My mom does not like me

[aliya16]

Assalamualaikum brothers and sisters,

i m very sad today thought of sharing with u all
i m having family with 3 siblings one elder brother ,myself and younger brother
i was the only daughter to my parents. i m the unlucky girl who did not experience love of mother
i used to cry before her like anything when i was kid why dont u care me why dont u understand me
she never used to cook food properly my father was not happy with her
she never asked me how r u studying,what do u want ,nothing she never used to speak with me
i used to have lot of pain inside me
i dont know how i grew from child to adult,my mother never supported me
i used to psychiatrist many times when i was kid problem is with my mom used to take her to doctor
doctor used to ask me wht happened to me i used to say my mom never talks with me ,doesnt care me
nothing. when i got fever also she never used to care me
at the time of my marriage my mother wants me to get married to a family which is not good
my elder brother who is idiot wants me to get married with the family which is not good at all
he used to beat me kick on my stomach drag my hair used to scold me with very great difficulty i went to pharmacy store and bought medicines i was on bed for 3 days with pain
my father decided to throw me outside of house
i used to pray allah to give good family good husband
i used to cry a lot sitting alone asking god why is he doing to me
alhamdulillah i m blessed with good family good husband and baby

after marriage i left and living with my husband alone since 5 yrs
my mother never asked me how r u living?
when r u coming home?
when i was pregnant my mother never asked me how r u and health?
i called her for delivary she did not came me and my husband managed alone
she is not inviting us to come and stay with baby for few days with them
i realized now I DONT HAVE ANYONE I HAVE TO LIVE ALONE WITH MY HUSBAND
WITH NO FAMILY FOR LIFETIME

[Amoeba]

Wa alaykum asalam,

I cannot imagine what you have gone through or what you must be feeling, and I'm not sure my words can be of any help at all. But I was thinking as I was reading this, it seems to me like you have been granted a family - your husband and your baby, it's a new beginning. With time, insha Allah your family might grow bigger. How well do you get along with your husband's parents? Are they supportive?

Of course you want a relationship with your mother, that's completely natural and understandable. Just don't give up, keep contacting her. Sometimes mothers who have been neglectful or abusive come to regret what they have done (or not done) in previous years as they get older and wiser.

[AslamP]

It was very painful to read your story, I'm so sorry you went through such a traumatic childhood; it's your family's lost if they don't want a relationship with you. Don't waste your time on them, Allah blessed you with a great family now, concentrate on them, build a lifetime of happy memories.

[AishaRayann]

As salamu alaikum sis,

I have been through this same situation with my father. My father was physically abusive toward me and my mother..since age 2-13 he beat me horribly. and Emotionally and Mentally abused us too. I didn't talk to him for 10 years...Only child he has anything to do with is my brother. I have a younger sister who he disowned because she dated African American boys. We went through many Christmas' and Birthdays when I was a Christian to never get anything while my brother would get new Tv, Xbox360,IPhone,ect. We got nothing. Not even a card. He want speak to me at all.I tried to have a relationship with him several times..He didnt want one with me. I even forgave him after all this time for what he did to me. That's the only way to move on..Forgive and move on. Dear, you have a family..your husband who im sure loves you dearly..and a child insha allah more to come. :) Atleast you know what kind of mother you want to be.You have example of what not to be. If want to keep reaching out do so with the expectation that its HER choice to or not.and if she doesnt come around..its her lose..not yours. Be happy with who you have. Quality not quantity!!!

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[CosmicPathos]

walaikum assalam,

i wish you best of luck with your family with husband and your children, inshAllah.

Regarding your relationship with your mother, I do not know what to say actually. As long as she did not physically or mentally abuse you by harsh words or sarcasm, she made her choice of not loving you. I guess it is her human right to do what she wants. If she does not want to love you, there is nothing you can do about it. What you can do is to accept your mother's right to be indifferent to you even though its not the best decision she made probably, but you can try to be good to her if that is what you want to be like. Regarding when you were sick as a child, then I do think it is your parents' legal, if not moral, responsibility to provide you with optimum care. If your mother failed to do that, i think you can inform authorities about that.

May Allah swt give you what is good for you.

