Not being able to convert

[Sunnie Ameena]

I just wanted to post my thoughts. I have been trying to find out as much information on converting as I possibly could. I really wanted to convert. My husband is Christian, and does not want to convert, but is very supportive of me converting. We have been married for 34 years, and I have read that I can not stay married to him. So I can not convert. My view is that God has brought us together, and has guided us through everything good and bad that has been in our life, and I don't think that God would want me to give up on our marriage. I totally stand by our wedding vows. I am just so disappointed that I can not convert. Sunnie

[Woodrow]

Peace Sunnie,

I really doubt if any of us here can give you a complete answer. For myself I can only give my opinion as little as it is. If possible speak with an Imam about this. I know it is very difficult to find one in Montana but if memory serves me, there is a Mosque in Billings.

I do know allaah(swt) will not put any hardships upon us we can not handle and I do know Islam is to be easy not complicated. So I suspect we are not looking at things correctly at the moment.

I doubt if it is expected to have you immediatly divorce your husband because you revert. I also believe that you can use this as a chance to get your husband to revert by your example as a Muslim.

Perhaps some female members who have faced the same issue can help if they see this thread.

[Ali Mujahidin]

How about looking at your situation this way:

Let's say, you and your husband are floundering in the middle of a vast ocean. Then you find a boat which you are convinced will save you. Your husband is not too convinced about the boat but he is not against you getting on the boat. So what do you do? Do you get on the boat first, then help your husband to get on board later? Or do you just stay in the water with your husband and not get on the boat at all? While you think about it, remember that the circling sharks are getting closer and closer ...

Here's something that might help you: verse 103 in surah 3 translates, approximately, as:

And hold firmly to the rope of Allah all together and do not become divided. And remember the favor of Allah upon you - when you were enemies and He brought your hearts together and you became, by His favor, brothers. And you were on the edge of a pit of the Fire, and He saved you from it. Thus does Allah make clear to you His verses that you may be guided.

I pray that you will hold on tightly to the rope of Allah and never let it go. Insha Allah.

[Muhammad Aseem]

I think you should convert and not leave your husband. (read the whole reply before blowing up)

Here is another situation - I think regardless of whether your husband decides to convert on not, you should. You can decide about leaving him or not leaving him later. My reasoning is as follows. (all the scenarios are my opinions and not judgements on specific actions please read them with an open mind)

Suppose you don't convert - then you will die as a 'non-believer' and so will your husband.

Suppose you convert but don't leave your husband - You will then die as a 'believer' who has been committing a sin (which is living with a man who is not your husband, since according to islamic jurisprudence your marriage will be invalid one you convert and will have to do nikkah again, unless your husband converts, in which case it is okay)

A third that everyone is recommending: Convert and leave your husband since that will lead you to salvation - this is obviously GOLDEN.

Between the situation above - look at them as 3 being the perfect result - 2 being an acceptable but loathsome result and 1 being unacceptable.

Rest is obviously upto you.

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[Sunnie Ameena]

Thank you all for the information. There is so much to learn and I am very eager. I look forward to reading more posts on this forum and learning everything I can. Sunnie

[- Malak -]

Dear Sunnie,

I was waiting your Private Message. I have answered your question before. read ThisOldMan's reply.

If your husband decided to commit suicide, you will also commit suicide ??

My view is that God has brought us together, and has guided us through everything good and bad that has been in our life, and I don't think that God would want me to give up on our marriage. I totally stand by our wedding vows. I am just so disappointed that I can not convert. Sunnie

I agree with you it is so difficult and hard to leave your husband but You believe God guides you to what is good to your life because of that Allah guides you to Islam.


Your husband doesn't want to convert now, but may be he decide in the future.

pray that Allah helps you

[Sunnie Ameena]

I am sorry Malak, I am not able to private message you yet. I have to wait until have 50 posts. I will message you as soon as I can. Sunnie

[- Malak -]

Great you become a full member. still I am not, you can send me your Yahoo or skype account to private message in order to help you say Shahada
you are welcome Sunnie

[Jalal~]

I do pray that Allah helps you with your situation, but i have another question so sorry this is not pertaining to your question:
If you dont mind, could you explain why you want to convert to Islam? I always enjoy reading a converts (or as scholars say reverts) story to Islam, and maybe your story will help others who i tell revert to Islam as well.

