islam".

I wonder your thread will meet the same fate as of that section, which will be fair. :X

You know, I always was for bringing that section back :phew

If you're getting married, than so am I. We're the same age, and what's fair for one is fair for all.

How to find the right person? ...Parents? :X Though, that could be an odd channel though for some. It'll limit your choice one of your uncle's daughters.

Not the case in my scenario, though.

Factors of consideration...

Well, all I have to say to that one is... You're thinking more deeply than I am lol. I just wanted to brush in this subject. Otherwise, I got at least 5 years to go. ;D

WHen I started thinking of marriage, i thought I had some 10 years to go..believe me, as the days pass by the number of years starts to decrease quite rapidly :p

Another thing is to utilize this time to read up on marriage, listen to lectures and prepare yourself for it even if its sometime down the line. It's wise to prepare yourself for it.

Parents make it so hard :( :mmokay:

Tell me about it. :ermm:

I've been thinking about this lately, and maybe it's distracting me too much! If I see a sister for example or know of someone and I think maybe for whatever reason we might be compatible, how would I pursue that? :/

Should I just leave the whole thing to my parents...?

Go through a friend of hers to see whether the girl you're interested in is compatible/interested/etc - basically to get information on her. If you like the info, then you can take another step.

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

Lol ok you guys are bringing back my thoughts on marriage...I basically subjugated this idea coz of my mom :mmokay:

[Re.TiReD]

lol masha'Allah. I really got nuffin to say (:><:) but may Allah (swt) make it easy for all those who are in search of their 'garment', and may Allah (swt) give you the wisdom to know when you're ready :p ameen.

[Asiyah3]

:sl:
Marriage is a huge taboo, unfortunately (Not like I'm planning to get married tomorrow anyway, lol)

[Esther462]

I've been thinking of getting married but there aren't many muslims where I live. I'm also quite young, even though my sister-in-law is 3 months older than me and she's married to my brother. My mother wants me to marry for love not just faith.

[Hayfa]

I know someone who spent less than £10, Alhumduilah

[aadil77]

I know someone who spent less than £10, Alhumduilah

I swear you must be missing some zero's on that figure

Did they invite anyone for dinner? I hope they didnt expect others to bring food

[aadil77]

i need a wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiffffffffffffffffeeeeeeeeeeeeeyy yyyyyyyyy

oh sorry , was i thinking out loud lol

daymm me too bruvverr

its taken over my minddd :shade:

[aadil77]

I've been thinking about this lately, and maybe it's distracting me too much! If I see a sister for example or know of someone and I think maybe for whatever reason we might be compatible, how would I pursue that? :/

Should I just leave the whole thing to my parents...?

Best thing is too forget them, theres too many 'compatibles' around here in leicester whether you see them in town, in the shops or wherever, you just know theres no real way to pursue em lol

Explain it to an imam, someone well connected in the community, they'll sort you out

Also don't worry about what your mum says, I've told my mum in a jokin way nd I keep remindin her to look for me lol. If you make it clear you've got the right intentions, they will understand

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

:sl:
Once my granny reffered to a guy to my sister and she responded something to her. Then she referred to me and I said "He doesn't even pray". Then afterwards my sister came and complained to me what the heck I was doing :X

Oh and one time I was a bit frustrated and said in front of my parents "I can't wait till I get rid of this place". Then my dad said Should I take you to x (=our home country) and give you into marriage. I responded quickly without thinking and meaning it, yes. You can't imagine how my mother fell down to the floor along my grandmother and my father bursting into laugh uncontrollably like for a quarter of an hour.

Then occasionally my granny suddenly burst into laughing and she always reminds me of it. And sis when hearing of it: "You serious? How could you say that? How can you even consider answering something related to marriage?"

To sum up marriage is a huge taboo, unfortunately (Not like I'm planning to get married tomorrow anyway, lol)

lol sis I wont guess but as per Pakistani families, when it usually comes to a girl it's a taboo definitely :/ Like my mom thinks it's shameful if i mention it in front of my dad. Hello0o0 I'm gunna marry sooner or later. Honestly I don't get this cultural mentality :exhausted. My bro speaks up straight out when it's concerning me lol and im like thank Allah you're my brother! In my head of course. He knows I want too...so it's like he's my voice sometimes. lol bless x

Anyway I know how u feel. Out of sarcasm my parents will say something relating to marriage and I give a serious answer. Why? I feel it's my best opportunity to get my point across :/ I'm not a kid anymore ya know...I'm at that age now.

[Asiyah3]

lol sis I wont guess but as per Pakistani families, when it usually comes to a girl it's a taboo definitely :/ Like my mom thinks it's shameful if i mention it in front of my dad. Hello0o0 I'm gunna marry sooner or later. Honestly I don't get this cultural mentality :exhausted. My bro speaks up straight out when it's concerning me lol and im like thank Allah you're my brother! In my head of course. He knows I want too...so it's like he's my voice sometimes. lol bless x

Anyway I know how u feel. Out of sarcasm my parents will say something relating to marriage and I give a serious answer. Why? I feel it's my best opportunity to get my point across :/ I'm not a kid anymore ya know...I'm at that age now.

:sl:Very true sister. At least you can talk to your mom :) I can't really say the same, but I undrestand my mother's position. I haven't completed my studies yet and she has always taught us to appreciate and concentrate on our studies and afterwards consider marriage.

Lol :D My brothers are also undrestandable and praise be to Allah they try to follow the prophet's SAAS teachings :statisfie Love them <3 Al-hamdulilLah who guided them to this rational way of thinking like they really count the guy's religious commitment and character and not pointless stuff as nationality etc.

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

Well my mom says the same, complete your studies. I understand where she comes from as well but like...still lol. It's nothin shameful :S Just cause imma girl. My bro says it and its no biggie lol. They're all like happy shappy, smiling and all. If I say anythin it's like :O omg! lol. Grrrr whatever.

MashaAllah for ur bros...my bros arent practisin : (

[Beardo]

Guys, save me from being beaten by the staff and keep this thread extremely Halaal. I made this thread partially to prove to the staff that a Marriage thread can be kept Halaal and beneficial. Maybe I can convince them to make a FORUM for marriage. :hiding:

Well my mom says the same, complete your studies. I understand where she comes from as well but like...still lol. It's nothin shameful :S Just cause imma girl. My bro says it and its no biggie lol. They're all like happy shappy, smiling and all. If I say anythin it's like :O omg! lol. Grrrr whatever.

MashaAllah for ur bros...my bros arent practisin : (

My teacher says if you can't afford to get married on your own, then don't get married.

Don't worry Rashad, I got your back on this thread man :shade:

WHen I started thinking of marriage, i thought I had some 10 years to go..believe me, as the days pass by the number of years starts to decrease quite rapidly :p
\

I see that amongst my older friends now. My friend recently turned 18, and now all of a sudden he's got obsessed about getting married. Allahu Alam! I just hope I can hold on until I am officially prepared and can handle to take care of my parents and a family, Insha'Allah very, very soon...

[Asiyah3]

^^ Yeah, I totally know what you mean :raging:

[-Elle-]

I was never the type that planned my wedding at the age of 12! I have friends that did that and just recently, one of them actually had a HUGE garden wedding at a prestige location here in KL. She was very happy! :D

I had that idea too, sounds nice, doesn't it? But it would have to be totally secluded (considering hijab and all)..

As for the original topic of the thread, it varies from person to person, as it was shown here. it all depends on what kind of party you are looking to throw.

I couldn't imagine myself getting married and not celebrating this joyous occasion with my friends. It would be more of a party (all women, of course!lol) than a traditional wedding. Shouldn't cost that much. It's more about the laughter, games, love and happiness than it is about food, trays of silver and chandeliers.lol.

Traveling somewhere is a thousand times better than wasting idk how much on a single day, IMO. Plus, if you young and still students, chances are you won't be able to afford an insanely priced wedding.

[Beardo]

I'm contemplating moving the expensive wedding threads onto here..

At any rate, I think it's important to get married but at an age where you are mature and able to support your wife/family, even if not 100%, at least be able to do groceries and all. I know many people move in with their parents nowadays.

[Re.TiReD]

AssalamuAlaykum

I dont get it, whats this Mahr fuss all about? Whats wrong with asking the sunnah amount? Its around £200 which is about $314. If you go into a marriage certain that with Allah (swt) blessings things are going to work out just fine insha'Allah then why would you feel as though you need the Mahr money as a fall back in case things go wrong? Are we forgetting that Allah (swt) will bestow love in abundance upon and between the couple and the husband's pride and happiness will lie in supporting his wife just as hers will lie in taking care of him and his household.

Simplicity is key.

Wassalam.

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

Guys, save me from being beaten by the staff and keep this thread extremely Halaal. I made this thread partially to prove to the staff that a Marriage thread can be kept Halaal and beneficial. Maybe I can convince them to make a FORUM for marriage. :hiding:

What did I say that is haraam?? Or is it just a general note...?

[SweetCherryPie]

I'm confused. What is "mahr"? Maybe it's called something else here (my country). Is it the amount of cash you pay to the bride? Apart from the things you exchange with one another?

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

Yes, it's the dowry sis.

[Grofica]

(exchage rate to dollars is like 1.3 km to the dollar)

We spent 300 km for the Magistar
about 1500 km for food.
900 dollars on my dress
300 dollars on his suite and shoes
50 km on hair and makeup
and the cake was uhmmmm 60 km maybe 80 something like that...

that was it. :-)

but we had it in this nice restraunt over looking a lake... it is my favorite restraunt in the whole world... (literally)

it was all his friends and family because mine cant get passports... but it was beautiful it was everything i could have dreamed of and more. and best of all i have my muž (husband)

[SweetCherryPie]

Yes, it's the dowry sis.

Ah okay. Where I am from, the dowry depends on which state you are in currently (or if I'm not mistaken, which state you were born in).

Another Q - has the other thread on the amount spent on weddings been included in here or deleted? I was looking for that thread ....

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

It's been joined sis :) Both threads.

[SweetCherryPie]

It's been joined sis :) Both threads.

:statisfie Okie dokie!

Now that's sorted ...

Is the culture the same everywhere else when it comes to engagement rings? And then the wedding rings?

Does the groom wear one as well?

For the brothers : how much would you spend on an engagement ring? Ideally, I'm sure any man would prefer to spend less but to make the soon-to-be bride happy or perhaps, the future in-laws as well ... would you spend more than you can afford?

For the sisters : what's your ideal engagement ring would be, in terms of price?

I asked because when I was younger, I thought the more expensive it is, the more the person loves you - take note that I was 9 or 10 then. Back then I was surrounded by people who could afford any amount for anything, even now as well.

My first brother's wife's engagement ring was ridiculously big (for her finger, anyway) and overly priced.

Out of curiosity, I went to a jewellery shop last few months to customise my engagement ring (for the fun of it) and over all, it turned out to be EUR5800. I was shocked and told myself, that is it ... hellz no!

I found out that there's cubic zirconia that is the 'second grade' of diamonds which costs a lot less and well, apparently, to produce it - they do not use child labour. So I was wondering, if there is any sister out there that wouldn't mind going for that instead of real diamond?

I, for one, wouldn't mind at all for I think at the end of the day .. all the material things you have in life, you can't bring them with you into the grave so why spend a lot on them?

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

lol sis :)

I don't even care about a ring lol, honestly speaking. Maybe it's just me.

[Beardo]

(exchage rate to dollars is like 1.3 km to the dollar)

We spent 300 km for the Magistar
about 1500 km for food.
900 dollars on my dress
300 dollars on his suite and shoes
50 km on hair and makeup
and the cake was uhmmmm 60 km maybe 80 something like that...

that was it. :-)

but we had it in this nice restraunt over looking a lake... it is my favorite restraunt in the whole world... (literally)

it was all his friends and family because mine cant get passports... but it was beautiful it was everything i could have dreamed of and more. and best of all i have my muž (husband)

I'd like a restaurant overlooking scenery as well. :ermm: But those are way too expensive here. Or so I think. Plus, it's hard to find places which have separate areas so you could perform purdah, ya know? But wow, masha'Allah. That sounds quite affordable and nice. :thumbsup:

:statisfie Okie dokie!

Now that's sorted ...

Is the culture the same everywhere else when it comes to engagement rings? And then the wedding rings?

