Fosterkids: Would you want one?

[★ηαѕιнα★]

Assalamoe alaikom everyone,

Was thinking about orphans and fosterkids lately. Her in Holland theres a huge lack of muslim fosterparents. Am going to a lecture at the mosque next week so got me thinking about this VERY important topic. I was wondering how you guys thought about this matter. About muslimchildren who (temporarly) dont have a home:

1. Children taken away from childservices and temporarly looking for a home. Untill the parents are able to provide a stable and safe environment.
With children I mean muslimkids who usually end up taken in by kaffier families because of lack of muslim fosterparents.

2. Orphans with no parents looking for a permanent stay.

So my questions for all of you are:
A. Would you consider to take one of the above in?
B. Which one would that be, 1 or 2?
C. How many do you want?
D. Would you have any demands or so? Meaning age, race etc?

I think this is a very important topic for the muslim Ummah really.
When I think of muslimchildren living a kaffierlife I just get all sad and everything. Alhamdoellilah

[Alpha Dude]

:sl:

Legal adoption is prohibited in Islam. You cannot give an orphan child your name.

However, this should in no way dissuade us from earning tremendous reward by taking care of orphan children.

[AhlaamBella]

:sl:

Legal adoption is prohibited in Islam. You cannot give an orphan child your name.

However, this should in no way dissuade us from earning tremendous reward by taking care of orphan children.

Can't you adopt without taking the father's name from the child?

[Alpha Dude]

I'm not sure actually.

You can take a child and look after him via charity, giving him food, a place to stay, clothes, money etc and also fatherly/motherly love. This kind of helping of orphans is stressed and encouraged in Islam.

However, there are a lot of complications when it comes to taking a child into your home and treating him as your own. Such as when the child reaches purberty, he can't freely interact with the other children who are of the opposite gender or the mother and vice versa if the orphan was a girl.

Hey there! Looks like you're enjoying the discussion, but you're not signed up for an account.

When you create an account, you can participate in the discussions and share your thoughts. You also get notifications, here and via email, whenever new posts are made. And you can like posts and make new friends.
Sign Up

[Mysterious Uk]

I have wondered about fostering like, because i know cousins and friends who have. I think I would foster children, I don't really care about age (I know the biggest issue in social care is that the young cute kids are picked over the older ones) and I don't care about race/culture/ethnicity. Only issue that arises is bringing religion into it, should you only foster muslim kids?.. say you foster them and the child is like 13 or something and doesn't want to follow Islam/doesn't believe in Islam.. it could get a bit awkward.

[gladTidings]

Im not sure I like the way foster agencies work here in the UK. I dont know the full in's and out's but one of my friends parents foster, and the agency often relocate the child for no apparent reason. I cant imagine how detrimental it must be for the child to move homes every couple of months.

[OurIslamic]

I wouldn't adopt a child since I don't believe I am responsible enough to do so (at my current age).

[ardianto]

Can't you adopt without taking the father's name from the child?

In Indonesia it's possible. Mostly Indonesian have no family names.

There is a tribe that have family names but majority of people in this tribe are non-Muslims.

[Somaiyah]

Assalamo alaykom,

I could take foster children, but rather if I can't get children myself. I know it's selfish astaghfirollah... But if I had children, and I felt I could take care of a foster child, I could take care of either a permanent or a temporary child. If I can't get children myself I would prefere permanent child, orphan I mean. And I would in the first case (permanent child) prefere as young as possible, while with a temporary child prefere anything I believe. But race wouldn't matter, not amount either (maybe not 10 at the same time though lol).
Kheir inshaAllah.

[yahia12]

sure ´why not. these kids needs love and to be there for them.

[S<Chowdhury]

In Islam, you are encouraged to look after and take care of children who have no parents and to treat them like yours. However, Islam's stance on adoption rests on the necessity of keeping the biological parents of the child always in picture. Keeping the original name of the child, and letting him know who are his real parents are some of the conditions stipulated by the Shari`ah when legalizing fostering. The reasons are; in Islam, children have automatic rights to inheritance, they can not marry their Mahrams (unmarriageable persons) and they can marry from their foster family if no suckling took place. The issue of hijab in the house is also given due regard between the non-related sisters and brothers, etc. All these rules have to be taken into consideration in this case.

