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anonymous
06-25-2010, 02:43 AM
there is this girl from my past i try to stay away from her but she keeps calling me and i think i might commit zina :(

im not yet married well i want to and i tried but since i earn less and dont have my own house it has become so difficult to marry

at the time of sahaba marriage for easy u didnt need to have a lot of wealth to get married and zina was difficult

now zina is easy and marriage is difficult

i try a lot not to sms or talk with her but i end up doing that

:(
suggestions pls
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'Abd-al Latif
06-25-2010, 10:03 AM
Stay away from her and protect yourself from her. Zina is an evil way and it will lead you to a lot of regret. As ibn Qayyim said in his book Rawdat ul muhabbeen:

Zina includes all kinds of evil: lack of religious commitment, loss of piety, corruption of chivalry, lack of protective jealousy. You will not find any zaani who is pious, or fulfils covenants, or is sincere in speech, or maintains friendships, or has a proper sense of protective jealousy concerning his family.


Treachery, lying, betrayal, lack of modesty, lack of awareness that Allaah is watching, failure to refrain from indulging in haraam, and loss of protective jealousy are all results of zina.


Another result of zina is the wrath of the Lord due to His sacred limits being transgressed and the sanctity of the family being violated. If a man were to do that to some king, he would punish him in the worst manner.


Another result is darkness of the face, and depression and self-hatred, which are obvious to all onlookers.
If this woman is calling you towards zina then she will be the first to turn her back on you when things go bad. Think of the consequences resulting from zina and the loss modesty and religion the results from only a few seconds of pleasure. No one indulges into zina except that they are deceitful, dishonest, untrustworthy and such people far removed from being amongst the vitreous and honoured. A sign of one whose faith is weak is he who takes destructive sins lightly.

I advise you to change your phone number and cut off all forms of contact with her. The more you hear from her the more you will be tempted to fall into sin. Make du'aa, ask Allah to help you and stay firm in the face of desire.
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Ummu Sufyaan
06-25-2010, 10:19 AM
:sl:
fear allah
fear allah
fear allah

are you going to desire this girl once you commit zina with her. you will hear many stories of people loosing interest in one another after they have committed zina. they mean nothing to one another, so what is the point? besides i thought you brothers were more obsessed with the hoori's :hmm: wouldnt it be easier if you just died as a shaheed?
now, if i as a sister, is reminding you about the hooris there must be something wrong with you.

the whole catch to the hardship is whether you're going to remain steadfast, so are you?

besides what so good about her? she gets her menses, plus all those other weird things that the human body (males and females) produces and secretes. go study abit of microbiology and then come and tell me how attractive she is. and if shes non-muslim, god knows how many guys have been attracted to her. god knows, she may be carrying diseases as well. gross. whats so attractive about that?

don't make excuses for yourself and exercise the utmost caution. when she rings you, don't lean towards your nafs, be strict with it and tell it that it cant have whatever it wants. its a no-go zone and make sure your nafs knows it and don't let it deceive you otherwise.

ignore her even if it kills you. once or twice it'll be hard, you will get used to it, after that it will become easier. in your heart, develops a type of delight that makes you feel good for leaving off the sin. it feels nice and one wishes to relive it so they keep staying away from sin. this is what motivates them to continue in obedience-the feeling in the heart...so let yourself taste it.

there was an insightful quote of patience
If a person does not naturally possess the characteristic of patience, he can attain this characteristic by acting as if he does possess it, until it eventually becomes second nature. This is what the Prophet (saaws) has told us in the hadith: “Whoever tries to be patient, then Allâh will help him to be patient.” A person can also strive to control sexual desire and lower his gaze until these too become second nature. The same applies to all other desirable characteristics such as steadiness, generosity and courage.
http://uncoveredtreasures.wordpress....itence/]source


why does she keep ringing you? tell her to get lost and stop ringing you. what person with self respect will bother ringing after that? know as well that she will only continue to ring you if you keep answering her.
there's this as well.

would you like to die committing zina? wallahi there was a lecture i was listening to long ago which had a story about a man who had died in the state of janabah after he had committed zina. is this the way you would like to meet your lord is it?

so you commit zina, later on you get married only for your wife to find out. she wants to kill you and so do your kids for not setting a proper example for them and for hurting their mother. your once happy marriage turns bitter.

you commit zina she later tells you she's carrying your child. you go crazy, your family go crazy. you either fulfill the responsibility towards the child (or abandon it) a few years down the the track you find out she's deceived you all along when you find out it wasn't yours to begin with.