Does the groom wear one as well?

For the brothers : how much would you spend on an engagement ring? Ideally, I'm sure any man would prefer to spend less but to make the soon-to-be bride happy or perhaps, the future in-laws as well ... would you spend more than you can afford?

For the sisters : what's your ideal engagement ring would be, in terms of price?

I asked because when I was younger, I thought the more expensive it is, the more the person loves you - take note that I was 9 or 10 then. Back then I was surrounded by people who could afford any amount for anything, even now as well.

My first brother's wife's engagement ring was ridiculously big (for her finger, anyway) and overly priced.

Out of curiosity, I went to a jewellery shop last few months to customise my engagement ring (for the fun of it) and over all, it turned out to be EUR5800. I was shocked and told myself, that is it ... hellz no!

I found out that there's cubic zirconia that is the 'second grade' of diamonds which costs a lot less and well, apparently, to produce it - they do not use child labour. So I was wondering, if there is any sister out there that wouldn't mind going for that instead of real diamond?

I, for one, wouldn't mind at all for I think at the end of the day .. all the material things you have in life, you can't bring them with you into the grave so why spend a lot on them?

I would spend as much as it costs to purchase a golden diamond ring, I guess. lol, I haven't really put much thought into that, to be honest. Actually, I haven't put any thought at all!

I personally don't want a ring. Or maybe just a silver one, because I think it looks cool. No gems or anything on it though. Actually, no, I don't want one at all.

Islamically speaking, there should just be a Nikkah and Waleemah. The engagement stuff isn't necessary. :X


You guys, keep this thread as Islamic and beneficial as you may, because this thread will be my alibi for a Marriage forum. :X

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

^Yea ur right, Islamically there's only a Nikah and Waleemah...hence why I don't care for one...

[Beardo]

I forgot to mention. You know in Indian culture, for example, there's like literally 5 occasions for a wedding. I'm not going to go into detail about each one, but I think it's ridiculous. Nikkah + Waleemah = DONE! All these parties are useless and it's simply overdoing the entire thing. It also ruins the pleasure from the bride and groom's side, especially with all the money being spent. I'm not trying to be a stingy person here lol, I'm just saying what is ethical. The money could be used better elsewhere. We use our money to feed the rich and then tell the poor we don't have any money in our wallets. It shouldn't work like that, ye know?

[SweetCherryPie]

lol sis :)

I don't even care about a ring lol, honestly speaking. Maybe it's just me.

Some women do not care, I don't care of the price now - to be honest, as long as it signifies that I am married - perhaps, it's the culture here. As I mentioned in my previous post - that amount for a ring is WAY TOO MUCH and ridiculous!

[Beardo]

Some women do not care, I don't care of the price now - to be honest, as long as it signifies that I am married - perhaps, it's the culture here. As I mentioned in my previous post - that amount for a ring is WAY TOO MUCH and ridiculous!

Well, at the same time, you don't want something you get when you put a quarter in the machine and then it pops out...

I guess it should be bought graciously, considering it's a once in a life time thing for most people and all.

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

Some women do not care, I don't care of the price now - to be honest, as long as it signifies that I am married - perhaps, it's the culture here. As I mentioned in my previous post - that amount for a ring is WAY TOO MUCH and ridiculous!

It's not just in one place now. It's kinda spread all over lol.

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

I forgot to mention. You know in Indian culture, for example, there's like literally 5 occasions for a wedding. I'm not going to go into detail about each one, but I think it's ridiculous. Nikkah + Waleemah = DONE! All these parties are useless and it's simply overdoing the entire thing. It also ruins the pleasure from the bride and groom's side, especially with all the money being spent. I'm not trying to be a stingy person here lol, I'm just saying what is ethical. The money could be used better elsewhere. We use our money to feed the rich and then tell the poor we don't have any money in our wallets. It shouldn't work like that, ye know?

Yea, not just Indian but Pakistani. Well technically it was one place. There's so many things in it from Hindus...and that bothers me. I saw my cousins wedding movie and u know how they do the money thing over the head...she did it with a CHICKEN...and i was like :O THen when they were goin to their room...she put oil around the corners of the wall n stuff :S

[SweetCherryPie]

I'd like a restaurant overlooking scenery as well. :ermm: But those are way too expensive here. Or so I think. Plus, it's hard to find places which have separate areas so you could perform purdah, ya know? But wow, masha'Allah. That sounds quite affordable and nice. :thumbsup:

I'm sorry to ask this but what is purdah?

I would spend as much as it costs to purchase a golden diamond ring, I guess. lol, I haven't really put much thought into that, to be honest. Actually, I haven't put any thought at all!

I personally don't want a ring. Or maybe just a silver one, because I think it looks cool. No gems or anything on it though. Actually, no, I don't want one at all.

Islamically speaking, there should just be a Nikkah and Waleemah. The engagement stuff isn't necessary. :X


You guys, keep this thread as Islamic and beneficial as you may, because this thread will be my alibi for a Marriage forum. :X

It's usually silver for men as men are not allowed to wear gold. As for me, I would opt for platinum with a nice, small cubic zirconia! Lol.

While I agree with you on that, if anything, it should be done Islamically but for some, to be part of a society that expects something from you and your family, you kinda have to go about doing it a certain way.

That said, I'm happy that my father has agreed to keep it small and personal if ever I get married!

[Asiyah3]

:sl:
I wouldn't even care if I wouldn't have a Waleemah <_< Actually I don't want one at all. It's only one day and besides won't bring me any benefit not in this life nor the Afterlife. I'd rather spent the money on our honeymoon or on a bigger house.

How much would I want to be spent on a wedding ring? I don't know but I love jewelleries and specifically diamonds and more importantly it will be a very precious memory to me. I guess I'd spend as much as it's cost afterall we marry only once in our lives...

[★ηαѕιнα★]

The less the better. Small weddings are the blessed ones I once heard. :)

Salaam

[Insaanah]

:sl:
I wouldn't even care if I wouldn't have a Waleemah <_< Actually I don't want one at all. It's only one day and besides won't bring me any benefit not in this life nor the Afterlife. I'd rather spent the money on our honeymoon or on a bigger house.

How much would I want to be spent on a wedding ring? I don't know but I love jewelleries and specifically diamonds and more importantly it will be a very precious memory to me. I guess I'd spend as much as it's cost afterall we marry only once in our lives...

:sl:

The maojority of scholars consider the walimah as a very stressed upon sunnah. Some consider it obligatory. So therefore it will bring you much reward.

A ring, on the other hand, while it may be nice to have one, does not form part of the Islamic wedding customs, neither does a honeymoon.

:sl:

[Ibn Abi Ahmed]

:sl:
I wouldn't even care if I wouldn't have a Waleemah <_< Actually I don't want one at all. It's only one day and besides won't bring me any benefit not in this life nor the Afterlife. I'd rather spent the money on our honeymoon or on a bigger house.

:w:

Waleemah is from the Sunnah and there is blessing in it because the Prophet (saw) said to ‘Abd al-Rahmaan ibn ‘Awf, after he got married: “Give a wedding feast, even if it is with only one sheep.”

[Asiyah3]

I'd like to add one more question to this thread if nobody minds :)

How much will you spend on a house? Do you plan to rent it or buy one (how much would you spend on these)? What kind of a house do you require? How many rooms, the size etc. ? Please free to tell more...

[Asiyah3]

:sl:
Jazakiallahu khair Muraad and Insane Insaan for the information.
Now I'll surely love to arrange the Waleemah! Insha'lLah :statisfie

Edit: I'd spend around 20 000-50 000 on it, insha'lLah.

[★ηαѕιнα★]

I'd like to add one more question to this thread if nobody minds :)

How much will you spend on a house? Do you plan to rent it or buy one (how much would you spend on these)? What kind of a house do you require? How many rooms, the size etc. ? Please free to tell more...

Whatever he owns will be good. Just when the kids arrive itll be necessary to expand a bit. Just husband and wife dont need a huge house. Come on ladies, you guys forget you will have to clean the whole castle! My back hurts just thinking about it! ;D
And you know the Prohpets wives had just one room each??

[SweetCherryPie]

Whatever he owns will be good. Just when the kids arrive itll be necessary to expand a bit. Just husband and wife dont need a huge house. Come on ladies, you guys forget you will have to clean the whole castle! My back hurts just thinking about it! ;D

LOL. True! Just the thought of cleaning my condo tomorrow morning is giving me a heart attack!

[Beardo]

I'd like to add one more question to this thread if nobody minds :)

How much will you spend on a house? Do you plan to rent it or buy one (how much would you spend on these)? What kind of a house do you require? How many rooms, the size etc. ? Please free to tell more...

Hm. Well, I sort of actually initially want to move in with my parents. :X

I see Brother Muraad lurking on this thread more often now. :p

How many of you would MIND moving in with in-laws? :X

[Beardo]

Whatever he owns will be good. Just when the kids arrive itll be necessary to expand a bit. Just husband and wife dont need a huge house. Come on ladies, you guys forget you will have to clean the whole castle! My back hurts just thinking about it! ;D

My English professor was literally yelling at the guys in the class yesterday. One of our reading assignments was called "I want a wife" by Judy Brady. And basically, she would say how she wants a wife because the wives do all the work, and the husbands just relax.

So my English Professor was yelling at all the guys in the class saying when we get married, we have our fair share of duties as well, and that the wives/women are not our slaves. :X

[★ηαѕιнα★]

Hm. Well, I sort of actually initially want to move in with my parents. :X

I see Brother Muraad lurking on this thread more often now. :p

How many of you would MIND moving in with in-laws? :X

Well actually when u move in with inlaws you dont have privacy. Thats an important issue. Depends on how long u gonna live there also. And just practical thinking: when the kids arrive will the inlaws tell u how to raise your children? Woman like to raise children their way, not mummy in law telling her how to do stuff. I wouldnt even want my own mum to tell me how to raise my kids. When somethings up ill go to her. I know i couldnt do it seriously. I couldnt even live with hubby in my own parents house. Marriage is tough, two lives coming together. Moving in with parents on whatever side adds more stress to it. :hmm:

[Beardo]

Well actually when u move in with inlaws you dont have privacy. Thats an important issue. Depends on how long u gonna live there also. And just practical thinking: when the kids arrive will the inlaws tell u how to raise your children? Woman like to raise children their way, not mummy in law telling her how to do stuff. I wouldnt even want my own mum to tell me how to raise my kids. When somethings up ill go to her. I know i couldnt do it seriously. I couldnt even live with hubby in my own parents house. Marriage is though, two lives coming together. Moving in with parents on whatever side adds more stress to it. :hmm:

How about moving in the initial years? When children arrive, it's time to move out. You definitely don't want to intrude privacy of anyone.

Actually, my friend wants to get married and he asked me if it's a good idea. I'm not sure what to say, which is why I made this thread.

[tw009]

lol sis I wont guess but as per Pakistani families, when it usually comes to a girl it's a taboo definitely :/ Like my mom thinks it's shameful if i mention it in front of my dad. Hello0o0 I'm gunna marry sooner or later. Honestly I don't get this cultural mentality :exhausted. My bro speaks up straight out when it's concerning me lol and im like thank Allah you're my brother! In my head of course. He knows I want too...so it's like he's my voice sometimes. lol bless x

Anyway I know how u feel. Out of sarcasm my parents will say something relating to marriage and I give a serious answer. Why? I feel it's my best opportunity to get my point across :/ I'm not a kid anymore ya know...I'm at that age now.

Lol I agree. I can never mention anything relating to my marriage in front of my dad:hmm: it's just too strange for me. My mom sometimes says stuff in sarcasm too and that's the only time I give a serious answer too just so she knows what I have in mind lolll : )

[Beardo]

^ Yeah, nobody takes it seriously these days. It's just so common for parents to delay marriage to such an extent that when children come along, you're walking with a cane!

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

Lol I agree. I can never mention anything relating to my marriage in front of my dad:hmm: it's just too strange for me. My mom sometimes says stuff in sarcasm too and that's the only time I give a serious answer too just so she knows what I have in mind lolll : )

Yeaaaaaaaa lol thats so true...but I should be able to now u know. Let's just say I'm not 18 anymore :/

[Ibn Abi Ahmed]

I see Brother Muraad lurking on this thread more often now. :p

I've been told I have a marriage-thread spidey sense :omg:

^ Yeah, nobody takes it seriously these days. It's just so common for parents to delay marriage to such an extent that when children come along, you're walking with a cane!

