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Cakbatter
02-27-2011, 10:38 AM
This is the one question I ask to scholars, Muslims, etc. No one ever gives me a straight answer to this, they always come up with the usual:

"Everyone is beautiful to Allah"

While this may be true, why is it that good looking Muslims have much easier life than ugly Muslims.

I am a physically unattractive Muslim. My friend from Iraq, he is Muslim, and handsome. He gets treated by people differently than I do, he is desired by women, while women say "eww" when they see me.

I can understand that a kafir or unbeliever who is good looking, is in a worse position than me. I can understand that and respect that.

But what I dont understand is, why does Allah make some Muslim men handsome like Yusuf and The Prophet Muhammad. Also I have a few handsome friends. THEY DO NOT COMMIT ADULTERY. They are complimented by women here in the USA, they reject the women and smile but say thank you. THEY FEEL DESIRED AND HAPPY.

Me and my Iraqi friend went to a dance night club one time (I know, haram, I did not do it again)

But anyways, all the women danced with him and even tried kissing him, being so nice to him etc. He was so happy after the club.

Me on the other hand, I couldn't even get a dance, a girl called me "ewww" and I was completely ignored and rejected the whole night.

Why does Allah make some people handsome and others ugly? It may be true, that my good looking Muslim friends are not getting these women anyway because they are rejecting them for the sake of Allah, but they still get the validation that they are attractive, that people like them, I will never get this.

So please, answer my main question, I will put it in bold here:

Why does Allah make some Muslims physically attractive and other Muslims not?
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needtorepent
02-27-2011, 07:20 PM
This is a good question. Allahu a3lam, but the way I see it, Allah has created everyone with different gifts. We do not all have the same gifts. Similarly, Allah tests us all, but in different ways. Allah will test each of us in many ways, but sometimes Allah tests us about the things we have strengths in, to see if we use our strengths in the right ways (for example, attractiveness, intelligence, etc). Allah may also test us about the things we have weaknesses in to see how patient we are (for example, different types of losses, such as death of a loved one, financial difficulties, etc). This isn't anything official, just my thoughts and pondering on this topic.
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Hannah.
02-27-2011, 08:34 PM
Salaam brother,
First of all, Allah (swt) hasn't made anyone or anything ugly. Whatever He creates is of utmost perfection.

Second, if you feel you're a bit ugly.. then try thinking about those living without the beauties of the face; the eyes, nose, ears and mouth. How do you think they feel? Some have burnt faces, others have severe medical problems as well.

Third, remember this is a test. Allah (swt) can test you in every possible way, and in this case being physically attractive or not.. so next time you look in the mirror, recite this dua:
اللَّهُمَّ أَنْتَ حَسَّنْتَ خَلْقِي فَحَسِّنْ خُلُقِي
"O Allah, just as You have made my external features beautiful, make my character beautiful as well".

(Hisnul Hasin)
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Cabdullahi
02-27-2011, 08:54 PM
Originally Posted by Cakbatter
This is the one question I ask to scholars, Muslims, etc. No one ever gives me a straight answer to this, they always come up with the usual:

"Everyone is beautiful to Allah"

While this may be true, why is it that good looking Muslims have much easier life than ugly Muslims.

I am a physically unattractive Muslim. My friend from Iraq, he is Muslim, and handsome. He gets treated by people differently than I do, he is desired by women, while women say "eww" when they see me.

I can understand that a kafir or unbeliever who is good looking, is in a worse position than me. I can understand that and respect that.

But what I dont understand is, why does Allah make some Muslim men handsome like Yusuf and The Prophet Muhammad. Also I have a few handsome friends. THEY DO NOT COMMIT ADULTERY. They are complimented by women here in the USA, they reject the women and smile but say thank you. THEY FEEL DESIRED AND HAPPY.

Me and my Iraqi friend went to a dance night club one time (I know, haram, I did not do it again)

But anyways, all the women danced with him and even tried kissing him, being so nice to him etc. He was so happy after the club.

Me on the other hand, I couldn't even get a dance, a girl called me "ewww" and I was completely ignored and rejected the whole night.

Why does Allah make some people handsome and others ugly? It may be true, that my good looking Muslim friends are not getting these women anyway because they are rejecting them for the sake of Allah, but they still get the validation that they are attractive, that people like them, I will never get this.

So please, answer my main question, I will put it in bold here:

Why does Allah make some Muslims physically attractive and other Muslims not?
I dont have the necessary knowledge to answer your main question but i just want to say this to you..... get the women out of your brain..forget what they think


What is better? feeling desired and wanted by the girls or Allah being happy with you.


fighting temptation is one thing...fighting temptation when being coerced is another

consider yourself to be lucky!
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CosmicPathos
02-27-2011, 09:01 PM
You know that going to the club was haram but you still want to be desired by people?

Your Iraqi friend who is being desired by these women for his looks, when he gets bald or something happens to his beauty, these very women will say "eww" to him. Do you want to be desired by such filthy women?
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- Qatada -
02-27-2011, 10:04 PM
Some Muslims are more beautiful but poorer than a less attractive Muslim. Some have more health than others.


All good and bad is a test - will you be obedient to Allah with that blessing/trial?
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Flame of Hope
02-28-2011, 06:48 AM
Originally Posted by Cakbatter
Why does Allah make some people handsome and others ugly? It may be true, that my good looking Muslim friends are not getting these women anyway because they are rejecting them for the sake of Allah, but they still get the validation that they are attractive, that people like them, I will never get this.
Appearances can be deceptive, brother Cakbatter. What Allah bestows upon some people as blessings turn out to be curses instead. In general, the people who are underprivileged, poor, disabled, unattractive on the contrary are far more blessed.

Think about the incident you just related. You and your handsome Iraqi friend went to the club. Because your friend was handsome, the women went to him. You think there was good in that? Absolutely not! Do you not see how easy it was for your friend to fall into the trap of fornication and sin? And think about yourself. Women stayed away from you because of your looks. It turned out to be a blessing, don't you see? It kept you safe from sin.

By the way, I was wondering if you have ever read the story of Julaybib? I found it most inspiring: http://theclearsunnah.wordpress.com/...y-of-julaybib/
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Flame of Hope
02-28-2011, 06:53 AM
The beautiful story of Julaybib you can watch here, brother. :)

]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SdJBgIkawPg
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abjad
03-01-2011, 07:17 AM
wa aleykum salaam

am not answering that in bold
but take the case

of...rotten items...especially at the garbage yard..

find out for yourself. what kind of insects are attracted by that Filthy smell(felt by muslim :devoted:)

and how many {attracted by that?{
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abjad
03-01-2011, 07:20 AM
Thank you for posting! Your post will not be visible until a moderator has approved it for posting.
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Huzzy_786
03-02-2011, 07:59 PM
Well in my opinion i feel, that in the eyes of allah everyone is equal and this life is just a trail, were only going to be here for a few years but the hear after is ever lasting. Your friend might enjoy this life, but if he fails in the hear after he wont be getting the hoor's (women of jannah)


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truthseeker63
03-03-2011, 12:19 AM
I have no idea why.
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tigerkhan
03-03-2011, 01:31 PM
Originally Posted by truthseeker63
I have no idea why.
but i have...
actually the reason is "the world is a place of test....so every one here is being tested, some are tested in beauty, some in richness, some in health, some in disease...etc etc
and to OP, bro let c ur question logically, u know there is difference among the ppl. like some are rich and some are poor, so the system is running. if u say all should be rich, then no1 like to be a worker, cleaner etc....so system cant work...same in the sense u think some is given outlook which seems a bit attracting, but u think if all would be given same outlook how can we recognize each other.....and remember all this is temporary, u think its a exam and is this exam we are given these things as paper and pin in worldly exams. soon the paper will end, all these thing should be taken from us and with only our deeds we move to ahhra. so strength ur eman and ALLAH SWT will reward u wid forever beauty in janah isnh.
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Huzzy_786
03-03-2011, 03:40 PM
Originally Posted by truthseeker63
I have no idea why.
This is why i am here to help ;)
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Samiro
03-03-2011, 10:47 PM
Ugly and pretty are entirely subjective. It could be that someone considered ugly now, was a stud 100 years ago or somewhere else in the world. Try to be content with the looks you have and keep in mind that good looks does not necessarily bring happiness.
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Flame of Hope
03-04-2011, 09:40 PM
The ugly ones are more fortunate if they only knew.
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Reflections
03-05-2011, 05:30 PM
Allah does not look at your outer features and how much wealth you have, rather He looks at your heart and how much sincerity you have, how much a3maal (deeds) you have done soley for His sake and how much Emaan you have.

Looks are merely a dunyawi thing...think of it this way...When someone dies...theres no ugly or pretty then...its just the remains of bones and dust left of them...life is too short to be thinking of how ugly you might think Allah has made you, rather we should spend time in beautifying our charecter with Islam and the Love of Allah...advice for myself first before anyone else.

May Allah bless you all, Allahoma ameen.

AsSalaamu Aalaykum WarahmatAllah wabarakatuh
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Woodrow
03-07-2011, 03:35 AM
:sl:

I assume the OP is speaking of physical appearance. I think we all have our own concepts as to what is physically attractive or ugly. What is attractive to me could very well be ugly to somebody else.

