Disciplinary

[Reflections]

AsSaalamu Aalaykum WarahmatAllah wabarakatuh,

I just wanted to know your views on your limits of disciplinary- as a parent. Would you raise your hand at your child if they had done something out of line..? Should children have that 'beating' so they know not to cross the line? Do you think having this sort of discipline helps the child when they become older to be a better person? Please share your thoughts insha-Allah.

[S.Belle]

AsSaalamu Aalaykum WarahmatAllah wabarakatuh,

I just wanted to know your views on your limits of disciplinary- as a parent. Would you raise your hand at your child if they had done something out of line..? Should children have that 'beating' so they know not to cross the line? Do you think having this sort of discipline helps the child when they become older to be a better person? Please share your thoughts insha-Allah.

well im not a parent....but I find it somewhat unnccessary
A simple look of seriousness and firm tone should be enough and hitting should be a last resort.
I wasnt beat (that just sounds too...harsh) but i was spanked and I felt (as a child)that the only reason I got spanked was bc I got caught lol.
I dont feel it helped me be a better person...maybe it has and I just dont realize it yet..
Simply talking to the child and letting them know that their behavior isnt accepted and why should be enough if they still dont listen then take away some of their privileges.

[Human_Being]

well im not a parent....but I find it somewhat unnccessary
A simple look of seriousness and firm tone should be enough and hitting should be a last resort.
I wasnt beat (that just sounds too...harsh) but i was spanked and I felt (as a child)that the only reason I got spanked was bc I got caught lol.
I dont feel it helped me be a better person...maybe it has and I just dont realize it yet..
Simply talking to the child and letting them know that their behavior isnt accepted and why should be enough if they still dont listen then take away some of their privileges.

Same here like spankin did nuthin for me just made me angry lol

I don't hav kids like but i babysit and kids love me i think cuz im always smilin and nice 2 them but as soon as i go quiet and give em "the look" they kno i mean business and do as they're told even ones who misbehave with their parents the parents r like "gasp how did u get them to do that" and sometimes if u reason with them instead of talkin down to them and bend down so ur at eye level and reason with them and they sumtiles decide themselves to do the right thing after u explain why. I never had to raise my hand against a child only that once but i never hit it was a shove cuz it was sum kid on the street started punchin me

[sherz_umr]

i was a spoilt hyperactiv crazy kid..my parents usd to scold me,in vain. Once my dad got so pissed, he gave me one tight slap (4 talkin back. Im stil crazy. But all it takes,til this day, is just a look from daddy dearest. I behave.
I thnk its ok to beat, if the child is totally immune to nagging. Usually speaking sternly by smone the child fears or loves is enof.
Though im totaly against beating the pulp out of kids..i feel a small smack with a ruler once in a blue moon for unruly kids is ok,just to remind em whos boss.
Too mch makes them insensitive..bullies.
Wot about grounding? You know 'no tv for u mister' or 'u can kiss ur playstation gudbye 4a month til u learn to behave'.. But id b more rebell4ous than disciplined.

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[Ğħαrєєвαħ]

Wa Alaaykum As'salaam Wa Rahmatullaah Wa Barahkaatuh

Well, its a hard topic. There are kids who you can beat but it wont make any difference, as mentioned as above, it makes them more rebellious. And some who you will just say a simple word to will simply listen and become sensible and remain quiet.

Personally, i do not like the idea of beating, but i guess sometimes the child becomes totally out of hand, in this case i guess patience is required, not slapping them or anything. I like the idea of disciplining the child. I am no expert in this area, as ive met children who are really cool, but i've seen various situations where the children cries and the parent becomes angry and they may slap or 'beat' the child in some way.

I dont agree on beating children in anyway at all. As far as im aware the Prophet Muhammad (salllaahu alaayhi wa salam) never raised his hand on anyone to beat them. And he loved children.

Therefore, we as muslims are required to follow his sunnah in the best way possible, the only time i know someone beats someone is either if they're angry with them. And ofcourse anger isnt the answer to anything. And come on, why would you raise your hand on a little child? They're still in their cycle of learning in the Dunya, they're little and they have no power over you.

We should try be simple, what we want is for the child to learn, we do this by teaching them in specific ways, such as by love, having peace with them etc. Not by beating the child is young they wont understand your 'good' reasons of why you may be beating them, just because its bad to you, it may not seem so bad to them, you have to teach them in ways. Its sort of similar to when you want to teach a non-muslim about Islaam, you would start by having peace, tolerance, even for the ignorant people who like to mock, tolerance is required. But if we begin by violence or mocking one another, or 'beating' in this case, then ofcourse the outcome will no doubt be negative as it will drive them away from the Al Islaam. There may be people who disagree with me, but do correct me if i have said anything wrong or didnt make any sense.

