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anonymous
06-22-2010, 03:26 PM
:exhausted :(
life is really stressful at home. at the moment i've been enjoying a nearly 3 week break and am not looking forward to going back home for a few reasons namely my sister. she is inconsiderate and just plain hurtful. she knows how to wrap my mum around her finger to get her own way. my mum thinks its out of her ignoarance, but i doubt that it is. im not the only family memeber to complain about her either. some of my siblings say the same thing as well. the reason i shut up and dont say anything to her, is becuase i know it will leave my mum in vulbnerable positon where she will be out in the middle of her 2 kids. it will hurt her emotionally/ even if i did say anything, she (my sister)...well it will just make her a lot worse. she knows what annoys people and knows how to get under thier skin. she's just real clever i guess. i have devloped such a resentment towards her.

this leads to the negative affects on my iman. i find that im more likey to backbite her and generally as a person, i change into someone im not. i dont wont to make excuses for myself since what im doing isnt right, but its just that there is so much anger and irriataion filled up, it becomes sort of like an impulsive habit.

i just find myself being so relaxed here. i find my mind is just tranquil and that i have nothing to worry about and all these strange parts of me are pretty much dormant.

how do i deal with this when i get home :( its not so much what is happening, but im scared that the negative affects of it will have an affect on me without even realising it :( right now i feel the irritatin building up just thinking about it i hate to see what its like when i get home.

im tryng to mentally prepare myself, but i fear that there is only so much that that will go as well.

any tips on keeping strong? how do you keep touch with what to do and not to do when the enviroment you are living with is against you.
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tango92
06-22-2010, 04:07 PM
sounds like normal teenage years. patience is key and being the bigger person will help you in the long run. you need to earn the respect of your sister and mum then they will listen to you.

what is it about your sister that allows her to control your mum? find the source and cut it out. and dont forget if Allah provides for you there is none who can take it away. our resources have already been allocated to us by Allah in his infinite wisdom.
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Ğħαrєєвαħ
06-22-2010, 11:49 PM
Aslaamu Alaaykum . . .

My advice is that you just treat your sistah as you would want to be treated, with respect and love :). . For this i know you will need to have Sabr and Remembrance of Allaah, remember sister you will be a good example no matter how your sister reacts towards you etc, IF you do follow the way the Prophet (saw) lived and how he dealth with certain situations, patience InshaAllaah.

“It is by Allah’s mercy that you are gentle to them, had you been harsh and hardhearted, surely they would have dispersed from around you. Therefore, excuse them; Plead for forgiveness for them and consult them in the affairs”. (3:159)

In this verse Allaah (swt) describes the Prophet (saw) as gentle man, if he had been harsh in his character etc then believe would have not followed him, as hes the Perfect Example, Follow the example of the Prophet (Saw).
Its your family , feel at home sis, increase your love for your family, pray to Allaah ask him to make it easy for you.
Just be nice round her, just follow the way of the Prophet (saw) how we would have dealth with such a situation , and May Allaah make it easy for you uktee, Ameen. . .
I hope i helped a lil bit InshaAllaah, but surely may someone give you better advice than me
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cat eyes
06-23-2010, 12:16 AM
this seems odd to me, sisters fighting like this :) i'm very close to my sister. i will keep you in my dua inshallah and hope things get better
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Ansariyah
06-24-2010, 10:49 PM
Sometimes fighting is normal n healthy as u learn wat to avoid so the same mistakes dont happen again. But that this is hurting u to this extent is not right..not u hurting but that things have gone this bad thats wat I mean. are u a sis or a bro?

Wat u need to do is just stop disliking ur sista so much, no matter how horrible she is start changing ur attitude towards her. If she only knew how much shes hurt u ...believe me she would feel bad. Thats if shes got a heart somewhere out ther! So pls tell her how this is effecting u, open ur heart to her inshaAllah she'll stop annoying u.