Since we all have different ideas as to what we see as ugly or attractive it just may be a necessity that there be a wide range in the appearances of people.
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IbrahimKhan
03-07-2011, 10:06 AM
My dear, Every one has been sent in this world for examination. As you must have listened that Allah examines you by taking and by giving. You are just checked that how much you are thankful to Him in every condition. If you have unattractive look that means Allah is examining you either you are thankful to Him or not. If you are thankful to Him then you will be considered better near Allah as compare to beautiful people who do not obey Him.
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Human_Being
03-14-2011, 08:26 PM
Originally Posted by Flame
Appearances can be deceptive, brother Cakbatter. What Allah bestows upon some people as blessings turn out to be curses instead. In general, the people who are underprivileged, poor, disabled, unattractive on the contrary are far more blessed.

Think about the incident you just related. You and your handsome Iraqi friend went to the club. Because your friend was handsome, the women went to him. You think there was good in that? Absolutely not! Do you not see how easy it was for your friend to fall into the trap of fornication and sin? And think about yourself. Women stayed away from you because of your looks. It turned out to be a blessing, don't you see? It kept you safe from sin.

By the way, I was wondering if you have ever read the story of Julaybib? I found it most inspiring:
I'd give you rep sis but I don't hav a big enough post count. It's totally a blessing, and the best people don't care what you look like!
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presa1200
03-16-2011, 04:20 PM
Originally Posted by Cakbatter
Why does Allah make some Muslims physically attractive and other Muslims not?
Salaam brother, this is the very reason i stumbled across Islamicboard. i'm also an unattractive muslim, i used to be so depressed and even envious of other beautiful men. i couldn't help myself with it until my friend told me it's not good to feel jealous of others. Allah has made every life a test and we must be patient with it.

Also I have a few handsome friends. THEY DO NOT COMMIT ADULTERY. They are complimented by women here in the USA, they reject the women and smile but say thank you. THEY FEEL DESIRED AND HAPPY.
brother, please consider this hadeeth:

The Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) said: "The similitude of the people of this Ummah is like four individual. One whom Allah has given wealth and knowledge, so he handles his wealth with the knowledge. One whom Allah has given knowledge but not wealth and he says, 'Lord, should I have wealth like so-and-so I would have handled it like him.' So they both have the same reward. Such a person loves to have wealth like others so he can do good like others without wishing that the others lose their wealth. Another man, Allah has given him wealth but no knowledge and he spends his wealth in disobedience to Allah. And last, a man whom Allah has not given knowledge nor wealth but he says, 'Should I have wealth like so-and-so, I would spend it in the way he does.' So, both will have the same sin against them." [at-Tirmidhee and Ibn Majah]
although the hadeeth speaks about wealth and knowledge but i think the same could be applied on physical beauty as well. many people get married because they want to marry, but how many of them are doing so for the sake of Allah and prophet? you see, everyone can get married but his aim is very important in order to win Allah's favor. yes, it's true that your friends are handsome and obedient but you can also wish that Allah gives you beauty so that you can easily find a spouse and build a happy family to live in accordance with the sunnah of our beloved prophet. if you make a good wish, you will be rewarded equally like those beautiful men.

i'm not well versed in English but i certainly hope that you can get the drift what i'm trying to say. thank you and salaam.
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Faatin
03-16-2011, 09:29 PM
First things first, as many say "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" To one person someone may be hideously ugly looking but to another they may look beautiful, stunning etc etc etc!But I wonder the weakness that Allah tests you with, and if you pass his test he will replace that weakness with an amazing strength in the hereafter. For instance if you consider yourself to look ugly (I hate this term :/) but you are still thankful to Allah for what he gave you and worship him gratefully maybe in the hereafter he will make you be one of the most handsomest. But then I heard that everyone looks alike or something in heaven, I never got around to researching this..I shall go do that:?
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Ğħαrєєвαħ
03-16-2011, 10:44 PM
Originally Posted by Cakbatter
This is the one question I ask to scholars, Muslims, etc. No one ever gives me a straight answer to this, they always come up with the usual:

"Everyone is beautiful to Allah"

While this may be true, why is it that good looking Muslims have much easier life than ugly Muslims.

I am a physically unattractive Muslim. My friend from Iraq, he is Muslim, and handsome. He gets treated by people differently than I do, he is desired by women, while women say "eww" when they see me.

I can understand that a kafir or unbeliever who is good looking, is in a worse position than me. I can understand that and respect that.

But what I dont understand is, why does Allah make some Muslim men handsome like Yusuf and The Prophet Muhammad. Also I have a few handsome friends. THEY DO NOT COMMIT ADULTERY. They are complimented by women here in the USA, they reject the women and smile but say thank you. THEY FEEL DESIRED AND HAPPY.

Me and my Iraqi friend went to a dance night club one time (I know, haram, I did not do it again)

But anyways, all the women danced with him and even tried kissing him, being so nice to him etc. He was so happy after the club.

Me on the other hand, I couldn't even get a dance, a girl called me "ewww" and I was completely ignored and rejected the whole night.

Why does Allah make some people handsome and others ugly? It may be true, that my good looking Muslim friends are not getting these women anyway because they are rejecting them for the sake of Allah, but they still get the validation that they are attractive, that people like them, I will never get this.

So please, answer my main question, I will put it in bold here:

Why does Allah make some Muslims physically attractive and other Muslims not?
Assalaamu Alaaykum


Okay firstly i would like to say you have recieved really good advice from the brothers and sisters so far.

And secondly good looks arent always the way to attraction or success as they call in todays world or your world. in real the person may be good looking from the outside but actually really ugly from the inside, e.g. they might hate helping out, only care about themselves, have hate for people who they dont know without knowing them for many reasons etc etc you get the point insha'Allaah

But i do not mean that all people who are good looking are this way, vice versa for those who may not have the 'good looks' as you said. I know it can be hard to accept this, but you have to accept who you are, thinking about it will only make it worse, many times sadly there are some who resort to suicide.

Your Iraqi friend just might have the looks to please the girls, but do you think hes using them in the right way? Does he fear Allaah? Allaah has the power to do anything, he can take away his looks. Its like saying to a sister wear the Hijaab but in the right way, the right way is meaning 'cover' the hair and not show the hair. Shes basically wearing the Hijaab for her own desires if showing the hair, because there is no other reason she would show her hair , either for herself or someone else, its wrong if shes intending to wear the actual 'Hijaab' prescribed by the prophet SAW but has half of her hair showing with make up, etc, but you cant really judge because there are women who dont know may not be muslim and maybe wearing the 'scarf' in a fashionable way or may not be fully aware either way we are not to judge. In other words what i am trying to say, it is between Allaah and that individual, Allaah will judge that person through his actions not his appearance and also what intentions he may have. Seriously are you giving up? Do you feel when Allaah swt said ask him for help and he said he will help you, does that not ease your situation, comfort you inside? I feel this is something to do with not getting girls around you? If so, your answer is having patience, asking Allaah with Ikhlaas-Sincerety. Has he not promised he listend to your prayers? Asking him to grant you a wife who loves you not for your looks but for you being yourself and not some person Allaah didnt create!, But someone Allaah your lord created for a reason.

Okay i quote you "Me on the other hand, I couldn't even get a dance, a girl called me "ewww" and I was completely ignored and rejected the whole night."

It seems you were either jelous of your friend, is this way a muslim should be towards his brother? If not, either your hanging out with the wrong person. That is why our beloved prophet sallaahu alaayhi wa salam taught us to hang out with those who are devoted to their deen or are atleast trying to get closer to Allaah, it is these little things that take us into disbelieve or doubt. The brothers you mentioned who when are complimented by some girls and then say thankyou and feel happy, this is because it is natural, it is not something out of their nature. This is also why freemixing environments arent allowed in Islaam. You should be aware it is wrong in some way, whether they have girls coming up to them and not to you,

Also about the girls saying eww to you, what??? What kind of women with shame would go hang around with strange men who they have no relation to? What right has she to say anything to anyone in the first place she doesnt know, yep your right, no right! or any of the women who you mentioned. It is a bad character in a women.

I hope i helped a little bit insha'Allaah and that Allaah grant you happiness in this dunya and the herafter Ameen

I apologise if i have sounded harsh, i have indeed not intented to.


.. peace ..
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Qasid
03-25-2011, 11:07 PM
When you think about bad things about yourself or anyone thin of all the good qaulities about yourself or the other person.
Also allah(swt) has created you to worship him and not to worry about what other people think of you only allah can judge you. Once you have this impact in your heart what ever god has instored in you you will come across, and that just might be a wife for you. Inshallah
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Woodrow
03-26-2011, 06:58 PM
I wonder if there really is such a thing as ugly or good looking? What is the criteria for either? What determines which is which? If you every watch a baby you may notice the baby sees his/her parents as being the most beautiful of humans, no matter what the rest of the world thinks. Perhaps the ideas of beauty and ugly are things that are taught and learned. Perhaps neither exists except in the teaching of the culture we live in.

What if there was/is an absolute standard for beauty and that to be handsome/beautiful under that standard we all should look like Quasimodo?

Who knows, perhaps one day the fashion world will dictate that the Quasimodo look is the epitome of good looks.