[in-the-shadows]

this may come across as a little harsh, but i do hope you understand where i am coming from when i say this. i do find it a bit bizzare that at no point in your post did you say that you might have been the one to blame at some point, in some thing in your life. lots of mothers are indifferent to their children, and are very harsh. this does not mean that she does not love you. perhaps she is just not good at showing her love the way you expect to be loved? maybe she thought she needed to be extra harsh with you in order for you to become a better person. maybe if you had not been through all that you would be extremely spoilt and would never have a good husband and a baby etc. maybe she did not contact you to ask you how you are when you are pregnant because your whole life you kept complaining and never tried to understand her point of view. maybe she never wanted to get too close to you because you were a girl and you would leave home one day. we don't know all this. why haven't you tried defending your mother in your own mind sometime?

i don't want you to think i am a person who does not understand what abuse etc is. i too was ignored by my mother quite a lot as a child while she concentrated on her other children. i was beaten as a child and as an adult too by my father, brother, mother, sister, and suffered many years of emotional abuse and still do. so i know what it is like to feel down and to feel unloved and unwanted. but regardless of whatever or whoever your mother is, you exist due to her, she did not neglect you as a baby or you would not be alive and there are far worse people in the world who throw their babies in the trash or worse, who sell their daughters into prostitution or put them into modelling and mess up their whole life and aakhirah as well. be thankful that is not the case with you. try to find the good things in life and run with them instead of ranting on the internet about how you are so unloved and asking for sympathy from random people on the internet and feeding this illusion in your mind that you are unloved. yes, it very well may be right, but none of us know your mother or you, so it could very well be that your mother loves you immensely but you just don't realize it. sit down and make a list with 2 columns, and in one, write all the good things your mother ever did for you, on the top thanking Allah that you are a muslim and you were born to a muslimah as opposed to a kaafir mother. did your mother not teach you anything about your deen? did she not teach you how to pray? did she not stop you from doing wrong things in life? i bet she did. so in one column write good things like that. simple things. like she taught you how to eat. and in the other write all the bad things she did. keep that list and see it whenever you think about such things to remind yourself it isn't so bad. i know it hurts when you feel unloved and unwanted, but at least you have a husband who loves you. there must have been some good in your mother if you think you yourself are a good person? unless you believe you developed all your good qualities all on your own. give the woman some credit. she may not be the best mother, but she's definitely not the worst either. you are a married woman with your own family, and yes life is tough and people who we love often don't love us back the same way we want, but that's life. be thankful for your husband and your child and get over it.

i'm sorry if i offended you but i don't think your mother is a bad person just because of what you said, as i don't know her personally and don't know the reasons for her actions. it could be she suffers from some mental disease, so try to cope with what you have instead of complaining so much. may Allah give you happiness.

[Futuwwa]

i used to pray allah to give good family good husband
i used to cry a lot sitting alone asking god why is he doing to me
alhamdulillah i m blessed with good family good husband and baby

Mash'Allah.

Your parents and siblings sound outright horrible. I'd advise trying to cut off yourself mentally from them. Make your new family, your loving husband and your children, the bedrock of your existence. Your prayers were clearly answered, so take shelter in the refuge Allah provided for you. Keep open the possibility of reconnecting with your parents, but don't count on it happening. It is said that Jannah is under the feet of mothers, but on the same, it's worth remembering that almost every woman is someone's mother, there's nothing special about yours. Some are bad, some will end up in hell, and we're definitely not commanded by Allah to endure continuing abuse from anyone, even our own parents.

[May Ayob]

Salaam
Sister You are blessed , I think it is a wonderfull thing that you have suffered all this and now you know the value of Love and it's importance
May Allah grant you beautiful days in this world and the After.

Have you ever thought of why maybe your mother is treating you this way , maybe her marriage was an arranged one and she wasnt ready fro marriage , maybe she has excuses you know , not that i am saying what she did was right no not at all i condemn the actions she did against you .
but still she is a humanbeing , maybe it is her relationship with your father. i dont know you know

But i say Alhamdulilah because it could have gotten worse , it is a great thing that you have a good husband that understands you and treats you in a good way , Focus on your child , try your best to forget the pasy with all its pain think about what it taught you.
You should also never lose hope on softening your mothers heart, try to get a mediator or a family friend who you and your family trust has characterisitics of a good muslim and so on and to try and understan your mothers point of view.


I hope you , and all you family a Good health , Good faith and Good Deeds that Allah swt accepts and i hope he rewards you for the patience of your childhood

I hope this helped. :)

Salaam

[YM Usrah Umar]

salam sister, cutting off is not the answer here, im sorry regardless in my opinion you should not cut off anybody especially your mother. il be honest...i dont know what i would say to you exactly but do dua for your mother iA. go see her at time if thats possible.

remember cutting off family or friends is iblis's favourite, it its already come to it then try to get it back.

Anas Ibn Malik (RA) reported that the Prophet Muhammed (PBUH) said:

"Whoever wishes to have his rizq increased and his life span be extended, then let him establish the ties of kinship" (Al Bukari 5986)

i cant seem to find the hadith but the prophet (pbuh) also said that (along the lines) if your family hate you and yet you still keep ties with them then THAT IS REALLY ESTABLISHING THE TIES OF KINSHIP"

[kingkong]

Allah has given you 2 great blessings it seems. A loving husband who has stoody by you and supported you through all this. And now a child, those two people are the most important people in your life, don't look at the sad parts of life, look at the love from yoru husband and yoru child.

