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user12345
11-27-2010, 11:01 AM
Asalamu aleikum

I feel my life is too complicated, I can't please anybody, not even Allah swt. This is why I feel its better to end my life now than to continue on living and making more sins.

Here's my situation if some genius has an idea how to resolve it:

My father and I hate each other. Literally. He is extremely controlling, he's a dictator, and unfortunately he makes a lot of bad decisions. And unfortunately for me, I'm stuck to him. He had an accident a few years ago when he broke his leg. At the same time, his business completely stopped and there was no income going to the family. Not only that, but he throughout his business career accumulated a lot of debts to a lot of people. If I worked a normal job for 2 lifetimes, I wouldn't be able to pay it all back. So he has a lot of angry people after him and my family, and me, since I'm his oldest son.
I decided at that time, which was exactly 3 years ago, to try to help him to start his business while he recovers from his accident. This recovery was supposed to take a few months, but he kept focusing on trying to start the business again and neglected his leg, that till now, 3 years later, he is still in a wheelchair and his chance of recovery is very small, and if anything, it will take at least 6 months of intense therapy. Now, during these 3 years we've been able to alhamdulilah start the business again a bit, but just enough to feed the family. Unfortunately, during this time as well, one of the people he owes money to forced us both to sign a bunch of blank cheques, even though I had nothing to do with the business at that time they wanted my signature anyway, followed by which he sued us the next day. I had to leave my country and my family and everything I had ever known because of that, and so did he. So the last 3 years we worked were actually abroad, away from Muslims and our old lives. To make matters worse, he made working with him virtually impossible. He never shows any appreciation or gratitude for my work, he treats me very harshly almost like an animal in front of other people, he makes bad business decisions and any comments I make he takes as a son criticizing and disrespecting his father and says I'm going to hell.

Our father and son relationship has reached an all-time low as a result of us working together, we have reached the state of hating each other. At the same time, I can't leave him because he's in a wheelchair and has nobody in this country, and if I leave him to run his business himself, the family will not have anything to eat and will be on the street within a few months. So I can't stay with him and I can't be apart from him.

Alhamdulilah I never stopped salat or siyam or anything until now, but this situation and his attitude towards me and his constant accusations of being disrespectful to him are making me feel that all good is do is for nothing. At the same time I'm looking at how other people are living, and me being almost 30 and thinking about my own life and future, I don't have any hope of ever getting married, having a family, or having any kind of life except servitude to my father for the rest of my life and being treated like an animal during that time. I have never received a salary from him for my work for the last 3 years so I have nothing saved up and can't go anywhere. He controls everything in my life.

If anyone has a suggestion on how to proceed other than committing suicide, I would really appreciate it because I don't want to do it, but realistically I see that shaytan is already taking a strong hold it will not take long for him to take me down. I feel another heated argument with my father could result in me hurting myself badly. Personally, I don't think the smartest of all people could get out of this mess.

Wa salam
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Alpha Dude
11-27-2010, 12:26 PM
Wa alaykum salam,

Brother, suicide is haraam and one of the biggest sins you could commit. It is unforgivable, from what I understand (unless such a person has done it due to insanity/severe psychological problem etc). Please don't think of it as any kind of solution. You would only be going from the frying pan to the fire.

No matter what we are suffering in this world, it is infinitely better than being in hell for even one moment. May Allah save us all from such a fate, ameen.

I understand that your situation is horrible and will not try to make it sound like it's nothing. I accept, it is harsher than most people will ever experience in their own lives.

Allah is with the patient, brother. This is a reminder to myself first and foremost. When hardship strikes, we start by being angry/annoyed/upset but we should strive to remain patient and remind ourselves that we will one day stand before Allah. Allah says in Surah Baqarah: "And We will surely test you with something of fear and hunger and a loss of wealth and lives and fruits, but give good tidings to the patient" (155) "Who, when disaster strikes them, say, "Indeed we belong to Allah, and indeed to Him we will return." (156) "Those are the ones upon whom are blessings from their Lord and mercy. And it is those who are the [rightly] guided" (257).