Simply talking to the child and letting them know that their behavior isnt accepted and why should be enough if they still dont listen then take away some of their privileges.

I agree.

[nature]

:sl:

NO beating is not ok, its unecessary doesnt solve anything and chances are your child will hate you. I had friends that were beaten the crap out of by their parents, they used to wish their parents dead-seriously. theres just no need for it, you should try & relate to a child, not do the easiest thing and beat them. & NO it wont help them become a better person, your looking at it wrong. Follow the sunnah, the prophet never did it, and neither should we. you raise your hand to your child, and they'll hate you forever, it could harm them mentally later on in life. those that say beating is ok, or yeh go ahead give them a slap, then seriously you've no idea what its like. its humiliating to a child.

there are other ways of disciplining, beating isnt one of them.

:wa:

[yas2010]

As a mother myself of children aged 7 and 5 even i admit this topic is hard one. Most of the time 'the look' works with my kids or even raising my voice my children both know that they are in deep trouble. I also take away privileges. Such as TV, or going to their martial arts class or going to friends home for lunch, or inviting friends over.
I try and be firm but fair.

[Reflections]

Interesting responces, barakAllahufeekum for contributing..

I agree mostly with what has been said..however I would say -depending on the severity of the situation..as a last resort I would raise my hand, not harsh blow or beating the child black and blue, but just to show them how it should be..But then again I don't habe children so I don't know maybe then I wouldn't...I know when I was a child I did get the spanks and for whatever reason it used to be..I did learn my lesson to never go back to it till this day..I do remember somewhere reading a hadeeth on hanging a stick in the house so the children are aware of it and its use...Wallahu a'alam..

[Ansariyah]

I dont care wat a child does, or says, u dont ever raise ur hand on a child!

[tigerkhan]

islam allowed this but with limitations.
personally i think i can never do such....

[nature]

Interesting responces, barakAllahufeekum for contributing..

I agree mostly with what has been said..however I would say -depending on the severity of the situation..as a last resort I would raise my hand, not harsh blow or beating the child black and blue, but just to show them how it should be..But then again I don't habe children so I don't know maybe then I wouldn't...I know when I was a child I did get the spanks and for whatever reason it used to be..I did learn my lesson to never go back to it till this day..I do remember somewhere reading a hadeeth on hanging a stick in the house so the children are aware of it and its use...Wallahu a'alam..

:sl:

I agree with sis yanoorah. Trust me when you have children, you wont think like this. from experience im telling you it solves nothing, there are other ways of disciplining, just cos it worked for you back then, doesnt mean its gona be same for your child. if you hit your child, chances are they'll prob rebel more ? the best of examples is prophet muhammed (pbuh) he never did it so why should we ? if you raise your child right, there is no reason why you would have to strike your child.

:wa:

[Ummu Sufyaan]

i think where parents stray in hitting their children is the "context" in hitting their children...the "context" needs to be right for the right type of discipline to be applied and for it to have an affect. for example, some parents just smack their kids out of anger and its just a way to satisfy their anger. in such a case, i dont think smacking will work because the child hasn't done anything to deserve the smack so he/she wont benefit from being smacked....it think she/he will end up in confusion and hurt and may feel quite awkward around the parent because they are unsure if what they may or may not do is correct or incorrect.

but sometimes parents hit their children (not beat up, but light smacks just to drive a point home) in a proper context and do so with justice and in a proper way. in such a case, i think there is nothing wrong with smacking.

children do know when they have done something wrong and so they will take the "punishment" for it. but in the case where they haven't done anything wrong and just get hit for no reason, they wont take the punishment lightly because they dont understand why there were hit (because they know they haven't done anything wrong) and hence, the "discipline" wont be affective at all.

So yes, i do think hitting can work, but its a matter of using it in the correct circumstances and in a correct manner.

[Muhaba]

i have seen that kids who get used to being beaten don't listen unless they get a slap. so it's best not to beat them. most of the time you should only be stern when necessary and that will work. if they are used to being loved and treated with love, then whenever they just see you angry / upset, then it will make them feel bad and they will improve their behavior. if they ever do something very wrong, a tiny slap will be enough. on the other hand, if you always yell at them and beat them, you will drive yourself crazy screaming and beating all the time and they will always be trying to make you angrier and more upset. some kids even start to enjoy being yelled at andbeaten so they won't behave until they've gotten a few slaps. so with yelling and beating, you only make the situation worse.