They have their own perspectives for which they can't be blamed. As long as you can show them that you're capable of supporting a family, then I think it should be alright.

Lol I agree. I can never mention anything relating to my marriage in front of my dad:hmm: it's just too strange for me. My mom sometimes says stuff in sarcasm too and that's the only time I give a serious answer too just so she knows what I have in mind lolll : )

Yeah you need to be subtle..but sometimes being frank on what you think is better. Depends on the situation.

[tw009]

^ Yeah, nobody takes it seriously these days. It's just so common for parents to delay marriage to such an extent that when children come along, you're walking with a cane!

haha lol, I don't think parents delay marriages, They actually want us to get married asap. Iv seen people getting their children engaged/married tooo soon

[Banu_Hashim]

I know someone who spent less than £10, Alhumduilah

lol, really!? Subhanallah... I just spent that much today on food :omg:

[Life_Is_Short]

What ! You never attended a wedding . The sheikh costs more than 100 Quid

Never underestimate the value of British currency. Once exchanged, it could finance four weddings.

Now a days, poor girls (back home) don't get married because the other side demands too much. It's an outrage. :hmm: These girls are educated and of a good character but they care about money that comes with her when she gets married.


Alhamdulilah my parents (although financially well off) want to set an example in so called materialised asian culture.

[Beardo]

lol, really!? Subhanallah... I just spent that much today on food :omg:

lol

Iono. Isn't that a bit too little? I don't think 10 pounds can feed the Masjid.... Unless you have extreme Barakah Masha'Allah.

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

Never underestimate the value of British currency. Once exchanged, it could finance four weddings.

Now a days, poor girls (back home) don't get married because the other side demands too much. It's an outrage. :hmm: These girls are educated and of a good character but they care about money that comes with her when she gets married.


Alhamdulilah my parents (although financially well off) want to set an example in so called materialised asian culture.

MashaAllah sis thats good that your parents wish to do that. We need more people like that :D may Allah reward u and ur family, ameen.

[Beardo]

Never underestimate the value of British currency. Once exchanged, it could finance four weddings.

Now a days, poor girls (back home) don't get married because the other side demands too much. It's an outrage. :hmm: These girls are educated and of a good character but they care about money that comes with her when she gets married.


Alhamdulilah my parents (although financially well off) want to set an example in so called materialised asian culture.

Well, that's the thing. That's how society works nowadays, and actually, has been working since a long time. But it's not necessarily the poor lady. It could actually be the poor man as well. It works either direction.

[★ηαѕιнα★]

How about moving in the initial years? When children arrive, it's time to move out. You definitely don't want to intrude privacy of anyone.

Actually, my friend wants to get married and he asked me if it's a good idea. I'm not sure what to say, which is why I made this thread.

Yeah I understand with the crisis and all..But how long is "initial years"? I can only tell you how I think about it. For me as a woman privacy is a big thing. Its not the privacy of the inlaws but your OWN privacy. If i would want to give my husband a hug or so I couldnt cos it would be to embarrasing with parents/in laws there. And especially when being a newlywed intimacy is important to strenghten the bond between husband and wife.
And I wonder how your friends future wife thinks about moving in with inlaws?

Never underestimate the value of British currency. Once exchanged, it could finance four weddings.

Now a days, poor girls (back home) don't get married because the other side demands too much. It's an outrage. :hmm: These girls are educated and of a good character but they care about money that comes with her when she gets married.


Alhamdulilah my parents (although financially well off) want to set an example in so called materialised asian culture.

This is ridiculous seriously. I would want to mention this in my marriage contract as a condition. I only want to marry the guy when he agrees on a small wedding. People forget they cant take money/stuff/juwelry with them in their grave subhanallah!

Is it allowed by the way to mention this as a condition?

Lol I agree. I can never mention anything relating to my marriage in front of my dad:hmm: it's just too strange for me. My mom sometimes says stuff in sarcasm too and that's the only time I give a serious answer too just so she knows what I have in mind lolll : )

Haha same here! I dont like sharing private stuff with dad. Dad isnt fond of me sharing private stuff either. Hes gonna do like he always does when hes embarresed: pretend he didnt hear it and go one with whatever he was doing! :D Same with nephews farting or saying something bad: pretend he did not hear it. Funny sometimes seriously.

[Getoffmyback]

Everybody is worried about how to afford marriage and the after marriage expense . But not the janitor of the building where my shop is. Well this guy have 6 childrens and he earn 400$ a month and they all live in one room. he is the happiest man ever and he is 30 years old. He even wants more childrens:) .

I don't know how he is doing it or how he is managing it .

i noticed that country men or villagers don't have the worries like the city people. But still 6 childrens are too much even for a rich person. ?

[Asiyah3]

Whatever he owns will be good. Just when the kids arrive itll be necessary to expand a bit. Just husband and wife dont need a huge house. Come on ladies, you guys forget you will have to clean the whole castle! My back hurts just thinking about it! ;D
And you know the Prohpets wives had just one room each??

I really wouldn't want to be demanding or anything, but you know I'll be living in that house over forty years (I assume, insha'lLah) so it has to be nice and lovely.

I personally find an empty room in a house important. Perhaps because we've almost always had an empty room in my parents house sometimes as a workroom or a "computer-room".

The cleaning thing won't be a promblem :D I'll love cleaning my own castle insha'lLah besides sister we need some exercise! A small house is equal to a cramped house, perhaps I'm a bit spoiled :hmm:

Also I'll quote this Hadith:
A spacious house is part of the Muslim’s happiness, as it says in the hadeeth narrated by Ahmad (15409) from Naafi’ ibn ‘Abd al-Haarith (may Allaah be pleased with him) who said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Part of a man’s happiness includes a good neighbour, a comfortable mount, and a spacious abode.” Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, no. 3029.

It's part of my happiness sis <3 I could forget the ring thing coz' as you stated "People forget they cant take money/stuff/juwelry with them in their grave subhanallah!". But the house... I'll be living in it daily, insha'lLah

[★ηαѕιнα★]

I really wouldn't want to be demanding or anything, but you know I'll be living in that house over forty years (I assume, insha'lLah) so it has to be nice and lovely.

I personally find an empty room in a house important. Perhaps because we've almost always had an empty room in my parents house sometimes as a workroom or a "computer-room".

The cleaning thing won't be a promblem :D I'll love cleaning my own castle insha'lLah besides sister we need some exercise! A small house is equal to a cramped house, perhaps I'm a bit spoiled :hmm:

Also I'll quote this Hadith:
A spacious house is part of the Muslim’s happiness, as it says in the hadeeth narrated by Ahmad (15409) from Naafi’ ibn ‘Abd al-Haarith (may Allaah be pleased with him) who said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Part of a man’s happiness includes a good neighbour, a comfortable mount, and a spacious abode.” Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, no. 3029.

It's part of my happiness sis <3 I could forget the ring thing coz' as you stated "People forget they cant take money/stuff/juwelry with them in their grave subhanallah!". But the house... I'll be living in it daily, insha'lLah

LOL yeah we need the exercise! Especially when youre very fond of chocolate like me:shade:
But seriously you could live in a small house at first and move to another when you have kids? I would rather choos that than a castle in the beginning. You need people to fill the castle, else it will be useless:p

[imam bukhari]

assalaam o alaykum,

sisters (and mahrams) need to realise that if they put a high mahr (dawry) on themselves (their daughters) then no-one would step fwd to marry them....

so then they would just get older and older and no rich dude can come fwd to marry them..... so a low mahr (dawry) make EVERYTHING so much easier... plus it puts barakah in the marriage.

the prophet (saw) said something like "may Allaah bless the women who is easy with regards to her dawry and her womb"

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

It's mostly the parents who expect such things...not the sister who is to be married :/

[Banu_Hashim]

It's mostly the parents who expect such things...not the sister who is to be married :/

^^ Alhamdulillah! Now all we need to do is............ reason respectfully with our parents...:hmm: hmmm...

[Asiyah3]

LOL yeah we need the exercise! Especially when youre very fond of chocolate like me:shade:
But seriously you could live in a small house at first and move to another when you have kids? I would rather chose that than a castle in the beginning. You need people to fill the castle, else it will be useless:p

:sl:
I wouldn't want an excessively large house like for example my uncle's house is a little too large and that's not good at all :hmm: Like come on he and his wife have only two children and the house has about five bedrooms and seven toilets, that's unnecessary. I'm not asking for five rooms see my wish is reasonable. One room for me and the hubby, one for the future kid and one extra for free-time use :statisfie

Plus, if we live in a warm country then I wouldn't mind a pool :p

I could of course do as you said. Move into a smaller house first, but why do that if we can afford a better house, insha'lLah. Also sis I wouldn't call the house I ask small. It's not big nor small but as spacious at it needs to be. Like around 100-150 square metres.

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

^^ Alhamdulillah! Now all we need to do is............ reason respectfully with our parents...:hmm: hmmm...

Yea...actually I was talking to my mom about it last night. She's like I know you wana get married. She was kinda being sarcastic. I'm like soooooo whattt, come on. You're saying it like it's a bad thing. I've hit my 20s help me out here lol....then we made a deal lol. Alhamdulillah.

It's only recent that I'm even building the guts to talk to her more openly about it. I've been wanting to for some years now....:hmm:

[Asiyah3]

Yea...actually I was talking to my mom about it last night. She's like I know you wana get married. She was kinda being sarcastic. I'm like soooooo whattt, come on. You're saying it like it's a bad thing. I've hit my 20s help me out here lol....then we made a deal lol. Alhamdulillah.

"I know you wanna get married" :giggling:

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

^^Lol yea she knows just because I give off these little hints and vibes...I would understand if I was like 16 or something u know..but I'm not :/

[Asiyah3]

^Yeah I know sister :/
As a member stated... Parents make it so hard...

[aadil77]

My mum asked me yesterday if I wanted to get married, I said yh of course, then she said shutup and get your degree and a job first :hiding:

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

^^Ouch! Shot down :/ When I had that convo wiv my mom she said...finish ur degree quickly. She said if u were done or when ur done I won't take even a day to get ur marriage fixed. I was like wow....

[aadil77]

Why is a degree for girls so important to parents, its not as if you can't study whilst married. If I have any daughters I'd get them married off asap not worry about some degree which will end up being a waste of time (depending on what degree it is) as the husband will be providing.

I've got aunties and cousins doing phd's and the lot, they're in late twenties and still not married (don't even want to). I don't understand what for, they could be raising little mujahids and daughters right now instead of trying to become some proffesional women trying to show everyone their womanpower

[Asiyah3]

:sl:

Why is a degree for girls so important to parents, its not as if you can't study whilst married.

I think many of those parents (including mine) worry if she'll have the ability to focus on family and studies at the same time...

If I have any daughters I'd get them married off asap not worry about some degree which will end up being a waste of time (depending on what degree it is) as the husband will be providing.

What if she'll get divorced later? What if there'll gonna be a moment where their financial circumstances stagger? What if the husband will need some support?

I've got aunties and cousins doing phd's and the lot, they're in late twenties and still not married (don't even want to). I don't understand what for, they could be raising little mujahids and daughters right now instead of trying to become some proffesional women trying to show everyone their womanpower

I agree.

[abrar_]

As salaamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakaatuh,

I would like to give a naseeha which is first and foremost for me than for everyone else....
We all want to get married and all are excited about it... but have we done any preparation for it? like taken some seminar on this topic like there is Fiqh Of Marriage by Yasir Qadhi, Fiqh of Love by Yaser Birjas and others... or have u read any thing about it? What are the rights of spouses on each other etc...there is this 3 series book 1. The Quest for Love and Mercy 2. Closer Than Garment 3. Fragile vessel...
and also

http://www.kalamullah.com/Books/Garm...nd%20Mercy.pdf

so that when the blessed time comes we are prepared for it insha allah :)

[Muslim Woman]

:sl:

my sister showed up two hours late to her own wedding because she was working that day..

that's very unusual . Normally people take leave .