If thats doesnt work n shes just a down'right merciless person I wud suggest to avoid stooping to her level, just be the better person. Sometimes people just dont know any better, they need good example n maybe u can be that example.

I'm so close wit my sistas, I cant sleep without making up wit them, or else I will feel restless, n they are the same. Once we fight we tell each other everything thats how our parents raised us, n then the issues get settled that way. But bottling things up this way will only drift u guys so much apart that u'll start to think she hates u, u hate her...As shaytan is having the time of his life:(.

Dont dread going home, u kno life is too short dont waste another day without ur family get back home n open ur heart to them, be nice not ICE:hiding:

Do lil nice things for her, help her, say salam to her....who knows maybe she will smile n say sorry?:statisfie

Read the story of habeel n Qabeel.
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Hamza Asadullah
06-27-2010, 10:53 PM
Originally Posted by anonymous
:exhausted :(
life is really stressful at home. at the moment i've been enjoying a nearly 3 week break and am not looking forward to going back home for a few reasons namely my sister. she is inconsiderate and just plain hurtful. she knows how to wrap my mum around her finger to get her own way. my mum thinks its out of her ignoarance, but i doubt that it is. im not the only family memeber to complain about her either. some of my siblings say the same thing as well. the reason i shut up and dont say anything to her, is becuase i know it will leave my mum in vulbnerable positon where she will be out in the middle of her 2 kids. it will hurt her emotionally/ even if i did say anything, she (my sister)...well it will just make her a lot worse. she knows what annoys people and knows how to get under thier skin. she's just real clever i guess. i have devloped such a resentment towards her.

this leads to the negative affects on my iman. i find that im more likey to backbite her and generally as a person, i change into someone im not. i dont wont to make excuses for myself since what im doing isnt right, but its just that there is so much anger and irriataion filled up, it becomes sort of like an impulsive habit.

i just find myself being so relaxed here. i find my mind is just tranquil and that i have nothing to worry about and all these strange parts of me are pretty much dormant.

how do i deal with this when i get home :( its not so much what is happening, but im scared that the negative affects of it will have an affect on me without even realising it :( right now i feel the irritatin building up just thinking about it i hate to see what its like when i get home.

im tryng to mentally prepare myself, but i fear that there is only so much that that will go as well.

any tips on keeping strong? how do you keep touch with what to do and not to do when the enviroment you are living with is against you.
Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb, jazakallah khayran for sharing this with us. My sister we must realise that in Islam it is not permissable to cut off relations with our family and relatives. islam emphasises holding on tightly to the ties of kinship and those who do not are in great danger of gaining the anger and wrath of Allah. Therefore my sister hold on tightly to good relations with your sister even if she does not do the same. She will realise one day and it will hurt her how she has been towards you and others.

Try sitting down with her alone sometime and talking to her about your feelings in a gentle and loving manner. Tell her how much her actions hurts you. Tell her that you love her but her actions are causing you to have resentment towards her and that you do not want to feel that way towards your sister but her actions are causing you to. Tell her that her actions are causing a rift between both of you and what does she gain out of acting in such a manner. If you tell her in a loving and gentle manner showing her how hurt you are then she will feel guilty and it will hit her what her actions have caused. If she realises what effects her actions has on you and others then she may change her ways inshallah.

Also my sister realise that you keeping patient towards her and being the best towards her even though she is acting wrongfully against you is an act of great merit. Also the fact that you do not want to cause your mother distress is also very meriteous. Know that your reward is with Allah and he is with those who are patient and the reward of patience is Jannah. Allah loves when his slave acts good towards a person who acts bad towards them. So continue to please Allah as much as you can and be the best towards you sister and talk to her in a loving and gentle manner sharing your true inner feelings towards her. Make her realise you want to be close to her and that life is short.

Make dua for her and ask of Allah that he improves relations between the both of you and puts love for each other into your hearts.

And Allah knows best on all matters.
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