[Reflections]

i think where parents stray in hitting their children is the "context" in hitting their children...the "context" needs to be right for the right type of discipline to be applied and for it to have an affect. for example, some parents just smack their kids out of anger and its just a way to satisfy their anger. in such a case, i dont think smacking will work because the child hasn't done anything to deserve the smack so he/she wont benefit from being smacked....it think she/he will end up in confusion and hurt and may feel quite awkward around the parent because they are unsure if what they may or may not do is correct or incorrect.

but sometimes parents hit their children (not beat up, but light smacks just to drive a point home) in a proper context and do so with justice and in a proper way. in such a case, i think there is nothing wrong with smacking.

children do know when they have done something wrong and so they will take the "punishment" for it. but in the case where they haven't done anything wrong and just get hit for no reason, they wont take the punishment lightly because they dont understand why there were hit (because they know they haven't done anything wrong) and hence, the "discipline" wont be affective at all.

So yes, i do think hitting can work, but its a matter of using it in the correct circumstances and in a correct manner.

That's what I mean, Allah forbid I don't mean to come across like as though I want to beat children for the sake of it, but if there is the need-again depending on the circumstances then maybe yes. Children are all different, some who are given the few odd smacks stay straight and some if you do then they rebel even more. It depends on the child and on the parent and their relationship as well.

[Ansariyah]

i think where parents stray in hitting their children is the "context" in hitting their children...the "context" needs to be right for the right type of discipline to be applied and for it to have an affect. for example, some parents just smack their kids out of anger and its just a way to satisfy their anger. in such a case, i dont think smacking will work because the child hasn't done anything to deserve the smack so he/she wont benefit from being smacked....it think she/he will end up in confusion and hurt and may feel quite awkward around the parent because they are unsure if what they may or may not do is correct or incorrect.

but sometimes parents hit their children (not beat up, but light smacks just to drive a point home) in a proper context and do so with justice and in a proper way. in such a case, i think there is nothing wrong with smacking.

children do know when they have done something wrong and so they will take the "punishment" for it. but in the case where they haven't done anything wrong and just get hit for no reason, they wont take the punishment lightly because they dont understand why there were hit (because they know they haven't done anything wrong) and hence, the "discipline" wont be affective at all.

So yes, i do think hitting can work, but its a matter of using it in the correct circumstances and in a correct manner.

I disagree

In the case when a child misbehaves physical punishment often produces superfical 'good behaviour' based on fear. How does that resolve anything in the long run? It doesnt!

[Ansariyah]

That's what I mean, Allah forbid I don't mean to come across like as though I want to beat children for the sake of it, but if there is the need-again depending on the circumstances then maybe yes. Children are all different, some who are given the few odd smacks stay straight and some if you do then they rebel even more. It depends on the child and on the parent and their relationship as well.

This is how I understood the above :hmm:

Beat the child that can take the beating, n dont hit the child that will resist?

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

First of all...every child is different, every family is different as is their relationship with each other. Nobody is the same. Some kids do NOT listen with just kind and loving words. I dont like this emotional high that people go on. Only that parent knows or should know how they need to deal with the child. Some need only a slight scold or head spinning stare.

Heck im not saying go on a beating rampage...but some do need some smacks here and there. I've seen both first hand. I've gotten my fair share of punishment and it wasnt as easy as losing privileges. That didnt turn me into a deranged psychopath or some kind of rebel. I got it when I deserved it and makes me think twice of doing it again. Yet my mother is my best friend compared to anyone!

Parents learn as they go. You will see how you need to raise and deal with your kids when you have them. You cant necessarily apply your views to the other person. It's different for everyone.

[Ummu Sufyaan]

In the case when a child misbehaves physical punishment often produces superficial 'good behavior' based on fear. How does that resolve anything in the long run? It doesnt!

no it doesn't. as i said, its about the correct context. a child will know when he/she has done something wrong and if hitting is needed and applied in the correct manner, then she/he will see what they have done wrong.

hitting is a form of disicpoine. i.e other forms of discipline can be used such as a soul piecing glare, being (sternly etc) talked to, etc. like hitting, if these aren't used in the correct context, they too will have a negative affect on the child. you cant say that a child being talked with the intent of discipline is going to be respectful out of fear and like wise you cant say that a child being hit with the intent of discipline is going to be respectful out of fear.

secondly, it depends on the type of hitting. there is beating (not good) but there is a light hit (noting wrong with that).

thirdly, hitting should be used as a last resort and warnings should be given first hand. having said that, there are some things some kids do, that actually a hit needs to be implement right away without warning, such as when a child shouts/curses, etc at their parents.

on the other side of that, sometimes children need some form of stricter punishment for a good reason such to teach them to keep out of danger.

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

Btw I still get my share of punishment :hiding: Of course, different than before but punishment nonetheless! After every punishment my mom comes and gives me a hug LOL! I find that cute :D

[Ummshareef]

Wa Alaaykum As'salaam Wa Rahmatullaah Wa Barahkaatuh,

My eldest son is ten now and has been disciplined a couple of times by his dad for not doing his salah properly and is doing much better now mashallah. Other than that we try to avoid corporal punishment. There are many many steps before it should be used and then only as a final resort.