I can't speak of this from experience, because I've not been through it, but I have seen a loved one suffer in the same way, my own dad. He found and we as a family found that cutting off all ties made life easier, you were able to move on in life and found peace. Now my father has many sons and loving and caring wife. Whislt he still feels sad about the way my grandmother was towards him and my mum, he's happier now because he's got something which is more important, a loving family of his own.

You have your own family, yes no one can replace your mother, but don't dwell on that I say. Focus on your husband and most importantly your baby.

[Ali Mujahidin]

:sl:

You have a caring husband and a lovely child. Shukur alhamduliLLah. I am glad for you and I am sure you thank Allah every day for that, too. Your mother is your mother. Whatever she says to you, whatever she does to you, she is still your mother. By Allah's will, she is your mother. She may be trying, she may be vexing, she is still your mother.

btw I am a revert and I am my mother's pet. When she first found out that I have embraced Islam, she treated me like I was dead. For many years. That hurts terribly, I can tell you for sure. Now that she has found out that Islam has not turned me into some kind of green-skinned alien with four arms and eight legs, she considers me to be her son again.

I beg Allah that you will be able to be patient with your mother and that, one day, Allah will reward you for your patience. Ameen.

[YM Usrah Umar]

:sl:

You have a caring husband and a lovely child. Shukur alhamduliLLah. I am glad for you and I am sure you thank Allah every day for that, too. Your mother is your mother. Whatever she says to you, whatever she does to you, she is still your mother. By Allah's will, she is your mother. She may be trying, she may be vexing, she is still your mother.

btw I am a revert and I am my mother's pet. When she first found out that I have embraced Islam, she treated me like I was dead. For many years. That hurts terribly, I can tell you for sure. Now that she has found out that Islam has not turned me into some kind of green-skinned alien with four arms and eight legs, she considers me to be her son again.

I beg Allah that you will be able to be patient with your mother and that, one day, Allah will reward you for your patience. Ameen.

mashallah thats great to hear.

hopfully it'l be ok later for the both of you, you and the thread maker. im quite suprised in sum ppl in this thread sayin cut off ur mother.....THIS IS SO WRONG....i dont why u guys say that

[Amat Allah]

never leave your mother`s side honey no matter how harsh she is with ya...Allah told us to be dutiful to our parent even if they were non believers except in disobeying Allah...

trust me oneday she will realize how precious you are to her, maybe the way that your mother raised on made her like that, Allah knows...but never ever hate her or leave her ...ask about her love her and call her whenever you can and at the end you are seeking Allah`s pleasure by doing this honey, right?

see how Allah Is merciful to you; blessing you with an amazing husband and child now try your best to be the best wife and mother ever in shaa Allah...and give your precious child what you wanted to have from your mother in shaa Allah and I believe that you will be so amazing mother O my sweetheart...

May Allah love you and be pleased with ya always and forever Ameeeeeeen

love you for the sake of Allah my dear ^^ big kiss on your nose...

Humbly, your sister who admires you, treasures you and adores ya:

Amat Allah

[syilla]

:sl:

i hope you are ok now. Allhamdulillah you are blessed to have a child. Do take care of yourself and be strong. Now you are away from them you can be strong and proof to them you are a better person. But always remember your manners and be grateful for every little thing they have given to you.

May Allah swt always be with you and remember lots of homeless child are successful now even some are a billionaire. and you can be successful to in the eye of Allah swt.

[Jedi_Mindset]

It's good that you have a nice family now Masha'Allah. Allah(SWT) has answered your prayers, so we see, even if we are very lost, we need to put our hope into Allah(SWT). HE is the one who is by your side, and tests you every second each day.

At the end of a dark tunnel, there is always light. Anyhow, i suffered many fights to, between my parents. Every day, it became worse and worse. My parents are divorced right now, but if i look back at it, i'm a good person now who can stand alot and not easy to fall down. Also thanks to my dad's hate for islam, i have more interest now in islam and Insha'Allah i can speak out my shahadah soon :D There is always a postive side on it.

[Scimitar]

AMEEN!!!

Bro, you're English has improved BIGTIME, masha-Allah.

[Jedi_Mindset]

Thanks bro, yes you are right, probably because i chatted alot with the lambs :)

[IbnAbdulHakim]

what can a psychiatrist do for you that a Wali of Allaah cannot do?

seriously?

the psychiatrist lays all blame on those around you, the friend of Allah will help you understand your own faults and your position with ALlah, whats expected of you and how you can improve your situation.


us laymen need to stop turning to the unislamic mentality to better our situation


may Allah guide us towards him and not towards what will turn us away