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View Full Version : 3 Is a Company

09-28-2010, 02:48 PM
3 is a company : Me, her and satan

part 1

the muslim community we have today has many failings and no doubt addressing these is part of the solution. One of these problems facing the youth, are that these days even those brothers and sisters from decent islamic families, yes those brought up in a islamic nature and attend jummah prayer on a friday and fulfill there islamic duties yet find themselves falling into haram situations, that’s right the old pre-martial relationship that youth seem to indulge in these days. Those parents who understand teaching is only one part of parenting the second is protecting them from haram, so they try to limit there son or daughter's socializing ensuring they are home at by a certain time, knowing who there child socializes with and so on. For these parents who try and keep their children on the flawless path of islam, why is that they when these youths come to pre-marital relationships they end up taking that wrong turn still?

Firstly living in the western world isn't much help in raising children but that should be no excuse. In the west having pre-marital relationships is the norm, and the way the movies, television and music romanticise it all, no wonder the youth are so caught up in it, and with the explosion of social networking its never been easier. It is not sinful to be in love don't get me wrong, it's a special affinity or inclination towards a certain individual that we as human beings have no control on such natural inclinations. However, if that love prompts you to try to see that person in secret and to give expression to your feelings in actions permissible only within the bond of marriage then what you are doing is forbidden (haraam). This type of forbidden activity includes internet relationships:

“oh the shock, the horror :ohmy: !! I'll just pause whilst you get your head around that hmmmmm………………… :dry: ..

Whilst i pause here for those who are in shock after just finding out the above ^, for the rest of you here is a fatwa from shaykh ibn jibreen

“it is not permissible for anyone to correspond with a woman who is not his mahram, because of the fitnah involved in that. The correspondent may think that there is no fitnah, but the shaytaan will keep on at him until he makes him fall in love with her and her with him. The prophet (peace and blessings of allaah be upon him) ordered the one who hears of the dajjaal to flee far away from him, and he said that a man may come to him as a believer but the dajjaal will keep on at him until he leads him astray.

Correspondence of young men with young women involves a great deal of fitnah and danger, and it must be avoided, even if the questioner says that there is no love or desire involved” (islam qa )
fatwa on internet relationship

shall i continue now?”

it seems half of the kids out there think internet dating is halal because it’s not technically “real life”. Well they say ‘ignorance is a bliss’ but this is definitely not the case here, because with relationships that begin on the internet, the relationships begins to develop and there is an emotional attachment. It becomes so great that from online chatting turns into constant texting and those four hours or more telephone conversation where neither one of you wants to hang up and those three words ‘i love you’ are repeated every minute, then houston we have a problem !

but as a teenager a virtual relationship isn’t enough so they take it one step further and start a more physical relationship (no not that kind !), but they start meeting up whether it’d be cinema, shopping centre, park or some might just meet up at community events. But remember brother’s and sister 3 is a company, why do i say 3 is a company when it’s just the two of you because:

The prophet, peace and blessings be upom him, is reported to have stated that “whenever two strangers of the opposite gender are alone with each other, satan becomes the third one between them.” (at-tirmidhi)”

so when the shaitan is present he is ever looking to present and suggest new ways in doing haraam and soon you can find yourself committing zina (fornication, adultery). Perhaps at this stage they’ll realize that what they are doing is prohibited, but because the relationship has gone on for quite a while they are in two minds and find it hard to let go. The shaitan will wear you down and make you believe that though you may of gone over a bit off track at least i'm not out there selling drugs, stealing committing murder and are still much better than those out of control youths. And besides pre-marital relationship can’t be haraam if i’m going to marry the person i love anyway, right? Well……………………………

“o you who believe! Follow not the footsteps of shaytaan (satan). And whosoever follows the footsteps of shaytaan (satan), then, verily, he commands al-fahsha’ [i.e. To commit indecency (illegal sexual intercourse)], and al-munkar [disbelief and polytheism (i.e. To do evil and wicked deeds; and to speak or to do what is forbidden in islam)]. And had it not been for the grace of allaah and his mercy on you, not one of you would ever have been pure from sins. But allaah purifies (guides to islam) whom he wills, and allaah is all-hearer, all-knower”

[al-noor 24:21]

zina (adultery, fornication) does not refer only to penetration, rather there is the zina of the hand, which is touching that which is forbidden, and the zina of the eyes, which is looking at that which is forbidden, even though zina that is committed with the private parts, is the zina which is punishable with the hadd punishment.

