I need advice! :(

[Talib Al-Din]

Dear brothers and sisters,

I will start by telling you as much of my story as I can in few words... I ask you a little patiente dear brothers and sisters, for I really want to hear what you have to say...

I was born to a Christian familly and educated in this faith. I have believed in God ever since I was 6 years old, but since the beggining not like Christians believe... I never really believed in what Christians reivindicate Jesus to be, nor have I ever believed in "saints" or in all the other things Christianity unfortunatelly came to be... Ma sha' Allah, I always believed in God as one and only, much like Muslims believe, even before knowing about Islam. So I left church by age of 10, but I kept always God in all my thoughts. I remember being 13 and praying every day in the only way I knew (which wasn't the right way, but it was in the best of intentions), and finally when I was 16 I heard about Islam. It was like a "never come back", for the more I learnt the more I believed... However, I couldn't attempt conversion at the time for a series of constraints. When I was 18 I suffered from a very serious mental depression, but God has led me out of it and I thank God with all my hearth for that. Then it came again when I was 20, and again God, Most Compassionate, led me out of it. I began to pray more and more, and God has always answered all, but really all my prayers. So, and somehow, when I was 22 I started making 5 daily prayers, not the way Muslims do them everyday, but with the same intention, even never having taken my shahada. Almighty God always answered all, and all, and all my prayers.

Now, and having finished my MSc, there was a place where it was like a dream for everyone to work at, but where it is just too hard to have a chance... I kept praying and suplicating to God for months that He in is mercy let me work in that place, and He, Most Compassionate, granted me what I had asked! I was so, so happy that I, of course, fell in prayer to thank Him, and I thank God with all my heart! But problems started occuring :( It is a place with so strict security rules, where everyone is under strict surveilance, and I cannot find a place to pray when I feel I should. I started to become a depressed, because I couldn't pray there and when I came home I had massive prayer to do to replace the missed prayer. Moreover, it is getting to Summer here now, and I tried to respect strictly Muslim's prayer times, but I ended not sleeping as much as I need and depression came again, and I got to be constantly irritated and yelling at everyone and always in bad mood :(. Now I began to ask myself if, not being yet a Muslim, it would be more beneficial for me to keep praying that way and risk depression or to stop praying the way I did, and spend of that time reading Qur'an and learning more about Islam to attempt a conversion anytime soon in sha' Allah. So today I didn't pray as of yet, astaghfir Allah, and I feel a mix of sadness, but also of "relief" astaghfir Allah, because I couldn't handle that situation much further... I was afraid that my constant waswasa and distress would lead me to do things I hope I will never do in sha' Allah... So I planned to invest more in consolidating my thoughts and my mind and getting rid of this waswasa.

I want, I deeply want, and I NEED to dedicate all my life to Allah, for it is in His Oneness that I believe. But I feel that for now I just can't handle that rythm again, and there is still so much to learn about Islam :( Please dear brothers and sisters, please tell me what you think of this and please make du'a for me...

Jazakom Allah Kol Kheir

[al yunan]

Assalamu Alaikum dear brother,

Whether you have said your Shahada publicly or in private is not the point, the main issue is do you think in front of Allah S.W.T you are already committed to Islam did you say the Kalima to Him ?
The important declaration of Shahada is to Allah S.W.T. Should you have already done so you continue praying.
You should pray anyway since you have already started.
As for work could you not speak to some one in charge or even the personnel manager and ask for a place to pray.
Why should you sneak around, anyway do you think they might fire you if you said you are Muslim ?
Should you Job safety be a concern and financially you have no option then your only alternative is to Qada (delay) your prayers.
You need to find some Muslim friends to have some moral support.
Being alone is not good for any one especially if you are prone to depression.
Under the circumstances it is natural to get depressed any one would.
I believe you need company of other Muslims firstly as the most important step now towards building up your confidence.
Islam is a social faith. Keep talking to people thus avoiding Was Was which thrives on loneliness.
You have come this far just have a little patience Inshallah we all go through trials, they are meant to strengthen our faith for as Allah S.W.T says "no soul is burdened beyond it's ability"

May Allah S.W.T grant you patience and strength.
Masalam

[aadil77]

have you asked for a place to pray?

[May Ayob]

I think Islam is very simple , Submit yourself to you Creator, Worship Him one and only with sincerity and devotion, i dont know why you are so sad , May be because i missed a point or something , but you really should start working on purifying your soul and realising that islam isn't a complicated religion yes there are many things to learn but things come at a certain time , they come in a measured way, so don't rush off take your time you don't have spend all the time in the library islam is very simple it has come to perfect our manners and purify our hearts, that is what you need to focus on,


as for the Prayer issue, i think you should as for a 5- to 15 minute break where you go to somewhere if it is available to practise your prayers


also by the way i just wanted to say that you are avery lucky person because sadly not many people including my self have this yearning to worship and dedicate their life to God almighty, it's a big blessing and i think that all your problems regarding this should be seen as minor , because you have something much much more signaificant and way important which God's Guidance.