"Before Islam, the Arabs practiced adoption, naming the child after the person adopting him or her, as if the adoptive parents and the child were related by blood.

Islam prohibits adoption but allows Muslims to raise children who are not theirs. Muslims can fully raise these children, look after them, and support them, but the children must be named after their real fathers. It is not a sin if a person is mistakenly named after a wrong father

Even if the real father is not known, as with abandoned babies, the child should still not be named after the person raising him or her. In this case the children may be called brethren in Islam (Mawali).

Allah Almighty says: “Allah has not assigned unto any man two hearts within his body, nor has He made your wives who you declare (to be your mothers) your mothers, nor has He made those who you claim (to be your children) your children. This is but a saying of your mouths. But Allah says the truth and He shows the way. Proclaim their real parentage. That will be more equitable in the sight of Allah. And if you know not their fathers, then (they are) your brethren in the faith, and your clients. And there is no sin for you in the mistakes that you make unintentionally, but what your hearts purpose (that will be a sin for you). Allah is Forgiving, Merciful.” (Al-Ahzab: 4-5)

In fact, Islam changed other pre-Islamic traditions related to this issue as well. The foster child cannot inherit from his foster parents, and is not forbidden from marrying what used to be called relatives by the bond of adoption.

Before adoption was prohibited, the Arabs had prohibited man from marrying the divorcee of his adopted son, and Islam makes it forbidden for a man to marry the divorcee of his son. However, in Islam, a man can marry the divorcee of his foster child; this is declared explicitly in the Qur'an. People would have felt uncomfortable in practicing this new permission, if Allah had not selected the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, to demonstrate its acceptability; it’d be a very heavy duty on people, even for the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him.

Zayd Ibn Harithah, may Allah be pleased with him, was adopted by the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, this is before the prohibition of adoption. He used to be called Zayd Ibn Muhammad (son of Muhammad) until adoption was prohibited, when he again re-assumed his real father’s name.

Zayd married Zaynab Bint Jahsh, the cousin of the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him. Later on, he had problems in his relationship with her. Allah Almighty inspired His Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, that she would get divorced and he would marry her, something that was hard for him to face people with. This is reflected in the fact that whenever Zayd complained to the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, that his marriage was going from bad to worse, the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, would tell him to stay with his wife, which is a postponement of what the Prophet learned was going to happen.

The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, would not have tried to postpone such matter had it been explicitly said to him as an order from Allah Almighty or as a revelation from Him. It was only an inspiration. He never hesitated in applying any command from Allah no matter what the issue was.

Zayd eventually divorced Zaynab, and neither one of them knew what Allah Almighty had inspired His Prophet to do. After the waiting period (`Iddah) of Zaynab was over, the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, was told to marry her. He sent Zayd himself to ask for Zaynab’s hand. Zaynab said that she would not take such a step without a clear revelation from Allah Almighty. When she went to the Mosque, the verses that commanded the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, to marry her were revealed, and she married the Prophet.

Allah Almighty says : “And when you said unto him on whom Allah has conferred favor and you have conferred favor: Keep your wife to yourself, and fear Allah. And you did hide in your mind that which Allah was to bring to light, and you did fear people whereas Allah had a better right that you should fear Him. So when Zayd had performed the necessary formality (of divorce) from her, We gave her unto you in marriage, so that (henceforth) there may be no sin for believers in respect of wives of those they raised, when the latter have performed the necessary formality (of release) from them. The commandment of Allah must be fulfilled. There is no reproach for the Prophet in that which Allah makes his due. That was Allah's way with those who passed away of old - and the commandment of Allah is certain destiny. Who delivered the messages of Allah and feared Him, and feared none save Allah. Allah keeps good account. Muhammad is not the father of any man among you, but he is the Messenger and the Seal of the Prophets; and Allah is Aware of all things.” (Al-Ahzab: 37-40)

The unbelievers and the hypocrites used this event to attack the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, and Islam, saying that the Prophet married the divorcee of his son. Even today, this incident is used by the unbelievers to misinform people about Islam and Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him. These people do not realize the importance of the rule introduced by Islam through this incident. For them adoption is acceptable, and so they find these revelations difficult to grasp or accept.

