What should I do???

[umairabid]

Assalam u Alaikum, My name is Umair Abid I am a 20 years old guy and going to be of 21 in January 2011. Currently I am doing job as an SEO Analyst in Lahore and studying in the 2nd semester of BS(CS) hons. from Virtual University. When I was at the age of 17 I met a girl and At first glance I like her and pray to Allah that give her to me if it is possible I agree that I was not mature at that time but somehow I got the chance to talk with her and after two years I propose her and she accepted my proposal i was very happy and also set up my mind for the responsibilities that I have to full fill. I decided to inform our parents as soon as she gets admission in the university so that we can come close to each other in the way which Islam teaches us and we also don't want to unplease Allah. But when she inform her parents they gives lame excuses about myself and try to create the problem of status which was not that much and not so prominent they are like belong to higher middle class and I am from middle class and they also try to create misunderstandings between me and her and said that her daughter has broken their trust which she doesn't I know its wrong to talk with na mehram but we haven't discussed any adult topic or and didn't cross our limits but now it is becoming difficult for us to maintain limits we are together from 4 years and love each other and that's why we want to engaged our selves in the relation by doing nikah but her parents are creating difficulties for us because it is quite clear to them that we are not giving away each other without any proper reason and excuse and they know that their is nothing so much wrong with me. I am afraid that they may harm their daughter because they are so much status conscious as her father said to my parent that what only matters for him is his reputation in the society in terms of status. I know that after the marriage you are not being so emotional with your partner and the issues does raise and you have fights but as I have mentioned that we both have very good understanding with each other so this understanding will help us to overcome such issues I am aware from all the realities of the real life but I feel like complete with her because she exactly know how to deal with me and what sort of person I am. I was going to nikkah with her but than I come to know you can’t do it until you have the permission of the father of the girl and I don’t want to do anything wrong and out of limit as I am aware from the fact that I will also become father and I am also a brother of a sister.
What should I do now suggest something for me in the light of Islam so that I can find peace.

[Rafeeq]

It is purely a social issue and Islam is nothibng to do with that. Except Islam allows both of you to get married on your own. But it will not be socially acceptable.

How can you say that in the age of just 20/21 that you know you will resolve every issue of life which will come out? I do believe she will also be of same age or even less. That is not but an emotional decesion. Try to concentrate on your studies. Stop meeting her and let her do the same. Both of you should complete your studies and than you will be mature enough to think the same issue in a more better prospective.

Moreover, I will suggest you to get hired on a reasonable position after compeleting your education whcih will help her parents reconsider your status issue. I do not say, you must earn such an amount, but once you will get a suitable job, her parents will be in position to reconsider your candidature for their daughter.

You are too young to take decesion, dear umairabid.

[umairabid]

It is purely a social issue and Islam is nothibng to do with that. Except Islam allows both of you to get married on your own. But it will not be socially acceptable.

How can you say that in the age of just 20/21 that you know you will resolve every issue of life which will come out? I do believe she will also be of same age or even less. That is not but an emotional decesion. Try to concentrate on your studies. Stop meeting her and let her do the same. Both of you should complete your studies and than you will be mature enough to think the same issue in a more better prospective.

Moreover, I will suggest you to get hired on a reasonable position after compeleting your education whcih will help her parents reconsider your status issue. I do not say, you must earn such an amount, but once you will get a suitable job, her parents will be in position to reconsider your candidature for their daughter.

You are too young to take decesion, dear umairabid.

How can you say that Islam has nothing to do with social issues my dear Islam is a universal religion you can not limit it to something everything is included in Islam as It gives guidance for every aspect of life.
Whoa! Hold on does any hadith and verse of the Quran has said that you can not engaged yourself through nikah to someone. I think you are making some mistake I guess because actually Allah has said in the Quran to get married as soon as you can bear the three basic expenses which are clothes food and shelter of you and your wife and Respected Sir if I am acting very emotionally than how do you except me to draw boundaries in my relationship and wait so that I can come close to my partner under the rules of Islam If I was supposed to b emotional than I may have done something which I didn't and yeah you are right as far as degrees are concerned but InshAllah I am moving forward very well to some strong position. How? I don't want to explain and my dear I said I want to do just nikah at this time not marriage you didn't pick my point I guess.