I personally don't like the idea of feeding a bunch of gawkers for what is supposed to be a special day for two..

but these two people have their near dear ones. Why deprive them from sharing ur joy ? Normally we have a good family gathering on the occasion of any wedding. Soemtimes relatives who live outside city come and it's really nice to get a chance to meet them .

I was surprised enough to learn that indian/paki brides have to live with their in laws..

In Islam , it's duty of a son to take care of his old parents. If all live seperately , it's hard for parents to pass thier old days . Anyway , these are off topic.

we must not spend much on wedding as this prevents many young men to get married . Also , I read a hadiht long ago that says something like this: those marriages are mose blessed where less money were spent.

[Banu_Hashim]

My mum asked me yesterday if I wanted to get married, I said yh of course, then she said shutup and get your degree and a job first :hiding:

loool... exactly the response I would most likely get from my mum.

[Asiyah3]

^I've heard my bro also receiving the same response...

[Beardo]

loool... exactly the response I would most likely get from my mum.

Likewise. ;D

But I can't disagree. You can't get married and then rely on someone else to pay the bills, right?

[Banu_Hashim]

Likewise. ;D

But I can't disagree. You can't get married and then rely on someone else to pay the bills, right?

Aww mann... I guess you're right :p

[Beardo]

Aww mann... I guess you're right :p

Let's not get too feisty here.

What's the right age to marry for a man? I'd say it depends on the person, but Allahu Alam.

[Banu_Hashim]

I would say... 22/23 (when I finish my degree inshaAllah:omg:).

[Beardo]

I would say... 22/23 (when I finish my degree inshaAllah:omg:).

The day you graduate is the day of your nikkah? :X

I'm with you on that, though. ;D That's a beautiful age.

When do you start lookin'? :X

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

Why is a degree for girls so important to parents, its not as if you can't study whilst married. If I have any daughters I'd get them married off asap not worry about some degree which will end up being a waste of time (depending on what degree it is) as the husband will be providing.

I've got aunties and cousins doing phd's and the lot, they're in late twenties and still not married (don't even want to). I don't understand what for, they could be raising little mujahids and daughters right now instead of trying to become some proffesional women trying to show everyone their womanpower

Well according to my mom, she thinks Allah forbid if I ever had to take care of my kids or just myself...I'd be able to and have good standing :/ Personally it's scary that she's even thinking like that but she is. She also said though if a guy came along who would let me finish my education after marriage, she'd get married now instead of waiting.

Unfortunately for me, I dont know anyone, nor my parents :/ I've not have anyone give suggestions other than of cousins, who are not practicing...

[Banu_Hashim]

The day you graduate is the day of your nikkah? :X

I'm with you on that, though. ;D That's a beautiful age.

When do you start lookin'? :X

yes, akhi lol. After graduation, I head to my nikah inshaAllah, or at least someone else's nikah... yours perhaps?

[Beardo]

Well according to my mom, she thinks Allah forbid if I ever had to take care of my kids or just myself...I'd be able to and have good standing :/ Personally it's scary that she's even thinking like that but she is. She also said though if a guy came along who would let me finish my education after marriage, she'd get married now instead of waiting.

Unfortunately for me, I dont know anyone, nor my parents :/

I think most people would want someone graduated and completed education. I'd say marriage hampers one's personal life goals. As I quoted my teacher before, marriage is like an anchor. It could be a positive anchor, but it's still an anchor.

[Beardo]

yes, akhi lol. After graduation, I head to my nikah inshaAllah, or at least someone else's nikah... yours perhaps?

Insha'Allah Ta'ala! :X So you'll come to Umreeka? :X

Or... We could improvise and have a dual Nikkah. :hiding:

Has anyone ever been to a dual Nikkah? Is there such thing? That'd be so cool.

You know the best combination of marriage? A Sister and Brother marrying another Sister and Brother.

Actually, one of the staff members on this forum... They're two brothers that married two sisters. (Not Muezzing and aamirsaab lol) but yeah. I thought that was so fascinating Masha'Allah.


------

Post marriage Hadith below :X I need to keep this thread Halaal and beneficial to show the staff. :X

[Ibn Abi Ahmed]

Yea...actually I was talking to my mom about it last night. She's like I know you wana get married. She was kinda being sarcastic. I'm like soooooo whattt, come on. You're saying it like it's a bad thing. I've hit my 20s help me out here lol....then we made a deal lol. Alhamdulillah.

It's only recent that I'm even building the guts to talk to her more openly about it. I've been wanting to for some years now....:hmm:

My mom thinks that I'm standing on a single leg trying to get married. But that's not the point :skeleton: You just got to let them know that you want to get married, do it in a funny manner but be serious when you're doing it and they won't get mad and they'll get the point.

My mum asked me yesterday if I wanted to get married, I said yh of course, then she said shutup and get your degree and a job first :hiding:

Lol..yeah. They do that. That's the thing exactly though, you can use that to your advantage if you play it well. How?

Since you already know that they're going to say that, you 1) Get done with school and get a job, 2) While you're doing #1, you drop hints (obvious or not) that you're interested in someone, mention her name, that you work together on Islamic work etc, 3) When you are working you can bring it up officially and then you can make a pretty good case for yourself! "I did everything you wanted, I'm working and making money, I need to get married" etc

You know what I did, I knew my mom would react like that back when I wanted to just talk about this. So instead of saying that I want to get married etc, I said things like, "how can some guys get married and not be able to support their wives. That's such a wrong thing to do. Its not even Islamically right etc etc" basically told her what she wanted to hear so that later on when the opportunity is right I can mention the person or mention that I'm ready to get married, maybe a bit before getting a job as well, because she already knows that I'm aware of the financial aspect and that Im mature about dealing with it. Do you follow?

loool... exactly the response I would most likely get from my mum.

See above!

[Beardo]

Since you already know that they're going to say that, you 1) Get done with school and get a job, 2) While you're doing #1, you drop hints (obvious or not) that you're interested in someone, mention her name, that you work together on Islamic work etc, 3) When you are working you can bring it up officially and then you can make a pretty good case for yourself! "I did everything you wanted, I'm working and making money, I need to get married" etc

Someone seems to have put much thought into this.

As long as your parents are not one of those who think you should be above 26 to get married, you should be fine Insha'Allah. As Muslims, we are celibates (did I use that word correctly?) and parents need to understand our circumstances.

One thing that surprises me these days... A good percentage of my friends are marrying into their cousins. You'd think that stat would go down nowadays, but I guess not. It's a good thing to marry interfamily if you've got those type of like-minded relatives. Not all of us are necessarily fortunate enough to avail that opportunity.

As I think Alpha Dude once said...Or was it Bro Muraad... I think it was Bro Muraad.... "There's plenty more fish in the sea!"

[Ibn Abi Ahmed]

Let's not get too feisty here.

What's the right age to marry for a man? I'd say it depends on the person, but Allahu Alam.

I'd say 21 and above keeping in mind that he's mature enough to deal with women and to deal with finances. But the problem is that most people that I know of that age are playing video games all night long after eating out! And that puts a stigma on the rest of us who are actually working hard to get married that guys that age cannot be mature etc. imsad

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

Insha'Allah Ta'ala! :X So you'll come to Umreeka? :X

Or... We could improvise and have a dual Nikkah. :hiding:

Has anyone ever been to a dual Nikkah? Is there such thing? That'd be so cool.

I've not been to one but I had cousins marrying like that lol. I thought it was interesting. Both couples on the same day.

My mom thinks that I'm standing on a single leg trying to get married. But that's not the point :skeleton: You just got to let them know that you want to get married, do it in a funny manner but be serious when you're doing it and they won't get mad and they'll get the point.

Lol mashaAllah, we think alike! I do that with my mom. Like really I'm so serious about it but I'll throw it at her in a funny sarcastic way...then the convo gets serious then funny again. Helps lighten the umm situation :exhausted But you also get your point across.

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

I think most people would want someone graduated and completed education. I'd say marriage hampers one's personal life goals. As I quoted my teacher before, marriage is like an anchor. It could be a positive anchor, but it's still an anchor.

Well see this is why now I feel like I have a deadline to complete...:skeleton:

[Ibn Abi Ahmed]

Someone seems to have put much thought into this.

Lol, it's a tried and tested method bro. It works Alhamdullilah.

As long as your parents are not one of those who think you should be above 26 to get married, you should be fine Insha'Allah. As Muslims, we are celibates (did I use that word correctly?) and parents need to understand our circumstances.

I used to think my parents were of the type that wanted me to get married after 25+, and I've made it clear that there is absolutely no way, no chance, no shadow of a chance that I'm waiting till I'm 24 to get married :p They realized that my mind can't be changed there Alhamdullilah :p

One thing that surprises me these days... A good percentage of my friends are marrying into their cousins. You'd think that stat would go down nowadays, but I guess not. It's a good thing to marry interfamily if you've got those type of like-minded relatives. Not all of us are necessarily fortunate enough to avail that opportunity.

I can never ever do cousin marriages.

As I think Alpha Dude once said...Or was it Bro Muraad... I think it was Bro Muraad.... "There's plenty more fish in the sea!"

They say, 6 billion souls in the world, and sometimes all you need is one. :embarrass :skeleton:

[cat eyes]

okay i have to speak out sorry brothers... i think men are leaving it to late to get married really. i personally think a brother should be married off at the age of 19 or 20 when hes nice and young because you have to remember if you leave it to late and your wife wants about 9kids well your not going to leave it til your 28 or 29 to get married are u? by the time your kid is 10 then you will be 40years old ;D

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

Lol sis I think that goes for brothers and sisters alike :D

[Beardo]

I'd say 21 and above keeping in mind that he's mature enough to deal with women and to deal with finances. But the problem is that most people that I know of that age are playing video games all night long after eating out! And that puts a stigma on the rest of us who are actually working hard to get married that guys that age cannot be mature etc. imsad

21 sounds young. Wouldn't you say that'll hamper your education? I honestly know VERY few people that actually continue with their life goals after getting married. It takes extreme commitment from both parties and sides.

Video Games: Has to go after marriage. lol. If you're still playing video games, marriage is not for you.

I've not been to one but I had cousins marrying like that lol. I thought it was interesting. Both couples on the same day.

Lol mashaAllah, we think alike! I do that with my mom. Like really I'm so serious about it but I'll throw it at her in a funny sarcastic way...then the convo gets serious then funny again. Helps lighten the umm situation :exhausted But you also get your point across.

Gotta keep a straight face and a serious tone of voice!

We sound like rebellious teenagers trying to get married on this thread. ;D :p

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

Maybe we're just expressive :hmm: It's a good kind of rebelling..? If such exists lol.

[Ibn Abi Ahmed]

Why is a degree for girls so important to parents, its not as if you can't study whilst married. If I have any daughters I'd get them married off asap not worry about some degree which will end up being a waste of time (depending on what degree it is) as the husband will be providing.

The parents want their daughters to complete their degrees because they see it as a lifeline for her if the marriage should not work out. Meaning that, if they divorce then the girl has her education to fall back on to support herself. And I think it's a very valid concern that has truth to it seeing how high of a divorce rate our communities have. At the same time though, I think it's not smart for them to wait around until past their mid-twenties for the sake of education. That actually turns off guys because they feel that the girl is too educated for them whilst they only have a bachelors and have worked to save up money to get married etc. I think it requires a balance.

[Beardo]

Lol, it's a tried and tested method bro. It works Alhamdullilah.

I used to think my parents were of the type that wanted me to get married after 25+, and I've made it clear that there is absolutely no way, no chance, no shadow of a chance that I'm waiting till I'm 24 to get married :p They realized that my mind can't be changed there Alhamdullilah :p

I can never ever do cousin marriages.

They say, 6 billion souls in the world, and sometimes all you need is one. :embarrass :skeleton:

lol. Well, marriage is a necessity. Especially for us Americans, considering our dietary habits are horrible. We don't walk anywhere. I spent 8 months in Australia, walking to the grocery and back, buying and eating only as much I could carry. I heard that's how it's like in other cities, but definitely not where I live lol.

Yeah, cousin marriages aren't for me. Besides, I want to expand my family tree. :X Expand the borders. Think outside the box. All that good stuff.