[Ummu Sufyaan]

^disciplining children to practice Islam is probably one of the most difficult. i think sometimes parents feel bad if they use abit of strictness when trying to get their kids to practice becuase they feel bad and fear that they are making it difficult on the child...but they often forget that , although the child doesn't realize it, it does him/her great favors later on and in fact, such as avoiding the child becoming lazy and not taking the deen seriously.

it would be a struggle not to have it properly "ingrained" from the beginning.

[Ummshareef]

^disciplining children to practice Islam is probably one of the most difficult. i think sometimes parents feel bad if they use abit of strictness when trying to get their kids to practice becuase they feel bad and fear that they are making it difficult on the child...but they often forget that , although the child doesn't realize it, it does him/her great favors later on and in fact, such as avoiding the child becoming lazy and not taking the deen seriously.

it would be a struggle not to have it properly "ingrained" from the beginning.

Yes I fully agree. As parents we frequently face the dilemma of either being strict with our kids in order to ensure adherence to Islam, which might result in resentment and disenchantment with our Deen, if they think they’ve been wrongly treated, or alternatively, being laid back, which can lead to the child straying from the bounds of Islam with potentially disastrous consequences, subhanallah.

As with everything, though, Islam has the answers and the Quran and Sunnah provide good guidance to parents alhumdulillah. In our household, Islamic study is a top priority (for both kids and parents!) so the children are acquiring a good understanding of Islam alhumdulillah and how rasulullah (may the peace and blessings of Allah subhanahu wa ta'aala be upon him) behaved in certain situations and have no excuse now, say, for missing salah or poor manners around the opposite gender. We keep a close eye on them to ensure that they stay on the Path, admonish them for any mistakes and, if necessary, apply a scale of short, sharp punishments, within Shariah limits of course.

And yes, it is much easier to ingrain good Islamic behaviour in kids from a young age, than to try to correct it later. I see much evidence for that in the streets around where I live, subhanallah.

[AslamP]

There should absolutely be no beating! Children should be respected so they learn respect; giving time out or grounding them from something they like is a good form of discipline. Talk to your children from an early age; give them assigned duties around the house, explain things to them as their growing up. Don't let the TV babysit your children. Learn to listen to your children as well as sharing your knowledge with them. Make their growing up a wonderful experience; trust me, at the end, it'll all come back to you in many folds of blessings. Life goes by too fast, enjoy your children, otherwise, please don't have them.

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

I've never seen time outs or grounding work. If it works on your children, then youre lucky.

[Ummshareef]

I've never seen time outs or grounding work. If it works on your children, then youre lucky.

Exactly. These are modern punishments that do not have any basis in the Sunnah and simply don't work. If we throw away all the modern western parenting books and look to the Qu'ran and authentic ahadith for guidance on how to bring up our kids then we will be blessed with wonderful young members of the Ummah, insha'allah.

[mammyluty]

i have seen children who are super naughty and no matter how serious there parent is,they just take a mick out of it.i think smacking does a good job to give that shock that sometimes somethings jsut cant be done.and by smacking i dont mean giving a child a slap on face or hitting with a shoe rather like a belt on the bum or a slap on his back of his head.

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

Exactly. These are modern punishments that do not have any basis in the Sunnah and simply don't work. If we throw away all the modern western parenting books and look to the Qu'ran and authentic ahadith for guidance on how to bring up our kids then we will be blessed with wonderful young members of the Ummah, insha'allah.

Right. What can be better than what is made mention in the deen? Alhamdulillaah.

InshaAllaah sis :)

[elina]

AsSaalamu Aalaykum WarahmatAllah wabarakatuh,

I just wanted to know your views on your limits of disciplinary- as a parent. Would you raise your hand at your child if they had done something out of line..? Should children have that 'beating' so they know not to cross the line? Do you think having this sort of discipline helps the child when they become older to be a better person? Please share your thoughts insha-Allah.

Ive got 2 grown up kids....i found when they were younger that removing privileges was the best thing to do when they had been naughty, also reasoning with them, even when they are fairly young can work too..... as they grew up i still used the removing privileges, it worked well most of the time, though i have been pretty mean when they occasionally did something out of order and told them they couldnt watch tv for a year and had to back down lol

[syilla]

salams i've not go through of each everyone replies but from my view it really depending on the type children, situations and the type of family. its easy for the family with children with better behavior to tell that the other mother is too stern and strict and vice versa. and also if the family is used to stricter up bringing and children understand it all well. but whatever upbringing is very important to the children to be told what is what is wrong and never let them get away with it without naseehah and understanding the moral lesson learnt.

these things are not general practices that everyone should follow. bare in mind most parents do it by try and error but the best parents are those who reads, discuss with other parents group and also from their own parents

[Ummu Sufyaan]

^disciplining children to practice Islam is probably one of the most difficult. i think sometimes parents feel bad if they use abit of strictness when trying to get their kids to practice becuase they feel bad and fear that they are making it difficult on the child...but they often forget that , although the child doesn't realize it, it does him/her great favors later on and in fact, such as avoiding the child becoming lazy and not taking the deen seriously.

it would be a struggle not to have it properly "ingrained" from the beginning.