Omnia Vanitas ("All is Vanity")
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sherz_umr
03-26-2011, 07:42 PM
i know how u feel, its nt easy. I undrstnd hw painful it is wn ppl are so mean. Their callousnes is shocking. Im just 4ft 9in.yea,nt evn 5,nd fat..im stil cld funy names. If i wr u i wouldnt even want to be in the same continent as the horible mean woman who said !eww' on ur face! Its natural to fl sad/envious etc..bt plz dont dwel on it.
Hope these helps. few egs:
*we had a senior girl in colege, shes tall,fair, amazingly beautiful..on top of tht she was briliant n hr studies..but people who wr close to her and others absolutly hated her. Nt coz of jealousy,bt coz shes an arognt,dominating bully. Ppl feared her.
*we hd this sir..intellgnt,quiet,serious and vry hlpful. He hd a wndrful personality..bt scord realy realy les n the luks dptmnt.
Bt EVERYBODY luvd and respctd hm. Nobdy evn botherd abt hs luks.
If ths makes u feel any better, smart sensible women always prefr intelignt charming men. Some peopl are just so nice,u jus cant hlp likin them.

What u can do? Develop ur mind,personality and be the best u can be.. Thr r lots of beauty stufs availabl,u cud go to the gym..b fit and healthy..

Pray..Allah will giv u the rite grl.
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Muhammad Aseem
03-28-2011, 05:34 AM
This may come across as shallow.

The reason people think others to be ugly is because we have seen so many images of the ideal woman / man (think miss universe, miss world, mr america, etc etc) By being bombarded with constant images of what a handsome man looks like or a gorgeous woman looks like we think anyone who does not look like that is ugly.

Though Allah created you a certain way - however - it is you who have led yourself to think bad about yourself. The way people see you, is the way you see yourself. If your self-esteem was higher, and you thought higher of yourself you would probably not have noticed that woman saying anything bad to you.

My sincere suggestion is to increase your selfesteem.
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Cakbatter
04-02-2011, 07:59 PM
Its not fair. I am treated like crap because of the way I look. I am a Muslim male with an ugly face and I am done seeing all my Muslim friends at the masjid treated nicer by American girls in school because of the way they look. I'm sick of it, I'm done, I have had enough, I will raise money to fix my face and change the terrible fate I received from who ever gave it to me. Whether it was a genetic error, or the sake of Allah, I cant live depressed like this anymore! I'm done with this rejection from Western Society because of my weak ugly face. I know it is haram, but how can Allah make some Muslims an easier happy lives and me not? Its not fair, Allah said everyone is created equal like that of a comb, but this is not true in American society! Handsome Muslim men are treated and praised better, and for anyone on here who wants to deny it, you are lying to yourselves, which is a huge haram.
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Ğħαrєєвαħ
04-02-2011, 10:00 PM
Originally Posted by Cakbatter
Its not fair. I am treated like crap because of the way I look. I am a Muslim male with an ugly face and I am done seeing all my Muslim friends at the masjid treated nicer by American girls in school because of the way they look. I'm sick of it, I'm done, I have had enough, I will raise money to fix my face and change the terrible fate I received from who ever gave it to me. Whether it was a genetic error, or the sake of Allah, I cant live depressed like this anymore! I'm done with this rejection from Western Society because of my weak ugly face. I know it is haram, but how can Allah make some Muslims an easier happy lives and me not? Its not fair, Allah said everyone is created equal like that of a comb, but this is not true in American society! Handsome Muslim men are treated and praised better, and for anyone on here who wants to deny it, you are lying to yourselves, which is a huge haram.
Assalaamu Alaaykum

Okay you know its haram yet you will to continue because you think your going to feel more pleased? do you only care about this life? Forgotten about the hereafter? trust me you will regret if if you do. You'll be even more depressed! if thats what you want then do what you will, but then keep in mind Allaah is severe in punishment, since you know Allaah forbade something yet you still do so to please the shaytaan. Fear Allaah as he is the one who is to be feared only and stay away from your own desires that will only lead you to more destruction and pain. Do not harm that which does not belong to you, you belong to Allaah, so look after yourself the way you are.

You say it like your the only one, realise you live in a huge world, and that your not the only world who is in it suffering, and those who are suffering for the sake of Allaah, some will pass and some will fail..In Jannah you will be given what you want for definete, and guess what its eternal! Allaah promises you, so put your trust in him..

peace
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Aztec-Revert19
04-03-2011, 01:04 AM
Salaam alykum. We should not be looking for people only for looks. Isn't the best thing to look for in a spouse, is their iman? Their Faith? Their Piety?
Looks matter little to Allah (swt) one would think. What matters is not the physical beauty, but the beauty of the heart. Maybe you are looking it at the wrong way. A lot of beautiful people where I live commit zina. The "unattractive" ones tend to be more modest in dress, and more modest in manners. I think I would rather be unattractive than beautiful physically on the day of Judgment if that were the case!
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Flame of Hope
04-03-2011, 01:31 AM
Originally Posted by Cakbatter
Its not fair. I am treated like crap because of the way I look. I am a Muslim male with an ugly face and I am done seeing all my Muslim friends at the masjid treated nicer by American girls in school because of the way they look. I'm sick of it, I'm done, I have had enough, I will raise money to fix my face and change the terrible fate I received from who ever gave it to me. Whether it was a genetic error, or the sake of Allah, I cant live depressed like this anymore! I'm done with this rejection from Western Society because of my weak ugly face. I know it is haram, but how can Allah make some Muslims an easier happy lives and me not? Its not fair, Allah said everyone is created equal like that of a comb, but this is not true in American society! Handsome Muslim men are treated and praised better, and for anyone on here who wants to deny it, you are lying to yourselves, which is a huge haram.
Beware of envy. It's poison and will destroy you.
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qurantour.com
04-03-2011, 07:09 AM
thankyou!! very much!
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إحسان
04-17-2011, 03:12 PM
May I say, this question and your outlook on life is extremely shallow and superficial; it actually makes me cringe.

Why can't you be satisified that you can see, hear, eat properly, feel and as well as not being affected with any illness or such?

Reading your comments OP, you seem really jealous and envious of your friends. Just because they're better looking, you want to be like them too? And who cares about those girls at your school? Like seriously are you going to know them, 10-20 years down the line? No. So why care? Just say Alhemdulilah for what you have. Don't let bad thoughts go round in your mind. Honestly. I just hope you come to see that beauty does not mean happiness. Only faith and obeying Allah can grant you happiness.
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Riana17
05-23-2011, 10:47 AM
you made me smile hehe

before i forget!!! SALAM BROTHER!!!!

in my personal view, your problem is nothing
to make it easier for you to understand me, the truth is that a WOMAN never look at how men's personal appearance.. at first yes she will haha, I mean who doesnt like to see a beautiful looking people???

but if you will ask women, Muslim or non Muslim, she normally looks for stable man, funny guy, etc , very less will tell you she's looking for Adonis

Let me tell u, I am Asian and my nose is flat, when people teases me when i was young, i used to think i will make operation and so on (but inside me i have fear of doing this :exhausted)
then i realizes i have soo much scars in legs, and darker knees etc... the observation never ends!

Later on, I observed that many people liked me over the beauties when im growing up bcoz i am positive and cheerful, I am alive!

despite this i met a handsome husband ;D
later i discussed this to him and he told me, I look at your heart not your outside appearance :statisfie:statisfie:statisfie, and indeed we are very happy couple, The Ugly (me) and the Best (my husband :shade:)

Now that I am a Muslim, I understand fully why :) and i wont change anything in my appearance, bcoz it is not necessary

so pls dont tell me i dont know what i am talking about!!! and pls dont ever think to go under the knife etc or it will be an addiction and you will never be happy...

your brothers and sisters are here for you, until you overcome this, inshallah
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Ğħαrєєвαħ
05-26-2011, 09:23 AM
^Agreed...

Allaah looks at the heart and not the looks..but remember this life is not worth it when in the next you can recieve what you want/like. So if yougo through plastic surgery and what not then trust me even that wont make you happy, the only thing is you will become a people pleaser and not pleasing Allaah. It will decrease your faith.

Lets look at this way, by getting plastic surgery you will turn out looking like someone you are really not, but in the hereafter you will look beautiful if thats what you want, but if you fulfill it in this life with fakeness i.e.something that isnt real, can you cope with that? then no need for it in the hereafter, you disobeyed Allaah here, do you think he will be pleased? Then that means you wont get it in the akhiraah..
Reply

Cakbatter
06-06-2011, 01:54 AM
Originally Posted by Riana17
you made me smile hehe

before i forget!!! SALAM BROTHER!!!!

in my personal view, your problem is nothing
to make it easier for you to understand me, the truth is that a WOMAN never look at how men's personal appearance.. at first yes she will haha, I mean who doesnt like to see a beautiful looking people???

but if you will ask women, Muslim or non Muslim, she normally looks for stable man, funny guy, etc , very less will tell you she's looking for Adonis

Let me tell u, I am Asian and my nose is flat, when people teases me when i was young, i used to think i will make operation and so on (but inside me i have fear of doing this :exhausted)
then i realizes i have soo much scars in legs, and darker knees etc... the observation never ends!