OR
you remain steadfast and get rewarded for it (you give up something for the sake of allah and you get rewarded for it)
you put your head down knowing that Allah is pleased with you with no worries about how low of a level you have sunken, no worries about the sin you didnt commit, no worries if she is carrying your child and inshallah if you get married your wife will adore 100 fold.


perhaps if you fear allah, allah will replace you with someone better only a day later. you never know. wouldn't that be a better result?

zina (and every other sin for that matter) have bitter consequences that you have to be aware of. you have to be cautious and take into account their consequences. whats like going to be like after you commit the sin? whats your personal state going to be like? what affects will it have on your family? your life in general?

get praying if you dont. sit with the righteous people and beware and be alert as to where your nafs will take.
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Ummu Sufyaan
06-25-2010, 03:28 PM
some other useful/relevant links
this

and this(tips for lowering the gaze)...

and this one

there is also a whole section on modesty in islam here as well. not specific to your situation, but of somewhat relevance.
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cat eyes
06-25-2010, 03:42 PM
some good advice here already. its true your not going to feel anything for her after you have committed zina with her so get rid of that phone number and stop contacting her. your basically on the baby steps of committing zina and i guarantee you, it will happen. don't try and fool yourself in to believing that you can control yourself and still be able to contact her. people never do! when there living close by the person, its so easy to meet. all it takes is for the desires and the lust to get more intense. so be a wise man and throw that sim in the bin. shes bad news

also these girls have no shame either, shes probably chatting up another guy and tempting him also.
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Snowflake
06-25-2010, 10:33 PM
Brother, people have been found dead in hotel rooms in a state of major impurity because they died commiting zina! Fear Allah brother and stay away from this woman who will be quick to blame you on the Day of Judgment.

Read this hadith. It tells of punishment in the grave for sins that are less serious than zina. Then imagine the punishment for the zani?


The Prophet passed by two graves, and said about their occupants, “They are being punished for something which was not serious [according to them], but, indeed it was serious. One of them used to spread tales [in order to cause mischief and enmity between people], and the other used not to free himself from [traces of] urine.” Then, he took a fresh palm-leaf stalk, split it in two halves, and implanted one in each grave. He was asked, “O Messenger of Allah! Why have you done that?” He said, “[The punishment] might be lightened for them, as long as [the two stalks] do not dry up.” (Related by Bukhari and Muslim.)


You should seek the company of pious brothers who will be a good influence on you and they can advise you better on how to avoid temptation inshaAllah. Stay in wudhu all the time and constantly seek protection from Allah against the accursed shaytaan. The dunya is full of traps. Take every step with care.


:wa:
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CosmicPathos
06-25-2010, 10:46 PM
Only if marriage was easy for brothers while they were living in a Muslim community ... reminds me of Pakistani society, where zina with 100 women is okay as long as it is done one at a time and marrying more than one wife is taken as something disgusting. This hijabi sister was telling me that " a man marrying more than one wife looks like a shoda." Shoda means a man who has no self-respect and is emotional and is immature .... so Allah swt allowed men to be shoda ...

what has it come to ...
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Salahudeen
06-26-2010, 01:22 AM
Originally Posted by mad_scientist
Only if marriage was easy for brothers while they were living in a Muslim community ... reminds me of Pakistani society, where zina with 100 women is okay as long as it is done one at a time and marrying more than one wife is taken as something disgusting. This hijabi sister was telling me that " a man marrying more than one wife looks like a shoda." Shoda means a man who has no self-respect and is emotional and is immature .... so Allah swt allowed men to be shoda ...

what has it come to ...
This is indeed saddening, so in essense she has called Muhammed (saw) and his companions people with no self respect who are immature :(
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CosmicPathos
06-26-2010, 01:38 AM
Originally Posted by squiggle
This is indeed saddening, so in essense she has called Muhammed (saw) and his companions people with no self respect who are immature :(
I wanted to say that to her but then I thought it might hurt her that I am saying that she is using such terms for Prophet pbuh. May Allah guide her.
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anonymous
06-26-2010, 06:29 AM
allright guys, i just told her to stop being in touch wid me it hurted her a lot and she told me a lot of things

but anyway its over i think she wont ever bother to call me or sms me

allaho akbar i feel relieved and thanks allah subhanawatala to be chaste

and yes a heartful thanks to u my brothers and sisters in faith

u see i wasnt had zina on my mind but i realise shaytaan is giving me waswasah and i might end up doing that, hence i asked for help