Yes I fully agree. As parents we frequently face the dilemma of either being strict with our kids in order to ensure adherence to Islam, which might result in resentment and disenchantment with our Deen, if they think they’ve been wrongly treated, or alternatively, being laid back, which can lead to the child straying from the bounds of Islam with potentially disastrous consequences, subhanallah.

As with everything, though, Islam has the answers and the Quran and Sunnah provide good guidance to parents alhumdulillah. In our household, Islamic study is a top priority (for both kids and parents!) so the children are acquiring a good understanding of Islam alhumdulillah and how rasulullah (may the peace and blessings of Allah subhanahu wa ta'aala be upon him) behaved in certain situations and have no excuse now, say, for missing salah or poor manners around the opposite gender. We keep a close eye on them to ensure that they stay on the Path, admonish them for any mistakes and, if necessary, apply a scale of short, sharp punishments, within Shariah limits of course.

And yes, it is much easier to ingrain good Islamic behaviour in kids from a young age, than to try to correct it later. I see much evidence for that in the streets around where I live, subhanallah.

not aiming this at you sister, but do you think that if a parent doesnt use disciplinary measures (light smack, etc) when needed when teaching their children Islam, that the parents themselves are unsure of the importance of teaching their children the deen? does that make sense? becuase if you need to get a message across than you are convicted that this message is correct (whatever the "message" is)...but if you are hesitant in getting this message across...eg unsure whether you should implement stricter means to get your child to pray, etc, then maybe unconsciously without you realizing it, you aren't 100% convicted that prayer is important.

becuase if you are, then why would you be hesitant? get me?

[Ummshareef]

not aiming this at you sister, but do you think that if a parent doesnt use disciplinary measures (light smack, etc) when needed when teaching their children Islam, that the parents themselves are unsure of the importance of teaching their children the deen? does that make sense? becuase if you need to get a message across than you are convicted that this message is correct (whatever the "message" is)...but if you are hesitant in getting this message across...eg unsure whether you should implement stricter means to get your child to pray, etc, then maybe unconsciously without you realizing it, you aren't 100% convicted that prayer is important.

becuase if you are, then why would you be hesitant? get me?

:sl:

Yes, I think that some parents misguidedly think that it doesn't matter much if their children refuse to learn Islam and that they can leave it to another day and so will avoid their responsibility. But I think that the parents' greatest duty is to teach their kids, especially salah and Qu'ran, and if the child resists or does not take it seriously then disciplinary measures are required to make the child realise that, as they get older, this is not a game but an obligation. I do to some degree feel sad when punishment is required, especially when kids miss salah or disrespect our Deen, but in my heart I know that it is in the child's best interests as the consequences of neglecting salah and study are so great. A short, sharp shock goes a long way to impressing on the child their importance and make them realise that as they grow up, Islam must become their their highest prioirity and that certain acts of worship are obligatory.

[GuestFellow]

AsSaalamu Aalaykum WarahmatAllah wabarakatuh,

I just wanted to know your views on your limits of disciplinary- as a parent. Would you raise your hand at your child if they had done something out of line..? Should children have that 'beating' so they know not to cross the line? Do you think having this sort of discipline helps the child when they become older to be a better person? Please share your thoughts insha-Allah.

:wa:

If I had a son and he does not behave, I would not hesitate to slap him. Now if I had a daughter, I would not be able to hit her....

Generally, I would treat boys and girls differently. If my son fell down and started to cry, I would tell him to stop crying. If my daughter was crying for whatever reason, I would give her a hug. :/

I hope I'm not going to be too strict...I tend to lose my temper very quickly with kids. :skeleton:

[al yunan]

Assalamu Alaikum to all,

I have raised seven children and now have four grandchildren too.
I would never proceed to tell another parent how to raise their children.
I have read through the posts and note that the two most important things were not mentioned.

First, none of the children are ours they all belong to Allah S.W.T and we are only their guardians (Wali) as a duty to Him.
Second, one should never ever raise a hand at any human being as it is forbidden.

Should you need to hit some one use a cane, belt a stick anything but your hand.
Scholars of yesteryear have said that when a child fears his parent's hand, that child is scared for life.
A parent's hand is to heal and comfort to show love not pain.