Adoption is widely practiced in many non-Muslim western societies. Babies are taken from their parents and named after those adopting them. The children thus grow up having no idea who their real parents are. In a mobile society like the US for example, an adopted boy may end up marrying his sister from his original parents without knowing that she is his sister. These cases have actually happened.

This harmful consequence is one of the reasons that Islam places such importance on the use of the child's real name. A person's name is important in Islam because many social rules like marriage, inheritance, custody, provision, and punishment, are contingent upon the blood relationship. This is a reason for women to retain their own names after marriage as well.

Adoption in non-Muslim societies is practiced for many reasons. Non-Muslim societies have many illegitimate babies as a result of extramarital affairs. Mothers of these babies do not keep them because they cannot support them and they have no time to raise them. So these young women find no problem in abandoning their children to other parents who have no children, they sometimes abandon them in the streets where people can pick them up. Worse than that, some of these babies are killed, put in trash bags, and then thrown in garbage cans.

In other cases, these children are sold to parents who cannot have children. Another reason for adoption in these non-Muslim societies is that many women do not like or want to get pregnant, for fear of ruining their beauty.

Many of these people claim that adoption is a humane service. They do not realize that Islam preserves the humane part of this practice by allowing people to raise children that are not theirs, while it prevents the negative consequences of adoption which can harm society by calling the child after the adoptive parents.”

[aadil77]

I'm not sure actually.

You can take a child and look after him via charity, giving him food, a place to stay, clothes, money etc and also fatherly/motherly love. This kind of helping of orphans is stressed and encouraged in Islam.

However, there are a lot of complications when it comes to taking a child into your home and treating him as your own. Such as when the child reaches purberty, he can't freely interact with the other children who are of the opposite gender or the mother and vice versa if the orphan was a girl.

Yeah thats true, I gues they'd have to move out at that age

[Ummu Sufyaan]

Edit.........

[جوري]

if this foster child is breastfed as an infant though it would make him/her a sibling to the others is that not so?

:w:

[Danah]

if this foster child is breastfed as an infant though it would make him/her a sibling to the others is that not so?

:w:

Yeah it will, so s/he will be as if s/he a real sibling with them and there will be no problems in interacting with the siblings of oposite gender

[★ηαѕιнα★]

Yeah thats true, I gues they'd have to move out at that age

Moving out aint an option I guess when the child is an orphan.
This is hard alhamdoellilah. You have to find a partner that has the same opinion about adopting. And when I decide to adopt a little boy and give him loads of love (hugging and a kiss now and then) you will have to keep your distance when hes at the age of 12 or so and explain why. Thats hard to understand for a young kid. Let alone for the possible psychological luggage the kid may have. Needs some attention as well. And the changing family structure. Like would you have a fosterkid at first or have own children first? Eitherway the child can feel very unwanted at times. Then you will have to talk it out of him/her.
Easy way out is to get a baby but those are very rare. And like someone mentioned people take out the babys and leave the older kids to their faith.
That aint fair really.

But should this all be a reason to not do it and let those kids grow up within kaffier families?
Can be a challenge really to make it work despite of the stuff mentioned above.

[Woodrow]

I'm not sure actually.

You can take a child and look after him via charity, giving him food, a place to stay, clothes, money etc and also fatherly/motherly love. This kind of helping of orphans is stressed and encouraged in Islam.

However, there are a lot of complications when it comes to taking a child into your home and treating him as your own. Such as when the child reaches purberty, he can't freely interact with the other children who are of the opposite gender or the mother and vice versa if the orphan was a girl.