Yeah, but cancel our homosexuality, it doesn't leave you with 6 billion. It's easier to find girls than guys in my opinion. Not that I ever looked for guys. I'm just basing it off the ratio of girls and guys in the world. My relationship with Uthman and Alpha Dude was different. And we don'tneed to go into detail of it on the public forum lol.... Jokes aside!

okay i have to speak out sorry brothers... i think men are leaving it to late to get married really. i personally think a brother should be married off at the age of 19 or 20 when hes nice and young because you have to remember if you leave it to late and your wife wants about 9kids well your not going to leave it til your 28 or 29 to get married are u? by the time your kid is 10 then you will be 40years old ;D

19/20? Won't your kids just love you. :p But that's young though. You have to build a strong connection with your spouse and set your life goals straight. The best would be if both the husband and the wife could go to school together at a unison pace, and all. But maybe that's just wishful talk.


-----

But the thing about marrying young... Yours and your spouses ideas sort of become one, innit?

[cat eyes]

Lol sis I think that goes for brothers and sisters alike :D

yeah but thats the problem isen it sis. women are looking for men to marry but theres very few because they don't want to get married in there early twenties.

[Ibn Abi Ahmed]

okay i have to speak out sorry brothers... i think men are leaving it to late to get married really. i personally think a brother should be married off at the age of 19 or 20 when hes nice and young because you have to remember if you leave it to late and your wife wants about 9kids well your not going to leave it til your 28 or 29 to get married are u? by the time your kid is 10 then you will be 40years old ;D

I wish it were that simple for us to get done with education and get a job! Or to meet a family and have a family that would help us support ourselves until we get a job and can support the family. It's too rare.

21 sounds young. Wouldn't you say that'll hamper your education? I honestly know VERY few people that actually continue with their life goals after getting married. It takes extreme commitment from both parties and sides.

Video Games: Has to go after marriage. lol. If you're still playing video games, marriage is not for you.

I meant 22, the regular age that people get done with their bachelors. I know some brothers who are continuing their life goals after getting married because Allaah blessed them with great wives who support them, help them and take part in their life goals as well. If you find the right girl, then life goals don't need to stop. They'll be slowed down a bit, but it won't be the end of them!

[Beardo]

The parents want their daughters to complete their degrees because they see it as a lifeline for her if the marriage should not work out. Meaning that, if they divorce then the girl has her education to fall back on to support herself. And I think it's a very valid concern that has truth to it seeing how high of a divorce rate our communities have. At the same time though, I think it's not smart for them to wait around until past their mid-twenties for the sake of education. That actually turns off guys because they feel that the girl is too educated for them whilst they only have a bachelors and have worked to save up money to get married etc. I think it requires a balance.

That's a reasonable concern in this day and age. The guy/girl ratio holds such a large gap, and a growing one too, that you can't blame'm. It's good for us guys though, innit? :X

You know, even divorce has become such a dirty joke now in our community. Like the other day my friend was joking with me (he's a guy btw...) "I friendship divorce you!" It's just how society shapes itself. Compare America in the 1900s and America now in the 2000s. Such big difference just in marriage.


Marrying young was actually common in the early 1900s. Read the book "Marriage and Family in the Middle Ages". I'm still reading it. Just for fun, not for school. ;D I read it mainly to refute the people who accuse the Prophet for marrying Ayesha Radiallahu Anha.

[Ibn Abi Ahmed]

Lol mashaAllah, we think alike! I do that with my mom. Like really I'm so serious about it but I'll throw it at her in a funny sarcastic way...then the convo gets serious then funny again. Helps lighten the umm situation :exhausted But you also get your point across.

Yeah. But sometimes I think, where do I draw the line..I don't want them to take everything I'm saying in jest!

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

yeah but thats the problem isen it sis. women are looking for men to marry but theres very few because they don't want to get married in there early twenties.

Yea I knowwww, that's true too.

inshaAllah I'll be done...but if I had it my way, I'd be married by now :/

[cat eyes]

19/20? Won't your kids just love you. :p But that's young though. You have to build a strong connection with your spouse and set your life goals straight. The best would be if both the husband and the wife could go to school together at a unison pace, and all. But maybe that's just wishful talk.


-----

But the thing about marrying young... Yours and your spouses ideas sort of become one, innit?

you could get married at that age then start a family at around 22year or 23years old.. islam dose not put an age on getting married or starting a family because as anybody will tell you who has kids its better to have them young then old you can grow with them but you can hardly start a family when your old like i mean some people do have kids when there old but every body wants to enjoy with there kids and not have any health problems you know what i mean. my mum had 5kids she gave birth to me when she was 28years old but she looked extremely young for her age too.

[Beardo]

I wish it were that simple for us to get done with education and get a job! Or to meet a family and have a family that would help us support ourselves until we get a job and can support the family. It's too rare.



I meant 22, the regular age that people get done with their bachelors. I know some brothers who are continuing their life goals after getting married because Allaah blessed them with great wives who support them, help them and take part in their life goals as well. If you find the right girl, then life goals don't need to stop. They'll be slowed down a bit, but it won't be the end of them!

Bachelors isn;t enough in this economy. Masters also needs to be done. Is it wishful thinking to say you adn your wife can do the masters degree together? :X Either online or on campus...

Then there's hopes to go overseas to study Islam and all. What're the chances of finding a willing personality like that? That's why it also could be a good thing to delay your marriage. But that applies to guys... Girls need to get married young. IF they wait too long, it might be too late and it'll be hard to find the perfect match. You don't want anyone to be shortchanged.

yeah but thats the problem isen it sis. women are looking for men to marry but theres very few because they don't want to get married in there early twenties.

I think society these days accept young marriages. I'd say a decade ago, marrying in the early 20s was disgraceful, but people are starting to accept the fact that it's a necessity. So many people in my community, both Muslims and non-Muslims, have gotten married really young. One of my non-Muslims friends got married at 22. He still hasn't got his bachelors yet, but his and and him are studying in different parts of the country. They still somehow find a way to meet up and keep in touch. The commitment, especially for a non-Muslim, I found admirable.

Yea I knowwww, that's true too.

inshaAllah I'll be done...but if I had it my way, I'd be married by now :/

As I said above, the sisters shouldn't wait too long. Once you cross the 25 line, the chances of you finding the perfect match goes down dramatically and you may have to end up shortchanging yourself. Not being pessimistic.

[Beardo]

you could get married at that age then start a family at around 22year or 23years old.. islam dose not put an age on getting married or starting a family because as anybody will tell you who has kids its better to have them young then old you can grow with them but you can hardly start a family when your old like i mean some people do have kids when there old but every body wants to enjoy with there kids and not have any health problems you know what i mean. my mum had 5kids she gave birth to me when she was 28years old but she looked extremely young for her age too.

When you marry at 22/23, then have kids, it drags you down a lot. You really cannot study and have kids/be married all at the same time. You want to acquire knowledge and expand your horizons, you know? You don't want marriage to pull you or your aspirations down. Marriage should only increase your aspirations. Two is better than one, right? :X

That's how we look at it in America anyway... Double everything. :X Especially our food servings.

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

Yeah. But sometimes I think, where do I draw the line..I don't want them to take everything I'm saying in jest!

Yea but the thing with my mom is, she knows I'm not messing about lol...she knows I mean it...:skeleton:

[Beardo]

Yea but the thing with my mom is, she knows I'm not messing about lol...she knows I mean it...:skeleton:

That's good! They have to get the message. Once you know they got the message, they probably won't express it, but the thought remains in the back of their head and they keep their eyes peeled for the special guy.

...Or so I think. You can ask the Marriage Guru Muraad to confirm. :X

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

As I said above, the sisters shouldn't wait too long. Once you cross the 25 line, the chances of you finding the perfect match goes down dramatically and you may have to end up shortchanging yourself. Not being pessimistic.

I'm gunna be there in few yrs :skeleton:

Btw this thread is really flourishing and it's the same people lol...:hiding:

As for not waiting too long, heck I'm ready...someone tell my parents that.

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

That's good! They have to get the message. Once you know they got the message, they probably won't express it, but the thought remains in the back of their head and they keep their eyes peeled for the special guy.

...Or so I think. You can ask the Marriage Guru Muraad to confirm. :X

Marriage Guru ;D

But yea it does stick around in her mind. My mom told me yesterday that at times she talks to my dad about me and like he has no answer :s And it might be cause he doesn't know where to begin. Mind you, they don't know practicing brothers or anything....so it's a fail on me...I feel like I have to look myself and let them know.

[Beardo]

I'm gunna be there in few yrs :skeleton:

Btw this thread is really flourishing and it's the same people lol...:hiding:

As for not waiting too long, heck I'm ready...someone tell my parents that.

Haha. You know, you should contact someone special. Someone influential in your community that could maybe talk to your parents (if it boils down to that).

Yeah, haha. Alhamdulillah. To be honest, I'm addicted to this thread now... D:

[Ibn Abi Ahmed]

Bachelors isn;t enough in this economy. Masters also needs to be done. Is it wishful thinking to say you adn your wife can do the masters degree together? :X Either online or on campus...

Of course not! I know many brothers who married after bachelor's and are doing Masters now with their wives. It's very possible.

Yea but the thing with my mom is, she knows I'm not messing about lol...she knows I mean it...:skeleton:

Same here, and then she get's a bit not soo glad..but hey I can't do anything about that. I got to let them know what I need. :skeleton:

That's good! They have to get the message. Once you know they got the message, they probably won't express it, but the thought remains in the back of their head and they keep their eyes peeled for the special guy.

...Or so I think. You can ask the Marriage Guru Muraad to confirm. :X

Confirmed. :shade: (I hope)

[Beardo]

Marriage Guru ;D

But yea it does stick around in her mind. My mom told me yesterday that at times she talks to my dad about me and like he has no answer :s And it might be cause he doesn't know where to begin. Mind you, they don't know practicing brothers or anything....so it's a fail on me...I feel like I have to look myself and let them know.

One of my friends has a sister whose of marriagable age, and he tells me his parents don't want to get her married because she's the daughter of the house and they're overprotective about it.

Allahu alam. But it has to happen sometime or another, might as well do it now.

Then again, I'm no father nor husband. Neither is bro Muraad lol. We're self-proclaimed Gurus.

You know, Guru in my language actually means cow...

[Beardo]

Of course not! I know many brothers who married after bachelor's and are doing Masters now with their wives. It's very possible.



Same here, and then she get's a bit not soo glad..but hey I can't do anything about that. I got to let them know what I need. :skeleton:



Confirmed. :shade: (I hope)

They're rare cases, bro. I also know many brothers who were studying and thereafter marriage could no longer continue. It's a fine line and a risk. Though, I was talking to a scholar last night who said marriage differs by person and maturity. If you think you got the right balance, assessing without any bias-ness, then go for it. Marrying young is good, he says.

lol, it's vital to be clear and precise before marrying a person in regards to your life goals. Don't try to hide anything and reveal it later on, only to freak her out. "Oh, by the way... I forgot to tell you this before marriage but I want to have 15 kids, I'll be away for a few months ever so often, so you'll have to take care of the kids alone." No, not gonna work like that lol.

So when you getting married? You seem to be very eager. Got anyone in mind? :X

[Ibn Abi Ahmed]

Marriage Guru ;D

But yea it does stick around in her mind. My mom told me yesterday that at times she talks to my dad about me and like he has no answer :s And it might be cause he doesn't know where to begin. Mind you, they don't know practicing brothers or anything....so it's a fail on me...I feel like I have to look myself and let them know.

1) Dad's are different. Especially for daughters, they are more protective. So you need to work on convincing him somehow.

2) That's where you come in. Get involved in Islamic work on campus or the masjid (you won't believe how many people get married to someone they meet on campus) and make friends who can then put the word out that you're looking. I know a lot of people that got married through AlMaghrib so you can look into that as well.

[Beardo]

Here's a question I Want an answer from all those who have or will post on this thread...:

What if your potential spouse reads this thread and your posts? :X

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

One of my friends has a sister whose of marriagable age, and he tells me his parents don't want to get her married because she's the daughter of the house and they're overprotective about it.

Allahu alam. But it has to happen sometime or another, might as well do it now.

Then again, I'm no father nor husband. Neither is bro Muraad lol. We're self-proclaimed Gurus.

You know, Guru in my language actually means cow...

Exactly what I was thinking. I don't know of my fathers thoughts on any of this...but I know my mom wants it to happen soooooner than later.

lol @ cow...that's jokes.