Masalam

[ProudMuslimSis]

As a child, I preferred a gentle and kind, yet firm and consistent rules and instructions from my parents. I know of some kids that become desensitized to frequent beatings from their parents and fear no longer worked in guiding them.

I found the following that might be helpful to all.

Please read holy Qur'an Ali Imran 159:

فَبِمَا رَحۡمَةٍ۬ مِّنَ ٱللَّهِ لِنتَ لَهُمۡ*ۖ وَلَوۡ كُنتَ فَظًّا غَلِيظَ ٱلۡقَلۡبِ لَٱنفَضُّواْ مِنۡ حَوۡلِكَ*ۖ فَٱعۡفُ عَنۡہُمۡ وَٱسۡتَغۡفِرۡ لَهُمۡ وَشَاوِرۡهُمۡ فِى ٱلۡأَمۡرِ*ۖ فَإِذَا عَزَمۡتَ فَتَوَكَّلۡ عَلَى ٱللَّهِ*ۚ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ يُحِبُّ ٱلۡمُتَوَكِّلِينَ

"It is part of the Mercy of Allah that thou dost deal gently with them. Wert thou severe or harsh-hearted they would have broken away from about thee; so pass over (their faults), and ask for (Allah's) forgiveness for them; and consult them in affairs (of moment). Then when thou hast taken a decision, put thy trust in Allah. For Allah loves those who put their trust (in Him).

[al yunan]

Salam sister,

The Ayat you mention is in refference to the battle of Uhud and its aftermath.

Masalam

[Reflections]

AsSalaamu '3aalaykum Wara7matullah

Ruling regarding smacking children for salah purpose-From Islam QA

Abu Dawood (459) and Ahmad (6650) narrated from ‘Amr ibn Shu’ayb from his father that his grandfather said: The Messenger of Allaah (blessings and peace of Allaah be upon him) said: “Teach your children to pray when they are seven years old, and smack them if they do not pray when they are 10 years old, and separate them in their beds.” Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in al-Irwa’ (247).

Ibn Qudaamah (may Allaah have mercy upon him) said in al-Mughni (1/357):

This telling and discipline is prescribed in the case of children in order to train them to pray, so that they will be used to it and it will become their habit, and they will not forsake it when they reach puberty. End quote.

Al-Subki said:

The guardian must tell the child to pray when he is seven years old and smack him if he does not do so when he is 10.

We think we should enjoin what is not obligatory and smack for failing to do that which is not obligatory. We smack animals for disciplinary purposes, so what about children? That is in the child's interests, and so that he will get used to praying before he reaches puberty. End quote.

Fataawa al-Subki, 1/379

So boys and girls are to be told to pray when they are seven years old and are to be smacked if they do not pray when they reach the age of 10. Similarly they are to be told to fast Ramadan and should be encouraged to do good things, such as reading Qur’aan, offering supererogatory prayers, Hajj and ‘umrah, and reciting a lot of tasbeeh, tahleel, takbeer and tahmeed, and they should be prevented from committing all kinds of sin.

With regard to smacking a child for not praying, it is stipulated that the smacking should be light and should not be painful and should not break the skin, or break a tooth or bone. It should be on the back or the hand and the like, and the face is to be avoided because it is forbidden to strike it, because the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allaah be upon him) forbade that.

It should not be more than 10 blows, and it should be done for the purpose of discipline and teaching. So he (the parent etc) should not show his desire to punish, except when there is a need to show that, such as if the child is turning away from prayer and forsaking it, and the like.

It was narrated from Abu Bardah al-Ansari that he heard the Messenger of Allaah (blessings and peace of Allaah be upon him) say: No one should be given more than 10 lashes except in the case of one of the hadd punishments of Allaah.” narrated by Al Bukhaari (6456) and Muslim (3222).

Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy upon him) said:

the words of the Prophet, “No one should be given more than 10 lashes except in the case of one of the hadd punishments of Allaah,” referred to an offence or criminal act, which has to do with what Allaah has prescribed as a punishment.

If it is said: What do we mean by 10 or less?

The answer is: This has to do with when a man hits his wife, his slave, his child, or his hired worker for the purpose of discipline and the like: it is not permissible for him to give more than 10 blows. This is the best way to understand the hadeeth. End quote.

I’laam al-Muwaqqi’een (2/23)

It should also not be done in front of anyone else, so as to protect the child's self-esteem and his dignity in front of his friends and others.

It should be known from the father's behaviour with his children and his disciplining of them that he does not smack anybody whom he smacks except in obedience to Allaah and to his Messenger (blessings and peace of Allaah be upon him), and that the only reason he does that is the child's best interests, and his keenness to raise him in the prescribed manner, so that the child will not .grow up hating Islamic teachings which he may find difficult, and that he was smacked for not doing them.