It was narrated from abu hurayrah that the prophet (peace and blessings of allaah be upon him) said: “allaah has decreed for every son of adam his share of zina, which he will inevitably commit. The zina of the eyes is looking, the zina of the tongue is speaking, one may wish and desire, and the private parts confirm that or deny it.”

narrated by al-bukhaari, 5889; muslim, 2657.

it is not permissible for the muslim to long for the things that lead to zina, such as kissing, being alone, touching and looking, for all these things are haraam and lead to the greater evil which is zina.

allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“and come not near to unlawful sex. Verily, it is a faahishah (i.e. Anything that transgresses its limits: A great sin, and an evil way that leads one to hell unless allaah forgives him)”

[al-isra’ 17:32]

looking at that which is forbidden is one of the arrows of the shaytaan, which leads a person to doom, even if he did not do it intentionally at first. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts). That is purer for them. Verily, allaah is all‑aware of what they do.

And tell the believing women to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts)”

[al-noor 24:30-31]

the person who has committed any of these actions has to repent to allaah, for whoever repents allaah will accept his repentance, and the one who repents is like one who did not sin.

sometimes the youth find themselves in this situation because the person they are involved with is usually the person who they intend to marry, and they originally started speaking to him/her as it was all just to "get to know them". Of course, within the limits of hijab, it is possible to get to know a person in a permissible way, but as we all know that's not the case for the majority of kids in this situation, and while being involved for "marriage purposes" is the usual excuse, the fact of the matter is that it's actually about having the satisfaction of being in a relationship, regardless of how remote the chances are of actually marrying the other person.

A closer analysis of this sad reality will depict that on one hand, we have the kids who legitimately feel the need for a partner, someone who can provide them with emotional support, solve their problems, and give them something to look forward to each day. On the other hand, we have youth who never felt the need for a partner but unexpectedly came across the opportunity to be a part of a relationship and were sucked in before they could think twice about it (yeah brother i know, its you saw a chick wearing ugg boots, legging pants and you thought **** thats a chick with swagga and i gotta link that rite ? Astaghfirullah). Whatever the justification, one thing is for sure – it is becoming harder for the muslim community to keep a hold of its decent youth, and it all has to do with the fact that they are finding it harder to resist the temptations that haram relationships have to offer........

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09-28-2010, 02:49 PM

Part 2 of 2

Now we’ve established why “good” kids end up on the ‘highway to hell’

Now the solution to the problem, the answer you’ve been waiting for has arrived….
I’ll just pause again to add effect and suspense to it all…..

Ok if you haven’t guessed it already there is no simple solution to it; let’s do ourselves some justice now. Well there are a lot solution thrown around like sending children to single gender or Islamic schools, being tougher on them by taking away internet access and mobiles, or as soon as they come of age getting them married (Just a few examples from a Desi Parent Hand Guide). Some parents try to strategies prior to any incident, more of a pre-emptive strike. Others just implement all in one big crack down meaning there childs personal life is almost scrutinized every single day, well lets face having Mum and Dad breathing down your back can causes retaliation and the kid being more distant from there parents. I will admit sometimes on a rare occasion you might just get some success from those solutions but in the process you can cause the child to have lot resentment, but to some parents that just part of parenthood, you can’t always be your child best friend which is true. But overall it’s been established that most of those solutions are just one big epic failure!

I’ll just re-illiterate this article hasn’t got that magic answer to all problems with pre-marital relationships, what you need to do is identify what the underlying issues is. Most of us living in the west and the culture here going to high school, every other man have got a link to some chick, and pre-marital relationship is promoted so hard not to avoid it. Islam recognizes this sort of desire, to have a partner and being “with someone” but there is halal outlet to this all, it’s called ‘Marriage’ (ok those young readers I can see the shock in your face and it’s understandable but keep reading). Remember Islam, unlike other religions is a strong advocate of marriage, there is no place for celibacy like, the prophet (pbuh) has said "there is no celibacy in Islam”. Marriage acts as an outlet for needs and regulates it so one does not become a slave to his/ her desires (there is more to marriage but this is just one of the Pro’s, so don’t get to happy in getting married)

A few generations in living in the west and we have forgotten all about Marriage, the word does not appear until the parents child is a full adult at the age of 26 or more, the policy of “No wife/husband till you’ve completed University…..how can you afford a spouse you need a house and enough money, you need a job etc”. And now this policy has gone on for so long the mentality of the youth when you say ‘Marriage’ is described with a face of shock and horror, chasing this dunya seems to be of more importance to both parents and child now, seems like we are self inflicting these wounds ehhh? Islam has encouraged marriage as early as possible, and yet our youth are getting the idea that they will be in their late twenties or early thirties by the time they have their first partner. Of course, this seems slightly unfair, as most people in the West have their first partner early on in the teenage life, if not even sooner!