[aadil77]

Nikah is marriage - not some sort of engagement. Once you perform nikah you are married

You should explain your situation to an imam and see if he can speak to the family.

If her father does not agree theres is not much you can do, but according to other madhabs if the father is declining for unislamic reasons then the woman can get an imam to act as her wali instead. But this might not be a good option as it'll create alot of problems for her with her family and in islam you must not break family ties.

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[tigerkhan]

It is purely a social issue and Islam is nothibng to do with that

how dare u say this.....amazing....doesnt it mean that islam doesnot guide us in this matter of life....unblieveable...i blv islam has solution for every sigle pbm in our life. unless u just limit islam to only prayes, zakat, haj and rest u r free to do anything in any way u want...!!!

[umairabid]

how dare u say this.....amazing....doesnt it mean that islam doesnot guide us in this matter of life....unblieveable...i blv islam has solution for every sigle pbm in our life. unless u just limit islam to only prayes, zakat, haj and rest u r free to do anything in any way u want...!!!

Exactly I also forget my problem by reading his answer...
I don't think that he also understands what he is saying.....

[tigerkhan]

How can you say that Islam has nothing to do with social issues my dear Islam is a universal religion you can not limit it to something everything is included in Islam as It gives guidance for every aspect of life.
Whoa! Hold on does any hadith and verse of the Quran has said that you can not engaged yourself through nikah to someone. I think you are making some mistake I guess because actually Allah has said in the Quran to get married as soon as you can bear the three basic expenses which are clothes food and shelter of you and your wife and Respected Sir if I am acting very emotionally than how do you except me to draw boundaries in my relationship and wait so that I can come close to my partner under the rules of Islam If I was supposed to b emotional than I may have done something which I didn't and yeah you are right as far as degrees are concerned but InshAllah I am moving forward very well to some strong position. How? I don't want to explain and my dear I said I want to do just nikah at this time not marriage you didn't pick my point I guess.

oh my god...i just read it after i had post above lines.
yes if u follow islam tu ya pbm kabi na hota.....islam resolves this issue by hijab, no free mixing etc etc....u and she disobey ALLAH SWT and had make a mistake by developing this relation...and she also had done wrong...now jo ho gya, wo tu ho gya...ab mazez ghaltian karnay say acha ha...leave all this...u know pakistani culture...or tum Ibrahim AS ho nhe ka sari dunia or is numrodiat say takar lay sako..baqi ap ki marzi...forgive me if u mind my words.

[umairabid]

Nikah is marriage - not some sort of engagement. Once you perform nikah you are married You should explain your situation to an imam and see if he can speak to the family.

Actually i mean I want to bound myself in nikah but want to do the rukhsati after 3 years when she will complete her degree

[umairabid]

oh my god...i just read it after i had post above lines.
yes if u follow islam tu ya pbm kabi na hota.....islam resolves this issue by hijab, no free mixing etc etc....u and she disobey ALLAH SWT and had make a mistake by developing this relation...and she also had done wrong...now jo ho gya, wo tu ho gya...ab mazez ghaltian karnay say acha ha...leave all this...u know pakistani culture...or tum Ibrahim AS ho nhe ka sari dunia or is numrodiat say takar lay sako..baqi ap ki marzi...forgive me if u mind my words.

Dear I think you misunderstand something I think...Actually I was saying that we have maintained the boundaries till now and didn't cross it because we don't want to disobey Allah but now we want to come close and for that reason we informed our parents and want to do nikah so we can save our selves from sin. Actually I want to set an example for my generation that if you really love each other than you can come close according to Islam because Islam provides you the proper way you have to inform parents. That were my intensions

[tigerkhan]

I am aware from all the realities of the real life but I feel like complete with her

i am not saying that ur love is not true...but i have seen many boys and girls jin ka ya khayal tha ka hum ek dosary kay beghair nhe ji sekty....tugy zameen pay utara gya ha mery lia....but i see them that they had married with others and now living happy with their children....maybe kbi kbi un ko khiyal a jata ho kbi koi hota tha,,,,,, so dont ruin ur all life...just forget .... dunia ma or bi bht achay achay log han...hopefully u will be happy.