Shaykh Ibn Baaz (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

Take care of the members of your household and do not neglect them, O slave of Allaah. You have to strive hard in their best interests, and tell your sons and daughters to pray at the age of seven, and smack them if they do not do so when they are 10, a light smack that will help them to obey Allaah and make them get used to offering prayers on time, so that they will adhere properly to the religion of Allaah and know the truth, as is narrated in saheeh reports from the Messenger of Allaah (blessings and peace of Allaah be upon him). End quote.

Majmoo’ Fataawa Ibn Baaz (6/46).

Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allaah be upon him) commanded us to tell our children to pray when they are seven years old, and to smack them if they do not pray when they are 10 years old, even though they are not obliged to do that yet, so that they may be trained in doing acts of worship and obedience and may get used to them, so that it will be easy for them to do that after they grow up and it will be dear to them. The same applies to all matters that are blameworthy; young children should not get used to them even though they are not yet under any obligation, because otherwise they will get used to them when they grow up and will enjoy indulging in them. End quote.

Fataawa Noor ‘ala al-Darb, 11/386

The command implies that it is obligatory, but it is limited only to cases where smacking will be beneficial, because sometimes you smack a child but he does not benefit from being smacked, it only makes him scream and cry more and does not serve any benefit. Moreover what is meant by smacking here is smacking is that is not painful, a light smack that serves the purpose and does not cause any harm. End quote.

Liqa’ al-Baab il-Maftooh, 95/18

He (may Allaah have mercy on him) also said:

it should not be a smack that causes injury, and it should not be a smack in the face for example, or a smack to a lethal site; rather he should be smacked on the shoulder or the hand and the like, which would not cause him to die. Smacking on the face is risky, because the face is the highest and noblest part of a person and if a person is smacked on the face it is more humiliating and shameful then if he were to be smacked on the back. Hence it is forbidden to smack on the face. End quote

Fataawa Noor ‘ala al-Darb, 13/2

Shaykh al-Fawzaan said:

Smacking is one of the means of child rearing. The teacher may smack, the trainer may smack, the guardian may smack for disciplinary purposes; and the husband may smack his wife in cases of wilful defiance (nushooz).

But that must be within certain limits, and it should not be a blow that causes pain, breaks the skin or breaks the bone; rather it should be only as much as is necessary. End quote.

Ighaathat al-Mustafeed bi Sharh Kitaab al-Tawheed (282 -- 284)

It should also be noted that disciplining a child should not be done only for neglecting to pray; rather it should also be done if he is careless about the conditions, essential parts and obligatory duties of prayer. A child may pray, but he combines prayers, or he prays without wudoo’, or he does not pray properly. So he must be taught everything about it, and we should make sure that he is aware of its obligatory duties, essential parts and conditions, then if he neglects any of these things, we must advise him and teach him time after time, then if he persists he may be disciplined by means of smacking until he prays properly.

And Allaah knows best.

[Cabdullahi]

:wa:

If I had a son and he does not behave, I would not hesitate to slap him. Now if I had a daughter, I would not be able to hit her....

Generally, I would treat boys and girls differently. If my son fell down and started to cry, I would tell him to stop crying. If my daughter was crying for whatever reason, I would give her a hug. :/

I hope I'm not going to be too strict...I tend to lose my temper very quickly with kids. :skeleton:

My dad never beat me up so i would never beat my children.

Why should i beat them up when things they'll do ive already done

[al yunan]

:wa:
If I had a son and he does not behave, I would not hesitate to slap him. Now if I had a daughter, I would not be able to hit her....
Generally, I would treat boys and girls differently. If my son fell down and started to cry, I would tell him to stop crying. If my daughter was crying for whatever reason, I would give her a hug. :/
I hope I'm not going to be too strict...I tend to lose my temper very quickly with kids. :skeleton:

Assalamu Alaikum brother,

So you say now, but once you have children your own and not some one else's Inshallah you will see things differently.
I think you also forgetting some one else's expectations of you as a parent, your wife's.

Masalam

[Ummshareef]

AsSalaamu '3aalaykum Wara7matullah

Ruling regarding smacking children for salah purpose-From Islam QA

Ighaathat al-Mustafeed bi Sharh Kitaab al-Tawheed (282 -- 284)

It should also be noted that disciplining a child should not be done only for neglecting to pray; rather it should also be done if he is careless about the conditions, essential parts and obligatory duties of prayer. A child may pray, but he combines prayers, or he prays without wudoo’, or he does not pray properly. So he must be taught everything about it, and we should make sure that he is aware of its obligatory duties, essential parts and conditions, then if he neglects any of these things, we must advise him and teach him time after time, then if he persists he may be disciplined by means of smacking until he prays properly.

:wa:
JKK for the reminders, sister.