Later on, I observed that many people liked me over the beauties when im growing up bcoz i am positive and cheerful, I am alive!

despite this i met a handsome husband ;D
later i discussed this to him and he told me, I look at your heart not your outside appearance :statisfie:statisfie:statisfie, and indeed we are very happy couple, The Ugly (me) and the Best (my husband :shade:)

Now that I am a Muslim, I understand fully why :) and i wont change anything in my appearance, bcoz it is not necessary

so pls dont tell me i dont know what i am talking about!!! and pls dont ever think to go under the knife etc or it will be an addiction and you will never be happy...

your brothers and sisters are here for you, until you overcome this, inshallah
I am sorry sister, I realize your a muslim sister, but you "DISGUST ME". You are a liar. You are lying to yourself and to everyone around you, YOU KNOW, YOU KNOW, YOU KNOW, deep down that women base a man for his LOOKS. I dont know where you are from, if you live in a different country and it is this way, I apologize to you, but I assume you are speaking in regards to Western Society, if you are, you know that women base their attraction on LOOKS and LOOKS alone. Not only this, but it is proven in science that better looking people are treated better than others. So please sister, do not come on this board lying to people telling them "WOMEN LOOK AT CHARACTER, NOT HOW A MAN LOOKS" This is the biggest lie I have ever heard, one time I tried to ask a girl to help me for an interning job, she told me "ewwwww, no not you" How do you think this makes me feel sister? I thought LOOKS DIDNT MATTER ACCORDING TO YOU? Another time a girl in a coffee shop when I was pouring sugar, she bumped into me and I said "excuse me" she told me "You should be" and she gave me a nasty look. Meanwhile, my handsome muslim friends are doing well for themselves, happy and all. Stop lying to others please! If you want me to forgive you, I want you to publicly post on this forum "WOMEN DO JUDGE A MAN BY HIS LOOKS" That way you will be telling the truth a sister, and not commiting haram and telling a lie. In fact, you contradicted yourself, you said "I JUDGE A MAN BY HIS CHARACTER" Then later in your paragraph you said "I ENDED UP WITH A HANDSOME MAN!" HARAM, HARAM, HARAM ALEIK!
Reply

إحسان
06-14-2011, 01:04 PM
^ First, I'd suggest you calm the heck down.
Secondly, the sister you quoted was merely giving her personal view, she said so herself near the beginning of her post.

"WOMEN DO JUDGE A MAN BY HIS LOOKS" - I'd suggest you to stop generalising... Everyone in this whole world is different. Especially in ones appearance and personality.
People's opinions differ with one another, thus the infamous quote, 'beauty is in the eyes of the beholder', meaning beauty is SUBJECTIVE.

'in regards to Western Society, if you are, you know that women base their attraction on LOOKS and LOOKS alone.'

Excuse me? You could have at least said 'some' women... It is not Western society as a whole but the Western Media that are superficial and shallow.
But to say every single women is in someway or another is a LIE in itself.

And anyways, stop sulking and just focus on perfecting your deen and strengthening your iman, and try stop being superficial yourself and pitying yourself when Allah, The Creator has blessed you with eyes, nose, mouth ect. Be thankful!
Reply

Riana17
06-16-2011, 01:08 PM
Originally Posted by Cakbatter
I am sorry sister, I realize your a muslim sister, but you "DISGUST ME". You are a liar. You are lying to yourself and to everyone around you, YOU KNOW, YOU KNOW, YOU KNOW, deep down that women base a man for his LOOKS. I dont know where you are from, if you live in a different country and it is this way, I apologize to you, but I assume you are speaking in regards to Western Society, if you are, you know that women base their attraction on LOOKS and LOOKS alone. Not only this, but it is proven in science that better looking people are treated better than others. So please sister, do not come on this board lying to people telling them "WOMEN LOOK AT CHARACTER, NOT HOW A MAN LOOKS" This is the biggest lie I have ever heard, one time I tried to ask a girl to help me for an interning job, she told me "ewwwww, no not you" How do you think this makes me feel sister? I thought LOOKS DIDNT MATTER ACCORDING TO YOU? Another time a girl in a coffee shop when I was pouring sugar, she bumped into me and I said "excuse me" she told me "You should be" and she gave me a nasty look. Meanwhile, my handsome muslim friends are doing well for themselves, happy and all. Stop lying to others please! If you want me to forgive you, I want you to publicly post on this forum "WOMEN DO JUDGE A MAN BY HIS LOOKS" That way you will be telling the truth a sister, and not commiting haram and telling a lie. In fact, you contradicted yourself, you said "I JUDGE A MAN BY HIS CHARACTER" Then later in your paragraph you said "I ENDED UP WITH A HANDSOME MAN!" HARAM, HARAM, HARAM ALEIK!

Salam to you and May Allah be pleased with you sis Dua

sorry 1st time I see your post
i dont need to convince I am not lying
... I edit this post as soon as it gets approved,, i replied long ealier that might confuse u of what i wanted to say

actually i would like to say that Allah looks not how we looks but what is in our hearts.

That's all that matters to me, even if I am good looking there are many others who looks better than me, and if i am not content then nothing in this world can satisfy me

however I should compare myself to others in terms of manners,

theres also way i can be jealous to someone, its for their knowledge in Islam and their Imaan...
I know its my fate to have him as my husband now but I am more than pleased to be his wife not for his looks as it will fade (actually starting to fade now, he is in 30's now not teenager anymore loooool), he really is good in manner, never disappoint me with his manners, alhamdollelah


alhamdollelah rabbil alameen


i hope you can see this video as well as the brother who started this thread

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yN9CmqPA-Zo
Reply

mustafaisb
06-16-2011, 08:28 PM
:sl: Brother it seems to me you think that if you were good looking and the girls were attracted to you then you would be happy and content. This is completely false. Sure your friends are happy and content that although they can't go out with the woman they are still content knowing that they are desired and attractive, however even this is false. Prophet (saws) said if the son of Adam had a mountain of gold he would desire another like it. Bit by bit these brothers will break down. No human being is ever satisfied they will always want more. As for these brothers they will get used to girls finding them attractive, however, soon they will either their nafs or shaitan will whisper to them that it is ok if they become friends with the girls they meet and that they will do nothing more. Then again they will feel happy and content, but soon again they will be unsatisfied. Their nafs and shaitan will again whisper to them that its ok if they take on a girlfriend just as long as they don't do anything serious. They will again justify it as being ok, because they will convince themselves they will not fall into fornication or do anything else terribly haram, he just wants someone to talk to and hang out with. Shaitan doesn't tempt individuals to do the most haram thing right way, shaitan is much smater than that, he gradually whispers and tempts you gradually getting you to do the more haram thing until finally you do the most haram thing, and after you've done it you're left wondering how you could've not foreseen that all of the things you've been doing has left you inevitably to do the most horrible sin. I'm not saying that this will for sure happen to them, but the temptation is much greater for them, and in all honesty I've seen many muslims who are attractive take on girlfriends and boyfriends, only muslims who have a very sound and deep knowledge of Islam will be able to resist them temptations of women and men.

Brother for EVERYONE life is a test, you said that you can accept a kafir who is good looking is in a worse position than you, but then you get upset about the fact that a muslim who is good looking is better than. Think about it that kafir can later revert to Islam, or that muslim can convert to a kafir. Allah(swt) has not condemned anyone in this life, in this life we are given the chance to believe in him regardless of our circumstances and it is only in the hereafter we're truly rewarded for the good or evil we do. It matters not who is good looking or unattractive, the only thing that matters is piety, even people who are fortunate enough to enter Jannah will wish they had done more good deeds and were more pious so that they could get a higher status in Jannah. They won't regret anything else in the Dunya, being more pious and doing more good deeds is the only thing they will regret.

Here is another way of looking at. What made your friends beautiful? Is it something extraordinary they did? No one can decide if they will beautiful when they are born, it is left to Allah (swt), so then it stands to reason that it is not by merit or Allah(swt) loves some people more than others, or some people did something to deserve their beauty, it is merely an attribute whereby Allah(swt) tests some people by either giving them beauty or not. Personally I think people who worship Allah(swt) and Allah(swt) enters them into Jannah and makes them beautiful, are the people who are TRULY beautiful. Why? Because these people truly DID DO SOMETHING to attain their beauty, instead of just simply being born beautiful. To reiterate beauty is just a means of testing us to determine if we are true muslims or not. Remember the more pious you are in this world, the more beautiful you will be in Jannah.

If you have any more questions, or need clairification the please don't hesitate to ask.
:wa:
Reply

mustafaisb
06-17-2011, 06:59 AM
:sl: Brother I think you're having some mis-conceptions about the way this world works.
I'm specifically referring to how you accept kafirs being better looking than you, but not better off than you because they are disbelievers. Yet you can't accept muslims being better looking than other muslims.

What you have to remember is that it matters not what situations or circumstances people find themselves in. Every human being on this earth is put to trial and tests, regardless of their beliefs, skin color, or country of origin. These trails and tests come in a variety of different forms. Allah(swt) is not punishing you or anyone else when he's made some people ugly or someone beautiful. Will you be patient and worship Allah(swt) if you are not attractive and conversely will you worship Allah(swt) even if you are beautiful and members of the opposite sex want to hang out with you and go out with you?

