View Full Version : relationships gf bf need help

09-06-2010, 05:35 PM

im in a situation that i dont no what to do, and i decided to talk to someone islamic that is why i made a account on this forum.

im from uk aged 20
i was seeing a muslim girl for around 6 months, in which we had body contact such as kissing etc, also i admit there was some of sexual nature however not full sex if that makes any sense ?

everything was good well i thaught so did she,, she whent pakistan about 3 months ago, and from their it fell apart, i became off, and distant from her for no reason, which i still dont no why, so i decied to end the relationship, it got to the point were she was crying so badly every day and she even tried killing her self, she was telling me she loves me to much and cannot live without me, that got sorted as i started talking to her again,however i still had no feelings like i did before

then we broke up again officaly, we never spoke for 2weeks shes now returned to uk, and we spoke few days back, and the situation is i dont no what to do,i said its wrong in islam ( i w ent to a islamic lecture which talked about gfs, this kinder scared me made me think twice)

i expalined to her over and over but she goes she cant live without me, and needs me in her life, and wants to get married to me one day
i really dont no what to do if i stop talking to her, she cries everyday and might even run away or hurt her self, which i cannot bare to see,

can someone help me please i dont no what to do

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Abdul Wahid
09-07-2010, 03:53 PM
:wa: brother.

Yes your right. Its wrong in Islam to have a girlfriend. There is no such thing as girlfriend/boyfriend in Islam. Your either married or not.

Brother you have to avoid her from now on. Stay away. Change your phone number or don't pick up her calls.

Are you going to sacrifice your religion for her. The Prophet(SAW) is reported to have stated that “whenever two strangers of the opposite gender are alone with each other, Satan becomes the third one between them.” (At-Tirmidhi)

It is not allowed in Islam to take a non-mahram person or persons of the opposite gender as a very close friend. Such friendship often leads to haram. You already have confirmed that you committed haram. Before you know it - it will lead to zina. One thing leads to another. Don't spend time with her alone. Zina is a major sin in Islam.

“And come not near to unlawful sex. Verily, it is a Faahishah (i.e. anything that transgresses its limits: a great sin), and an evil way that leads one to hell unless Allaah forgives him”
Surat Al-'Isrā' (The Night Journey) - (سورة الإسراء - (17:32

Al-Bukhaari narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “No adulterer is a believer at the time when he is committing adultery; no thief is a believer at the time when he is stealing; no drinker of wine is a believer at the time when he is drinking it.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (5578) and Muslim (57).

There are many more Quranic verses regarding this and Hadith. I have less time so I'll keep it brief. Thank ALLAH(SWT) that He(SWT) has made you realise what is wrong and its best to repent sincerely to stay away from such sins.

However if your serious about marriage then marry her. This will save you from committing sins. Contact her wali but seriously I think you should avoid her. Get on with your life. Strive to please ALLAH(SWT). Afterall this life is a mere test.

If you change your number then she can't contact you. She is not your responsiblity. Are you going to go back to her and commit more sins and who knows a major sin (zina) or avoid her and please ALLAH(SWT).

I've kept this brief. Ask anything if you need to. I'm sure other brothers and sisters will contribute.

'Abd Al-Maajid
09-07-2010, 04:23 PM
:sl: brother.
Congratulations, Allah gave you hidayah. I know a person who was in a same situation as you are now.

He was 21y old and was very chaste before this incident happened. One of his friends who was very characterless incited him to have a gf and eventually he persuaded one girl and was seeing her. They both dated for about 6 weeks. They shared some intimate moments (kissing, touching. but they could never be held responsible for the actual zina). Suddenly out of nowhere this boy got hidayah and he wanted to end this relationship. He tried to avoid her but she was persuading her and calling her daily and was crying, staying awake at nite and what not. She even incised letter 'M' on her arm. Until now he was just avoiding her. But one night he sternly talked to her and ended the relationship and changed his phone number. 8 months passed by and now he's happlily single and till date he's asking forgiveness from Allah SWT.

May Allah forgive him for what he have done, knowingly and unknowingly.

You know being stern always helps. Change you phone number and ask forgiveness from Allah SWT.

09-07-2010, 05:40 PM
It sounds like the girl's faith is so weak that she has become totally dependant on you as her source for happyness in life. You need to tell her that she doesn't need you or any man, to be happy in life. All she needs is Allah. This is unfortunately common in relationships, people feel as if they can't live with out each other and they need each other to be happy. But this is the trick of the shaytaan and bollywood movies. She can live without you, you're not a neccessity like food.

She needs to strengthen her faith so she's not dependant on you or any person for happyness, she is making you feel guilty by saying " I need you I can't live without you" tell her she only needs Allah to be happy not any individual or person. And remind her that the goal of life is to worship Allah and get to jannah not to die like Romeo and Juliet.

Don't feel guilty about her harming herself or crying, she is responsible for her own deeds as you are, tell her to come closer to Allah and not be dependant upon any person. You can't disobey Allah because your scared she will hurt herself and be depressed. You have to think about yourself and your own grave, you can't do haraam with her just because you don't want to upset her.

Tell her to come closer to Allah don't let the guilt keep you in the relationship she is responsible for her own deeds not you.

Allah will not hold you responsible if she hurts herself, as the saying goes "it takes two to tango" you were both at fault, it's not just your fault, it's her fault as well so don't feel guilty, she's just as much to blame as you for getting into a haraam relationship.