So Allah has told us to be patient and keep our long term purpose in mind at time of hardship in order to gain the blessings of Allah.

Alhamdulilah I never stopped salat or siyam or anything until now, but this situation and his attitude towards me and his constant accusations of being disrespectful to him are making me feel that all good is do is for nothing.
I would say even normal people find it hard to stay consistent in being dutiful to Allah but with those who are suffering some long term hardship, they are likely to find it much more difficult to maintain consistency. The fact that you are able to do it, is a very good sign MashaAllah. You should not worry, all the good that you have done is very much valued in the sight of Allah. Do not pay attention to your father's acusations of disrespectfulness. If you are doing all that you can reasonably do to help him and you know in your heart that your intention is not to disrespect, then simply ignore his words. They may be our parents, but they are not flawless/infallible. They will make mistakes.

To be totally honest, I say in fact that you need to be firm with him. Sometimes people need bitter medicine in order to get them to change their ways. I'm not sayng shout/argue with him or anything like that, simply hold tough on your stance and don't budge unless necessary. Give him the silent treatment if you have to. Simply ignore any 'nonsense' he comes out with. If you do this initially, he may accuse you further of being disrespectful but after a few days/weeks, he might come round and realise that you are serious and inshaAllah he'll realise your worth.
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Alpha Dude
11-27-2010, 12:30 PM
:sl: Also make plenty of dua. The best time would be the last third of the night. Completely pour your heart out to Allah and ask him with firm conviction for each and every thing you desire for yourself and your loved ones. Humble yourself, be attentive toward Allah and plead him to help you out by bestowing guidance on your father and alleviating your money problems. It is important to believe that Allah WILL definitely help you, when you ask of him.

Do this consistently every single night and inshaAllah you'll see a change. Your connection with and trust/reliance on Allah will also increase, inshaAllah.
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tigerkhan
11-27-2010, 03:52 PM
:sl:
dear brother. i had read ur complete msg. relax brother. dont be hopeless from ALLAH SWT. i feel what difficult situation ur passing with. and obviuosly its v.difficult to get rid of such situations.
the soultion or advice words i can say in this situation is: brother yes, life has much harshness, and these harshness are for everyone, but here that matters how we can cover them. ppl are different in this sense. some are more sensitive. eg there are some parents who are sensitive about their children and i see many ppl who passed all their life in tension and depreesion bcz of the career pbm of their children or marrige pbm of their daughter etc. so thinking much and taking tension in matters in which we are not directly involved, and cant do anything, is useless.
after too much thinking, the solution to me is, go with every matter, relation, pbm... everything of this life as just for the sake of ALLAH SWT. blv i dont love anything in this world but just for the sake of ALLAH ...wallah even not my father and mother. i got this key of happiness that never expect from anyone in ur life. dont expect ur father anythig, what ever he do, just reply with what ALLAH SWT want from U.
my brotherly advise to u is, bro dont think of sucide or else. ALLAH and Prophet PBUH are only who care us, so just live for sake of them. Ask some advise from a knowledge person, authentic scholar, and dont bother urself with what ur are not supposed from do from ALLAH SWT. i mean if ur father has loan and he cannot pay it, i dont think islamically its ur duty to pay it. so ask form some scholar that what are ur reponsibilities islamically in this situation. i mean ALLAH SWT dont put that burdan on us that we can pick. so ISLAM is just easy, and its to resolve all pbm in our life and make it easy. try to learn it more, AHD u do salat and zakat, but islam is not just limited to it. it guide us in every aspect of life. and for business there is too much guidance. learn islam and strenth ur EMAAN, once u have the pbm of Ahraa in front of u, then u will not be weaken by these small worlrdly problems, and u will be not that much stressed with them insh. ALLAH SWt is raziq and this life is temporary so first thing be wid a good hope HIM bcz there is easyness after every difficulty. and second see its just few days, no matter if they passed in not that luxury, but if our Ahrra will be good, its forever.
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جوري
11-27-2010, 05:05 PM
Isn't it better to start a new life somewhere than to commit suicide -- the difficulty one one is as complicated as the other.. pack up your bag and leave to some other place and start anew -- you are able to work and have a head on your shoulder, that is all you need to stand on your own two feet. Get your resume ready, work to fix certain weaknesses and then send your resume every where, work, get paid and move out, marry, live, love and move on with your life-- death is always on everyone's mind and it will happen when it will.. if you are reaching out today it tells me that you still value the gift of life, you just don't realize that we're the lucky one.. no matter how crap things get here (and believe me it isn't so bad, even servitude to your father is better than being captured by the enemy, stripped of your clothes and dignity, humiliated and tortured on daily basis) our brothers and sisters who are imprisoned falsely and tortured carry faith and hope, there is no reason you shouldn't either .......
let these events shape your character and learn something from them, every bad situation teaches you something about yourself..