I feel addicted too and thats awful....:nervous:

[Beardo]

1) Dad's are different. Especially for daughters, they are more protective. So you need to work on convincing him somehow.

2) That's where you come in. Get involved in Islamic work on campus or the masjid (you won't believe how many people get married to someone they meet on campus) and make friends who can then put the word out that you're looking. I know a lot of people that got married through AlMaghrib so you can look into that as well.

1. Exactly what I mentioned! Great minds think alike.

2. Make it clear that you mean socialize with the same gender. Then slowly get the word out. You don't want to make a big community announcement, and put a flier on the Masjid bulletin board, like those room for rent signs: [S]Single Woman Looking for Hot Man[/S]

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

Here's a question I Want an answer from all those who have or will post on this thread...:

What if your potential spouse reads this thread and your posts? :X

Lol what? That's if he knows who I am...maybe in the near future if I find out he's on here....

That would make it a joke no? Nothing bad going on here :statisfie

[Beardo]

Exactly what I was thinking. I don't know of my fathers thoughts on any of this...but I know my mom wants it to happen soooooner than later.

lol @ cow...that's jokes.

I feel addicted too and thats awful....:nervous:

I don't have a sister, so I can't say much.

I always have wanted a younger sister though. They do good chores, Masha'Allah. :X

[Ibn Abi Ahmed]

They're rare cases, bro. I also know many brothers who were studying and thereafter marriage could no longer continue. It's a fine line and a risk. Though, I was talking to a scholar last night who said marriage differs by person and maturity. If you think you got the right balance, assessing without any bias-ness, then go for it. Marrying young is good, he says.

lol, it's vital to be clear and precise before marrying a person in regards to your life goals. Don't try to hide anything and reveal it later on, only to freak her out. "Oh, by the way... I forgot to tell you this before marriage but I want to have 15 kids, I'll be away for a few months ever so often, so you'll have to take care of the kids alone." No, not gonna work like that lol.

So when you getting married? You seem to be very eager. Got anyone in mind? :X

Of course that's why when you talk to a potential you put everything on the table and let them know exactly what you are looking for and consider everything they're looking for and then assess it together for compatibility. You get a confirmation from them and vice versa that they agree to what you want and that you agree to what they want.

My marriage? Wallaahu 'alam. Make dua' :D

[Beardo]

Of course that's why when you talk to a potential you put everything on the table and let them know exactly what you are looking for and consider everything they're looking for and then assess it together for compatibility. You get a confirmation from them and vice versa that they agree to what you want and that you agree to what they want.

My marriage? Wallaahu 'alam. Make dua' :D

Well, let me know ahead of time. I actually might come around for it Insha'Allah Ta'ala. :X

I've lost many friends and relatives to marriage. You better not retire from staffing after you get married.

I always said I want my future spouse to be a web geek. Perhaps she could mod on the sisters section. :X

But that's off-topic. :hiding:

[Ibn Abi Ahmed]

Here's a question I Want an answer from all those who have or will post on this thread...:

What if your potential spouse reads this thread and your posts? :X

Not a problem..though I'd feel embarrassed a bit.

1. Exactly what I mentioned! Great minds think alike.

2. Make it clear that you mean socialize with the same gender. Then slowly get the word out. You don't want to make a big community announcement, and put a flier on the Masjid bulletin board, like those room for rent signs: [S]Single Woman Looking for Hot Man[/S]

You won't believe this, but I know of a sign someone put up in a masjid. "Brother looking for marriage. Wanted: Salma Hayek in Hijaab".

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

1) Dad's are different. Especially for daughters, they are more protective. So you need to work on convincing him somehow.

2) That's where you come in. Get involved in Islamic work on campus or the masjid (you won't believe how many people get married to someone they meet on campus) and make friends who can then put the word out that you're looking. I know a lot of people that got married through AlMaghrib so you can look into that as well.

I don't know what he is lol but all I know is we don't talk on this topic :S Maybe once and it was veryy...awkward. And I found out he tattled on me to my mom! Shock of my life lol.

1. Exactly what I mentioned! Great minds think alike.

2. Make it clear that you mean socialize with the same gender. Then slowly get the word out. You don't want to make a big community announcement, and put a flier on the Masjid bulletin board, like those room for rent signs: [S]Single Woman Looking for Hot Man[/S]

I did join my MSA for one semester. This bro that was there is now in my Microbiology class :S I don't wanna sound weird but he got starin probs!

Astaghfirullah @ a sign like that lol. Plus total embarassment...
Anyway I need to make some more effort, not just at my home but outside...inshaAllah.

[Beardo]

Not a problem..though I'd feel embarrassed a bit.



You won't believe this, but I know of a sign someone put up in a masjid. "Brother looking for marriage. Wanted: Salma Hayek in Hijaab".

That's just humiliating.

It's worth the embarassment, but has anyone ever thought about performing the Nikkah in front of the entire gathering? :X It's sort of embarrassing innit?

Typically, when I go to a Nikkah, I laugh like crazy when the groom gives his accceptance. Though, we don't have Nikkahs often here...

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

You won't believe this, but I know of a sign someone put up in a masjid. "Brother looking for marriage. Wanted: Salma Hayek in Hijaab".

You're joking?

[Ibn Abi Ahmed]

You're joking?

I wish I was..but I think the sign was meant purely for humor. :skeleton:

[Banu_Hashim]

Insha'Allah Ta'ala! :X So you'll come to Umreeka? :X

Or... We could improvise and have a dual Nikkah. :hiding:

Has anyone ever been to a dual Nikkah? Is there such thing? That'd be so cool.

You know the best combination of marriage? A Sister and Brother marrying another Sister and Brother.

Actually, one of the staff members on this forum... They're two brothers that married two sisters. (Not Muezzing and aamirsaab lol) but yeah. I thought that was so fascinating Masha'Allah.


------

Post marriage Hadith below :X I need to keep this thread Halaal and beneficial to show the staff. :X

My two cousins did this. Both are sisters and both their husbands are brothers.

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

I wish I was..but I think the sign was meant purely for humor. :skeleton:

Umm well let's hope so. Maybe it was an indirect way of saying, "I'm single and looking."

:skeleton:

[Beardo]

I wish I was..but I think the sign was meant purely for humor. :skeleton:

I hope so. lol

My two cousins did this. Both are sisters and both their husbands are brothers.

My great grandparents did that or something.

[Banu_Hashim]

Umm well let's hope so. Maybe it was an indirect way of saying, "I'm single and looking."

:skeleton:

A slightly creepy way, yeah.

[Beardo]

A slightly creepy way, yeah.

Which is why parents and the community needs to get involved to ensure that the single people in their locality have access to potential spouses. People are going internationally to get married without realizing that their neighbor might just be the one.

Or it could be that they fear hard feelings of rejection etc.

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

^Yea. Too weird of a way...:/

[Beardo]

Narrated Abdullah ibn Abbas:

A virgin came to the Prophet (peace be upon him) and mentioned that her father had married her against her will, so the Prophet (peace be upon him) allowed her to exercise her choice.

{Book 11, Number 2091 : Sunan Abu Dawud}

===========================

Yes, that’s right, there are no forced marriages in Islam. It is the people who force their children to marry someone they do not want, not Islam. Women have a say in their life and if they do not wish to get married, then they must say so.

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

:sl:

JazakAllah Khayr for the reminder at the very very first post...

:D

[aadil77]

:sl:

I think many of those parents (including mine) worry if she'll have the ability to focus on family and studies at the same time...

theres part time courses as well, and they don't necessarily have to have a family of their own during education, can wait till studies are over

What if she'll get divorced later? What if there'll gonna be a moment where their financial circumstances stagger? What if the husband will need some support?

Islamically the father is meant to provide for her, if not her brother, if not her uncle etc etc. You don't need a degree to get a job to help with bills, but again nothin wrong with havin a degree it just shouldn't delay/prevent a woman getting married.

not a big issue really, parents just need a better understanding of priorities

[Banu_Hashim]

Typically, when I go to a Nikkah, I laugh like crazy when the groom gives his accceptance. Though, we don't have Nikkahs often here...

Lol, rashad... Will you laugh like crazy at your own acceptance? ;D If you do plan to , be sure to invite me, ishaAllah! I wanna get that on video :p

[aadil77]

When you marry at 22/23, then have kids, it drags you down a lot. You really cannot study and have kids/be married all at the same time. You want to acquire knowledge and expand your horizons, you know? You don't want marriage to pull you or your aspirations down. Marriage should only increase your aspirations. Two is better than one, right? :X

That's how we look at it in America anyway... Double everything. :X Especially our food servings.

You don't realise that marriage and having children increases rizq especially if you're doing it for the sake of Allah, Allah is the provider - you put your effort in and leave the rest to Allah and InshAllah you'll get all your aspirations and knowledge and be able to expand your horizon or whatever.

I'm at uni, here we have arab couples with kids doing masters and the lot and it don't seem to bother them and theres plenty of couples like them.

[CosmicPathos]

The parents want their daughters to complete their degrees because they see it as a lifeline for her if the marriage should not work out. Meaning that, if they divorce then the girl has her education to fall back on to support herself. And I think it's a very valid concern that has truth to it seeing how high of a divorce rate our communities have. At the same time though, I think it's not smart for them to wait around until past their mid-twenties for the sake of education. That actually turns off guys because they feel that the girl is too educated for them whilst they only have a bachelors and have worked to save up money to get married etc. I think it requires a balance.

Ive heard Sh Al-Awlaki's lecture in which he said that it is a wrong argument to say that godless societies have high divorce rates while Islamic society decreases them. He gives example from the life of Sahabaa and shows that divorce was common and not a taboo. If someone was really not compatible, it was ok to divorce. Its an acted hated by Allah (swt) but it is a permissible act. He gave examples of the wives which Umar (ra) divorced.

If marriage is not working out, its better to divorce than to suffer for the rest of life. Thats what the sahaaba did. And that is the option the dear Prophet pbuh gave to his wives.

Bottom line: We should never use the argument that low divorce rates are a characteristic of a religious society. On the contrary, the best of Muslims including the Sahaaba had high divorce rates too.

[Beardo]

Lol, rashad... Will you laugh like crazy at your own acceptance? ;D If you do plan to , be sure to invite me, ishaAllah! I wanna get that on video :p

That's my only concern. I have a very bad problem where I cannot control my laughter no matter what. I try to think about something sad but it doesn't help.

The other day my brother came to see my Madressah... And he said I laugh too much in class. :hmm: How do you guys control your laughter?!

You don't realise that marriage and having children increases rizq especially if you're doing it for the sake of Allah, Allah is the provider - you put your effort in and leave the rest to Allah and InshAllah you'll get all your aspirations and knowledge and be able to expand your horizon or whatever.

I'm at uni, here we have arab couples with kids doing masters and the lot and it don't seem to bother them and theres plenty of couples like them.

That's true. I guess it's about Yaqeen then, isn't it? Yaqeen and Tawakkul. Reliance on Allah Ta'ala. I didn't think of it like that.

[Ummu Sufyaan]

:sl:

The parents want their daughters to complete their degrees because they see it as a lifeline for her if the marriage should not work out. Meaning that, if they divorce then the girl has her education to fall back on to support herself.

that reason exactly. and also if they guy turns out poor or something. when a sister is married to a jerk who doesn't fear Allah and the only reason she is staying in the marriage is because she wont have a roof over her head for her or her kids (in case of a divorce), a degree and job would be plan b. i know that if i have daughter's that's the reason why i would encourage them to study.

And I think it's a very valid concern that has truth to it seeing how high of a divorce rate our communities have. At the same time though, I think it's not smart for them to wait around until past their mid-twenties for the sake of education. That actually turns off guys because they feel that the girl is too educated for them whilst they only have a bachelors and have worked to save up money to get married etc. I think it requires a balance.

with due respect i dont think the guys ego is her problem to deal with in all honesty. if the guy doesn't like her, he should go find someone else. simple.

[Ibn Abi Ahmed]

Ive heard Sh Al-Awlaki's lecture in which he said that it is a wrong argument to say that godless societies have high divorce rates while Islamic society decreases them. He gives example from the life of Sahabaa and shows that divorce was common and not a taboo. If someone was really not compatible, it was ok to divorce. Its an acted hated by Allah (swt) but it is a permissible act. He gave examples of the wives which Umar (ra) divorced.