Think about what people have and don't have in those terms. Terms meaning Allah(swt) is just testing us to see if we will worship him or not. See if you're wealthy you might tend to get distracted with your wealth and want to enjoy it and thus forget about your duties to Allah (swt) and conversely if you're born poor you might chase after wealth and try everything in your power to become wealthy and thus also forget about worshipping Allah (swt). In both cases the person is being tested and it is up to them to not let their desires and the distractions of the dunya get in their way of obeying Allah (swt).

If a person is beautiful then the trail for him is whether he will not go out with women/men, commit fornication, and instead worship Allah (swt). If a person is unattractive then the trail for him is to not resort to plastic surgery, to be patient and worship Allah (swt).

Brother the essence of life, from what I understand it, is that life is a trail and that the pleasures of Jannah are much much greater, such that we can not imagine how much better Jannah is compared to the pleasures of this life. Instead of trying to focus all of your time trying to be beautiful in this world, why not try to be very beautiful in the hereafter?

There is a hadith where the Prophet (saws) said I saw Yusuf (as) and he was given half of the world's beauty.(Bukhari) It is also known that the person who will have the absolute lowest rank in Jannah will have Yusuf's (as) beauty. So the minium amount of beauty possessed by a human in Jannah will be half of the world's beauty. Could you imagine the beauty a person will possess in Jannah if he makes it to the 2nd level of Jannah or if he makes it to the 5th level of Jannah? I also remember from a lecture about the Hur Al Ayn that their will be a Hur Al Ayn so beautiful that had Allah (swt) willed a person not to die upon seeing her than that person would've definitely died. Remember this is a just an Hur Al Ayn. The very pious men and woman of this world who fasted, prayed 5 times a day, read the Quran, and avoided all sin who make it to Jannat Al Firdaus will most likely even be more beautiful than this special Hur Al Ayn. Also everyone's beauty will keep increasing in Jannah.

The Messenger of Allah (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) said: “In Jannah there is a market to which the people will come every Friday. The northern wind will blow and shower fragrance on their faces and clothes and, consequently, it will enhance their beauty and loveliness. They will then return to their wives who will also have increased in their beauty and loveliness, and their families will say to them, ‘We swear by Allah that you have been increased in beauty and loveliness since leaving us.’ Thereupon they will reply, ‘We swear by Allah that you have also been increased in beauty and loveliness since we left you.’” [Sahih Muslim]

Be patient brother and work towards Jannah, don't worry to much about your status in this world, and Inshallah you will attain a high rank in Jannah so that you will be extremely beautiful. :wa:
Reply

Futuwwa
06-19-2011, 12:47 AM
Originally Posted by Cakbatter
I am sorry sister, I realize your a muslim sister, but you "DISGUST ME". You are a liar. You are lying to yourself and to everyone around you, YOU KNOW, YOU KNOW, YOU KNOW, deep down that women base a man for his LOOKS. I dont know where you are from, if you live in a different country and it is this way, I apologize to you, but I assume you are speaking in regards to Western Society, if you are, you know that women base their attraction on LOOKS and LOOKS alone. Not only this, but it is proven in science that better looking people are treated better than others. So please sister, do not come on this board lying to people telling them "WOMEN LOOK AT CHARACTER, NOT HOW A MAN LOOKS" This is the biggest lie I have ever heard, one time I tried to ask a girl to help me for an interning job, she told me "ewwwww, no not you" How do you think this makes me feel sister? I thought LOOKS DIDNT MATTER ACCORDING TO YOU? Another time a girl in a coffee shop when I was pouring sugar, she bumped into me and I said "excuse me" she told me "You should be" and she gave me a nasty look. Meanwhile, my handsome muslim friends are doing well for themselves, happy and all. Stop lying to others please! If you want me to forgive you, I want you to publicly post on this forum "WOMEN DO JUDGE A MAN BY HIS LOOKS" That way you will be telling the truth a sister, and not commiting haram and telling a lie. In fact, you contradicted yourself, you said "I JUDGE A MAN BY HIS CHARACTER" Then later in your paragraph you said "I ENDED UP WITH A HANDSOME MAN!" HARAM, HARAM, HARAM ALEIK!
Brother, I suspected it as soon as I read the OP, but this post confirmed it. Outer ugliness is a lesser problem of yours, for no matter how hideous your exterior might be, you are far worse on the inside. A sister who was in the same situation as you (and which is a situation far worse for a woman to be in) reached out to you, and you curse her, accusing her of haram, and insist on a humiliating public apology according to your specifications. No level of beauty would make you popular or wanted with that kind of rotten behaviour.

For your own sake, fix the inside first before concerning yourself with the outside. For it will not only matter in this life, but also for where you will spend eternity.

If I have spoken too harshly, astagfirullah, but I think that what needed to be said needed to be said.
Reply

Riana17
06-19-2011, 09:02 AM
Originally Posted by Futuwwa
Brother, I suspected it as soon as I read the OP, but this post confirmed it. Outer ugliness is a lesser problem of yours, for no matter how hideous your exterior might be, you are far worse on the inside. A sister who was in the same situation as you (and which is a situation far worse for a woman to be in) reached out to you, and you curse her, accusing her of haram, and insist on a humiliating public apology according to your specifications. No level of beauty would make you popular or wanted with that kind of rotten behaviour.

For your own sake, fix the inside first before concerning yourself with the outside. For it will not only matter in this life, but also for where you will spend eternity.

If I have spoken too harshly, astagfirullah, but I think that what needed to be said needed to be said.

Salam
May Allah reward you.

Actually I didnt get mad at him, I understand where he is coming from (i thought at first he is a sister)
bad treatments can caused you to do bad, I have 3 other sisters, all of us suffer in this life, but alhamdollelah I passed them all.

The eldest sister kept the hatred in her and till now she is hurting many many people. Even put an innocent old woman in jail and abandoned her 1st son who need open heart surgery. This case,,, if they dont realize what life is all about, then Allah can only help them.

I cant be mad, but feel mercy for this kind of people for they do not know the source of real happiness.
Reply

Galaxy
06-19-2011, 11:01 AM
:wa:

Before you complain about your outer appearance, why not you perfect your inner appearance instead? If you are ugly, fine, it matter in the Day of Judgement. Instead, the ugliness inside will matter! Also, women do look for a man with a nice personality. Attractiveness does matter but not much if the man's personality is lovely.

Just strive to be a good Muslim instead something pleasing to the eyes. If they are rude to you because you are 'ugly' then what good people judge by one's face?
Reply

Cakbatter
06-21-2011, 01:04 AM
Subhanallah, none of you will ever know the position I am in......and here I will explain to you why:

Allah subhannah watallah creates the majority of people AVERAGE LOOKING AND EQUAL, however he does gift some people OUTER BEAUTY: Quote this from me please, I COMPLETELY RESPECT THAT!

However, my concern is there is ALSO some people that Allah creates that are the bottom 20 percent of society, the ugly people. I fall into that category and i seriously don't understand why God did not make me at least average looking so I can cope and not get rejected, depressed, and ridiculed every where I go. Living in California, in my first year of high school I tried to ask a girl to help me on my math homework because I was struggling in that class, she did not respond and left me clueless of what I did wrong. That night I also visited her myspace to see shy she looked so mad when I asked her that, I thought she lost a family member or something. Surprisingly, what I found is her writing on her friends myspace, "EWWWWW, horse face asked me for help in the library today!"

I couldn't sleep that night, I cried all night. Three months later that white girl developed a crush on my Libyan friend, he rejected her because he is Muslim and religious. The point here is, he got treated better than me because of his LOOKS. My question to you all is, you claim that it all balances out in the end and in the Akhira, but......

HOW IS THE LIFE LIVING AS DEPRESSED REJECTED FROM SOCIETY MUSLIM AT THE SAME BASIS OF EQUALITY AS ONE WHO POSSESSES AT LEAST AVERAGE OR GOOD LOOKS? It is simply illogical to think like this.
Reply

Futuwwa
06-21-2011, 03:46 PM
Brother, I'm not quite sure I understand what you mean by your last sentence. Are you maintaining that you are not really equal to other Muslims because Allah has not even given you at least average beauty?

To be honest, brother, I'm beginning to think you've lived in an extremely unfortunate environment. I counted 26 other people who posted on this thread. If you're in the "bottom 20% of ugly people" and that's the cause of your woes, well, 20% of 26 is 5.1, so on average there are about five people in this thread who are as ugly as you. Still, nobody seems to have gone through anything like the total social rejection you describe, so it must be something else.

I suspect you've just been unlucky and run into the wrong women. High school girls. Girls in a nightclub. Certainly groups in which I'd expect to find an above-average proportion of shallow individuals.
Reply

DippedinJannah
06-21-2011, 05:31 PM
I was raised in the American culture, and there is no culture on Earth which is so unforgiving on exterior looks or so shallow in its evaluation of ideal mates.

Yes, undoubtedly, life is somewhat easier for those who are beautiful. Look at famous models, actors, etc. - they would not have their easy jobs if they were ugly. It's just a fact of life - just as life is easier for people who are born with spectacular athletic ability, or people who are born into wealth.

But this does not mean that these things are necessarily good. I am somewhat glad I was not born wealthy. I am glad I was not born in desperate poverty, but of the people I've known who are rich, the vast majority live shallow, empty lives, seeking only pleasure. The most religious people with the deepest relationship with Allah (swt) - regardless of their faith - are people who were not born rich.

Same thing is true for those born beautiful or with tremendous talents.