:w:
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tango92
11-27-2010, 05:17 PM
look for oppurtunity in this situation, as bro bedouin mentioned you need to take more control.

I can only advise you what i would do myself. properly research islam into allowances made for your situation in regards to your father and push it to the limit. what you want is to ultimately take almost full control of the business if your father is really that bad. you dont always have to listen to your parents if they make you do unislamic things, SEARCH for where he is making decisions out of islam and capitalise on it.
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Ummu Sufyaan
11-28-2010, 08:05 AM
wa alaykum us-salaam

death seems the easy way out of everything, but we dont know what awaits us on the other side of that. we could have a worse off life than the one we have now.

its not easy to realize the importance of good health. in reality you would really hate to die because death isn't something to take lightly. if you are put in a situation where your life was at stake, wouldn't you want to hold on to your life with every last straw your could possibly grasp. you only have one shot at life.

just make dua that allah eases your hardships and gives you the patience to deal with them.
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Woodrow
11-28-2010, 08:40 AM
:sl:

First and foremost, suicide is not the end of pain, it is the first day of never ending eternal pain. Do not think for one second suicide is a means to end pain. Just the opposite is true, it is the method to guarantee your pain will never end.

Now to look at the lesser problem. Yes, you are living a horrific, nearly unbearable life. But this life did not occur overnight. It took years to set the events in motion and a number of bad decisions. It took a long time for you to get into today's stress, do not expect a cure to take effect instantly. First constantly make Du'a asking for the sabr to hold you through the time it will take for this problem to heal. Sit down and makes plans to see where you want to be and what it will take to makes this happen. Be honest and truthful to yourself. Look for what is within you that helps contribute to this pain and make Du'a for guidance in removing those things from your life. Next Make Du'a for guidance in learning how to use the misjudgments of others as a means of helping them see their errors. This is enough to open the doors for finding a solution. You have multiple hardships do not expect them all to be removed at one time. Be thankful for the removal of even the smallest hardship and give praise to Allaah(swt) for giving you a chance to see his mercy.

You have a very hard road in front of you, but look back at how you have survived the road you have so far traveled. Make use of what you have learned that helped you to survive to this point and always remember if you survived it this long you certainly can survive it for one more second, probably for one more day and with a good degree of assurance for one more week. If you take life for just one moment at a time, you will find you can plan on means to survive for the next moment.

Do not let past hardships become the reason to think you can not survive. Use the lessons of how you survived the past to give you knowledge to survive the future. Decide to survive and make Du'a to ask for guidance in how to take control of the future by turning the future over to Allaa(swt) he can handle your life better than you can.

:wa:
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roohani.doctor
11-29-2010, 12:03 AM
this life is not easy, but by committing suicide you will make this temporary pain a million times worse, so suicide is not the answer. I dont have an easy answer for you, as there is no easy way out. You have to believe that somewhere down the road, you will be rewarded for your hardwork and pain. Please dont contemplate suicide, as it is not the answer you are looking for.

I sincerely pray for you and inshallah, soon your prayers will be answered.
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