troubled sister

[umm hamdaan]

assalaam alaykum
jus join the forum today coz m a bit troubled abt my husband...by the way he talks to me:hmm:

Alhamdulilah m leading a queen's life in my house with my 2 kids....my hubby cares for me well...all needs are accepted...
the thing which bothers me is that everytime somthing comes up like skills...m the 1 who always comes up right but he never accept it...for him m a loser , an illiterate , knows nothing , etc...though hes a degree holder...i can b found more intelligent than him...most of the time i always end up in trying to rectify his mistakes or get him back on past forgotten memories...
i love him so much....only this triggers my love to be doubted....:nervous:
well is the problem really with me that i cannot accept him the way he says m illiterate?
jus need some morals to keep me high....:nervous:

[Alpha Dude]

Wa alaykum salam,

He actually says that you are illiterate?

Have you had a talk to him about this? Have a discussion with him and tell him how you feel.

At the end of the day, he provides for you, does his duty as a husband and treats you well (as a queen), so don't lose sight of that fact instead of directing all your focus on this imperfection of his. I mean, keep things in perspective. I'm sure his love for you is unconditional and I'm sure you love him the same. I would say it is only waswas that would make you doubt your love.

Really, just discuss it with him with a calm level head, tell him it makes you feel low. Tell him again and again until he stops it inshAllah.

[umm hamdaan]

thanx for replying..
in fact ive done higher school but due to lack of finance i cud not continue.as a result my marriage is held hoping that later i may continue study BUT with the condition that i shud not work. Helas...i got children(Alhamdulila) n studies jus flop...till today m jus an active net surfer during my pastime always a book worm for new discovers
b4 my hubby...m real good wife...every attention i pay to him...but jus cant imagine that useless blame of illiteracy...indeed useless....
i still remember how i was finger-pointed 3 years back by 1 of his relatives abt the result of my education being a housewife compared to the result of someone who barely finished high school, leading life with all wealth...that day i was shattered...cud not even talk with tears....when i relate that to my hubby, with cool mind he explained me how m better off than that person. i was relieved...
n now...where is thy husband who talked so 3 yrs back???

right now m frustrated...feel like enclosing myself....
i wish he cud understand me
inshaAllah i will try to talk to him tonite abt this issue...(if he is ready to listen)

[Vigno]

Asalamu Alekum

Have faith in Allah and say Bismilah and talk to him and inshallah Allah will help you and your husband will be enlightened to his mistake.
May Allah be with you, ameen

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[Alpha Dude]

i still remember how i was finger-pointed 3 years back by 1 of his relatives abt the result of my education being a housewife compared to the result of someone who barely finished high school, leading life with all wealth...

Don't worry about it sister. Only a foolish person would hold such opinions.

inshaAllah i will try to talk to him tonite abt this issue...(if he is ready to listen)

I'm sure your husband does not think bad of you. Just discuss it with him. Make time and MAKE him listen (politely, but firmly). No arguing though. Just have a proper discussion. If you've never told him how you feel, then how can you expect him to change?

[umm hamdaan]

inshaAllah, i will do everything possible to make my feeling voiced out to him.
thanx for replying.

[Amat Allah]

May Allah be with you and guide your husband and all of us Ameeeeen

I am with my respected and noble brother Bedouin just calm down in`shaa Allah

and talk to your husband calmly and wisely with no shouting or hard feelings even if he starsts shouting and yelling..ok?

your husband is really lucky to have such an amazing wife like you...^^

May Allah bless you , fill your heart with the endless happiness and satisfaction

and reward you all; you, your husband and precious children with the highest level

of the Paradise without being reckoning and all the Ummah Ameen

be cool ^^

[S_87]

remember sister academic achievement does not mean wisdom/intelligence :)
May Allah reward you for being an attentive loving and devoted wife. sometimes u dont realise what you have until its gone. i would say ur husband is on a dangerous line right now because comments like that slowly turns that love into hate and resentment. so talk to him and tell him how you feel, maybe he just doesnt realise. say it in a nice way that doesnt put him on defense straight away. InshaAllah this is something minor that can be sorted nicely

[Muslim Woman]

Salaam sis

It's a habit of some people tease others ;may be they don't realise that how much painful is it for others.

when ur husband is in a good mood , then talk to him calmly and with patients. Also point out that in Islam , it's not allowed to make fun of others. I will InshaAllah try to find out the verse.

[gladTidings]

Salaam sis...

Aw I hope that you don't feel too troubled. Firstly, you are very lucky alhamdullilah =). I'm no expert in the marriage department but I'm just thinking maybe he knows that you are an intelligent woman and he feels slightly threatened by it ? Maybe he does notice that you can accurately recall incidents from the past and maybe he knows that sometimes your right and he is wrong. Trust me, no one likes to be told that they are wrong especially if it is someone who is supposed to know more than you. So maybe his comments are to make himself feel better ? So considering that maybe you want to use a different approach to get him to understand you better. Finally, don't let this place doubts over your marriage inshAllah =).

Take care x

[Ummu Sufyaan]

edit........

[umm hamdaan]

assalaamu alaikum

thanx every1 for the reply. really am highly up while reading ur comments.
ive talked to him, Alhamdulilah he responded well. he never take tension in whatever i said even though it is serious...and he'll always end a dicussion with a joke..thats funny of him and that wat i like in him...

Trust me, no one likes to be told that they are wrong especially if it is someone who is supposed to know more than you. So maybe his comments are to make himself feel better ? So

I think the trick to get him to listen to you, is to compliment him and tell him how much you used to like it when he was like how you just described. see, if people are complimented, chances are they are going to feel good about themselves and think they are doing something good and as a result, they are likely to repeat that thing.

i agree with pearl that he never admit that i know better than him...always say that "ur the best" to compliment him.Khair m happy with him whatever the way he deals with me.
never i dare to say nasty things to him...esp his parents n sis.
one more thing which always bother me....her sis

got to go...