It is mustahabb to hasten to get married for the one who is able for it, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And marry those among you who are single (i.e. a man who has no wife and the woman who has no husband) and (also marry) the Saalihoon (pious, fit and capable ones) of your (male) slaves and maid‑servants (female slaves)”

Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: A person’s need to get married is urgent, and in some cases it may be like his need for food and drink. Hence the scholars said: It is obligatory for the one who has to spend on a person to arrange his marriage if he can afford to get married, so it is obligatory for fathers to arrange the marriages of their sons, if the sons needs to get married but cannot afford to do so. But I heard that some fathers who forget how they were when they were young, when the sons ask them to arrange their marriage, they say: Get married at your own expense. This is not permissible and it is haraam if he able to arrange his marriage. His son will dispute with him on the Day of Resurrection if he does not arrange his marriage when he is able to do so. End quote from Majmoo’ Fataawa Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (18/410).

We were with the Prophet while we were young and had no wealth whatsoever. So Allah's Messenger said, "O young people! Whoever among you can marry, should marry, because it helps him lower his gaze and guard his modesty, and whoever is not able to marry, should fast, as fasting diminishes his sexual power.

(Al-Bukhari, Book 62, Hadith 4)

This powerful hadith contends that those who are young and experiencing challenges in preserving their chastity and modesty should be saved from hurting themselves and others by means of early marriage, which allows them to develop a strong marital bond through companionship and intimacy with their spouse. In addition, the hadith concedes that those who cannot afford early marriage should still take great precaution by fasting, since as the Prophet reminds us, fasting helps us to exercise self-restraint and to control our sexual desires.

"The young reader are you still reading or has marriage just left a unsavoury taste in your mouth? Ah your still there inshallah if you keep reading you might be drawn to marriage.

The older only in age but younger in looks hehe :P , just wanted to just note again that marriage is not the answer you need to assess the issues with your child before even considering this, communication is the way forward ! "

Back to young marriage, right now we need to make the teens realise that marriage should not be delayed until the boy or girl is entirely settled, life is always uncertain. Most Muslim youth who have a pretty good understanding of their faith and logic behind divine laws actually look forward to marriage, it’s the parents often tend to overlook these days. You should all know :

As the Prophet (PBUH)said:

"When the servant marries, then he has completed half of the deen. Then let him fear Allah (Taqwa) with regard to the remaining half"

But our Holy Prophet (peace be upon him) also said that when it comes to a young person who marries at the beginning of his/her youth, his/her devil moans and intensively regrets that s(he) has protected two-thirds of his/her faith from Satan!
The excessive fear of how early marriage will affect those teens who haven’t completed education, or how our daughter will starve to death unless the boy she is going to marry is a doctor, how our son won’t get along with the girl unless they are like super models, how the next generation will be completely “Westernized” if either boy or girl is unable to fluently speak in their native language are all completely bizarre and unrealistic expectations. Guys and Girls I’m not saying you need to marry someone who you don’t find attractive, you need physical attraction but that are ONE of the attributes, be realistic with looking for your fiancée, if you have a highly attractive wife but her personality is terrible and she disobeys you, is that a happy marriage?

One of the important reasons for which Islam has prescribed marriage is to achieve chastity and to protect oneself and prevent one from looking at haraam things. In order to achieve that, Islam encourages looking at the fiancée before getting married to her, as that will ensure that love and affection will be generated between them, and will create a happy family, based on love, affection and respect, and neither spouse will be tempted to do something other than that which Allaah has permitted. Hence beauty is one of the attributes which one is encouraged to seek and pay attention to.

It says in Sharh Muntaha al-Iraadaat, which is a Hanbali book (2/621):

It is also Sunnah to choose a beautiful woman, because it is gives a greater sense of transquillity and is more likely to help him lower his gaze and love her more. Hence Islam prescribes looking (at one's fiancée) before marriage.