It sounds to me she is emotionally black mailing you to come back to her by saying "I need you in my life" "I can't live without you" "If you don't come back to me I'll hurt myself"

don't fall for it, tell her you don't care, allah will hold her to account for her deeds and you're not responsible for her. She's the responsibility of her father and brother.

if you really like this girl and want to be with her, then you should make you relationship halal and lawful through marriage. But don't let her blackmail you and make you feel guilty into getting back with her.

Akhi don't let the guilt force you back with her if you don't want to be, I know it's hard cos you feel responsible for her if she hurts herself or runs away, but the reality is you're not responsible for her. If you like her then marry her there is nothing wrong with this. But don't go to her because you're worried she will hurt herself or run away, if she does these things it's not your fault, she's not your responsibility.

I know it's on your conscious and you're thinking that "what if she does these things like running away or harming herself, it will be my fault" but it's not your fault, she's responsible for her own deeds not you.

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09-08-2010, 03:46 PM
thanks for the repllies

i told her what was ive been toled, and havwe not spoken to her but she was saying if i can betherefor her to help her go on the right path or do i have to compleatly lock her off ?

Abdul Wahid
09-09-2010, 05:43 AM
:sl: brother

You have done the hard job by telling her what you was doing before was wrong.

You being there for her will only lead you back to your old ways. Believe me that won't be your intention but before you know it you will be back to square one. Don't forget that you broke it off and that she still wants you.

Cut her off completely. Like I said before you don't need to speak to her. If she wants to go on the right path then tell her first thing is to break total contact to avoid further sins. She wanting to go on the right path is good. However you don't need to be there for her to help her. She needs to do it on her own. Just like you will.

You can't help her when she is praying Salaat or fasting etc. She needs to start off with Salaat first. She can do that on her own.

Stay strong brother. Avoid all contact if you want to please ALLAH(SWT). That should be your goal. You done what you had to do. Your not responsible for her. Both of you know what to do. Help is always available.

If you didn't understand anything or have more questions - feel free to ask.

09-09-2010, 02:06 PM
Brother if you like her and want to be with her then you should marry her otherwise cut it off cos you will just end up at square 1 again, doing haraam stuff.

- Qatada -
09-09-2010, 02:31 PM

you wna get married to her bro adma? and would you be able to?

Hamza Asadullah
09-18-2010, 04:33 PM
Originally Posted by adma01
thanks for the repllies

i told her what was ive been toled, and havwe not spoken to her but she was saying if i can betherefor her to help her go on the right path or do i have to compleatly lock her off ?
Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb, my brother it is not right for you to be in touch with any non mahram girl whatever the reason may be. She is wanting you to remain with her and is trying to find anyway possible even if that means using religion to stay in contact with you.

I suggest that if you really like her character and feel that she would be right for you in terms of deen and has potential of having piety then you should do isthikhara and talk to your parents or mother whoever you feel comofrtable discussing this matter with. If things go right then contact her wali immediatley or get her to give you her home number so that your mother can ring her mother and start off proceedings.

If you do not want to marry her or are not ready at this stage then you must cut off ALL ontact with her immediatley as you do not owe her nothing and it is not your responsibility to help her with deen for that is for other sisters or her mahrams to help her. You being in touch with her is exactley what she wants to hold on to you.

You must fear Allah for you have already had a forbidden relationship with her which you must continue to repent for and you must cut off all contact right away. I suggest that you have a nice fresh start with your life and the way to do that is to change your number and e mail addresses. Once you have done this then this will also help you to internalise the changes in your mind so that you can make them in your daily life.

We must realise that our time is too short and we have NOT got the time to waste especially in our youth. The youth is very important and this time will NEVER come back. This is the best time to worship Allah and do NOT think that because you are young that you have your whole life ahead of you just go to the grave yard and you will see Muslims of ALL ages. Did they think they were going to die so young? If it is decreed then it will happend and our death may happen at ANY second!

So let us make the changes now. Do not delay this matter anymore. Decide what you are going to do by taking the steps iv'e mentioned and waste no time in wanting to please Allah and striving to be closer to him.

Here are some very beneficial lectures which you should listen to, to increase your imaan and fear of Allah:

Remembrance: ask Allah for his forgiveness


Angel of Death!!! - Sheikh Ahmed Ali


Imam Anwar al-Awlaki - Death (The Destroyer of Pleasures) [part 1/4]


Imam Anwar al-Awlaki - Death (The Destroyer of Pleasures) [part 2/4]


Imam Anwar al-Awlaki - Death (The Destroyer of Pleasures) [part 3/4]


Imam Anwar al-Awlaki - Death (The Destroyer of Pleasures) [part 4/4]


Imam Anwar al-Awlaki - The Journey of the Soul


HARD HITTING Lecture on HELLFIRE & the Day of JUDGEMENT! يوم القيامة والجحيم


Sheikh Ahmad Ali - Hellfire Talk Part 1/3


Sheikh Ahmad Ali - Hellfire Talk Part 2/3


Sheikh Ahmad Ali - Hellfire Talk Part 3/3


Islam - Punishment of the Grave by Sheikh Riyadh ul Haq


Death and the Grave by Murtaza Khan


How can we not appreciate what we have after watching this?


AMAZING short speech -"The Goodly Life"


and Allah knows best in all matters

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