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vezovaio2002
05-13-2011, 11:29 PM
Salam,

This question is for a friend. She is engaged and getting married in just a couple months inshAllah. She is a very good muslimiah alhamdullilah, however she has done a few things in the past. She has gotten intimate with someone before, but it never got to the point of intercourse. She has repented sincerely and is a changed person since then, everybody makes mistakes. I know Allah is all forgiving, and I've heard in a lot of lectures before that nobody needs to know about your past as long as you have asked for repentance.

It has come up with her and her fiance and he is asking if she has done anything in the past. Islamically, does she have to tell him or can she keep it as her own little secret?

Is it true that anything bad you have done will always come up in the future and your secrets will be revealed? Or is that only if you don't repent.
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Hamza Asadullah
05-14-2011, 03:15 AM
Originally Posted by vezovaio2002
Salam,

This question is for a friend. She is engaged and getting married in just a couple months inshAllah. She is a very good muslimiah alhamdullilah, however she has done a few things in the past. She has gotten intimate with someone before, but it never got to the point of intercourse. She has repented sincerely and is a changed person since then, everybody makes mistakes. I know Allah is all forgiving, and I've heard in a lot of lectures before that nobody needs to know about your past as long as you have asked for repentance.

It has come up with her and her fiance and he is asking if she has done anything in the past. Islamically, does she have to tell him or can she keep it as her own little secret?

Is it true that anything bad you have done will always come up in the future and your secrets will be revealed? Or is that only if you don't repent.
Asalaamu Alaikum, this is quite a difficult matter to deal with because the standard procedure is that one must not reveal one's past sins to anyone but when it comes to marriage then it is a whole different ball game. This is because although in normal circumstances a person should never reveal their past to anyone but in the case of marriage then before a person commits to marriage, then they certainly do have the right to enquire and investigate any matter relevant to marriage concerning the potential marriage partner.

In your friends case she is still a virgin so if asked about her past then she can confirm that she is still chaste but made a human error a while back but realised her mistakes and has since learnt from that experience but it did'nt mean anything. She does not have to divulge any intricate details about her past but just tell him in a general and very vague manner.

This is because although he may never find out about her past it is a small world and if he does end up finding out then it may devastate the marriage and i tell you this because i know of such cases where the truth of the partners past was found out during marriage and it ended up devatating the marriage.

Also if a she hides her past then she will ALWAYS be paranoid or have this fear in the back of her mind that what if he ever discovered the truth? No doubt by telling him in the vague manner described above she would have a huge weight lifted off of her shoulders.

Also if a person is told the truth then they can accept that but if it is found out later on that the person lied all along especially when they were asked then it can really tear apart the marriage and cause terrible pain and anguish.

Therefore she should certainly tell him if he asks but in a very general manner not revealing any details but re-assuring him that she is still chaste and it did not mean anything but was a human error which she has learnt from. In this way a person can accept it and it also shows a persons honesty which is a good thing but finding out later on by chance would only lose trust and cause terrible pain and anguish for the person who found out such a thing about their partner.

But if a person enquires about their partners past during marriage then that is when they are not at liberty to tell them anything at all. This is because if they wanted to enquire such a thing then they should have done before marriage and telling them during marriage would only cause devastation in the marriage.


And Allah knows best in all matters
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