[umairabid]

I completely agree with that but my relation was not like first sight love it was our discussions and debate sessions which leads us to the decision that we should get marry as we can better understand each other

[Rafeeq]

Dear Brother umairabid & tigerkhan

I never said islam is not a religion which gives guidence to every aspect of life.

I am very sorry to say that, as I understood, you want an answer of your choice.

Let me clarify you once again, your question has two aspects, one social and other religious.

I already said which I am quoting here;

"Islam allows both of you to get married on your own." You are allowed to marry (NIKAH) but I further said, it will not be socially acceptable. Social issue is dominating in your problem. That was the reason I said, do not bring Islam here. Otherwise, Islam does not allow to have any kind of relation with opposite gender, even if you ensure you keep limits.

[tigerkhan]

we don't want to disobey Allah

Allah SWt says dont speak polite to non mehrams...talk whenever too necessary...dont see them...dont be alone with them... u had disobeyed.

Actually I want to set an example for my generation that if you really love each other than you can come close according to Islam because Islam provides you the proper way you have to inform parents. That were my intensions

dahko one thing is love and other is lust...love ki example ap ly lo...love of mather...she never wants kay us kay bathay ko dukh penchay...now u r in pak...u know for a girl , to have gup shup with some boy kitna bra musla bunta ha....how much she can suffer bcz of this... so in teen ages with low experinece u and she make a mistake...now if familys agree nhe tu let her safe from pbm by accepting family demands...agar waqai tum ko is say muhabat hay ha, try to make her compromise.....is like a mothers love. han agar lust ha, tu phr say her i will die for u, dont compromise...just bcz is ma tumhara mufad ha...mahabat to dosaray ki khusi or sukh kalia upni feeling qurban karnay k nam ha...

[umairabid]

Allah SWt says dont speak polite to non mehrams...talk whenever too necessary...dont see them...dont be alone with them... u had disobeyed.


dahko one thing is love and other is lust...love ki example ap ly lo...love of mather...she never wants kay us kay bathay ko dukh penchay...now u r in pak...u know for a girl , to have gup shup with some boy kitna bra musla bunta ha....how much she can suffer bcz of this... so in teen ages with low experinece u and she make a mistake...now if familys agree nhe tu let her safe from pbm by accepting family demands...agar waqai tum ko is say muhabat hay ha, try to make her compromise.....is like a mothers love. han agar lust ha, tu phr say her i will die for u, dont compromise...just bcz is ma tumhara mufad ha...mahabat to dosaray ki khusi or sukh kalia upni feeling qurban karnay k nam ha...

Afraid to say but you are...........

Let it go... Yes you are right

[tigerkhan]

Afraid to say but you are...........

guru.....love specialist....lol

[aadil77]

Actually i mean I want to bound myself in nikah but want to do the rukhsati after 3 years when she will complete her degree

what is 'rukhsati'? sounds like some hindu concept

[GuestFellow]

what is 'rukhsati'? sounds like some hindu concept

:sl:

Never heard of it myself. According to wiki:

Finally, the Rukhsati takes place, when the groom and his family will leave together with the bride. The Qur'an is normally held over the brides head as she walks from the stage to the exit in order to bless her. This is a somber occasion for the bride's parents as it marks the departure of their daughter from their home. The departure of the bride becomes a very emotional scene as she says farewell to the home of her parents and siblings to start a new married life.

Traditionally, the groom travels by a decorated horse to the bride's house and after the wedding ceremony takes his wife in a doli (palanquin) to his parents' house to live. The horse and the carts have now been replaced by cars, and in sharp contrast to western weddings, it is typically to see a quiet bride with wet eyes as she sits in the car beside her husband leaving for her new home.

^ Source

Difference between nikah and rukhsati?

^ This is the view of a scholar.

[mht]

Since your barrier is a barrier of oxy-moron. I suggest you speak to a shikh, as in someone who actually have iijza to give fatwas. Asking such question on a forum, in which there are many armatures (not saying everyone is, maybe there is someone qualified, lets get real, there is a difference between someone claiming and having proof.), may mislead you.

I don't know if its right, but the problem you are talking about is a problem of ignorance. And the cure for ignorance is knowledge. What you/or your prospect spouse can do is give some Islamic educational material to the father, that covers subjects such as picking a right spouse, Islam on social status, ext...... This is just my thought, but has no academic value; so i suggest you contact a shikh (which license to give fatwas).