It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: It was said: O Messenger of Allaah, which of women is best? He said: “The one who, when he looks at her he feels happy, when he tells her to do something she obeys him, and she does not go against his wishes with regard to herself or his wealth.” Narrated by Ahmad (2/251); classed as hasan by al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah (1838).
Young Marriage, I’m not going to paint you a picture of a bed of roses

I will take one of google pics though hehe

Back to reality yes marriage is going to be hard but facilitating an early marriage is not in itself impossible, however the newlyweds cannot be left to fend for themselves. Here is article about young marriage and how to cope and issues that arise:

They do not plan ahead for the first week or month after marriage, when they are expected to be living on their own, with their wife, and providing for her well-being and sustenance. When both husband and wife are students, it is imperative that the husband's parents — or whichever set of in-laws can afford to do so — provide financial assistance.In fact, securing that financial support before the marriage and being sure it is being given willingly is paramount to relieving at least a portion of the undue burden posed on the newlyweds.

No doubt support can come in the form of living with the parents after marriage. But this arrangement, especially if it means living in the young man's parents' home, often infringes on the privacy and the right of the wife to have her own quarters. While the wife has somewhat more privacy when the young couple lives with her parents, it is still far from ideal. No matter what, should misunderstandings arise and disharmony prevail, both sets of parents must be respected, and, if necessary, a trustworthy third party be brought in to help restore understanding and harmony.

For those young people considering early marriage, it is critical that they give lots of attention to issues such as finances and privacy. The stresses associated especially with these two issues appear to destabilize marriage early on.

A beautiful lesson can be learned from the life of the beloved young couple `Ali and Fatimah (may Allah be pleased with them) about the power of du`aa' (supplication) as a way to survive marital stress. `Ali (may Allah be pleased with him) narrated:

Fatima was complaining about what she suffered from the hand mill and from grinding, when she received news that some slave girls from the booty had been brought to Allah's Messenger. She went to him to ask for a maid-servant, but she could not find him, and told `A'ishah of her need. When the Prophet came, `A'ishah informed him of that. The Prophet came to our house when we had gone to bed. (On seeing the Prophet) we were going to get up, but he said, "Stay where you are." I felt the coolness of the Prophet's feet on my chest. Then he said, "Shall I tell you a thing that is better than what you asked me for? When you go to your beds, say 'Allahu Akbar (Allah is Great)' thirty-four times, and al-hamdu lillah (all the praises are for Allah)' thirty-three times, and 'subhan Allah (Glorified be Allah)' thirty-three times. This is better for you than what you have requested." (Al-Bukhari, Book 53, Hadith 344)

Fine, so you want to marry young, have a job, and be in school. You truly want it all. But who goes to school, who goes to work, and ultimately who stays at home are questions whose answers are not at all simple or straightforward. Unless explicitly discussed, another major challenge for those who are young, married, and in school is to come to terms with the fact that both the husband and the wife will actually be in school or that one will be working full-time while the other is in school, or some combination of both possibilities might exist.

Usually, very closely associated with a high level of maturity is a level of sophistication that translates into an ability to develop a clearer sense of course of action and future goals, especially with regards to career.

You getting this people, you need to plan, need support and you have to have maturity !

All that is needed is a basic maturity level, and after that, parents, scholars, and community leaders have an obligation to encourage among our youth the kind of mental and emotional maturity they need in order to become successful husbands and wives. Its time to realize times have changed the pressure for relationship and so on are ever increasing, we need to address the youths emotional and physical needs, so that we can start making a change to stop this haraam idea of pre-marital relationships!

Note ! Brothers and Sisters I remind you not to take this article solely, marriage and the whole pre-marital relationship is much wider, so before going into any decision please do your own research, I’ve just aimed to collect idea’s and give my own opinion sourcing from Fatwa. I stress this only a point of view not a fatwa of any type, please talk to your own scholars, imams, family members when discussing this type of issue.

09-29-2010, 06:30 PM
nice post jazakallah khair

P.S love the sig fiasco needs to make more rhymes that are religious

09-29-2010, 06:41 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Mila
nice post jazakallah khair

P.S love the sig fiasco needs to make more rhymes that are religious
I think it would be best if fiasco leaves the music industry if he wants to stay a good muslim

good thread by the way...the parents hold the key that will free the youth but they've swallowed it a long time ago :(

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