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Aisha_
06-16-2010, 11:52 PM
Salam,

i have a problem and i feel guilty about it all the time.
i have a boyfriend. i know its wrong, i wear hijab, and i pray 5 times a day, and i try my best to be good, but this is the only thing thats letting me down. i really really wish it was easy to break up with him, but its not. ive tried like 3 times now, but we just end up contacting each other again. if i dont talk to him i miss him and i feel weird. i know it sounds pathetic but its true.
ive not told anyone about him, not even my friends :nervous:
sometimes i feel so bad about it, and so scared i wish i could just end it with him altogether.
he wants to get married, but im way too young yet, my parents would never let me, im defo not ready, and im still in school!!
idk what to do, any advice ? :(
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-Elle-
06-18-2010, 01:14 AM
:sl:

Firstly, a lot of great advice mashAllah has been given to similar situations, sorry I've searched and I can't seem to find it, inshAllah some other user can refer to them..

Alright, as for your problem at hand, here's my advice to you. First of all, try to figure out why you constantly feel the need to to see him. You know, it's just shaytan playing tricks in your head. You don't "have" to see him, you won't die or fall into a depression if you don't, and really, there's no support or "good" he can give you that you family and friends can't. Trust me on that one.

Secondly, this is all a question of priorities. You say you wear hijab and pray 5 times a day, MashAllah, bravo. Why do you do those things? To obey Allah (SWT), correct? Why do you obey Allah(SWT)? Because you believe in Islam, in our prophet (SAW), in the fact that you will one day be accoutable for your actions.

That day will come.


So if these islamic actions are priorities in your life, then unislamic ones should be the furthest thing from your mind. Don't do anything do displease Allah(SWT), don't seek "that good feeling" with anyone else than with Allah(SWT). Sis, you don't want to stand on that day of Judgement and regret these kinds of actions (having a boyfriend); you want to stand proud inshAllah, and continuing on in this situation will bring you nothing but regrets...Be strong, learn about Islam more, do not fall in these common traps. Sure this is all easier said than done, but you will strengthen your Iman this way, inshAllah.

Put Allah(SWT) and your religion above all, above anyone, above anything. Remember the purpose of this life, and inshAllah this will help you be stronger in leaving this guy.

Finally, talk to your parents. Talk to your mom. Let her know how you feel, I think that's so important;and it can really, really help you. If you admit you're too young to get married, then hun, you're too young for "relationships" altogether. The only kind of relationship you want, the only true, worthy one is marriage. It's beautiful and honest, and it can wait, hehe:)

Best of luck dear
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piXie
06-20-2010, 09:03 PM
Originally Posted by Aisha_
idk what to do, any advice ? :(
:wasalamex

Dear sister,

In life, there are two ways. The first way is the way of Allaah, and it leads us to Jannah (Paradise). The second way is the way of shaytaan, and it leads us to Jahannum (Hell-Fire). Know sister, that if today Allaah has given us life, is there any knowing when He might take it away? If today Allaah has hidden our sins, is there any knowing when He might expose them? Know that if Allaah forgives, is there any knowing when He might punish? By Allaah, there is no knowing when He might take our life. There is no knowing when He might expose our sins. There is no knowing, when He might punish us.

Therefore let us fear Allaah and turn to Him.

May Allaah protect us, and Protection comes by keeping within His limitations. May Allaah forgive us, and forgiveness comes by sincerely repenting to Him.

When the Prophet :arabic5: went on the night Journey, he saw men and women who were in a pit of fire screaming. Every time they reached the top, they would fall back in. And he asked Jibreel (a.s) who these people were, and Jibreel (a.s) told him they were those who had haram relationships in this life.

To have a boyfriend is a very serious and major sin, and it has serious and far reaching major consequences, in this life and in the next.

Please let me ask you, who is more dear to you, Allaah and His Messenger :arabic5: or this Boy?

If you cannot leave the brother, then marry him. If you cannot marry him, then leave him. And if you cannot do neither, then we are very concerned and worried for you. Make du'aa to Allaah to help you.

I pray that Allaah guides you and gives you the strength to make the correct decision and keep you firm upon it. Aameen.
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Ummu Sufyaan
06-21-2010, 08:56 AM
there's no other way to say this, but you just have to do what you have to do. there is no use giving advice if you don't take it uopn yourself to implement it. my point? is that you have to make your resolve strong to discontinue this.
don't make excuses for yourself that you "just like him" or "you're just friends" tell him straight up and direct that you cant be with him anymore and make that clear and final so that he knows that you aren't kidding and he will feel hesitant to approach you. as long as you tell him you are a no-go zone and as long as he knows you are a no go zone, then he wont approach you.

there's no other way to it, other than to keep soldiering on. you keep this relationship up and we all know what you risk falling into.
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Hamza Asadullah
06-27-2010, 06:53 PM
Originally Posted by Aisha_
Salam,

i have a problem and i feel guilty about it all the time.
i have a boyfriend. i know its wrong, i wear hijab, and i pray 5 times a day, and i try my best to be good, but this is the only thing thats letting me down. i really really wish it was easy to break up with him, but its not. ive tried like 3 times now, but we just end up contacting each other again. if i dont talk to him i miss him and i feel weird. i know it sounds pathetic but its true.
ive not told anyone about him, not even my friends :nervous:
sometimes i feel so bad about it, and so scared i wish i could just end it with him altogether.
he wants to get married, but im way too young yet, my parents would never let me, im defo not ready, and im still in school!!
idk what to do, any advice ? :(
Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb my sister jazakallah khayran for getting the courage to share your issue with us. It shows you do have some fear for your imaan. Firstly my sister you should realsie that any relationship outside of marriage is totally forbidden. It is said in hadith to the hearest meaning that it is better for a person to smash an axe in his head than to touch the skin of a non mahram women. Can you imagine how severe it is for a person to be involved in a relationship outside of marriage?