As for appearance...you are completely wrong :-)

If you were a woman, you would have more of a case. But women do not evaluate men based on looks. Perhaps at a young age they do, but which of these do you think more effortlessly attracts women:

  • a poor man who is physically attractive, or
  • a rich man...?
  • a man with model-type looks who is shy and awkward and has no social graces, or
  • a confidant, gregarious man who is not attractive...?


Attracting women is all about confidence, social ability, and communication. It really has very little to do with physical looks. A beautiful man who sits in the corner will not be as attractive to women as a man who is surrounded by friends.
Reply

sabr*
06-21-2011, 06:51 PM
Originally Posted by Cakbatter
Subhanallah, none of you will ever know the position I am in......and here I will explain to you why:

Allah subhannah watallah creates the majority of people AVERAGE LOOKING AND EQUAL, however he does gift some people OUTER BEAUTY: Quote this from me please, I COMPLETELY RESPECT THAT!

However, my concern is there is ALSO some people that Allah creates that are the bottom 20 percent of society, the ugly people. I fall into that category and i seriously don't understand why God did not make me at least average looking so I can cope and not get rejected, depressed, and ridiculed every where I go. Living in California, in my first year of high school I tried to ask a girl to help me on my math homework because I was struggling in that class, she did not respond and left me clueless of what I did wrong. That night I also visited her myspace to see shy she looked so mad when I asked her that, I thought she lost a family member or something. Surprisingly, what I found is her writing on her friends myspace, "EWWWWW, horse face asked me for help in the library today!"

I couldn't sleep that night, I cried all night. Three months later that white girl developed a crush on my Libyan friend, he rejected her because he is Muslim and religious. The point here is, he got treated better than me because of his LOOKS. My question to you all is, you claim that it all balances out in the end and in the Akhira, but......

HOW IS THE LIFE LIVING AS DEPRESSED REJECTED FROM SOCIETY MUSLIM AT THE SAME BASIS OF EQUALITY AS ONE WHO POSSESSES AT LEAST AVERAGE OR GOOD LOOKS? It is simply illogical to think like this.
As-Salāmu `Alaykum (السلام عليكم):

Ukhti Cakbatter (Anonymous)

Alhamdulillah! Everyone has a trial. Allah doesn't place a burden upon his creation they are unable to bare.

It appears that you are making your appearence a test and trial. You are creating it by allowing others
who are superficial to control the way you view yourself. If everyone would have told you from childhood
that you are the part of the 20% that is considered beautiful you would think that way.

Take control of your self-esteem and not allow others to control the way you feel about yourself.

If you live within the United States there are 300 Million people and you haven't meet them or will meet them
in one lifetime. You have no idea how the people who have substance would view your appereance.

Al-Hujurat (The Dwellings) 49:13

يَا أَيُّهَا النَّاسُ إِنَّا خَلَقْنَاكُم مِّن ذَكَرٍ وَأُنثَى وَجَعَلْنَاكُمْ شُعُوبًا وَقَبَائِلَ لِتَعَارَفُوا إِنَّ أَكْرَمَكُمْ عِندَ اللَّهِ أَتْقَاكُمْ إِنَّ اللَّهَ عَلِيمٌ خَبِيرٌ (49:13)

Ya ayyuha alnnasu inna khalaqnakum min thakarin waontha wajaAAalnakum shuAAooban waqabaila litaAAarafoo inna akramakum AAinda Allahi atqakum inna Allaha AAaleemun khabeerun

49:13 (Y. Ali) O mankind! We created you from a single (pair) of a male and a female, and made you into nations and tribes, that ye may know each other (not that ye may despise (each other). Verily the most honoured of you in the sight of Allah is (he who is) the most righteous of you. And Allah has full knowledge and is well acquainted (with all things).


The most honored is the most righteous not the most beautiful.

We men are the primary blame for promoting beauty over substance. We are apologize for contributing to such non sense.

Your Taqwa (Allah consciousness) Iman (Faith) are important.
Reply

Riana17
06-21-2011, 07:16 PM
double post... why our replies are being approved after 2-3 days :(
Reply

Riana17
06-21-2011, 07:32 PM
This is the correct post

Salam
Brother some here may sound harsh but its for your own good, i hope you could see your brothers and sisters concern to u.Dont let their time go in waste,,,

Pls remember Allah has fashioned you, He fashioned all of us, you must be grateful for Allah's blessing, u & I may lack in looks but we can be plus in APPEAL,,how??? ok pls continue reading

see
i'd have to work since 8yrs old, my father and grandmother maltreated me till 14, name it,,, my father beat me till i cant walk, he tie me to a tree full of red ants, my grandma almost killed me wen shes drunk, i hv to do all the chores, as a child i didnt had the opportunity to play like other siblings and cousins, no teenage memory life as well,,,
after them my eldest sister started making my life a hell from age 16, beat me, degrade me, didnt allow me to eat,not allowed to speak to family & frends,lock in the room, spit in me, winter time no comforter, has to sleep in small sofa, she hate me & she love seeing me suffering, she spread rumors that i was seducing her husband that made my father almost killed me,she took all my salary for 2.5yrs...really made 3yrs of my life a hell. 3yrs i would cry till i cnt breath, cant sleep at night, i was too scared, dont know what to do, i dont hv confidence, i wanted to die, no freedom, i hated myself but i choose not to fight back, God helped me so much and gave me patience.
1day she suddenly beat me so hard infront of my in law and brother,,, & that's how I move out (with elder brother) I was like 20

even its too hard, i CHOOSE to let go, mind you it wasnt easy, its a sad story but i tried , i really tried my best to forgive & forget
i always remind myself, khallas let go, we are all gonna die, what else will matter when we all end up in grave?
(the result? i did forgive, i never tk revenge to anyone but i have bad memory now :)

I will continue this story NOT to show off,,, one day the doctor told my mother (who raised her son since birth, son from 1st husband) that my nephew is very ill and if we dont send him for operation "he would die", my heart fall down, i cant accept he will die. He has hole in between the heart.

I used the the pain I suffered from her, I choose to do the right thing, I worked hard day & night just to save money for her son's heart operation..1 day he had fever 41 degree,,, it was crazy,
then i took a personal loan from colleagues & alhamdollelah he was ok after 10days of confinement...and to your surprise not only she didnt care to help a single penny but she stole the change from hospital bill :)

i was boiling inside me, but again i choose to let go

i stil cant blv how I gathered the money in shorter time,,,, Allah sends His angels to me I guess, Allah bless me with good business, good job, and Subhanallah, its been 2years since he had open heart surgery and he is healthy now, alhamdollelah, i am happy that i did it all alone, no help from his mother and my siblings, Allah made it happened and I am more than happy I am His instrument

NOW I AM SURE THAT ALLAH loves me so much because he guided me to the right path, I am Muslim for a year now Subhanallah.Allah will not allow a Believer down, if you are against this,then brother its time for you to know more about our deen inshallah, inner peace and happiness within can be found in ISLAM, nowhere else

You see brother, what ever people thinks about us is not important, it all depends on our intention and truly Allah looks at our hearts not with our looks,,,

I may look ugly to many people but bcoz am good at heart, i dont envy others, i dont hurt others, i dont trick others, i dont do magic :P
Bcoz of that Allah sends me a life partner who look at me like I am prettier than angelina jolie, lool BIG joke but true
My husband appreciates me even I am lazy and he alwys say, he will never dream of any other wife than me,,,my husband is not a scam tho, he dont even say i love u often but i always feel he does, NOW U ARE JEALOUS AGAIN right??????!!!!! lol come on, cheer up, treasure your life, read Quran and say alhamdollelah



PS: my sister claims she is Muslim, she can read write arabic, she go to school & studied Quran & Islam for almost 7yrs, she has very wealthy & kind husband, she has lots of money, and yes she looks pretty, but she dont see or enjoy that at all...Allah closes her eyes, Allah does not guide the proud and evil

they all didnt matter when you have a black heart. Allah will not giv peace when we are proud and when we do not see the blessings that we are given. when we dont know how to balance things.

There are ways to improve your looks without operation, clean and wear a proper clothes, cut your hair according to your shape, trim etc. You should not mind people's comment, when someone doesnt like u, whatever u do he/she wont like u, they are not genuine

Happiness is acceptance, dont focus on how you look, u have to focus on how you can improve yourself, wonder why blind, limp, and poor people can smile afterall, why they choose to live and not end their lives,bcoz they accept that this is what Allah has given them, so u have to change the way u look in this life, the truth *** i mean the painful truth brother is that u focus alot on OUTSIDE appearance, u must change the direction or u will die like this and regret, oh dear regret is never in the beginning,, regret is always in the end and inshallah u will not live this way for long

Beauty is in the eye of the Beholder, look at SEAL he may look ugly to many but wow his wife is madly inlove with him bcoz he has good manners (i watched their guesting in OPRAH)

TRUE HAPPINESS IS within and can be found only by being contented, by appreciation and WORSHIPPING ONE TRUE GOD.May Allah have mercy on Us, Ameen
Reply

Ğħαrєєвαħ
06-21-2011, 07:48 PM
Originally Posted by Cakbatter
Subhanallah, none of you will ever know the position I am in......and here I will explain to you why:

Allah subhannah watallah creates the majority of people AVERAGE LOOKING AND EQUAL, however he does gift some people OUTER BEAUTY: Quote this from me please, I COMPLETELY RESPECT THAT!