That is essentially what raising a foster child is. It is not adoption. The goal is to preserve the child's family ties and to only care for the child until a blood relative is able too.

[cat eyes]

my knowledge is weak on this topic so a person cant adopt any orphan baby? because these days you have to go through an adoption process so you can become the babies parent, u cannot simply take care of a child through charity..sometimes that money dose not get to that place imsad

[Somaiyah]

my knowledge is weak on this topic so a person cant adopt any orphan baby? because these days you have to go through an adoption process so you can become the babies parent, u cannot simply take care of a child through charity..sometimes that money dose not get to that place imsad

You're not allowed to adopt a child and call yourself the real mother or father of it, change its name or surname. What's important for you is to make sure the baby knows you're not the real parents and that the child has its own family somewhere. This is for fooling the child is not right, but also the family is so important that you can't just say you're the parent and this child's real family is suddenly so unimportant and doesn't even exist. It's not the right way to go. But in other ways, which is almost like adoption, it is okej to have foster child. You can have a child like your own child forever in your household, and you're supposed to give the child the same rights as your real children (if you have any) and treat the child with the same goodness. It's your duty if you take care of someone else's child. But adopting while saying it's your own child and changing name is not right.

The Quran 33:4-5
Allah has not made for a man two hearts in his interior. And He has not made your wives whom you declare unlawful your mothers. And he has not made your adopted sons your [true] sons. That is [merely] your saying by your mouths, but Allah says the truth, and He guides to the [right] way. Call them by [the names of] their fathers; it is more just in the sight of Allah . But if you do not know their fathers - then they are [still] your brothers in religion and those entrusted to you. And there is no blame upon you for that in which you have erred but [only for] what your hearts intended. And ever is Allah Forgiving and Merciful.


Asma' bint 'Ubayd said:
"I said to Ibn Sirin, 'I have an orphan in my care.' He said, 'Treat him as you would treat your own child. Beat him as you would beat your own child.'"

Abu Hurayra reported that the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said:
"'The best house among the Muslims is the house in which orphans are well treated. The worst house among the Muslims is the house in which orphans are ill treated. I and the guardian of the orphan will be in the Garden like that;' indicating his two fingers."

[cat eyes]

You're not allowed to adopt a child and call yourself the real mother or father of it, change its name or surname. What's important for you is to make sure the baby knows you're not the real parents and that the child has its own family somewhere. This is for fooling the child is not right, but also the family is so important that you can't just say you're the parent and this child's real family is suddenly so unimportant and doesn't even exist. It's not the right way to go. But in other ways, which is almost like adoption, it is okej to have foster child. You can have a child like your own child forever in your household, and you're supposed to give the child the same rights as your real children (if you have any) and treat the child with the same goodness. It's your duty if you take care of someone else's child. But adopting while saying it's your own child and changing name is not right.

The Quran 33:4-5
Allah has not made for a man two hearts in his interior. And He has not made your wives whom you declare unlawful your mothers. And he has not made your adopted sons your [true] sons. That is [merely] your saying by your mouths, but Allah says the truth, and He guides to the [right] way. Call them by [the names of] their fathers; it is more just in the sight of Allah . But if you do not know their fathers - then they are [still] your brothers in religion and those entrusted to you. And there is no blame upon you for that in which you have erred but [only for] what your hearts intended. And ever is Allah Forgiving and Merciful.


Asma' bint 'Ubayd said:
"I said to Ibn Sirin, 'I have an orphan in my care.' He said, 'Treat him as you would treat your own child. Beat him as you would beat your own child.'"

Abu Hurayra reported that the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said:
"'The best house among the Muslims is the house in which orphans are well treated. The worst house among the Muslims is the house in which orphans are ill treated. I and the guardian of the orphan will be in the Garden like that;' indicating his two fingers."

jazaKallah kharian sister thank you for that :)

[S_87]

if this foster child is breastfed as an infant though it would make him/her a sibling to the others is that not so?

:w:

yes this looks like a good way to do it so that the child can always be welcome at home as they grow up

yes i would love to later in life inshaAllah