The above is a key point that is well worth emphasising. Right at the top of our list of duties as parents is not only to engrain the habit of 5x daily salah in the little ones, but to ensure that the salah is performed 100% CORRECTLY - no shortcuts, no losing concentration, no mistakes in recitation. It may sound strict but this point was emphasised in the Islamic parenting classes I attended last year. We were told to watch very carefully and pick up on any mistakes EVERY time - even small things like having the toes in the wrong position during sajdah or rushing to finish too quickly or gazing inappropriately - but above all, errors in recitation. Don't let them get into sloppy habits - always address errors firstly through education, but be prepared to correct repeated errors after the age of ten. This should firstly be through a stern talking to, explaining exactly what they have done wrong and that Allah subhana wa ta'alaa observes the salah of every person, followed by punishment to remind the child of His displeasure for their disobedience in the very important matter of a fardh act of worship. Insha'allah, soon they will understand the importance of adherence to Allah's commands IN EVERY DETAIL as they approach adulthood and correct salah will become as natural to them as breathing, setting them up for a life in service of Allah subhana wa ta'alaa.

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

:sl:

Scholars of yesteryear have said that when a child fears his parent's hand, that child is scared for life.

I have had plenty of my share of hits and smack and all that jazz. I have not been "scared for the rest of my life." In fact my mom is my best friend!

-----

As I mentioned earlier in the posts, not every child can be dealt with in the same way. Some children require more strictness than others. My parents were never strict on us when it came to Islaam, but were strict about other aspects coming from Islaam. Some of these aspects are seen in "cultures." You should know how you need to deal with your child. Too much showery love also spoils a child. Kids DO have their own personalities, no one is the same!

Be gentle with them when needed and strict when needed. It can't be one or the other. I wont say smack them in the face cause you're not supposed to obviously. If you instill values and understanding in them, chances are you won't need to get past being "strict".

Things like salaah were not strictly implemented in our house nor upon us even though we always kept our fasts, went for salaah on Eid, occasional stories about Prophets alayhis salaam and the sahaaba radhiAllaahu anhum and things of that sort. I was always more drawn to the Deen than my brothers even though we did all these things.

[Who Am I?]

My parents used to spank me and my sister regularly when we were kids. They never beat us or anything, but when we disobeyed, we were punished for it (as we should have been).

My sister is now married and has a stepson, and you all know how I turned out. ;D

I see these kids of today, and I weep for the future. My generation as parents have become spoiled and lazy and don't want to discipline their children. So now their kids are growing up never having been told "no" and with a sense of entitlement to things they haven't even earned. They think the world owes them something simply because of who they are. They have no sense of discipline or how to follow rules. They just do what they want and don't take responsibility for their actions.

I should point out that I speak of secular Western (American) society. I can't speak for Islamic society because I've never lived in an Islamic country.

[Just_A_Girl13]

I have had plenty of my share of hits and smack and all that jazz. I have not been "scared for the rest of my life." In fact my mom is my best friend!

Well, I'm not a parent but my father used to hit me when he got angry and it did not make me want to obey him. If anything, it caused me to not only fear but also dislike him more and more, and I became more rebellious. This is a clear example of how all children are different. Not all children will benefit from hitting. Some children (like myself) are extremely sensitive and hitting them will lead to nothing but heartache on both your parts.

[Salahudeen]

AsSaalamu Aalaykum WarahmatAllah wabarakatuh,

I just wanted to know your views on your limits of disciplinary- as a parent. Would you raise your hand at your child if they had done something out of line..? Should children have that 'beating' so they know not to cross the line? Do you think having this sort of discipline helps the child when they become older to be a better person? Please share your thoughts insha-Allah.

Me personally, I would implement somekind of system, like 3 warnings if it persists then make them stand on the naughty step, then if it still persists a slap on the wrist. But I don't think it should ever be a bad beating. I mean I have family members who got beatings from their parents and lets just say we can see the affects 20 years later.

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

Well, I'm not a parent but my father used to hit me when he got angry and it did not make me want to obey him. If anything, it caused me to not only fear but also dislike him more and more, and I became more rebellious. This is a clear example of how all children are different. Not all children will benefit from hitting. Some children (like myself) are extremely sensitive and hitting them will lead to nothing but heartache on both your parts.

:sl: sister.

That's what I mean. Not everyone is the same and as a parent, you should know how you need to deal with your children. Quite frankly, no one should be telling you how to raise your kids. You yourself know them better. And I cant imagine a father hitting his "daughter"...I don't know, I think that should be left to the mother. My father never touched me. He used to yell at me but didnt hit me. My guess is, it's different in the case of a father.

Remember, I'm not saying beat or hit in the face but there must be some form of discipline to keep your kinds in line. Whatever works for their best interest and I'm hoping it's not something insane..!