If marriage is not working out, its better to divorce than to suffer for the rest of life. Thats what the sahaaba did. And that is the option the dear Prophet pbuh gave to his wives.

Bottom line: We should never use the argument that low divorce rates are a characteristic of a religious society. On the contrary, the best of Muslims including the Sahaaba had high divorce rates too.

I think that's an incorrect comparison because the Companions weren't like the people today who divorce for stupid reasons...if they divorced then it was without a doubt for a proper, legitimate reason. I've heard stories today of men divorcing their wives because they can't cook or because she opened the door when someone rang the doorbell. Divorce has become a joke today.

Secondly, if one says that quoting divorce statistics is wrong, then the issue can be pointed out in other ways because it's still a very real issue. How many Muslim couples complain that their marriages are unhappy? How many Muslim couples complain that they found their spouse doing something bad? How many say that their relationship is cold and there's no more love? What is the #1 problem that local Imaams and marriage counselors say exist in the community? Unhappy marriages and divorce.

Bringing up the Companions and saying that they divorced a lot does nothing to solve the issue that our communities are filled with cases of unhappy marriages. If anything, it might serve the opposite reason and legitimize the people who divorce for dumb reasons. Of course, if a couple is truly not getting along and they've tried to work it out etc, then of course divorce is good. But it shouldn't become the go-to thing.

with due respect i dont think the guys ego is her problem to deal with in all honesty. if the guy doesn't like her, he should go find someone else. simple.

:w:

Guys can easily find another girl - but the problem is that the older a girl gets, the harder it is for her to find a spouse. Most guys want younger wives. It's a two sided issue - the girls shouldn't wait too long either and then complain that they're not married.

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

:sl:

I just want to add again that it's not always that the girl waits for too long. I was 18 when I first thought about marriage and that was a few years ago. I feel like it's gunna get really hard for me if I have to wait any longer....: (

That's all I wana add :D lol.

[Beardo]

^(In response to brother Muraad's post above) In addition, divorces then were mutual and peaceful, which did not affect any relations between the Sahabah. Not to my knowledge, anyway. Please correct me if I am wrong.

These days, a divorce becomes low, dirty, and nasty. Needless to say, the Sahabah were cautious about their tongues. Today, we use our tongue restlessly which makes things even dirtier.

When a couple gets divorced, everyone auntie in the community has to voice her opinion on how she thinks the divorce was made and what led to it. They voice their hypothesis based off the Indian dramas. And sadly, I'm not even kidding.

[Beardo]

:sl:

I just want to add again that it's not always that the girl waits for too long. I was 18 when I first thought about marriage and that was a few years ago. I feel like it's gunna get really hard for me if I have to wait any longer....: (

That's all I wana add :D lol.

Especially for females in this day and age, they should maybe not get married so young, but keep their eyes open for any potential choices. It's vital, because once you cross that age limit... It's hard to find that perfect Romeo.

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

^^Personally I think 21 is decent for a girl. Not too young not too old.

In my case, its hard to lookout for any potentials. I don't go to masjid (cause the guys in my family DON'T). Brothers, parents don't know of people that are practicing. So its like a serious fail for me. I don't even know of any in real life.

And there is no perfect Romeo lol.

[Beardo]

^^Personally I think 21 is decent for a girl. Not too young not too old.

In my case, its hard to lookout for any potentials. I don't go to masjid (cause the guys in my family DON'T). Brothers, parents don't know of people that are practicing. So its like a serious fail for me. I don't even know of any in real life.

And there is no perfect Romeo lol.

Gotta be positive about it! :shade:

Insha'Allah he'll come around soon enough. Maybe he won't throw stones at your window. Maybe your scarf won't get caught on his coat (stupid Indian dramas). But Insha'Allah, he will come around.

Ask your friends to ask their brothers/parents. :X Not all your friends, cuz you don't want rumors spreading around like wildfire, but just your close ones.

[CosmicPathos]

I think that's an incorrect comparison because the Companions weren't like the people today who divorce for stupid reasons...if they divorced then it was without a doubt for a proper, legitimate reason. I've heard stories today of men divorcing their wives because they can't cook or because she opened the door when someone rang the doorbell. Divorce has become a joke today.

Secondly, if one says that quoting divorce statistics is wrong, then the issue can be pointed out in other ways because it's still a very real issue. How many Muslim couples complain that their marriages are unhappy? How many Muslim couples complain that they found their spouse doing something bad? How many say that their relationship is cold and there's no more love? What is the #1 problem that local Imaams and marriage counselors say exist in the community? Unhappy marriages and divorce.

Bringing up the Companions and saying that they divorced a lot does nothing to solve the issue that our communities are filled with cases of unhappy marriages. If anything, it might serve the opposite reason and legitimize the people who divorce for dumb reasons. Of course, if a couple is truly not getting along and they've tried to work it out etc, then of course divorce is good. But it shouldn't become the go-to thing.



:w:

Guys can easily find another girl - but the problem is that the older a girl gets, the harder it is for her to find a spouse. Most guys want younger wives. It's a two sided issue - the girls shouldn't wait too long either and then complain that they're not married.

I do agree with the summary of what you have said. But we first have to define what is considered dumb and what is not. Islamically, a man can divorce his wife if she is not fulfilling his sexual needs despite all sort of counselling. Now this reason might seem "dumb" to some people, especially desi aunties, who have too many taboos in their society and spread rumor and gossip in the society by backbiting, but it is one of the important reasons, among many, for which a man marries a woman. If a man is still tempted to commit zina and look at another woman due to his wife's inability, such marriage is not fruitful and must end. In the same way, talking to a non-mehram might be a non-issue for some males but others might take it quite seriously due to gheerah and if upon constant reminders, the wife does not listen, I think the man should divorce her.

In the same way, we have to define what is happy and what is unhappy marriage? Striving to make one's marriage something from an Indian movie, then of course unhappiness will ensue.

[tw009]

When a couple gets divorced, everyone auntie in the community has to voice her opinion on how she thinks the divorce was made and what led to it. They voice their hypothesis based off the Indian dramas. And sadly, I'm not even kidding.

Agreed. Its very common in the Pakistani community. Almost every aunty has to know the details of the divorce and whatnot!! :mad:

[Ummu Sufyaan]

:sl:

Guys can easily find another girl - but the problem is that the older a girl gets, the harder it is for her to find a spouse. Most guys want younger wives. It's a two sided issue - the girls shouldn't wait too long either and then complain that they're not married.

how easily he can find another girl and how a sister shouldn't complain due to her old age is completely irrelevant here. you mentioned that a guy feels that she is competing with him due to her education and thus gets put off by it and i dont see how its her problem and/or why she should accept it or why she should miss out her education because of his ego or because he feels threatened by it.

quite frankly if she was 19 or 29 not many sisters would appreciate, sallow or "move over" for a guy because he cant handle his ego being deflated due to her being educated.

how he feels, isn't her problem just like a girl wanting to work after marriage and refuses to sit at home, isn't his to deal with, either.

[CosmicPathos]

:sl:

how easily he can find another girl and how a sister shouldn't complain due to her old age is completely irrelevant here. you mentioned that a guy feels that she is competing with him due to her education and thus gets put off by it and i dont see how its her problem and/or why she should accept it or why she should miss out her education because of his ego or because he feels threatened by it.

quite frankly if she was 19 or 29 not many sisters would appreciate, sallow or "move over" for a guy because he cant handle his ego being deflated due to her being educated.

how he feels, isn't her problem just like a girl wanting to work after marriage and refuses to sit at home, isn't his to deal with, either.

If I remember my stuff correctly, a man has the right to tell his wife to sit at home and not do any job, provided he is fulfilling his responsibilities of marriage. At least thats how it works in Islam?

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

Gotta be positive about it! :shade:

Insha'Allah he'll come around soon enough. Maybe he won't throw stones at your window. Maybe your scarf won't get caught on his coat (stupid Indian dramas). But Insha'Allah, he will come around.

Ask your friends to ask their brothers/parents. :X Not all your friends, cuz you don't want rumors spreading around like wildfire, but just your close ones.

InshaAllah he will..and that's what my mom says to me all the time...but you need to make an effort yourself too right? Well according to her she is..Allahu Alam.

See the problem is I don't have friends I'm close with like that other than the sisters here on IB and elsewhere (paltalk!) And majority of the sisters are in the UK not US :/ That is one of the reasons I don't ask my friends, here where I am. I'm not too close to them, since they have that desi mentality a lottt... so I don't want gossip to spread :S

[Ibn Abi Ahmed]

:sl:

how easily he can find another girl and how a sister shouldn't complain due to her old age is completely irrelevant here. you mentioned that a guy feels that she is competing with him due to her education and thus gets put off by it and i dont see how its her problem and/or why she should accept it or why she should miss out her education because of his ego or because he feels threatened by it.

quite frankly if she was 19 or 29 not many sisters would appreciate, sallow or "move over" for a guy because he cant handle his ego being deflated due to her being educated.

how he feels, isn't her problem just like a girl wanting to work after marriage and refuses to sit at home, isn't his to deal with, either.

:w:

Actually, it's completely relevant here. Because education is a factor and the reality is that most guys do feel that way regardless of whether they should or should not and because it takes time. I'm not saying she shouldn't go and get a Masters or PhD, by all means I think she should, I'm just saying I don't think its a good idea that she puts of marriage for the sake getting a Masters or a PhD which she can just as well do after marriage because the longer she puts of marriage no matter what reason it is (education is just one reason of many) the harder it is for her to get married. If she wants to continue her education, she can always look for a guy who will be fine with her going to school after marriage.

[aadil77]

That's true. I guess it's about Yaqeen then, isn't it? Yaqeen and Tawakkul. Reliance on Allah Ta'ala. I didn't think of it like that.

Glad you've thought about it now, we use our yaqeen in Allah throughout life, everything we acheive or hope to acheive is by having that reliance that Allah with provide for us.

Obviously you have to put your effort in first to get something out, you can't completey give up and rely on Allah (well you can, but its better this way).

[Getoffmyback]

oufff the marriage thread is calm , did u all get married .
the marriage thread effect. :D

[Banu_Hashim]

^ Haha, I wish my brother! I like how this thread went to 15 pages in just a few days.

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

^^Lol ya i was thinking we're destroying thread. there was like a post every minute or so. Now it's calmed down.

[Ummu Sufyaan]

:sl:

:w:

Actually, it's completely relevant here. Because education is a factor and the reality is that most guys do feel that way regardless of whether they should or should not and because it takes time. I'm not saying she shouldn't go and get a Masters or PhD, by all means I think she should, I'm just saying I don't think its a good idea that she puts of marriage for the sake getting a Masters or a PhD which she can just as well do after marriage because the longer she puts of marriage no matter what reason it is (education is just one reason of many) the harder it is for her to get married. If she wants to continue her education, she can always look for a guy who will be fine with her going to school after marriage.

are you intentionally twisting the argument around ^o)

[Ibn Abi Ahmed]

:sl:

are you intentionally twisting the argument around ^o)

:w:

I seem to have trouble figuring out what the argument really is. Forgive me! :D

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

Marriage is such a hot topic.

Really.

lol.

[★ηαѕιнα★]

oufff the marriage thread is calm , did u all get married .
the marriage thread effect. :D

I actually finally got the courage to approach a middlewoman about finding me someone. Its deadscary let me tell you that:cry:

[ژاله]

:sl:
does anybody know if theres a hadith that says something like its qadr whom you are going to get married to? like its predestined and dried(i mean it cant be changed)?
i will be grateful if someone can quote this hadith..
jazakumullah.

[Getoffmyback]

:sl:
does anybody know if theres a hadith that says something like its qadr whom you are going to get married to? like its predestined and dried(i mean it cant be changed)?
i will be grateful if someone can quote this hadith..
jazakumullah.

Yes i wanna know too . Nice question.

My brother once told me that god knows our decisions and its up to us to choose . And that qadar is written for birth and death that can't be changed.? But not marriage?

And really if everything in life is written and that it can't be changed then we will be So lazy to do anything ?

[Cabdullahi]

Masha 'Allah this marriage thread is booming

[- IqRa -]

Yes i wanna know too . Nice question.

My brother once told me that god knows our decisions and its up to us to choose . And that qadar is written for birth and death that can't be changed.? But not marriage?