[Sunnie Ameena]

I would love to explain why I want to convert. I was born and raised Catholic, and went to church every Sunday. And once a week after school, I went to a church class. Other than that, nothing was done with church. But I did say prayers everynight, my mother taught me that. Then when I got older, we went to the Assembly of God, and went to church every Sunday. And occasionally there were other times that we did church stuff. I have felt like I was missing something in my Faith, and decided not to go to church, because I felt that I could worship God on my own and not just on Sundays. Besides, alot of times, I noticed that when someone goes to church, people check out to see who a person is with, or what they are wearing. That is not what going to church is suppose to be about. And then one day, I thought about checking out the Muslim faith, and found I was really interested in learning about it. It is a way for me to be closer to God all the time. He is most important thing in my life. Without him, I am nothing and I have nothing. I could talk about God all day. I am sure there was something else I wanted to say, but I just can't think about it now. I hope this explains it. Sunnie

[ummibby]

Hi Sunnie

Your situation seems so difficult...well, there is an easy answer (revert and separate from your hubby) but it's incredibly difficult in practise.

I'd just encourage you to continue learning, try to contact an imam for advice and in the meantime share what you are learning with your husband. If Allah wills, and you should pray for this, your husband's heart will soften and he will become more open to the idea of joining you in your journey to islam.

Personally, and by no means take my opinion as an instruction as what to do, I would convert for my own benefit when i felt the time was right. I would make dua in every salat that my husband would be guided. yes, it would be a sin to remain in a marriage that isn't islamically valid, but 32 years is a lot to let go of without some sort of desperate effort. Allah sees and knows all things :)

May Allah guide you and your husband, ameen

[Sunnie Ameena]

Thank you everyone for the suggestions. I contacted my local Mosque. They have told me not to separate from my husband, because Allah has brought us together, and that my husband is welcome to come to the Mosque with me. So we are planning on going together.

[Ali Mujahidin]

Thank you everyone for the suggestions. I contacted my local Mosque. They have told me not to separate from my husband, because Allah has brought us together, and that my husband is welcome to come to the Mosque with me. So we are planning on going together.

Shukur alhamduliLLah. That's great news. Personally, I always believe that the best way to tell anyone about Islam is to let them see Islam in action. What better place to see Islam in action that in the House of Allah itself! I pray that Allah will bless your husband with the nur of hidayah asap. Ameen, ameen, ameen ya Rabil alamin. AlhamduliLLahi Rabbil alamin.

[Loewe]

As a qualified Imam who studied Shariah at Al-Azhar university I would say to you: without leaving your husband you still can be a Muslima. There is no condition for any body to convert other than to witness: Ash-hadu Alla-ilaha illa Allah we ash-hadu anna Muhammadan rasulu Allah.
It is usual that non Muslims who convert have many points in their lives which don’t fit to the Islamic teachings but they still Muslims.
after converting Muslims start to work on their daily life trying to make it suit the guidance of Allah. Not all of them success in all points but they all are Muslims! And even those who succeed don’t succeed usually in every thing in one time.
You also never can be sure that your husband will not convert. Hearts are in the hand of Allah. I know many cases where it was like this at the beginning but then the husband followed.
At any way you shouldn’t refuse converting because your husband doesn’t want to do now. These are two different things. One converts for Allah’s sack and not for husband.
Allah who is the One who showed you the way and Allah is the one who will guide you and help you finding a solution for your problem. Just come nearer to Him by converting... be His guest... and wait for His generosity!

[Sunnie Ameena]

Thank you so much Loewe for responding. As I read all the information recieve in the mail and online about Islam, I share it with my husband. He finds some of it interesting. I received a package today with a Quran and other books, and as he was taking them out, he kept a few out that he said he wanted to read. Sounds good to me. Again, I really appreciate all the help. Sunnie