may allah help me always and help me be amongst whom he loves
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anonymous
06-26-2010, 06:31 AM
* allaho akbar i feel relieved and thanks allah subhanawatala that he helped me to be chaste
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Snowflake
06-26-2010, 08:18 AM
:sl: Alhamdulillah brother! Allahu akbar indeed! You have done a good thing brother, and avoided displeasing your Creator. May Allah give you more than you could imagine in both worlds. Ameen. You've given the shaytaan a big slap on the face and he will want his own back and try harder to misguide you. Arm yourself by upping your good actions, ibadah and avoiding things that displease Allah and sit in the company of the pious brothers. Try not to be alone except out of necessity as waswaas will increase, and keep seeking refuge in Allah from the accursed shaytaan. :wa:
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Ummu Sufyaan
06-26-2010, 10:35 AM
:sl:
Originally Posted by anonymous
allright guys, i just told her to stop being in touch wid me it hurted her a lot and she told me a lot of things

but anyway its over i think she wont ever bother to call me or sms me

allaho akbar i feel relieved and thanks allah subhanawatala to be chaste

and yes a heartful thanks to u my brothers and sisters in faith

u see i wasnt had zina on my mind but i realise shaytaan is giving me waswasah and i might end up doing that, hence i asked for help

may allah help me always and help me be amongst whom he loves
hurting another isnt always easy, but when you put things in perspective, sometimes there is no other choice. its each man/person to himself at the end of the day.

now comes the stage where you will probably be again trialled. you are still in the stage where you have passed what you aimed for but still are quite weak. so again you have to remain alert and strong. she may ring you trying to get an explanation, she may ring you apologizing as she may fear she has wronged you (hence your reaction of cutting ties with her). so yes, it may not completely be over yet and this is just a forewarning to expect more. inshaAllah there wont be, but just in case.

whatever hurdle you reach, don't let it trip you over, but aim to jump over it safely.

get yourself enrolled in some Islamic classes, take up a new hobby, go traveling, get your mind off things.
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Ummu Sufyaan
06-26-2010, 10:40 AM
:sl:
Originally Posted by squiggle
This is indeed saddening, so in essense she has called Muhammed (saw) and his companions people with no self respect who are immature :(
i doubt she intended to include the prophet sallahu aleyhi wa sallam and his companions in that. you hear sometimes people saying things like that, but its hardly ever a case where they believe/intend the sali7een to be included in what they say.
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cat eyes
06-26-2010, 03:07 PM
Originally Posted by anonymous
allright guys, i just told her to stop being in touch wid me it hurted her a lot and she told me a lot of things

but anyway its over i think she wont ever bother to call me or sms me

allaho akbar i feel relieved and thanks allah subhanawatala to be chaste

and yes a heartful thanks to u my brothers and sisters in faith

u see i wasnt had zina on my mind but i realise shaytaan is giving me waswasah and i might end up doing that, hence i asked for help

may allah help me always and help me be amongst whom he loves
i hope you destroyed the sim card too? so even if she did contact you, you won't be able to reply
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anonymous
06-26-2010, 07:49 PM
Originally Posted by cat eyes
i hope you destroyed the sim card too? so even if she did contact you, you won't be able to reply

i dont think thats necessary and she wont ever contact me again becoz i hurted her feelings a lot (its how she potrayed), and i think she would have some self respect and not to call me again, if she does then il straight away tell her to get lost
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Muslimeen
07-21-2010, 11:04 AM
Originally Posted by Ummu Sufyaan
:sl:
besides what so good about her? she gets her menses, plus all those other weird things that the human body (males and females) produces and secretes. go study abit of microbiology and then come and tell me how attractive she is.
One of the funniest things I have read on this forum, and very true. :haha:
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Ummu Sufyaan
07-21-2010, 11:09 AM
^p.s that was in no-way an attempt to ridicule women if anyone took it that way...so i expect (and hope) that that post didnt in anyway result in anyone viewing women as inferior or less because of it. if that was the case, then give me half the chance, and i could say a lot worse about men. no-one is free from imperfection.
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Muslimeen
07-21-2010, 12:55 PM
Originally Posted by Ummu Sufyaan
^p.s that was in no-way an attempt to ridicule women if anyone took it that way...so i expect (and hope) that that post didnt in anyway result in anyone viewing women as inferior or less because of it. if that was the case, then give me half the chance, and i could say a lot worse about men. no-one is free from imperfection.
Why should it be ridiculing? it is a fact, the way Allah has created women.
There is no reason to be thinking of women as inferior, my mother and sister are also women and I don't think they are inferior, in fact their sacrifices in life has left me in awe.

It was just funny the way you put it, especially the microbiology part.
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Muslim Woman
07-26-2010, 05:24 PM
Salaam bro

keep fasting and ask Allah to protect u .

Prophet pbuh advised youth those who can not afford to get married to fast regularly.

Don't watch movies and stay away from the girl . Sorry did not read the whole thread. Where are ur parents ? Is it possible to get married and stay with ur wife at parents res ? In my country , many do that .
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