However, my concern is there is ALSO some people that Allah creates that are the bottom 20 percent of society, the ugly people. I fall into that category and i seriously don't understand why God did not make me at least average looking so I can cope and not get rejected, depressed, and ridiculed every where I go. Living in California, in my first year of high school I tried to ask a girl to help me on my math homework because I was struggling in that class, she did not respond and left me clueless of what I did wrong. That night I also visited her myspace to see shy she looked so mad when I asked her that, I thought she lost a family member or something. Surprisingly, what I found is her writing on her friends myspace, "EWWWWW, horse face asked me for help in the library today!"

I couldn't sleep that night, I cried all night. Three months later that white girl developed a crush on my Libyan friend, he rejected her because he is Muslim and religious. The point here is, he got treated better than me because of his LOOKS. My question to you all is, you claim that it all balances out in the end and in the Akhira, but......

HOW IS THE LIFE LIVING AS DEPRESSED REJECTED FROM SOCIETY MUSLIM AT THE SAME BASIS OF EQUALITY AS ONE WHO POSSESSES AT LEAST AVERAGE OR GOOD LOOKS? It is simply illogical to think like this.
Assalaamu Alaaykum

There are many things that can make one depressed and not just looks.

It isnt illogical but simply you have to understand that fact that Allaah doesnt judge one by their looks but whats within their hearts..Thoughts like these can lead one to disease their heart.

How can one have a clean and pure heart where they keep filling it up with bad thoughts and negativeness? Is what society thinks of you more important?

Seriously if you think about it what benefit will you gain if you did go and get surgery done on yourself? You will only displease Allaah and only get a few positive looks here and there and done thats all you gain in this life then you will recieve that few days luxury and forget about the reality than you havent gained nothing in real.

whether one can have average or good looks how does that make one different to one who doesnt have average or good looks? Why should that person be treated differently? As long as the heart is clean you would deal with everything in life in the same way as one who has average or good looks..It is only you that are who are making yourself depressed and nobody else, and making life difficult.

How is it that when you smile at someone it makes the other smile, are looks relied upon? I am sincerely sorry if I am speaking like I dont understand your situation. but it is only advice from my ownself and I ask you to complain to Allaah also, for Allaah if he listened to the messengers in their times of hardships though they were much worse, he will listen also to your prayers. Dont look at life negatively because it will only make you feel more worse and you will also end up losing hope astagfirullaah and suffer really badly from depression and that is not a good ending or a good feeling .Please Allaah and be thankful of what you do have which others out there who do not have at all and they still continue be thankful and to not lose hope.

Believe me you are not rejected or else you wouldnt still be living your life lucky enough to find yourself living the next day, sincerely you need to discover how blessed you are even while coming on this forum to recieve some answers.

I hope that Allaah does what is better for you and no doubt that he has. may Allaah ease your hardships and grant you happiness in both this life and the hereafter Aameen

.. peace ..
Reply

Starrynight
06-22-2011, 02:15 AM
:( I'm sorry for all of you who have been treated badly by American girls... I am an American girl and I am ashamed for all of my fellow American's who have hurt you.
I have been thinking about the ideas around looks. I myself have spent way too much time worrying about it throughout my life. Recently though, I have tried my best not to care. I want people to like me for who I am as a person. I now try to spend all the time I used to waste worrying about my appearance to work on my intelligence and on being a kinder person. Although people disregarding me for my appearance might sting, I know I want to be friends with people who are not shallow. So, I have some very close friends who love me for who I am, not what I look like. Those who judged me based on the clothing I wear or the structure of my face are missing out because I know in my heart I am a great friend to have :)
I hope everyone can find true friends and learn to tune out those who are poisonous people.
Reply

Galaxy
06-23-2011, 01:35 AM
:sl:

I don't know how to edit yet insha' Allaah I will know but I made a mistake. I meant that if you're ugly, then it won't matter on the Day of Resurrection.

Anyway, stop complaining already. You keep on bringing forward stories of girls who only care about one's looks but it's really not helping the situation. Since beauty matters so much to you, people in Jannah will be beautiful. I'm not saying you should strive for Jannah just to be beautiful...

If you think your appearance and is a huge problem in your life, go check if you have body dysmorphic disorder, I am serious.

:sl:
Reply

Grofica
06-23-2011, 12:26 PM
see your problem is your age...

little girls and little middle school girls and little high school girls yes they go for looks. the hunky quarterback or whatever and then all those little girls grow up and relize those quarterbacks grow up to work at mcdonalds and the girls actually do start looking at personality even in the plastic capitals like cali and vegas and florida.

one day those girls will grow up and relize that there are a lot more shucks out there then nice guys... and its the nice guys they start to search for.

your problem is... (other than needing to grow up) you have turned yourself so bitter that i cant see the beauty in your words.. the way you attack people who are trying to help... now that is ugly.

and the other problem is that most of the people on here are a bit older than you are.

models are for magizines. True gentleman are for marrying.
Reply

May Ayob
06-24-2011, 06:27 PM
Originally Posted by Pєαяℓ σf Wιѕ∂σм
Subhanallah, none of you will ever know the position I am in......and here I will explain to you why: Allah subhannah watallah creates the majority of people AVERAGE LOOKING AND EQUAL, however he does gift some people OUTER BEAUTY: Quote this from me please, I COMPLETELY RESPECT THAT! However, my concern is there is ALSO some people that Allah creates that are the bottom 20 percent of society, the ugly people. I fall into that category and i seriously don't understand why God did not make me at least average looking so I can cope and not get rejected, depressed, and ridiculed every where I go. Living in California, in my first year of high school I tried to ask a girl to help me on my math homework because I was struggling in that class, she did not respond and left me clueless of what I did wrong. That night I also visited her myspace to see shy she looked so mad when I asked her that, I thought she lost a family member or something. Surprisingly, what I found is her writing on her friends myspace, "EWWWWW, horse face asked me for help in the library today!" I couldn't sleep that night, I cried all night. Three months later that white girl developed a crush on my Libyan friend, he rejected her because he is Muslim and religious. The point here is, he got treated better than me because of his LOOKS. My question to you all is, you claim that it all balances out in the end and in the Akhira, but...... HOW IS THE LIFE LIVING AS DEPRESSED REJECTED FROM SOCIETY MUSLIM AT THE SAME BASIS OF EQUALITY AS ONE WHO POSSESSES AT LEAST AVERAGE OR GOOD LOOKS? It is simply illogical to think like this.


Salaam Brother
Allah does not want you to be a hot-headed, ignorant , arrogant useless human being..... Is that what makes you mad?
If equality was meant by good looks ... then we can see why our global planet is suffering what it is suffering today.....What matters is your heart please don't tell me I am a liar as it took my years to understand this concept ... I am a female and i had it just as you did ...I Had /Have absolutely no friends they all rejected me based on my appearance.. Did i cry? Of course .. Did it burn my heart? .. you bet it did.... Did i think of suicide? .. yup!
What happened is that i said to myself - I didn't come here for nothing! Life isn't all about High School Life is not a popularity contest...I was sad and depressed because i thought i didn't belong here...
Just think about this:
All the people in our planet that are deaf or handicapped or are facing disabilities...How do you think they feel?
How do you think their life is? What about those which are blind? Those in a wheeling chair?, Those that lost their limbs...?
What about those dying out of hunger..Every six seconds?
Those their spouses pour Sulphuric Acid on their face..?
Those that were slaughtered to death for absolutely no reason?
Those frightened by war?
Those suffering from Human trafficking?
Those suffering from Modern Day Slavery?
Those facing Domestic Violence from the one that are supposed to be the most beloved to their hearts?
Those living under the line of Poverty?
The list goes on and on my brother...
Those who don't know why they came here in first place...why to suffer? to get rejected by so called average and good looking people.
Those people know nothing , they don't even belong to the global society as they faced nothing...What counts is how much you have learned not how much money you spent to attract some fake and heartless people!
If you consider the statistics of all the above and how much human beings in this planet are suffering from it then I highly doubt that the overall percentage of these people will be less than 60% as.
In the country I live in; In the Northern Part 70% percent live under 2 dollars a day, In the Southern Part 80% live under 1 dollar a day...Aren't they human beings? Do they not also deserve Equality?
What is their fault? Did they Create themselves? No, Right? Are they responsible for their situation? No,Right? What do you think of some one who would come up to them and ask them "Why" they are so "unfortunate"? They would be terrible person wouldn't they? Same goes to your situation my brother the problem is not in you it is in them and how they perceive things, so if some one doesn't like the way you look , then I am glad to tell them that they have absolutely no problem with me but rather they have a problem with the One who Created me.
I don't Believe you are "Ugly" , I don't believe anyone is "ugly" , In fact using that word irritates me. No one is "Ugly" nor is anyone "Beautiful" for we are Neutral - What should be considered as ugly would be:
The blood baths that are happening in our planet. The theift and Robbery by so called Official of Governments.The deceipt that some people want us to follow. The Famine and Poverty that is causing rapid rate of deaths. The the Unjust torture of some human beings are facing in prison. The diseases and ilness people are afllicted with but have no medical support. The high suicidal rates. The Rape and molestation children are suffering from... the list goes on and on.