And really if everything in life is written and that it can't be changed then we will be So lazy to do anything ?

:salamext:

Answer to your question can be found here;

Are there any Qur'aan verses or hadiths that show that Allah has written who we will end up getting married to?

Regardless of how many complications come in the way or how we will meet the other half, and other stuff that can affect this very important decision we make in our life?

Please respond

Answer:

Therefore, marriage is obviously predestined and Allah has written that we will get married, have children, and when people choose their spouses they achieve and meet what Allah has willed.

Source



Like all matters, marriage and divorce are among the things that Allaah predestined for man before his creation. A man will not marry anyone except the woman Allaah has predestined for him, nor will their marriage continue if Allaah had decreed their separation.

Source



Marriage is one of the things that Allaah has decreed. The person whom you will marry is known to Allaah: He knows who he is, when he was born, where and when he will die, how he will be towards you, and other details. All of that is known to Allaah and He has written it in al-Lawh al-Mahfooz (the Book of Decrees), and it will inevitably come to pass as Allaah has decreed.

If Allaah has decreed that you will marry one person, but you choose someone else, then no matter how long it takes, you will marry that person. But your marriage to someone else is also decreed, because there is nothing that is not decreed by Allaah. It may be decreed for a woman to marry So and so the son of So and so, and he comes to propose marriage but she refuses him, and marries someone else, then he (the second man) dies or divorces her, then she accepts the first one. All of that is decreed, and it is decreed for her to marry So and so the son of So and so after initially refusing him and after some experience or trials etc.

Source

http://www.islamicboard.com/advice-s...ml#post1221588

[ژاله]

^jazakillah khair sis for the help! :) it pretty much explains it...
but still its mostly interpretations...i was looking for something more concrete like a hadith specifically about marriage and qadr. i understand qadr is something we shouldnt ask too many questions about?,right. :hmm:
thanks for the help though, greatly appreciated!!:thumbs_up

[Banu_Hashim]

Marriage is such a hot topic.

Really.

lol.

That's true. But watch how the subscription of marriage threads falls to zero as people start to get married. It only interests the bachelors! lol.. Then the subscription of how ot deal with post marriage increases...

[S<Chowdhury]

US Muslims Go Cyberspace for Soul Mates(Islam Online)

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

That's true. But watch how the subscription of marriage threads falls to zero as people start to get married. It only interests the bachelors! lol.. Then the subscription of how ot deal with post marriage increases...

Lol well, that's just something you cannot avoid...:skeleton:

[Getoffmyback]

US Muslims Go Cyberspace for Soul Mates(Islam Online)

I checked this site ---.com .

I registered not for the intention of finding a wife .just curiousity .

I tried to message a girl then they directed me to another page asking for my credit card . Eh yulla nterouni jeyeh.

Alt f4.

[S<Chowdhury]

I checked this site ---.com .

I registered not for the intention of finding a wife .just curiousity .

I tried to message a girl then they directed me to another page asking for my credit card . Eh yulla nterouni jeyeh.

Alt f4.

Most things in life aren't free, not surprised they are asking for money, its supply and demand....

[★ηαѕιнα★]

That's true. But watch how the subscription of marriage threads falls to zero as people start to get married. It only interests the bachelors! lol.. Then the subscription of how ot deal with post marriage increases...

Already making up a name for that one hihi;D

I checked this site qiran.com .

I registered not for the intention of finding a wife .just curiousity .

I tried to message a girl then they directed me to another page asking for my credit card . Eh yulla nterouni jeyeh.

Alt f4.

OMG

A brother actually posted this one on a thread I made:
Link Removed
Maybe that one will feed your curiosity :)

[cat eyes]

Especially for females in this day and age, they should maybe not get married so young, but keep their eyes open for any potential choices. It's vital, because once you cross that age limit... It's hard to find that perfect Romeo.

Really whats the age limit for marriage?. :><:

[Ibn Abi Ahmed]

:sl:

I'm not sure about ahadeeth on Qadr and marriage, but when it comes to love, a lot of scholars like Ibn Hazm mention this hadeeth which refers to the event of the Covenant that Allaah took from everyone (see al-'Araaf; 172):

“Souls are troops collected together and those who familiarized with each other (in the heaven from where these come) would have affinity with one another (in the world) and those amongst them who opposed each other (in the Heaven) would also be divergent (in the world)” (Muslim).

[ژاله]

^JazakAllah Khair for sharing...its interesting!

[Ali_008]

Just 5 days since opening this thread and 236 posts!!!! thats nearly 50 per day.

Marriage is such a hot topic.

Really.

lol.

After all the hoopla going around here, I couldn't agree more.

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

^^ loool i know :X

I'm not desperate or anything :skeleton:

[Asiyah3]

:sl:

theres part time courses as well, and they don't necessarily have to have a family of their own during education, can wait till studies are over

Part time courses? In some only. I assume they resemble distance-learning which needs even a bigger amount of concentration and efforts so I wouldn't encourage it (especially considering the time needed for study).

I agree that a degree shouldn't be an obstacle when it involves marriage, but note it also works the other way.

Islamically the father is meant to provide for her, if not her brother, if not her uncle etc etc. You don't need a degree to get a job to help with bills, but again nothin wrong with havin a degree it just shouldn't delay/prevent a woman getting married.

The idea of a father working to provide his 50 year-old daughter doesn't quite fascinate me ...at all.

[★ηαѕιнα★]

:sl:

I'm not sure about ahadeeth on Qadr and marriage, but when it comes to love, a lot of scholars like Ibn Hazm mention this hadeeth which refers to the event of the Covenant that Allaah took from everyone (see al-'Araaf; 172):

“Souls are troops collected together and those who familiarized with each other (in the heaven from where these come) would have affinity with one another (in the world) and those amongst them who opposed each other (in the Heaven) would also be divergent (in the world)” (Muslim).

I heard this goes for people you like or dislike as well and Allah swt knows best. People you make your friends and those who you avoid. Like in that heaven you meet souls who you like and those who you dont like. When you meet them in this world you think the same about them as you did in that heaven they mention above. Interesting seriously :)

And I do think woman should have a degree, self-development you know..this way you can keep up with your husband.
Make him feel less smart muhahaha (evil laugh)

[aadil77]

The idea of a father working to provide his 50 year-old daughter doesn't quite fascinate me ...at all.

Don't fascinate me either - not my rules though, but like I said you don't need a degree to get a job, although it is better. Again not sayin anything wrong with a sister havin a degree, its just that it shouldn't get in the way of marriage

[Asiyah3]

Don't fascinate me either - not my rules though, but like I said you don't need a degree to get a job, although it is better. Again not sayin anything wrong with a sister havin a degree, its just that it shouldn't get in the way of marriage

Ok.

you don't need a degree to get a job

What do you mean?

[Banu_Hashim]

^^ loool i know :X

I'm not desperate or anything :skeleton:

yh!!!! neither are the rest of us!!!!!....:phew

[Beardo]

yh!!!! neither are the rest of us!!!!!....:phew

Speak for yourself. :exhausted:

So today I asked my teacher what's the right age to get married...

...he said 16.

Then he thought about it and realized the law is 18. So he said 18.

Any comments? :X

he's more of a secular liberal scholar btw, which is why his answer sort of surprised me.

[Banu_Hashim]

Speak for yourself. :exhausted:

So today I asked my teacher what's the right age to get married...

...he said 16.

Then he thought about it and realized the law is 18. So he said 18.

looool... law abiding shiekh... sounds like a movie that should be soon coming to a cinema near youuu...:skeleton:

[Abdul Qadir]

how much are you planning to spend on your wedding?;D


Edit by Rashad: Important Note! Excuse my intrusion upon your post, Getoffmyback. Just wanted to make a quick announcement lol. This thread is for anything related to marriage. I will personally strictly moderate this thread to ensure that nothing un-Halaal is being discussed. Keep jokes the minimum and restrict them to the gender appropriate sections. Depending on the results of this thread, we MAY open a MARRIAGE FORUM! *drumroll* ... or shall I say *duff-roll* ?

the dowry ranging from 2k to 5k...the nikah at a local mosque..i think its free? then i will invite my closest relatives to my HOUSE for a SMALL meal...thats the Sunnah...

[Beardo]

looool... law abiding shiekh... sounds like a movie that should be soon coming to a cinema near youuu...:skeleton:

The thing I found interesting was my other teacher has a completely different view. He says you only get married when you can afford it.

[Banu_Hashim]

The thing I found interesting was my other teacher has a completely different view. He says you only get married when you can afford it.

I am more inclined to agree with your latter sheikhs view:exhausted, however much I'd like to take shortcuts and think otherwise.

[Beardo]

I am more inclined to agree with your latter sheikhs view:exhausted, however much I'd like to take shortcuts and think otherwise.

Yeah same. Life is full of decisions, ay?

the dowry ranging from 2k to 5k...the nikah at a local mosque..i think its free? then i will invite my closest relatives to my HOUSE for a SMALL meal...thats the Sunnah...

Hm. Sounds nice and simple. Good luck compromising with your potential wife. :X

[Ummu Sufyaan]

:sl:
im going to look like a dork for dragging this on too much, but anyway....

:w:
I seem to have trouble figuring out what the argument really is. Forgive me! :D

i was having trouble grasping one of your comments:

The parents want their daughters to complete their degrees because they see it as a lifeline for her if the marriage should not work out. Meaning that, if they divorce then the girl has her education to fall back on to support herself. And I think it's a very valid concern that has truth to it seeing how high of a divorce rate our communities have. At the same time though, I think it's not smart for them to wait around until past their mid-twenties for the sake of education. That actually turns off guys because they feel that the girl is too educated for them whilst they only have a bachelors and have worked to save up money to get married etc. I think it requires a balance.

so essentially what you are saying here is that a girl should put off her studies simply because a guy will feel that she is too smart for him? now what i want to know, is why she has to give her education up and have the blame dumped on her (i.e you will get too old and no-one will marry you). if the guy doesn't like it, so what? why should she have to change her priorities around? why cant he?

if the guy was so content within himself about himself, then a potential that he may feel is more intelligent then him, shouldn't be a problem for him.
"i dont like you, so give it up" how does that work :$

men and women will out smart one another in one way or another anyway. men and women are good at alot of things, only in different ways and i dont see why/how her having a degree is to be "isolated."

besides, a degree is only one out of hundreds of aspects of being intelligent. a degree is simply acknowledging and recognizing a persons particular area they may excel in. essentially the person is already intelligent in what they do (hence their ability to pass their units and get their degree), its just as i said, they are getting recognized for it.

and maybe im taking it a little too far, but say a your idea was implemented,
how is that going to make a wife feel if she knows her husband wants her to be "dumb."

[Ibn Abi Ahmed]

:sl:
im going to look like a dork for dragging this on too much, but anyway....

i was having trouble grasping one of your comments:

so essentially what you are saying here is that a girl should put off her studies simply because a guy will feel that she is too smart for him? now what i want to know, is why she has to give her education up and have the blame dumped on her (i.e you will get too old and no-one will marry you). if the guy doesn't like it, so what? why should she have to change her priorities around? why cant he?

if the guy was so content within himself about himself, then a potential that he may feel is more intelligent then him, shouldn't be a problem for him.
"i dont like you, so give it up" how does that work :$

men and women will out smart one another in one way or another anyway. men and women are good at alot of things, only in different ways and i dont see why/how her having a degree is to be "isolated."

besides, a degree is only one out of hundreds of aspects of being intelligent. a degree is simply acknowledging and recognizing a persons particular area they may excel in. essentially the person is already intelligent in what they do (hence their ability to pass their units and get their degree), its just as i said, they are getting recognized for it.

and maybe im taking it a little too far, but say a your idea was implemented,
how is that going to make a wife feel if she knows her husband wants her to be "dumb."

:w:

I have nothing to argue about - I agree guys shouldn't be turned off or become disinterested if the sister is more educated then them- but my point is that in reality it's not like that. A lot of guys feel that if they marry a woman who is more educated than them, they're going to be overpowered by her later - they feel its a threat to their position of qawwama or caretakers. Regardless of whether this way of thinking is correct or not, my point is that this type of thinking does exist and is common and because of that sisters shouldn't complain that they can't get married if they've put it off for that long.