My sister you say that you pray 5 times a day, then it shows that you are aware of Allah but are you not aware of Allah whenever you talk to or meet with this boy?

You wear hijaab which shows that you are wanting to cover your beauty for the pleasure of Allah but yet you are indulging in haraam relations with a boy then what impression are you giving to others about hijaab? What purpose is hijaab when you are devoting yourself to a haraam relationship with a boy? My sister this should cause you utter shame that you pray and wear hijaab yet you keep a boyfriend.

One of the big dangers of having relationships before marriage is the risk of doing shameful acts with one another. Can you imagine how you will feel when you are ready to marry and your husband enquires about your past? Your first relationship and intimacy is with your husband and not anyone else. Hijaab is a protection and you should stop abusing it. You should repent sincerely to Allah because what if you were to pass away whilst having a relationship with this boy? What would happen to you? What excuse do you have infront of Allah?

Imagine how hurt and ashamed your parents would feel if they found out that their beolved daughter who they think the world of is having a relationship with a boy. They would be devastated and you would lose their trust forever. They would never look at you in the same way again. Do you really want to cause the anger and wrath of Allah as well as rip apart your parents? Is this boy worth all of that? You should cut off connections with him immediatley and NEVER look back. You should instill in your heart the fear of Allah because death is around the corner and you can die at ANY second then what will you say of your actions?

So my sister cut off relations immediatley and repent to Allah. Make the best of your youth because you only have one youth and the best worship of Allah is in ones youth so do not waste it by following your desires. Concentrate on learniong about Islam and getting closer to Allah. You will only hurt yourself by involving yourself with boys. Do not learn the hard way for this is your opportunity.

Feel ashamed in front of Allah for what you are doing and be strong to cut off relations with this boy who does not truly care for you even if he says he does. When you are ready for marriage then go about it the right way and you will find true happiness and blessings in your marriage but if you do it the wrong way then you will only be hurt and distressed and that will happen from your own actions.

Please listen these very beneficial talks:



Angel of Death!!! - Sheikh Ahmed Ali

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tUzRJXlB2uA

Imam Anwar al-Awlaki - Death (The Destroyer of Pleasures) [part 1/4]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ieX7ZQtHl0s

Imam Anwar al-Awlaki - Death (The Destroyer of Pleasures) [part 2/4]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KK_2sVGMW08

Imam Anwar al-Awlaki - Death (The Destroyer of Pleasures) [part 3/4]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bpmzA2hk1Bo

Imam Anwar al-Awlaki - Death (The Destroyer of Pleasures) [part 4/4]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=km39GfL62TQ

Imam Anwar al-Awlaki - The Journey of the Soul

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wAwHEXE3-n0


HARD HITTING Lecture on HELLFIRE & the Day of JUDGEMENT! يوم القيامة والجحيم

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0O6L_fBk7VM

Sheikh Ahmad Ali - Hellfire Talk Part 1/3

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DWTehIeCOUU

Sheikh Ahmad Ali - Hellfire Talk Part 2/3

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yXTtk7rWx_U

Sheikh Ahmad Ali - Hellfire Talk Part 3/3

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wmiD86w9fBc


Islam - Punishment of the Grave by Sheikh Riyadh ul Haq

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UWb-hYIm2WE

Death and the Grave by Murtaza Khan

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7r2nzJVecqo

How can we not appreciate what we have after watching this?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AkEBUC0APMg[/QUOTE]


Here are some very beneficial articles for you:

Translation of what we recite in our namaaz

http://www.sunniforum.com/forum/show...f-salat-(namaz)


10 Steps to Increasing our Iman(Faith)

http://www.islamicboard.com/showthre...our-Iman(Faith)

30 ways the youth should spend everyday of their lives!

http://www.islamicboard.com/showthre...of-their-lives!

Easy Dhikr which is light on the tongue but heavy on the scales!

http://www.islamicboard.com/showthre...-on-the-scales!

My Daily Ibadah (worship) check!

http://www.islamicboard.com/showthre...worship)-check!

10 steps to getting closer to Allah

http://www.islamicboard.com/showthre...loser-to-Allah

Forty Very Easy, Quick & Rewarding Good Deeds for all of us to do Everyday!

http://www.islamicboard.com/showthre...to-do-Everyday!

Not praying Salaah 5 times a day? Here's the solution!

http://www.islamicboard.com/showthre...s-the-solution!

VERY Rewarding Nafl Salaahs we can Pray Everyday!

http://www.islamicboard.com/showthre...-Pray-Everyday!

and Allah knows best in all matters
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