Similar wise would it be that Beauty should also be considered as :
A smile of compassion. Holding some one hand to show care and support. A look of mercy into the eyes of a human being. Giving a child a piggie back to make them happy, Wiping the tears off some one's eyes, giving your seat to the elder. Offering some one a ride back home. Giving your shoulder for someone to lean on. Kissing your Mother or Father in the forehead and showing them Respect , Gratitude and appreciation for all they have gave you. Cheering some one up when they're feeling down. Standing up for those that are being surpressed.Bringing Happiness into a human beings heart. Teaching some one something they didn't know. Repelling evil with it's opposite. Showing sincere concern and sympathy for those who are suffering... and the list goes on and on as well.
You see my brother, these two terms were never meant to be defined by outer appearances. You are a spirit that has a body and not a body that has a Spirit. it is your Spirit that should make you control the way you feel about your self and not your body.
What is important is your spirit and how much positive energy it gave out and not your body and how much negative energy it brings. This is what determines how beautiful a Human Being truly is.

Why would anyone who has a heart say eww to you .... you should be the one saying eww to her character..Because Truly that is what is ugly.

Just ask yourself one question: Please tell me how your life would have been better if you were "good-looking"?
Is becoming a slave to people and their desires a blessing .. This is true slavery when you let people control you and you give them the advantage to break you apart.
Good looks are nothing I am a female ... I barely look at my self in the mirror and I know how much that would have affected my character in a negative way because I would be rejecting any human being that I don't consider as " Good-looking" this is all trash .
These women all around your friend will run away from him if anything happened to his face.. Why would anyone want to be with such type of people? Beleive me they are going to hurt you more than they will bring you "Happiness" because the whole time you will be self-concsious about how you look and will always fear losing the people around you... They don't like your friends that is the truth....They like they Money or the external pleasure they get when they look at some one's face so if your friend lost his "good-look" and those "looks" went to some else they would be running after the later guy..They are enslaved by their desires..You don't need to waste your time with these people as we will all turn into rotten bodies and eventually become parts of sand. And Honestly I wouldn't be considering what you friend( the one who went to the night club with you) is experiencing right now as Happiness - I would rather say that it is nothing but a temporary lustful sensation he feels in his heart that results as a grin in his face as a reflex action. True happiness is acheived when- “Happiness comes when your work and words are of benefit to yourself and others”.
Look the only key to get over this is to believe in yourself! to know and Value yourself! you should only look at those who love you for your personality people who look other wise ..then believe me you are better off without them.

Equality is to respect and value human beings according to who they are no matter what, and accepting them with no regards. Not to change them and adjust them to what you believe is Ideal..Then treating them as an equal.
And Eqaulity in God's Eyes was the Eqaulity of Heart and Character.. This is the way God wants me , you and everyone else to be non can dare to go out ask a human being as why to they look this or that way .. it is a Major sin.

Believe me all this will be nothing when you realize that Most of the dwellers of Hell fire are the Healthy , Wealthy, "good looking" people who had absolutely no hearts nor did they ever ponder in the creation of this Beautifull universe.

A study says that Physical appearance does not have a big affect as much as Religion, ethnicity and political views in a human being and choosing their spouse sure looks matter but then really these looks will fade away as soon as one gets in their 50s if not even before that.. and what i see as beautiful and what you see as beautiful is different...
Also , Women Do not * let me point respectable women that is, Never really look at the looks , If a woman care about the looks i think she has no Hayya to begin with why is she staring at men's faces? that's weird anyway....
A woman wants a man who respects her, who treats her in a kind manner who will be a kind and loving husband and a good father ...
This is what a good human being would want whether they are males or females

Insha'Allah you will be blessed with True Friends that value you the Real you! , And also a beautifull wife that Loves every single things about you..With out a doubt God is Capable of everything , Just have hope Hold on a little bit longer, Be a little more Patient.
To be Rejected by people should never hurt you; As it is more likely a sign of God's Love rather than the opposite , There will be no Prophet or Good human being that will not face rejection by people:
What do you think about Sayedna Ayob? When he was afflicted with the disease? It made every one fear him and avoid him , How do you think he felt? Is he not a Prophet of God?It didn't only go to this extent but the people around him not only rejected him the told him that God s.w.t must have been angry at him , He must have been a bad man man , He must have done a terrible sin .. this is why he is suffering what is suffering. God Only tests and afflicts those whom he loves. This Life is nothing but a test of Patience. Those whom are suffering are truly those whom are special and beloved to God Almighty.


Advice - Please stop being dependent on people and their opinions about you brake the shackle and free yourself from this illusion it's all fake lies nothing! I Garuntee , Focus on your studies and education , Concentrate on acheiving your dreams, Work on how to be a better son and brother, Take care of your family. One day you will understand what i mean

May Allah ease all your pain and make you one of His beloved..


I hope what i said made sense ,I hope this helps
Salaam
Reply

Starrynight
06-26-2011, 11:15 PM
Originally Posted by Grofica
see your problem is your age...

little girls and little middle school girls and little high school girls yes they go for looks. the hunky quarterback or whatever and then all those little girls grow up and relize those quarterbacks grow up to work at mcdonalds and the girls actually do start looking at personality even in the plastic capitals like cali and vegas and florida.

one day those girls will grow up and relize that there are a lot more shucks out there then nice guys... and its the nice guys they start to search for.

your problem is... (other than needing to grow up) you have turned yourself so bitter that i cant see the beauty in your words.. the way you attack people who are trying to help... now that is ugly.

and the other problem is that most of the people on here are a bit older than you are.

models are for magizines. True gentleman are for marrying.
I agree. Work on your internal self and then real, true love will come.
Reply

SFatima
06-28-2011, 09:02 AM
I would say to the OP that the only one who does not like your looks, is you ,yourself. It is your own outlook / lack of self esteem, confidence that is pulling your self perception down the 'bitter, angry, jealous' road.

I find your statements a bit too overgeneralized about girls only liking the nice looking boys, that is So not true! I know kazillion women who prefer confident men over good looking ( if a serious relationship is what they're looking at). Infact I know many men who have very average looks, some not even very outstanding if I was to measure them to the white standard of beauty, and they have amazing personalities, and trust me, women do go for personalities in men, if we're not talking about teeny boppers who are just looking for some childish fun.

And who doesn't come across couples where the woman is beautiful and a the man is quite normal looking and they both love each other. I come across many. So if a person feels particularly struck down by a a few nasty comments from some immature people, they need to look for better people and a better company, and they also need to look at their own manners because as a famous saying goes, " Good manners will open doors for you that a no amount of degrees can".

Think over it, Is it that your lack of self liking for your own looks is making you ONLY focus on good looking people and all you want to see is them around you? Is it that you ALSO are not looking for people who have a good heart and look normal and you fail to find them attractive because you think they don't look good? Why is there so much stress on good looking people here, are you sure that It isn't you who is so engrossed in the looks of a person that you have stopped focusing on your own good qualities and only focus on other's flaws?

It is true that good looking people find more acceptance with people INITIALLY, but it is also true that if the person is not polite, welcoming and warm, people will stop being overtly nice to you , just because you're good looking : P. It doesn't happen that way. You must focus on your personality and I'm sure you are ignoring some really good qualities in yourself by being a bit too focused on your looks.

Good looks are as much a trial for a person, as are not- so- good- looks. Good looking women and men have to be extra cautious for refusing temptations that attacks them left right and centre, and you do know how wrong one can go if one is not strong enough to deal with temptations. In fact I see more good looking women suffering that the normal looking ones because people actually fall for their looks and later on they don't find their personalities attractive, and then there's unhappy relationships, divorces, and what not. I for one, have observed that men who desire the most good looking women, are almost always unfaithful, they cheat incessantly and they can never remain bound to one woman, because its lust they are after , not beauty.

So stop living in a shell and stop telling yourself that you're ugly, it is a great ungratefulness to Allah swt, for He always compensates people in good measure. You seem to have a sound head on your shoulders, try increasing your knowledge and skills instead of wasting time in pitying over yourself.

Men , all over the history have been admired for their courage and confidence, and it stands true to this day, stop watching tv and movies and being influenced by a fake medium which only banks on looks. None of the actors/ actresses have perfect lives and most of them aren't even married, or are divorced countless times. I don't seem to understand in this day of exposure who can possibly be so intimidated by beauty when its so much out there selling cheap.

Raise your eeman and find your own worth. Don't mean to be harsh, but be a Man dude.
Reply

Who Am I?
06-29-2011, 06:02 PM
I really can't top what anyone else has said here.

OP, I used to be like you. I complained and felt sorry for myself because I didn't think I looked good. People made fun of me because I was a skinny kid with braces and glasses. That bothered me for a long time. I was depressed from my teenage years all the way into my early 30's because I had low self-esteem from that time. Girls didn't like me and I thought that was all that mattered.

Gradually I came to realize that life is so much more than being in a relationship. I'm still single at 35, but it doesn't bother me nearly as much as it used to. In fact, at this stage in my life, I am glad to be unattached, because if I were married or in a relationship, it would make my transition to Islam that much harder. As it is, I can concentrate on becoming a better man and getting closer to Allah without the distraction of a wife or girlfriend. So really, my being single right now is a blessing from Allah.
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