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[Talib Al-Din]

!Dear brothers and sisters,

I thank you so very much for all your support... Jazakom Allah Khair! Unfortunately what Al-Yunan is true, I fear my job security (it is a long story) and I have no other means of sustainance... It is really so hard to find a job like that, or even like any other in my country... This was trully a blessing from Almighty Allah, Whom I thank with all my hearth... I feel so deep in my heart that what sister May Ayoub said is true... I need to dedicate my life to Allah, for He has blessed me uncountable times in my life! I thank Him so much and I owe Allah so much that I will never be able to thank Him enough! Unfortunately my situation now is how I described it... :( Growing up really hurts sometimes, but in sha' Allah better times will come and I will be able to devoute my life to Islam as I want. In sha' Allah! Meanwhile, dear brothers and sisters, please remember me in your du'a.

Jazakom Allah Kheir!

[Ghazalah]

:sl:

If you leave something for the sake of Allah SWT, he will grant you with something better.

Look for a another job while keeping the current job, look for a job which is suitable to Islamic needs and obligations inshAllah. In the meantime stick to what you can do, always remember there are some people who pray sitting down because they cannot stand, they pray with there heads because they're unable to move the rest of their body, thank Allah that you have the ability to pray alhamdillah.

Btw I didn't quite get the first post, you are not Muslim because you haven't taken your Shahdah? But you pray? Why don't you take the Shahadah?

[SAKER]

He is already a Muslim ......

Listen brother I had the same problems when i worked security agent I had many responsibilities and there was many people to check and stuff so some times I could not pray in time - in Islam you should respect your responsibilities-as I could not leave people alone
most of time I prayed at home- delaying - best solution is looking for another job if it is possible ...

Some times when i feel that I will miss a pray ,I prayed sitting down ...

Islam is so simple as you have been told below ..

[Amanda]

There is so much excellent advice here... just trust in Allah SWT and do the best you can. Islam is very simple, and very accomodating... and just think how proud you will be after getting through this trial and being stronger in your faith.

[peace_maker]

If you leave something for the sake of Allah SWT, he will grant you with something better.

Look for a another job while keeping the current job, look for a job which is suitable to Islamic needs and obligations inshAllah.

That's exactly what I wanted to say. I know you love your job and how many struggles you went through for it but, what good is a job, where you can't practice your faith?
Today you have your dream job, a good pay but, what about peace?
Do you have peace in your heart?
Allah has bestowed so much mercy on you and blessed you with what you wanted. Can you not make a sacrifice for him? It's hard, I know. Obviously you won't get another job like this easily. But remember, just as a sweeper(just an example) if you are able to practice your faith then this job way better that that.

Allah is testing you. You musn't loose hope. Thankfully, you've come this far, you can't go back now.
And remember, Allah will not burden His slave more than what he can take.

Inshaallah, Allah will guide you.

[missy]

:sl: Bro Talib ad-Din
i agree to all that's said above ^^

Keep asking Allah SWT for help...He'll surely listen to your Prayers!
Allah SWT says in the Holy Quran;
"When My servants ask thee concerning Me, I am indeed close (to them): I listen to the prayer of every suppliant when he calleth on Me: Let them also, with a will, Listen to My call, and believe in Me: That they may walk in the right way."
(Surah al-Baqarah 2:186)

May Allah SWT Ease all your affairs for you and Guide you to the Straight Path. Ameen

P.S- your profile name is good "Seeker of the Religion"...hmm...nice!

[superfpfp]

Slmzz Brotherrr .. You'v been givenn some good advicee .. let me tell you one thing about your job .. Allah may have blessed you with it but if you cant pray and be a Muslim properly then maybe you should think twice .. Wallah im personally telling you, sacrifice for Allah and he will repay you with feelings and blessings which money will not be able to buy ..
I think you should look for a way to pray at work .. but if you can't you should think twice about your job .. I know how you feel, iv been in a similar situation where you get so close to something that you really want in this world .. but it clashes with your religious obligations .. As a youngster I sacrificed oppurtunities to pursure a career as a professional footballer .. and to me that would have been the best thing to happen to me .. instead Allah SWT made me a haafiz .. now I look back I realised my sacrifice for Allah's pleasure isn't anything but a means for me to gain more happiness .. hope my words of advice can be a bit of guidanceeeeee ..

and youtube " khalid yasin the stranger " .. i cant post videos cuz am new to this .. so if someone could post it for this brotherr or try watch it your self ..

Slmz i/Allah Allah guidess you

[Riana17]

P.S- your profile name is good "Seeker of the Religion"...hmm...nice!

:)she will find inshallah